Toallquestionsheonlyansweredthis：
　　"Ihadknownthemanfortwoyears，thewomanforsixmonths.Theyoftenhadmerepairoldfurnitureforthem，becauseIamacleverworkman."
　　Andwhenhewasasked：
　　"Whydidyoukillthem？"
　　Hewouldobstinatelyanswer：
　　"IkilledthembecauseIwantedtokillthem."
　　Theycouldgetnothingmoreoutofhim.
　　Thismanwasundoubtedlyanillegitimatechild，putouttonurseandthenabandoned.HehadnoothernamethanGeorgesLouis，butasongrowinguphebecameparticularlyintelligent，withthegoodtasteandnativerefinementwhichhisacquaintancesdidnothave，hewasnicknamed"theBourgeois，"andhewasnevercalledotherwise.Hehadbecomeremarkablycleverinthetradeofacarpenter，whichhehadtakenup.Hewasalsosaidtobeasocialistfanatic，abelieverincommunisticandnihilisticdoctrines，agreatreaderofbloodthirstynovels，aninfluentialpoliticalagitatorandacleveroratorinthepublicmeetingsofworkmenoroffarmers.
　　Hislawyerhadpleadedinsanity.
　　Indeed，howcouldoneimaginethatthisworkmanshouldkillhisbestcustomers，richandgenerous（asheknew），whointwoyearshadenabledhimtoearnthreethousandfrancs（hisbooksshowedit）？Onlyoneexplanationcouldbeoffered：insanity，thefixedideaoftheunclassedindividualwhoreeksvengeanceontwobourgeois，onall，thebourgeoisie，andthelawyermadeacleverallusiontothisnicknameof"TheBourgeois，"giventhroughouttheneighborhoodtothispoorwretch.
　　Heexclaimed：
　　"Isthisironynotenoughtounbalancethemindofthispoorwretch，whohasneitherfathernormother？Heisanardentrepublican.WhatamI
　　saying？Heevenbelongstothesamepoliticalparty，themembersofwhich，formerlyshotorexiledbythegovernment，itnowwelcomeswithopenarmsthispartytowhicharsonisaprincipleandmurderanordinaryoccurrence.
　　"Thesegloomydoctrines，nowapplaudedinpublicmeetings，haveruinedthisman.Hehasheardrepublicans——evenwomen，yes，women———askforthebloodofM.Gambetta，thebloodofM.Grevy;hisweakenedmindgaveway;
　　hewantedblood，thebloodofabourgeois！
　　"Itisnothewhomyoushouldcondemn，gentlemen;itistheCommune！"
　　Everywherecouldbeheardmurmursofassent.Everyonefeltthatthelawyerhadwonhiscase.Theprosecutingattorneydidnotopposehim.
　　Thenthepresidingjudgeaskedtheaccusedthecustomaryquestion：
　　"Prisoner，isthereanythingthatyouwishtoaddtoyourdefense？"
　　Themanstoodup.
　　Hewasashort，flaxenblond，withcalm，clear，grayeyes.Astrong，frank，sonorousvoicecamefromthisfrail—lookingboyand，atthefirstwords，quicklychangedtheopinionwhichhadbeenformedofhim.
　　Hespokeloudinadeclamatorymanner，butsodistinctlythateverywordcouldbeunderstoodinthefarthestcornersofthebighall：
　　"Yourhonor，asIdonotwishtogotoaninsaneasylum，andasIevenpreferdeathtothat，Iwilltelleverything.
　　"Ikilledthismanandthiswomanbecausetheyweremyparents.
　　"Now，listen，andjudgeme.
　　"Awoman，havinggivenbirthtoaboy，senthimout，somewhere，toanurse.Didsheevenknowwhereheraccomplicecarriedthisinnocentlittlebeing，condemnedtoeternalmisery，totheshameofanillegitimatebirth;tomorethanthat——todeath，sincehewasabandonedandthenurse，nolongerreceivingthemonthlypension，might，astheyoftendo，lethimdieofhungerandneglect！
　　"Thewomanwhonursedmewashonest，better，morenoble，moreofamotherthanmyownmother.Shebroughtmeup.Shedidwrongindoingherduty.
　　Itismorehumanetoletthemdie，theselittlewretcheswhoarecastawayinsuburbanvillagesjustasgarbageisthrownaway.
　　"IgrewupwiththeindistinctimpressionthatIwascarryingsomeburdenofshame.Onedaytheotherchildrencalledmea’b—————’.Theydidnotknowthemeaningofthisword，whichoneofthemhadheardathome.
　　Iwasalsoignorantofitsmeaning，butIfeltthestingallthesame.
　　"Iwas，Imaysay，oneofthecleverestboysintheschool.Iwouldhavebeenagoodman，yourhonor，perhapsamanofsuperiorintellect，ifmyparentshadnotcommittedthecrimeofabandoningme.
　　"Thiscrimewascommittedagainstme.Iwasthevictim，theyweretheguiltyones.Iwasdefenseless，theywerepitiless.Theirdutywastoloveme，theyrejectedme.
　　"Iowedthemlife——butislifeaboon？Tome，atanyrate，itwasamisfortune.Aftertheirshamefuldesertion，Iowedthemonlyvengeance.
　　Theycommittedagainstmethemostinhuman，themostinfamous，themostmonstrouscrimewhichcanbecommittedagainstahumancreature.
　　"Amanwhohasbeeninsulted，strikes;amanwhohasbeenrobbed，takesbackhisownbyforce.Amanwhohasbeendeceived，playedupon，tortured，kills;amanwhohasbeenslapped，kills;amanwhohasbeendishonored，kills.Ihavebeenrobbed，deceived，tortured，morallyslapped，dishonored，allthistoagreaterdegreethanthosewhoseangeryouexcuse.
　　"Irevengedmyself，Ikilled.Itwasmylegitimateright.Itooktheirhappylifeinexchangefortheterribleonewhichtheyhadforcedonme.
　　"Youwillcallmeparricide！Werethesepeoplemyparents，forwhomI
　　wasanabominableburden，aterror，aninfamousshame;forwhommybirthwasacalamityandmylifeathreatofdisgrace？Theysoughtaselfishpleasure;theygotanunexpectedchild.Theysuppressedthechild.Myturncametodothesameforthem.
　　"Andyet，uptoquiterecently，Iwasreadytolovethem.
　　"AsIhavesaid，thisman，myfather，cametomeforthefirsttimetwoyearsago.Isuspectednothing.Heorderedtwopiecesoffurniture.
　　Ifoundout，lateron，that，underthesealofsecrecy，naturally，hehadsoughtinformationfromthepriest.
　　"Hereturnedoften.Hegavemealotofworkandpaidmewell.
　　Sometimeshewouldeventalktomeofonethingoranother.Ifeltagrowingaffectionforhim.
　　"Atthebeginningofthisyearhebroughtwithhimhiswife，mymother.
　　WhensheenteredshewastremblingsothatIthoughthertobesufferingfromsomenervousdisease.Thensheaskedforaseatandaglassofwater.Shesaidnothing;shelookedaroundabstractedlyatmyworkandonlyanswered’yes’and’no，’atrandom，toallthequestionswhichheaskedher.WhenshehadleftIthoughtheralittleunbalanced.
　　"Thefollowingmonththeyreturned.Shewascalm，self—controlled.Thatdaytheychatteredforalongtime，andtheyleftmearatherlargeorder.Isawherthreemoretimes，withoutsuspectinganything.Butonedayshebegantotalktomeofmylife，ofmychildhood，ofmyparents.
　　Ianswered：’Madame，myparentswerewretcheswhodesertedme.’Thensheclutchedatherheartandfell，unconscious.Iimmediatelythought：’Sheismymother！’butItookcarenottolethernoticeanything.Iwishedtoobserveher.
　　"I，inturn，soughtoutinformationaboutthem.IlearnedthattheyhadbeenmarriedsincelastJuly，mymotherhavingbeenawidowforonlythreeyears.Therehadbeenrumorsthattheyhadlovedeachotherduringthelifetimeofthefirsthusband，buttherewasnoproofofit.Iwastheproof——theproofwhichtheyhadatfirsthiddenandthenhopedtodestroy.
