PREFACE
Thestudiesinthisvolumeoriginallyappearedinthe"St。James’sGazette。"Two，fromafriendlyhand，havebeenomittedherebytheauthoroftherest，asnonsuapoma。OnewasbyMr。RICHARD
SWIVELLERtoabooncompanionandbrotherinthelyricApollo；theother，thoughpurportingtohavebeenaddressedbyMessrs。DOMBEY&
SONtoMr。TOOTS，isbelieved，oninternalevidence，tohavebeencomposedbythepatronoftheCHICKENhimself。Afewprefatorynotes，anintroductoryessay，andtwolettershavebeenadded。
Theportraitinthefrontispiece，copiedbyMr。T。HodgefromanoldpaintingintheClubatSt。Andrews，isbelievedtorepresenttheBaronBradwardineaddressinghimselftohisball。
A。L。
FRIENDSINFICTION
EveryfancywhichdwellsmuchwiththeunbornandimmortalcharactersofFictionmustaskitself，Didthepersonsincontemporarynovelsnevermeet？Insolittleaworldtheirpathsmustoftenhavecrossed，theirorbitsmusthaveintersected，thoughwehearnothingabouttheadventurefromtheaccreditednarrators。
Inhistoricalfictionauthorsmaketheirpeoplemeetrealmenandwomenofhistory——LouisXI。，Lazarus，MaryQueenofScots，GeneralWebbe，Moses，theManintheIronMask，MarieAntoinette；thelistisendless。Butnovelists，inspiteofMr。Thackeray’sadvicetoAlexandreDumas，andofhisownexamplein"RebeccaandRowena，"
havenotintroducedeachother’scharacters。DumasneverpursuedthefortunesoftheMasterofRavenswoodafterhewaspickedupbythatcoastingvesselintheKelpie’sFlow。Sometimesameetingbetweencharactersinnovelsbydifferenthandslookedallbutunavoidable。"Pendennis"and"DavidCopperfield"cameoutsimultaneouslyinnumbers，yetPenneverencounteredSteerforthattheUniversity，nordidWarrington，inhislifeofjournalism，jostleagainstareporternamedDavidCopperfield。OnefearsthattheMajorwouldhavecalledSteerforthatiger，thatPenwouldhavebeenveryloftilycondescendingtothenephewofBetsyTrotwood。
ButCaptainCostiganwouldscarcelyhaverefusedtotakeasipofMr。Micawber’spunch，andIdoubt，notthatLitimerwouldhaveconspireddarklywithMorgan，theMajor’ssinisterman。Mostofthosedelightfulsetsofoldfriends，theDickensandThackeraypeople，mightwellhavemet，thoughtheybelongedtoverydifferentworlds。Inoldernovels，too，itmighteasilyhavechancedthatMr。EdwardWaverleyofWaverleyHonour，cameintocontactwithLieutenantBooth，or，aftertheForty—five，withThomasJones，or，inScotland，BalmawhapplemighthaveforegatheredwithLieutenantLismahagow。MightnotevenJeanieDeanshavecrossedthepathofMajorLambertofthe"Virginians，"andbeenhelpedonherwaybythatgoodman？AssuredlyDugaldDalgettyinhiswanderingsinsearchoffightsandfortunemayhavecrushedacuporrattledadiceboxwithfourgallantgentlemenoftheKing’sMousquetaires。
ItisagreeabletowonderwhatalltheseveryrealpeoplewouldhavethoughtoftheircompanionsintheregionofRomance，andtoguesshowtheirnatureswouldhaveactedandreactedoneachother。
Thiswastheideawhichsuggestedthefollowinglittleessaysinparody。Inmakingthemthewriter，thoughanassiduousandveterannovelreader，hadtorecognisethatafterallheknew，onreallyintimateandfriendlyterms，comparativelyfewpeopleintheParadiseofFiction。Settingasidethedramaticpoetsandtheircreations，thechildrenofMoliereandShakspeare，thereaderofnovelswillfind，maybe，thathisairyfriendsarescarcesomanyashedeemed。WeallknowSanchoandtheDon，byreputeatleast；
wehaveallourmemoriesofGilBlas；ManonLescautdoesnotfadefromtheheart，norherlover，theChevalierdesGrieux，fromtheremembrance。OurmentalpictureofAnnaKarenineisfreshenoughandfairenough，buthowfewcanmostofusrecalloutofthemyriadprogenyofGeorgeSand!Indiana，Valentine，Lelia，doyouquitebelieveinthem，wouldyouknowthemifyoumetthemintheParadiseofFiction？Nounonemightrecognise，butthereisahazinessaboutLaPetiteFadette。Consuelo，letitbeadmitted，isnotevanescent，oblivionscattersnopoppyoverher；butMadameSand’slaterladies，stillmorehermen，areeasilylostintheforestsoffancy。Eventheirnameswithdifficultyreturntous，andifwereadtheroll—call，wouldHoraceandJacquescryAdsumlikethegoodColonel？TherearelivingcriticswhohaveallMr。
GeorgeMeredith’sheroinesandheroesandodditiesattheirfingerends，andyetforgetthatmusicalname，likethecloseofarichhexameter，ClareDoriaForey。Butthisisadigression；itisperhapsadmittedthatGeorgeSand，sogreatanovelist，gavetheworldfewcharacterswholiveinandaredeartomemory。Wecanjustfancyoneofherdignifiedlaterheroines，allself—
renunciationandruralsentiment，preachinginvaintothatrealwoman，EmmaBovary。HERweknow，herweremember，aswerememberfew，comparatively，ofBalzac’sthrongingfaces，fromLaCousineBettetoSeraphitusSeraphita。Manyofthosearecertaintoliveandkeeptheirhold，butitisbydintoflongandelaboratepreparation，description，analysis。Astrangerintermeddlethnotwiththem，thoughwecanfancyLuciendeRubempreletlooseinacountryneighbourhoodofGeorgeSand’s，andmakingsonnetsandlovetosomeruralchatelaine，whileVautrinmightstrayamongtheruffiansofGaboriau，agiantofcrime。AmongM。Zola’speople，howeveritmayfarewithothers，Ifindmyselfrememberingfew：
theguiltyHippolytusof"LaCuree，"thepoorgirlin"LaFortunedesRougon，"theAbbeMouret，theartistin"L’Oeuvre，"andthehalfidioticgirlofthefarmhouse，andHelenein"UnPaged’Amour。"TheyarenotamongstM。Zola’smostprominentcreations，anditmustbesomeaccidentthatmakesthemmostmemorableandrecognisabletooneofhisreaders。
Probablyweallnoticethatthecharactersoffictionwhoremainourintimates，whosewordscometoourlipsoften，whoseconductinthisorthatsituationwecouldeasilyforecast，arethecharacterswhomwemetwhenwewereyoung。Wemaybewronginthinkingthemthebest，themosttrueandlivingoftheunborn；perhapstheyonlyseemsorealbecausetheycamefreshtofreshheartsandunwornmemories。Thisatleastwemustallowfor，whenwearetemptedtosayaboutnovelists，"Theoldarebetter。"Itwaswewho，longago，wereyoungandbetter，betterfittedtoenjoyandretainthepleasureofmakingnewvisionaryacquaintances。Ifthisbeso，whatanargumentitisinfavourofreadingthebestbooksfirstandearliestinyouth!DotheladieswhonowfindScottslow，andMissAustendull，andDickensvulgar，andThackerayprosy，andFieldingandRichardsonimpossible，cometothisbeliefbecausetheybeganearlywiththevolumesofthecirculatinglibrary？Aretheirmemorieshappilystoredwiththewordsanddeedsofmodernfictitiousromps，andpassionategovernesses，andtremendousguardsmenwithhugecigars？Arethepeopleof——well，whymentionnamesoflivingauthors？——ofwhomyouwill——arethoseasmuchtotheyoungreadersof1890asQuentinDurward，andColonelNewcome，andSamWeller，andBeckySharp，andAnneElliot，andElizabethBennett，andJaneEyreweretoyoungreadersof1860？Itmayverywellbeso，andweseniorswillnotregretourchoice，andtheyoungmenandmaidswillbepleasedenoughwiththeirs。Yetitisnotimpossiblethattheoldreallyarebetter，anddonotgainalltheirlifeandpermanentcharmmerelyfromtheunjadedmemoriesandaffectionswithwhichwecametothemlongago。
