Itwasnowlateintheafternoon,andshehadbeenoutsincetheearlymorning。Thishadneverhappenedbefore。Vaguesuspicionsofher,onemoremonstrousthananother,begantoriseinGeoffrey’smind。Betweenthedrinkandthefever,hehadbeenasJuliushadtoldhimwanderinginhismindduringapartofthenight。Hadheletanythingoutinthatcondition?HadHesterheardit?Andwasit,byanychance,atthebottomofherlongabsenceandhernoticetoquit?Hedetermined——withoutlettingherseethathesuspectedher——toclearupthatdoubtassoonashislandladyreturnedtothehouse。
Theeveningcame。Itwaspastnineo’clockbeforetherewasaringatthebell。Theservantcametoaskforthekey。Geoffreyrosetogotothegatehimself——andchangedhismindbeforehelefttheroom。_Her_suspicionsmightberousedsupposingittobeHesterwhowaswaitingforadmissionifheopenedthegatetoherwhentheservantwastheretodoit。Hegavethegirlthekey,andkeptoutofsight。
“Deadtired!“——theservantsaidtoherself,seeinghermistressbythelightofthelampoverthegate。
“Deadtired!“——Geoffreysaidtohimself,observingHestersuspiciouslyasshepassedhiminthepassageonherwayupstairstotakeoffherbonnetinherownroom。
“Deadtired!“——Annesaidtoherself,meetingHesterontheupperfloor,andreceivingfromheraletterinBlanche’shandwriting,deliveredtothemistressofthecottagebythepostman,whohadmetheratherowngate。
HavinggiventhelettertoAnne,HesterDethridgewithdrewtoherbedroom。
Geoffreyclosedthedoorofthedrawing-room,inwhichthecandleswereburning,andwentintothedining-room,inwhichtherewasnolight。Leavingthedoorajar,hewaitedtointercepthislandladyonherwaybacktohersupperinthekitchen。
Hesterwearilysecuredherdoor,wearilylitthecandles,wearilyputthepenandinkonthetable。Forsomeminutesafterthisshewascompelledtositdown,andrallyherstrengthandfetchherbreath。Afteralittleshewasabletoremoveherupperclothing。
Thisdoneshetookthemanuscriptinscribed,“MyConfession,“outofthesecretpocketofherstays——turnedtothelastleafasbefore——andwroteanotherentry,undertheentrymadeonthepreviousnight。
“ThismorningIgavehimnoticetoquit,andofferedhimhismoneybackifhewantedit。Herefusestogo。Heshallgoto-morrow,orIwillburntheplaceoverhishead。Allthroughto-dayIhaveavoidedhimbykeepingoutofthehouse。Noresttoeasemymind,andnosleeptoclosemyeyes。Ihumblybearmycrossaslongasmystrengthwillletme。“
Atthosewordsthependroppedfromherfingers。Herheadnoddedonherbreast。Sherousedherselfwithastart。Sleepwastheenemyshedreaded:sleepbroughtdreams。
Sheunfastenedthewindow-shuttersandlookedoutatthenight。
Thepeacefulmoonlightwasshiningoverthegarden。Thecleardepthsofthenightskyweresoothingandbeautifultolookat。
What!Fadingalready?clouds?darkness?No!Nearlyasleeponcemore。Sherousedherselfagain,withastart。Therewasthemoonlight,andtherewasthegardenasbrightunderitasever。
Dreamsornodreams,itwasuselesstofightlongeragainstthewearinessthatoverpoweredher。Sheclosedtheshutters,andwentbacktothebed;andputherConfessioninitscustomaryplaceatnight,underherpillow。
Shelookedroundtheroom——andshuddered。Everycornerofitwasfilledwiththeterriblememoriesofthepastnight。ShemightwakefromthetortureofthedreamstofindtheterroroftheApparitionwatchingatherbedside。Wastherenoremedy?noblessedsafeguardunderwhichshemighttranquillyresignherselftosleep?Athoughtcrossedhermind。Thegoodbook——theBible。
IfshesleptwiththeBibleunderherpillow,therewashopeinthegoodbook——thehopeofsleepinginpeace。
Itwasnotworthwhiletoputonthegownandthestayswhichshehadtakenoff。Hershawlwouldcoverher。Itwasequallyneedlesstotakethecandle。Thelowershutterswouldnotbeclosedatthathour;andiftheywere,shecouldlayherhandontheBible,initsplaceontheparlorbook-shelf,inthedark。
SheremovedtheConfessionfromunderthepillow。Notevenforaminutecouldsheprevailonherselftoleaveitinoneroomwhileshewasawayfromitinanother。Withthemanuscriptfoldedup,andhiddeninherhand,sheslowlydescendedthestairsagain。
Herkneestrembledunderher。Shewasobligedtoholdbythebanister,withthehandthatwasfree。
Geoffreyobservedherfromthedining-room,onherwaydownthestairs。Hewaitedtoseewhatshedid,beforeheshowedhimself,andspoketoher。Insteadofgoingonintothekitchen,shestoppedshort,andenteredtheparlor。Anothersuspiciouscircumstance!Whatdidshewantintheparlor,withoutacandle,atthattimeofnight?