　　"Iwaited.Shereturnedoneevening，escortedasusualbymyfather.
　　Thatdaysheseemeddeeplymoved，Idon’tknowwhy.Then，asshewasleaving，shesaidtome：’Iwishyousuccess，becauseyouseemtometobehonestandahardworker;somedayyouwillundoubtedlythinkofgettingmarried.Ihavecometohelpyoutochoosefreelythewomanwhomaysuityou.IwasmarriedagainstmyinclinationonceandIknowwhatsufferingitcauses.NowIamrich，childless，free，mistressofmyfortune.Hereisyourdowry.’
　　"Sheheldouttomealarge，sealedenvelope.
　　"Ilookedherstraightintheeyesandthensaid：’Areyoumymother？’
　　"Shedrewbackafewstepsandhidherfaceinherhandssoasnottoseeme.He，theman，myfather，supportedherinhisarmsandcriedouttome：’Youmustbecrazy！’
　　"Ianswered：’Notintheleast.Iknowthatyouaremyparents.I
　　cannotbethusdeceived.AdmititandIwillkeepthesecret;Iwillbearyounoillwill;IwillremainwhatIam，acarpenter.’
　　"Heretreatedtowardsthedoor，stillsupportinghiswifewhowasbeginningtosob.QuicklyIlockedthedoor，putthekeyinmypocketandcontinued：’Lookatheranddaretodenythatsheismymother.’
　　"Thenheflewintoapassion，verypale，terrifiedatthethoughtthatthescandal，whichhadsofarbeenavoided，mightsuddenlybreakout;
　　thattheirposition，theirgoodname，theirhonormightallatoncebelost.Hestammeredout：’Youarearascal，youwishtogetmoneyfromus！That’sthethankswegetfortryingtohelpsuchcommonpeople！’
　　"Mymother，bewildered，keptrepeating：’Let’sgetoutofhere，let’sgetout！’
　　"Then，whenhefoundthedoorlocked，heexclaimed：’Ifyoudonotopenthisdoorimmediately，Iwillhaveyouthrownintoprisonforblackmailandassault！’
　　"Ihadremainedcalm;Iopenedthedoorandsawthemdisappearinthedarkness.
　　"ThenIseemedtohavebeensuddenlyorphaned，deserted，pushedtothewall.Iwasseizedwithanoverwhelmingsadness，mingledwithanger，hatred，disgust;mywholebeingseemedtoriseupinrevoltagainsttheinjustice，themeanness，thedishonor，therejectedlove.Ibegantorun，inordertoovertakethemalongtheSeine，whichtheyhadtofollowinordertoreachthestationofChaton.
　　"Isooncaughtupwiththem.Itwasnowpitchdark.Iwascreepingupbehindthemsoftly，thattheymightnothearme.Mymotherwasstillcrying.Myfatherwassaying：’It’sallyourownfault.Whydidyouwishtoseehim？Itwasabsurdinourposition.Wecouldhavehelpedhimfromafar，withoutshowingourselves.Ofwhatusearethesedangerousvisits，sincewecan’trecognizehim？’
　　"ThenIrusheduptothem，beseeching.Icried：
　　’Yousee！Youaremyparents.Youhavealreadyrejectedmeonce;wouldyourepulsemeagain？’
　　"Then，yourhonor，hestruckme.Iswearitonmyhonor，beforethelawandmycountry.Hestruckme，andasIseizedhimbythecollar，hedrewfromhispocketarevolver.
　　"Thebloodrushedtomyhead，InolongerknewwhatIwasdoing，Ihadmycompassinmypocket;IstruckhimwithitasoftenasIcould.
　　"Thenshebegantocry：’Help！murder！’andtopullmybeard.ItseemsthatIkilledheralso.HowdoIknowwhatIdidthen？
　　"Then，whenIsawthembothlyingontheground，withoutthinking，I
　　threwthemintotheSeine.
　　"That’sall.Nowsentenceme."
　　Theprisonersatdown.Afterthisrevelationthecasewascarriedovertothefollowingsession.Itcomesupverysoon.Ifwewerejurymen，whatwouldwedowiththisparricide？
　　BERTHA
　　Dr.Bonnet，myoldfriend——onesometimeshasfriendsolderthanone’sself——hadofteninvitedmetospendsometimewithhimatRiom，and，asI
　　didnotknowAuvergne，Imadeupmymindtovisithiminthesummerof1876.
　　Iarrivedbythemorningtrain，andthefirstpersonIsawontheplatformwasthedoctor.Hewasdressedinagraysuit，andworeasoft，black，wide—brimmed，high—crownedfelthat，narrowatthetoplikeachimneypot，ahatwhichhardlyanyoneexceptanAuvergnatwouldwear，andwhichremindedoneofacharcoalburner.Dressedlikethat，thedoctorhadtheappearanceofanoldyoungman，withhissparebodyunderhisthincoat，andhislargeheadcoveredwithwhitehair.
　　Heembracedmewiththatevidentpleasurewhichcountrypeoplefeelwhentheymeetlong—expectedfriends，and，stretchingouthisarm，hesaidproudly：
　　"ThisisAuvergne！"Isawnothingbeforemeexceptarangeofmountains，whosesummits，whichresembledtruncatedcones，musthavebeenextinctvolcanoes.
　　Then，pointingtothenameofthestation，hesaid：
　　"Riom，thefatherlandofmagistrates，theprideofthemagistracy，andwhichoughtrathertobethefatherlandofdoctors."
　　"Why？"I，asked.
　　"Why？"herepliedwithalaugh."Ifyoutransposetheletters，youhavetheLatinword’mori’，todie.ThatisthereasonwhyIsettledhere，myyoungfriend."
　　And，delightedathisownjoke，hecarriedmeoff，rubbinghishands.
　　AssoonasIhadswallowedacupofcoffee，hemademegoandseethetown.Iadmiredthedruggist’shouse，andtheothernotedhouses，whichwereallblack，butasprettyasbric—a—brac，withtheirfacadesofsculpturedstone.IadmiredthestatueoftheVirgin，thepatronessofbutchers，andhetoldmeanamusingstoryaboutthis，whichIwillrelatesomeothertime，andthenDr.Bonnetsaidtome：
　　"ImustbegyoutoexcusemeforafewminuteswhileIgoandseeapatient，andthenIwilltakeyoutoChatel—Guyon，soastoshowyouthegeneralaspectofthetown，andallthemountainchainofthePuy—de—Domebeforelunch.Youcanwaitformeoutside;Ishallonlygoupstairsandcomedownimmediately."
　　Heleftmeoutsideoneofthoseold，gloomy，silent，melancholyhouses，whichoneseesintheprovinces，andthisoneappearedtolookparticularlysinister，andIsoondiscoveredthereason.Allthelargewindowsonthefirstfloorwereboardedhalfwayup.Theupperpartofthemalonecouldbeopened，asifonehadwishedtopreventthepeoplewhowerelockedupinthathugestoneboxfromlookingintothestreet.
　　Whenthedoctorcamedownagain，Itoldhimhowitstruckme，andhereplied：
　　"Youarequiteright;thepoorcreaturewhoislivingtheremustneverseewhatisgoingonoutside.Sheisamadwoman，orratheranidiot，whatyouNormanswouldcallaNiente.Itisamiserablestory，butaverysingularpathologicalcaseatthesametime.ShallItellyou？"
　　Ibeggedhimtodoso，andhecontinued：
　　"Twentyyearsagotheownersofthishouse，whoweremypatients，hadadaughterwhowaslikeallothergirls，butIsoondiscoveredthatwhileherbodybecameadmirablydeveloped，herintellectremainedstationary.
　　"Shebegantowalkveryearly，butshecouldnottalk.AtfirstI
　　thoughtshewasdeaf，butIsoondiscoveredthat，althoughsheheardperfectly，shedidnotunderstandanythingthatwassaidtoher.Violentnoisesmadeherstartandfrightenedher，withoutherunderstandinghowtheywerecaused.