Weshallneverbecertain，forevenifwetriedtheexperimentofcomparing，wearenolongergoodjudges，ourheartsarewithouroldfriends，whomwethinkdeathless；theirbirthisfarenoughoffintime，buttheywillserveusforours。
Thesefriends，ithasbeensaid，arenotsuchaverynumerouscompanyafterall。Mostofthemarechildrenofourownsoil，theirspiritsweremadeinEngland，oratleastinGreatBritain，or，perhaps，cameofEnglishstockacrosstheseas，likeourdearoldLeatherStockingandMadamHesterPrynne。Probablymostofusareinsularenoughtoconfessthislimitation；evenifwebesounpatriotictoreadfarmorenewFrenchthannewEnglishnovels。
OnemaystudyM。Daudet，andnotrememberhisSidonieaswerememberBecky，norhisPetitChoseorhisJackaswerememberDavidCopperfield。IntheParadiseofFictionarefolkofallnationsandtongues；buttheEnglish（asSwedenborgsawthemdoinginhisvisionofHeaven）keepverymuchtothemselves。TheAmericanvisitors，orsomeofthem，disdainouroldacquaintances，andassociatewithRussian，Spanish，Lithuanian，Armenianheroesandheroines，conversing，probably，insomesortofFrench。Fewofus"poorislanders"aresocosmopolitan；wereadforeignnovels，andyetamongallthebrilliantpersonsmettherewerememberbutafew。Mostofmyownforeignfriendsinfictionwearlove—locksandlargeboots，haverapiersattheirsidewhichtheyareveryreadytodraw，aregreattrenchermen，mightyfinedrinkers，andsomewhatgallantintheirconducttothesex。ThereisalsoacitizenortwofromFuretiere’s"RomanBourgeois，"thereisManon，aforesaid，andacompanyofpicaroons，andanarchbishop，andaladystyledMarianne，andanewlyennobledCountofmysteriouswealth，andtwogrisettes，namedMimiandMusette，withtheirstudent—lovers。M。
Balzachasintroducedustomystics，andmurderers，andoldmaids，anddoctors，andadventurers，andpoets，andagirlwithgoldeneyes，andmalefactors，andbankrupts，andmadoldcollectors，peasants，cures，critics，dreamers，debauchees；butallthesearesomewhatdistantacquaintances，manyofthemundesirableacquaintances。Inthegreat"ComedieHumaine"haveyouasinglerealfriend？SomeofCharlesdeBernard’sfolkaremoreakintous，suchas"LaFemmedeQuaranteAns，"andtheownerofthehoundJustinian，andthatdrunkenartistin"Gerfaut。"ButanEnglishmanisratherfriendless，ratheranalienandanoutcast，inthesocietyofFrenchfiction。MonsieurdeCamorsisnotofourmonde，noristheEnfantduSiecle；indeed，perhapsgoodMonsieurSylvestreBonnardisassympatheticasanyoneinthatpopulouscountryofmodernFrenchromance。OrdoyouknowFifiVollard？
Somethingmustbeallowedforstrangemanners，forexoticideas，andwaysnotourown。Moreperhapsisduetowhat，asEnglishmenthink，isthelackofHUMOURinthemostbrilliantandwittyofraces。WehavefriendsmanyinMoliere，inDumas，inRabelais；butitisfarmoredifficulttobefamiliar，atease，andhappyinthecirclestowhichMadameSand，M。Daudet，M。Flaubert，orM。PaulBourgetintroduceus。M。Bourget’soldprofessor，in"LeDisciple，"weunderstand，buthedoesnotinteresthimselfmuchinus，andtousheisratheracuriosity，a"character，"thananintimate。Wearedriventothebeliefthathumour，withitslovingandsmilingobservation，isnecessarytotheauthorwhowouldmakehispersonsrealandcongenial，and，aboveall，friendly。NowhumouristhequalitywhichDumas，Moliere，andRabelaispossessconspicuouslyamongFrenchmen。Montaignehasittoo，andmakeshimselfdeartous，asthehumorousnovelistsmaketheirfanciedpeopledear。Withouthumouranauthormaydrawcharactersdistinctandclear，andentertaining，andevenreal；buttheywantatmosphere，andwiththemweareneverintimate。Mr。AlfredAustinsaysthat"weknowtheheroortheheroineinproseromancefarmorefamiliarlythanweknowtheheroorheroineinthepoemorthedrama。""WhichoftheseriouscharactersinShakspeare’splaysarenotindefiniteandshadowycomparedwithHarryEsmondorMaggieTulliver？"TheSERIOUScharacters——theyareseldomveryfamiliarordefinitetousinanykindofliterature。Onemightsay，tobesure，thatheknowsHotspuragooddealmoreintimatelythanheknowsMr。HenryEsmond，andthathehasaprettydefiniteideaofIago，Othello，Macbeth，KingLear，asdefiniteashehas（tofollowMr。Austin）ofTitoMelema。ButwecannotreckonOthello，orMacbeth，orKingLearasFRIENDS；nay，wewouldratherdrinkwiththehonestancient。Allheroesandtheheroinesareusuallytooaugust，andalsotooyoung，tobefriendlywithus；tobehandledhumorouslybytheircreators。WeknowCuddieHeadriggagreatdealbetterthanHenryMorton，andLeBalafrebetterthanQuentinDurward，andDugaldDalgettybetterthananybody。Humouritisthatgivesfleshandbloodtothepersonsofromance；makesMr。
Lenvillereal，whileNicholasNicklebyisonlya"walkinggentleman。"YoucannotknowOliverTwistasyouknowtheDodgerandCharlieBates。IfyoumetEdwardWaverleyyoucouldscarcetellhimfromanotheryoungofficerofhistime；buttherewouldbenochanceofmistakeabouttheDugaldcreature，orBailieNicolJarvie，ortheBaronBradwardine，orBalmawhapple。
Theseideasmightbepushedtoofar；itmightbesaidthatonlythepersonsin"characterparts"——moreorlesscaricatures——arereallyvividintherecollection。ButColonelNewcomeisasrealasCaptainCostigan，andGeorgeWarringtonastheChevalierStrong。
Theheroiscommonlytoomuchofabeautenebreuxtobeactual；
Scottknewitwell，andinoneofhisunpublishedlettersfranklyadmitsthathisheroesarewooden，andnofavouritesofhisown。
Hehadtomakethem，asmostauthorsmaketheirheroes，romantic，amorous，andserious；fewofthemhavethelifeofRolandGraeme，orevenofQuentinDurward。IvanhoemightputonthecloakoftheMasterofRavenswood，theMastermightwearthearmouroftheDisinheritedKnight，andthedisguisewoulddeceivethekeenest。
Nay，Mr。HenryEsmondmightpassforeither，ifarrayedinappropriatecostume。
