首页 >出版文学> Lord Jim>第26章

第26章

  “`Butterfly?“heasked,withanunbelievingandhumorouseagerness。
  “`Nothingsoperfect,“Ianswered,feelingsuddenlydispiritedwithallsortsofdoubts。“Aman!“
  “`Achso!“hemurmured,andhissmilingcountenance,turnedtome,becamegrave。Thenafterlookingatmeforawhilehesaidslowly,“Well——Iamaman,too。“
  `Hereyouhavehimashewas;heknewhowtobesogenerouslyencouragingastomakeascrupulousmanhesitateonthebrinkofconfidence;butifIdidhesitateitwasnotforlong。
  `Heheardmeout,sittingwithcrossedlegs。Sometimeshisheadwoulddisappearcompletelyinagreateruptionofsmoke,andasympatheticgrowlwouldcomeoutfromthecloud。WhenIfinishedheuncrossedhislegs,laiddownhispipe,leanedforwardtowardsmeearnestlywithhiselbowsonthearmsofhischair,thetipsofhisfingerstogether。
  “`Iunderstandverywell。Heisromantic。“
  `Hehaddiagnosedthecaseforme,andatfirstIwasquitestartledtofindhowsimpleitwas;andindeedourconferenceresembledsomuchamedicalconsultation——Stein,oflearnedaspect,sittinginanarm-chairbeforehisdesk;I,anxious,inanother,facinghim,butalittletooneside——thatitseemednaturaltoask:
  “`What’sgoodforit?“
  `Heliftedupalongforefinger。
  “`Thereisonlyoneremedy!Onethingalonecanusfrombeingourselvescure!“Thefingercamedownonthedeskwithasmartrap。Thecasewhichhehadmadetolooksosimplebeforebecameifpossiblestillsimpler——andaltogetherhopeless。Therewasapause。“Yes,“saidI,“strictlyspeaking,thequestionisnothowtogetcured,buthowtolive。’
  `Heapprovedwithhishead,alittlesadlyasitseemed。“Ja!ja!Ingeneral,adaptingthewordsofyourgreatpoet:Thatisthequestion……“Hewentonnoddingsympathetically……“Howtobe!Ach!Howtobe!“
  `Hestoodupwiththetipsofhisfingersrestingonthedesk。“`Wewantinsomanydifferentwaystobe,“hebeganagain。“Thismagnificentbutterflyfindsalittleheapofdirtandsitsstillonit;butmanhewillneveronhisheapofmudkeepstill。Hewanttobeso,andagainhewanttobeso……“Hemovedhishandup,thendown……“Hewantstobeasaint,andhewantstobeadevil——andeverytimeheshutshiseyesheseeshimselfasaveryfinefellow——sofineashecanneverbe……Inadream……“
  `Heloweredtheglasslid,theautomaticlockclickedsharply,andtakingupthecaseinbothhandsheboreitreligiouslyawaytoitsplace,passingoutofthebrightcircleofthelampintotheringoffainterlight——intoshapelessduskatlast。Ithadanoddeffect——asifthesefewstepshadcarriedhimoutofthisconcreteandperplexedworld。Histallform,asthoughrobbedofitssubstance,hoverednoiselesslyoverinvisiblethingswithstoopingandindefinitemovements;hisvoice,heardinthatremotenesswherehecouldbeglimpsedmysteriouslybusywithimmaterialcares,wasnolongerincisive,seemedtorollvoluminousandgrave——mellowedbydistance。
  “`Andbecauseyounotalwayscankeepyoureyesshuttherecomestherealtrouble——theheartpain——theworldpain。Itellyou,myfriend,itisnotgoodforyoutofindyoucannotmakeyourdreamcometrue,forthereasonthatyounotstrongenoughare,ornotcleverenough。Ja!……Andallthetimeyouaresuchafinefellow,too!Wie?Was?GottinHimmel!Howcanthatbe?Ha!ha!ha!“
  `Theshadowprowlingamongstthegravesofbutterflieslaughedboisterously。
  “`Yes!Veryfunnythisterriblethingis。Amanthatisbornfallsintoadreamlikeamanwhofallsintothesea。Ifhetriestoclimboutintotheairasinexperiencedpeopleendeavourtodo,hedrowns——nichtwahr?……No!Itellyou!Thewayistothedestructiveelementsubmityourself,andwiththeexertionsofyourhandsandfeetinthewatermakethedeep,deepseakeepyouup。Soifyouaskme——howtobe?“
