首页 >出版文学> LITTLE DORRIT>第146章

第146章

  ’Ah!’groanedYoungJohn。’You!’
  Hedidwhathecouldtomusterasmile,andreturned,’Yourfancy。
  Youarecompletelymistaken。’
  ’Imistaken,sir!’saidYoungJohn。’_I_completelymistakenonthatsubject!No,MrClennam,don’ttellmeso。Onanyother,ifyoulike,forIdon’tsetuptobeapenetratingcharacter,andamwellawareofmyowndeficiencies。But,_I_mistakenonapointthathascausedmemoresmartinmybreastthanaflightofsavages’arrowscouldhavedone!_I_mistakenonapointthatalmostsentmeintomygrave,asIsometimeswisheditwould,ifthegravecouldonlyhavebeenmadecompatiblewiththetobacco-
  businessandfatherandmother’sfeelings!Imistakenonapointthat,evenatthepresentmoment,makesmetakeoutmypocket-
  handkercherlikeagreatgirl,aspeoplesay:thoughIamsureI
  don’tknowwhyagreatgirlshouldbeatermofreproach,foreveryrightlyconstitutedmalemindloves’emgreatandsmall。Don’ttellmeso,don’ttellmeso!’
  Stillhighlyrespectableatbottom,thoughabsurdenoughuponthesurface,YoungJohntookouthispocket-handkerchiefwithagenuineabsencebothofdisplayandconcealment,whichisonlytobeseeninamanwithagreatdealofgoodinhim,whenhetakesouthispocket-handkerchiefforthepurposeofwipinghiseyes。Havingdriedthem,andindulgedintheharmlessluxuryofasobandasniff,heputitupagain。
  ThetouchwasstillinitsinfluencesolikeablowthatArthurcouldnotgetmanywordstogethertoclosethesubjectwith。HeassuredJohnChiverywhenhehadreturnedhishandkerchieftohispocket,thathedidallhonourtohisdisinterestednessandtothefidelityofhisremembranceofMissDorrit。Astotheimpressiononhismind,ofwhichhehadjustrelievedit——hereJohninterposed,andsaid,’Noimpression!Certainty!’——astothat,theymightperhapsspeakofitatanothertime,butwouldsaynomorenow。Feelinglow-spiritedandweary,hewouldgobacktohisroom,withjohn’sleave,andcomeoutnomorethatnight。Johnassented,andhecreptbackintheshadowofthewalltohisownlodging。
  Thefeelingoftheblowwasstillsostronguponhimthat,whenthedirtyoldwomanwasgonewhomhefoundsittingonthestairsoutsidehisdoor,waitingtomakehisbed,andwhogavehimtounderstandwhiledoingit,thatshehadreceivedherinstructionsfromMrChivery,’nottheold’unbuttheyoung’un,’hesatdowninthefadedarm-chair,pressinghisheadbetweenhishands,asifhehadbeenstunned。LittleDorritlovehim!Morebewilderingtohimthanhismisery,far。
  Considertheimprobability。Hehadbeenaccustomedtocallherhischild,andhisdearchild,andtoinviteherconfidencebydwellinguponthedifferenceintheirrespectiveages,andtospeakofhimselfasonewhowasturningold。Yetshemightnothavethoughthimold。Somethingremindedhimthathehadnotthoughthimselfso,untiltheroseshadfloatedawayupontheriver。
  Hehadhertwolettersamongotherpapersinhisbox,andhetookthemoutandreadthem。Thereseemedtobeasoundinthemlikethesoundofhersweetvoice。Itfelluponhisearwithmanytonesoftenderness,thatwerenotinsusceptibleofthenewmeaning。Nowitwasthatthequietdesolationofheranswer,’No,No,No,’madetohimthatnightinthatveryroom——thatnightwhenhehadbeenshownthedawnofheralteredfortune,andwhenotherwordshadpassedbetweenthemwhichhehadbeendestinedtorememberinhumiliationandaprisoner,rushedintohismind。
  Considertheimprobability。
  Butithadapreponderatingtendency,whenconsidered,tobecomefainter。Therewasanotherandacuriousinquiryofhisownheart’sthatconcurrentlybecamestronger。Inthereluctancehehadfelttobelievethatshelovedanyone;inhisdesiretosetthatquestionatrest;inahalf-formedconsciousnesshehadhadthattherewouldbeakindofnoblenessinhishelpingherloveforanyone,wastherenosuppressedsomethingonhisownsidethathehadhushedasitarose?Hadheeverwhisperedtohimselfthathemustnotthinkofsuchathingasherlovinghim,thathemustnottakeadvantageofhergratitude,thathemustkeephisexperienceinremembranceasawarningandreproof;thathemustregardsuchyouthfulhopesashavingpassedaway,ashisfriend’sdeaddaughterhadpassedaway;thathemustbesteadyinsayingtohimselfthatthetimehadgonebyhim,andhewastoosaddenedandold?
