首页 >出版文学> Lorna Doonel>第34章

第34章

  ButIcouldnothelponestupidsob,thoughmadwithmyselfforallowingit,butitcametoosharpforpridetostayit,andittoldaworldofthings。Lornaheardit,andrantome,withherbrighteyesfullofwonder,pity,andgreatkindness,asifamazedthatIhadmorethanasimplelikingforher。Thensheheldoutbothhandstome;andItookandlookedatthem。
  ’MasterRidd,Ididnotmean,’shewhispered,verysoftly,’Ididnotmeantovexyou。’
  ’Ifyouwouldbeloathtovexme,noneelseinthisworldcandoit,’Iansweredoutofmygreatlove,butfearingyettolookather,mineeyesnotbeingstrongenough。
  ’Comeawayfromthisbrightplace,’sheanswered,tremblinginherturn;’Iamwatchedandspiedoflate。
  Comebeneaththeshadows,John。’
  IwouldhaveleapedintothevalleyoftheshadowofdeathasdescribedbythelateJohnBunyan,onlytohearhercallme’John’;thoughApollyonwerelurkingthere,andDespairshouldlockmein。
  Shestoleacrossthesilentgrass;butIstrodehotlyafterher;fearwasallbeyondmenow,exceptthefearoflosingher。Icouldnotbutbeholdhermanner,asshewentbeforeme,allhergrace,andlovelysweetness,andhersenseofwhatshewas。
  Sheledmetoherownrichbower,whichItoldofoncebefore;andifinspringitwereasight,whatwasitinsummerglory?Butalthoughmymindhadnoticeofitsfairnessanditswonder,notaheedmyhearttookofit,neitherdweltitinmypresencemorethanflowingwater。Allthatinmypresencedwelt,allthatinmyheartwasfelt,wasthemaidenmovinggently,andafraidtolookatme。
  Fornowthepowerofmylovewasabidingonher,newtoher,unknowntoher;notathingtospeakabout,noreventothinkclearly;onlyjusttofeelandwonder,withapainofsweetness。Shecouldlookatmenomore,neithercouldshelookaway,withastudiedmanner——onlytoletfallhereyes,andblush,andbeputoutwithme,andstillmorewithherself。
  Ileftherquitealone;thoughclose,thoughtinglingtohaveholdofher。Evenherrighthandwasdroppedandlayamongthemosses。NeitherdidItrytostealoneglimpsebelowhereyelids。LifeanddeathtomewerehangingonthefirstglanceIshouldwin;yetI
  letitbeso。
  Afterlongorshort——Iknownot,yetereIwasweary,ereIyetbegantothinkorwishforanyanswer——Lornaslowlyraisedhereyelids,withagleamofdewbelowthem,andlookedatmedoubtfully。Anylookwithsomuchinitnevermetmygazebefore。
  ’Darling,doyouloveme?’wasallthatIcouldsaytoher。
  ’Yes,Ilikeyouverymuch,’sheanswered,withhereyesgonefromme,andherdarkhairfallingover,soasnottoshowmethings。
  ’Butdoyouloveme,Lorna,Lorna;doyoulovememorethanalltheworld?’
  ’No,tobesurenot。NowwhyshouldI?’
  ’Intruth,Iknownotwhyyoushould。OnlyIhopedthatyoudid,Lorna。Eitherlovemenotatall,orasIloveyouforever。’
  ’JohnIloveyouverymuch;andIwouldnotgrieveyou。
  Youarethebravest,andthekindest,andthesimplestofallmen——Imeanofallpeople——Ilikeyouverymuch,MasterRidd,andIthinkofyoualmosteveryday。’
  ’Thatwillnotdoforme,Lorna。NotalmosteverydayIthink,buteveryinstantofmylife,ofyou。ForyouIwouldgiveupmyhome,myloveofalltheworldbeside,mydutytomydearestones,foryouIwouldgiveupmylife,andhopeoflifebeyondit。Doyoulovemeso?’