  `Hisvoiceleapedupextraordinarilystrong,asthoughawaythereintheduskhehadbeeninspiredbysomewhisperofknowledge。“Iwilltellyou!Forthat,too,thereisonlyoneway。“
  `Withahastyswish-swishofhisslippersheloomedupintheringoffaintlight,andsuddenlyappearedinthebrightcircleofthelamp。Hisextendedhandaimedatmybreastlikeapistol;hisdeep-seteyesseemedtopiercethroughme,buthistwitchinglipsutterednoword,andtheaustereexaltationofacertitudeseenintheduskvanishedfromhisface。Thehandthathadbeenpointingatmybreastfell,andbyandby,comingastepnearer,helaiditgentlyonmyshoulder。Therewerethings,hesaidmournfully,thatperhapscouldneverbetold,onlyhehadlivedsomuchalonethatsometimesheforgot——heforgot。Thelighthaddestroyedtheassurancewhichhadinspiredhiminthedistantshadows。Hesatdownand,withbothelbowsonthedesk,rubbedhisforehead。“Andyetitistrue——itistrue。Inthedestructiveelementimmerse。“……Hespokeinasubduedtone,withoutlookingatme,onehandoneachsideofhisface。“Thatwastheway。Tofollowthedream,andagaintofollowthedream——andso——ewig——usqueadfinem……“Thewhisperofhisconvictionseemedtoopenbeforemeavastanduncertainexpanse,asofacrepuscularhorizononaplainatdawn——orwasit,perchance,atthecomingofthenight?Onehadnotthecouragetodecide;butitwasacharminganddeceptivelight,throwingtheimpalpablepoesyofitsdimnessoverpitfalls——overgraves。Hislifehadbeguninsacrifice,inenthusiasmforgenerousideas;hehadtravelledveryfar,onvariousways,onstrangepaths,andwhateverhefollowedithadbeenwithoutfaltering,andthereforewithoutshameandwithoutregret。
  Insofarhewasright。Thatwastheway,nodoubt。Yetforallthatthegreatplainonwhichmenwanderamongstgravesandpitfallsremainedverydesolateundertheimpalpablepoesyofitscrepuscularlight,over-shadowedinthecentre,circledwithabrightedgeasifsurroundedbyanabyssfullofflames。WhenatlastIbrokethesilenceitwastoexpresstheopinionthatnoonecouldbemoreromanticthanhimself。
  `Heshookhisheadslowly,andafterwardslookedatmewithapatientandinquiringglance。Itwasashame,hesaid。Thereweweresittingandtalkingliketwoboys,insteadofputtingourheadstogethertofindsomethingpractical——apracticalremedy——fortheevil——forthegreatevil——herepeated,withahumorousandindulgentsmile。Forallthat,ourtalkdidnotgrowmorepractical。WeavoidedpronouncingJim’snameasthoughwehadtriedtokeepfleshandbloodoutofourdiscussion,orhewerenothingbutanerringspirit,asufferingandnamelessshade。“Na!“saidStein,rising。“To-nightyousleephere,andinthemorningweshalldosomethingpractical——practical……“Helitatwo-branchedcandlestickandledtheway。Wepassedthroughemptydarkrooms,escortedbygleamsfromthelightsSteincarried。Theyglidedalongthewaxedfloors,sweepinghereandthereoverthepolishedsurfaceofthetable,leapeduponafragmentarycurveofapieceoffurniture,orflashedperpendicularlyinandoutofdistantmirrors,whiletheformsoftwomenandtheflickeroftwoflamescouldbeseenforamomentstealingsilentlyacrossthedepthsofacrystallinevoid。Hewalkedslowlyapaceinadvancewithstoopingcourtesy,therewasaprofound,asitwerealistening,quietudeonhisface;thelongflaxenlocksmixedwithwhitethreadswerescatteredthinlyuponhisslightlybowedneck。
  “`Heisromantic——romantic,“herepeated。“Andthatisverybad——verybad……Verygood,too,“headded。“Butishe?“Iqueried。
  “`Gewiss,“hesaid,andstoodstillholdingupthecandelabrum,butwithoutlookingatme。“Evident!Whatisitthatbyinwardpainmakeshimknowhimself?Whatisitthatforyouandmemakeshim——exist?“
