首页 >出版文学> Lorna Doonel>第42章

第42章

  Therewas,however,nopossibilityofdepressingmeatsuchatime。TobelovedbyLorna,thesweet,thepure,theplayfulone,thefairestcreatureonGod’searthandthemostenchanting,theladyofhighbirthandmind;thatI,amereclumsy,blunderingyeoman,withoutwit,orwealth,orlineage,shouldhavewonthatlovinghearttobemyownforever,wasathoughtnofearscouldlessen,andnochancecouldstealfromme。
  Thereforeatherownentreatytakingaveryquickadieu,andbyherowninvitationanexceedingkindone,Ihurriedhomewithdeepexulting,yetsomesadmisgivings,forLornahadmademepromisenowtotellmymothereverything;asindeedIalwaysmeanttodo,whenmysuitshouldbegonetoofartostop。Iknew,ofcourse,thatmydearmotherwouldbegreatlymovedandvexed,theheirshipofGlenDoonenotbeingaverydesirabledower,butinspiteofthat,andalldisappointmentastolittleRuthHuckaback,feelingmymother’stendernessanddeepaffectiontome,andforgivingnature,IdoubtednotthatbeforeverylongshewouldviewthematterasIdid。Moreover,IfeltthatifonceIcouldgetheronlytolookatLorna,shewouldsoloveandgloryinher,thatIshouldobtainallpraiseandthanks,perchancewithoutdeservingthem。
  Unluckilyformydesigns,whoshouldbesittingdownatbreakfastwithmymotherandtherestbutSquireFaggus,aseverybodynowbegantoentitlehim。I
  noticedsomethingoddabouthim,somethinguncomfortableinhismanner,andalackofthateaseandhumourwhichhadbeenwonttodistinguishhim。Hetookhisbreakfastasitcame,withoutasinglejokeaboutit,orpreferenceofthistothat;butwithslysoftlooksatAnnie,whoseemedunabletositquiet,ortolookatanyonesteadfastly。Ifearedinmyheartwhatwascomingon,andfelttrulysorryforpoormother。Afterbreakfastitbecamemydutytoseetotheploughingofabarley-stubblereadyforthesowingofaFrenchgrass,andIaskedTomFaggustocomewithme,butherefused,andIknewthereason。Beingresolvedtoallowhimfairfieldtohimself,thoughwithgreatdispleasurethatamanofsuchillegalreputeshouldmarryintoourfamily,whichhadalwaysbeencountedsohonest,Icarriedmydinneruponmyback,andspentthewholedaywiththefurrows。
  WhenIreturned,SquireFagguswasgone;whichappearedtomebutasorrysign,inasmuchasifmotherhadtakenkindlytohimandhisintentions,shewouldsurelyhavemadehimremainawhiletocelebratetheoccasion。Andpresentlynodoubtwasleft:forLizziecamerunningtomeetme,atthebottomofthewoodrick,andcried,——
  ’Oh,John,thereissuchabusiness。Motherisinsuchastateofmind,andAnniecryinghereyesout。Whatdoyouthink?Youwouldneverguess,thoughIhavesuspectedit,eversolong。’
  ’Noneedformetoguess,’Ireplied,asthoughwithsomeindifference,becauseofherself-importantair;
  ’Iknewallaboutitlongago。Youhavenotbeencryingmuch,Isee。Ishouldlikeyoubetterifyouhad。’
  ’WhyshouldIcry?IlikeTomFaggus。HeistheonlyoneIeverseewiththespiritofaman。’
  Thiswasacut,ofcourse,atme。Mr。FaggushadwonthegoodwillofLizziebyhishatredoftheDoones,andvowsthatifhecouldgetadozenmenofanycouragetojoinhim,hewouldpulltheirstrongholdabouttheirearswithoutanymoreado。Thismaliceofhisseemedstrangetome,ashehadneversufferedattheirhands,sofaratleastasIknew;wasittobeattributedtohisjealousyofoutlawswhoexcelledhiminhisbusiness?Notbeinggoodatrepartee,ImadenoanswertoLizzie,havingfoundthiscoursemoreirksometoherthantheverybestinvective:andsoweenteredthehousetogether;andmothersentatonceforme,whileI
