butIcannothelptellingyouwhatanaturesheshows,andthatyoucanneverthinktoowellofher。
Ihavenotyetcalledherbyhernameinthisletter,butwearesuchfriendsnowthatIdosowhenwearequietlytogether,andshespeakstomebymyname——Imean,notmyChristianname,butthenameyougaveme。WhenshebegantocallmeAmy,Itoldhermyshortstory,andthatyouhadalwayscalledmeLittleDorrit。I
toldherthatthenamewasmuchdearertomethananyother,andsoshecallsmeLittleDorrittoo。
Perhapsyouhavenotheardfromherfatherormotheryet,andmaynotknowthatshehasababyson。Hewasbornonlytwodaysago,andjustaweekaftertheycame。Ithasmadethemveryhappy。
However,Imusttellyou,asIamtotellyouall,thatIfancytheyareunderaconstraintwithMrGowan,andthattheyfeelasifhismockingwaywiththemwassometimesaslightgiventotheirloveforher。Itwasbutyesterday,whenIwasthere,thatIsawMrMeagleschangecolour,andgetupandgoout,asifhewasafraidthathemightsayso,unlesshepreventedhimselfbythatmeans。YetIamsuretheyarebothsoconsiderate,good-humoured,andreasonable,thathemightsparethem。Itishardinhimnottothinkofthemalittlemore。
Istoppedatthelastfullstoptoreadallthisover。ItlookedatfirstasifIwastakingonmyselftounderstandandexplainsomuch,thatIwashalfinclinednottosendit。ButwhenIthoughtitoveralittle,IfeltmorehopefulforyourknowingatoncethatIhadonlybeenwatchfulforyou,andhadonlynoticedwhatIthinkIhavenoticed,becauseIwasquickenedbyyourinterestinit。
Indeed,youmaybesurethatisthetruth。
AndnowIhavedonewiththesubjectinthepresentletter,andhavelittlelefttosay。
Weareallquitewell,andFannyimproveseveryday。Youcanhardlythinkhowkindsheistome,andwhatpainsshetakeswithme。Shehasalover,whohasfollowedher,firstallthewayfromSwitzerland,andthenallthewayfromVenice,andwhohasjustconfidedtomethathemeanstofollowhereverywhere。Iwasmuchconfusedbyhisspeakingtomeaboutit,buthewould。Ididnotknowwhattosay,butatlastItoldhimthatIthoughthehadbetternot。ForFannybutIdidnottellhimthisismuchtoospiritedandclevertosuithim。Still,hesaidhewould,allthesame。Ihavenolover,ofcourse。
Ifyoushouldevergetsofarasthisinthislongletter,youwillperhapssay,SurelyLittleDorritwillnotleaveoffwithouttellingmesomethingabouthertravels,andsurelyitistimeshedid。Ithinkitisindeed,butIdon’tknowwhattotellyou。
SinceweleftVenicewehavebeeninagreatmanywonderfulplaces,GenoaandFlorenceamongthem,andhaveseensomanywonderfulsights,thatIamalmostgiddywhenIthinkwhatacrowdtheymake。
ButyoucantellmesomuchmoreaboutthemthanIcantellyou,thatwhyshouldItireyouwithmyaccountsanddescriptions?
DearMrClennam,asIhadthecouragetotellyouwhatthefamiliardifficultiesinmytravellingmindwerebefore,Iwillnotbeacowardnow。Oneofmyfrequentthoughtsisthis:——Oldasthesecitiesare,theirageitselfishardlysocurious,tomyreflections,asthattheyshouldhavebeenintheirplacesallthroughthosedayswhenIdidnotevenknowoftheexistenceofmorethantwoorthreeofthem,andwhenIscarcelyknewofanythingoutsideouroldwalls。Thereissomethingmelancholyinit,andIdon’tknowwhy。WhenwewenttoseethefamousleaningtoweratPisa,itwasabrightsunnyday,anditandthebuildingsnearitlookedsoold,andtheearthandtheskylookedsoyoung,anditsshadowonthegroundwassosoftandretired!Icouldnotatfirstthinkhowbeautifulitwas,orhowcurious,butIthought,’Ohowmanytimeswhentheshadowofthewallwasfallingonourroom,andwhenthatwearytreadoffeetwasgoingupanddowntheyard——Ohowmanytimesthisplacewasjustasquietandlovelyasitisto-day!’Itquiteoverpoweredme。Myheartwassofullthattearsburstoutofmyeyes,thoughIdidwhatIcouldtorestrainthem。AndIhavethesamefeelingoften——often。
Doyouknowthatsincethechangeinourfortunes,thoughIappeartomyselftohavedreamedmorethanbefore,Ihavealwaysdreamedofmyselfasveryyoungindeed!Iamnotveryold,youmaysay。
