"Yes，"repliedAugereau，"you’dthinkhewassolidbrass。"
TheAustriantroopswerenowconcentratedbehindthePo，butNapoleonsoonoutgeneralledtheirleaders，drovethembacktotheAdda，andhimselfpushedontotheBridgeofLodi，whichconnectedtheeastandwestbranchesofthatriver。
"WhenIsetoutfortheP。O。P。E。，"saidNapoleon，"I’mnotgoingtostophalfwayandturnbackattheP。O。We’vegottheAustriansovertheAdda，andthat’sjustwherewewantthem。IhadadreamonceabouttheBridgeofLodi，andit’scomingtruenowornever。
We’lltakeafewofourlongdivisions，crosstheAdda，andsubtractafewfractionsoftheremaindernowlefttheAustrians。Thiswilldestroytheirenthusiasm，andMilanwillbeours。"
Thewordswereprophetic，foronthe10thofMaytheFrenchdidpreciselywhattheircommanderhadsaidtheywoulddo，andonthefourteenthdayofMaythevictoriousFrenchenteredMilan，thewealthycapitalofLombardy。
"Curiousfact，"saidNapoleon。"Intimesofpeaceifamanneedsatonicyougivehimiron，anditbuildshimup；butinwarifyougivethetroopsironitbowls’emdown。LookatthoseAustrians；they’vegotnervousprostrationoftheworstsort。"
"Theygottoomuchiron，"saidLannes。
"Toomuchtonicisworsethannone。Amancanstandtenortwentygrainsofiron，butfortypoundsisratherupsetting。"
"True，"acquiescedNapoleon。"Well，itwasagreatfight，andIhaveonlyoneregret。Idowishyou’dhadaKodaktotakeafewsnap—
shotsofmeatthatBridgeofLodi。I’dliketosendsomehometothefamily。ItwouldhaveremindedbrotherJosephofoldtimestoseemedashingoverthatbridge，proddingitsplankswithmyheelsuntilitfairlycreakedwithpain。ItwouldhavemadeagoodfrontispieceforBourrienne’sbooktoo。Andnow，mydearLannes，whatshallwedowithourselvesforthenextfivedays？GetoutyourBaedeckerandletusseethisimperialcityoftheLombards。"
"There’sonematterwemustarrangefirst，"saidAugereau；"wehaven’tanystableaccommodationstospeakof。"
"What’sthematterwiththestallsattheopera—house？"suggestedNapoleon。"AsItoldthetroopstheotherday，it’sthebiggesttheatreintheworld。Yououghttobeabletostablethehorsesthereandlodgethemenintheboxes。"
"Thehorseswouldlookwellsittinginorchestrachairs，wouldn’tthey？"saidAugereau。"It’snotfeasible。Asfortheboxes，they’remostlyheldbysubscribers。"
"Thenstabletheminthepicture—galleries，"saidthegeneral。"Itwillbegooddiscipline。"
"Thepeoplewillcallthatsacrilege，"returnedAugereau。
"Notifweremovethepictures，"saidBonaparte。"We’llsendthepicturestoParis。"
Accordinglythiswasdone，andthegalleriesofFranceweretherebymuchenriched。Wementionthesedetailsatlength，becauseNapoleonhasbeenseverelycriticisedforthusimpoverishingItaly，aswellasforhisso—calledcontemptofart——acriticismwhich，inthefaceofthisaccurateversion，mustfalltotheground。ThepicturesweresentbyhimtoParismerelytopreservethem，and，ashehimselfsaid，aproposofthefamousDaVinci，beneathwhichhorsesandmenalikewerequartered："I’dhavesentthattoo，buttodoitI’dhavehadtosendthewholechapelorscrapethepictureoffthewall。
TheseItaliansshouldratherthankthancondemnmeforleavingitwhereitwas。Minewasnotanarmyofdestruction，butaSalvationArmyofthehighesttype。"
"YoumademightyfewconvertsforaSalvationArmy，"saidTalleyrand，towhomthisremarkwasaddressed。
"That’swhereyouarewrong，"saidNapoleon。"ImadeangelsofinnumerableAustrians，andconvertedquiteadealofItalianintoFrenchterritory。"
ItwashardlytobedoubtedthatNapoleon’ssuccesseswouldarousejealousiesinParis，andtheDirectory，fearingtheholdthevictoriousgeneralwasacquiringuponthepeople，tookstepstolimithispowers。BonaparteinstantlyresignedhiscommandandthreatenedtoreturntoParis，whichsofrightenedthegovernmentthattheyrefusedtoaccepthisresignation。
FromthistimeonfornearlyayearNapoleon’scareerwasasuccessionofvictories。HeinvadedthePapalStates，andacquiredmillionsoffrancsandhundredsofpictures。Hechastisedallwhoopposedhissway，and，afterpursuingtheAustriansasfarasLeoben，withinsightofVienna，hehumbledthehaughtyEmperorJoseph。
"I’llrecognizeyourRepublic，"saidtheEmperoratlast，findingthattherewasnothingelsetobedone。
"Thanks，"saidNapoleon——"Ithoughtyouwould；butIdon’tknowwhethertheRepublicwillrecognizeyou。Shedoesn’tevenknowyoubysight。"
"Isthatallyouwant？"askedtheEmperor，anxiously。
"Forthepresent，yes。SomedayImaycomebackforsomethingelse，"
returnedNapoleon，significantly。"And，by—the—way，whenyouaresendingyourcardtotheFrenchpeoplejustencloseasmallremittanceofafewmillionfrancs，notnecessarilyforpublication，butasaguaranteeofgoodfaith。Don’tsendallyou’vegot，butjustenough。Youmaywanttomarryoffoneofyourdaughterssomeday，anditwillbewelltosavesomethingforherdowry。"
ItwasinlittleactsofthisnaturethatNapoleonshowedhiswonderfulforesight。OnewouldalmostinclinetobelievefromthisparticularincidentthatBonaparteforesawtheMarie—Louiseepisodeinhisfuturecareer。
TheAustrianshumbled，NapoleonturnedhisattentiontoVenice。
Venicehadbeenbehavinginamostexasperatingfashion，andtheconquerorfeltthatthetimehadcometotaketheproudCityoftheSeainhand。
"IftheVenetianshaveanybrains，"saidhetoBourrienne，whojoinedhimaboutthistime，secretlyrepresenting，itissaid，anewspaper—
syndicateservice，"they’llputonallthesailthey’vegotandtaketheiroldcityouttosea。They’reinfortheworstduckingtheyevergot。"
"I’mafraidyou’llfindthemhardtogetat，"saidBourrienne。"Thatlagoonisawetplace。"
"Oh，asforthat，"saidBonaparte，"alittlewaterwilldothearmygood。We’vebeenfightingsohardit’sbeenmonthssincethey’vehadagoodtubbing，andaswimwon’thurtthem。SendLanneshere。"InafewminutesLannesenteredBonaparte’stent。
"Lannes，we’reoffforVenice。Providethearmywithovershoes，andhaveourluggagecheckedthrough，"saidBonaparte。
"Yes，General。"
"CanAugereauswim？"
"Idon’tknow，General。"
"Well，findout，andifhecan’twe’llgethimaballoon。"
Thus，takingeveryprecautionforthecomfortofhismenandthesafetyofhisofficers，Napoleonsetout。Venice，hearingofhisapproach，wasfilledwithconsternation，andendeavoredtotemporize。
TheDogesofferedmillionsifBonapartewouldturnhisattentiontoothers，towhichNapoleonmadethisspiritedreply："Venetians，telltheDoges，withmycompliments，thatIamcoming。ThewealthoftheIndiescouldn’tchangemymind。Theyoffermestocksandbonds；
well，Ibelievetheirstocksandbondstobeasbadlywateredastheirhaughtycity，andI’llhavenoneofthem。I’llbringmystockswithme，andyourDogeswillsitinthem。I’llbringmybonds，andyournoblesshallputthemonandmakethemclank。You’vebeendrowningFrenchmeneverychanceyou’vehad。Itwillnowbemypleasingdutytomakeyoudoalittlegurglingonyourownaccount。
You’llfindoutforthefirsttimeinyourliveswhatitistobeintheswim。Putonyourbathing—suitsandpreparefortheavenger。
ThelionsofSt。Marcmustlickthedust。"
"Wehavenodust，General，"saidoneofthemessengers。
"Thenyou’dbettergetsome，"retortedNapoleon，"foryouwillhavetocomedownwithittothetuneofmillions。"
Truetohispromise，Napoleonappearedatthelagoononthe31stofMay，andthehithertohaughtyVenicefellwithasplashthatcouldbeheardformiles，firsthavingsentfiveshipsofwar，3，000，000
francs，asmanymoreinnavalstores，twentyofherbestpictures，thebronzehorsesofthefamouschurch，fivehundredmanuscripts，andoneapologytotheFrenchRepublicasthetermsofpeace。Thebronzehorsesweresubsequentlyreturned，butwhatbecameofthemanuscriptswedonotknow。Theyprobablywouldhavebeenreturnedalso——alargeportionofthem，atleast——ifpostage—stampshadbeenenclosed。Thisismeretheory，ofcourse；butitisrenderedreasonablebythefactthatthisistheusualfateofmostmanuscripts；noristhereanyrecordoftheirhavingbeenpublishedintheMoniteur，theonlyperiodicalwhichtheFrenchgovernmentwasprintingatthattime。
AsforBonaparte，itwasasbalmtohissoultohumblethehaughtyDoges，whoseattitudetowardshimhadalwaysbeencharacterizedbyasuperciliousnesswhichfilledhimwithresentment。
"Itdidmegood，"hesaid，manyyearsafter，withalaugh，"toseethoseDogesswimmingupanddowntheGrandCanalintheirstaterobes，tryingtolookdignified，whileIstoodonthesidewalkandaskedthemwhytheydidn’tcomeinoutofthewet。"
CHAPTERVI：MONTEBELLO——PARIS——EGYPT
1797—1799
JosephinenowdeemeditwelltojoinherlordatMilan。TherehadbeensomanyonlywomenhehadeverlovedthatshewasnotsatisfiedtoremainatPariswhilehewasconductinggarden—partiesattheCastleofMontebello。Furthermore，Bonapartehimselfwishedhertobepresent。