  wastryingtoconsolemydarlingsisterAnnie。
  ’Oh,John!speakonegoodwordforme,’shecriedwithbothhandslaidinmine,andhertearfuleyeslookingupatme。
  ’Notone,mypet,butahundred,’Ianswered,kindlyembracingher:’havenofear,littlesister:Iamgoingtomakeyourcasesobright,bycomparison,Imean,thatmotherwillsendforyouinfiveminutes,andcallyouherbest,hermostdutifulchild,andpraiseCousinTomtotheskies,andsendamanonhorsebackafterhim;andthenyouwillhaveahardertasktointercedeforme,mydear。’
  ’Oh,John,dearJohn,youwon’ttellheraboutLorna——oh,notto-day,dear。’
  ’Yes,to-day,andatonce,Annie。Iwanttohaveitover,andbedonewithit。’
  ’Oh,butthinkofher,dear。Iamsureshecouldnotbearit,afterthisgreatshockalready。’
  ’Shewillbearitallthebetter,’saidI;’theonewilldrivetheotherout。Iknowexactlywhatmotheris。Shewillbedesperatelysavagefirstwithyou,andthenwithme,andthenforaverylittlewhilewithbothofustogether;andthenshewillputoneagainsttheotherinhermindImeanandconsiderwhichwasmosttoblame;andindoingthatshewillbecompelledtofindthebestineither’scase,thatitmaybeattheother;andsoasthepleascomebeforehermind,theywillgainuponthecharges,bothofusbeingherchildren,youknow:andbeforeverylongparticularlyifwebothkeepoutofthewayshewillbegintothinkthatafterallshehasbeenalittletoohasty,andthenshewillrememberhowgoodwehavealwaysbeentoher;andhowlikeourfather。Uponthat,shewillthinkofherownlove-time,andsighagoodbit,andcryalittle,andthensmile,andsendforbothofus,andbegourpardon,andcallushertwodarlings。’
  ’Now,John,howonearthcanyouknowallthat?’
  exclaimedmysister,wipinghereyes,andgazingatmewithasoftbrightsmile。’Whoonearthcanhavetoldyou,John?Peopletocallyoustupidindeed!Why,I
  feelthatallyousayisquitetrue,becauseyoudescribesoexactlywhatIshoulddomyself;Imean——I
  meanifIhadtwochildren,whohadbehavedaswehavedone。Buttellme,darlingJohn,howyoulearnedallthis。’
  ’Neveryoumind,’Ireplied,withanodofsomeconceit,Ifear:’ImustbeafoolifIdidnotknowwhatmotherisbythistime。’
  Nowinasmuchasthethingbefellaccordingtomyprediction,whatneedformetodwelluponit,aftersayinghowitwouldbe?Moreover,IwouldregrettowritedownwhatmothersaidaboutLorna,inherfirstsurpriseandtribulation;notonlybecauseIwasgrievedbythegrossinjusticeofit,andfrightenedmotherwithherownwordsrepeateddeeplyafterher;
  butratherbecauseitisnotwell,whenpeoplerepentofhastyspeech,toenteritagainstthem。
  Thatissaidtobetheangels’business;andIdoubtiftheycanattendtoitmuch,withoutdoinginjurytothemselves。
  However,bytheafternoon,whenthesunbegantogodownuponus,ourmothersatonthegardenbench,withherheadonmygreatotter-skinwaistcoatwhichwaswaterproof,andherrightarmroundourAnnie’swaist,andscarcelyknowingwhichofussheoughttomakethemostof,orwhichdeservedmostpity。Notthatshehadforgivenyettherivalstoherlove——TomFaggus,I
  mean,andLorna——butthatshewasbeginningtothinkatattlebetterofthemnow,andavastdealbetterofherownchildren。
  Andithelpedhermuchinthisregard,thatshewasnotthinkinghalfsowellasusualofherself,orratherofherownjudgment;foringoodtruthshehadnoself,onlyasitcamehometoher,bynoverydistantroad,butbywayofherchildren。Abettermotherneverlived;andcanI,aftersearchingallthings,addanotherwordtothat?
