“’HaveyouneverheardoftheLeagueoftheRed-headedMen?’heasked,withhiseyesopen。
“’Never。’
“’Why,Iwonderatthat,foryouareeligibleyourselfforoneofthevacancies。’
“’Andwhataretheyworth?’Iasked。
“’Oh,merelyacoupleofhundredayear,buttheworkisslight,anditneednotinterfereverymuchwithone’sotheroccupations。’
“Well,youcaneasilythinkthatthatmademeprickupmyears,forthebusinesshasnotbeenovergoodforsomeyears,andanextracoupleofhundredwouldhavebeenveryhandy。
“’Tellmeallaboutit,’saidI。
“’Well,’saidhe,showingmetheadvertisement,’youcanseeforyourselfthattheLeaguehasavacancy,andthereistheaddresswhereyoushouldapplyforparticulars。AsfarasIcanmakeout,theLeaguewasfoundedbyanAmericanmillionaire,EzekiahHopkins,whowasverypeculiarinhisways。Hewashimselfred-headed,andhehadagreatsympathyforallred-headedmen;so,whenhedied,itwasfoundthathehadlefthisenormousfortuneinthehandsoftrustees,withinstructionstoapplytheinteresttotheprovidingofeasyberthstomenwhosehairisofthatcolor。FromallIhearitissplendidpay,andverylittletodo。’
“’But,’saidI,’therewouldbemillionsofred-headedmenwhowouldapply。’
“’Notsomanyasyoumightthink,’heanswered。’YouseeitisreallyconfinedtoLondoners,andtogrownmen。ThisAmericanhadstartedfromLondonwhenhewasyoung,andhewantedtodotheoldtownagoodturn。Then,again,Ihavehearditisofnouseyourapplyingifyourhairislightred,ordarkred,oranythingbutreal,bright,blazing,fieryred。Now,ifyoucaredtoapply,Mr。
Wilson,youwouldjustwalkin;butperhapsitwouldhardlybeworthyourwhiletoputyourselfoutofthewayforthesakeofafewhundredpounds。’
“Nowitisafact,gentlemen,asyoumayseeforyourselves,thatmyhairisofaveryfullandrichtint,sothatitseemedtomethat,iftherewastobeanycompetitioninthematter,IstoodasgoodachanceasanymanthatIhadevermet。VincentSpauldingseemedtoknowsomuchaboutitthatIthoughthemightproveuseful,soIjustorderedhimtoputuptheshuttersfortheday,andtocomerightawaywithme。Hewasverywillingtohaveaholiday,soweshutthebusinessup,andstartedofffortheaddressthatwasgivenusintheadvertisement。
“Ineverhopetoseesuchasightasthatagain,Mr。Holmes。Fromnorth,south,east,andwesteverymanwhohadashadeofredinhishairhadtrampedintotheCitytoanswertheadvertisement。
FleetStreetwaschokedwithred-headedfolk,andPope’sCourtlookedlikeacoster’sorangebarrow。Ishouldnothavethoughtthereweresomanyinthewholecountryaswerebroughttogetherbythatsingleadvertisement。Everyshadeofcolortheywere——straw,lemon,orange,brick,Irishsetter,liver,clay;but,asSpauldingsaid,therewerenotmanywhohadtherealvividflame-coloredtint。WhenIsawhowmanywerewaiting,Iwouldhavegivenitupindespair;butSpauldingwouldnothearofit。HowhediditI
couldnotimagine,buthepushedandpulledandbutteduntilhegotmethroughthecrowd,andrightuptothestepswhichledtotheoffice。Therewasadoublestreamuponthestair,somegoingupinhope,andsomecomingbackdejected;butwewedgedinaswellaswecould,andsoonfoundourselvesintheoffice。“
“Yourexperiencehasbeenamostentertainingone,“remarkedHolmes,ashisclientpausedandrefreshedhismemorywithahugepinchofsnuff。“Praycontinueyourveryinterestingstatement。“