"ThisMontebellolifeis，afterall，littleelsethanadressrehearsalforwhatistocome，"hesaid，confidentially，toBourrienne，"andJosephinecan’taffordtobeabsent。It’sagreatbusiness，thisbeingaDictatorandhavingacourtofyourown，andI’minclinedtothinkIshallfollowitupasmyregularprofessionafterI’veconqueredalittlemoreoftheearth。"
Surroundedbyeveryluxury，andinreceiptforthefirsttimeinhislifeofasteadyincome，Bonapartecarriedthingswithahighhand。
HemadetreatieswithvariouspowerswithoutconsultingtheDirectory，forwhomeverydayhefeltagrowingcontempt。
"WhatistheuseofmyconsultingtheDirectory，anyhow？"heasked。
"IfitwereanEliteDirectoryitmightbeworthwhile，butitisn’t。
Ishall，therefore，doasIplease，andiftheydon’tlikewhatIdoI’llratifyitmyself。"
Ambassadorswaiteduponhimasthoughhewereaking，andwhenoneventuredtodisagreewiththefutureEmperorhewishedhehadn’t。
Cobentzel，theenvoyoftheAustrianruler，soondiscoveredthis。
"Irefusetoacceptyourultimatum，"saidheonedaytoNapoleon，afteraprotractedconference。
"Youdo，eh？"——saidNapoleon，pickingupavaseofdelicateworkmanship。"Doyouseethisjug？"
"Yes，"saidCobentzel。
"Well，"continuedNapoleon，droppingittothefloor，whereitwasshatteredintoathousandpieces，"doyouseeitnow？"
"Ido，"saidCobentzel；"whatthen？"
"Ithasamate，"saidNapoleon，significantly；"andifyoudonotacceptmyultimatumI’llsmashtheotheroneuponyourplainbuthonestcountenance。"
Cobentzelacceptedtheultimatum。
Bonaparte’scontemptfortheDirectorywasbeginningtobesharedbyagreatmanyoftheFrench，and，tosavethemselves，the"FiveSiresoftheLuxembourg，"astheDirectorywerecalled，resolvedonabrilliantstroke，whichinvolvednolessaventurethantheinvasionofEngland。Bonaparte，hearingofthis，andanxioustoseeLondon，ofwhichhehadheardmuch，leftItalyandreturnedtoParis。
"Ifthere’safreetourofEnglandtobehad，Josephine，"saidhe，"I
amthemantohaveit。Besides，thisclimateofItalyisgettingprettyhotforanhonestman。I’verefusedtwentymillionfrancsinbribesintwoweeks。Ifthey’dofferedanothersouI’mafraidI’dhavetakenit。IwillthereforegotoParis，securethecommandofthearmyofEngland，andpayafewofmyrespectstoGeorgeThird，Esq。IhearagreatmanyEnglishdroptheirh’s；I’llseeifIcan’tmake’emdroptheirl。s。d。’saswell。"
ArrivedinParis，Bonapartewasmuchcourtedbyeverybody。
"Ihavearrived，"hesaid，withagrimsmile。"Evenmycreditorsaregladtoseeme，andI’llshowthemthatIhavenotforgottenthembyrunningupafewmorebills。"
Thishedid，goingtothesametradesmenthathehadpatronizedinhisdaysofpoverty。Tohishatter，whomheowedforhislastfivehats，hesaid：
"Theycallmehaughtyhere；theysayIamcold。Well，Iamcold。
I’veshiveredontheAlpsseveraltimessinceIwasherelast，andithaschilledmynature。Ithasgivenmethegrip，sotospeak，andwhenIlosemygriptheweatherwillbeevencolder。Givemeahat，myfriend。"
"Whatsize？"askedthehatter。
"Thesame，"saidBonaparte，withafrown。"Whydoyouask？"
"Iwastoldyourheadhadswelled，"returnedthehatter，meekly。
"Theyshallpayforthis，"murmuredNapoleon，angrily。
"Iamglad，"saidthehatter，withasigh。"Iwaswonderingwho’dpayforit。"
"Oh，youwere，eh？"saidNapoleon。"Well，wondernomore。Getoutyourbooks。"
Thehatterdidso。
"Nowchargeit，"saidNapoleon。
"Towhom？"askedthehatter。
"Thoseeminentfinanciers，Profit&Loss，"saidNapoleon，withalaugh，ashelefttheshop。"That’swhatIcallamostsuccessfulhat—talk，"headded，ashetoldBourrienneoftheincidentlaterintheday。
"Howjealoustheyallare!"saidBourrienne。"Theideaofyourhavingaswelledheadisridiculous。"
"Ofcourse，"saidNapoleon；"allI’vegotisaproperrealizationof’WhomIAm，’astheysayinBoston。Butwait，myboy，wait。WhenI
putacrownonmyhead——"
WhatBonapartewouldhavesaidwillneverbeknown，foratthatmomentthegeneral’sservantannouncedMme。SansGene，hisformerlaundress，andthatcelebratedwoman，unconventionalasever，stalkedintotheroom。Napoleonlookedathercoldly。
"Youare——？"hequeried。
"Yourformerlaundress，"shereplied。
"Ah，andyouwant——？"
"Mypay，"sheretorted。
"Iamsorry，madame，"saidtheGeneral，"buttheexpensesofmyItaliantourhavebeenverygreat，andIampenniless。Iwill，however，assistyoutothefullextentofmypower。Herearethreecollarsandadress—shirt。IfyouwilllaunderthemIwillwearthemtothestateballto—morrowevening，andwilltellallmyrichandinfluentialfriendswhodidthemup，andifyouwishIwillsendyoualettersayingthatIpatronizedyourlaundryoncetwoyearsago，andhavesinceusednoother。"
Theseanecdotes，unimportantinthemselves，arevaluableinthattheyrefutethechargesmadeagainstGeneralBonaparteatthistime——
first，thathereturnedfromEgyptwithafortune，and，second，thathecarriedhimselfwithahauteurwhichrenderedhimunapproachable。
ForvariousreasonstheprojectedinvasionofEnglandwasabandoned，andtheexpeditiontoEgyptwassubstituted。ThispleasedNapoleonequallyaswell。
"Iwasn’tstuckontheEnglishinvasion，anyhow，"hesaid，inwritingtoJoseph。"Inthefirstplace，theywantedmetogoinOctober，whentheLondonseasondoesn’tcommenceuntilspring，and，inthesecondplace，Ihatefogsandmutton—chops。Egyptismoretomytaste。Englandwouldenervateme。Egypt，withtheDesertofSaharainitsbackyard，willgivemeplentyofsand，andifyouknewwhatprojectsIhaveinmind——which，ofcourse，youdon’t，foryouneverknewanything，mydearJoseph——you’dseehowmuchofthatIneed。"
TheDirectorywerequiteasgladtohaveNapoleongotoEgyptashewastobesent。Theirjealousyofhimwasbecomingmorepainfultowitnesseveryday。
"IfhegoestoEngland，"saidBarras，"he’llconquerit，sureasfate；anditwillbenearenoughforexcursionsteamerstotaketheFrenchpeopleovertoseehimdoit。Ifthathappenswearelost。"
"He’llconquerEgypt，though，andhe’lltellaboutitinsuchawaythathewillappeartwiceasgreat，"suggestedCarnot。"Seemstomewe’dbetterselloutatonceandbedonewithit。"
"Notso，"saidMoulin。"LethimgotoEgypt。Verylikelyhe’llfalloffapyramidthereandbreakhisneck。"
"Orgetsunstruck，"suggestedBarras。
"There’snoquestionaboutitinmymind，"saidGohier。"Egyptistheplace。Ifheescapesthepyramidsorsunstroke，therearestillthelionsandthesimoon，nottomentiontherapidtidesoftheRedSea。Why，hejustsimplycan’tgetbackalive。IvoteforEgypt。"
Thusithappenedthatonthe19thdayofMay，1798，withanarmyoffortythousandmenandamagnificantstaffofpickedofficers，NapoleonembarkedforEgypt。
"I’mgladwe’reoff，"saidhetothesailorwhohadchargeofhissteamer—chair。"I’vegottohurryupandgainsomemorevictoriesortheseFrenchwillforgetme。Amanhastomakeathree—ringedcircusofhimselftokeephisnamebeforethepublicthesedays。"
"Whatareyoufightin’forthistime，sir？"askedthesailor，whohadnotheardthatwarhadbeendeclared——"ilepaintin’sorpyramids？"
"IamgoingtofreethepeopleoftheEastfromtheoppressor，"saidNapoleon，loftily。
"Andit’sanoblework，yourhonor，"saidthesailor。"Whoisitthat’soppressin’thesepeopledownEast？"
"You’llhavetoconsulttheDirectory，"saidNapoleon，coldly。
"Leaveme；Ihaveotherthingstothinkof。"
Onthe10thofJuneMaltawasreached，andtheKnightsofSt。John，longdisusedtolaborofanysort，likemanyotherknightsofmoremodernsort，surrenderedinmosthospitablefashion，invitingNapoleontocomeashoreandacceptthefreedomoftheislandoranythingelsehemighthappentowant。Hisreplywascharacteristic：
"TelltheKnightsofMaltatoattendtotheircats。I’maftercontinents，notislands，"saidhe；andwiththis，leavingadetachmentoftroopstoguardhisnewacquisition，heproceededtoAlexandria，whichhereachedonthe1stofJuly。Here，inthemidstofaterriblestormandsurf，Napoleonlandedhisforces，andimmediatelymadeaproclamationtothepeople。
"Fellahs!"hecried，"Ihavecome。Thenewspaperssaytodestroyyourreligion。Asusual，theyprevaricate。Ihavecometofreeyou。
Allyouwhohaveyokestoshedpreparetoshedthemnow。Icomewiththeolive—branchinmyhand。Greetmewithoutstretchedpalms。DonotfightmeforIamcometosaveyou，andIshallutterlyobliterateanyman，behefellah，Moujik，oreventhegreatMarmaladehimself，whoprefersfightingtobeingsaved。Wemaynotlookit，butwearetrueMussulmen。Ifyoudoubtit，feelourmuscle。Wehaveittoburn。DeserttheMamelukesandbesaved。ThePappylukesarehere。"
OnreadingthisproclamationAlexandriaimmediatelyfell，andBonaparte，usingtheKoranasaguide—book，proceededonhiswayuptheNile。Thearmysufferedgreatlyfromtheglareandburningofthesun—scorchedsand，andfromthemyriadsofpestiferousinsectsthatinfestedthecountry；butNapoleoncheeredthemon。"Soldiers!"
