首页 >出版文学> The Voyage Out>第54章

第54章

  EvenMr。Hirst,whomshehaddislikedwhenshefirstmethim,reallywasn’tdisagreeable;and,poorman,healwayslookedsoill;
  perhapshewasinlove;perhapshehadbeeninlovewithRachel——
  shereallyshouldn’twonder;orperhapsitwasEvelyn——shewasofcourseveryattractivetomen。Leaningforward,shewentonwiththeconversation。Shesaidthatshethoughtthatthereasonwhypartiesweresodullwasmainlybecausegentlemenwillnotdress:
  eveninLondon,shestated,itstruckherverymuchhowpeopledon’tthinkitnecessarytodressintheevening,andofcourseiftheydon’tdressinLondontheywon’tdressinthecountry。
  ItwasreallyquiteatreatatChristmas-timewhenthereweretheHuntballs,andthegentlemenworeniceredcoats,butArthurdidn’tcarefordancing,soshesupposedthattheywouldn’tgoeventotheballintheirlittlecountrytown。Shedidn’tthinkthatpeoplewhowerefondofonesportoftencareforanother,althoughherfatherwasanexception。Butthenhewasanexceptionineveryway——suchagardener,andheknewallaboutbirdsandanimals,andofcoursehewassimplyadoredbyalltheoldwomeninthevillage,andatthesametimewhathereallylikedbestwasabook。
  Youalwaysknewwheretofindhimifhewerewanted;hewouldbeinhisstudywithabook。Verylikelyitwouldbeanold,oldbook,somefustyoldthingthatnooneelsewoulddreamofreading。
  Sheusedtotellhimthathewouldhavemadeafirst-rateoldbookwormifonlyhehadn’thadafamilyofsixtosupport,andsixchildren,sheadded,charminglyconfidentofuniversalsympathy,didn’tleaveonemuchtimeforbeingabookworm。
  Stilltalkingaboutherfather,ofwhomshewasveryproud,sherose,forArthuruponlookingathiswatchfoundthatitwastimetheywentbackagaintothetenniscourt。Theothersdidnotmove。
  “They’reveryhappy!“saidMrs。Thornbury,lookingbenignantlyafterthem。Rachelagreed;theyseemedtobesocertainofthemselves;
  theyseemedtoknowexactlywhattheywanted。
  “D’youthinkthey_are_happy?“EvelynmurmuredtoTerenceinanundertone,andshehopedthathewouldsaythathedidnotthinkthemhappy;but,instead,hesaidthattheymustgotoo——gohome,fortheywerealwaysbeinglateformeals,andMrs。Ambrose,whowasverysternandparticular,didn’tlikethat。EvelynlaidholdofRachel’sskirtandprotested。Whyshouldtheygo?
  Itwasstillearly,andshehadsomanythingstosaytothem。
  “No,“saidTerence,“wemustgo,becausewewalksoslowly。Westopandlookatthings,andwetalk。“
  “Whatd’youtalkabout?“Evelynenquired,uponwhichhelaughedandsaidthattheytalkedabouteverything。
  Mrs。Thornburywentwiththemtothegate,trailingveryslowlyandgracefullyacrossthegrassandthegravel,andtalkingallthetimeaboutflowersandbirds。Shetoldthemthatshehadtakenupthestudyofbotanysinceherdaughtermarried,anditwaswonderfulwhatanumberofflowerstherewerewhichshehadneverseen,althoughshehadlivedinthecountryallherlifeandshewasnowseventy-two。Itwasagoodthingtohavesomeoccupationwhichwasquiteindependentofotherpeople,shesaid,whenonegotold。
  Buttheoddthingwasthatoneneverfeltold。Shealwaysfeltthatshewastwenty-five,notadaymoreoradayless,but,ofcourse,onecouldn’texpectotherpeopletoagreetothat。
  “Itmustbeverywonderfultobetwenty-five,andnotmerelytoimaginethatyou’retwenty-five,“shesaid,lookingfromonetotheotherwithhersmooth,brightglance。“Itmustbeverywonderful,verywonderfulindeed。“Shestoodtalkingtothematthegateforalongtime;sheseemedreluctantthattheyshouldgo。
  Theafternoonwasveryhot,sohotthatthebreakingofthewavesontheshoresoundedliketherepeatedsighofsomeexhaustedcreature,andevenontheterraceunderanawningthebrickswerehot,andtheairdancedperpetuallyovertheshortdrygrass。
  Theredflowersinthestonebasinsweredroopingwiththeheat,andthewhiteblossomswhichhadbeensosmoothandthickonlyafewweeksagowerenowdry,andtheiredgeswerecurledandyellow。