　　"Shegrewupintoasuperbwoman，butshewasdumb，fromanabsolutewantofintellect.Itriedallmeanstointroduceagleamofintelligenceintoherbrain，butnothingsucceeded.IthoughtInoticedthatsheknewhernurse，thoughassoonasshewasweaned，shefailedtorecognizehermother.Shecouldneverpronouncethatwordwhichisthefirstthatchildrenutterandthelastwhichsoldiersmurmurwhentheyaredyingonthefieldofbattle.Shesometimestriedtotalk，butsheproducednothingbutincoherentsounds.
　　"Whentheweatherwasfine，shelaughedcontinually，andemittedlowcrieswhichmightbecomparedtothetwitteringofbirds;whenitrainedshecriedandmoanedinamournful，terrifyingmanner，whichsoundedlikethehowlingofadogbeforeadeathoccursinahouse.
　　"Shewasfondofrollingonthegrass，asyounganimalsdo，andofrunningaboutmadly，andshewouldclapherhandseverymorning，whenthesunshoneintoherroom，andwouldinsist，bysigns，onbeingdressedasquicklyaspossible，sothatshemightgetout.
　　"Shedidnotappeartodistinguishbetweenpeople，betweenhermotherandhernurse，orbetweenherfatherandme，orbetweenthecoachmanandthecook.Iparticularlylikedherparents，whowereveryunhappyonheraccount，andwenttoseethemnearlyeveryday.Idinedwiththemquitefrequently，whichenabledmetoremarkthatBertha（theyhadcalledherBertha）seemedtorecognizethevariousdishes，andtoprefersometoothers.Atthattimeshewastwelveyearsold，butasfullyformedinfigureasagirlofeighteen，andtallerthanIwas.Thentheideastruckmeofdevelopinghergreediness，andbythismeansofcultivatingsomeslightpowerofdiscriminationinhermind，andtoforceher，bythediversityofflavors，ifnottoreason，atanyratetoarriveatinstinctivedistinctions，whichwouldofthemselvesconstituteakindofprocessthatwasnecessarytothought.Lateron，byappealingtoherpassions，andbycarefullymakinguseofthosewhichcouldserveourpurpose，wemighthopetoobtainakindofreactiononherintellect，andbydegreesincreasetheunconsciousactionofherbrain.
　　"OnedayIputtwoplatesbeforeher，oneofsoup，andtheotherofverysweetvanillacream.Imadehertasteeachofthemsuccessively，andthenIletherchooseforherself，andsheatetheplateofcream.InashorttimeImadeherverygreedy，sogreedythatitappearedasiftheonlyideashehadinherheadwasthedesireforeating.Sheperfectlyrecognizedthevariousdishes，andstretchedoutherhandstowardthosethatsheliked，andtookholdofthemeagerly，andsheusedtocrywhentheyweretakenfromher.ThenIthoughtIwouldtryandteachhertocometothedining—roomwhenthedinnerbellrang.
　　Ittookalongtime，butIsucceededintheend.Inhervacantintellectavaguecorrelationwasestablishedbetweensoundandtaste，acorrespondencebetweenthetwosenses，anappealfromonetotheother，andconsequentlyasortofconnectionofideas——ifonecancallthatkindofinstinctivehyphenbetweentwoorganicfunctionsanidea——andsoI
　　carriedmyexperimentsfurther，andtaughther，withmuchdifficulty，torecognizemealtimesbytheclock.
　　"Itwasimpossibleformeforalongtimetoattractherattentiontothehands，butIsucceededinmakingherremarktheclockworkandthestrikingapparatus.ThemeansIemployedwereverysimple;Iaskedthemnottohavethebellrungforlunch，andeverybodygotupandwentintothedining—roomwhenthelittlebrasshammerstrucktwelveo’clock，butI
　　foundgreatdifficultyinmakingherlearntocountthestrokes.Sherantothedooreachtimesheheardtheclockstrike，butbydegreesshelearnedthatallthestrokeshadnotthesamevalueasfarasregardedmeals，andshefrequentlyfixedhereyes，guidedbyherears，onthedialoftheclock.
　　"WhenInoticedthat，Itookcareeverydayattwelve，andatsixo’clock，toplacemyfingersonthefigurestwelveandsix，assoonasthemomentshewaswaitingforhadarrived，andIsoonnoticedthatsheattentivelyfollowedthemotionofthesmallbrasshands，whichIhadoftenturnedinherpresence.
　　"Shehadunderstood！PerhapsIoughtrathertosaythatshehadgraspedtheidea.Ihadsucceededingettingtheknowledge，or，rather，thesensation，ofthetimeintoher，justasisthecasewithcarp，whocertainlyhavenoclocks，whentheyarefedeverydayexactlyatthesametime.
　　"WhenonceIhadobtainedthatresultalltheclocksandwatchesinthehouseoccupiedherattentionalmostexclusively.Shespenthertimeinlookingatthem，listeningtothem，andinwaitingformealtime，andoncesomethingveryfunnyhappened.ThestrikingapparatusofaprettylittleLouisXVIclockthathungattheheadofherbedhavinggotoutoforder，shenoticedit.Shesatfortwentyminuteswithhereyesonthehands，waitingforittostriketen，butwhenthehandspassedthefigureshewasastonishedatnothearinganything;sostupefiedwasshe，indeed，thatshesatdown，nodoubtoverwhelmedbyafeelingofviolentemotionsuchasattacksusinthefaceofsometerriblecatastrophe.Andshehadthewonderfulpatiencetowaituntileleveno’clockinordertoseewhatwouldhappen，andasshenaturallyheardnothing，shewassuddenlyeitherseizedwithawildfitofrageathavingbeendeceivedandimposeduponbyappearances，orelseovercomebythatfearwhichsomefrightenedcreaturefeelsatsometerriblemystery，andbythefuriousimpatienceofapassionateindividualwhomeetswithsomeobstacle;shetookupthetongsfromthefireplaceandstrucktheclocksoviolentlythatshebrokeittopiecesinamoment.
　　"Itwasevident，therefore，thather，braindidactandcalculate，obscurelyitistrue，andwithinveryrestrictedlimits，forIcouldneversucceedinmakingherdistinguishpersonsasshedistinguishedthetime;andtostirherintellect，itwasnecessarytoappealtoherpassions，inthematerialsenseoftheword，andwesoonhadanother，andalas！averyterribleproofofthis！
　　"Shehadgrownupintoasplendidgirl，aperfecttypeofarace，asortoflovelyandstupidVenus.Shewassixteen，andIhaverarelyseensuchperfectionofform，suchsupplenessandsuchregularfeatures.IsaidshewasaVenus;yes，afair，stout，vigorousVenus，withlarge，bright，vacanteyes，whichwereasblueastheflowersoftheflaxplant;shehadalargemouthwithfulllips，themouthofaglutton，ofasensualist，amouthmadeforkisses.Well，onemorningherfathercameintomyconsultingroomwithastrangelookonhisface，and，sittingdownwithoutevenreplyingtomygreeting，hesaid：
　　"’Iwanttospeaktoyouaboutaveryseriousmatter.Woulditbepossible——woulditbepossibleforBerthatomarry？’
　　"’Berthatomarry！Why，itisquiteimpossible！’
　　"’Yes，Iknow，Iknow，’hereplied.’Butreflect，doctor.Don’tyouthink——perhaps——wehoped——ifshehadchildren——itwouldbeagreatshocktoher，butagreathappiness，and——whoknowswhethermaternitymightnotrouseherintellect？’
　　"Iwasinastateofgreatperplexity.Hewasright，anditwaspossiblethatsuchanewsituation，andthatwonderfulinstinctofmaternity，whichbeatsintheheartsoftheloweranimalsasitdoesintheheartofawoman，whichmakesthehenflyatadog’sjawstodefendherchickens，mightbringaboutarevolution，anutterchangeinhervacantmind，andsetthemotionlessmechanismofherthoughtsinmotion.Andthen，moreover，Iimmediatelyrememberedapersonalinstance.SomeyearspreviouslyIhadownedaspanielbitchwhowassostupidthatIcoulddonothingwithher，butwhenshehadhadpuppiesshebecame，ifnotexactlyintelligent，yetalmostlikemanyotherdogswhohadnotbeenthoroughlybroken.