  `AtthatmomentitwasdifficulttobelieveinJim’sexistence——startingfromacountryparsonage,blurredbycrowdsofmenasbycloudsofdust,silencedbytheclashingclaimsoflifeanddeathinamaterialworld——buthisimperishablerealitycametomewithaconvincing,withanirresistibleforce!Isawitvividly,asthoughinourprogressthroughtheloftysilentroomsamongstfleetinggleamsoflightandthesuddenrevelationsofhumanfiguresstealingwithflickeringflameswithinunfathomableandpelluciddepths,wehadapproachednearertoabsoluteTruth,which,likeBeautyitself,floatselusive,obscure,halfsubmerged,inthesilentstillwatersofmystery。“Perhapsheis,“Iadmittedwithaslightlaugh,whoseunexpectedlyloudreverberationmademelowermyvoicedirectly;“butIamsureyouare。“Withhisheaddroppingonhisbreastandthelightheldhighhebegantowalkagain。“Well——Iexist,too,“hesaid。
  `Heprecededme。Myeyesfollowedhismovements,butwhatIdidseewasnottheheadofthefirm,thewelcomeguestatafternoonreceptions,thecorrespondentoflearnedsocieties,theentertainerofstraynaturalists;
  Isawonlytherealityofhisdestiny,whichhehadknownhowtofollowwithunfalteringfootsteps,thatlifebeguninhumblesurroundings,richingenerousenthusiasms,infriendship,love,war——inalltheexaltedelementsofromance。Atthedoorofmyroomhefacedme。“Yes,“Isaid,asthoughcarryingonadiscussion,“andamongstotherthingsyoudreamedfoolishlyofacertainbutterfly;butwhenonefinemorningyourdreamcameinyourwayyoudidnotletthesplendidopportunityescape。Didyou?Whereashe……“Steinliftedhishand。“AnddoyouknowhowmanyopportunitiesI
  letescape;howmanydreamsIhadlostthathadcomeinmyway?“Heshookhisheadregretfully。“Itseemstomethatsomewouldhavebeenveryfine——ifIhadmadethemcometrue。Doyouknowhowmany?PerhapsImyselfdon’tknow。““Whetherhiswerefineornot,“Isaid,“heknowsofonewhichhecertainlydidnotcatch。““Everybodyknowsofoneortwolikethat,“saidStein;“andthatisthetrouble——thegreattrouble……“
  `Heshookhandsonthethreshold,peeredintomyroomunderhisraisedarm。“Sleepwell。Andto-morrowwemustdosomethingpractical——practical……“
  `ThoughhisownroomwasbeyondmineIsawhimreturnthewayhecame。
  Hewasgoingbacktohisbutterflies。’
  supposeanyofyouhadeverheardofPatusan?’
  Marlowresumed,afterasilenceoccupiedinthecarefullightingofacigar。
  `Itdoesnotmatter;there’smanyaheavenlybodyinthelotcrowdinguponusofanightthatmankindhadneverheardof,itbeingoutsidethesphereofitsactivitiesandofnoearthlyimportancetoanybodybuttotheastronomerswhoarepaidtotalklearnedlyaboutitscomposition,weight,path——theirregularitiesofitsconduct,theaberrationsofitslight——asortofscientificscandal-mongering。ThuswithPatusan。ItwasreferredtoknowinglyintheinnergovernmentcirclesinBatavia,especiallyastoitsirregularitiesandaberrations,anditwasknownbynametosomefew,veryfew,inthemercantileworld。Nobody,however,hadbeenthere,andIsuspectnoonedesiredtogothereinperson,justasanastronomer,Ishouldfancy,wouldstronglyobjecttobeingtransportedintoadistantheavenlybody,where,partedfromhisearthlyemoluments,hewouldbebewilderedbytheviewofanunfamiliarheavens。However,neitherheavenlybodiesnorastronomershaveanythingtodowithPatusan。ItwasJimwhowentthere。IonlymeantyoutounderstandthathadSteinarrangedtosendhimintoastarofthefifthmagnitudethechangecouldnothavebeengreater。Helefthisearthlyfailingsbehindhimandthatsortofreputationhehad,andtherewasatotallynewsetofconditionsforhisimaginativefacultytoworkupon。