  Onlythestiffandhostileplantsofthesouth,whosefleshyleavesseemedtobegrownuponspines,stillremainedstandinguprightanddefiedthesuntobeatthemdown。Itwastoohottotalk,anditwasnoteasytofindanybookthatwouldwithstandthepowerofthesun。Manybookshadbeentriedandthenletfall,andnowTerencewasreadingMiltonaloud,becausehesaidthewordsofMiltonhadsubstanceandshape,sothatitwasnotnecessarytounderstandwhathewassaying;onecouldmerelylistentohiswords;onecouldalmosthandlethem。
  Thereisagentlenymphnotfarfromhence,heread,ThatwithmoistcurbswaysthesmoothSevernstream。
  Sabrinaishername,avirginpure;
  WhilomshewasthedaughterofLocrine,ThathadthesceptrefromhisfatherBrute。
  Thewords,inspiteofwhatTerencehadsaid,seemedtobeladenwithmeaning,andperhapsitwasforthisreasonthatitwaspainfultolistentothem;theysoundedstrange;theymeantdifferentthingsfromwhattheyusuallymeant。Rachelatanyratecouldnotkeepherattentionfixeduponthem,butwentoffuponcurioustrainsofthoughtsuggestedbywordssuchas“curb“and“Locrine“and“Brute,“
  whichbroughtunpleasantsightsbeforehereyes,independentlyoftheirmeaning。Owingtotheheatandthedancingairthegardentoolookedstrange——thetreeswereeithertoonearortoofar,andherheadalmostcertainlyached。Shewasnotquitecertain,andthereforeshedidnotknow,whethertotellTerencenow,ortolethimgoonreading。Shedecidedthatshewouldwaituntilhecametotheendofastanza,andifbythattimeshehadturnedherheadthiswayandthat,anditachedineverypositionundoubtedly,shewouldsayverycalmlythatherheadached。
  Sabrinafair,ListenwherethouartsittingUndertheglassy,cool,translucentwave,IntwistedbraidsofliliesknittingTheloosetrainofthyamberdroppinghair,Listenfordearhonour’ssake,Goddessofthesilverlake,Listenandsave!
  Butherheadached;itachedwhicheverwaysheturnedit。
  Shesatupandsaidasshehaddetermined,“MyheadachessothatIshallgoindoors。“Hewashalf-waythroughthenextverse,buthedroppedthebookinstantly。
  “Yourheadaches?“herepeated。
  Forafewmomentstheysatlookingatoneanotherinsilence,holdingeachother’shands。Duringthistimehissenseofdismayandcatastrophewerealmostphysicallypainful;allroundhimheseemedtoheartheshiverofbrokenglasswhich,asitfelltoearth,lefthimsittingintheopenair。Butattheendoftwominutes,noticingthatshewasnotsharinghisdismay,butwasonlyrathermorelanguidandheavy-eyedthanusual,herecovered,fetchedHelen,andaskedhertotellhimwhattheyhadbetterdo,forRachelhadaheadache。
  Mrs。Ambrosewasnotdiscomposed,butadvisedthatsheshouldgotobed,andaddedthatshemustexpectherheadtoacheifshesatuptoallhoursandwentoutintheheat,butafewhoursinbedwouldcureitcompletely。Terencewasunreasonablyreassuredbyherwords,ashehadbeenunreasonablydepressedthemomentbefore。Helen’ssenseseemedtohavemuchincommonwiththeruthlessgoodsenseofnature,whichavengedrashnessbyaheadache,and,likenature’sgoodsense,mightbedependedupon。
  Rachelwenttobed;shelayinthedark,itseemedtoher,foraverylongtime,butatlength,wakingfromatransparentkindofsleep,shesawthewindowswhiteinfrontofher,andrecollectedthatsometimebeforeshehadgonetobedwithaheadache,andthatHelenhadsaiditwouldbegonewhenshewoke。
  Shesupposed,therefore,thatshewasnowquitewellagain。
  Atthesametimethewallofherroomwaspainfullywhite,andcurvedslightly,insteadofbeingstraightandflat。Turninghereyestothewindow,shewasnotreassuredbywhatshesawthere。
  Themovementoftheblindasitfilledwithairandblewslowlyout,drawingthecordwithalittletrailingsoundalongthefloor,seemedtoherterrifying,asifitwerethemovementofananimalintheroom。
  Sheshuthereyes,andthepulseinherheadbeatsostronglythateachthumpseemedtotreaduponanerve,piercingherforeheadwithalittlestabofpain。Itmightnotbethesameheadache,butshecertainlyhadaheadache。Sheturnedfromsidetoside,inthehopethatthecoolnessofthesheetswouldcureher,andthatwhenshenextopenedhereyestolooktheroomwouldbeasusual。
