ThenIcouldhearacuriouspatteringuponthedoor，almostlikesomeonefeelingforthehandleinthedark，andPyecraft’sfamiliargrunts。
　　“It’sallright，“Isaid，“she’sgone。“
　　Butforalongtimethedoordidn’topen。
　　Iheardthekeyturn。ThenPyecraft’svoicesaid，“Comein。“
　　Iturnedthehandleandopenedthedoor。NaturallyIexpectedtoseePyecraft。
　　Well，youknow，hewasn’tthere！
　　Ineverhadsuchashockinmylife。Therewashissitting-roominastateofuntidydisorder，platesanddishesamongthebooksandwritingthings，andseveralchairsoverturned，butPyecraft——
　　“It’sallright，o’man；shutthedoor，“hesaid，andthenI
　　discoveredhim。
　　Therehewasrightupclosetothecorniceinthecornerbythedoor，asthoughsomeonehadgluedhimtotheceiling。Hisfacewasanxiousandangry。Hepantedandgesticulated。“Shutthedoor，“hesaid。
　　“Ifthatwomangetsholdofit——“
　　Ishutthedoor，andwentandstoodawayfromhimandstared。
　　“Ifanythinggiveswayandyoutumbledown，“Isaid，“you’llbreakyourneck，Pyecraft。“
　　“IwishIcould，“hewheezed。
　　“Amanofyourageandweightgettinguptokiddishgymnastics——“
　　“Don’t，“hesaid，andlookedagonised。
　　“I’lltellyou，“hesaid，andgesticulated。
　　“Howthedeuce，“saidI，“areyouholdingonupthere？“
　　AndthenabruptlyIrealisedthathewasnotholdingonatall，thathewasfloatingupthere——justasagas-filledbladdermighthavefloatedinthesameposition。Hebeganastruggletothrusthimselfawayfromtheceilingandtoclamberdownthewalltome。
　　“It’sthatprescription，“hepanted，ashedidso。“Yourgreat-gran——“
　　Hetookholdofaframedengravingrathercarelesslyashespokeanditgaveway，andheflewbacktotheceilingagain，whilethepicturesmashedontothesofa。Bumphewentagainsttheceiling，andIknewthenwhyhewasalloverwhiteonthemoresalientcurvesandanglesofhisperson。Hetriedagainmorecarefully，comingdownbywayofthemantel。
　　Itwasreallyamostextraordinaryspectacle，thatgreat，fat，apoplectic-lookingmanupsidedownandtryingtogetfromtheceilingtothefloor。“Thatprescription，“hesaid。“Toosuccessful。“
　　“How？“
　　“Lossofweight——almostcomplete。“
　　Andthen，ofcourse，Iunderstood。
　　“ByJove，Pyecraft，“saidI，“whatyouwantedwasacureforfatness！
　　Butyoualwayscalleditweight。Youwouldcallitweight。“
　　SomehowIwasextremelydelighted。IquitelikedPyecraftforthetime。
　　“Letmehelpyou！“Isaid，andtookhishandandpulledhimdown。
　　Hekickedabout，tryingtogetafootholdsomewhere。Itwasverylikeholdingaflagonawindyday。
　　“Thattable，“hesaid，pointing，“issolidmahoganyandveryheavy。
　　Ifyoucanputmeunderthat——“
　　Idid，andtherehewallowedaboutlikeacaptiveballoon，whileIstoodonhishearthrugandtalkedtohim。
　　Ilitacigar。“Tellme，“Isaid，“whathappened？“
　　“Itookit，“hesaid。
　　“Howdidittaste？“
　　“Oh，BEASTLY！“
　　Ishouldfancytheyalldid。Whetheroneregardstheingredientsortheprobablecompoundorthepossibleresults，almostallofmygreat-grandmother’sremediesappeartomeatleasttobeextraordinarilyuninviting。Formyownpart——
　　“Itookalittlesipfirst。“
　　“Yes？“
　　“AndasIfeltlighterandbetterafteranhour，Idecidedtotakethedraught。“
　　“MydearPyecraft！“
　　“Iheldmynose，“heexplained。“AndthenIkeptongettinglighterandlighter——andhelpless，youknow。“
　　Hegavewaytoasuddenburstofpassion。“WhatthegoodnessamI
　　toDO？“hesaid。
　　“There’sonethingprettyevident，“Isaid，“thatyoumustn’tdo。
　　Ifyougooutofdoors，you’llgoupandup。“Iwavedanarmupward。
　　“They’dhavetosendSantos-Dumontafteryoutobringyoudownagain。“
