Dostthouknowwhereheis,thoubadhussy,withthygreatblueeyesandyellowhair,toleadmenontoruin?Outupontheewiththyangel’sface,thouwhitedsepulchre!DostthouknowwhereJemis,allthroughthee?““No!“quiveredoutpoorMary,scarcelyconsciousthatshespoke,sodaunted,soterrifiedwasshebytheindignantmother’sgreeting。“He’slyinginth’NewBailey,“slowlyanddistinctlyspokethemother,watchingtheeffectofherwords,asifbelievingintheirinfinitepowertopain。“Therehelies,waitingtotakehistrialformurderingyoungMrCarson。“Noanswer;butsuchablanchedface,suchwild,distendedeyes,suchtremblinglimbs,instinctivelyseekingsupport!“DidyouknowMrCarsonasnowliesdead?“continuedthemercilesswoman。
“Folksayyoudid,andknewhimbuttoowell。Andthatforthesakeofsuchasyou,mypreciouschildshotyonchap。Buthedidnot。Iknowhedidnot。Theymayhanghim,buthismotherwillspeaktohisinnocencewithherlastdyingbreath。“Shestoppedmorefromexhaustionthanwantofwords。Maryspoke,butinsochangedandchokedavoicethattheoldwomanalmoststarted。Itseemedasifsomethirdpersonmustbeintheroom,thevoicewassohoarseandstrange。“Pleasesayitagain。Idon’tquiteunderstandyou。WhathasJemdone?
Pleasetotellme。““Ineversaidhehaddoneit。Isaid,andI’llswearthatheneverdiddoit。Idon’tcarewhoheard’emquarrel,orifitishisgunaswerefoundnearthebody。It’snotmyownJemaswouldgofortokillanyman,choosehowagirlhadjiltedhim。MyowngoodJem,aswasablessingsentuponthehousewherehewasborn。“Tearscameintothemother’sburningeyesasherheartrecurredtothedayswhenshehadrockedthecradleof“herfirst-born“;andthen,rapidlypassingoverevents,tillthefullconsciousnessofhispresentSituationcameuponher,andperhapsannoyedathavingshownanysoftnessofcharacterinthepresenceoftheDelilahwhohadluredhimtohisdanger,shespokeagain,andinasharpertone。“Itoldhim,andtoldhimtoleaveoffthinkingonthee;buthewouldn’tbeledbyme。Thee!wench!thouwerenotgoodenoughtowipethedustoffhisfeet。Avile,flirtingqueanasthouart。It’swellthymotherdoesnotknowpoorbodywhatagood-for-nothingthouart。““Mother!ohmother!“saidMary,asifappealingtothemercifuldead。“ButIwasnotgoodenoughforhim!IknowIwasnot,“addedshe,inavoiceoftouchinghumility。Forthroughherheartwenttollingtheominous,propheticwordshehadusedwhenbehadlastspokentoher:“Mary!you’llmaybehearofmeasadrunkard,andmaybeasathief;andmaybeasamurderer。Remember!whenallarespeakingillofme,youwillhavenorighttoblameme,forit’syourcrueltythatwillhavemademewhatIfeelIshallbecome。“Andshedidnotblamehim,thoughshedoubtednothisguilt;shefelthowmadlyshemightactifoncejealousofhim,andhowmuchcausehadshenotgivenhimforjealousy,miserableguiltywretchthatshewas!Speakon,desolatemother。Abuseherasyouwill。Herbrokenspiritfeelstohavemeritedall。Butherlasthumble,self-abasedwordshadtouchedMrsWilson’sheart,soreasitwas;andshelookedatthesnow-palegirlwiththosepiteouseyes,sohopelessofcomfort,andsherelentedinspiteofherself。“Thouseestwhatcomesoflightconduct,Mary!It’sthydoingthatsuspicionhaslightedonhim,whoisasinnocentasthebabeunborn。Thou’lthavemuchtoanswerforifhe’shung。Thou’lthavemydeathtooatthydoor!“Harshasthesewordsseem,shespoketheminamildertoneofvoicethanshehadyetused。ButtheideaofJemonthegallows,Jemdead,tookpossessionofMary,andshecoveredhereyeswithherwanhands,asifindeedtoshutoutthefearfulsight。Shemurmuredsomewords,which,thoughspokenlow,asifchokedupfromthedepthsofagony,JaneWilsoncaught。“Myheartisbreaking,“saidshe,feebly。“Myheartisbreaking。““Nonsense!“saidMrsWilson。“Don’ttalkinthatsillyway。Myhearthasabetterrighttobreakthanyours,andyetIholdup,yousee。But,ohdear!ohdear!“withasuddenrevulsionoffeeling,astherealityofthedangerinwhichhersonwasplacedpresseduponher。“WhatamIsaying?