Shewenttothebook-case——herdarkfigureplainlyvisibleinthemoonlightthatfloodedthelittleroom。Shestaggeredandputherhandtoherhead;giddy,toallappearance,fromextremefatigue。
Sherecoveredherself,andtookabookfromtheshelf。Sheleanedagainstthewallaftershehadpossessedherselfofthebook。Tooweary,asitseemed,togetupstairsagainwithoutalittlerest。Herarm-chairwasnearher。Betterrest,foramomentortwo,tobehadinthatthancouldbegotbyleaningagainstthewall。Shesatdownheavilyinthechair,withthebookonherlap。Oneofherarmshungoverthearmofthechair,withthehandclosed,apparentlyholdingsomething。
Herheadnoddedonherbreast——recovereditself——andsankgentlyonthecushionatthebackofthechair。Asleep?Fastasleep。
Inlessthanaminutethemusclesoftheclosedhandthathungoverthearmofthechairslowlyrelaxed。Somethingwhiteslippedoutofherhand,andlayinthemoonlightonthefloor。
Geoffreytookoffhisheavyshoes,andenteredtheroomnoiselesslyinhisstockings。Hepickedupthewhitethingonthefloor。Itprovedtobeacollectionofseveralsheetsofthinpaper,neatlyfoldedtogether,andcloselycoveredwithwriting。
Writing?Aslongasshewasawakeshehadkeptithiddeninherhand。Whyhideit?
Hadheletoutanythingtocompromisehimselfwhenhewaslight-headedwiththefeverthenightbefore?andhadshetakenitdowninwritingtoproduceagainsthim?Possessedbyguiltydistrust,eventhatmonstrousdoubtassumedalookofprobabilitytoGeoffrey’smind。Helefttheparlorasnoiselesslyashehadenteredit,andmadeforthecandle-lightinthedrawing-room,determinedtoexaminethemanuscriptinhishand。
Aftercarefullysmoothingoutthefoldedleavesonthetable,heturnedtothefirstpage,andreadtheselines。
“MYConfession:Tobeputintomycoffin;andtobeburiedwithmewhenIdie。
“ThisisthehistoryofwhatIdidinthetimeofmymarriedlife。Here——knowntonoothermortalcreature,confessedtomyCreatoralone——isthetruth。
“AtthegreatdayoftheResurrection,weshallallriseagaininourbodiesaswehavelived。WhenIamcalledbeforetheJudgmentSeatIshallhavethisinmyhand。
“Oh,justandmercifulJudge,ThouknowestwhatIhavesuffered。
MytrustisinThee。
“Iamtheeldestofalargefamily,bornofpiousparents。WebelongedtothecongregationofthePrimitiveMethodists。
“Mysisterswereallmarriedbeforeme。Iremainedforsomeyearstheonlyoneathome。Atthelatterpartofthetimemymother’shealthfailed;andImanagedthehouseinherplace。Ourspiritualpastor,goodMr。Bapchild,usedoftentodinewithus,onSundays,betweentheservices。Heapprovedofmymanagementofthehouse,and,inparticular,ofmycooking。Thiswasnotpleasanttomymother,whofeltajealousyofmybeing,asitwere,setoverherinherplace。Myunhappinessathomebeganinthisway。Mymother’stempergotworseasherhealthgotworse。
Myfatherwasmuchawayfromus,travelingforhisbusiness。I
hadtobearitall。AboutthistimeIbegantothinkitwouldbewellformeifIcouldmarryasmysistershaddone;andhavegoodMr。Bapchildtodinner,betweentheservices,inahouseofmyown。
“InthisframeofmindImadeacquaintancewithayoungmanwhoattendedserviceatourchapel。
“HisnamewasJoelDethridge。Hehadabeautifulvoice。Whenwesanghymns,hesangoffthesamebookwithme。Bytradehewasapaper-hanger。Wehadmuchserioustalktogether。IwalkedwithhimonSundays。HewasagoodtenyearsyoungerthanIwas;and,beingonlyajourneyman,hisworldlystationwasbelowmine。Mymotherfoundoutthelikingthathadgrownupbetweenus。Shetoldmyfatherthenexttimehewasathome。Alsomymarriedsistersandmybrothers。TheyalljoinedtogethertostopthingsfromgoingfurtherbetweenmeandJoelDethridge。Ihadahardtimeofit。Mr。Bapchildexpressedhimselfasfeelingmuchgrievedattheturnthingsweretaking。Heintroducedmeintoasermon——notbyname,butIknewwhoitwasmeantfor。PerhapsI
mighthavegivenwayiftheyhadnotdoneonething。Theymadeinquiriesofmyyoungman’senemies,andbroughtwickedstoriesofhimtomebehindhisback。This,afterwehadsungoffthesamehymn-book,andwalkedtogether,andagreedonewiththeotheronreligioussubjects,wastoomuchtobear。Iwasofagetojudgeformyself。AndImarriedJoelDethridge。
“Myrelationsallturnedtheirbacksonme。Notoneofthemwaspresentatmymarriage;mybrotherReuben,inparticular,wholedtherest,sayingthattheyhaddonewithmefromthattimeforth。
Mr。Bapchildwasmuchmoved;shedtears,andsaidhewouldprayforme。
“IwasmarriedinLondonbyapastorwhowasastranger;andwesettledinLondonwithfairprospects。Ihadalittlefortuneofmyown——myshareofsomemoneylefttousgirlsbyourauntHester,whomIwasnamedafter。Itwasthreehundredpounds。
NearlyonehundredofthisIspentinbuyingfurnituretofitupthelittlehousewetooktolivein。TherestIgavetomyhusbandtoputintothebankagainstthetimewhenhewantedittosetupinbusinessforhimself。
“Forthreemonths,moreorless,wegotonnicely——exceptinoneparticular。Myhusbandneverstirredinthematterofstartinginbusinessforhimself。
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