’Idon’tcarewhattheproverbsays，’saidBelle；’Isaymybloodisthebest-mynameisBerners，IsopelBerners-itwasmymother’sname，andisbetter，Iamsure，thananyyoubear，whateverthatmaybe；andthoughyousaythatthedescentonthefatherssideistheprincipalthing-andIknowwhyyousayso，’
　　sheaddedwithsomeexcitement-’Isaythatdescentonthemother’ssideisofmostaccount，becausethemother-’
　　’JustcomefromGretnaGreen，andalreadyquarrelling!’saidthepostilion。
　　’WedonotcomefromGretnaGreen，’saidBelle。
　　’Ah，Ihadforgot，’saidthepostilion；’nonebutgreatpeoplegotoGretnaGreen。Well，then，fromchurch，andalreadyquarrellingaboutfamily，justliketwogreatpeople。’
　　’Wehaveneverbeentochurch，’saidBelle；’andtopreventanymoreguessingonyourpart，itwillbeaswellformetotellyou，friend，thatIamnothingtotheyoungman，andhe，ofcourse，nothingtome。Iamapoortravellinggirl，borninaworkhouse：
　　journeyingonmyoccasionswithcertaincompanions，Icametothishollow，wheremycompanyquarrelledwiththeyoungman，whohadsettleddownhere，ashehadarighttodoifhepleased；andnotbeingabletodrivehimout，theywentawayafterquarrellingwithme，too，fornotchoosingtosidewiththem；soIstayedherealongwiththeyoungman，therebeingroomforusboth，andtheplacebeingasfreetomeastohim。’
　　’Andinorderthatyoumaybenolongerpuzzledwithrespecttomyself，’saidI；’Iwillgiveyouabriefoutlineofmyhistory。I
　　amthesonofhonourableparents，whogavemeafirst-rateeducation，asfarasliteratureandlanguageswent，withwhicheducationIendeavoured，onthedeathofmyfather，toadvancemyselftowealthandreputationinthebigcity；butfailingintheattempt，Iconceivedadisgustforthebusyworld，anddeterminedtoretirefromit。Afterwanderingaboutforsometime，andmeetingwithvariousadventures，inoneofwhichIcontrivedtoobtainapony，cart，andcertaintoolsusedbysmithsandtinkers，Icametothisplace，whereIamusedmyselfwithmakinghorse-
　　shoes，orratherpony-shoes，havingacquiredtheartofwieldingthehammerandtongsfromastrangekindofsmith-nothimofGretnaGreen-whomIknewinmychildhood。AndhereIlived，doingharmtonoone，quitelonelyandsolitary，tillonefinemorningthepremiseswerevisitedbythisyounggentlewomanandhercompanions。Shedidherselfanythingbutjusticewhenshesaidthathercompanionsquarrelledwithherbecauseshewouldnotsidewiththemagainstme；theyquarrelledwithherbecauseshecamemostheroicallytomyassistanceasIwasonthepointofbeingmurdered；andsheforgottotellyouthat，aftertheyhadabandonedher，shestoodbymeinthe-darkhour，comfortingandcheeringme，whenunspeakabledread，towhichIamoccasionallysubject，tookpossessionofmymind。Shesayssheisnothingtome，evenasIamnothingtoher。Iamofcoursenothingtoher，butsheismistakeninthinkingsheisnothingtome。Ientertainthehighestregardandadmirationforher，beingconvincedthatImightsearchthewholeworldinvainforanaturemoreheroicanddevoted。’
　　’Andformypart，’saidBelle，withasob，’amorequietagreeablepartnerinaplacelikethisIwouldnotwishtohave；itistruehehasstrangeways，andfrequentlyputswordsintomymouthverydifficulttoutter，but-but-’andheresheburiedherfaceoncemoreinherhands。
　　’Well，’saidthepostilion，’Ihavebeenmistakenaboutyou；thatis，notaltogether，butinpart。Youarenotrichfolks，itseems，butyouarenotcommonpeople，andthatIcouldhavesworn。WhatI
　　callashameis，thatsomepeopleIhaveknownarenotinyourplaceandyouintheirs，youwiththeirestatesandboroughinterest，theyinthisdinglewiththesecartsandanimals；butthereisnohelpforthesethings。WereIthegreatMumboJumboabove，Iwouldendeavourtomanagemattersbetter；butbeingasimplepostilion，gladtoearnthreeshillingsaday，Ican’tbeexpectedtodomuch。’
　　’WhoisMumboJumbo？’saidI。