  Hehadkissedherwhenheraisedherfromthegroundonthedaywhenshehadbeensoconsistentlyandexpressivelyforgotten。
  Quiteashemighthavekissedher,ifshehadbeenconscious?Nodifference?
  Thedarknessfoundhimoccupiedwiththesethoughts。ThedarknessalsofoundMrandMrsPlornishknockingathisdoor。Theybroughtwiththemabasket,filledwithchoiceselectionsfromthatstockintradewhichmetwithsuchaquicksaleandproducedsuchaslowreturn。MrsPlornishwasaffectedtotears。MrPlornishamiablygrowled,inhisphilosophicalbutnotlucidmanner,thattherewasupsyousee,andtherewasdowns。Itwasinvaintoaskwhyups,whydowns;theretheywas,youknow。Hehadheerditgivenforatruththataccordin’astheworldwentround,whichrounditdidrewolveundoubted,eventhebestofgentlemenmusttakehisturnofstandingwithhisedupsidedownandallhisairaflyingthewrongwayintowhatyoumightcallSpace。Werywellthen。WhatMrPlornishsaidwas,werywellthen。Thatgentleman’sedwouldcomeup-ardswhenhisturncome,thatgentleman’sairwouldbeapleasuretolookuponbeingallsmoothagain,andwerywellthen!
  IthasbeenalreadystatedthatMrsPlornish,notbeingphilosophical,wept。ItfurtherhappenedthatMrsPlornish,notbeingphilosophical,wasintelligible。Itmayhavearisenoutofhersoftenedstateofmind,outofhersex’swit,outofawoman’squickassociationofideas,oroutofawoman’snoassociationofideas,butitfurtherhappenedsomehowthatMrsPlornish’sintelligibilitydisplayeditselfupontheverysubjectofArthur’smeditations。
  ’Thewayfatherhasbeentalkingaboutyou,MrClennam,’saidMrsPlornish,’youhardlywouldbelieve。It’smadehimquitepoorly。
  Astohisvoice,thismisfortunehastookitaway。Youknowwhatasweetsingerfatheris;buthecouldn’tgetanoteoutforthechildrenattea,ifyou’llcreditwhatItellyou。’
  Whilespeaking,MrsPlornishshookherhead,andwipedhereyes,andlookedretrospectivelyabouttheroom。
  ’AstoMrBaptist,’pursuedMrsPlornish,’whateverhe’lldowhenhecomestoknowofit,Ican’tconceivenoryetimagine。He’dhavebeenherebeforenow,youmaybesure,butthathe’sawayonconfidentialbusinessofyourown。Theperseveringmannerinwhichhefollowsupthatbusiness,andgiveshimselfnorestfromit——itreallydo,’saidMrsPlornish,windingupintheItalianmanner,’asIsaytohim,Mooshattonishapadrona。’
  Thoughnotconceited,MrsPlornishfeltthatshehadturnedthisTuscansentencewithpeculiarelegance。MrPlornishcouldnotconcealhisexultationinheraccomplishmentsasalinguist。
  ’ButwhatIsayis,MrClennam,’thegoodwomanwenton,’there’salwayssomethingtobethankfulfor,asIamsureyouwillyourselfadmit。Speakinginthisroom,it’snothardtothinkwhatthepresentsomethingis。It’sathingtobethankfulfor,indeed,thatMissDorritisnotheretoknowit。’
  Arthurthoughtshelookedathimwithparticularexpression。