“Therewasnothingintheofficebutacoupleofwoodenchairsandadealtable,behindwhichsatasmallman,withaheadthatwasevenredderthanmine。Hesaidafewwordstoeachcandidateashecameup,andthenhealwaysmanagedtofindsomefaultinthemwhichwoulddisqualifythem。Gettingavacancydidnotseemtobesuchaveryeasymatterafterall。However,whenourturncame,thelittlemanwasmuchmorefavorabletomethantoanyoftheothers,andheclosedthedoorasweentered,sothathemighthaveaprivatewordwithus。
“’ThisisMr。JabezWilson,’saidmyassistant,’andheiswillingtofillavacancyintheLeague。’
“’Andheisadmirablysuitedforit,’theotheranswered。’Hehaseveryrequirement。IcannotrecallwhenIhaveseenanythingsofine。’Hetookastepbackward,cockedhisheadononeside,andgazedatmyhairuntilIfeltquitebashful。Thensuddenlyheplungedforward,wrungmyhand,andcongratulatedmewarmlyonmysuccess。
“’Itwouldbeinjusticetohesitate,’saidhe。’Youwill,however,Iamsure,excusemefortakinganobviousprecaution。’Withthatheseizedmyhairinbothhishands,andtuggeduntilIyelledwiththepain。’Thereiswaterinyoureyes,’saidhe,ashereleasedme。’Iperceivethatallisasitshouldbe。Butwehavetobecareful,forwehavetwicebeendeceivedbywigsandoncebypaint。
Icouldtellyoutalesofcobbler’swaxwhichwoulddisgustyouwithhumannature。’Hesteppedovertothewindowandshoutedthroughitatthetopofhisvoicethatthevacancywasfilled。A
groanofdisappointmentcameupfrombelow,andthefolkalltroopedawayindifferentdirections,untiltherewasnotaredheadtobeseenexceptmyownandthatofthemanager。
“’Myname,’saidhe,’isMr。DuncanRoss,andIammyselfoneofthepensionersuponthefundleftbyournoblebenefactor。Areyouamarriedman,Mr。Wilson?Haveyouafamily?’
“IansweredthatIhadnot。
“Hisfacefellimmediately。
“’Dearme!’hesaid,gravely,’thatisveryseriousindeed!Iamsorrytohearyousaythat。Thefundwas,ofcourse,forthepropagationandspreadoftheredheadsaswellasfortheirmaintenance。Itisexceedinglyunfortunatethatyoushouldbeabachelor。’
“Myfacelengthenedatthis,Mr。Holmes,forIthoughtthatIwasnottohavethevacancyafterall;but,afterthinkingitoverforafewminutes,hesaidthatitwouldbeallright。
“’Inthecaseofanother,’saidhe,’theobjectionmightbefatal,butwemuststretchapointinfavorofamanwithsuchaheadofhairasyours。Whenshallyoubeabletoenteruponyournewduties?’
“’Well,itisalittleawkward,forIhaveabusinessalready,’
saidI。
“’Oh,nevermindaboutthat,Mr。Wilson!’saidVincentSpaulding。
’Ishallbeabletolookafterthatforyou。’
“’Whatwouldbethehours?’Iasked。
“’Tentotwo。’
“Nowapawnbroker’sbusinessismostlydoneofanevening,Mr。
Holmes,especiallyThursdayandFridayevenings,whichisjustbeforepayday;soitwouldsuitmeverywelltoearnalittleinthemornings。Besides,Iknewthatmyassistantwasagoodman,andthathewouldseetoanythingthatturnedup。
“’Thatwouldsuitmeverywell,’saidI。’Andthepay?’
“’Isfourpoundsaweek。’
“’Andthework?’
“’Ispurelynominal。’
“’Whatdoyoucallpurelynominal?’
“’Well,youhavetobeintheoffice,oratleastinthebuilding,thewholetime。Ifyouleave,youforfeityourwholepositionforever。Thewillisveryclearuponthatpoint。Youdon’tcomplywiththeconditionsifyoubudgefromtheofficeduringthattime。’
“’It’sonlyfourhoursaday,andIshouldnotthinkofleaving,’
saidI。
“’Noexcusewillavail,’saidMr。DuncanRoss,’neithersickness,norbusiness,noranythingelse。Thereyoumuststay,oryouloseyourbillet。’
“’Andthework?’
“’Istocopyoutthe“EncyclopaediaBritannica。“Thereisthefirstvolumeofitinthatpress。Youmustfindyourownink,pens,andblottingpaper,butweprovidethistableandchair。
Willyoubereadyto-morrow?’