  AndindeedpoorLizziewasnotsoverybad;butbehavedonthewholeverywellforher。Shewasmuchtobepitied,poorthing,andgreatallowancesmadeforher,asbelongingtoawell-grownfamily,andaverycomelyone;andfeelingherownshortcomings。Thismadeherleaptotheotherextreme,andreassertherselftoomuch,endeavouringtoexaltthemindattheexpenseofthebody;becauseshehadtheinvisibleonesofarascanbedecidedinbettersharethanthevisible。Notbutwhatshehadherpoints,andverycomelypointsofbody;lovelyeyestowit,andverybeautifulhandsandfeetalmostasgoodasLorna’s,andaneckaswhiteassnow;butLizziewasnotgiftedwithourgaitandport,andboundinghealth。
  Now,whilewesatonthegardenbench,underthegreatash-tree,weleftdearmothertotakeherownway,andtalkatherownpleasure。Childrenalmostalwaysaremorewide-awakethantheirparents。Thefathersandthemotherslaugh;buttheyoungoneshavethebestofthem。AndnowbothAnnieknew,andI,thatwehadgottenthebestofmother;andthereforeweletherlaydownthelaw,asifwehadbeentwodollies。
  ’DarlingJohn,’mymothersaid,’yourcaseisaveryhardone。Ayoungandveryromanticgirl——GodsendthatIberightinmycharitableviewofher——hasmetanequallysimpleboy,amonggreatdangersanddifficulties,fromwhichmysonhassavedher,attheriskofhislifeateverystep。Ofcourse,shebecameattachedtohim,andlookeduptohimineveryway,asasuperiorbeing’——
  ’Comenow,mother,’Isaid;’ifyouonlysawLorna,youwouldlookuponmeasthelowestdirt’——
  ’NodoubtIshould,’mymotheranswered;’andthekingandqueen,andalltheroyalfamily。Well,thispoorangel,havingmadeuphermindtotakecompassionuponmyson,whenhehadsavedherlifesomanytimes,persuadeshimtomarryheroutofpurepity,andthrowhispoormotheroverboard。Andthesaddestpartofitallisthis——’
  ’Thatmymotherwillnever,never,neverunderstandthetruth,’saidI。
  ’ThatisallIwish,’sheanswered;’justtogetatthesimpletruthfrommyownperceptionofit。John,youareverywiseinkissingme;butperhapsyouwouldnotbesowiseinbringingLornaforanafternoon,justtoseewhatshethinksofme。Thereisagoodsaddleofmuttonnow;andtherearesomeverygoodsausagesleft,onthebluedishwiththeanchor,Annie,fromthelastlittlesowwekilled。’
  ’AsifLornawouldeatsausages!’saidI,withappearanceofhighcontempt,thoughrejoicingallthewhilethatmotherseemedtohavehernamesopat;andshepronounceditinamannerwhichmademyheartleaptomyears:’Lornatoeatsausages!’
  ’Idon’tseewhysheshouldn’t,’mymotheransweredsmiling,’ifshemeanstobeafarmer’swife,shemusttaketofarmer’sways,Ithink。Whatdoyousay,Annie?’