　　"AssoonasIforesawthepossibilityofthis，thewishtogetBerthamarriedgrewinme，notsomuchoutoffriendshipforherandherpoorparentsasfromscientificcuriosity.Whatwouldhappen？Itwasasingularproblem.Isaidinreplytoherfather：
　　"’Perhapsyouareright.Youmightmaketheattempt，butyouwillneverfindamantoconsenttomarryher.’
　　"’Ihavefoundsomebody，’hesaid，inalowvoice.
　　"Iwasdumfounded，andsaid：’Somebodyreallysuitable？Someoneofyourownrankandpositioninsociety？’
　　"’Decidedly，’hereplied.
　　"’Oh！AndmayIaskhisname？’
　　"’Icameonpurposetotellyou，andtoconsultyou.ItisMonsieurGastonduBoysdeLucelles.’
　　"Ifeltinclinedtoexclaim：’Thewretch！’butIheldmytongue，andafterafewmoments’silenceIsaid：
　　"’Oh！Verygood.Iseenothingagainstit.’
　　"Thepoormanshookmeheartilybythehand.
　　"’Sheistobemarriednextmonth，’hesaid.
　　"MonsieurGastonduBoysdeLucelleswasascapegraceofgoodfamily，who，afterhavingspentallthathehadinheritedfromhisfather，andhavingincurreddebtsinallkindsofdoubtfulways，hadbeentryingtodiscoversomeothermeansofobtainingmoney，andhehaddiscoveredthismethod.Hewasagood—lookingyoungfellow，andincapitalhealth，butfast;oneofthatodiousraceofprovincialfastmen，andheappearedtometobeassuitableasanyone，andcouldbegotridoflaterbymakinghimanallowance.Hecametothehousetopayhisaddressesandtostrutaboutbeforetheidiotgirl，who，however，seemedtopleasehim.Hebroughtherflowers，kissedherhands，satatherfeet，andlookedatherwithaffectionateeyes;butshetooknonoticeofanyofhisattentions，anddidnotmakeanydistinctionbetweenhimandtheotherpersonswhowereabouther.
　　"However，themarriagetookplace，andyoumayguesshowmycuriositywasaroused.IwenttoseeBerthathenextdaytotryanddiscoverfromherlookswhetheranyfeelingshadbeenawakenedinher，butIfoundherjustthesameasshewaseveryday，whollytakenupwiththeclockanddinner，whilehe，onthecontrary，appearedreallyinlove，andtriedtorousehiswife’sspiritsandaffectionbylittleendearmentsandsuchcaressesasonebestowsonakitten.Hecouldthinkofnothingbetter.
　　"Icalleduponthemarriedcoupleprettyfrequently，andIsoonperceivedthattheyoungwomanknewherhusband，andgavehimthoseeagerlookswhichshehadhithertoonlybestowedonsweetdishes.
　　"Shefollowedhismovements，knewhissteponthestairsorintheneighboringrooms，clappedherhandswhenhecamein，andherfacewaschangedandbrightenedbytheflamesofprofoundhappinessandofdesire.
　　"Shelovedhimwithherwholebodyandwithallhersoultotheverydepthsofherpoor，weaksoul，andwithallherheart，thatpoorheartofsomegratefulanimal.Itwasreallyadelightfulandinnocentpictureofsimplepassion，ofcarnalandyetmodestpassion，suchasnaturehadimplantedinmankind，beforemanhadcomplicatedanddisfigureditbyallthevariousshadesofsentiment.Buthesoongrewtiredofthisardent，beautiful，dumbcreature，anddidnotspendmorethananhourduringthedaywithher，thinkingitsufficientifhecamehomeatnight，andshebegantosufferinconsequence.Sheusedtowaitforhimfrommorningtillnightwithhereyesontheclock;shedidnotevenlookafterthemealsnow，forhetookallhisawayfromhome，Clermont，Chatel—Guyon，Royat，nomatterwhere，aslongashewasnotobligedtocomehome.
　　"Shebegantogrowthin;everyotherthought，everyotherwish，everyotherexpectation，andeveryconfusedhopedisappearedfromhermind，andthehoursduringwhichshedidnotseehimbecamehoursofterriblesufferingtoher.Soonheceasedtocomehomeregularlyofnights;hespentthemwithwomenatthecasinoatRoyatanddidnotcomehomeuntildaybreak.Butsheneverwenttobedbeforehereturned.Sheremainedsittingmotionlessinaneasy—chair，withhereyesfixedonthehandsoftheclock，whichturnedsoslowlyandregularlyroundthechinafaceonwhichthehourswerepainted.
　　"Sheheardthetrotofhishorseinthedistanceandsatupwithastart，andwhenhecameintotheroomshegotupwiththemovementsofanautomatonandpointedtotheclock，asiftosay：’Lookhowlateitis！’
　　"Andhebegantobeafraidofthisamorousandjealous，half—wittedwoman，andflewintoarage，asbrutesdo;andonenightheevenwentsofarastostrikeher，sotheysentforme.WhenIarrivedshewaswrithingandscreaminginaterriblecrisisofpain，anger，passion，howdoIknowwhat？Canonetellwhatgoesoninsuchundevelopedbrains？
　　"Icalmedherbysubcutaneousinjectionsofmorphine，andforbadehertoseethatmanagain，forIsawclearlythatmarriagewouldinfalliblykillherbydegrees.
　　"Thenshewentmad！Yes，mydearfriend，thatidiotwentmad.Sheisalwaysthinkingofhimandwaitingforhim;shewaitsforhimalldayandnight，awakeorasleep，atthisverymoment，ceaselessly.WhenIsawhergettingthinnerandthinner，andasshepersistedinnevertakinghereyesofftheclocks，Ihadthemremovedfromthehouse.Ithusmadeitimpossibleforhertocountthehours，andtotrytoremember，fromherindistinctreminiscences，atwhattimeheusedtocomehomeformerly.I
　　hopetodestroytherecollectionofitintime，andtoextinguishthatrayofthoughtwhichIkindledwithsomuchdifficulty.
　　"TheotherdayItriedanexperiment.Iofferedhermywatch;shetookitandlookedatitforsometime;thenshebegantoscreamterribly，asifthesightofthatlittleobjecthadsuddenlyawakenedhermemory，whichwasbeginningtogrowindistinct.Sheispitiablythinnow，withhollowandglitteringeyes，andshewalksupanddownceaselessly，likeawildbeastinitscage;Ihavehadgratingsputonthewindows，boardedthemuphalfway，andhavehadtheseatsfixedtothefloorsoastopreventherfromlookingtoseewhetherheiscoming.
　　"Oh！herpoorparents！Whatalifetheymustlead！"
　　Wehadgottothetopofthehill，andthedoctorturnedroundandsaidtome：
　　"LookatRiomfromhere."
　　Thegloomytownlookedlikesomeancientcity.Behinditagreen，woodedplainstuddedwithtownsandvillages，andbathedinasoftbluehaze，extendeduntilitwaslostinthedistance.Faraway，onmyright，therewasarangeofloftymountainswithroundsummits，orelsecutoffflat，asifwithasword，andthedoctorbegantoenumeratethevillages，townsandhills，andtogivemethehistoryofallofthem.ButIdidnotlistentohim;Iwasthinkingofnothingbutthemadwoman，andIonlysawher.Sheseemedtobehoveringoverthatvastextentofcountrylikeamournfulghost，andIaskedhimabruptly：
　　"Whathasbecomeofthehusband？"
　　Myfriendseemedrathersurprised，butafterafewmoments’hesitation，hereplied：
　　"HeislivingatRoyat，onanallowancethattheymadehim，andisquitehappy;heleadsaveryfastlife."
　　Aswewereslowlygoingback，bothofussilentandratherlow—spirited，anEnglishdogcart，drawnbyathoroughbredhorse，cameupbehindusandpassedusrapidly.Thedoctortookmebythearm.