No,butthatisnotwhatImean。Ihavealwaysdreamedofmyselfasachildlearningtodoneedlework。Ihaveoftendreamedofmyselfasbackthere,seeingfacesintheyardlittleknown,andwhichIshouldhavethoughtIhadquiteforgotten;but,asoftenasnot,Ihavebeenabroadhere——inSwitzerland,orFrance,orItaly——
somewherewherewehavebeen——yetalwaysasthatlittlechild。I
havedreamedofgoingdowntoMrsGeneral,withthepatchesonmyclothesinwhichIcanfirstremembermyself。IhaveoverandoveragaindreamedoftakingmyplaceatdinneratVenicewhenwehavehadalargecompany,inthemourningformypoormotherwhichI
worewhenIwaseightyearsold,andworelongafteritwasthreadbareandwouldmendnomore。Ithasbeenagreatdistresstometothinkhowirreconcilablethecompanywouldconsideritwithmyfather’swealth,andhowIshoulddispleaseanddisgracehimandFannyandEdwardbysoplainlydisclosingwhattheywishedtokeepsecret。ButIhavenotgrownoutofthelittlechildinthinkingofit;andattheself-samemomentIhavedreamedthatIhavesatwiththeheart-acheattable,calculatingtheexpensesofthedinner,andquitedistractingmyselfwiththinkinghowtheywereevertobemadegood。Ihaveneverdreamedofthechangeinourfortunesitself;Ihaveneverdreamedofyourcomingbackwithmethatmemorablemorningtobreakit;Ihaveneverevendreamedofyou。
DearMrClennam,itispossiblethatIhavethoughtofyou——andothers——somuchbyday,thatIhavenothoughtslefttowanderroundyoubynight。ForImustnowconfesstoyouthatIsufferfromhome-sickness——thatIlongsoardentlyandearnestlyforhome,assometimes,whennooneseesme,topineforit。Icannotbeartoturnmyfacefurtherawayfromit。Myheartisalittlelightenedwhenweturntowardsit,evenforafewmiles,andwiththeknowledgethatwearesoontoturnawayagain。SodearlydoI
lovethesceneofmypovertyandyourkindness。Osodearly,Osodearly!
HeavenknowswhenyourpoorchildwillseeEnglandagain。Weareallfondofthelifehereexceptme,andtherearenoplansforourreturn。MydearfathertalksofavisittoLondonlateinthisnextspring,onsomeaffairsconnectedwiththeproperty,butI
havenohopethathewillbringmewithhim。
IhavetriedtogetonalittlebetterunderMrsGeneral’sinstruction,andIhopeIamnotquitesodullasIusedtobe。I
havebeguntospeakandunderstand,almosteasily,thehardlanguagesItoldyouabout。Ididnotremember,atthemomentwhenIwrotelast,thatyouknewthemboth;butIremembereditafterwards,andithelpedmeon。Godblessyou,dearMrClennam。
DonotforgetyourevergratefulandaffectionateLITTLEDORRIT。
P。S——ParticularlyrememberthatMinnieGowandeservesthebestremembranceinwhichyoucanholdher。Youcannotthinktoogenerouslyortoohighlyofher。IforgotMrPanckslasttime。
Please,ifyoushouldseehim,givehimyourLittleDorrit’skindregard。HewasverygoodtoLittleD。
InwhichaGreatPatrioticConferenceisholdenThefamousnameofMerdlebecame,everyday,morefamousintheland。NobodyknewthattheMerdleofsuchhighrenownhadeverdoneanygoodtoanyone,aliveordead,ortoanyearthlything;
nobodyknewthathehadanycapacityorutteranceofanysortinhim,whichhadeverthrown,foranycreature,thefeeblestfarthing-candlerayoflightonanypathofdutyordiversion,painorpleasure,toilorrest,factorfancy,amongthemultiplicityofpathsinthelabyrinthtroddenbythesonsofAdam;nobodyhadthesmallestreasonforsupposingtheclayofwhichthisobjectofworshipwasmade,tobeotherthanthecommonestclay,withascloggedawicksmoulderinginsideofitaseverkeptanimageofhumanityfromtumblingtopieces。Allpeoplekneworthoughttheyknewthathehadmadehimselfimmenselyrich;and,forthatreasonalone,prostratedthemselvesbeforehim,moredegradedlyandlessexcusablythanthedarkestsavagecreepsoutofhisholeinthegroundtopropitiate,insomelogorreptile,theDeityofhisbenightedsoul。