　　’Ah!’saidthepostilion，’IseetheremaybeathingortwoIknowbetterthanyourself。MumboJumboisagodoftheblackcoast，towhichpeoplegoforivoryandgold。’
　　’Wereyoueverthere？’Idemanded。
　　’No，’saidthepostilion，’butIheardplentyofMumboJumbowhenI
　　wasaboy。’
　　’Iwishyouwouldtellussomethingaboutyourself。Ibelievethatyourownrealhistorywouldprovequiteasentertaining，ifnotmore，thanthatwhichyouimaginedaboutus。’
　　’Iamrathertired，’saidthepostilion，’andmylegisrathertroublesome。Ishouldbegladtotrytosleepupononeofyourblankets。However，asyouwishtohearsomethingaboutme，Ishallbehappytoobligeyou；butyourfireisratherlow，andthisplaceischilly。’
　　ThereuponIarose，andputfreshcharcoalonthepan；thentakingitoutsidethetent，withakindoffanwhichIhadfashioned，I
　　fannedthecoalsintoaredglow，andcontinueddoingsountilthegreaterpartofthenoxiousgas，whichthecoalsareinthehabitofexhaling，wasexhausted。Ithenbroughtitintothetentandreseatedmyself，scatteringoverthecoalsasmallportionofsugar。’Nobadsmell，’saidthepostilion；’butuponthewholeI
　　thinkIlikethesmelloftobaccobetter；andwithyourpermissionIwilloncemorelightmypipe。’
　　Thereuponherelightedhispipe；and，aftertakingtwoorthreewhiffs，beganinthefollowingmanner。
　　CHAPTERXCVIII
　　Anexordium-Fineships-HighBarbarycaptains-Free-bornEnglishmen-Monstrousfigure-Swashbuckler-Thegrandcoaches-
　　Thefootmen-Atravellingexpedition-BlackJack-Nelson’scannon-Pharaoh’sbutler-Adiligence-Twopassengers-Sharkingpriest-Virgilio-LessonsinItalian-Twoopinions-HolyMary-
　　Priestlyconfederates-Methodistchapel-Veturini-Someofourparty-Likeasepulchre-Allforthemselves。
　　’IAMapoorpostilion，asyousee；yet，asIhaveseenathingortwoandheardathingortwoofwhatisgoingonintheworld，perhapswhatIhavetotellyouconnectedwithmyselfmaynotprovealtogetheruninteresting。Now，myfriends，thismannerofopeningastoryiswhatthemanwhotaughtrhetoricwouldcallahex-hex-’
　　’Exordium，’saidI。
　　’Justso，’saidthepostilion；’Itreatedyoutoaper-per-
　　perorationsometimeago，sothatIhavecontrivedtoputthecartbeforethehorse，astheIrishoratorsfrequentlydointhehonourableHouse，inwhosespeeches，especiallythosewhohavetakenlessonsinrhetoric，theper-per-what’stheword？-
　　frequentlygoesbeforetheexordium。
　　’Iwasbornintheneighbouringcounty；myfatherwasland-stewardtoasquireofaboutathousandayear。Myfatherhadtwosons，ofwhomIamtheyoungestbysomeyears。Myelderbrotherwasofaspiritedrovingdisposition，andforfearthatheshouldturnoutwhatisgenerallytermedungain，myfatherdeterminedtosendhimtosea：soonceuponatime，whenmybrotherwasaboutfifteen，hetookhimtothegreatseaportofthecounty，whereheapprenticedhimtoacaptainofoneoftheshipswhichtradetothehighBarbarycoast。Fineshipstheywere，Ihaveheardsay，morethanthirtyinnumber，andallbelongingtoawonderfulgreatgentleman，whohadoncebeenaparishboy，buthadcontrivedtomakeanimmensefortunebytradingtothatcoastforgold-dust，ivory，andotherstrangearticles；andfordoingso，Imeanformakingafortune，hadbeenmadeaknightbaronet。SomybrotherwenttothehighBarbaryshore，onboardthefinevessel，andinaboutayearreturnedandcametovisitus；herepeatedthevoyageseveraltimes，alwayscomingtoseehisparentsonhisreturn。StrangestoriesheusedtotellusofwhathehadbeenwitnesstoonthehighBarbarycoast，bothoffshoreandon。Hesaidthatthefinevesselinwhichhesailedwasnothingbetterthanapaintedhell；