　　"Thereheis，"hesaid.
　　Isawnothingexceptagrayfelthat，cockedoveroneearaboveapairofbroadshoulders，drivingoffinacloudofdust.
　　THEPATRON
　　Weneverdreamedofsuchgoodfortune！Thesonofaprovincialbailiff，JeanMarinhadcome，asdosomanyothers，tostudylawintheQuartierLatin.Inthevariousbeer—housesthathehadfrequentedhehadmadefriendswithseveraltalkativestudentswhospoutedpoliticsastheydranktheirbeer.Hehadagreatadmirationforthemandfollowedthempersistentlyfromcafetocafe，evenpayingfortheirdrinkswhenhehadthemoney.
　　Hebecamealawyerandpleadedcauses，whichhelost.However，onemorninghereadinthepapersthatoneofhisformercomradesoftheQuartierhadjustbeenappointeddeputy.
　　Heagainbecamehisfaithfulhound，thefriendwhodoesthedrudgery，theunpleasanttasks，forwhomonesendswhenonehasneedofhimandwithwhomonedoesnotstandonceremony.Butitchancedthroughsomeparliamentaryincidentthatthedeputybecameaminister.SixmonthslaterJeanMarinwasappointedastatecouncillor.
　　Hewassoelatedwithprideatfirstthathelosthishead.Hewouldwalkthroughthestreetsjusttoshowhimselfoff，asthoughonecouldtellbyhisappearancewhatpositionheoccupied.Hemanagedtosaytotheshopkeepersassoonasheenteredastore，bringingitinsomehowinthecourseofthemostinsignificantremarksandeventothenewsvendorsandthecabmen：
　　"I，whoamastatecouncillor——"
　　Then，inconsequenceofhispositionaswellasforprofessionalreasonsandasindutyboundthroughbeinganinfluentialandgenerousman，hefeltanimperiousneedofpatronizingothers.Heofferedhissupporttoeveryoneonalloccasionsandwithunboundedgenerosity.
　　Whenhemetanyoneherecognizedontheboulevardshewouldadvancetomeetthemwithacharmedair，wouldtaketheirhand，inquireaftertheirhealth，and，withoutwaitingforanyquestions，remark：
　　"YouknowIamstatecouncillor，andIamentirelyatyourservice.IfI
　　canbeofanyusetoyou，donothesitatetocallonme.Inmypositiononehasgreatinfluence."
　　Thenhewouldgointosomecafewiththefriendhehadjustmetandaskforapenandinkandasheetofpaper."Justone，waiter;itistowritealetterofrecommendation."
　　Andhewroteten，twenty，fiftylettersofrecommendationaday.HewrotethemtotheCafeAmericain，toBignon’s，toTortoni’s，totheMaisonDoree，totheCafeRiche，totheHelder，totheCafeAnglais，totheNapolitain，everywhere，everywhere.Hewrotethemtoalltheofficialsoftherepublicangovernment，fromthemagistratestotheministers.Andhewashappy，perfectlyhappy.
　　Onemorningashewasstartingouttogotothecouncilitbegantorain.
　　Hehesitatedabouttakingacab，butdecidednottodosoandsetoutonfoot.
　　Theraincamedownintorrents，swampingthesidewalksandinundatingthestreets.M.Marinwasobligedtotakeshelterinadoorway.Anoldpriestwasstandingthere——anoldpriestwithwhitehair.BeforehebecameacouncillorM.Marindidnotliketheclergy.Nowhetreatedthemwithconsideration，eversinceacardinalhadconsultedhimonanimportantmatter.Theraincontinuedtopourdowninfloodsandobligedthetwomentotakeshelterintheporter’slodgesoastoavoidgettingwet.M.Marin，whowasalwaysitchingtotalksoastoletpeopleknowwhohewas，remarked：
　　"Thisishorribleweather，Monsieurl’Abbe."
　　Theoldpriestbowed：
　　"Yesindeed，sir，itisveryunpleasantwhenonecomestoParisforonlyafewdays."
　　"Ah！Youcomefromtheprovinces？"
　　"Yes，monsieur.Iamonlypassingthroughonmyjourney."
　　"Itcertainlyisverydisagreeabletohaverainduringthefewdaysonespendsinthecapital.Weofficialswhostayheretheyearround，wethinknothingofit."
　　Thepriestdidnotreply.Hewaslookingatthestreetwheretherainseemedtobefallinglessheavily.Andwithasuddenresolveheraisedhiscassockjustaswomenraisetheirskirtsinsteppingacrosswater.
　　M.Marin，seeinghimstartaway，exclaimed：
　　"Youwillgetdrenched，Monsieurl’Abbe.Waitafewmomentslonger;therainwillbeover."
　　Thegoodmanstoppedirresistiblyandthensaid：
　　"ButIaminagreathurry.Ihaveanimportantengagement."
　　M.Marinseemedquiteworried.
　　"Butyouwillbeabsolutelydrenched.MightIaskinwhichdirectionyouaregoing？"
　　Thepriestappearedtohesitate.Thenhesaid：
　　"IamgoinginthedirectionofthePalaisRoyal."
　　"Inthatcase，ifyouwillallowme，Monsieurl’Abbe，Iwillofferyoutheshelterofmyumbrella：Asforme，Iamgoingtothecouncil.Iamacouncillorofstate."
　　Theoldpriestraisedhisheadandlookedathisneighborandthenexclaimed：
　　"Ithankyou，monsieur.Ishallbegladtoacceptyouroffer."
　　M.Marinthentookhisarmandledhimaway.Hedirectedhim，watchedoverhimandadvisedhim.
　　"Becarefulofthatstream，Monsieur1’Abbe.Andbeverycarefulaboutthecarriagewheels;theyspatteryouwithmudsometimesfromheadtofoot.Lookoutfortheumbrellasofthepeoplepassingby;thereisnothingmoredangeroustotheeyesthanthetipsoftheribs.Womenespeciallyareunbearable;theypaynoheedtowheretheyaregoingandalwaysjabyouinthefacewiththepointoftheirparasolsorumbrellas.
　　Andtheynevermoveasideforanybody.Onewouldsupposethetownbelongedtothem.Theymonopolizethepavementandthestreet.Itismyopinionthattheireducationhasbeengreatlyneglected."
　　AndM.Marinlaughed.
　　Thepriestdidnotreply.Hewalkedalong，slightlybentover，pickinghisstepscarefullysoasnottogetmudonhisbootsorhiscassock.
　　M.Marinresumed：
　　"IsupposeyouhavecometoParistodivertyourmindalittle？"
　　Thegoodmanreplied：
　　"No，Ihavesomebusinesstoattendto."
　　"Ali！Isitimportantbusiness？MightIventuretoaskwhatitis？IfIcanbeofanyservicetoyou，youmaycommandme."
　　Thepriestseemedembarrassed.Hemurmured：
　　"Oh，itisalittlepersonalmatter;alittledifficultywith——withmybishop.Itwouldnotinterestyou.Itisamatterofinternalregulation——anecclesiasticalaffair."
　　M.Marinwaseager.
　　"Butitispreciselythestatecouncilthatregulatesallthosethings.
　　Inthatcase，makeuseofme."
　　"Yes，monsieur，itistothecouncilthatIamgoing.Youareathousandtimestookind.IhavetoseeM.LerepereandM.SavonandalsoperhapsM.Petitpas."
　　M.Marinstoppedshort.
　　"Why，thosearemyfriends，Monsieurl’Abbe，mybestfriends，excellentcolleagues，charmingmen.Iwillspeaktothemaboutyou，andveryhighly.Countuponme."
　　Thecurethankedhim，apologizingfortroublinghim，andstammeredoutathousandgratefulpromises.
　　M.Marinwasenchanted.
　　"Ah，youmaybeproudofhavingmadeastrokeofluck，Monsieurl’Abbe.
　　Youwillsee——youwillseethat，thankstome，youraffairwillgoalongswimmingly."
　　Theyreachedthecouncilhall.M.Marintookthepriestintohisoffice，offeredhimachairinfrontofthefireandsatdownhimselfathisdeskandbegantowrite.