Totreataherowithhumourisdifficultinromance，allbutimpossible。Hencetheheroesarerarelyourfriends，exceptinFielding，or，nowandthen，inThackeray。Nobookissofulloffriendsasthenovelthathasnohero，buthasRawdonCrawley，Becky，LadyJane，Mr。JimCrawley，MacMurdo，Mrs。MajorO’Dowd，andtherest。EvenDobbinistoomuchtheherotobeadmittedamongourmostkindlyacquaintances。SounluckyareheroesthatweknowSquireWesternandthePhilosopherSquareandParsonAdamsfarbetterthaneventhatunheroichero，TomJones，orJosephAndrews。
ThehumourofFieldingandhistendernessmakeAmeliaandSophiafarmoresureofourheartsthan，letussay，Rowena，ortheFairMaidofPerth，orFloraMacIvor，orRoseBradwardine。ItishumourthatmakesMr。Collinsimmortal，andMrs。Bennett，andEmma；whileamultitudeofnicegirlsinfiction，goodgirlstoo，areasdeadasQueenTiah。
Perhaps，afterall，thistheoryexplainswhyitissoveryhardtorecallwithvividnessthepersonsofourlaterfiction。Humourisnotthestrongpointofnoveliststo—day。TheremaybeamateurswhoknowMr。Howells’scharactersastheireldersknowSophiaandAmeliaandCatherineSeyton——theremaybe。Totheoldreaderofromance，howeverearnestlyhekeepsupwithmodernfiction，thesaltoflifeseemsoftenlackinginitspuppetsoritspersons。
AmongthecreationsoflivingmenandwomenI，forone，feelthatI
havetwofriendsatleastacrossthesea，MasterThomasSawyerandhiscompanion，HuckleberryFinn。Ifthesearenotrealboys，thenDr。Farrar’sEricISarealboy；Icannotputitstronger。Thereisaladyonthosedistantshores（forsheneverdiedofRomanfever）whoImayventuretobelieveisnotunfriendly——MissAnnieP。Miller——andthereisadaughterofMr。SilasLaphamwhomonecannotreadilyforget，andthereisabeeryjournalistina"ModernInstance，"anacquaintance，adistantprofessionalacquaintance，notafriend。TherestofthefictitiouswhitepopulationoftheStatesareshadowytomyself；Ihaveoftenfollowedtheirfortuneswithinterest，butthedetailsslipmyagingmemory，whichrecallsTopsyandUncleRemus。
Tospeakofnewfriendsathomeisamoredelicatematter。Amanmayhaveanunduepartialityfortheairychildrenofhisfriends’
fancy。Mr。MeredithhasintroducedmetoanamiableCountess，toastrangecountrygirlnamedRhoda，toawonderfuloldAEschyleannurse，tosomegenuineboys，toawiseYouth，——butthatsocietygrowsasnumerousasbrilliant。Mr。Besanthasmadeusfriendswithtwinsofliteraryandartisticgenius，withaveryhighly—
culturedFellowofLothian，withaSonofVulcan，withabevyoffairbutratherindistinguishabledamsels，likeagroupofagreeable—lookinggirlsatadance。Buttheyaretoobusywiththeirpartnerstobefriendly。Weadmirethem，buttheyareunconcernedwithus。InMr。Black’slargefamilytheWhaupseemsmostcongenialtosomestrangers；thenameofoneofMr。Payn’sfriendlyladsisLegion，andMissBroughton’sdogs，withTHEIR
friendSara，andMrs。Moberley，welcomethecasualvisitorwithhospitablecare。Amongthekindlychildrenofalatergenerationonemaynumberasailormanwithawoodenleg；aHighlandgentleman，who，thoughlandless，bearsaking’sname；anIrishchevalierwhowasoutinthe’45；aZuluchiefwhopliedtheaxewell；aprivatenamedMulvaneyinHerMajesty’sIndianarmy；anelderlysportsmanofagileimaginationorunparalleledexperienceinremoteadventure。{1}Alltheseapersonwhohadonceencounteredthemwouldrecognise，perhaps，whenhewasfortunateenoughtofindhimselfintheircompany。
Therearechildren，too，ofadeadauthor，anauthorseldomlaudedbycritics，who，possibly，haveasmanylivingfriendsasanymoderncharacterscanclaim。AverylargecompanyofChristianpeoplearefondofLordWelter，CharlesRavenshoe，FloraandGus，LadyAscot，theboywhoplayedfiveswithabrassbutton，andadozenothersofHenryKingsley’smen，women，andchildren，whomwehavelaughedwithoften，andverynearlycriedwith。ForHenryKingsleyhadhumour，andhischildrenaredeartous；whilewhichofCharlesKingsley’sfarmorefamousoffspringwouldbewelcome——
unlessitwereSalvationYeo——ifwemetthemallintheParadiseofFiction？
Itisnotverysafe，inliteratureasinlife，tospeakwellofourfriendsoroftheirfamilies。Otherreaders，otherpeople，havetheirs，whomwemaynotcaremuchfor，whomwemayevenchancenevertohavemet。InthefollowingLettersfromOldFriends（mainlyreprintedfromthe"St。James’sGazette"），afewofthewritersmay，tosomewhoglanceatthesketches，beunfamiliar。
WhenDugaldDalgetty’sepistleonhisduelwithAramiswaswritten，amanoflettersproposedtowriteareplyfromAramisinacertainjournal。ButhisEditorhadneverheardofanyofthegentlemenconcernedinthataffairofhonour；hadneverheardofDugald，ofAthos，Porthos，Aramis，norD’Artagnan。Hehadnotbeenintroducedtothem。Thislittlebookwillbefortunatefarbeyonditsdesertsifittemptsafewreaderstoextendthecircleoftheirvisionaryacquaintances，offriendswho，likeBrahma，knownotbirth，nordecay，"sleep，waking，nortrance。"
AthememoredelicateandintimatethanthatofourFriendsinfictionawaitsamorepassionatewriterthanthepresentparodist。
OurLOVESinfictionareprobablynumerous，andourchoicedependsonageandtemperament。Inromance，ifnotinlife，wecanbeinlovewithanumberofladiesatonce。ItisprobablethatBeatrixEsmondhasnotfewerknightsthanMarieAntoinetteorMaryStuart。
Theseladieshavebeenthemarksofscandal。Unkindthingsaresaidofallthree，butourheartsdonotbelievetheevilreports。
SirWalterScottrefusedtowritealifeofMaryStuartbecausehisopinionwasnotonthepopularside，noronthesideofhisfeelings。ThereasoningandjudicialfacultiesmaybeconvincedthatBeatrixwas"otherthanaguidane，"butreasondoesnottouchtheaffections；weseeherwiththeeyesofHarryEsmond，and，likehim，"rememberaparagon。"WithsimilarlackoflogicwebelievethatMrs。Wenhamreallyhadoneofherheadaches，andthatBeckywasguiltlessonanotoriousoccasion。Badornotsobad，whatladywouldwesogladlymeetasMrs。RawdonCrawley，whosekindnesswassogreatthatsheevencondescendedtobeamusingtoherownhusband？Foramoreseriousandlife—longaffectiontherearefewheroinessosatisfactoryasSophiaWesternandAmeliaBooth（neeHarris）。Neverbeforenorsincedidaman’sidealputonfleshandblood——outofpoetry，thatis，——andapartfromtheladiesofShakspeare。Fielding’swomenhaveamanlyhonour，tolerance，greatness，inadditiontotheirtendernessandkindness。