Nay,thehighpriestsofthisworshiphadthemanbeforethemasaprotestagainsttheirmeanness。Themultitudeworshippedontrust——thoughalwaysdistinctlyknowingwhy——buttheofficiatorsatthealtarhadthemanhabituallyintheirview。Theysatathisfeasts,andhesatattheirs。Therewasaspectrealwaysattendantonhim,sayingtothesehighpriests,’Aresuchthesignsyoutrust,andlovetohonour;thishead,theseeyes,thismodeofspeech,thetoneandmannerofthisman?YouaretheleversoftheCircumlocutionOffice,andtherulersofmen。Whenhalf-a-dozenofyoufalloutbytheears,itseemsthatmotherearthcangivebirthtonootherrulers。Doesyourqualificationlieinthesuperiorknowledgeofmenwhichaccepts,courts,andpuffsthisman?Or,ifyouarecompetenttojudgearightthesignsIneverfailtoshowyouwhenheappearsamongyou,isyoursuperiorhonestyyourqualification?’Tworatheruglyquestionsthese,alwaysgoingabouttownwithMrMerdle;andtherewasatacitagreementthattheymustbestifled。InMrsMerdle’sabsenceabroad,MrMerdlestillkeptthegreathouseopenforthepassagethroughitofastreamOfvisitors。Afewofthesetookaffablepossessionoftheestablishment。Threeorfourladiesofdistinctionandlivelinessusedtosaytooneanother,’LetusdineatourdearMerdle’snextThursday。Whomshallwehave?’OurdearMerdlewouldthenreceivehisinstructions;andwouldsitheavilyamongthecompanyattableandwanderlumpishlyabouthisdrawing-roomsafterwards,onlyremarkableforappearingtohavenothingtodowiththeentertainmentbeyondbeinginitsway。
TheChiefButler,theAvengingSpiritofthisgreatman’slife,relaxednothingofhisseverity。Helookedonatthesedinnerswhenthebosomwasnotthere,ashelookedonatotherdinnerswhenthebosomwasthere;andhiseyewasabasilisktoMrMerdle。Hewasahardman,andwouldneverbateanounceofplateorabottleofwine。Hewouldnotallowadinnertobegiven,unlessitwasuptohismark。Hesetforththetableforhisowndignity。Iftheguestschosetopartakeofwhatwasserved,hesawnoobjection;
butitwasservedforthemaintenanceofhisrank。Ashestoodbythesideboardheseemedtoannounce,’Ihaveacceptedofficetolookatthiswhichisnowbeforeme,andtolookatnothinglessthanthis。’Ifhemissedthepresidingbosom,itwasasapartofhisownstateofwhichhewas,fromunavoidablecircumstances,temporarilydeprived。justashemighthavemissedacentre-piece,orachoicewine-cooler,whichhadbeensenttotheBanker’s。
MrMerdleissuedinvitationsforaBarnacledinner。LordDecimuswastobethere,MrTiteBarnaclewastobethere,thepleasantyoungBarnaclewastobethere;andtheChorusofParliamentaryBarnacleswhowentabouttheprovinceswhentheHousewasup,warblingthepraisesoftheirChief,weretoberepresentedthere。
Itwasunderstoodtobeagreatoccasion。MrMerdlewasgoingtotakeuptheBarnacles。SomedelicatelittlenegotiationshadoccurredbetweenhimandthenobleDecimus——theyoungBarnacleofengagingmannersactingasnegotiator——andMrMerdlehaddecidedtocasttheweightofhisgreatprobityandgreatrichesintotheBarnaclescale。jobberywassuspectedbythemalicious;perhapsbecauseitwasindisputablethatiftheadherenceoftheimmortalEnemyofMankindcouldhavebeensecuredbyajob,theBarnacleswouldhavejobbedhim——forthegoodofthecountry,forthegoodofthecountry。
MrsMerdlehadwrittentothismagnificentspouseofhers,whomitwasheresytoregardasanythinglessthanalltheBritishMerchantssincethedaysofWhittingtonrolledintoone,andgildedthreefeetdeepallover——hadwrittentothisspouseofhers,severallettersfromRome,inquicksuccession,urginguponhimwithimportunitythatnoworneverwasthetimetoprovideforEdmundSparkler。MrsMerdlehadshownhimthatthecaseofEdmundwasurgent,andthatinfiniteadvantagesmightresultfromhishavingsomegoodthingdirectly。InthegrammarofMrsMerdle’sverbsonthismomentoussubject,therewasonlyonemood,theImperative;andthatMoodhadonlyoneTense,thePresent。MrsMerdle’sverbsweresopressinglypresentedtoMrMerdletoconjugate,thathissluggishbloodandhislongcoat-cuffsbecamequiteagitated。
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