Hesat,withhiselbowsonhisknees,smokingandthinking。
Beforelongtherestlessnessthathadgotpossessionofhimforcedhimtohisfeetagain。Herose,andpacedroundandroundthestripofgreenswardunderthewalnut-tree,likeawildbeastinacage。
Whatwasthemeaningofthisdisturbanceintheinnerman?Nowthathehadcommittedhimselftothebetrayalofthefriendwhohadtrustedandservedhim,washetornbyremorse?
Hewasnomoretornbyremorsethanyouarewhileyoureyeispassingoverthissentence。Hewassimplyinaragingfeverofimpatiencetoseehimselfsafelylandedattheendwhichhehadinview。
Whyshouldhefeelremorse?Allremorsesprings,moreorlessdirectly,fromtheactionoftwosentiments,whichareneitheroftheminbredinthenaturalman。Thefirstofthesesentimentsistheproductoftherespectwhichwelearntofeelforourselves。
Thesecondistheproductoftherespectwhichwelearntofeelforothers。Intheirhighestmanifestations,thesetwofeelingsexaltthemselves,untilthefirsthecomestheloveofGod,andthesecondtheloveofMan。Ihaveinjuredyou,andIrepentofitwhenitisdone。WhyshouldIrepentofitifIhavegainedsomethingbyitformyownselfandifyoucan’tmakemefeelitbyinjuringMe?IrepentofitbecausetherehasbeenasenseputintomewhichtellsmethatIhavesinnedagainstMyself,andsinnedagainstYou。Nosuchsenseasthatexistsamongtheinstinctsofthenaturalman。AndnosuchfeelingsasthesetroubledGeoffreyDelamayn;forGeoffreyDelamaynwasthenaturalman。
Whentheideaofhisschemehadsprungtolifeinhismind,thenoveltyofithadstartledhim——theenormousdaringofit,suddenlyself-revealed,haddauntedhim。Thesignsofemotionwhichhehadbetrayedatthewriting-tableinthelibrarywerethesignsofmerementalperturbation,andofnothingmore。
Thatfirstvividimpressionpast,theideahadmadeitselffamiliartohim。Hehadbecomecomposedenoughtoseesuchdifficultiesasitinvolved,andsuchconsequencesasitimplied。
Thesehadfrettedhimwithapassingtrouble;fortheseheplainlydiscerned。Asforthecrueltyandthetreacheryofthethinghemeditateddoing——thatconsiderationnevercrossedthelimitsofhismentalview。Hispositiontowardthemanwhoselifehehadpreservedwasthepositionofadog。The“nobleanimal“
whohassavedyouormefromdrowningwillflyatyourthroatormine,undercertainconditions,tenminutesafterward。Addtothedog’sunreasoninginstinctthecalculatingcunningofaman;
supposeyourselftobeinapositiontosayofsometriflingthing,“Curious!atsuchandsuchatimeIhappenedtopickupsuchandsuchanobject;andnowitturnsouttobeofsomeusetome!“——andthereyouhaveanindextothestateofGeoffrey’sfeelingtowardhisfriendwhenherecalledthepastorwhenhecontemplatedthefuture。WhenArnoldhadspokentohimatthecriticalmoment,Arnoldhadviolentlyirritatedhim;andthatwasall。
Thesameimpenetrableinsensibility,thesameprimitivelynaturalconditionofthemoralbeing,preventedhimfrombeingtroubledbytheslightestsenseofpityforAnne。“She’soutofmyway!“
washisfirstthought。“She’sprovidedfor,withoutanytroubletoMe!washissecond。Hewasnotintheleastuneasyabouther。
Nottheslightestdoubtcrossedhismindthat,whenonceshehadrealizedherownsituation,whenonceshesawherselfplacedbetweenthetwoalternativesoffacingherownruinorofclaimingArnoldasalastresource,shewouldclaimArnold。Shewoulddoitasamatterofcourse;because_he_wouldhavedoneitinherplace。
Buthewanteditover。Hewaswild,ashepacedroundandroundthewalnut-tree,tohurryonthecrisisandbedonewithit。Givememyfreedomtogototheotherwoman,andtotrainforthefoot-race——that’swhatIwant。_They_injured?Confusiontothemboth!It’sIwhoaminjuredbythem。TheyaretheworstenemiesI
have!Theystandinmyway。
Howtoberidofthem?Therewasthedifficulty。Hehadmadeuphismindtoberidofthemthatday。Howwashetobegin?
TherewasnopickingaquarrelwithArnold,andsobeginningwith_him。_Thiscourseofproceeding,inArnold’spositiontowardBlanche,wouldleadtoascandalattheoutset——ascandalwhichwouldstandinthewayofhismakingtherightimpressiononMrs。
Glenarm。Thewoman——lonelyandfriendless,withhersexandherpositionbothagainstherif_she_triedtomakeascandalofit——thewomanwastheonetobeginwith。SettleitatonceandforeverwithAnne;andleaveArnoldtohearofitanddealwithit,soonerorlater,nomatterwhich。
Howwashetobreakittoherbeforethedaywasout?
BygoingtotheinnandopenlyaddressinghertoherfaceasMrs。
ArnoldBrinkworth?No!Hehadhadenough,atWindygates,ofmeetingherfacetoface。Theeasywaywastowritetoher,andsendtheletter,bythefirstmessengerhecouldfind,totheinn。ShemightappearafterwardatWindygates;shemightfollowhimtohisbrother’s;shemightappealtohisfather。Itdidn’tmatter;hehadgotthewhip-handofhernow。“Youareamarriedwoman。“Therewastheonesufficientanswer,whichwasstrongenoughtobackhimindenyinganything!