　　thatthecaptainwasaveritablefiend，whosegranddelightwasintormentinghismen，especiallywhentheyweresick，astheyfrequentlywere，therebeingalwaysfeveronthehighBarbarycoast；andthatthoughthecaptainwasoccasionallysickhimself，hisbeingsomadenodifference，orratheritdidmakeadifference，thoughfortheworse，hebeingwhensickalwaysmoreinveterateandmalignantthanatothertimes。Hesaidthatonce，whenhehimselfwassick，hiscaptainhadpitchedhisfaceallover，whichexploitwasmuchapplaudedbytheotherhighBarbarycaptains-allofwhom，fromwhatmybrothersaid，appearedtobeofmuchthesamedispositionasmybrother’scaptain，takingwonderfuldelightintormentingthecrews，anddoingallmannerofterriblethings。Mybrotherfrequentlysaidthatnothingwhateverpreventedhimfromrunningawayfromhisship，andneverreturning，butthehopeheentertainedofonedaybeingcaptainhimself，andabletotormentpeopleinhisturn，whichhesolemnlyvowedhewoulddo，asakindofcompensationforwhathehimselfhadundergone。AndifthingsweregoingoninastrangewayoffthehighBarbaryshoreamongstthosewhocametheretotrade，theyweregoingoninawayyetstrangerwiththepeoplewholiveduponit。
　　’Ohthestrangewaysoftheblackmenwholivedonthatshore，ofwhichmybrotherusedtotellusathome-sellingtheirsons，daughters，andservantsforslaves，andtheprisonerstakeninbattle，totheSpanishcaptains，tobecarriedtoHavannah，andwhenthere，soldataprofit，theideaofwhich，mybrothersaid，wenttotheheartsofourowncaptains，whousedtosaywhatahardthingitwasthatfree-bornEnglishmencouldnothaveahandinthetraffic，seeingthatitwasforbiddenbythelawsoftheircountry；
　　talkingfondlyofthegoodoldtimeswhentheirforefathersusedtocarryslavestoJamaicaandBarbadoes，realisingimmenseprofit，besidesthepleasureofhearingtheirshrieksonthevoyage；andthenthesuperstitionsoftheblacks，whichmybrotherusedtotalkof；theirsharks’teeth，theirwispsoffowls’feathers，theirhalf-bakedpotsfullofburntbones，ofwhichtheyusedtomakewhattheycalledfetish，andbowdownto，andaskfavoursof，andthen，perhaps，abuseandstrike，providedthesenselessrubbishdidnotgivethemwhattheyaskedfor；andthen，aboveall，MumboJumbo，thegrandfetishmaster，wholivedsomewhereinthewoods，andwhousedtocomeouteverynowandthenwithhisfetishcompanions；amonstrousfigure，allwoundroundwithleavesandbranches，soastobequiteindistinguishable，and，seatinghimselfonthehighseatinthevillages，receivehomagefromthepeople，andalsogiftsandofferings，themostvaluableofwhichwereprettydamsels，andthenbetakehimselfbackagain，withhisfollowers，intothewoods。OhthetalesthatmybrotherusedtotellusofthehighBarbaryshore!Poorfellow!whatbecameofhimIcan’tsay；thelasttimehecamebackfromavoyage，hetoldusthathiscaptain，assoonashehadbroughthisvesseltoportandsettledwithhisowner，drownedhimselfoffthequay，inafitofthehorrors，whichitseemshighBarbarycaptains，afteracertainnumberofyears，aremuchsubjectto。Afterstayingaboutamonthwithus，hewenttoseaagain，withanothercaptain；and，badastheoldonehadbeen，itappearsthenewonewasworse，for，unabletobearhistreatment，mybrotherlefthisshipoffthehighBarbaryshore，andranawayupthecountry。Someofhiscomrades，whomweafterwardssaw，saidthattherewerevariousreportsabouthimontheshore；onethathehadtakenonwithMumboJumbo，andwasservinghiminhishouseinthewoods，inthecapacityofswashbuckler，orlife-guardsman；another，thathewasgoneinquestofamightycityintheheartofthenegrocountry；another，thatinswimmingastreamhehadbeendevouredbyanalligator。Now，thesetwolastreportswerebadenough；theideaoftheirfleshandbloodbeingbitasunderbyaravenousfishwassadenoughtomypoorparents；andnotverycomfortablewasthethoughtofhisswelteringoverthehotsandsinquestofthenegrocity；buttheideaoftheirson，theireldestchild，servingMumboJumboasswashbucklerwasworstofall，andcausedmypoorparentstoshedmanyascaldingtear。