“’Certainly,’Ianswered。
“’Then,good-by,Mr。JabezWilson,andletmecongratulateyouoncemoreontheimportantpositionwhichyouhavebeenfortunateenoughtogain。’Hebowedmeoutoftheroom,andIwenthomewithmyassistanthardlyknowingwhattosayordo,Iwassopleasedatmyowngoodfortune。
“Well,Ithoughtoverthematterallday,andbyeveningIwasinlowspiritsagain;forIhadquitepersuadedmyselfthatthewholeaffairmustbesomegreathoaxorfraud,thoughwhatitsobjectmightbeIcouldnotimagine。Itseemedaltogetherpastbeliefthatanyonecouldmakesuchawill,orthattheywouldpaysuchasumfordoinganythingsosimpleascopyingoutthe’EncyclopaediaBritannica。’VincentSpauldingdidwhathecouldtocheermeup,butbybedtimeIhadreasonedmyselfoutofthewholething。
However,inthemorningIdeterminedtohavealookatitanyhow,soIboughtapennybottleofink,andwithaquillpenandsevensheetsoffoolscappaperIstartedoffforPope’sCourt。
“Well,tomysurpriseanddelighteverythingwasasrightaspossible。Thetablewassetoutreadyforme,andMr。DuncanRosswastheretoseethatIgotfairlytowork。HestartedmeoffupontheletterA,andthenheleftme;buthewoulddropinfromtimetotimetoseethatallwasrightwithme。Attwoo’clockhebademegood-day,complimentedmeupontheamountthatIhadwritten,andlockedthedooroftheofficeafterme。
“Thiswentondayafterday,Mr。Holmes,andonSaturdaythemanagercameinandplankeddownfourgoldensovereignsformyweek’swork。Itwasthesamenextweek,andthesametheweekafter。EverymorningIwasthereatten,andeveryafternoonI
leftattwo。BydegreesMr。DuncanRosstooktocominginonlyonceofamorning,andthen,afteratime,hedidnotcomeinatall。Still,ofcourse。Ineverdaredtoleavetheroomforaninstant,forIwasnotsurewhenhemightcome,andthebilletwassuchagoodone,andsuitedmesowell,thatIwouldnotriskthelossofit。
“Eightweekspassedawaylikethis,andIhadwrittenaboutAbbots,andArchery,andArmor,andArchitecture,andAttica,andhopedwithdiligencethatImightgetontotheBsbeforeverylong。Itcostmesomethinginfoolscap,andIhadprettynearlyfilledashelfwithmywritings。Andthensuddenlythewholebusinesscametoanend。“
“Toanend?“
“Yes,sir。Andnolaterthanthismorning。Iwenttomyworkasusualatteno’clock,butthedoorwasshutandlocked,withalittlesquareofcardboardhammeredontothemiddleofthepanelwithatack。Hereitis,andyoucanreadforyourself。“
Heheldupapieceofwhitecardboard,aboutthesizeofasheetofnotepaper。Itreadinthisfashion:
“THERED-HEADEDLEAGUEISDISSOLVED。
Oct。9,1890。“
SherlockHolmesandIsurveyedthiscurtannouncementandtheruefulfacebehindit,untilthecomicalsideoftheaffairsocompletelyovertoppedeveryconsiderationthatwebothburstoutintoaroaroflaughter。
“Icannotseethatthereisanythingveryfunny,“criedourclient,flushinguptotherootsofhisflaminghead。“Ifyoucandonothingbetterthanlaughatme,Icangoelsewhere。“
“No,no,“criedHolmes,shovinghimbackintothechairfromwhichhehadhalfrisen。“Ireallywouldn’tmissyourcasefortheworld。Itismostrefreshinglyunusual。Butthereis,ifyouwillexcusemysayingso,somethingjustalittlefunnyaboutit。Praywhatstepsdidyoutakewhenyoufoundthecarduponthedoor?“
“Iwasstaggered,sir。Ididnotknowwhattodo。ThenIcalledattheofficesround,butnoneofthemseemedtoknowanythingaboutit。Finally,Iwenttothelandlord,whoisanaccountantlivingonthegroundfloor,andIaskedhimifhecouldtellmewhathadbecomeoftheRed-headedLeague。Hesaidthathehadneverheardofanysuchbody。ThenIaskedhimwhoMr。DuncanRosswas。Heansweredthatthenamewasnewtohim。
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