twomenextravagantlymadeupasnegrominstrels，withimmenseshoesandplaidvests。Theyseemedtobeabletowrestleatuneoutofalmostanything——glassbottles，cigar-
　　boxfiddles，stringsofsleigh-bells，evengraduatedbrasstubes，whichtheyrubbedwithresinedfingers。McTeaguewasstupefiedwithadmiration。
　　“That’swhatyoucallmusicians，“heannouncedgravely。
　　“Home，SweetHome，“playeduponatrombone。Thinkofthat！
　　Artcouldgonofarther。
　　Theacrobatslefthimbreathless。Theyweredazzlingyoungmenwithbeautifullypartedhair，continuallymakinggracefulgesturestotheaudience。Inoneofthemthedentistfanciedhesawastrongresemblancetotheboywhohadtormentedtheintoxicatedlodgerandwhohadturnedsuchmarvelloussomersaults。Trinacouldnotbeartowatchtheirantics。Sheturnedawayherheadwithalittleshudder。
　　“Italwaysmakesmesick，“sheexplained。
　　Thebeautifulyounglady，“TheSocietyContralto，“ineveningdress，whosangthesentimentalsongs，andcarriedthesheetsofmusicatwhichsheneverlooked，pleasedMcTeagueless。Trina，however，wascaptivated。Shegrewpensiveover“Youdonotloveme——no；
　　Bidmegood-byandgo；“
　　andsplithernewglovesinherenthusiasmwhenitwasfinished。
　　“Don’tyoulovesadmusic，Mac？“shemurmured。
　　Thencamethetwocomedians。Theytalkedwithfearfulrapidity；theirwitandreparteeseemedinexhaustible。
　　“AsIwasgoingdownthestreetyesterday——“
　　“Ah！asYOUweregoingdownthestreet——allright。“
　　“Isawagirlatawindow——“
　　“YOUsawagirlatawindow。“
　　“Andthisgirlshewasacorker——“
　　“Ah！asYOUweregoingdownthestreetyesterdayYOU
　　sawagirlatawindow，andthisgirlshewasacorker。Allright，goon。“
　　Theothercomedianwenton。Thejokewassuddenlyevolved。
　　Acertainphraseledtoasong，whichwassungwithlightningrapidity，eachperformermakingpreciselythesamegesturesatpreciselythesameinstant。Theywereirresistible。McTeague，thoughhecaughtbutathirdofthejokes，couldhavelistenedallnight。
　　Afterthecomedianshadgoneout，theironadvertisementcurtainwasletdown。
　　“Whatcomesnow？“saidMcTeague，bewildered。
　　“It’stheintermissionoffifteenminutesnow。“
　　Themusiciansdisappearedthroughtherabbithutch，andtheaudiencestirredandstretcheditself。Mostoftheyoungmenlefttheirseats。
　　DuringthisintermissionMcTeagueandhispartyhad“refreshments。“Mrs。SieppeandTrinahadQueenCharlottes，McTeaguedrankaglassofbeer，Owgoosteatetheorangeandoneofthebananas。Hebeggedforaglassoflemonade，whichwasfinallygivenhim。
　　“Joosttogeepumquiet，“observedMrs。Sieppe。
　　ButalmostimmediatelyafterdrinkinghislemonadeOwgoostewasseizedwithasuddenrestlessness。Hetwistedandwriggledinhisseat，swinginghislegsviolently，lookingabouthimwitheyesfullofavaguedistress。Atlength，justasthemusicianswerereturning，hestoodupandwhisperedenergeticallyinhismother’sear。Mrs。Sieppewasexasperatedatonce。
　　“No，no，“shecried，reseatinghimbrusquely。
　　Theperformancewasresumed。Alightningartistappeared，drawingcaricaturesandportraitswithincredibleswiftness。
　　Heevenwentsofarastoaskforsubjectsfromtheaudience，andthenamesofprominentmenwereshoutedtohimfromthegallery。HedrewportraitsofthePresident，ofGrant，ofWashington，ofNapoleonBonaparte，ofBismarck，ofGaribaldi，ofP。T。Barnum。
　　Andsotheeveningpassed。Thehallgrewveryhot，andthesmokeofinnumerablecigarsmadetheeyessmart。Athickbluemisthunglowovertheheadsoftheaudience。Theairwasfullofvariedsmells——thesmellofstalecigars，offlatbeer，oforangepeel，ofgas，ofsachetpowders，andofcheapperfumery。
　　One“artist“afteranothercameuponthestage。McTeague’sattentionneverwanderedforaminute。Trinaandhermotherenjoyedthemselveshugely。Ateverymomenttheymadecommentstooneanother，theireyesneverleavingthestage。
　　“Ain’tdotfooljoosttoofunny？“
　　“That’saprettysong。Don’tyoulikethatkindofasong？“
　　“Wonderful！It’swonderful！Yes，yes，wonderful！That’stheword。“
　　Owgooste，however，lostinterest。Hestoodupinhisplace，hisbacktothestage，chewingapieceoforangepeelandwatchingalittlegirlinherfather’slapacrosstheaisle，hiseyesfixedinaglassy，ox-likestare。Buthewasuneasy。Hedancedfromonefoottotheother，andatintervalsappealedinhoarsewhisperstohismother，whodisdainedananswer。