hecried，whentheycomplained，"ifthiswereasummerresort，andyouwerepayingfivedollarsadayforaroomatabadhotel，you’dthinkyourselvesinluck，andyou’drecommendyourfriendstocomehereforarest。Whynotimaginethistobethecasenow？Braceup。
We’llsoonreachthepyramids，andit’samightypoorpyramidthathasn’tashadyside。OntoCairo!"
"It’seasyenoughforyoutotalk，"murmuredone。"You’vegotacameltorideonandwehavetowalk。"
"Well，Heavenknows，"retortedNapoleon，pointingtohiscamel，"camelridingisn’tlikefallingoffalog。AtfirstIwascarriedawaywithit，butforthelasttwodaysithasmademesosea—sickI
canhardlyseethathump。"
Afterthistherewasnomoremurmuring，butBonapartedidnotforaninstantrelaxhisgood—humor。
"Thewaterisvile，"saidDessaix，onemorning。
"Whynotdrinkmilk，then？"askedthecommander。
"Milk!I’dloveto，"returnedDessaix；"butwhereshallIfindmilk？"
"Atthedairy，"saidNapoleon，withatwinkleinhiseye。
"Whatdairy？"askedDessaix，notobservingthetwinkle。
"Thedromedary，"saidNapoleon，witharoar。
Littleincidentslikethisservedtokeepthearmyingoodspiritsuntilthe21stofJuly，whentheycameinsightofthepyramids。
InstantlyNapoleoncalledahalt，andthearmyrested。Thenextday，drawingthemupinline，theGeneraladdressedthem。"Soldiers!"hecried，pointingtothepyramids，"fromthesummitsofthosepyramidsfortycenturieslookdownuponyou。Youcan’tseethem，buttheyarethere。NooneshouldlookdownupontheFrench，notevenacentury。
Therefore，Iaskyou，shallweallowtheforcesoftheBey，hisfellahsandhisTommylukes，todriveusintothedesertofSahara，bagandbaggage，tosubsistonasea—lessseashoreforthebalanceofourdays，particularlywhentheyhaven’tanywheelsontheircannon？"
"No，no!"criedthearmy。
"Thenupsailandaway!"criedBonaparte。"Thisistobenonavalaffair，butthearmyoftheBeyawaitsus。"
"TellthebandtoplayaWagnermarch，"hewhispered，hastily，tohisaide—de—camp。"It’llmakethearmymad，andwhatweneednowiswrath。"
SobeganthebattleofthePyramids。Theresultistoowellknowntoreadersofcontemporaryhistorytoneeddetailedstatementhere。Alldaylongitraged，andwhennightfellCairocamewithit。Napoleon，wornoutwithfatigue，threwhimselfdownonapyramidtorest。
"Ah!"hesaid，ashebreathedasighofrelief，"whatagloriousday!
We’vebeat’em!Won’ttheDirectorybeglad？M。BarraswillbemoreM。Barrassedthanever。"Then，turningandtappingonthedoorofthemassivepile，hewhispered，softly："Ah!Ptolemy，myman，it’sapityyou’venowindowsinthistomb。You’dhaveseenaprettysightthisday。Kleber，"headded，turningtothatgeneral，"doyouknowwhyPtolemyinsidethispyramidandIoutsideofitarealike？"
"Icannotguess，General，"saidKleber。"Why？"
"We’reboth’init’!"returnedNapoleon，retiringtohistent。
Lateronintheevening，summoningBourrienne，thevictorsaidtohim：
"Mr。Secretary，Ihaveanewautograph。IfPtolemycanspellhisnamewitha’p，’whyshouldn’tI？I’mnotgoingtohavehistorysaythatadeadmummycoulddothingsIcouldn’t。Pnapoleonwouldlookwellonastatepaper。"
"Nodoubt，"saidBourrienne；"buteveryonenowsaysthatyoucopyCaesar。WhygivethemthechancetocallyouanimitatorofPtolemyalso？"
"True，myfriend，true，"returnedNapoleon，inatoneofdisappointment。"Ihadnotthoughtofthat。WhenyouwritemyautographsforthechildrenoftheseJennylukes——"
"Mamelukes，General，"correctedBourrienne。
"Ah，yes——Ialwaysgetmixedinthesematters——forthechildrenoftheseMamelukes，youmaysticktotheoldform。Good—night。"
Andwiththattheconquerorwenttosleepaspeacefullyasalittlechild。
HadBonapartenowreturnedtoFrancehewouldhavesavedhimselfmuchmisery。Kingoffirethoughhehadbecomeintheeyesofthevanquished，hisbedwasfarfrombeingoneofroses。
"Inaclimatelikethat，"heobserved，sadly，manyyearsafter，"I’dratherhavebeenanicebaron。Africagotentirelytoohottocutanyicewithme。TendaysafterIhadmademyfriendPtolemyturnoverinhisgrave，AdmiralNelsoncamealongwithanEnglishfleetandchallengedourAdmiralBrueystoashooting—matchforthechampionshipofAboukirBay。Brueys，havingheardofwhatmagazinewriterscalltheshipsofthedesertinmycontrol，supposingthemtobefrigatesandnotcamels，imaginedhimselflivinginEasyStreet，andacceptedthechallenge。HeexpectedmetosailaroundtotheothersideofNelson，andsohavehimbetweentwofires。Well，I
don’tgotoseaoncamels，asyouknow，andtheresultwasthatafteratwenty—four—hourmatchthecamelsweretheonlyshipswehadleft。
Nelsonhadwonthechampionship，laidthecorner—stoneofmonumentstohimselfalloverEnglishterritory，cutmeofffromFrance，andaddedthreethousandsea—lubberstomyforce，forthatnumberofFrenchsailorsmanagedtoswimashoreduringthefight。Imannedthecamelswiththemimmediately，butittookthemmonthstogettheirlandlegson，andtheamountofgrogtheydemandedwouldhavemadeaquick—sandoftheDesertofSahara，allofwhichwasembarrassing。"
ButNapoleondidnotshowhisembarrassmenttothoseabouthim。HetookuponhimselfthegovernmentofEgypt，openedcanals，andundertooktobehavelikeapeaceablecitizenforawhile。
"Ineededrest，andIgotit，"hesaid。"Sittingontheapexofthepyramids，Icouldseethewholeworldatmyfeet，andwhateverothersmaysaytothecontrary，itwastherethatIbegantogetaclearviewofmyfuture。Itseemedtomethatfromthatloftyaltitude，chumming，asIwas，withthefortycenturiesIhavealreadyalludedto，Icouldseetwowaysatonce，thateveryglancecouldpenetrateeternity；butIrealizenowthatwhatIreallygotwasonlyabird’s—
eyeviewofthefuture。Ididn’tseethatspeckofaSt。Helena。IfIhad，intheheightofmypowerIshouldhavedespatchedanexpeditionofsappersandminerstoblowitup。"
Quiescencemightaswellbeexpectedofavolcano，however，asfromamanofBonaparte’stemperament，anditwasnotlongbeforehewasagainengagedinwarfare，butnotwithhisoldsuccess；andfinally，theplaguehavingattackedhisarmy，Bonaparte，tootender—heartedtoseeitsuffer，leavingopiumforthesickandinstructionsforKleber，whomheappointedhissuccessor，setsailforFranceoncemoreinSeptember，1799。
"Remember，Kleber，myboy，"hesaid，inparting，"theseMussulmenareaqueerlot。Becarefulhowyoutreatthem。IfyoubehavelikeaChristianyou’relost。Idon’twanttogobacktoFrance，butI
must。IgotaviewofthenextthreeyearsfromthetopofCheopslastnightjustbeforesunset，andifthatviewistobecarriedoutmypresenceinParisispositivelyrequired。ThepeoplearetiredoftheaddressesgivenbytheoldDirectory，andthey’reseriouslythinkingofgettingoutanewone，andIwanttobeonhandeithertoedititortosecuremyappointmenttosomelucrativeconsulship。"
"You!——amanofyourgeniusafteraconsulship？"queriedKleber，astonished。
"Yes，Ihavejoinedtheoffice—seekers，General；butwaittillyouhearwhatconsulshipitis。TheAmericanconsul—generalshipatLondonisworth$70，000ayear，butmine——mineincontrasttothatisasgolftomuggins。"
"AndwhatshallItellthereportersaboutthatJaffabusinessiftheycomehere？Thatpoisonscandalissuretocomeup，"queriedKleber。
"Treatthemwell。Tellthetruthifyouknowit，and——ah——invitethemtodinner，"saidBonaparte。"Givethemallthedelicaciesoftheseason。Whenyouservethepoisson，letitbewithone’s，’and，tomakeassurancedoublysure，flavorthewineswiththequickestyouhave。"