  ’Notbyanymeans,’saidLorna;’no,Ilikeyouverymuch,whenyoudonottalksowildly;andIliketoseeyoucomeasifyouwouldfillourvalleyup,andIliketothinkthatevenCarverwouldbenothinginyourhands——butastolikingyoulikethat,whatshouldmakeitlikely?especiallywhenIhavemadethesignal,andforsometwomonthsormoreyouhaveneverevenansweredit!Ifyoulikemesoferociously,whydoyouleavemeforotherpeopletodojustastheylikewithme?’
  ’Todoastheyliked!Oh,Lorna,nottomakeyoumarryCarver?’
  ’No,MasterRidd,benotfrightenedso;itmakesmefeartolookatyou。’
  ’ButyouhavenotmarriedCarveryet?Sayquick!Whykeepmewaitingso?’
  ’OfcourseIhavenot,MasterRidd。ShouldIbehereifIhad,thinkyou,andallowingyoutolikemeso,andtoholdmyhand,andmakemelaugh,asIdeclareyoualmostdosometimes?Andatothertimesyoufrightenme。’
  ’DidtheywantyoutomarryCarver?Tellmeallthetruthofit。’
  ’Notyet,notyet。Theyarenothalfsoimpetuousasyouare,John。Iamonlyjustseventeen,youknow,andwhoistothinkofmarrying?Buttheywantedmetogivemyword,andbeformallybetrothedtohiminthepresenceofmygrandfather。Itseemsthatsomethingfrightenedthem。ThereisayouthnamedCharleworthDoone,everyonecallshim“Charlie“;aheadstrongandagayyoungman,verygallantinhislooksandmanner;
  andmyuncle,theCounsellor,chosetofancythatCharlielookedatmetoomuch,comingbymygrandfather’scottage。’
  HereLornablushedsothatIwasfrightened,andbegantohatethisCharliemore,agreatdealmore,thanevenCarverDoone。
  ’Hehadbetternot,’saidI;’Iwillflinghimoverit,ifhedare。Heshallseetheethroughtheroof,Lorna,ifatallheseethee。’
  ’MasterRidd,youareworsethanCarver!Ithoughtyouweresokind-hearted。Well,theywantedmetopromise,andeventoswearasolemnoathathingIhaveneverdoneinmylifethatIwouldwedmyeldestcousin,thissameCarverDoone,whoistwiceasoldasIam,beingthirty-fiveandupwards。ThatwaswhyIgavethetokenthatIwishedtoseeyou,MasterRidd。Theypointedouthowmuchitwasforthepeaceofallthefamily,andformineownbenefit;butIwouldnotlistenforamoment,thoughtheCounsellorwasmosteloquent,andmygrandfatherbeggedmetoconsider,andCarversmiledhispleasantest,whichisatrulyfrightfulthing。Thenbothheandhiscraftyfatherwereforusingforcewithme;butSirEnsorwouldnothearofit;andtheyhaveputoffthatextremeuntilheshallbepastitsknowledge,or,atleast,beyondpreventingit。AndnowIamwatched,andspied,andfollowed,andhalfmylittlelibertyseemstobetakenfromme。Icouldnotbeherespeakingwithyou,eveninmyownnookandrefuge,butfortheaid,andskill,andcourageofdearlittleGwennyCarfax。Sheisnowmychiefreliance,andthroughheraloneIhopetobaffleallmyenemies,sinceothershaveforsakenme。’
  Tearsofsorrowandreproachwerelurkinginhersoftdarkeyes,untilinfewestwordsItoldherthatmyseemingnegligencewasnothingbutmybitterlossandwretchedabsencefaraway;ofwhichIhadsovainlystriventogiveanytidingswithoutdangertoher。
  Whensheheardallthis,andsawwhatIhadbroughtfromLondonwhichwasnothinglessthanaringofpearlswithasapphireinthemidstofthem,asprettyascouldwellbefound,sheletthegentletearsflowfast,andcameandsatsoclosebesideme,thatI
  trembledlikeafoldedsheepatthebleatingofherlamb。Butrecoveringcomfortquickly,withoutmoreado,Iraisedherlefthandandobserveditwithaniceregard,wonderingatthesmallblueveins,andcurves,andtaperingwhiteness,andthepointsitfinishedwith。Mywonderseemedtopleasehermuch,herselfsowellaccustomedtoit,andnotfondofwatchingit。
  Andthen,beforeshecouldsayaword,orguesswhatI
  wasupto,asquickaseverIturnedhandinaboutofwrestling,onherfingerwasmyring——sapphirefortheveinsofblue,andpearlstomatchwhitefingers。
  ’Oh,youcraftyMasterRidd!’saidLorna,lookingupatme,andblushingnowafarbrighterblushthanwhenshespokeofCharlie;’Ithoughtthatyouweremuchtoosimpleevertodothissortofthing。Nowonderyoucancatchthefish,aswhenfirstIsawyou。’
  ’HaveIcaughtyou,littlefish?Ormustallmylifebespentinhopelessanglingforyou?’