　　“Ma，say，ma-ah，“hewhined，abstractedlychewinghisorangepeel，staringatthelittlegirl。
　　“Ma-ah，say，ma。“Attimeshismonotonousplaintreachedhismother’sconsciousness。Shesuddenlyrealizedwhatthiswasthatwasannoyingher。
　　“Owgooste，willyousitdown？“Shecaughthimupallatonce，andjammedhimdownintohisplace。“Bequiet，den；
　　loog；listunatderyungegirls。“
　　Threeyoungwomenandayoungmanwhoplayedazitheroccupiedthestage。TheyweredressedinTyrolesecostume；
　　theywereyodlers，andsanginGermanabout“mountaintops“
　　and“boldhunters“andthelike。Theyodlingchoruswasamarvelofflute-likemodulations。Thegirlswerereallypretty，andwerenotmadeupintheleast。Their“turn“hadagreatsuccess。Mrs。Sieppewasentranced。InstantlysherememberedhergirlhoodandhernativeSwissvillage。
　　“Ach，dotisheavunly；joostlikederoldcountry。Meingran’mutterusedtobeoneofdermos’famousyodlers。WhenIwasleedle，Ihafseendemjoostlikedat。“
　　“Ma-ah，“beganOwgoostefretfully，assoonastheyodlershaddeparted。Hecouldnotkeepstillaninstant；hetwistedfromsidetoside，swinginghislegswithincredibleswiftness。
　　“Ma-ah，Iwanttogoho-ome。“
　　“Pehave！“exclaimedhismother，shakinghimbythearm；
　　“loog，derleedlegirliswatchunyou。DisisderlastdimeItakeyoutoderblay，yousee。“
　　“Idon’tca-are；I’msleepy。“Atlength，totheirgreatrelief，hewenttosleep，hisheadagainsthismother’sarm。
　　Thekinetoscopefairlytooktheirbreathsaway。
　　“Whatwilltheydonext？“observedTrina，inamazement。
　　“Ain’tthatwonderful，Mac？“
　　McTeaguewasawe-struck。
　　“Lookatthathorsemovehishead，“hecriedexcitedly，quitecarriedaway。“Lookatthatcablecarcoming——andthemangoingacrossthestreet。See，herecomesatruck。
　　Well，Ineverinallmylife！WhatwouldMarcussaytothis？“
　　“It’salladrick！“exclaimedMrs。Sieppe，withsuddenconviction。“Iain’tnofool；dot’snothunbutadrick。“
　　“Well，ofcourse，mamma，“exclaimedTrina，“it’s——“
　　ButMrs。Sieppeputherheadintheair。
　　“I’mtoooldtobefooled，“shepersisted。“It’sadrick。“
　　Nothingmorecouldbegotoutofherthanthis。
　　Thepartystayedtotheveryendoftheshow，thoughthekinetoscopewasthelastnumberbutoneontheprogramme，andfullyhalftheaudienceleftimmediatelyafterward。
　　However，whiletheunfortunateIrishcomedianwentthroughhis“act“tothebacksofthedepartingpeople，Mrs。SieppewokeOwgooste，verycrossandsleepy，andbegangettingher“thingstogether。“AssoonashewasawakeOwgoostebeganfidgetingagain。
　　“Savederbrogramme，Trina，“whisperedMrs。Sieppe。“Takeuthometopopper。WhereisderhatofOwgooste？Hafyougotmeinhandkerchief，Trina？“
　　ButatthismomentadreadfulaccidenthappenedtoOwgooste；
　　hisdistressreacheditsclimax；hisfortitudecollapsed。
　　Whatamisery！Itwasaveritablecatastrophe，deplorable，lamentable，athingbeyondwords！Foramomenthegazedwildlyabouthim，helplessandpetrifiedwithastonishmentandterror。Thenhisgrieffoundutterance，andtheclosingstrainsoftheorchestraweremingledwithaprolongedwailofinfinitesadness。
　　“Owgooste，whatisut？“criedhismothereyeinghimwithdawningsuspicion；thensuddenly，“Whathafyoudone？YouhafruinyournewVauntleroygostume！“Herfaceblazed；
　　withoutmoreadoshesmackedhimsoundly。ThenitwasthatOwgoostetouchedthelimitofhismisery，hisunhappiness，hishorriblediscomfort；hisutterwretchednesswascomplete。Hefilledtheairwithhisdolefuloutcries。Themorehewassmackedandshaken，thelouderhewept。
　　“What——whatisthematter？“inquiredMcTeague。
　　Trina’sfacewasscarlet。“Nothing，nothing，“sheexclaimedhastily，lookingaway。“Come，wemustbegoing。It’saboutover。“Theendoftheshowandthebreakingupoftheaudiencetidedovertheembarrassmentofthemoment。
　　Thepartyfiledoutatthetailendoftheaudience。
　　Alreadythelightswerebeingextinguishedandtheushersspreadingdruggetingovertheupholsteredseats。
　　McTeagueandtheSieppestookanuptowncarthatwouldbringthemnearPolkStreet。Thecarwascrowded；McTeagueandOwgoostewereobligedtostand。Thelittleboyfrettedtobetakeninhismother’slap，butMrs。Sieppeemphaticallyrefused。
　　Ontheirwayhometheydiscussedtheperformance。
　　“I——Ilikebestderyodlers。“