HowcouldIholdupifthouwertgone,Jem?ThoughI’massureasIstandhereofthyinnocence,iftheyhangthee,mylad,Iwillliedownanddie!“Sheweptaloudwithbitterconsciousnessofthefearfulchanceawaitingherchild。Shecriedmorepassionatelystill。Maryrousedherselfup。“Oh,letmestaywithyou,atanyrate,tillweknowtheend。DearestMrsWilson,mayn’tIstay?“ThemoreobstinatelyandupbraidinglyMrsWilsonrefused,themoreMarypleaded,witheverthesamesoftentreatingcry,“Letmestaywithyou。“
Herstunnedsoulseemedtobounditswishes,forthehouratleast,toremainingwithonewholovedandsorrowedforthesamehumanbeingthatshedid。Butno。MrsWilsonwasinflexible。“I’vemaybebeenabithardonyou,Mary,I’llownthat。ButIcannotabideyouyetwithme。Icannotbutrememberit’syourgiddinessashaswroughtthiswoe。I’llstaywithAlice,andperhapsMrsDavenportmaycomehelpabit。Icannotputupwithyouaboutme。Goodnight。To-morrowImaylookonyoudifferent,maybe。Goodnight。“AndMaryturnedoutofthehouse,whichbadbeenhishome,wherehewasloved,andmournedfor,intothebusy,desolate,crowdedstreet,wheretheywerecryinghalfpennybroadsides,givinganaccountofthebloodymurder,thecoroner’sinquest,andaraw-head-and-bloody-bonespictureofthesuspectedmurderer,JamesWilson。ButMaryheardnot;sheheedednot。Shestaggeredonlikeoneinadream。
Withhungheadandtotteringsteps,sheinstinctivelychosetheshortestcuttothathomewhichwastoher,inherpresentstateofmind,onlythehiding-placeoffour-walls,whereshemightventheragony,unseenandunnoticedbythekeenunkindworldwithout,butwherenowelcome,nolove,nosympathizingtearsawaitedher。Asshenearedthathome,withintwominutes’walkofit,herimpetuouscoursewasarrestedbyalighttouchonherarm,andturninghastily,shesawalittleItalianboy,withhishumbleshow-box,——awhitemouse,orsomesuchthing。Thesettingsuncastitsredglowonhisface,otherwisetheolivecomplexionwouldhavebeenverypale;andtheglitteringtear-dropshungonthelongcurledeyelashes。Withhissoftvoice,andpleadinglooks,heuttered,inhisprettybrokenEnglish,theword——“Hungry!sohungry。“Andasiftoaidbygesturetheeffectofthesolitaryword,hepointedtohismouth,withitswhitequiveringlips。Maryansweredhimimpatiently,“Oh,lad,hungerisnothing——nothing!“Andsherapidlypassedon。Butherheartupbraidedherthenextminutewithherunrelentingspeech,andshehastilyenteredherdoorandseizedthescantyremnantoffoodwhichthecupboardcontained,andsheretracedherstepstotheplacewherethelittlehopelessstrangerhadsunkdownbyhismutecompanioninlonelinessandstarvation,andwasrainingdowntearsashespokeinsomeforeigntongue,withlowcriesforthefardistant“Mammamia!“Withtheelasticityofheartbelongingtochildhoodhesprangupashesawthefoodthegirlbrought;shewhoseface,lovelyinitswoe,hadtemptedhimfirsttoaddressher;and,withthegracefulcourtesyofhiscountry,helookedupandsmiledwhilehekissedherhand,andthenpouredforthhisthanks,andsharedherbountywithhislittlepetcompanion。Shestoodaninstant,divertedfromthethoughtofherowngriefbythesightofhisinfantinegladness;andthenbendingdownandkissinghissmoothforehead,shelefthim。andsoughttobealonewithheragonyoncemore。Shere-enteredthehouse,lockedthedoor,andtoreoffherbonnet,asifgreedyofeverymomentwhichtookherfromthefullindulgenceofpainful,despairingthought。Thenshethrewherselfontheground,yes,onthehardflagsshethrewhersoftlimbsdown;andthecombfelloutofherhair,andthosebrighttressessweptthedustyfloor,whileshepillowedandhidherfaceonherarms,andburstforthintohard,suffocatingsobs。Oh,earth!thoudidstseembutadrearydwelling-placeforthypoorchildthatnight。Nonetocomfort,nonetopity!Andself-reproachgnawingatherheart。Oh,whydidsheeverlistentothetempter?Whydidsheevergiveeartoherownsuggestions,andcravingsafterwealthandgrandeur?Whyhadshethoughtitafinethingtohavearichlover?She——shehaddeserveditall;buthewasthevictim,——he,thebeloved。
Shecouldnotconjecture,shecouldnotevenpausetothinkwhohadrevealed,orhowhehaddiscoveredheracquaintancewithHarryCarson。Itwasbuttooclear,somewayoranother,hehadlearntall;andwhatwouldhethinkofher?Nohopeofhislove,——oh,thatshewouldgiveup,andbecontent;
itwashislife,hispreciouslife,thatwasthreatened!Thenshetriedtorecalltheparticulars,which,whenMrsWilsonhadgiventhem,hadfallenbutuponadeafenedear,——somethingaboutagun,aquarrel,whichshecouldnotrememberclearly。Oh,howterribletothinkofhiscrime,hisblood-guiltiness;
hewhohadhithertobeensogood,sonoble,andnowanassassin!Andthensheshrankfromhiminthought;andthen,withbitterremorse,clungmorecloselytohisimagewithpassionateself-upbraiding。Wasitnotshewhohadledhimtothepitintowhichhehadfallen?Wasshetoblamehim?