  ’Neitheronenortheother,John!Youhavenotcaughtmeyetaltogether,thoughIlikeyoudearlyJohn;andifyouwillonlykeepaway,Ishalllikeyoumoreandmore。Asforhopelessangling,John——thatallothersshallhaveuntilItellyouotherwise。’
  Withthelargetearsinhereyes——tearswhichseemedtometorisepartlyfromherwanttolovemewiththepowerofmylove——sheputherpurebrightlips,halfsmiling,halfpronetoreplytotears,againstmyforeheadlinedwithtrouble,doubt,andeagerlonging。
  Andthenshedrewmyringfromoffthatsnowytwigherfinger,andhelditouttome;andthen,seeinghowmyfacewasfalling,thriceshetoucheditwithherlips,andsweetlygaveitbacktome。’John,Idarenottakeitnow;elseIshouldbecheatingyou。Iwilltrytoloveyoudearly,evenasyoudeserveandwish。Keepitformejusttillthen。SomethingtellsmeIshallearnitinaverylittletime。Perhapsyouwillbesorrythen,sorrywhenitisalltoolate,tobelovedbysuchasIam。’
  WhatcouldIdoathermournfultone,butkissathousandtimesthehandwhichsheputuptowarnme,andvowthatIwouldratherdiewithoneassuranceofherlove,thanwithoutitliveforeverwithallbesidethattheworldcouldgive?Uponthisshelookedsolovely,withherdarkeyelashestrembling,andhersofteyesfulloflight,andthecolourofclearsunrisemountingonhercheeksandbrow,thatIwasforcedtoturnaway,beingovercomewithbeauty。
  ’Dearestdarling,loveofmylife,’Iwhisperedthroughhercloudsofhair;’howlongmustIwaittoknow,howlongmustIlingerdoubtingwhetheryoucaneverstoopfromyourbirthandwondrousbeautytoapoor,coarsehindlikeme,anignorantunletteredyeoman——’
  ’Iwillnothaveyourevileyourself,’saidLorna,verytenderly——justasIhadmeanttomakeher。’Youarenotrudeandunlettered,John。YouknowagreatdealmorethanIdo;youhavelearnedbothGreekandLatin,asyoutoldmelongago,andyouhavebeenattheverybestschoolintheWestofEngland。Noneofusbutmygrandfather,andtheCounsellorwhoisagreatscholar,cancomparewithyouinthis。AndthoughI
  havelaughedatyourmannerofspeech,Ionlylaughedinfun,John;Inevermeanttovexyoubyit,norknewthatithaddoneso。’
  ’Naughtyousaycanvexme,dear,’Ianswered,assheleanedtowardsmeinhergeneroussorrow;’unlessyousay“Begone,JohnRidd;Iloveanothermorethanyou。“’
  ’ThenIshallnevervexyou,John。Never,Imean,bysayingthat。Now,John,ifyouplease,bequiet——’
  ForIwascarriedawaysomuchbyhearinghercallingme’John’sooften,andthemusicofhervoice,andthewayshebenttowardme,andtheshadowofsoftweepinginthesunlightofhereyes,thatsomeofmygreathandwascreepinginamannernottobeimagined,andfarlessexplained,towardthelithesome,wholesomecurvingunderneathhermantle-fold,andoutofsightandharm,asIthought;notbeingherfrontwaist。However,I
  wasdashedwiththat,andpretendednottomeanit;
  onlytoplucksomelady-fern,whoseelegancedidmenogood。
  ’Now,John,’saidLorna,beingsoquickthatnotevenalovercouldcheather,andobservingmyconfusionmoreintentlythansheneedhavedone。’MasterJohnRidd,itishightimeforyoutogohometoyourmother。I
  loveyourmotherverymuchfromwhatyouhavetoldmeabouther,andIwillnothavehercheated。’