  ’ShewilleatwhateverJohndesires,Ishouldhope,’
  saidAnniegravely;’particularlyasImadethem。’
  ’OhthatIcouldonlygetthechanceoftryingher!’I
  answered,’ifyoucouldoncebeholdher,mother,youwouldneverlethergoagain。Andshewouldloveyouwithallherheart,sheissogoodandgentle。’
  ’Thatisaluckythingforme’;sayingthismymotherwept,asshehadbeendoingoffandon,whennooneseemedtolookather;’otherwiseIsuppose,John,shewouldverysoonturnmeoutofthefarm,havingyousocompletelyunderherthumb,assheseemstohave。I
  seenowthatmytimeisover。LizzieandIwillseekourfortunes。Itiswiserso。’
  ’Now,mother,’Icried;’willyouhavethekindnessnottotalkanynonsense?Everythingbelongstoyou;andso,Ihope,yourchildrendo。Andyou,inturn,belongtous;asyouhaveprovedeversince——oh,eversincewecanremember。WhydoyoumakeAnniecryso?Yououghttoknowbetterthanthat。’
  Motheruponthiswentoverallthethingsshehaddonebefore;howmanytimesIknownot;neitherdoesitmatter。Onlysheseemedtoenjoyitmore,everytimeofdoingit。Andthenshesaidshewasanoldfool;
  andAnnielikeathoroughgirlpulledheronegreyhairout。
  Althoughbyourmother’sreluctantconsentalargepartoftheobstaclesbetweenAnnieandherloverappearedtoberemoved,ontheotherhandLornaandmyselfgainedlittle,exceptasregardedcomfortofmind,andsomeeasetotheconscience。Moreover,ourchanceoffrequentmeetingsanddelightfulconversewasmuchimpaired,atleastforthepresent;becausethoughmotherwasnotawareofmynarrowescapefromCarverDoone,shemademepromisenevertoriskmylifebyneedlessvisits。Anduponthispoint,thatistosay,thenecessityofthevisit,shewaswellcontent,asshesaid,toleavemetomyowngoodsenseandhonour;
  onlybeggingmealwaystotellherofmyintentionbeforehand。Thispledge,however,forherownsake,I
  declinedtogive;knowinghowwretchedshewouldbeduringallthetimeofmyabsence;and,onthataccount,Ipromisedinstead,thatIwouldalwaysgiveherafullaccountofmyadventureuponreturning。
  Nowmymother,asmightbeexpected,beganatoncetocastaboutforsomemeansofrelievingmefromallfurtherperil,andherselffromgreatanxiety。ShewasfullofplansforfetchingLorna,insomewonderfulmanner,outofthepoweroftheDoonesentirely,andintoherownhands,whereshewastoremainforatleastatwelve-month,learningallmotherandAnniecouldteachherofdairybusiness,andfarm-houselife,andthebestmodeofpackingbutter。Andallthisarosefrommyhappeningtosay,withoutmeaninganything,howthepoordearhadlongedforquiet,andalifeofsimplicity,andarestawayfromviolence!
  Blessthee,mother——nowlonginheaven,thereisnoneedtoblessthee;butitoftenmakesadimnessnowinmywell-worneyes,whenIthinkofthyloving-kindness,warmth,andromanticinnocence。
  AstostealingmybelovedfromthatvileGlenDoone,thedeeditselfwasnotimpossible,norbeyondmydaring;butinthefirstplacewouldshecome,leavingheroldgrandfathertodiewithouthertendence?Andevenif,throughfearofCarverandthatwickedCounsellor,sheshouldconsenttofly,woulditbepossibletokeepherwithoutaregimentofsoldiers?
  WouldnottheDoonesatoncerideforthtoscourthecountryfortheirqueen,andfindingherastheymustdo,burnourhouse,andmurderus,andcarryherbacktriumphantly?
  AllthisIlaidbeforemymother,andtosucheffectthatsheacknowledged,withasighthatnothingelseremainedformeinthepresentstateofmatters
  excepttokeepacarefulwatchuponLornafromsafedistance,observethepolicyoftheDoones,andwaitforatideintheiraffairs。MeanwhileImightevenfallinloveasmotherunwiselyhintedwithacertainmorepeacefulheiress,althoughofinferiorblood,whowouldbedailyatmyelbow。Iamnotsurebutwhatdearmotherherselfwouldhavebeendisappointed,hadI
  provedmyselfsofickle;andmydisdainandindignationatthemeresuggestiondidnotsomuchdispleaseher;
  forsheonlysmiledandanswered,——
  ’Well,itisnotformetosay;Godknowswhatisgoodforus。Likingswillnotcometoorder;otherwiseI
  shouldnotbewhereIamthisday。AndofonethingI