Literaturehasnottheirpeers，andlifehasneverhadmanytocomparewiththem。Theyarenot"superior"likeRomola，norflightyanddestituteoftastelikeMaggieTulliver；amongFielding’scrowdoffribblesandsotsandoafstheycarrythatpuremolyoftheLadyin"Comus。"Itiscurious，indeed，thatmenhavedrawnwomenmoretrueandcharmingthanwomenthemselveshaveinvented，andtheheroinesofGeorgeEliot，ofGeorgeSand（exceptConsuelo），andevenofMissAusten，donotsubdueuslikeDiVernon，norwinoursympathieslikeRebeccaofYork。Theymaypleaseandcharmfortheirhour，buttheyhavenottheimmortalityofthefirstheroinesofall——ofHelen，orofthatAlcmenawhomakesevencomedygravewhensheenters，andevenPlautuschivalrous。Poetry，ratherthanprosefiction，istheproperhomeofourspiritualmistresses；theydwellwhereRosalindandImogenare，withwomenperhapsasunrealorasidealasthemselves，men’slostlovesandunforgotten，inaParadiseapart。
LETTER：FromMr。CliveNewcometoMr。ArthurPendennis。
Mr。Newcome，amarriedmanandanexileatBoulogne，sendsMr。
ArthurPendennisapoemonhisundyingaffectionforhiscousin，MissEthelNewcome。HedesiresthatitmaybepublishedinajournalwithwhichMr。Pendennisisconnected。HeaddsafewremarksonhispicturesfortheAcademy。
Boulogne，March28。
DearPen，——IhavefinishedBelisarius，andhehasgonetofacetheAcademicians。ThereisanotherlittlethingIsent——"Blondel"I
callit——atroubadourplayingunderacastlewall。Theyhavenotmuchchance；butthereisalwaysthelittleprint—shopinLongAcre。Mysketchesofmail—coachescontinuetopleasethepublic；
theyhaveraisedthepricetoaguinea。
Herewearenothappierthanwhenyouvisitedus。Mypoorwifeisnobetter。Itissomethingtohaveputmyfatheroutofhearingofhermother’stongue：thatcannotcrosstheChannel。PerhapsIamaswellhereasintown。ThereIalwayshope，IalwaysfeartomeetHER……mycousin，youknow。IthinkIseeherfaceundereverybonnet。GodknowsIdon’tgowheresheislikelytobemet。
Oh，Pen，haeretlethalisarundo；itisalwaysright——theLatinDelectus!EverythingIseeisfullofher，everythingIdoisdoneforher。"Perhapsshe’llseeitandknowthehand，andremember，"
Ithink，evenwhenIdothemail—coachesandthemilestones。I
usedtodrawforheratBrightonwhenshewasachild。Mysketches，mypictures，arealwaysmakingthatsilentpiteousappealtoher，WON’TYOULOOKATUS？WON’TYOUREMEMBER？Idaresayshehasquiteforgotten。HereIsendyoualittlesetofrhymes；mypictureofBlondelandthisoldstorybroughtthemintomymind。
Theyaregazes，asthedrunkpaintersaysin"Gerfaut；"theyareveiled，amystery。Iknowshe’snotinacastleoratoweroracloisteredcellanywhere；sheisinParkLane。Don’tIreaditinthe"MorningPost？"ButIcan’t，Iwon’t，goandsingatthearea—
gate，youknow。TryifF。B。willputtherhymesintothepaper。
DotheytakeitininParkLane？Seewhetheryoucangetmeaguineaforthesetearsofmine："MesLarmes，"Pen，doyouremember？——Yoursever，C。N。
Theversesareenclosed。
THENEWBLONDEL。
OmaReine!
AlthoughtheMinstrel’slostyoulong，AlthoughforbreadtheMinstrelsings，Ah，stillforyouhepipesthesong，Andthrumsuponthecrazystrings!
AsBlondelsangbycotandhall，Throughtownandstreamandforestpassed，Andfound，atlength，thedungeonwall，AndfreedtheLion—heartatlast—
Somustyourhaplessminstrelfare，Byhillandhollowvioling；
Heflingsadittyontheair，Hewondersifyouhearhimsing!
ForinsomecastleyoumustdwellOfthiswidelandhewandersthrough—
Inpalace，tower，orcloisteredcell—
Heknowsnot；buthesingstoYOU!
Thewindmayblowittoyourear，Andyou，perchance，mayunderstand；
Butfromyourlattice，thoughyouhear，Heknowsyouwillnotwaveahand。
Youreyesuponthepagemayfall，Morelikethepagewillmissyoureyes；
Youmaybelisteningafterall，Sogoeshesingingtillhedies。
LETTER：FromtheHon。CecilBertietotheLadyGuinevere。
Mr。CecilTremayne，whoserved"UnderTwoFlags，"anofficerinherMajesty’sGuards，describestotheLadyGuineverethecircumstancesofhisencounterwithMissAnnieP。（orDaisy）Miller。TheincidenthasbeenomittedbyOuidaandMr。HenryJames。
Youaskme，Camarada，whatIthinkofthelittleAmericandonzella，DaisyMiller？HesternaRosa，ImaycrywiththeblindoldbardofTusculum；orshallwesay，HesternaMargaritae？Yesterday’sDaisy，yesterday’sRose，wereitofPaestum，whovaluesitto—day？Maisousontlesneigesd’automne？However，yesterday——thedaybeforeyesterday，rather——MissAnnieP。Millerwaswellenough。
WeweresmokingattheclubwindowsonthePonteVecchio；
Marmalada，GiovanellioftheBersaglieri，youngPontooftheK。O。B。’s，andmyself——menwhonevergiveathoughtsavetothegoldembroideryoftheirpantouflesortheexquisiteebonlaqueroftheirRussialeathercricket—shoes。Suddenlyweheardaclatterinthestreets。TheriderlesschargersoftheBersaglieriwereracingdowntheSantoCroce，andjustturning，withaswingandshriekofclatteringspurs，intotheMaremma。Inthemidstofthestreet，underourverywindow，wasalittlethinglikeabutterfly，withyeuxdepervenche。Youremember，Camarada，Voltaire’sloveofthepervenche；wehavepluckedit，havewenot？inhisgardenofLesCharmettes。Nousn’ironsplusauxbois!Basta!
Buttoreturn。Thereshestood，terror—stricken，petrified，likeherwhoofoldturnedherbackonZoarandbeheldtheincandescenthurricaneofhailsmitetheCityofthePlain!Shewasdressedinwhitemuslin，jolicommeuncoeur，withamyriadfrillsandflouncesandknotsofpale—colouredribbon。Open—eyed，open—
mouthed，shestaredatthetideoffoamingsteeds，likeamaidenmartyrgazingattheon—rushingwavesofocean!"Caramba!"saidMarmalada，"voilaunejeunefillepastropbiengardee!"
Giovanelliturnedpale，and，mutteringCorpodiBacco，quaffedacarafonofgreenChartreuse，holdingatleastaquart，whichstoodbyhiminitsnativepewter。YoungPontomerelymuttered，"Egad!"
Ileapedthroughtheopenwindowandlandedatherfeet。
Theracingsteedswerewithintenyardsofus。CalmlyIcastmyeyeovertheirpoints。Farthefleetest，thoughhedidnotholdthelead，wasMarmalada’scharger，theAtysgelding，byCelerimaoutofSacdeNuit。WithonewaveofmyarmIhadplacedheronhiscrupper，and，withthesameaction，swungmyselfintothesaddle。Then，inaflashandthunderofflyinghorses，wesweptliketawnylightningdownthePincian。ThelastwordsIheardfromtheclubwindow，throughtheheliotrope—scentedair，were"ThirtytooneonAtys，halfonlyifdeclared。"Theywerewageringonourlives；theslangofthepaddockwasontheirlips。
Onward，downward，wesped，thefairstrangerlifelessinmyarms。
Pastscarletcardinalsinmufti，pastbrilliant[Greektext]likethosewhoswayedtheCityoftheVioletCrown；pastpifferaridancinginfrontofmanyanalbergo；throughtheGhettowithitsmarmorinepalaces，overtheFountainofTrevi，acrosstheCascine，downthestreetsoftheVaticanweflewamongyellsof"Owner’sup，""Thegeldingwins，hardheld，"fromtheexcitedbourgeoisie。
HeavenandearthswambeforemyeyesaswereachedthePonsSublicia，andheardthetawnywatersofTiberswayingtothesea。
THEPONSSUBLICIAWASUP!
