say？-whynot？-agaming-house，whereIsawpeopleplaying，andwhereIsawFrancisArdryplayandlosefiveguineas，andwhereI
　　lostnothing，becauseIdidnotplay，thoughIfeltsomewhatinclined；foramanwithawhitehatandasparklingeyeheldupaboxwhichcontainedsomethingwhichrattled，andaskedmetoflingthebones。’Thereisnothinglikeflingingthebones!’saidhe，andthenIthoughtIshouldliketoknowwhatkindofthingflingingtheboneswas；I，however，restrainedmyself。’Thereisnothinglikeflingingthebones!’shoutedtheman，asmyfriendandmyselflefttheroom。
　　LonglifeandprosperitytoFrancisArdry!butforhimIshouldnothaveobtainedknowledgewhichIdidofthestrangeandeccentricplacesofLondon。Someoftheplacestowhichhetookmewereverystrangeplacesindeed；but，howeverstrangetheplaceswere，I
　　observedthattheinhabitantsthoughttherewerenoplacesliketheirseveralplaces，andnooccupationsliketheirseveraloccupations；andamongotherstrangeplacestowhichFrancisArdryconductedmewasaplacenotfarfromtheabbeychurchofWestminster。
　　Beforeweenteredthisplaceourearsweregreetedbyaconfusedhubbubofhumanvoices，squealingofrats，barkingofdogs，andthecriesofvariousotheranimals。Herewebeheldakindofcock-pit，aroundwhichagreatmanypeople，seemingofallranks，butchieflyofthelower，weregathered，andinitwesawadogdestroyagreatmanyratsinaverysmallperiod；andwhenthedoghaddestroyedtherats，wesawafightbetweenadogandabear，thenafightbetweentwodogs，then……
　　Afterthediversionsofthedaywereover，myfriendintroducedmetothegeniusoftheplace，asmallmanofaboutfivefeethigh，withaverysharpcountenance，anddressedinabrownjockeycoatandtopboots。’Joey，’saidhe，’thisisafriendofmine。’Joeynoddedtomewithapatronisingair。’Gladtoseeyou，sir!-wantadog？’
　　’No，’saidI。
　　’Youhavegotone，then-wanttomatchhim？’
　　’Wehaveadogathome，’saidI，’inthecountry；butIcan’tsayI
　　shouldliketomatchhim。Indeed，Idonotlikedog-fighting。’
　　’Notlikedog-fighting!’saidtheman，staring。
　　’Thetruthis，Joe，thatheisjustcometotown。’
　　’SoIshouldthink；helooksrathergreen-notlikedog-fighting!’
　　’Nothinglikeit，isthere，Joey？’
　　’Ishouldthinknot；whatislikeit？Atimewillcome，andthatspeedily，whenfolkswillgiveupeverythingelse，andfollowdog-
　　fighting。’
　　’Doyouthinkso？’saidI。
　　’Thinkso？Letmeaskwhatthereisthatamanwouldn’tgiveupforit？’
　　’Why，’saidI，modestly，’there’sreligion。’
　　’Religion!Howyoutalk。Why，there’smyselfbredandbornanIndependent，andintendedtobeapreacher，didn’tIgiveupreligionfordog-fighting？Religion，indeed!Ifitwerenotfortherascallylaw，mypitwouldfillbetteronSundaysthananyothertime。Whowouldgotochurchwhentheycouldcometomypit？
　　Religion!why，theparsonsthemselvescometomypit；andIhavenowaletterinmypocketfromoneofthem，askingmetosendhimadog。’
　　’Well，then，politics，’saidI。
　　’Politics!Why，thegemmenintheHousewouldleavePitthimself，ifhewerealive，tocometomypit。Therewerethreeofthebestofthemhereto-night，allgreathorators-Getonwithyou，whatcomesnext？’
　　’Why，there’slearningandletters。’
　　’Prettythings，truly，tokeeppeoplefromdog-fighting。Why，there’stheyounggentlemenfromtheAbbeySchoolcomeshereinshoals，leavingbooks，andletters，andmasterstoo。Totellyouthetruth，Iratherwishtheywouldmindtheirletters，foramoreprecioussetofyoungblackguardsIneverseed。ItwasonlytheotherdayIwasthinkingofcallinginaconstableformyownprotection，forIthoughtmypitwouldhavebeentorndownbythem。’
　　Scarcelyknowingwhattosay，Imadeanobservationatrandom。
　　’Youshow，byyourownconduct，’saidI，’thatthereareotherthingsworthfollowingbesidesdog-fighting。Youpractiserat-
　　catchingandbadger-baitingaswell。’
　　Thedog-fanciereyedmewithsupremecontempt。
　　’Yourfriendhere，’saidhe，’mightwellcallyouanewone。WhenItalksofdog-fighting，Iofcoursemeansrat-catching，andbadger-baiting，ay，andbull-baitingtoo，justaswhenIspeaksreligiously，whenIsaysoneImeansnotonebutthree。AndtalkingofreligionputsmeinmindthatIhavesomethingelsetodobesideschaffinghere，havingabatchofdogstosendoffbythisnight’spackettothePopeofRome。’
　　ButatlastIhadseenenoughofwhatLondonhadtoshow，whetherstrangeorcommonplace，soatleastIthought，andIceasedtoaccompanymyfriendinhisramblesabouttown，andtopartakeofhisadventures。Ourfriendship，however，stillcontinuedunabated，thoughIsaw，inconsequence，lessofhim。Ireflectedthattimewaspassingon-thatthelittlemoneyIhadbroughttotownwasfastconsuming，andthatIhadnothingtodependuponbutmyownexertionsforafreshsupply；andIreturnedwithredoubledapplicationtomypursuits。