　　“Isupposeitwillwearoff？“
　　Ishookmyhead。“Idon’tthinkyoucancountonthat，“Isaid。
　　Andthentherewasanotherburstofpassion，andhekickedoutatadjacentchairsandbangedthefloor。HebehavedjustasIshouldhaveexpectedagreat，fat，self-indulgentmantobehaveundertryingcircumstances——thatistosay，verybadly。Hespokeofmeandmygreat-grandmotherwithanutterwantofdiscretion。
　　“Ineveraskedyoutotakethestuff，“Isaid。
　　Andgenerouslydisregardingtheinsultshewasputtinguponme，Isatdowninhisarmchairandbegantotalktohiminasober，friendlyfashion。
　　Ipointedouttohimthatthiswasatroublehehadbroughtuponhimself，andthatithadalmostanairofpoeticaljustice。Hehadeatentoomuch。Thishedisputed，andforatimewearguedthepoint。
　　Hebecamenoisyandviolent，soIdesistedfromthisaspectofhislesson。“Andthen，“saidI，“youcommittedthesinofeuphuism。
　　YoucalleditnotFat，whichisjustandinglorious，butWeight。You——“
　　Heinterruptedtosayherecognisedallthat。WhatwashetoDO？
　　Isuggestedheshouldadapthimselftohisnewconditions。Sowecametothereallysensiblepartofthebusiness。Isuggestedthatitwouldnotbedifficultforhimtolearntowalkaboutontheceilingwithhishands——
　　“Ican’tsleep，“hesaid。
　　Butthatwasnogreatdifficulty。Itwasquitepossible，Ipointedout，tomakeashake-upunderawiremattress，fastentheunderthingsonwithtapes，andhaveablanket，sheet，andcoverlettobuttonattheside。Hewouldhavetoconfideinhishousekeeper，Isaid；
　　andaftersomesquabblingheagreedtothat。Afterwardsitwasquitedelightfultoseethebeautifullymatter-of-factwaywithwhichthegoodladytookalltheseamazinginversions。Hecouldhavealibraryladderinhisroom，andallhismealscouldbelaidonthetopofhisbookcase。Wealsohitonaningeniousdevicebywhichhecouldgettothefloorwheneverhewanted，whichwassimplytoputtheBritishEncyclopaediatentheditiononthetopofhisopenshelves。Hejustpulledoutacoupleofvolumesandheldon，anddownhecame。Andweagreedtheremustbeironstaplesalongtheskirting，sothathecouldclingtothosewheneverhewantedtogetabouttheroomonthelowerlevel。
　　AswegotonwiththethingIfoundmyselfalmostkeenlyinterested。
　　ItwasIwhocalledinthehousekeeperandbrokematterstoher，anditwasIchieflywhofixeduptheinvertedbed。Infact，Ispenttwowholedaysathisflat。Iamahandy，interferingsortofmanwithascrew-driver，andImadeallsortsofingeniousadaptationsforhim——ranawiretobringhisbellswithinreach，turnedallhiselectriclightsupinsteadofdown，andsoon。Thewholeaffairwasextremelycuriousandinterestingtome，anditwasdelightfultothinkofPyecraftlikesomegreat，fatblow-fly，crawlingaboutonhisceilingandclamberingroundthelintelsofhisdoorsfromoneroomtoanother，andnever，never，nevercomingtotheclubanymore……
　　Then，youknow，myfatalingenuitygotthebetterofme。Iwassittingbyhisfiredrinkinghiswhisky，andhewasupinhisfavouritecornerbythecornice，tackingaTurkeycarpettotheceiling，whentheideastruckme。“ByJove，Pyecraft！“Isaid，“allthisistotallyunnecessary。“
　　AndbeforeIcouldcalculatethecompleteconsequencesofmynotionIblurteditout。“Leadunderclothing，“saidI，andthemischiefwasdone。
　　Pyecraftreceivedthethingalmostintears。“Toberightwaysupagain——“hesaid。IgavehimthewholesecretbeforeIsawwhereitwouldtakeme。“Buysheetlead，“Isaid，“stampitintodiscs。
　　Sew’emalloveryourunderclothesuntilyouhaveenough。Havelead-soledboots，carryabagofsolidlead，andthethingisdone！