Withanoathofdespair，forlifeissweet，IrammedmypersuadersintoAtys，caughthimbythehead，andsenthimstraightatthefloodedTiber!
"Va—t—endonc，especedetype!"saidthegirlonmysaddle—bow，findinghertongueatlast。Fear，orgirlishmodesty，hadhithertokepthersilent。
ThenAtysroseonhisfetlocks!Despitehisdoubleburden，thegoodsteedmeanttohaveit。Hedeemed，perchance，hewaswiththeQuornortheBaron’s。Herose；hesprang。Thedeepyellowwater，coldinthemoon’srays，withthefarthestbankbutachillgreylineinthemist，laybeneathus!Amomentthatseemedaneternity!Thenwelandedonthefar—offfurtherbank，andforthefirsttimeIcouldtakeapullathishead。Iturnedhimontheriver’sbrim，andleapedhimbackagain。
TherunawaywasnowastameasadrivendeerinRichmondPark。
Well，Camarada，theadventureisover。Shewasgrateful，ofcourse。Thesepervencheeyesweresuffusedwithadewyradiance。
"Youcan’tcall，"shesaid，"foryouhaven’tbeenintroduced，andMrs。Walkersayswemustbemoreexclusive。I’mdyingtobeexclusive；butI’mverymuchobligedtoyou，andsowillmotherbe。
Let’ssee。I’llbeattheColosseumto—morrownight，aboutten。
I’mboundtoseetheColosseum，bymoonlight。Good—bye；"andsheshookherpaleparasolatme，andflutteredaway。
Ah，Camarada，shallIbethere？Quescais—je？Well，’tistimetogotothedanceattheHolyFather’s。Adieu，Carissima。——Toutavous，CIS。
LETTER：BarryLyndonMr。RedmondBarry（betterknownasBarryLyndon）tellshisunclethestoryofasingularencounteratBerlinwithMr。AlanStuart，calledAlanBreck，andwellknownasthecompanionofMr。DavidBalfourinmanyadventures。Mr。Barry，atthistime，wasinthepayofHerrPotzdorff，ofhisPrussianMajesty’sPolice，andwastheassociateoftheChevalier，hiskinsman，inthepursuitoffortune。
Berlin，April1，1748。
UncleBarry，——IdictatetoPippi，myrighthandbeingwounded，andthatbynocommonaccident。GoingdowntheLindenStrasseyesterday，Iencounteredamob；and，beingcuriousinPotzdorff’sinterest，penetratedtothekernelofit。ThereIfoundtwomenofmyoldregiment——Kurzandanother——atwordswithasmall，dark，nimblefellow，whocarriedbrightanddancingeyesinapock—markedface。Hehadhisirondrawn，aheavybox—handledcut—and—thrustblade，andseemedreadytofallatonceonthepairthathadbeenjeeringhimforhisstrangespeech。
"Whoisthis，lads？"Iasked。
"EinEnglander，"answeredthey。
"NoEnglishman，"sayshe，inacuriousaccentnotunlikeourbrogue，"butaplaingentleman，thoughhebearsaking’snameandhathAlanBrecktohisby—name。"
"Come，come，"saysIinGerman，"letthegentlemangohisway；heismyowncountryman。"Thiswastrueenoughforthem；andyoushouldhaveseentheHighlander’seyesflash，andgrowdimagain。
Itookhisarm，forPotzdorffwillexpectmetoknowallaboutthestranger，andmarchedhimdowntotheDreiKonige。
"Iamyourhost，sir；whatdoyoucallfor，Mr。Stuartof—？"saidI，knowingthereisneveraScotbuthasthenameofhiskailyardtackedtohisown。
"AKing’snameisgoodenoughforme；Ibearitplain。Mr。—？"
saidhe，reddening。
"TheycallmetheChevalierBarry，ofBallybarry。"
"Iaminthebettercompany，sir，"quothhe，withagrandbow。
Whenabowlofpunchwasbroughthetakesoffhishat，anddrinks，verysolemnly，"TotheKing!"
"Overthewater？"Iasked。
"Nay，sir，onTHISside，"hesaid；andIsmokedtheJacobite。Buttoshortenthestory，whichamusesmytediumbutmaybegetitinyou，Iaskedhimifheknewthecards。
"I’mjustdaftwhenIgettothecartes，"heansweredinhisbrogue，andwefelltopiquet。NowmyScotworeaveryfinecoat，andonthesameverylargesmoothsilverbuttons，wellburnished。
Therefore，perceivingsuchanadvantageasaskilledplayermayenjoy，Ilethimwinalittletowhethisappetite，butpresentlyusedhisbuttonsasamirror，whereinIreadilydetectedthestrengthofthecardsheheld。Beforeattemptingthisartifice，I
hadsolemnlyturnedmychairroundthrice。
"Youhavechangedtheluck，sir，"saysMr。Breck，orStuart，presently；and，risingwithamightygraveair，heturnedhiscoatandputitoninsideout。
"Sir，"saysI，"whatamItounderstandbythisconduct？"
"WhatforshouldnotIturnmycoat，forluck，ifyouturnyourchair？"sayshe。"Butifyouarenotpreceeselysatisfied，Iwillbeproudtostepoutsidewithyou。"
IansweredthatwewerenotinaHighlandwilderness，andthatifnomaliceweremeantnoaffrontwastaken。Wecontinuedatthegametill，thoughdeprivedofmymirror，Ihadwonsome500
Fredericks。Onthisherose，saying，"Sir，inthispurseyouwillfindtheexactsumthatIamowingyou，andIwillcallformyemptysporranthemorn。ItwasRobRoy’sbeforeitwasmine。"
Therewithhelaidonthetableasortofgoatskinpouch，suchasHighlandersgirdabouttheirloins，andmarchedforth。
Isettoworkatopeninghispouch，thatwasfastenedbyaspringandbutton，seemingeasyenoughofaccess。ButIhadscarcepressedthebuttonwhenlo!aflash，apistolshot，andmyrighthandisgrazedwithabulletthatflewoutofthebag。ThisHighlanderoftheDevilhadsomemechanisminhispursethatdischargedasmallsteelpistolwhenunwarilyopened。Myhandisbutslightlywounded，yetIcannotholdmysword，norhathmysearchbroughtmeanynewsofAlanBreck。HehasvanishedlikeanemissaryoftheDevilorthePretender，asIdoubtnotheis。ButIwillhavehisblood，ifheisnotoneoftheirScotchfairies。——
YourlovingNephew，REDMONDBARRY，OFBALLYBARRY。
P。S。——TheFrederickswereinthebag，alltold。
LETTER：FromMrs。GamptoMrs。Prig。
Mrs。Gampnursesanoldfriendwhoisunderasingulardelusion。
Todgers’s。
MypreciousBetsy，——WhichwhenlastweparteditwasnotasIcouldwish，butbearingmaliceinourhearts。But，asoftenandoftenMrs。Harrishavesaiditbeforeme，withthetearsinherangeleyes——oneofthemhavingaslightcastfromanaccidentwiththemoderatorlamp，Harrisbeingquickinhistemper——oftenandoftenhaveshesaidtome："Ah，Sairey，thequarrelsoffriendsisaffection’sbestrestorer。"Andgoodreasontoknowitshehave，withahusbandaswasevertrue，andnevergavehernocausetoformthewishtopizenthemashasgoodlooks，but，forIwillnotdeceiveyou，readywithhishands。
Andso，betweenyouandmemayitbe，BetsyPrig，aswasconstantpartnersaforethemChuzzlewidges，andNadgetts，andLewsomses，andTiggses，andChuffeysgotthatmixedandthataggerawatingthattorememberwhoofthempoisonedwhichorforwhyinaslimedraught，itmakesmypoorheadgoround，norcouldsuchbesoothingtothetemper。Soletbygonesbebygonesbetweenus。For，wantingofmyBetsy，Iamnowinanicestateofconfusion，withapatientaswaswellbeknowntomeinyoungerdays，whentherewasn’tsomuchofashadderonthismortialvial，{2}meaningMr。Pecksniff。Whichyouwillnotforgetofhim，byreasonofhisdaughterasmarriedthatJonadge，andhiscollarsasmintsofmoneymusthavegonetothegettingthemup；butisnowatTodgers’s，andconfusedinhispoormind，thinkinghisselfSomebodyelsehighinParliament。AndwonderatitIdonot，themChuzzlewidgesandChuffeysbeingthatdistracting，andeverprovingtobesomeotherpussonindisguise，aswouldconfugeacalkilatingboy。