　　"Mydearcolleague，allowmetorecommendtoyoumosthighlyavenerableandparticularlyworthyanddeservingpriest，M.L’Abbe————"
　　Hestoppedandasked：
　　"Yourname，ifyouplease？"
　　"L’AbbeCeinture."
　　"M.l’AbbeCeinture，whoneedsyourgoodofficeinalittlematterwhichhewillcommunicatetoyou.
　　"Iampleasedatthisincidentwhichgivesmeanopportunity，mydearcolleague————"
　　Andhefinishedwiththeusualcompliments.
　　Whenhehadwrittenthethreelettershehandedthemtohisprotege，whotookhisdeparturewithmanyprotestationsofgratitude.
　　M.Marinattendedtosomebusinessandthenwenthome，passedthedayquietly，sleptwell，wokeinagoodhumorandsentforhisnewspapers.
　　Thefirstheopenedwasaradicalsheet.Heread：
　　"OURCLERGYANDOURGOVERNMENTOFFICIALS
　　"Weshallnevermakeanendofenumeratingthemisdeedsoftheclergy.
　　Acertainpriest，namedCeinture，convictedofconspiracyagainstthepresentgovernment，accusedofbaseactionstowhichwewillnotevenallude，suspectedbesidesofbeingaformerJesuit，metamorphosedintoasimplepriest，suspendedbyabishopforcausesthataresaidtobeunmentionableandsummonedtoParistogiveanexplanationofhisconduct，hasfoundanardentdefenderinthemannamedMarin，acouncillorofstate，whowasnotafraidtogivethisfrockedmalefactorthewarmestlettersofrecommendationtoalltherepublicanofficials，hiscolleagues.
　　"Wecallthe，attentionoftheministrytotheunheardofattitudeofthiscouncillorofstate————"
　　M.Marinboundedoutofbed，dressedhimselfandhastenedtohiscolleague，Petitpas，whosaidtohim：
　　"Hownow？Youwerecrazytorecommendtomethatoldconspirator！"
　　M.Marin，bewildered，stammeredout：
　　"Whyno——yousee——Iwasdeceived.Helookedsuchanhonestman.Heplayedmeatrick——adisgracefultrick！Ibegthatyouwillsentencehimseverely，veryseverely.Iamgoingtowrite.TellmetowhomIshouldwriteabouthavinghimpunished.Iwillgoandseetheattorney—generalandthearchbishopofParis——yes，thearchbishop."
　　AndseatinghimselfabruptlyatM.Petitpas’desk，hewrote：
　　"Monseigneur，Ihavethehonortobringtoyourgrace’snoticethefactthatIhaverecentlybeenmadeavictimoftheintriguesandliesofacertainAbbeCeinture，whoimposedonmykind—heartedness.
　　"Deceivedbytherepresentationsofthisecclesiastic，Iwasled————"
　　Then，havingsignedandsealedhisletter，heturnedtohiscolleagueandexclaimed：
　　"Seehere;mydearfriend，letthisbeawarningtoyounevertorecommendanyoneagain."
　　THEDOOR
　　"Bah！"exclaimedKarlMassouligny，"thequestionofcomplaisanthusbandsisadifficultone.Ihaveseenmanykinds，andyetIamunabletogiveanopinionaboutanyofthem.Ihaveoftentriedtodeterminewhethertheyareblind，weakorclairvoyant.Ibelievethattherearesomewhichbelongtoeachofthesecategories.
　　"Letusquicklypassovertheblindones.Theycannotrightlybecalledcomplaisant，sincetheydonotknow，buttheyaregoodcreatureswhocannotseefartherthantheirnose.Itisacuriousandinterestingthingtonoticetheeasewithwhichmenandwomencan，bedeceived.
　　Wearetakeninbytheslightesttrickofthosewhosurroundus，byourchildren，ourfriends，ourservants，ourtradespeople.Humanityiscredulous，andinordertodiscoverdeceitinothers，wedonotdisplayone—tenththeshrewdnesswhichweusewhenwe，inturn，wishtodeceivesomeoneelse.
　　"Clairvoyanthusbandsmaybedividedintothreeclasses：Thosewhohavesomeinterest，pecuniary，ambitiousorotherwise，intheirwife’shavingloveaffairs.Theseaskonlytosafeguardappearancesasmuchaspossible，andtheyaresatisfied.
　　"Nextcomethosewhogetangry.Whatabeautifulnovelonecouldwriteaboutthem！
　　"Finallytheweakones！Thosewhoareafraidofscandal.
　　"Therearealsothosewhoarepowerless，or，rather，tired，whofleefromthedutiesofmatrimonythroughfearofataxiaorapoplexy，whoaresatisfiedtoseeafriendruntheserisks.
　　"ButIoncemetahusbandofararespecies，whoguardedagainstthecommonaccidentinastrangeandwittymanner.
　　"InParisIhadmadetheacquaintanceofanelegant，fashionablecouple.
　　Thewoman，nervous，tall，slender，courted，wassupposedtohavehadmanyloveadventures.Shepleasedmewithherwit，andIbelievethatI
　　pleasedheralso.Icourtedher，atrialcourtingtowhichsheansweredwithevidentprovocations.Soonwegottotenderglances，handpressures，allthelittlegallantrieswhichprecedethefinalattack.
　　"Nevertheless，Ihesitated.Iconsiderthat，asarule，themajorityofsocietyintrigues，howevershorttheymaybe，arenotworththetroublewhichtheygiveusandthedifficultieswhichmayarise.IthereforementallycomparedtheadvantagesanddisadvantageswhichImightexpect，andIthoughtInoticedthatthehusbandsuspectedme.
　　"Oneevening，ataball，asIwassayingtenderthingstotheyoungwomaninalittleparlorleadingfromthebighallwherethedancingwasgoingon，Inoticedinamirrorthereflectionofsomeonewhowaswatchingme.
　　Itwashe.OurlooksmetandthenIsawhimturnhisheadandwalkaway.
　　"Imurmured：’Yourhusbandisspyingonus.’
　　"Sheseemeddumbfoundedandasked：’Myhusband？’
　　"’Yes，hehasbeenwatchingusforsometime：
　　"’Nonsense！Areyousure？’
　　"’Verysure.’
　　"’Howstrange！Heisusuallyextraordinarilypleasanttoallmy.
　　friends.’
　　"’PerhapsheguessedthatIloveyou！’
　　"’Nonsense！Youarenotthefirstonetopayattentiontome.Everywomanwhoisalittleinviewdragsbehindheraherdofadmirers.’
　　"’Yes.ButIloveyoudeeply.’
　　"’Admittingthatthatistrue，doesahusbandeverguessthosethings？’
　　"’Thenheisnotjealous？’
　　"’No—no！’
　　"Shethoughtforaninstantandthencontinued：’No.IdonotthinkthatIevernoticedanyjealousyonhispart.’
　　"’Hashenever—watchedyou？’
　　"’No.AsIsaid，heisalwaysagreeabletomyfriends.’
　　"Fromthatdaymycourtingbecamemuchmoreassiduous.Thewomandidnotpleasemeanymorethanbefore，buttheprobablejealousyofherhusbandtemptedmegreatly.
　　"Asforher，Ijudgedhercoollyandclearly.Shehadacertainworldlycharm，duetoaquick，gay，amiableandsuperficialmind，butnoreal，deepattraction.Shewas，asIhavealreadysaid，anexcitablelittlebeing，allonthesurface，withratherashowyelegance.HowcanI
　　explainmyself？Shewasanornament，notahome.
　　"Oneday，aftertakingdinnerwithher，herhusbandsaidtome，justasI
　　wasleaving：’Mydearfriend’（henowcalledme’friend’），’wesoonleaveforthecountry.Itisagreatpleasuretomywifeandmyselftoentertainpeoplewhomwelike.Wewouldbeverypleasedtohaveyouspendamonthwithus.Itwouldbeveryniceofyoutodoso.’
　　"Iwasdumbfounded，butIaccepted.
　　"AmonthlaterIarrivedattheirestateofVertcresson，inTouraine.