  Afteraconsiderablenumberofvainexperiments,sheresolvedtoputthematterbeyondadoubt。Shegotoutofbedandstoodupright,holdingontothebrassballattheendofthebedstead。
  Ice-coldatfirst,itsoonbecameashotasthepalmofherhand,andasthepainsinherheadandbodyandtheinstabilityofthefloorprovedthatitwouldbefarmoreintolerabletostandandwalkthantolieinbed,shegotintobedagain;butthoughthechangewasrefreshingatfirst,thediscomfortofbedwassoonasgreatasthediscomfortofstandingup。Sheacceptedtheideathatshewouldhavetostayinbedalldaylong,andasshelaidherheadonthepillow,relinquishedthehappinessoftheday。
  WhenHelencameinanhourortwolater,suddenlystoppedhercheerfulwords,lookedstartledforasecondandthenunnaturallycalm,thefactthatshewasillwasputbeyondadoubt。Itwasconfirmedwhenthewholehouseholdknewofit,whenthesongthatsomeonewassinginginthegardenstoppedsuddenly,andwhenMaria,asshebroughtwater,slippedpastthebedwithavertedeyes。
  Therewasallthemorningtogetthrough,andthenalltheafternoon,andatintervalsshemadeanefforttocrossoverintotheordinaryworld,butshefoundthatherheatanddiscomforthadputagulfbetweenherworldandtheordinaryworldwhichshecouldnotbridge。
  Atonepointthedooropened,andHelencameinwithalittledarkmanwhohad——itwasthechiefthingshenoticedabouthim——
  veryhairyhands。Shewasdrowsyandintolerablyhot,andasheseemedshyandobsequiousshescarcelytroubledtoanswerhim,althoughsheunderstoodthathewasadoctor。AtanotherpointthedooropenedandTerencecameinverygently,smilingtoosteadily,assherealised,forittobenatural。Hesatdownandtalkedtoher,strokingherhandsuntilitbecameirksometohertolieanymoreinthesamepositionandsheturnedround,andwhenshelookedupagainHelenwasbesideherandTerencehadgone。Itdidnotmatter;
  shewouldseehimto-morrowwhenthingswouldbeordinaryagain。
  Herchiefoccupationduringthedaywastotrytorememberhowthelineswent:
  Undertheglassy,cool,translucentwave,IntwistedbraidsofliliesknittingTheloosetrainofthyamberdroppinghair;
  andtheeffortworriedherbecausetheadjectivespersistedingettingintothewrongplaces。
  Theseconddaydidnotdifferverymuchfromthefirstday,exceptthatherbedhadbecomeveryimportant,andtheworldoutside,whenshetriedtothinkofit,appeareddistinctlyfurtheroff。
  Theglassy,cool,translucentwavewasalmostvisiblebeforeher,curlingupattheendofthebed,andasitwasrefreshinglycoolshetriedtokeephermindfixeduponit。Helenwashere,andHelenwastherealldaylong;sometimesshesaidthatitwaslunchtime,andsometimesthatitwasteatime;butbythenextdayalllandmarkswereobliterated,andtheouterworldwassofarawaythatthedifferentsounds,suchasthesoundsofpeoplemovingoverhead,couldonlybeascribedtotheircausebyagreateffortofmemory。
  Therecollectionofwhatshehadfelt,orofwhatshehadbeendoingandthinkingthreedaysbefore,hadfadedentirely。
  Ontheotherhand,everyobjectintheroom,andthebeditself,andherownbodywithitsvariouslimbsandtheirdifferentsensationsweremoreandmoreimportanteachday。Shewascompletelycutoff,andunabletocommunicatewiththerestoftheworld,isolatedalonewithherbody。
  Hoursandhourswouldpassthus,withoutgettinganyfurtherthroughthemorning,oragainafewminuteswouldleadfrombroaddaylighttothedepthsofthenight。Oneeveningwhentheroomappearedverydim,eitherbecauseitwaseveningorbecausetheblindsweredrawn,Helensaidtoher,“Someoneisgoingtosithereto-night。Youwon’tmind?“
  Openinghereyes,RachelsawnotonlyHelenbutanurseinspectacles,whosefacevaguelyrecalledsomethingthatshehadonceseen。
  Shehadseenherinthechapel。“NurseMcInnis,“saidHelen,andthenursesmiledsteadilyastheyalldid,andsaidthatshedidnotfindmanypeoplewhowerefrightenedofher。Afterwaitingforamomenttheybothdisappeared,andhavingturnedonherpillowRachelwoketofindherselfinthemidstofoneofthoseinterminablenightswhichdonotendattwelve,butgoonintothedoublefigures