Sobeingappliedtofortonightlyhim，thereinthatverysickroom——forwhyshouldIdeceiveyou？——Imeetsthedailynuss；and，Betsy，IwasthatovercometohavesuchapardnerpropogedtomeasIhadtoringandasktheyoungwomanimmediateforasmallglassoftheiroldestrum，beingwhatIamnotaccustomedtobuthavinghadaturn。For，willyoubelieveit，shewasnotawidgerwomanashasexperienceinthewaysofmen，butahuzzyinabragiancaplikethemtheNunswearin"MariarMonk，"asyoumayhaveseenitinthesmallsweet—shops，atapenny。Andherhandsaswhiteasherpapistrycap，andsheaturningupofhernoseatwhatIhadtook，andapresumingtogiveMEadviceaboutnussing，asSt。
Pancradge’sChurchyardwouldn’tholdthemI’veseencomfortabletotheirlonghomes，andnocomplaintsmadebuteverthehighestsatigefaction。SoIupsandgivesherabitofmymind；andMrs。
Todgerscomingdown，"It’sshegoesorme，"saysI，"forneverwillSaireyGampnuss，sickormonthly，withapardnerashasnotconfidenceinme，norIinher，butcontrary。"ThenSHEsaysshe’llgoandspeaktothedoctoraboutit；andoutshetrampswithhernoseintheair，andsneezingmostawful，notbeingaccustomedtothatwhichItake，finditstrengthening，butasithavebeenacauseofsorrowandstrifeletitbenamelessbetweenyouandme。
Fortohavethename"Snuffey"broughtforwarditiswhattheheartcanforgive，butneverforgetinthisvalleyoftheshaddock。
Ihavenussedamanylunacies，Betsy，andinageneralwayamdispogedtohumourthemratherthansetthemrightupaginthefirewhenfractious。ButthisPecksniffisthetryingestcreature；hehavinggotitinhismindasheisSomebodyveryhigh，andtalkingabouttheHouse，andBills，andclauses，andthe"sacredcauseofUniversalAnarchy，"forsuchwashisBiblelanguage，thoughmeaningtomenomorethanthebabeunborn。WherebyMrs。Harrisshehaveoftensaidtome，"WhatDOthemblessedinfantsoccupytheirlittlemindswithaforetheyarecalledintothatconditionwhere，unlesschangedatnuss，Providencehaveappointedthem？"AndmanyatimehaveIsaid，"Seeknot，Mrs。Harris，todiskiver；forweknownotwot’shiddeninourownhearts，andthetortersoftheImpositionshouldnotmakemediwulgeit。"
ButPecksniffisthataggravatingasIcanhardlyheedthewordsI
nowputonthepaper。
"Someofmybirdshaveleftme，"sayshe，"forthestranger’sbreast，andonehavetookwingfortheGovernmentbenches。{3}ButIhaveeversacrificedmycountry’shappinesstomyown，andIwillnotbegintoregulatemylifebyotherrulesofconductnow。I
knowthepurityofmyownmotives，andwhilemyMerry，mylittleSirWilliam，playfulwarbler，prattlesunderthispatriarchalwing，andmyCherry，mydarlingMorley，supportstheoldman’stotteringwalk，IcandowithoutmyGoschy，mydears，Icandowithouthim。"
AndwantstoborrerMYumbrellerforthem"torallyround，"thebragianidgiot!
Achatteringcreaturehealwayswere，andwillbe；but，Betsy，I
havethiswerymominkfixedhimupwithashoehorninhismouth，aswaslyingroundprovidential，andthestringsofmybonnet，andthelastwordashewillsaythisblessednightwassomelunacyabout"denouncingtheclogeure，"aswon’tgivemuchmoretroublenow。
Sohavingrungforashilling’sworthofgin—and—waterwarm，andwishingyouwasheretotakeanotherofthesame，Iputsmylipstoit，anddrinkstooneaswasmyfrequentpardnerinthismortialvale，andam，asinolddays，myBetsy’sownSAIREYGAMP。
LETTER：FromHerodotusofHalicarnassustoSophoclestheAthenian。
Herodotusdescribes，inalettertohisfriendSophocles，acuriousencounterwithamarinerjustreturnedfromunknownpartsofAfrica。
ToSophocles，theAthenian，greeting。Yesterday，asIwasgoingdowntothemarket—placeofNaucratis，ImetNicarete，whoofallthehetairaiinthisplaceisthemostbeautiful。Now，thehetairaiofNaucratisarewontsomehowtobeexceedinglyfair，beyondallwomenwhomweknow。ShehadwithheracertainPhocaeanmariner，whowasbutnowreturnedfromavoyagetothosepartsofAfricawhichliebelowArabia；andshesalutedmecourteously，asknowingthatitismywonttoseekoutandinquirethetidingsofallmenwhohaveintelligenceconcerningtheendsoftheearth。
"Hailtothee，Nicarete，"saidI；"verilythouartthismorningaslovelyasthedawn，orasthebeautifulRhodopisthatdiederethouwertborntousthroughthefavourofAphrodite。"{4}
NowthisRhodopiswasshewhobuilt，theysay，thePyramidofMycerinus：whereintheyspeaknottrulybutfalsely，forRhodopislivedlongafterthekingswhobuiltthePyramids。
"Rhodopisdiednot，OHerodotus，"saidNicarete，"butisyetliving，andasfairasevershewas；andhewhoisnowmylover，eventhisPhanesofPhocaea，hathlatelybeheldher。"
Thensheseemedtometobejesting，likethatscribewhotoldmeofKrophiandMophi；forRhodopislivedinthedaysofKingAmasisandofSapphotheminstrel，andwasbelovedbyCharaxus，thebrotherofSappho，whereforeSapphoreviledhiminasong。HowthencouldRhodopis，whoflourishedmorethanahundredyearsbeforemytime，belivingyet？
WhileIwasconsideringthesethingstheyledmeintotheboothofonethatsoldwine；andwhenNicaretehadsetgarlandsofrosesonourheads，PhanesbeganandtoldmewhatInowtelltheebutwhetherspeakingtrulyorfalselyIknownot。HesaidthatbeingonavoyagetoPunt（forsotheEgyptianscallthatpartofArabia），hewasdrivenbyanorthwindformanydays，andatlastlandedinthemouthofacertainriverwhereweremanysea—fowlandwater—birds。Andtherebyisarock，nocommonone，butfashionedintothelikenessoftheheadofanEthiopian。Therehesaidthatthepeopleofthatcountryfoundhim，namelytheAmagardoi，andcarriedhimtotheirvillage。Theyhavethispeculiartothemselves，andunlikeallotherpeopleswhomweknow，thatthewomanasksthemaninmarriage。Theythen，whentheyhavekissedeachother，aremanandwifewedded。Andtheyderivetheirnamesfromthemother；whereintheyagreewiththeLycians，whetherbeingacolonyoftheLycians，ortheLyciansacolonyoftheirs，Phanescouldnotgivemetounderstand。But，whereastheyareblackandtheLyciansarewhite，Iratherbelievethatoneofthemhaslearnedthiscustomfromtheother；foranythingmighthappeninthepastoftime。
TheAmagardoihavealsothiscustom，suchasweknowofnoneotherpeople；thattheyslaystrangersbycrowningthemwithamphorae，havingmadethemred—hot。Now，havingtakenPhanes，theywereabouttocrownhimonthiswise，whenthereappearedamongthemaveiledwoman，verytallandgoodly，whomtheyconceivetobeagoddessandworship。ByherwasPhanesdeliveredoutoftheirhands；and"shekepthiminherhollowcaveshavingadesirethatheshouldbeherlover，"asHomersaysintheOdyssey，iftheOdysseybeHomer’s。AndPhanesreportsofherthatsheisthemostbeautifulwomanintheworld，butofhercomingthither，whenceshecameorwhen，shewouldtellhimnothing。Buthesworetome，byhimwhoisburiedatThebes（andwhosenameinsuchamatterasthisitisnotholyformetoutter），thatthiswomanwasnootherthanRhodopistheThracian。ForthereisaportraitofRhodopisinthetempleofAphroditeinNaucratis，and，knowingthisportraitwell，PhanesrecognisedbyitthatthewomanwasRhodopis。{5}
