首页 >出版文学> Tom Brown’s Schooldays>第45章
  Arthurpressedhishand,andafteramoment’ssilencewenton,“Yousay,Tom,youwanttopleasetheDoctor。Now,doyouwanttopleasehimbywhathethinksyoudo,orbywhatyoureallydo?“
  “BywhatIreallydo,ofcourse。“
  “Doeshethinkyouusecribsandvulgus-books?“
  Tomfeltatoncethathisflankwasturned,buthecouldn’tgivein。“HewasatWinchesterhimself,“saidhe;“heknowsallaboutit。“
  “Yes;butdoeshethinkyouusethem?Doyouthinkheapprovesofit?“
  “Youyoungvillain!“saidTom,shakinghisfistatArthur,halfvexedandhalfpleased,“Ineverthinkaboutit。Hangit!
  there,perhapshedon’t。Well,Isupposehedon’t。“
  Arthursawthathehadgothispoint;heknewhisfriendwell,andwaswiseinsilenceasinspeech。Heonlysaid,“Iwouldsoonerhavethedoctor’sgoodopinionofmeasIreallyamthananyman’sintheworld。“
  Afteranotherminute,Tombeganagain,“Lookhere,youngun。
  HowonearthamItogettimetoplaythematchesthishalfifI
  giveupcribs?We’reinthemiddleofthatlongcrabbedchorusintheAgamemnon。Icanonlyjustmakeheadortailofitwiththecrib。Thenthere’sPericles’sspeechcomingoninThucydides,and’TheBirds’togetupfortheexamination,besidestheTacitus。“Tomgroanedatthethoughtofhisaccumulatedlabours。“Isay,youngun,there’sonlyfiveweeksorsolefttoholidays。Mayn’tIgoonasusualforthishalf?
  I’lltelltheDoctoraboutitsomeday,oryoumay。“
  Arthurlookedoutofthewindow。Thetwilighthadcomeon,andallwassilent。Herepeatedinalowvoice:“InthisthingtheLordpardonthyservant,thatwhenmymastergoethintothehouseofRimmontoworshipthere,andheleanethonmyhand,andIbowdownmyselfinthehouseofRimmon,whenIbowdownmyselfinthehouseofRimmon,theLordpardonthyservantinthisthing。“
  Notawordmorewassaidonthesubject,andtheboyswereagainsilent——oneofthoseblessed,shortsilencesinwhichtheresolveswhichcolouralifearesooftentaken。
  Tomwasthefirsttobreakit。“You’vebeenveryillindeed,haven’tyou,Geordie?“saidhe,withamixtureofaweandcuriosity,feelingasifhisfriendhadbeen1nsomestrangeplaceorscene,ofwhichhecouldformnoidea,andfullofthememoryofhisownthoughtsduringthelastweek。
  “Yes,very。I’msuretheDoctorthoughtIwasgoingtodie。HegavemetheSacramentlastSunday,andyoucan’tthinkwhatheiswhenoneisill。Hesaidsuchbrave,andtender,andgentlethingstome,Ifeltquitelightandstrongafterit,andneverhadanymorefear。Mymotherbroughtouroldmedicalman,whoattendedmewhenIwasapoorsicklychild。Hesaidmyconstitutionwasquitechanged,andthatI’mfitforanythingnow。Ifithadn’t,Icouldn’thavestoodthreedaysofthisillness。That’sallthankstoyou,andthegamesyou’vemademefondof。“
  “MorethankstooldMartin,“saidTom;“he’sbeenyourrealfriend。“
  “Nonsense,Tom;henevercouldhavedoneformewhatyouhave。“
  “Well,Idon’tknow;Ididlittleenough。Didtheytellyou——
  youwon’tmindhearingitnow,Iknow——thatpoorThompsondiedlastweek?Theotherthreeboysaregettingquiteround,likeyou。“
  “Ohyes,Iheardofit。“
  ThenTom,whowasquitefullofit,toldArthuroftheburial-
  serviceinthechapel,andhowithadimpressedhim,and,hebelieved,alltheotherboys。“AndthoughtheDoctorneversaidawordaboutit,“saidhe,“anditwasahalf-holidayandmatch-
  day,therewasn’tagameplayedintheclosealltheafternoon,andtheboysallwentaboutasifitwereSunday。“
  “I’mverygladofit,“saidArthur。“But,Tom,I’vehadsuchstrangethoughtsaboutdeathlately。I’venevertoldasoulofthem,notevenmymother。SometimesIthinkthey’rewrong,but,doyouknow,Idon’tthinkinmyheartIcouldbesorryatthedeathofanyofmyfriends。“
  Tomwastakenquiteaback。“Whatintheworldistheyoungunafternow?“thoughthe;“I’veswallowedagoodmanyofhiscrotchets,butthisaltogetherbeatsme。Hecan’tbequiterightinhishead。“Hedidn’twanttosayaword,andshiftedaboutuneasilyinthedark;however,Arthurseemedtobewaitingforananswer,soatlasthesaid,“Idon’tthinkIquiteseewhatyoumean,Geordie。One’stoldsooftentothinkaboutdeaththatI’vetrieditonsometimes,especiallythislastweek。Butwewon’ttalkofitnow。I’dbettergo。You’regettingtired,andIshalldoyouharm。“
  “No,no;indeedIain’t,Tom。Youmuststoptillnine;there’sonlytwentyminutes。I’vesettledyoushallstoptillnine。
  Andoh!doletmetalktoyou——Imusttalktoyou。Iseeit’sjustasIfeared。YouthinkI’mhalfmad。Don’tyou,now?“
  “Well,Ididthinkitoddwhatyousaid,Geordie,asyouaskme。“
  Arthurpausedamoment,andthensaidquickly,“I’lltellyouhowitallhappened。Atfirst,whenIwassenttothesick-