  ’Ifyoutrulylovemymother,’saidI,verycraftily’theonlywaytoshowitisbytrulylovingme。’
  Uponthatshelaughedatmeinthesweetestmanner,andwithsuchprovokingways,andsuchcome-and-goofglances,andbeginningofquickblushes,whichshetriedtolaughaway,thatIknew,aswellasifsheherselfhadtoldme,bysomeknowledgevoidofreasoning,andthesurerforit,Iknewquitewell,whileallmyheartwasburninghotwithinme,andmineeyeswereshyofhers,andhereyeswereshyofmine;
  forcertainandforeverthisIknew——asinaglory——thatLornaDoonehadnowbegunandwouldgoontoloveme。
  AlthoughIwasunderinterdictfortwomonthsfrommydarling——’oneforyoursake,oneformine,’shehadwhispered,withherheadwithdrawn,yetnotsoveryfarfromme——lighterheartwasnotonExmoorthanIboreforhalfthetime,andevenforthreequarters。Forshewassafe;Iknewthatdailybyamodeofsignalswell-contrivedbetweenusnow,onthestrengthofourexperience。’Ihavenothingnowtofear,John,’shehadsaidtome,asweparted;’itistruethatIamspiedandwatched,butGwennyistookeenforthem。
  WhileIhavemygrandfathertopreventallviolence;
  andlittleGwennytokeepwatchonthosewhotrytowatchme;andyou,aboveallothers,John,readyatamoment,iftheworstcomestotheworst——thisneglectedLornaDoonewasneverinsuchcasebefore。Thereforedonotsqueezemyhand,John;Iamsafewithoutit,andyoudonotknowyourstrength。’
  Ah,Iknewmystrengthrightwell。Hillandvalleyscarcelyseemedtobestepandlandingforme;fiercestcattleIwouldplaywith,makingthemgobackward,andafraidofhurtingthem,likeJohnFrywithhisterrier;
  evenrootedtreesseemedtomebutassticksIcouldsmitedown,exceptformyloveofeverything。Theloveofallthingswasuponme,andasoftnesstothemall,andasenseofhavingsomethingevensuchastheyhad。
  Thenthegoldenharvestcame,wavingonthebroadhill-side,andnestlinginthequietnooksscoopedfromoutthefringeofwood。Awealthofharvestsuchasnevergladdenedallourcountry-sidesincemyfatherceasedtoreap,andhissicklehungtorust。TherehadnotbeenamanonExmoorfittoworkthatreaping-hooksincethetimeitsownerfell,intheprimeoflifeandstrength,beforeasternerreaper。
  ButnowItookitfromthewall,wheremotherproudlystoredit,whileshewatchedme,hardlyknowingwhethersheshouldsmileorcry。
  Alltheparishwasassembledinouruppercourtyard;
  forweweretoopentheharvestthatyear,ashadbeensettledwithFarmerNicholas,andwithJasperKebby,whoheldthethirdorlittlefarm。Westartedinproperorder,therefore,asourpracticeis:first,theparsonJosiahBowden,wearinghisgownandcassock,withtheparishBibleinhishand,andasicklestrappedbehindhim。Ashestrodealongwellandstoutly,beingamanofsubstance,allourfamilycamenext,Ileadingmotherwithonehand,intheotherbearingmyfather’shook,andwithaloafofourownbreadandakegofcideruponmyback。BehindusAnnieandLizziewalked,wearingwreathsofcorn-flowers,setoutveryprettily,suchasmotherwouldhavewornifshehadbeenafarmer’swife,insteadofafarmer’swidow。Beingasshewas,shehadnoadornment,exceptthatherwidow’shoodwasoff,andherhairallowedtoflow,asifshehadbeenamaiden;andveryrichbrighthairitwas,inspiteofallhertroubles。