  ’It’sathing,’reiteratedMrsPlornish,’tobethankfulfor,indeed,thatMissDorritisfaraway。It’stobehopedsheisnotlikelytohearofit。Ifshehadbeenheretoseeit,sir,it’snottobedoubtedthatthesightofyou,’MrsPlornishrepeatedthosewords——’nottobedoubted,thatthesightofyou——inmisfortuneandtrouble,wouldhavebeenalmosttoomuchforheraffectionateheart。There’snothingIcanthinkof,thatwouldhavetouchedMissDorritsobadasthat。’
  OfacertaintyMrsPlornishdidlookathimnow,withasortofquiveringdefianceinherfriendlyemotion。
  ’Yes!’saidshe。’Anditshowswhatnoticefathertakes,thoughathistimeoflife,thathesaystomethisafternoon,whichHappyCottageknowsIneithermakeitupnoranywaysenlarge,“Mary,it’smuchtoberejoicedinthatMissDorritisnotonthespottobeholdit。“Thosewerefather’swords。Father’sownwordswas,“Muchtoberejoicedin,Mary,thatMissDorritisnotonthespottobeholdit。“Isaystofatherthen,Isaystohim,“Father,youareright!“That,’MrsPlornishconcluded,withtheairofaverypreciselegalwitness,’iswhatpassedbetwixtfatherandme。AndItellyounothingbutwhatdidpassbetwixtmeandfather。’
  MrPlornish,asbeingofamorelaconictemperament,embracedthisopportunityofinterposingwiththesuggestionthatsheshouldnowleaveMrClennamtohimself。’For,yousee,’saidMrPlornish,gravely,’Iknowwhatitis,oldgal;’repeatingthatvaluableremarkseveraltimes,asifitappearedtohimtoincludesomegreatmoralsecret。Finally,theworthycouplewentawayarminarm。
  LittleDorrit,LittleDorrit。Again,forhours。AlwaysLittleDorrit!
  Happily,ifiteverhadbeenso,itwasover,andbetterover。
  Grantedthatshehadlovedhim,andhehadknownitandhadsufferedhimselftoloveher,whataroadtohaveledherawayupon——theroadthatwouldhavebroughtherbacktothismiserableplace!Heoughttobemuchcomfortedbythereflectionthatshewasquitofitforever;thatshewas,orwouldsoonbe,marriedvaguerumoursofherfather’sprojectsinthatdirectionhadreachedBleedingHeartYard,withthenewsofhersister’smarriage;andthattheMarshalseagatehadshutforeveronallthoseperplexedpossibilitiesofatimethatwasgone。
  DearLittleDorrit。
  Lookingbackuponhisownpoorstory,shewasitsvanishing-point。
  Everythinginitsperspectiveledtoherinnocentfigure。Hehadtravelledthousandsofmilestowardsit;previousunquiethopesanddoubtshadworkedthemselvesoutbeforeit;itwasthecentreoftheinterestofhislife;itwastheterminationofeverythingthatwasgoodandpleasantinit;beyond,therewasnothingbutmerewasteanddarkenedsky。
  Asillateaseasonthefirstnightofhislyingdowntosleepwithinthosedrearywalls,heworethenightoutwithsuchthoughts。WhattimeYoungJohnlaywraptinpeacefulslumber,aftercomposingandarrangingthefollowingmonumentalinscriptiononhispillow——
  STRANGER!