"Quickestwhat？"askedKleber，whowasslightlyobtuse。
"Humph!"sneeredNapoleon。"Onsecondthoughts，ifreportersbotheryou，takethemswimmingwherethecrocodilesarethickest——onlyeitherdon’tbathewiththemyourself，orwearyourmailbathing—
suit。Furthermore，rememberthatwhatlittleofthearmyisleftaremychildren。"
"What？"criedtheobtuseKleber。"Allthose？"
"Theyaremychildren，Kleber，"saidNapoleon，hisvoiceshakingwithemotion。"Iamyoungtobetheheadofsolargeafamily，butthefactremainsasIhavesaid。Theymayfeelbadlyatmygoingawayandleavingthemevenwithsopleasingahiredmanasyourself，butcomfortthem，letthemplayinthesandalltheyplease，andiftheywanttoknowwhypapahasgoneaway，tellthemI’vegonetoParistobuythemsomecandy。"
WiththesewordsNapoleonembarked，andonthe16thofOctoberParisreceivedhimwithopenarms。ThatnightthemembersoftheDirectorycamedownwithchillsandfever。
CHAPTERVII：THE19THBRUMAIRE——CONSUL——THETUILERIES——CAROLINE
1799
"Thereisnoquestionaboutmygreatnessnow，"saidNapoleon，ashemeditateduponhisposition。"EveniftheDirectorywerenotjealousandthepeopleenthusiastic，thenumberofrelativesIhavediscoveredinthelasttendayswouldshowthatthingsaregoingmyway。Ihavehadcongratulatorymessagesfrom800aunts，950uncles，andabout3800needycousinssincemyarrival。Itisqueerhowbigafamilyalonelymanfindshehaswhenhisstarbeginstotwinkle。
EvenJosephisgladseemenow，andIamtoldthattheice—creammenservelittlevanillaNapoleonsatalltheswelldinners。Bourrienne，ourtimehascome!Getoutmymostthreadbareuniform，frayafewofmycollarsattheedges，andshootafewholesinmyhat。I’llgooutandtakeawalkalongtheAvenuedel’Opera，wherethepeoplecanseeme。"
"Thereisn’tanysuchstreetinParisyet，General，"saidBourrienne，gettingouthisParisguide—book。
"Well，thereoughttobe，"saidNapoleon。
"Whatstreetsarethere？ImustbeseenorI’llbeforgotten。"
"What’sthematterwithaloungeinfrontoftheLuxembourg？Thatwillmakeacontrastthatcan’thelpaffectthepopulace。You，theconqueror，ill—clad，unshaven，andwithahatfullofbullet—holes，walkingoutsidethepalace，withtheincompetentDirectorslodgedcomfortablyinside，willmakeascenethatisboundtogivethepeoplefoodforthought。"
"Wellsaid!"criedBonaparte。"Herearethepistolsgooutintothewoodsandpreparethehat。I’llfraythecollars。"
Thiswasdone，andtheeffectwasinstantaneous。Thepublicperceivedthepoint，andsympathyransohighthatapublicdinnerwasofferedtothereturnedwarrior。
"Ihavenouseforpomp，Mr。Toast—master，"hesaid，asherosetospeakatthisbanquet。"Iamnotagoodafter—dinnerspeaker，butI
wantthepeopleofFrancetoknowthatIamgratefulforthismeal。
Iriseonlytoexpressthethanksofahungrymanforthistimelycontributiontohisinnerself，andIwishtoaddthatIshouldnotwillinglyhaveaddedtothealreadyheavytaxuponthepocketsofapatrioticpeoplebyacceptingthisdinner，ifitwerenotforthedemandsofnature。Itisonlythedirestnecessitythatbringsmehere；foronemusteat，andIcannotbeg。"
Theseremarks，asmaywellbeimagined，sentathrillofenthusiasmthroughoutFranceandfilledtheDirectorywithconsternation。TheonlyclouduponBonaparte’shorizonwasaslightcoldnesswhicharosebetweenhimselfandJosephine。ShehadgonetomeethimonhisarrivalatFrejus，butbysomeoddmistaketooktheroadtoBurgundy，whileNapoleoncamebywayofLyons。Theythereforemissedeachother。
"Icouldnothelpit，"shesaid，whenNapoleonjealouslychidedher。
"I’vetravelledverylittle，andthegeographyofFrancealwaysdidpuzzleme。"
"Itiscommonsensethatshouldhaveguidedyou，notknowledgeofgeography。WhenIsailintoPort，yousailintoBurgundy——you，theonlywomanIeverloved!"criedNapoleon，passionately。"Hereafter，madame，forthesakeofourstep—children，bemorecircumspect。AtthistimeIcannotaffordatriptoSouthDakotaforthepurposeofaquietdivorce，norwouldapubliconepayatthisjuncture；butI
giveyoufairwarningthatIshallnotforgetthisescapade，andoncewearesettledinthe——theWhatistobe，Ishallremember，andanotheronlywomanIhaveeverlovedwilldawnuponyourhorizon。"
BonapartewasnowbesiegedbyallthemilitarypersonagesofFrance。
HishomebecametheMeccaofsoldiersofallkinds，andinordertoholdtheirinteresttheheroofthedayfounditnecessarytodrawsomewhatuponthepossessionswhichthepeoplewereconvincedhewaswithout。Neveranadmirerofconsistency，Franceadmiredthismorethanever。Itwasaparadoxthatthispoverty—strickensoldiershouldentertainsolavishly，andthepeopleadmiredthenervewhichpromptedhimtodoit，supposing，manyofthem，thathiscreditorsweremenofaspeculativenature，whosawinthemanagood—payingfutureinvestment。
Thusmatterswentuntiltheeveningofthe17thBrumaire，whenNapoleondeemedthathehadbeenonparadelongenough，andthatthehourdemandedaction。
"ThisisthemonthofBromide，"hesaid。
"Brumaire，"whisperedBourrienne。
"IsaidBromide，"retortedNapoleon，"andthepeopleareasleep。
Bromidehasthateffect。ThatiswhyIcallitBromide，andIhaveasmuchrighttonamemymonthsasanyoneelse。WhereforeIrepeat，thisisthemonthofBromide，andthepeopleareasleep!Iwillnowwakethemup。ThegarrisonsofParisandtheNationalGuardhaveaskedmetoreviewthem，andI’mgoingtodoit，andI’veanewsetoftictacs。"
"Tactics，General，tactics，"imploredBourrienne。
"Thereisnousediscussingwords，Mr。Secretary，"retortedBonaparte。"IthasalwaysbeenthecriticismofmyopponentsthatI
didn’tknowatacticfromabedtick——well，perhapsIdon’t；andforthatreasonIamnotgoingtotalkabouttacticswithwhichIamnotfamiliar，butIshallspeakoftictacs，whichisagameIhaveplayedfrominfancy，andofwhichIamamaster。I’mgoingtogetupanewgovernment，Bourrienne。Summonallthegeneralsintown，includingBernadotte。They’reallwithmeexceptBernadotte，andhe’llbesounpleasantaboutwhatItellhimtodothathe’llmakealltheotherssomadthey’llstickbymethroughthickandthin。Ifthere’sanyirritatingworktobedone，letJosephdoit。Hehasbeenwelltrainedintheartofirritation。IhaveseenSieyesandDucos，andhavepromisedthemfrontseatsinthenewgovernmentwhichmytictacsaretobringabout。Barraswon’thavethenervetoopposeme，andGohierandMoulinhavehadtheagueforweeks。We’llhavethereview，andmyfirstordertothetroopswillbetocarryhumps；thesecondwillbetoforwardmarch；andthethirdwillinvolvetheclosingofalonglease，inmyname，oftheLuxembourgPalace，withasalaryconnectedwitheveryroominthehouse。"
Itisneedlessforustogointodetails。ThereviewcameoffasNapoleonwished，andhisorderswereimplicitlyobeyed，withtheresultthatonthe19thofBrumairetheDirectorywasfiledaway，andNapoleonBonaparte，withSieyesandDucosasfellow—consuls，werecalledupontosaveFrancefromanarchy。
"Well，Josephine，"saidBonaparte，ontheeveningofthe19th，asheputhisbootsoutsideofthedoorofhisnewapartmentintheLuxembourg，"thisisbetterthanlivinginaflat，andImustconfessIfindthefeather—bedsofthepalacemoreinvitingthanacouchofsandunderadate—treeinAfrica。"
"Andwhatareyougoingtodonext？"askedJosephine。