　　Theywerewaitingformeatthestation，fivemilesfromthechateau.
　　Therewerethreeofthem，she，thehusbandandagentlemanunknowntome，theComtedeMorterade，towhomIwasintroduced.Heappearedtobedelightedtomakemyacquaintance，andthestrangestideaspassedthroughmymindwhilewetrottedalongthebeautifulroadbetweentwohedges.
　　Iwassayingtomyself：’Let’ssee，whatcanthismean？HereisahusbandwhocannotdoubtthathiswifeandIareonmorethanfriendlyterms，andyetheinvitesmetohishouse，receivesmelikeanoldfriendandseemstosay："Goahead，myfriend，theroadisclear！"
　　"’ThenIamintroducedtoaverypleasantgentleman，whoseemsalreadytohavesettleddowninthehouse，and——andwhoisperhapstryingtogetoutofit，andwhoseemsaspleasedatmyarrivalasthehusbandhimself.
　　"’Isitsomeformeradmirerwhowishestoretire？Onemightthinkso.
　　But，then，wouldthesetwomentacitlyhavecometooneoftheseinfamouslittleagreementssocommoninsociety？AnditisproposedtomethatI
　　shouldquietlyenterintothepactandcarryitout.Allhandsandarmsareheldouttome.Alldoorsandheartsareopentome.
　　"’Andwhatabouther？Anenigma.Shecannotbeignorantofeverything.
　　However——however————Well，Icannotunderstandit.’
　　"Thedinnerwasverygayandcordial.Onleavingthetablethehusbandandhisfriendbegantoplaycards，whileIwentoutontheporchtolookatthemoonlightwithmadame.Sheseemedtobegreatlyaffectedbynature，andIjudgedthatthemomentformyhappinesswasnear.Thateveningshewasreallydelightful.Thecountryhadseemedtomakehermoretender.Herlong，slenderwaistlookedprettyonthisstoneporchbesideagreatvaseinwhichgrewsomeflowers.Ifeltlikedraggingheroutunderthetrees，throwingmyselfatherfeetandspeakingtoherwordsoflove.
　　"Herhusband’svoicecalled’Louise！’
　　"’Yes，dear.’
　　"’Youareforgettingthetea.’
　　"’I’llgoandseeaboutit，myfriend.’
　　"Wereturnedtothehouse，andshegaveussometea.Whenthetwomenhadfinishedplayingcards，theywerevisiblytired.Ihadtogotomyroom.Ididnotgettosleeptilllate，andthenIsleptbadly.
　　"Anexcursionwasdecideduponforthefollowingafternoon，andwewentinanopencarriagetovisitsomeruins.SheandIwereinthebackofthevehicleandtheywereoppositeus，ridingbackward.Theconversationwassympatheticandagreeable.Iamanorphan，anditseemedtomeasthoughIhadjustfoundmyfamily，Ifeltsoathomewiththem.
　　"Suddenly，asshehadstretchedoutherfootbetweenherhusband’slegs，hemurmuredreproachfully：’Louise，pleasedon’twearoutyouroldshoesyourself.ThereisnoreasonforbeingneaterinParisthaninthecountry.’
　　"Iloweredmyeyes.Shewasindeedwearingworn—outshoes，andInoticedthatherstockingswerenotpulleduptight.
　　"Shehadblushedandhiddenherfootunderherdress.Thefriendwaslookingoutinthedistancewithanindifferentandunconcernedlook.
　　"Thehusbandofferedmeacigar，whichIaccepted.Forafewdaysitwasimpossibleformetobealonewithherfortwominutes;hewaswithuseverywhere.Hewasdelightfultome，however.
　　"Onemorninghecametogetmetotakeawalkbeforebreakfast，andtheconversationhappenedtoturnonmarriage.Ispokealittleaboutsolitudeandabouthowcharminglifecanbemadebytheaffectionofawoman.Suddenlyheinterruptedme，saying：’Myfriend，don’ttalkaboutthingsyouknownothingabout.Awomanwhohasnootherreasonforlovingyouwillnotloveyoulong.Allthelittlecoquetrieswhichmakethemsoexquisitewhentheydonotdefinitelybelongtousceaseassoonastheybecomeours.Andthen——therespectablewomen——thatistosayourwives——are——arenot——infactdonotunderstandtheirprofessionofwife.
　　Doyouunderstand？’
　　"Hesaidnomore，andIcouldnotguesshisthoughts.
　　"Twodaysafterthisconversationhecalledmetohisroomquiteearly，inordertoshowmeacollectionofengravings.Isatinaneasychairoppositethebigdoorwhichseparatedhisapartmentfromhiswife’s，andbehindthisdoorIheardsomeonewalkingandmoving，andIwasthinkingverylittleoftheengravings，althoughIkeptexclaiming：’Oh，charming！
　　delightful！exquisite！’
　　"Hesuddenlysaid：’Oh，Ihaveabeautifulspecimeninthenextroom.
　　I’llgoandgetit.’
　　"Herantothedoorquickly，andbothsidesopenedasthoughforatheatricaleffect.
　　"Inalargeroom，allindisorder，inthemidstofskirts，collars，waistslyingaroundonthefloor，stoodatall，dried—upcreature.Thelowerpartofherbodywascoveredwithanold，worn—outsilkpetticoat，whichwashanginglimplyonhershapelessform，andshewasstandinginfrontofamirrorbrushingsomeshort，sparseblondhairs.Herarmsformedtwoacuteangles，andassheturnedaroundinastonishmentIsawunderacommoncottonchemisearegularcemeteryofribs，whichwerehiddenfromthepublicgazebywell—arrangedpads.
　　"Thehusbandutteredanaturalexclamationandcameback，closingthedoors，andsaid：’Gracious！howstupidIam！Oh，howthoughtless！Mywifewillneverforgivemeforthat！’
　　"Ialreadyfeltlikethankinghim.Ileftthreedayslater，aftercordiallyshakinghandswiththetwomenandkissingthelady’sfingers.
　　Shebademeacoldgood—by."
　　KarlMassoulignywassilent.Someoneasked："Butwhatwasthefriend？"
　　"Idon’tknow——however——howeverhelookedgreatlydistressedtoseemeleavingsosoon."
　　ASALE
　　Thedefendants，Cesaire—IsidoreBrumentandProsper—NapoleonCornu，appearedbeforetheCourtofAssizesoftheSeine—Inferieure，onachargeofattemptedmurder，bydrowning，ofMme.Brument，lawfulwifeofthefirstoftheaforenamed.
　　Thetwoprisonerssatsidebysideonthetraditionalbench.Theyweretwopeasants;thefirstwassmallandstout，withshortarms，shortlegs，andaroundheadwitharedpimplyface，planteddirectlyonhistrunk，whichwasalsoroundandshort，andwithapparentlynoneck.HewasaraiserofpigsandlivedatCacheville—la—Goupil，inthedistrictofCriquetot.
　　Cornu（Prosper—Napoleon）wasthin，ofmediumheight，withenormouslylongarms.Hisheadwasoncrooked，hisjawawry，andhesquinted.Ablueblouse，aslongasashirt，hungdowntohisknees，andhisyellowhair，whichwasscantyandplastereddownonhishead，gavehisfaceaworn—
　　out，dirtylook，adilapidatedlookthatwasfrightful.Hehadbeennicknamed"thecure"becausehecouldimitatetoperfectionthechantinginchurch，andeventhesoundoftheserpent.Thistalentattractedtohiscafe——forhewasasaloonkeeperatCriquetot——agreatmanycustomerswhopreferredthe"massatCornu"tothemassinchurch.
　　Mme.Brument，seatedonthewitnessbench，wasathinpeasantwomanwhoseemedtobealwaysasleep.Shesattheremotionless，herhandscrossedonherknees，gazingfixedlybeforeherwithastupidexpression.
　　Thejudgecontinuedhisinterrogation.
　　"Well，then，Mme.Brument，theycameintoyourhouseandthrewyouintoabarrelfullofwater.Tellusthedetails.Standup."