  RESPECTTHETOMBOF
  JOHNCHIVERY,JUNIOR,WHODIEDATANADVANCEDAGE
  NOTNECESSARYTOMENTION。
  HEENCOUNTEREDHISRIVALINADISTRESSEDSTATE,ANDFELTINCLINED
  TOHAVEAROUNDWITHHIM;
  BUT,FORTHESAKEOFTHELOVEDONE,CONQUEREDTHOSEFEELINGS
  OFBITTERNESS,ANDBECAME
  MAGNANIMOUS。
  AnAppearanceintheMarshalseaTheopinionofthecommunityoutsidetheprisongatesborehardonClennamastimewenton,andhemadenofriendsamongthecommunitywithin。Toodepressedtoassociatewiththeherdintheyard,whogottogethertoforgettheircares;tooretiringandtoounhappytojoininthepoorsocialitiesofthetavern;hekepthisownroom,andwasheldindistrust。Somesaidhewasproud;someobjectedthathewassullenandreserved;somewerecontemptuousofhim,forthathewasapoor-spiriteddogwhopinedunderhisdebts。Thewholepopulationwereshyofhimonthesevariouscountsofindictment,butespeciallythelast,whichinvolvedaspeciesofdomestictreason;andhesoonbecamesoconfirmedinhisseclusion,thathisonlytimeforwalkingupanddownwaswhentheeveningClubwereassembledattheirsongsandtoastsandsentiments,andwhentheyardwasnearlylefttothewomenandchildren。
  Imprisonmentbegantotelluponhim。Heknewthatheidledandmoped。Afterwhathehadknownoftheinfluencesofimprisonmentwithinthefoursmallwallsoftheveryroomheoccupied,thisconsciousnessmadehimafraidofhimself。Shrinkingfromtheobservationofothermen,andshrinkingfromhisown,hebegantochangeverysensibly。Anybodymightseethattheshadowofthewallwasdarkuponhim。
  Onedaywhenhemighthavebeensometenortwelveweeksinjail,andwhenhehadbeentryingtoreadandhadnotbeenabletoreleaseeventheimaginarypeopleofthebookfromtheMarshalsea,afootstepstoppedathisdoor,andahandtappedatit。Hearoseandopenedit,andanagreeablevoiceaccostedhimwith’Howdoyoudo,MrClennam?IhopeIamnotunwelcomeincallingtoseeyou。’
  ItwasthesprightlyyoungBarnacle,Ferdinand。Helookedverygood-naturedandprepossessing,thoughoverpoweringlygayandfree,incontrastwiththesqualidprison。
  ’Youaresurprisedtoseeme,MrClennam,’hesaid,takingtheseatwhichClennamofferedhim。
  ’Imustconfesstobeingmuchsurprised。’
  ’Notdisagreeably,Ihope?’
  ’Bynomeans。’
  ’Thankyou。Frankly,’saidtheengagingyoungBarnacle,’Ihavebeenexcessivelysorrytohearthatyouwereunderthenecessityofatemporaryretirementhere,andIhopeofcourseasbetweentwoprivategentlementhatourplacehashadnothingtodowithit?’
  ’Youroffice?’
  ’OurCircumlocutionplace。’
  ’Icannotchargeanypartofmyreversesuponthatremarkableestablishment。’
  Uponmylife,’saidthevivaciousyoungBarnacle,’Iamheartilygladtoknowit。Itisquitearelieftometohearyousayit。
  Ishouldhavesoexceedinglyregrettedourplacehavinghadanythingtodowithyourdifficulties。’
  Clennamagainassuredhimthatheabsolveditoftheresponsibility。
  ’That’sright,’saidFerdinand。’Iamveryhappytohearit。I
  wasratherafraidinmyownmindthatwemighthavehelpedtoflooryou,becausethereisnodoubtthatitisourmisfortunetodothatkindofthingnowandthen。Wedon’twanttodoit;butifmenwillbegravelled,why——wecan’thelpit。’
  ’Withoutgivinganunqualifiedassenttowhatyousay,’returnedArthur,gloomily,’Iammuchobligedtoyouforyourinterestinme。’
  ’No,butreally!Ourplaceis,’saidtheeasyyoungBarnacle,’themostinoffensiveplacepossible。You’llsayweareahumbug。I
  won’tsaywearenot;butallthatsortofthingisintendedtobe,andmustbe。Don’tyousee?’
  ’Idonot,’saidClennam。
  ’Youdon’tregarditfromtherightpointofview。Itisthepointofviewthatistheessentialthing。Regardourplacefromthepointofviewthatweonlyaskyoutoleaveusalone,andweareascapitalaDepartmentasyou’llfindanywhere。’