"Ha!"laughedNapoleon，blowingoutthecandle。"There’sawoman’scuriosityforyou!Thecontinuationofthisentertainingstory，mylove，willbefoundinvolumetwoofBourrienne’sattractivehistory，FromtheTow—pathtotheTuileries，nowincourseofpreparation，andforsalebyallaccreditedagentsatthelowpriceoftenfrancsacopy。"
WiththisremarkNapoleonjumpedintobed，andontheauthorityofM。
leComtedeQ—，atthistimeChargeaAffairesoftheLuxembourg，andlateronJanitoroftheTuileries，wassoondreamingoftheEmpire。
TheDirectoryoverthrown，BonaparteturnedhisattentiontotheoverthrowoftheConsulate。
"Gentlemen，"hesaidtohisfellow—consuls，"Iadmireyoupersonallyverymuch，andnodoubtyouwillbothofyouagreeinmostmatters，butasIamfearfullestyoushoulddisagreeonmattersofimportance，andsobreakthatbeautifulfriendshipwhichIampleasedtoseethatyouhaveforeachother，Ishallmyselfcastadecidingvoteinallmatters，largeorsmall。Thiswillenableyoutoavoiddifferences，andtocontinueinthatspiritofamitywhichIhavealwayssomuchadmiredinyourrelations。Youcanworkashardasyouplease，butbeforecommittingyourselvestoanything，consultme，noteachother。WhatisaConsulforifnotforaconsultation？"
AgainstthisSieyesandDucoswereinclinedtorebel，butBonapartesoondispelledtheiropposition。Ringinghisbell，hesummonedanaide—de—camp，whisperedafewwordsinhisear，andthenleanedquietlybackinhischair。Theaide—de—campretired，andtwominuteslaterthearmystationedwithoutbeganshoutingmostenthusiasticallyforBonaparte。TheGeneralwalkedtothewindowandbowed，andtheairwasrentwithhuzzasandvivas。
"Iguesshe’sright，"whisperedSieyes，astheshoutinggrewmoreandmorevigorous。
"Guessagain，"growledDucos。
"Youweresaying，gentlemen——？"saidBonaparte，returning。
"Thatwearelikelytohaverainbeforelong，"saidSieyes，quickly。
"Ishouldn’tbesurprised，"returnedNapoleon，"andI’dadviseyoulaymentoprovideyourselveswithumbrellaswhentherainbegins。I，asasoldier，shallnotfeeltheinclemencyoftheweatherthatisabouttosetin。And，by—the—way，Sieyes，pleaseprepareanewConstitutionforFrance，providingforasingle—headedcommissiontorulethecountry。Ducos，youneedrest。Praytakeavacationuntilfurthernotice；I’llattendtomattershere。Onyourwaydown—stairsknockatBourrienne’sdoor，andtellhimIwanttoseehim。Ihaveafewmorememoirsforhisbook。"
WiththesewordsBonaparteadjournedthemeeting。SieyeswenthomeanddrewuptheConstitution，andM。Ducosretiredtoprivatelifeforrest。TheConstitutionofSieyeswasacleverinstrument，butBonaparterendereditunavailing。Itprovidedforthreeconsuls，butoneofthemwaspracticallygivenallthepower，andtheothersbecamemerelyhisclerks。
"Thisisasitshouldbe，"saidBonaparte，whenby4，000，000votestheConstitutionwasratifiedbythepeople。"Thesethree—headedgovernmentsareapttobefailures，particularlywhentwooftheheadsareworthless。Cambaceresmakesafirst—ratebottle—holder，andLebrunisacompetentstenographer，butasfordirectingFranceinthelineofherdestinytheyareofnouse。IwillnowmoveintotheTuileries。Ihatepomp，asIhaveoftensaid，butParismustbedazzled。Wecan’trentthepalaceforahotel，andit’sapitytoletsomuchspacegotowaste。Josephine，packupyourtrunk，andtellBourriennetohaveatruckmanhereatelevensharp。To—morrownightwewilldineattheTuileries，andforHeaven’ssakeseetoitthatthebottlesarecoldandthebirdsarehot。ForthesakeoftheRepublicalso，thatwemaynotappeartooostentatiousinourliving，youmayservecreamwiththedemi—tasse。"
OnceestablishedintheTuileries，Bonapartebecameinrealitytheking，andhisfamilywhohadforalongtimegonea—beggingbegantoassumeairsofimportance，whichwereimpressive。Hissistersbegantobeinvitedout，andwerereferredtobythesocietypapersasmosteligibleyoungpersons。Theirmanner，however，wassomewhatinadvanceoftheirposition。Hadtheirbrotherbeenactuallykingandthemselvesofroyalbirththeycouldnothaveconductedthemselvesmorehaughtily。Thiswasneversofullydemonstratedaswhen，ataballgivenintheirhonoratMarseilles，anoldfriendofthefamilywhohadbeenoutrageouslysnubbedbyCaroline，askedherwhysheworehernoseturnedupsohigh。
"BecausemybrotherisreigninginParis，"sheretorted。
Inthisshebutvoicedthepopularsentiment，andtheremarkwasreceivedwithapplause；andlater，Murat，whohaddistinguishedhimselfasamilitaryman，desirousofallyinghimselfwiththerisinghouse，demandedherhandinmarriage。
"You？"criedtheFirstConsul。"Why，Murat，yourfatherkeptaninn。"
"Iknowit，"saidMurat。"Butwhatofthat？"
"Mybloodmustnotbemixedwithyours，that’swhat，"saidBonaparte。
"Verywell，Mr。Bonaparte，"saidMurat，angrily，"letitbeso；butI
tellyouonething：WhenyouseethebillsCarolineisrunningupyou’llfinditwouldhavebeenmoneyinyourpockettotransferhertome。Asfortheinnbusiness，mygovernorneverservedsuchatrociousmealsathistable—d’hoteasyouservetoyourguestsatstatebanquets，anddon’tyouforgetit。"
WhethertheseargumentsovercameBonaparte’sscruplesornotisnotknown，butafewdayslaterherelented，andCarolinebecamethewifeofMurat。
"Ineverregrettedit，"saidBonaparte，someyearslater。"Muratwasagoodbrother—in—lawtome，andhetaughtmeaninvaluablelessoninthegivingofstatebanquets，whichwasthatoneportionisalwaysenoughforthree。Andasforpartingwithmydearsister，thatdidnotdisturbmeverymuch；for，truly，Talleyrand，CarolinewastheonlywomanIneverloved。"
CHAPTERVIII：THEALPS——THEEMPIRE——THECORONATION
1800—1804
"Observe，"saidBonaparte，nowthathewasseatedontheconsularthrone，"thatoneofmybiographersstatesthat，underamanofordinaryvigorthisnewConstitutionofSieyesandanotherourgovernmentwouldbefreeandpopular，butthatundermyselfithasbecomeanunlimitedmonarchy。Thatmanisright。Iamnowapotentateofthemostpotentkind。IgotaletterfromtheBourbonslastnightrequestingmetorestorethemtothethrone。Twoyearsagotheywouldn’thavegivenmetheirautographsformycollection，butnowtheywantmetogetupfrommyseatinthiscarofstateandletthemsitdown。"
"Andyoureplied——？"askedJosephine。
"ThatIdidn’tcareforBourbon——ryesuitsmebetter，"laughedtheConsul，"unlessIcangetScotch，whichIpreferatalltimes。
Feelingthisway，IcannotpermitLouistocomebackyetawhile。
Meantime，inthehopeofreplenishingourcellarswithafewbottlesofGlenlivet，IwillwritealetterofpacificationtoGeorgeIII。，oneofthemostgorgeousrexinMadameTussaud’scollectionoflivingpotentates。"
ThisBonapartedid，askingtheEnglishkingifhehadn’thadenoughwarforthepresent。George，throughtheeyesofhisministers，perceivedBonaparte’spoint，andrepliedthathewasverydesirousforpeacehimself，butthatatpresentthemarketseemedtobecornered，andthatthereforethewarmustgoon。ThisreplyamusedNapoleon。
"Itsuitsmetotheground，"hesaid，addressingTalleyrand。"Ayearofpeacewouldinterferemateriallywithmyfuture。IfPariswerePhiladelphia，itwouldbeanotherthing。Thereonemayrest——thereisnopopulardemandforexcitement——Pennwasmightierthanthesword——buthereonehastobeinabroilconstantly；tobeachefonemustbeeternallycooking，andtheresultsmustbeofthekindthatrequiresextraeditionsoftheeveningpapers。Thedaythenewsboysstopshoutingmyname，mysunwillsetforthelasttime。Evennowthepopulacearemurmuring，fornothingstartlinghasoccurredthisweek，whichremindsme，IwishtoseeFouche。Sendhimhere。"