Hemadeouttheletterinhisownmind。“Somethinglikethiswoulddo,“hethought,ashewentroundandroundthewalnut-tree:“Youmaybesurprisednottohaveseenme。Youhaveonlyyourselftothankforit。Iknowwhattookplacebetweenyouandhimattheinn。Ihavehadalawyer’sadvice。YouareArnoldBrinkworth’swife。Iwishyoujoy,andgood-byforever。“Addressthoselines:“ToMrs。ArnoldBrinkworth;“instructthemessengertoleavetheletterlatethatnight,withoutwaitingforananswer;startthefirstthingthenextmorningforhisbrother’shouse;andbehold,itwasdone!
Butevenheretherewasanobstacle——onelastexasperatingobstacle——stillintheway。
Ifshewasknownattheinnbyanynameatall,itwasbythenameofMrs。Silvester。Aletteraddressedto“Mrs。ArnoldBrinkworth“wouldprobablynotbetakeninatthedoor;orifitwasadmitted。andifitwasactuallyofferedtoher,shemightdeclinetoreceiveit,asaletternotaddressedtoherself。A
manofreadiermentalresourceswouldhaveseenthatthenameontheoutsideofthelettermatteredlittleornothing,solongasthecontentswerereadbythepersontowhomtheywereaddressed。
ButGeoffrey’swastheorderofmindwhichexpressesdisturbancebyattachingimportancetotrifles。Heattachedanabsurdimportancetopreservingabsoluteconsistencyinhisletter,outsideandin。IfhedeclaredhertobeArnoldBrinkworth’swife,hemustdirecttoherasArnoldBrinkworth’swife;orwhocouldtellwhatthelawmightsay,orwhatscrapehemightnotgethimselfintobyamerescratchofthepen!Themorehethoughtofit,themorepersuadedhefeltofhisownclevernesshere,andthehotterandtheangrierhegrew。
Thereisawayoutofeverything。Andtherewassurelyawayoutofthis,ifhecouldonlyseeit。
Hefailedtoseeit。Afterdealingwithallthegreatdifficulties,thesmalldifficultyprovedtoomuchforhim。Itstruckhimthathemighthavebeenthinkingtoolongaboutit——consideringthathewasnotaccustomedtothinkinglongaboutanything。Besides,hisheadwasgettinggiddy,withgoingmechanicallyroundandroundthetree。Heirritablyturnedhisbackonthetreeandstruckintoanotherpath:resolvedtothinkofsomethingelse,andthentoreturntohisdifficulty,andseeitwithaneweye。
Leavinghisthoughtsfreetowanderwheretheyliked,histhoughtsnaturallybusiedthemselveswiththenextsubjectthatwasuppermostinhismind,thesubjectoftheFoot-Race。Inaweek’stimehisarrangementsoughttobemade。Now,astothetraining,first。
Hedecidedonemployingtwotrainersthistime。OnetotraveltoScotland,andbeginwithhimathisbrother’shouse。Theothertotakehimup,withafresheyetohim,onhisreturntoLondon。Heturnedoverinhismindtheperformancesoftheformidablerivalagainstwhomhewastobematched。Thatothermanwastheswiftestrunnerofthetwo。ThebettinginGeoffrey’sfavorwasbettingwhichcalculatedontheunparalleledlengthoftherace,andonGeoffrey’sprodigiouspowersofendurance。Howlongheshould“waiton“theman?Whereaboutsitwouldbesafeto“pickthemanup?“Howneartheendtocalculatetheman’sexhaustiontoanicety,and“putonthespurt,“andpasshim?Thesewerenicepointstodecide。Thedeliberationsofapedestrian-privy-councilwouldberequiredtohelphimunderthisheavyresponsibility。Whatmencouldhetrust?HecouldtrustA。
andB——bothofthemauthorities:bothofthemstanch。QueryaboutC。?Asanauthority,unexceptionable;asaman,doubtful。
TheproblemrelatingtoC。broughthimtoastandstill——anddeclinedtobesolved,eventhen。Nevermind!hecouldalwaystaketheadviceofA。andB。InthemeantimedevoteC。totheinfernalregions;and,thusdismissinghim,tryandthinkofsomethingelse。Whatelse?Mrs。Glenarm?Oh,botherthewomen!
oneofthemisthesameasanother。Theyallwaddlewhentheyrun;andtheyallfilltheirstomachsbeforedinnerwithsloppytea。That’stheonlydifferencebetweenwomenandmen——therestisnothingbutaweakimitationofUs。Devotethewomentotheinfernalregions;and,sodismissing_them,_tryandthinkofsomethingelse。Ofwhat?Ofsomethingworththinkingof,thistime——offillinganotherpipe。
Hetookouthistobacco-pouch;andsuddenlysuspendedoperationsatthemomentofopeningit。
Whatwastheobjecthesaw,ontheothersideofarowofdwarfpear-trees,awaytotheright?Awoman——evidentlyaservantbyherdress——stoopingdownwithherbacktohim,gatheringsomething:herbstheylookedlike,aswellashecouldmakethemoutatthedistance。
Whatwasthatthinghangingbyastringatthewoman’sside?A
slate?Yes。Whatthedeucedidshewantwithaslateatherside?
Hewasinsearchofsomethingtodiverthismind——andhereitwasfound。“Anythingwilldoforme,“hethought。“SupposeI’chaff’
heralittleaboutherslate?“
第51章