  room,andfoundIhadreallygotthefever,Iwasterriblyfrightened。IthoughtIshoulddie,andIcouldnotfaceitforamoment。Idon’tthinkitwassheercowardiceatfirst,butI
  thoughthowharditwastobetakenawayfrommymotherandsistersandyouall,justasIwasbeginningtoseemywaytomanythings,andtofeelthatImightbeamananddoaman’swork。Todiewithouthavingfought,andworked,andgivenone’slifeaway,wastoohardtobear。Igotterriblyimpatient,andaccusedGodofinjustice,andstrovetojustifymyself。AndtheharderIstrovethedeeperIsank。Thentheimageofmydearfatheroftencameacrossme,butIturnedfromit。Wheneveritcame,aheavy,numbingthrobseemedtotakeholdofmyheart,andsay,’Dead-dead-dead。’AndIcriedout,’Theliving,thelivingshallpraiseThee,OGod;thedeadcannotpraisethee。
  Thereisnoworkinthegrave;inthenightnomancanwork。
  ButIcanwork。Icandogreatthings。Iwilldogreatthings。
  Whywiltthouslayme?’AndsoIstruggledandplunged,deeperanddeeper,andwentdownintoalivingblacktomb。Iwasalonethere,withnopowertostirorthink;alonewithmyself;beyondthereachofallhumanfellowship;beyondChrist’sreach,I
  thought,inmynightmare。You,whoarebraveandbrightandstrong,canhavenoideaofthatagony。PraytoGodyounevermay。Prayasforyourlife。“
  Arthurstopped——fromexhaustion,Tomthought;butwhatbetweenhisfearlestArthurshouldhurthimself,hisawe,andhislongingforhimtogoon,hecouldn’task,orstirtohelphim。
  Presentlyhewenton,butquitecalmandslow。“Idon’tknowhowlongIwasinthatstate——formorethanaday,Iknow;forIwasquiteconscious,andlivedmyouterlifeallthetime,andtookmymedicines,andspoketomymother,andheardwhattheysaid。ButIdidn’ttakemuchnoteoftime。Ithoughttimewasoverforme,andthatthattombwaswhatwasbeyond。Well,onlastSundaymorning,asIseemedtolieinthattomb,alone,asIthought,foreverandever,theblack,deadwallwascleftintwo,andIwascaughtupandbornethroughintothelightbysomegreatpower,someliving,mightyspirit。Tom,doyourememberthelivingcreaturesandthewheelsinEzekiel?Itwasjustlikethat。’Whentheywent,Iheardthenoiseoftheirwings,likethenoiseofgreatwaters,asthevoiceoftheAlmighty,thevoiceofspeech,asthenoiseofanhost;whentheystood,theyletdowntheirwings。’’Andtheywenteveryonestraightforward:whitherthespiritwastogo,theywent;
  andtheyturnednotwhentheywent。’Andwerushedthroughthebrightair,whichwasfullofmyriadsoflivingcreatures,andpausedonthebrinkofagreatriver。Andthepowerheldmeup,andIknewthatthatgreatriverwasthegrave,anddeathdweltthere,butnotthedeathIhadmetintheblacktomb。That,I
  felt,wasgoneforever。ForontheotherbankofthegreatriverIsawmenandwomenandchildrenrisinguppureandbright,andthetearswerewipedfromtheireyes,andtheyputongloryandstrength,andallwearinessandpainfellaway。
  Andbeyondwereamultitudewhichnomancouldnumber,andtheyworkedatsomegreatwork;andtheywhorosefromtheriverwentonandjoinedinthework。Theyallworked,andeachworkedinadifferentway,butallatthesamework。AndIsawtheremyfather,andthemenintheoldtownwhomIknewwhenIwasachild——manyahard,sternman,whonevercametochurch,andwhomtheycalledatheistandinfidel。Theretheywere,sidebysidewithmyfather,whomIhadseentoilanddieforthem,andwomenandlittlechildren,andthesealwasontheforeheadsofall。AndIlongedtoseewhattheworkwas,andcouldnot;soI
  triedtoplungeintheriver,forIthoughtIwouldjointhem,butIcouldnot。ThenIlookedabouttoseehowtheygotintotheriver。AndthisIcouldnotsee,butIsawmyriadsonthisside,andtheytooworked,andIknewthatitwasthesamework,andthesamesealwasontheirforeheads。AndthoughIsawthattherewastoilandanguishintheworkofthese,andthatmostthatwereworkingwereblindandfeeble,yetIlongednomoretoplungeintotheriver,butmoreandmoretoknowwhattheworkwas。AndasIlookedIsawmymotherandmysisters,andIsawtheDoctor,andyou,Tom,andhundredsmorewhomIknew;andatlastIsawmyselftoo,andIwastoilinganddoingeversolittleapieceofthegreatwork。Thenitallmeltedaway,andthepowerleftme,andasitleftmeIthoughtIheardavoicesay,’Thevisionisforanappointedtime;thoughittarry,waitforit,forintheenditshallspeakandnotlie,itshallsurelycome,itshallnottarry。’ItwasearlymorningIknow,then——itwassoquietandcool,andmymotherwasfastasleepinthechairbymybedside;butitwasn’tonlyadreamofmine。
  Iknowitwasn’tadream。ThenIfellintoadeepsleep,andonlywokeafterafternoonchapel;andtheDoctorcameandgavemetheSacrament,asItoldyou。ItoldhimandmymotherI
  shouldgetwell——IknewIshould;butIcouldn’ttellthemwhy。