TalleyrandsentfortheMinisterofPolice，whorespondedtothesummons。
"Fouche，"saidBonaparte，sternly，"whatareweherefor，salaryorglory？"
"Glory，General。"
"Precisely。Now，asheadofthePoliceDepartment，areyouawarethatnoattempttoassassinatemehasbeenmadefortwoweeks？"
"Yes，General，but——"
"Hastheassassinappropriationrunout？Havetheassassinsstruckforhigherwages，orareyousimplycareless？"demandedtheFirstConsul。"Iwarnyou，sir，thatIwishnoexcuses，andIwilladdthatunlessanattemptismadeonmylifebeforeteno’clockto—
night，youloseyourplace。TheFrenchpeoplemustbekeptinterestedinthisperformance，andhowthedeuceitistobedonewithoutadvertisingIdon’tknow。Go，andrememberthatIshallbeathometoassassinsonThursdaysofalternateweeksuntilfurthernotice。"
"YourConsulship’swishesshallberespected，"saidFouche，withalowbow。"ButImustsayonewordinmyownbehalf。Youweretohavehadadynamitebombthrownatyouyesterdaybyoneofmyemployes，butthebravefellowwhowastohavestoodbetweenyouanddeathdisappointedme。Hefailedtoturnupattheappointedhour，andso，ofcourse，theassaultdidn’tcomeoff。"
"Couldn’tyoufindasubstitute？"demandedBonaparte。
"Icouldnot，"saidFouche。"Therearen’tmanypersonsinPariswhocareforthatkindofemployment。They’drathershovelsnow。"
"Youareagaystage—manager，youare!"snappedBonaparte。"MybrotherJosephisintown，andyetyousayyoucouldn’tfindamantobehitbyabomb。Leaveme，Fouche。Yougivemetheennuis。"
FouchedepartedwithTalleyrand，towhomheexpressedhisindignationattheFirstConsul’sreprimand。
"Heinsistsuponanattemptedassassinationeveryweek，"hesaid；
"andItellyou，Talleyrand，itisn’teasytogetthesethingsup。
Themarketislongonrealassassins，fellowswho’dkillhimforthemerefunofhearinghislastwords，butwhenitcomestoplayingtothegallerieswithamockattemptwithrealconsequencestothewould—bemurderers，theyfightshyofit。"
Nevertheless，FouchelearnedfromtheinterviewwithBonapartethattheFirstConsulwasnottobetrifledwith，andhardlyadaypassedwithoutsomeexcitingepisodeinthisline，inwhich，ofcourse，Napoleonalwayscameoutunscathedandmuchendearedtothepopulace。
This，however，couldnotgoonforever。ThefickleFrenchsoonweariedoftheseriesofunsuccessfulattemptsontheConsul’slife，andsomebegantosuspectthetruestateofaffairs。
"They’reontoourscheme，General，"saidFouche，afterawhile。
"You’vegottodosomethingnew。"
"Whatwouldyousuggest？"askedNapoleon，wearily。
"Can’tyouwriteabookofpoems，orathree—volumenovel？"suggestedTalleyrand。
"Orresign，andletSieyesrunthingsforawhile？"saidFouche。"IftheyhadanotherConsulforafewmonths，they’dappreciatewhatavaudevilleshowtheylostinyou。"
"I’drathercrosstheAlps，"saidBonaparte。"Idon’tliketoresign。Movingissuchanuisance，andImustsayIfindtheTuileriesaverypleasantplaceofabode。It’smorefunthanyoucanimaginerummagingthroughthelateking’soldbureau—drawers。
SupposeIgetupanewarmyandleaditovertheAlps。"
"Justthething，"saidTalleyrand。"Onlyitwillbeaverysnowytrip。"
"I’musedtosnow—balls，"saidNapoleon，hismindrevertingtotheepisodewhichbroughthiscareeratBriennetoaclose。"JustorderanarmyandamuleandI’llsetout。Meanwhile，Fouche，seethattheBourbonshaveaconspiracytobeunearthedintimefortheSundaynewspaperseveryweekduringmyabsence。Ithinkitwouldbewell，too，tokeepawar—correspondentatworkinyourofficenightandday，writingdespatchesaboutmyprogress。GivehimagoodbookonHannibal’striptostudy，andlethimfillinacolumnortwoeverydaywithanecdotesaboutmyself，andatconvenientintervalsunsuccessfulattemptstoassassinateJosephinemaycomeinhandy。
LetitberumoredoftenthatIhavebeenoverwhelmedbyanavalanche—
—inshort，keeptheinterestup。"
SoitwasthatBonapartesetoutuponhisperilousexpeditionovertheGreatSt。Bernard。Onthe15thdayofMay，1800，thetaskofstartingthearmyinmotionwasbegun，andonthe18theverycolumnwasinfullswing。Lannes，withanadvanceguardarmedwithsnow—
shovels，tookthelead，andBonaparte，commandingtherearguardof35，000menandtheartillery，followed。
"Soldiers!"hecried，astheycameneartothesnow—boundheights，"wecannothaveourplum—cakewithoutitsfrosting。Likechildren，wewillhavethefrostingfirstandthecakelater。LannesandhisfollowershavenotcleanedthesnowoffasthoroughlyasIhadhoped，butIfancyhehasdonethebesthecan，anditisnotforustocomplain。Letuson。Theup—tripwillbecoldandtedious，butonceonthesummitofyondericyridgewecanseatourselvescomfortablyonourgunsandslidedownintothelovelyvalleysontheothersidelikeabandofmerryschool—boysontoboggans。Aboveall，donotforgetthechiefdutyofasoldierintimesofperil。Inspiteofthesnowandtheice，inspiteoftheblizzardandthesleet，keepcool；and，furthermore，rememberthatinthisclimate，ifyourearsdon’thurt，it’sasigntheyarefreezing。Enavant!Noussommeslepeuple。"
Thearmyreadilyrespondedtosuchhopefulwords，andasBonapartemanifestedquiteasmuchwillingnesstowalkasthemeanestsoldier，disdainingtoride，exceptoccasionally，andeventhenonthebackofamule，hebecametheiridol。
"Hedoesnotsparehimselfanymorethanhedoesus，"saidoneofhissoldiers，"andhecanpackasnow—ballwiththebestofus。"
TheGeneralcatered，too，totheamusementofhistroops，andthebrassesofthebandbroketheicystillnessofthegreathillscontinually。
"Music’sthething，"hecried，manyyearslater，"andwhenwegottothetopwehadthemostoriginalroof—gardenyoueversaw。Itwasmostinspiring，andtheonlythingthatworriedmeatallwasastohowFouchewasconductingouranecdoteandassassinationenterpriseathome。OnceontopoftheAlps，thedescentwaseasy。Wesimplylaydownonourarmsandslid。Downthemountain—sidewethundered，andtheAustrians，whentheyobservedourimpetus，gavewaybeforeus，andthefirstthingIknewIskatedslam—bangintotheEmpire。
OuravalanchiandescentsubjugatedItaly；frightenedtheEnglishmentoAlexandria，where，intheabsenceofawell—organizedforce，theymanagedtotriumph；scaredthePopesothoroughlythathewaswillingtosignanythingIwished；and，bestofall，afterafewpettydelays，convincedtheFrenchpeoplethatIwastoobigamanforamereconsulship。Itwasmychamois—likeagilityingettingdowntheAlpsthatreallymademeEmperor。Asforthearmy，itfoughtnobly。
ItwassothoroughlychilledbytheAlpineventurethatitfoughtdesperatelytogetwarm。Mygrenadiers，congealedtotheirverysouls，wentwherethefirewashottest。Theyseizedbomb—shellswhiletheywereyetintheair，warmedtheirhandsuponthem，andthenthrewthembackintotheenemy’scamp，wheretheyexplodedwithgreatcarnage。Theydidnotevenknowwhentheywerekilled，sobenumbedbythecoldhadtheybecome。Inshort，thosedaysontheAlpsmadeusinvincible。Nowonder，then，thatin1804，whenIgotpermanentlybacktoParis，Ifoundthepeoplereadyforanemperor!