　　CHAPTERXXXVI
　　Occupations-Traduttoretraditore-OdetotheMist-Appleandpear-Reviewing-Currentliterature-Oxford-likemanner-A
　　plainstory-Ill-regulatedmind-Unsnuffedcandle-Strangedreams。
　　ICOMPILEDtheChroniclesofNewgate；IreviewedbooksfortheReviewestablishedonanentirelynewprinciple；andIoccasionallytriedmybesttotranslateintoGermanportionsofthepublisher’sphilosophy。InthislasttaskIexperiencedmorethanonedifficulty。IwasatolerableGermanscholar，itistrue，andI
　　hadlongbeenabletotranslatefromGermanintoEnglishwithconsiderablefacility；buttotranslatefromaforeignlanguageintoyourownisawidelydifferentthingfromtranslatingfromyourownintoaforeignlanguage；and，inmyfirstattempttorenderthepublisherintoGerman，Iwasconsciousofmakingmiserablefailures，frompureignoranceofGermangrammar；however，bytheassistanceofgrammarsanddictionaries，andbyextremeperseverance，IatlengthovercameallthedifficultiesconnectedwiththeGermanlanguage。But，alas!anotherdifficultyremained，fargreaterthananyconnectedwithGerman-adifficultyconnectedwiththelanguageofthepublisher-thelanguagewhichthegreatmanemployedinhiswritingswasveryhardtounderstand；Isayinhiswritings-forhiscolloquialEnglishwasplainenough。Thoughnotprofessingtobeascholar，hewasmuchaddicted，whenwriting，totheuseofGreekandLatinterms，notasotherpeopleusedthem，butinamannerofhisown，whichsettheauthorityofdictionariesatdefiance；theconsequencewasthatIwassometimesutterlyatalosstounderstandthemeaningofthepublisher。ManyaquarterofanhourdidIpassatthisperiod，staringatperiodsofthepublisher，andwonderingwhathecouldmean，butinvain，tillatlast，withashakeofthehead，Iwouldsnatchupthepen，andrenderthepublisherliterallyintoGerman。SometimesIwasalmosttemptedtosubstitutesomethingofmyownforwhatthepublisherhadwritten，butmyconscienceinterposed；theawfulwords，Traduttoretraditore，commencedringinginmyears，andIaskedmyselfwhetherIshouldbeactinghonourablytowardsthepublisher，whohadcommittedtomethedelicatetaskoftranslatinghimintoGerman；shouldIbeactinghonourablytowardshim，inmakinghimspeakinGermaninamannerdifferentfromthatinwhichheexpressedhimselfinEnglish？No，Icouldnotreconcilesuchconductwithanyprincipleofhonour；bysubstitutingsomethingofmyowninlieuofthesemysteriouspassagesofthepublisher，I
　　mightbegivingafatalblowtohiswholesystemofphilosophy。
　　Besides，whentranslatingintoEnglish，hadItreatedforeignauthorsinthismanner？HadItreatedtheminstrelsoftheKaempeViserinthismanner？-No。HadItreatedAbGwilyminthismanner？EvenwhentranslatinghisOdetotheMist，inwhichheismistyenough，hadIattemptedtomakeAbGwilymlessmisty？No；onreferringtomytranslation，IfoundthatAbGwilyminmyhandswasquiteasmistyasinhisown。Then，seeingthatIhadnotventuredtotakelibertieswithpeoplewhohadneverputthemselvesintomyhandsforthepurposeofbeingrendered，howcouldIventuretosubstitutemyownthoughtsandideasforthepublisher’s，whohadputhimselfintomyhandsforthatpurpose？Forbiditeveryproperfeeling!-soItoldtheGermans，inthepublisher’sownway，thepublisher’staleofanappleandapear。
　　Iatfirstfeltmuchinclinedtobeofthepublisher’sopinionwithrespecttothetheoryofthepear。Afterall，whyshouldtheearthbeshapedlikeanapple，andnotlikeapear？-itwouldcertainlygaininappearancebybeingshapedlikeapear。Apearbeingahandsomerfruitthananapple，thepublisherisprobablyright，thoughtI，andIwillsaythatheisrightonthispointinthenoticewhichIamabouttowriteofhispublicationfortheReview。
　　AndyetIdon’tknow-saidI，afteralongfitofmusing-Idon’tknowbutwhatthereismoretobesaidfortheOxfordtheory。Theworldmaybeshapedlikeapear，butIdon’tknowthatitis；butonethingIknow，whichis，thatitdoesnottastelikeapear；I
　　havealwayslikedpears，butIdon’tliketheworld。Theworldtometastesmuchmorelikeanapple，andIhaveneverlikedapples。
　　IwillupholdtheOxfordtheory-besides，IamwritinginanOxfordReview，andamindutyboundtoupholdtheOxfordtheory。
　　SoinmynoticeIassertedthattheworldwasround；IquotedScripture，andendeavouredtoprovethattheworldwastypifiedbytheappleinScripture，bothastoshapeandproperties。’Anappleisround，’saidI，’andtheworldisround-theappleisasour，disagreeablefruit；andwhohastastedmuchoftheworldwithouthavinghisteethsetonedge？’I，however，treatedthepublisher，uponthewhole，inthemosturbaneandOxford-likemanner；