　　Sherose.Shelookedastallasaflagpolewithhercapwhichlookedlikeawhiteskullcap.Shesaidinadrawlingtone：
　　"Iwasshellingbeans.Justthentheycamein.Isaidtomyself，’Whatisthematterwiththem？Theydonotseemnatural，theyseemuptosomemischief.’Theywatchedmesideways，likethis，especiallyCornu，becausehesquints.Idonotliketoseethemtogether，fortheyaretwogood—for—nothingswhentheyareincompany.Isaid：’Whatdoyouwantwithme？’Theydidnotanswer.Ihadasortofmistrust————"
　　ThedefendantBrumentinterruptedthewitnesshastily，saying：
　　"Iwasfull."
　　ThenCornu，turningtowardshisaccomplicesaidinthedeeptonesofanorgan：
　　"Saythatwewerebothfull，andyouwillbetellingnolie."
　　Thejudge，severely：
　　"Youmeanbythatthatyouwerebothdrunk？"
　　Brument："Therecanbenoquestionaboutit."
　　Cornu："Thatmighthappentoanyone."
　　Thejudgetothevictim："Continueyourtestimony，womanBrument."
　　"Well，Brumentsaidtome，’Doyouwishtoearnahundredsous？’’Yes，’
　　Ireplied，seeingthatahundredsousarenotpickedupinahorse’stracks.Thenhesaid：’OpenyoureyesanddoasIdo，’andhewenttofetchthelargeemptybarrelwhichisundertherainpipeinthecorner，andheturneditoverandbroughtitintomykitchen，andstuckitdowninthemiddleofthefloor，andthenhesaidtome：’Goandfetchwateruntilitisfull.’
　　"SoIwenttothepondwithtwopailsandcarriedwater，andstillmorewaterforanhour，seeingthatthebarrelwasaslargeasavat，savingyourpresence，m’sieulepresident.
　　"AllthistimeBrumentandCornuweredrinkingaglass，andthenanotherglass，andthenanother.TheywerefinishingtheirdrinkswhenIsaidtothem：’Youarefull，fullerthanthisbarrel.’AndBrumentansweredme.
　　’Donotworry，goonwithyourwork，yourturnwillcome，eachonehashisshare.’Ipaidnoattentiontowhathesaidashewasfull.
　　"Whenthebarrelwasfulltothebrim，Isaid：’There，that’sdone.’
　　"AndthenCornugavemeahundredsous，notBrument，Cornu;itwasCornugavethemtome.AndBrumentsaid：’Doyouwishtoearnahundredsousmore？’’Yes，’Isaid，forIamnotaccustomedtopresentslikethat.
　　Thenhesaid：’Takeoffyourclothes.！
　　"’Takeoffmyclothes？’
　　"’Yes，’hesaid.
　　"’HowmanyshallItakeoff？’
　　"’Ifitworriesyouatall，keeponyourchemise，thatwon’tbotherus.’
　　"Ahundredsousisahundredsous，andIhavetoundressmyself;butI
　　didnotfancyundressingbeforethosetwogood—for—nothings.Itookoffmycap，andthenmyjacket，andthenmyskirt，andthenmysabots.
　　Brumentsaid，’Keeponyourstockings，also;wearegoodfellows.’
　　"AndCornusaid，too，’Wearegoodfellows.’
　　"SothereIwas，almostlikemotherEve.Andtheygotupfromtheirchairs，butcouldnotstandstraight，theyweresofull，savingyourpresence，M’sieulepresident.
　　"Isaidtomyself：’Whataretheyupto？’
　　"AndBrumentsaid：’Areyouready？’
　　"AndCornusaid：’I’mready！’
　　"Andthentheytookme，Brumentbythehead，andCornubythefeet，asonemighttake，forinstance，asheetthathasbeenwashed.ThenIbegantobawl.
　　"AndBrumentsaid：’Keepstill，wretchedcreature！’
　　"Andtheyliftedmeupintheairandputmeintothebarrel，whichwasfullofwater，sothatIhadacheckofthecirculation，achilltomyveryinsides.
　　"AndBrumentsaid：’Isthatall？’
　　"Cornusaid：’Thatisall.’
　　"Brumentsaid：’Theheadisnotin，thatwillmakeadifferenceinthemeasure.’
　　"Cornusaid：’Putinherhead.’
　　"AndthenBrumentpusheddownmyheadasiftodrownme，sothatthewaterranintomynose，sothatIcouldalreadyseeParadise.Andhepusheditdown，andIdisappeared.
　　"Andthenhemusthavebeenfrightened.Hepulledmeoutandsaid：’Goandgetdry，carcass.’
　　"Asforme，ItooktomyheelsandranasfarasM.lecure’s.Helentmeaskirtbelongingtohisservant，forIwasalmostinastateofnature，andhewenttofetchMaitreChicot，thecountrywatchmanwhowenttoCriquetottofetchthepolicewhocametomyhousewithme.
　　"ThenwefoundBrumentandCornufightingeachotherliketworams.
　　"Brumentwasbawling：’Itisn’ttrue，Itellyouthatthereisatleastacubicmetreinit.Itisthemethodthatwasnogood.’
　　"Cornubawled：’Fourpails，thatisalmosthalfacubicmetre.Youneednotreply，that’swhatitis.’
　　"Thepolicecaptainputthembothunderarrest.Ihavenomoretotell."
　　Shesatdown.Theaudienceinthecourtroomlaughed.Thejurorslookedatoneanotherinastonishment.Thejudgesaid：
　　"DefendantCornu，youseemtohavebeentheinstigatorofthisinfamousplot.Whathaveyoutosay？"
　　AndCornuroseinhisturn.
　　"Judge，"hereplied，"Iwasfull."
　　TheJudgeansweredgravely：
　　"Iknowit.Proceed."
　　"Iwill.Well，Brumentcametomyplaceaboutnineo’clock，andorderedtwodrinks，andsaid：’There’soneforyou，Cornu.’Isatdownoppositehimanddrank，andoutofpoliteness，Iofferedhimaglass.ThenhereturnedthecomplimentandsodidI，andsoitwentonfromglasstoglassuntilnoon，whenwewerefull.
　　"ThenBrumentbegantocry.Thattouchedme.Iaskedhimwhatwasthematter.Hesaid：’ImusthaveathousandfrancsbyThursday.’Thatcooledmeoffalittle，youunderstand.Thenhesaidtomeallatonce：
　　’Iwillsellyoumywife.’
　　"Iwasfull，andIwasawidower.Youunderstand，thatstirredmeup.
　　Ididnotknowhiswife，butshewasawoman，wasn’tshe？Iaskedhim：
　　’Howmuchwouldyousellherfor？’
　　"Hereflected，orpretendedtoreflect.Whenoneisfulloneisnotveryclear—headed，andhereplied：’Iwillsellherbythecubicmetre.’
　　"Thatdidnotsurpriseme，forIwasasdrunkashewas，andIknewwhatacubicmetreisinmybusiness.Itisathousandlitres，thatsuitedme.
　　"Butthepriceremainedtobesettled.Alldependsonthequality.I
　　said：’Howmuchdoyouwantacubicmetre？’
　　"Heanswered：’Twothousandfrancs.’
　　"Igaveaboundlikearabbit，andthenIreflectedthatawomanoughtnottomeasuremorethanthreehundredlitres.SoIsaid：’That’stoodear.’
　　"Heanswered：’Icannotdoitforless.Ishouldlosebyit.’
　　"Youunderstand，oneisnotadealerinhogsfornothing.Oneunderstandsone’sbusiness.But，ifheissmart，thesellerofbacon，I
　　amsmarter，seeingthatIsellthemalso.Ha，Ha，Ha！SoIsaidtohim：
　　’Ifshewerenew，Iwouldnotsayanything，butshehasbeenmarriedtoyouforsometime，sosheisnotasfreshasshewas.Iwillgiveyoufifteenhundredfrancsacubicmetre，notasoumore.Willthatsuityou？’
　　"Heanswered：’Thatwilldo.That’sabargain！’
　　"Iagreed，andwestartedout，arminarm.Wemusthelpeachotherinthisworld.