ThereforeRhodopisisyetliving，beingnowaboutonehundredandfiftyyearsofage。AndPhanesaddedthatthereisinthecountryoftheAmagardoiafire；andwhosoentersintothatfiredoesnotdie，butis"withoutageandimmortal，"asHomersaysconcerningthehorsesofPeleus。Now，IwouldhavedeemedthathewasmakingamockofthatsacredstorywhichheknowswhohasbeeninitiatedintothemysteriesofDemeteratEleusis。ButheandNicareteareabouttosailtogetherwithoutdelaytothecountryoftheAmagardoi，believingthattheretheywillenterthefireandbecomeimmortal。YetmethinksthatRhodopiswillnotlooklovinglyonNicarete，whentheymeetinthatland，norNicareteonRhodopis。
Nay，beliketheamphorawillbemadehotforoneortheother。
Such，howbeit，wasthestoryofPhanesthePhocaean，whetherhespokefalselyortruly。TheGodbewiththee。
HERODOTUS。
LETTER：MrsProudieMrs。Proudie，wifeoftheBishopofBarchester，admitsMrs。
Quiverfulintoherconfidence。Mrs。Proudiefirsttakespleasureinanewandpiousacquaintance，LadyCrawley（neeSharp），butafterwardsdiscoversthetruecharacterofthisinsidiousanddangerouswoman。
ThePalace，Barchester，July17。
DearLetitia，——Theappearanceofmumpsinasmallfamilyoffourteenlikeyours，isindeedoneofthosedispensationswhichteachushowmysteriousaretheways!ButIneednottellyoutobemostcarefulaboutcold，whichgreatlyaddstothevirulenceofthecomplaint，anditisdifficultforyou，inlodgingsatBrighton，tokeepawatchfuleyeonsomanyatonce。Maythisdisciplinebeblessedtoyou，andtothedearchildren!
IhavemuchtotellyouofBarchester。Thelightworldlytoneofsomefamiliesinthisplace（IwillnotmentiontheGrantleysnortheArabins）hasbeenchecked，Ihope，byoneofthoseaccidentswhichsurely，surely，arenottobeconsideredaccidentsalone!
Youknowhowstrongismyobjectiontofancyfairsorbazaars，toooftenratherscenesofgiddymerrimentthanexhibitionsofgenuineChristianfeeling。Yetbymeansofoneofthese（howstrangelyarethingsordered!）ahappychange，Itrust，isbeingbroughtaboutinourmidst。
YouhaveheardofHogglestock，thoughyoumayneverhavevisitedthatbenightedandoutlyingparish。Indeed，Iwasnevertheremyselftilllastweek，whenTomfeltithisduty（thoughwoefullymisdirected，tomymind，butwearefalliblecreatures）togoandopenabazaarinthatplacefortherestorationofthechurch。{6}
Iaccompaniedhim；forItrustedthatanopportunitymightbemadeforme，andthatImightespeciallybearinonthemindoftherector’swifetheabsolutenecessityofSabbath—dayschools。TherectorisaMr。Crawley。Heledusonourarrivalintoasceneofredcloth，waxdollsmostindelicatelydisplayed，cushions，antimacassars，andsimilarIDOLS。TheBishop’sspeech（Icomposeditmyself）youwillreadinthe"BarchesterGuardian，"whichIsendyou。WhileapprovingtheENDherebukedtheMEANS，andtooktheopportunitytoreadamuch—neededlessononJESUITRYandthedangersofworldlinessinhighecclesiasticalplaces。Letthosewincewhofeelasenseoftheirownbackslidings。WhentheBishophadended，Ideterminedtowalkoncethroughthebazaarjusttomakesurethattherewerenolotteriesnorgamesofchance——adesecrationofourMITESnowtoo，toofrequent。AsIwasreturningthroughthethrong，alas!ofPLEASURE—SEEKERS，andwishingthatI
mightscourgethemoutoftheschoolroom，Mr。Crawleymetme，incompanywithaladywhodesired，hesaid，tobepresentedtome。
Heisadistantrelationofthewell—knowncountyfamily，theCrawleys，ofQueen’sCrawley；thepresentbaronet，SirRawdon，havingrecentlymarriedMissJaneDobbin，daughterofColonelDobbin。Theladywhowasnowintroducedtome，andwhoseSTILL
PLEASINGfacewearsanaspectofhumbledevoutness，wasLadyCrawley，motherofthepresentbaronet。
"Madam，"shesaid，"IcamehereinthebeliefthatIwasdischargingapiousduty。Mylife，alas!hasbeenoneofsoretrial，andIonlytrytodogood。"……
IwasgoingtosaythatIhadseenhernameinascoreofcharitylists，andknewherasapatronessoftheDestituteOrange—Girls，theNeglectedWasherwomen，andtheDistressedMuffin—Men。Butsheshookherhead；andthen，lookingupatmewitheyeslikeaSAINT’S
（ifourPRIVILEGESpermittedustobelieveinthesefabulousbeingsoftheRomishsuperstition），shesaid，"Ah，no!Ihavealwaysbeeninthewrong。ThebeautifuladdressoftheBishopofBarchesterhasawakenedme，andconvincedmethatthePATHdoesnotliethroughFancyFairs。Ihavetobeginagain。Whoshallguideme？"
ItrustIamnotsubjecttovanity；butthenewsthatI（forI
composedtheCharge，asImayalmostcallit）hadbeentheinstrumentofsoaffectingachangedidnotfailtopleaseme。I
thankedLadyCrawley，andexpressedmydeepinterestinheralteredconvictions。FinallyshepromisedtocomeonavisittousatthePalace（sheusuallyresidesatBathorCheltenham），andhasbeenthreedaysaninmate。NeverhaveImetamoresingularexampleofwhattheTruthcandoforonewho，assheadmits，waslongagoaworldling。"Ihaveseenthevanityofit，"shetellsme，withtearsinhereyes；andfromherexampleIexpectanAWAKENINGamongourworldlings。TheywillfollowthepathofaTITLEDperson。TomismuchinterestedinhisCONVERT，ashethinksher。NottoMEbetheglory!——Yourassuredfriend，EMILYBARNUM。{7}
FromMrs。ProudietoMrs。Quiverful。
ThePalace，Barchester，July22。
DearLetitia，——MyhandtremblessowithindignationthatIcanhardlydirectmypen。PrayBURNmyletterofJuly17atonce，ifyouhavenotalreadydoneso。{8}WehavebeenDECEIVEDinthatwoman!Sheisabrazenfaced，painteddaughterofHeth，andhasnomorerighttothetitleofLadyCrawleythanYOUhave。IamtoldthatshewasatonetimetheparamourofLordSteyne，andthatherconductmadeitimpossibleforherhusbandtolivewithher。AndthisisthewomanwhohascomewithinthegatesofthepalaceofaChristianprelate；nay，more，whohassecuredhissignaturetoachequeofveryconsiderablevalue。Ithinkmysuspicionswerefirstexcitedbythedisappearanceofthebrandyintheliqueur—
stand，andbymeeting"herladyship’s"maidcarryingthebottleuptoherroom!IspoketotheBishop，buthewouldnotlistentome—
—quiteunlikehimself；andeventurnedonmeinherdefence。
Enteringhisstudyhastilyonthefollowingday，Ifoundherkneelingathisfeet，heryellowhair（dyed，nodoubt，forshemustbesixtyifsheisaday）abouthershoulders，doingwhatdoyousuppose—？CONFESSINGHERSELFTOTHEBISHOPOFBARCHESTER
Andhewaslisteningtoher"confession"withanappearanceofinterest，andwithoneofherhandsinhis。
"Serpent!"Isaid——andhergreeneyesglitteredjustlikeone——
"unhandhislordship!"Shegavealittlelaughandsaid，"DearMrs。Proudie，donotletmemonopolisetheBishop’stime。PerhapsIamintheway？"
"Andyoushallgooutofit，"Isaid。"YouareoneofthosewhocauseIsraeltosin。YoubringtheConfessional，foritisnobetter，intothehouseofaPrelateoftheProtestantChurchofEngland!"WouldyoubelievethatshehadtheassurancetoanswermewithapassagefromthePrayerBook，whichIhaveoftenfeltcertainmustbeMISTRANSLATED？
"Pack，madam，"saidI；"weknowwhocanquoteScriptureforhisownends!"