Shetojudgehim?Whocouldtellhowmaddenedhemighthavebeenbyjealousy;
howonemoment’suncontrollablepassionmighthaveledhimtobecomeamurderer?Andshehadblamedhiminherheartafterhislastdeprecating,imploring,propheticspeech!Thensheburstoutcryingafresh;andwhenwearyofcrying,felltothinkingagain。Thegallows!Thegallows!Blacktheystoodagainsttheburninglightwhichdazzledhershuteyes,pressonthemasshewould。Oh!shewasgoingmad;andforawhileshelayoutwardlystill,butwiththepulsescareeringthroughherheadwithwildvehemence。Andthencameastrangeforgetfulnessofthepresentinthoughtofthelong-pasttimes;——ofthosedayswhenshehidherfaceonhermother’spitying,lovingbosomandheardtenderwordsofcomfort,behergrieforhererrorwhatitmight;——ofthosedayswhenshehadfeltasifhermother’slovewastoomightynottolastforever;——ofthosedayswhenhungerhadbeentoherastothelittlestrangershehadthateveningrelievedsomethingtobethoughtabout,andmournedover;——whenJemandshehadplayedtogether;
he,withthecondescensionofanolderchild,andshe,withunconsciousearnestness,believingthathewasasmuchgratifiedwithimportanttriflesasshewas;——whenherfatherwasacheery-heartedman,richintheloveofhiswife,andthecompanionshipofhisfriend;——whenforitstillworkedroundtothat,whenmotherwasalive,andhewasnotamurderer。AndthenHeavenblessedherunaware,andshesankfromrememberingtowandering,unconnectedthought,andthencetosleep。Yes!itwassleep,thoughinthatstrangeposture,onthathardcoldbed;andshedreamtofthehappytimesoflongago,andhermothercametoher,andkissedherasshelay,andoncemorethedeadwerealiveagaininthathappyworldofdreams。
Allwasrestoredtothegladnessofchildhood,eventothelittlekittenwhichhadbeenherplaymateandbosomfriendthen,andwhichhadbeenlongforgotteninherwakinghours。Allthelovedoneswerethere!Shesuddenlywakened!Clearandwideawake!Somenoisehadstartledherfromsleep。Shesatup,andputherhairstillwetWithtearsbackfromherflushedcheeks,andlistened。Atfirstshecouldonlyhearherbeatingheart。Allwasstillwithout,foritwasaftermidnight,suchhoursofagonyhadpassedaway;butthemoonshoneclearlyinattheunshutteredwindow,makingtheroomalmostaslightasday,initscoldghastlyradiance。
Therewasalowknockatthedoor!AstrangefeelingcreptoverMary’sheart,asitsomethingspiritualwerenear;asifthedead,solatelypresentinherdreams,wereyetglidingandhoveringroundher,withtheirdim,dreadforms。Andyet,whydread?Hadtheynotlovedher?——andwholovedhernow?Wasshenotlonelyenoughtowelcomethespiritsofthedead,whohadlovedherwhilehere?Ifhermotherhadconsciousbeing,herloveforherchildendured。Soshequietedherfears,andlistened——listenedstill。“Mary!Mary!openthedoor!“asalittlemovementonherpartseemedtotellthebeingoutsideofherwakeful,watchfulstate。Theyweretheaccentsofhermother’svoice;theverysouth-countrypronunciation,thatMarysowellremembered;andwhichshehadsometimestriedtoimitatewhenalone,withthefondmimicryofaffection。So,withoutfear,withouthesitation,sheroseandunbarredthedoor。There,againstthemoonlight,stoodaform,socloselyresemblingherdeadmother,thatMaryneverdoubtedtheidentity,butexclaimingasifshewereaterrifiedchild,secureofsafetywhenneartheprotectingcareofitsparent——“Ohmother!mother!Youarecomeatlast?“shethrewherself,orratherfell,intothetremblingarmsofherlong-lost,unrecognizedAuntEsther。
第38章