Theywerebloodyyears，thosefrom1800to1804，butitwasnotentirelymyfault。Ishedverylittlemyself，buttheEnglishandtheAustriansandtheroyalistfollowerswouldhaveitso，andIhadtoaccommodatethem。IdidnotwishtoexecutetheDucd’Enghien，buthewouldinterferewithFouchebygettingupconspiraciesonhisownaccount，whenIhadgiventheconspiracycontracttooneofmyownministers。Thepoorfellowhadtodie。Itwasacaseofnodie，noEmpire，andIthoughtitbestfortheFrenchpeoplethattheyshouldhaveanEmpire。"
ThosewhocriticiseBonaparte’sactsintheseyearsshouldconsiderthesewords，andrememberthatthegreatwarriorinnocasedidanyofthekillinghimself。
Itwasonthe18thofMay，1804，thattheEmpirewasproclaimedandNapoleonassumedhisnewtitleamidgreatrejoicing。
"Nowforthecoronation，"hesaid。"Thisthingmustgooffinstyle，Fouche。WhomshallIhavetocrownme？"
"Well，"saidFouche，"ifyouareafterasensation，I’dsendforLouisdeBourbon；ifyouwantittogooffeasily，I’dsendforyouroldhatterintheRuedeVictoire；ifyouwanttogiveitaceremonialtouch，I’dsendforthePope，but，onthewhole，IratherthinkI’ddoitmyself。Youpickeditupyourself，whynotputitonyourownhead？"
"Goodidea，"returnedBonaparte。"Andhighlyoriginal。Youmayincreaseyoursalaryahundredfrancsaweek，Fouche。I’llcrownmyself，butIthinkitoughttocomeasasurprise，don’tyou？"
"Yes，"saidFouche。"Thatis，ifyoucansurprisetheFrenchpeople—
—whichIdoubt。IfyouwalkedintoNotreDameto—morrowonyourhands，withthecrownofFranceononefootandthediademofItalyontheother，thepeoplewouldn’tbeabitsurprised——you’realwaysdoingsuchthings。"
"Nevertheless，"saidNapoleon，"we’llsurprisethem。SendwordtothePopethatIwanttoseehimofficiallyonDecember2datNotreDame。Ifhehesitatesaboutcoming，tellhimI’llwalkoverandbringhimmyselfthefirstcleardaywehave。"
Thisplanwasfollowedouttotheletter，andthePope，leavingRomeonthe5thofNovember，enteredParistocrowntheEmperorandEmpressoftheFrenchonDecember2，1804，asrequested。Whatsubsequentlyfollowedtheworldknows。JustasthePopewasabouttoplacetheimperialdiademonthebrowofBonaparte，theEmperorseizeditandwithhisownhandsplaceditthere。
"Excuseme，yourHoliness，"hesaid，ashedidso，"butthejokeisonyou。Thisismycrown，andIthinkI’mabigenoughmantohangitupwhereitbelongs。"
PiusVII。wasmuchchagrined，but，likethegoodmanthathewas，hedidnotshowit，nordidheresenttheEmperor’ssecondinterferencewhenitcametothecrowningofJosephine。Thecoronationover，NapoleonandJosephineturnedtothesplendidaudience，andmarcheddownthecentreaisletothedoor，wheretheyenteredasuperbgoldencarriageinwhich，amidtheplauditsofthepeople，theydrovetotheTuileries。
"Ah——atlast!"saidBonaparte，asheenteredthePalace。"Ihavegotthere。Thethingtodonowistostaythere。Ah，me!"headded，withasigh。"TheseFrench——theseFrench!theyareasfickleastheonlywomanIhaveeverloved。By—the—way，Josephine，whatwasityouaskedmeonthewaydowntheaisle？ThepeoplehowledsoIcouldn’thearyou。"
"Ionlyaskedyouif"——heretheEmpresshesitated。
"Well？Ifwhat？"frownedtheEmperor。
"Ifmycrownwasonstraight，"returnedJosephine。
"Madame，"saidtheEmperor，sternly，"whenyouarepromptedtoaskthatquestionagain，rememberwhogaveyouthatcrown，andwhenyourememberthatitwasI，rememberalsothatwhenIgiveanythingtoanybodyIgiveittothemstraight。"
HeretheEmperor’sfrownrelaxed，andheburstoutintolaughter。
"Butthatwasabadbreakoftheorganist!"hesaid。
"Whichwasthat？"askedJosephine。
"Why——didn’tyounoticewhenthePopecameinheplayed’TiaraBoom—
de—ay’？"saidBonaparte，witharoar。"Itwasawful——Ishallhavetosendhimapourboire。"
CHAPTERIX：THERISEOFTHEEMPIRE
1805—1810
"Whatnext？"askedFouche，themorningafterthecoronation，asheenteredtheEmperor’scabinet。
"Breakfast，"returnedBonaparte，laconically；"whatdidyousuppose？
Youdidn’tthinkIwasgoingswimmingintheSeine，didyou？"
"Ineverthink，"retortedFouche。
"That’sevident，"saidNapoleon。"Isthearch—treasurerofmyempireupyet？TheEmpressisgoingshopping，andwantsanappropriation。"
"Heis，YourMajesty，"saidFouche，lookingathismemorandum—book。
"Heroseat7：30，dressedasusual，partedhishairontheleft—handside，andbreakfastedateight。At8：15hereadtheMoniteur，andsneezedtwicewhileperusingthesecondcolumnofthefourthpage——"
"Whatisthemeaningofthesepettydetails？"criedtheEmperor，impatiently。
"ImerelywishedtoshowYourMajestythatastheSherlockHolmesofthisadministrationIamdoingmyduty。Thereisn’tamaninFrancewhoisnotbeingshadowedinyourbehalf，"returnedtheministerofpolice。
TheEmperorlookedoutofthewindow；then，turningtoFouche，hesaid，thestern，impatientlookfadingintosoftness，"Pardonmyirritability，Fouche。Youareagenius，andIappreciateyou，thoughImaynotalwaysshowit。Ididn’tsleepwelllastnight，andinconsequenceIamnotundulyamiablethismorning。"
"YourMajestyisnotill，Itrust？"saidFouche，withashowofanxiety。
"No，"repliedtheEmperor。"Thefactis，oldman，I——ah——IforgottotakethecrownoffwhenIwenttobed。"
Thusbeganthatwonderfulreignwhichformssomanydazzlingpagesinmodernhistory。Bonaparte’sfirstactafterprovidinglucrativepositionsforhisfamilywastowriteanotherletter，couchedinlanguageofamostfraternalnature，totheKingofEngland，askingforpeace。
"DearCousinGeorge，"hewrote，"youhaveprobablyreadinthenewspapersbythistimethatI’mworkingunderanewalias，andI
hopeyouwilllikeitaswellasIdo。It’sgreatfun，butthereisonefeatureofitallthatIdon’tlike。Ihatetobefightingwithmynewcousinsallthetime，andparticularlywithyouwhomIhavealwaysloveddeeply，thoughsecretly。Now，mydearGeorge，letmeaskyouwhat’stheuseofaprolongedfight？You’vewaxedfatintenyears，andsohaveI。We’vepaintedtheearthredbetweenus。Whycan’twebesatisfied？Whyshouldourrelationscontinuetobestrained？I’vegotsomepersonalrelationsI’dliketohavestrained，butIcanattendtothemmyself。LetUShavepeace。I
don’twanttoobigapiece。Givemeenough，andyoucanhavetherest。Letusrestoretheententecordialeandgoaboutourbusinesswithoutanyfurtherscrapping。’Letdogsdelighttobarkandbite，’
asyourillustriouspoethathit，’for’tistheirnatureto。’Asforus，theearthislargeenoughforboth。YoutaketheWesternHemisphereandI’llkeepthis。Russiaandtheotherscanhavewhatremains。
Yourstruly，NAPOLEON，EmperoroftheFrench。
"P。S。——Iencloseastampedanddirectedenvelopeforareply，andifIdon’tgetitinsideoftwoweeksI’llcomeoverandsmokeyouout。"
Tothispeace—seekingcommunicationEngland，throughherministers，repliedtotheeffectthatshewantedpeaceasmuchasFrancedid，butthatshecouldnotenterintoitwithouttheconsentofRussia。
"Thatsettlesit，"saidNapoleon。"It’stobewar。I’mwillingtodividecreationwithEngland，buttwo’scompanyandthree’sacrowd，andtheRussianBearmustkeephispawsoff。IwillgotoItaly，Bourrienne，collectafewmorethrones，andthenwe’llgettoworkonanewmapofEurope。Russianeverdidlookwellorgracefulontheexistingmaps。Itmakesthecontinentlooklop—sided，andGermanyandAustrianeedtrimmingdownabit。IproposetoshoveRussiaoverintoAsia，annexGermanyandAustriatoFrance，dropTurkeyintotheBosporus，andtowEnglandfarthernorthandhitchherontothenorthpole。WiretheItalianstogetouttheirironcrownanddustitoff。
I’lltakearundowntoMilan，inMay，andgivemycoronationperformancethere。SuchagoodshowasthatofDecember2ndoughttobetakenontheroad。"
Thelatterpartofthisplanwasfulfilledtotheletter，andonthe20thofMay，1805，BonaparteandJosephinewerecrownedKingandQueenofItalyatMilan。