AndIprettysoonsawheroutofthehouse，thoughNOTINTIME；fortheinfatuatedBishophadalreadygivenherachequeforasumwhichIcannotbringmyselftotellyou，fortheFundsoftheDestituteOrange—Girls。Notapennyofitwilltheyeversee；nordoIapproveofsuchostentatiousalmsinanycase。——Yoursinhaste，EMILYBARNUM。
P。S。——IhaveheardfromLadyCourtneyallherhistory。ItisABOMINABLE。
LETTER：FromRobertSurtees，Esq。，ofMainsforth，toJonathanOldbuck，Esq。，ofMonkbarns。
ItiswellknownthatMr。SurteesofMainsforthnotonlypalmedoffonSirWaiterScottseveralballadsofhisownmanufacture，butalsoinventedandpretendedtohavefoundinadocument（sinceburned）thestoryoftheduelwiththespectreknightwhichoccursinMarmion。InthefollowingletterthisingeniousantiquaryplaysthesamegamewithMr。JonathanOldbuck，ofMonkbarns，thecelebratedantiquary。AnoteonthesubjectispublishedintheAppendix。
Mainsforth，May9，1815。
DearSir，——IamsomethingoftheMussulman’shumour，asyouknow，andneverwillinglypassbyascrapofprintedpaper，howeveritcomesinmyway。Icannot，indeed，likethe"Spectator，""mentionapaperkitefromwhichIhavereceivedgreatimprovement，"nor"ahat—casewhichIwouldnotexchangeforallthebeaversinGreatBritain。"ItisinalessunlikelyplacethatIhavemadealittlediscoverywhichwillinterestyou，Ihope；forasitchances，notonlyhasalostballadbeenatleastpartiallyrecovered，but……
however，Iwillkeepyourlearnedpatienceonthetenterhooksforawhile。
BusinesstakingmetoNewcastleoflate，IfoundmyselfinBell’slittleshoponthequay。{9}Youknowthemanbyreportatleast；
heismoreacollectorthanabookseller，thoughpoor；andIverilybelievethathewouldsellallhischildren——DouglasBell，PercyBell，HobbieBell，andKinmontBell——"forasong。"Balladsarehisfoible，andhecanhardlybemadetopartwithoneofthebroadsidesinhisbrokenportfolios。Well，semelinsanivimusomnes（bytheway，diditeverstrikeyouthattheRoman"cribbed"thatline，asthevulgarsay，fromanepigramintheAnthology？），andyouandIwillscarcethrowthefirststoneatthepoorman’sfolly。However，Iamdelayingyournaturaleagerness。Sonowforthestoryofmygreatdiscovery。AsourfriendBellwouldscarcelethisdustybroadsheetlumberoutofhishands，Iwasturningtoleavehiminnoverygoodhumour，whenInoticedasmallandratherlongoctavo，indirtyandcrumpledvellum，lyingonthetopofaheapofrubbish，Boston’s"CrookintheLot，""ThePilgrim’sProgress，"andotherchap—booktrumpery。Idonotknowwhatgoodangelthatwatchesoveruscollectorsmademetakeupthething，whichIfoundtobenothinglessthanacopyofoldGuillaumeCoquillart。ItwasnotGalliotduPre’sedition，inlettresrondes，but，stillmoreprecioushaditonlybeencomplete，anexampleinblackletter。Igiveyouthewholetitle。Firstthemotto，inthefriezeofanarchitecturaldesign，[Greektext]。
Then，insmallcapitals—
LESOEUVRES
MAISTREGVIL
LAUMECOQUIL
LARTENSONVI
VANTOFFICIAL
DEREIMS。NOV
VELLEMENTRE
VEVESETCORRI
GEES。
M。D。XXXV。
OnlesvendaLyonenlaMaisondeFrancoysJuste，DemourantdevantnostreDamedeConfort。
Bybad（orgood）luckthisrarepiecewasimperfect——thebackgapingandthreesheetsgone。But，inturningovertheleaves，I
sawsomethingthatbroughtmyheart，astheysay，intomymouth。
So，beatingdownBellfromhisupsetpriceoffourpencetosixbawbees，Ipushedthetreasurecarelesslyinmypocket，andneverstoppedtillIwasinalonelyplacebyTyne—sideandsecurefromobservation。Then，withmyknife，IverycarefullyuncasedMaistreGuillaume，andextractedthesheetofparchment，printedinblackletterwithredcapitals，thathadbeenusedtolinethebinding。
Acornerofithadcreptout，throughtheinjuriesoftime，andonthat，inBell’s"crame"（foritismoreacramethanashop），IhadcaughtthemysticwordsRunjtmachtGunjt。
Andnow，Ithink，Monkbarns，youprickupyourearsandwipeyourspectacles。Thatisthemotto，aseveryoneofthelearnedfamilyofantiquariesiswellaware，and，asyouhaveoftentoldme，ofyourgreatforbear，thevenerableandpraiseworthyAldobrandOldenbucktheTypographer，whofledfromtheLowCountriesduringthetyrannicalattemptofPhilipII。tosuppressatoncecivilandreligiousliberty。Asalltheworldknows，hewithdrewfromNurembergtoScotland，andsetuphisPenatesand（whatyoumaynothithertohavebeenawareof）hisPrintingPressatFairport，andunderyourancestralroofofMonkbarns。But，whatwillsurpriseyouyetmore，theparchmentsheetwhichbearsAldobrand’smottoinGermancontainsprintedmatteringoodScots!Thisexcellentandenterprisingmanmusthavesethimselftoplyhisnobleartinhisnewhome，andinourunfamiliartongue。