  Entirelynew,entirelyremarkable。Andhegotholdoftheminaremarkableway。
  `SteinwasthemanwhoknewmoreaboutPatusanthananybodyelse。Morethanwasknowninthegovernmentcircles,Isuspect。Ihavenodoubthehadbeenthere,eitherinhisbutterfly-huntingdaysorlateron,whenhetriedinhisin-corrigiblewaytoseasonwithapinchofromancethefatteningdishesofhiscommercialkitchen。TherewereveryfewplacesintheArchipelagohehadnotseenintheoriginalduskoftheirbeing,beforelightandevenelectriclighthadbeencarriedintothemforthesakeofbettermoralityand——and——well——thegreaterprofit,too。ItwasatbreakfastofthemorningfollowingourtalkaboutJimthathementionedtheplace,afterIhadquotedpoorBrierly’sremark:“Lethimcreeptwentyfeetundergroundandstaythere。“Helookedupatmewithinterestedattention,asthoughIhadbeenarareinsect。“Thiscouldbedone,too,“heremarked,sippinghiscoffee。“Buryhiminsomesort,“Iexplained。“Onedoesn’tliketodoitofcourse,butitwouldbethebestthing,seeingwhatheis。““Yes;heisyoung,“Steinmused。“Theyoungesthumanbeingnowinexistence,“Iaffirmed。“Schon。There’sPatusan,“hewentoninthesametone……“Andthewomanisdeadnow,“headdedincomprehensibly。
  `OfcourseIdon’tknowthatstory;IcanonlyguessthatoncebeforePatusanhadbeenusedasagraveforsomesin,transgression,ormisfortune。
  ItisimpossibletosuspectStein。TheonlywomanthathadeverexistedforhimwastheMalaygirlhecalled“mywifetheprincess,“or,morerarelyinmomentsofexpansion,“themotherofmyEmma。“WhowasthewomanhehadmentionedinconnectionwithPatusanIcan’tsay;butfromhisallusionsIunderstandshehadbeenaneducatedandverygood-lookingDutch-Malaygirl,withatragicorperhapsonlyapitifulhistory,whosemostpainfulpartnodoubtwashermarriagewithaMalaccaPortuguesewhohadbeenclerkinsomecommercialhouseintheDutchcolonies。IgatheredfromSteinthatthismanwasanunsatisfactorypersoninmorewaysthanone,allbeingmoreorlessindefiniteandoffensive。Itwassolelyforhiswife’ssakethatSteinhadappointedhimmanagerofStein&;Co。’stradingpostinPatusan;butcommerciallythearrangementwasnotasuccess,atanyrateforthefirm,andnowthewomanhaddied,Steinwasdisposedtotryanotheragentthere。ThePortuguese,whosenamewasCornelius,consideredhimselfaverydeservingbutill-usedperson,entitledbyhisabilitiestoabetterposition。ThismanJimwouldhavetorelieve。“ButIdon’tthinkhewillgoawayfromtheplace,“remarkedStein。“Thathasnothingtodowithme。ItwasonlyforthesakeofthewomanthatI……ButasIthinkthereisadaughterleft,Ishalllethim,ifhelikestostay,keeptheoldhouse。“
  `Patusanisaremotedistrictofanative-ruledstate,andthechiefsettlementbearsthesamename。Atapointontheriveraboutfortymilesfromthesea,wherethefirsthousescomeintoview,therecanbeseenrisingabovetheleveloftheforeststhesummitsoftwosteephillsveryclosetogether,andseparatedbywhatlookslikeadeepfissure,thecleavageofsomemightystroke。Asamatteroffact,thevalleybetweenisnothingbutanarrowravine;theappearancefromthesettlementisofoneirregularlyconicalhillsplitintwo,andwiththetwohalvesleaningslightlyapart。
  Onthethirddayafterthefull,themoon,asseenfromtheopenspaceinfrontofJim’shousehehadaveryfinehouseinthenativestylewhenIvisitedhim,roseexactlybehindthesehills,itsdiffusedlightatfirstthrowingthetwomassesintointenselyblackrelief,andthenthenearlyperfectdisk,glowingruddily,appeared,glidingupwardsbetweenthesidesofthechasm,tillitfloatedawayabovethesummits,asifescapingfromayawninggraveingentletriumph。“Wonderfuleffect,“saidJimbymyside。“Worthseeing。Isitnot?“