"Now，mydear，"saidBonaparte，aftertheceremony，"hereafterwemustdropthefirstpersonsingularIandassumethedignityoftheeditorialWE。Emperorsandeditorsalikeareentitledtothedistinction。It’sasignofpluralitywhichisoftenquiteaseffectiveasamajority。Furthermore，youandWecandoitlogically，forweareseveralpersonsallatonce，whatwiththeassortmentofthronesthatwehaveacquiredinthesecond—handshopsoftheearth，allofwhichmustbesaton。"
CrownedKingofItaly，leavingEugenedeBeauharnaisasViceroyatMilan，NapoleonreturnedtoParis。
"NowthatWehavereplenishedourstockofcrowns，"hesaidtohisgenerals，"WewillmakeatourofGermany。We’vealwayshadagreatdesiretovisitBerlin，andnow’sourimperialchance。Tellthearch—treasurertotelephoneFredericktoreservehisbestpalaceforouroccupancy。"
Thenbeganaseriesofwar—cloudswhichkepttheEuropeancorrespondentsoftheAmericanSundaynewspapersinastateofanxiousturmoilforyears。Inourowntimeasinglewar—cloudisenoughtodriveacapablecorrespondenttothevergeofdesperation，butwhenweconsiderthatBonapartewaslettingloosethecloudsofwarinallsectionsofEuropesimultaneously，itiseasytounderstandhowithascomeaboutthatweofto—day，whostudyhistoryinthedailypress，havethemostvagueideasastothemotivesofthequarrellingpotentatesatthebeginningofthiscentury。
Forinstance，afterstartingforBerlin，BonapartemakesadiversionatUlm，andendsforthemomentbycapturingViennaandtakinguphisabodeinthecastleofSchonbrunn，thehomeoftheAustrianCaesars。
ThenthesceneofactivityistransferredtoCapeTrafalgar，whereNelsonroutstheFrenchfleet，andBonaparteisforaninstantdiscomfited，butabovewhichherisessuperior。
"IfWehadbeenthereourselfWe’dhavefeltworseaboutit，"hesaid。"ButWewerenot，andthereforeitisnoneofourfuneral——
and，afterall，whathasitaccomplished？ThehoardofaldermenofLondonhavenamedasquareinLondonafterthecape，andstuckupamonumenttoNelsoninthemiddleofit，whichistherendezvousofallthestrikersandsocialistsofEngland。SomedayWe’llgoovertoTrafalgarSquareourselfandputanewfaceonthatstatue，anditwillbearsomeresemblancetous，unlessWearemistaken。WhenWegetbacktoParis，likewise，Wewillissueanimperialdecreeorderinganewnavyforthesecapableadmiralsofoursmoresuitedtotheirabilities，andM。Villeneuveshallhavehischoicebetweenacamelandagravy—boatforhisflag—ship。"
Nevertheless，theEmperorrealizedthathisprestigehadreceivedablowwhichitwasnecessarytoretrieve。
"Parisdoesn’tlikeit，"wroteFouche，"andthegeneralsentimentseemstobethatyourshowisn’twhatitusedtobe。Youneedavictoryjustaboutnow，andifyoucouldmanagetolosealegonthefieldofbattleitwouldstrengthenyourstandingwithyoursubjects。"
"GoodFouche，"murmuredtheEmperortohimselfashereadthedespatch。"Youareindeedwatchfulofourinterests。Itshallbedoneasyousuggest，evenifitcostsaleg。WewillengagetheRussiansatAusterlitz。"
Onthe2dofDecemberthisbattleoftheEmperorswasfought，andresultedinamostgloriousvictoryfortheFrencharms。
"Wescoredseventouch—downsinthefirstfiveminutes，andattheendofthefirsthalfweretengoalstothegood，"saidBonaparte，writinghometoJosephine，"andallwithoutmytouchingtheball。
TheEmperorofGermanyandtheexcessivelysmartAlexanderofRussiasatondead—headhillandwatchedthegamewithinterest，butinspiteofmyrepeatedeffortstogetthemtodoso，wereutterlyunwillingtocovermybetsonthefinalresult。Thesecondhalfopenedbrilliantly。Muratmadeaflyingwedgewithourcentre—rush，threwhimselfimpetuouslyuponKutusoff，theRussianhalf—back，pushedtheenemybackbeyondthegoalposts，andthegamewaspracticallyover。Theemperorsondead—headhillgaveitupthenandthere，andthechampionshipof1805isours。WeunderstandEnglanddisputesthis，butwearewillingtoplaythemonneutralgroundatanytime。Theycanbeatusinaquaticsports，butgivenagood，hard，real—estatefield，wecandothemupwhetherWellingtonplaysornot。"
"Itwasagloriousvictory，"wroteFouchetotheEmperor，"andithashadagreateffectonParis。YouarecalledtheHinkeyofyourtime，butIstillthinkyouerredinnotlosingthatleg。Can’tyouworkinanothercoronationsomewhere？Youhaven’tacquiredanewthroneinoversixmonths，andthepeoplearebeginningtomurmur。"
Bonaparte’sreplywasimmediate。
"Amtoobusytogothrone—hunting。SendmybrotherJosephdowntoNaplesasmyagent。There’sacrownthere。Lethimputiton，andtellParisthatheismyproxy。Josephmaynotwanttogobecauseofthecholerascare，buttellhimWewishit，andifhestilldemurswhispertheword’Alp’inhisear。He’llgowhenhehearsthatword，particularlyifyousayitinthatshort，sharp，anddecisivemannertowhichitsoreadilylendsitself。"
Theseinstructionswerecarriedout，andPariswasforthetimebeingsatisfied；buttoclinchmatters，asitwere，theEmperorwentstillfurther，andmarriedEugenedeBeauharnaistothedaughteroftheKingofBavaria，conferredafewchoiceprincipalitiesuponhissisterEliza，and，sendingforPrinceBorghese，oneofthemostaristocraticgentlemenofItaly，gavehiminmarriagetohissisterPauline。
"We’regettingintogoodsocietybydegrees，"wrotetheEmperortotheEmpress，"andnowthatyouarethemother—in—lawofarealprince，kindlyseethatyourmannerisimperioustotheextremedegree，andstopservingpieatstatebanquets。"
ThesucceedingtwoyearswerebutrepetitionsofthefirstyearoftheEmpire。Bonaparteproceededfromonevictorytoanother。
Prussiawashumbled。TheFrenchEmperoroccupiedBerlin，and，ashehaddoneinItaly，levieduponthearttreasuresofthatcityfortheenrichmentofParis。
"We’llhavequiteaSalonifwegoon，"saidBonaparte。
"Anybody’dthinkyouweregettingupacornerinoil，"saidFrederick，ruefully，ashewatchedthepackersatworkboxinghismosttreasuredpaintingsforshipment。
"Weamgettingupacornerinallthings，"retortedBonaparte。
"PariswillsoonbetheBostonofEurope——itwillbetheHuboftheUniverse。"
"Youmightleavemesomething，"saidthePrussianking。"Ihaven’tanoldmasterleft。"
"Well，nevermind，"saidNapoleon，soothingly。"We’llbeayoungmastertoyou。Nowgotobed，likeagoodfellow，andtakeagoodrest。There’sadelegationofPoleswaitingformeoutside。TheythinkWeamgoingtoerectatelegraphsystemtoRussia，andtheywantemployment。"
"Asoperators？"askedFrederick，sadly。
"No，stupid，"returnedNapoleon，"asPoles。"
ThePrussianlefttheroomintears。TohisgreatregretpolicycompelledBonapartetodeclinethepetitionofthePolanderstobeallowedtorehabilitatethemselvesasanation。Aswehaveseen，hewasamanofpeace，andmanymilesawayfromhomeatthat，andhencehadnodesiretofurtherexasperateRussiabymeddlinginanaffairsoclosetotheCzar’sheart。ThisdiplomaticforesightresultedinthePeaceofTilsit。TheCzar，appreciatingBonaparte’sdelicacyinthematterofPoland，wasquitewonover，andconsentedtoaninterviewbymeansofwhichabasismightbereacheduponwhichallmightrestfromwarfare。Tilsitwaschosenastheplaceofmeeting，andfearinglesttheymightbeinterruptedbyreporters，thetwoemperorsdecidedtoholdtheirconferenceuponaraftanchoredinthemiddleoftheriverNiemen。Itmustberememberedthattugshadnotbeeninventedatthistime，sothattheraftwascomparativelysafefromthose"Boswellsofthenews，"asreportershavebeencalled。
Fouchewasveryanxiousaboutthisdecisionhowever。
"Lookoutforyourself，mydearEmperor，"hewrote。"Wearacorksuit，orinsistthattheraftshallbeplentifullysuppliedwithlife—preservers。ThoseEasternemperorswouldlikenothingbetterthantohaveyoufounderintheNiemen。"
"Wearenotafraid，"Napoleonreplied。"IfthecraftsinksWeshallswimashoreonAlexander’sback。"Nevertheless，allotherhistorianstothecontrary，Bonapartedidwearacorksuitbeneathhisuniform。
WehavethisontheauthorityofthenephewofthevaletofthelateNapoleonIII。，whohadaccesstotheprivatepapersofthiswonderfulfamily。