presentlytoldthepeopleofthehouse,thatIdursttosaythose
werenotthepersons,forthatIknewoneofthegentlemento
beaveryhonestperson,andofagoodestateinLancashire。
Theconstablewhocamewiththehue-and-crywasimmediately
informedofthis,andcameovertometobesatisfiedfrommy
ownmouth,andIassuredhimthatIsawthethreegentlemen
asIwasatthewindow;thatIsawthemafterwardsatthe
windowsoftheroomtheydinedin;thatIsawthemafterwards
takehorse,andIcouldassurehimIknewoneofthemtobe
suchaman,thathewasagentlemanofaverygoodestate,and
anundoubtedcharacterinLancashire,fromwhenceIwasjust
nowuponmyjourney。
TheassurancewithwhichIdeliveredthisgavethemobgentry
acheck,andgavetheconstablesuchsatisfaction,thathe
immediatelysoundedaretreat,toldhispeoplethesewerenot
themen,butthathehadanaccounttheywereveryhonest
gentlemen;andsotheywentallbackagain。
Whatthetruthof
thematterwasIknewnot,butcertainitwasthatthecoaches
wererobbedatDunstableHill,and#560inmoneytaken;
besides,someofthelacemerchantsthatalwaystravelthatway
hadbeenvisitedtoo。
Astothethreegentlemen,thatremains
tobeexplainedhereafter。
Well,thisalarmstoppedusanotherday,thoughmyspouse
wasfortravelling,andtoldmethatitwasalwayssafesttravelling
afterarobbery,forthatthethievesweresuretobegonefar
enoughoffwhentheyhadalarmedthecountry;butIwasafraid
anduneasy,andindeedprincipallylestmyoldacquaintance
shouldbeupontheroadstill,andshouldchancetoseeme。
Ineverlivedfourpleasanterdaystogetherinmylife。
Iwasa
merebrideallthiswhile,andmynewspousestrovetomake
meentirelyeasyineverything。
Ohcouldthisstateoflifehave
continued,howhadallmypasttroublesbeenforgot,andmy
futuresorrowsavoided!
ButIhadapastlifeofamostwretched
kindtoaccountfor,someifitinthisworldaswellasinanother。
Wecameawaythefifthday;andmylandlord,becausehesaw
meuneasy,mountedhimself,hisson,andthreehonestcountry
fellowswithgoodfirearms,and,withouttellingusofit,
followedthecoach,andwouldseeussafeintoDunstable。
coulddonolessthantreatthemveryhandsomelyatDunstable,
whichcostmyspouseabouttenortwelveshillings,and
somethinghegavethemenfortheirtimetoo,butmylandlord
wouldtakenothingforhimself。
Thiswasthemosthappycontrivanceformethatcouldhave
fallenout;forhadIcometoLondonunmarried,Imusteither
havecometohimforthefirstnight’sentertainment,orhave
discoveredtohimthatIhadnotoneacquaintanceinthewhole
cityofLondonthatcouldreceiveapoorbridgeforthefirst
night’slodgingwithherspouse。
Butnow,beinganoldmarried
woman,Imadenoscrupleofgoingdirectlyhomewithhim,
andthereItookpossessionatonceofahousewellfurnished,
andahusbandinverygoodcircumstances,sothatIhada
prospectofaveryhappylife,ifIknewhowtomanageit;and
IhadleisuretoconsideroftherealvalueofthelifeIwaslikely
tolive。
Howdifferentitwastobefromthelooseungoverned
partIhadactedbefore,andhowmuchhappieralifeofvirtue
andsobrietyis,thanthatwhichwecallalifeofpleasure。
Ohhadthisparticularsceneoflifelasted,orhadIlearned
fromthattimeIenjoyedit,tohavetastedthetruesweetness
ofit,andhadInotfallenintothatpovertywhichisthesure
baneofvirtue,howhappyhadIbeen,notonlyhere,butperhaps
forever!
forwhileIlivedthus,Iwasreallyapenitentforall
mylifepast。
Ilookedbackonitwithabhorrence,andmight
trulybesaidtohatemyselfforit。
Ioftenreflectedhowmy
loverattheBath,struckatthehandofGod,repentedand
abandonedme,andrefusedtoseemeanymore,thoughhe
lovedmetoanextreme;butI,promptedbythatworstof
devils,poverty,returnedtothevilepractice,andmadethe
advantageofwhattheycallahandsomefacetobetherelief
tomynecessities,andbeautybeapimptovice。
NowIseemedlandedinasafeharbour,afterthestormyvoyage
oflifepastwasatanend,andIbegantobethankfulformy
deliverance。
Isatmanyanhourbymyself,andweptoverthe
remembranceofpastfollies,andthedreadfulextravagances
ofawickedlife,andsometimesIflatteredmyselfthatIhad
sincerelyrepented。
Buttherearetemptationswhichitisnotinthepowerofhuman
naturetoresist,andfewknowwhatwouldbetheircaseif
driventothesameexigencies。
Ascovetousnessistherootof
allevil,sopovertyis,Ibelieve,theworstofallsnares。
ButI
waivethatdiscoursetillIcometoanexperiment。
Ilivewiththishusbandwiththeutmosttranquillity;hewasa
quiet,sensible,soberman;virtuous,modest,sincere,andin
hisbusinessdiligentandjust。
Hisbusinesswasinanarrow
compass,andhisincomesufficienttoaplentifulwayofliving
intheordinaryway。
Idonotsaytokeepanequipage,and
makeafigure,astheworldcallsit,nordidIexpectit,ordesire
it;forasIabhorredthelevityandextravaganceofmyformer
life,soIchosenowtoliveretired,frugal,andwithinourselves。
Ikeptnocompany,madenovisits;mindedmyfamily,and
obligedmyhusband;andthiskindoflifebecameapleasuretome。
Welivedinanuninterruptedcourseofeaseandcontentfor
fiveyears,whenasuddenblowfromanalmostinvisiblehand
blastedallmyhappiness,andturnedmeoutintotheworldin
aconditionthereverseofallthathadbeenbeforeit。
Myhusbandhavingtrustedoneofhisfellow-clerkswithasum
ofmoney,toomuchforourfortunestobearthelossof,the
clerkfailed,andthelossfellveryheavyonmyhusband,yetit
wasnotsogreatneitherbutthat,ifhehadhadspiritandcourage
tohavelookedhismisfortunesintheface,hiscreditwasso
goodthat,asItoldhim,hewouldeasilyrecoverit;fortosink
undertroubleistodoubletheweight,andhethatwilldieinit,
shalldieinit。
Itwasinvaintospeakcomfortablytohim;thewoundhad
sunktoodeep;itwasastabthattouchedthevitals;hegrew
melancholyanddisconsolate,andfromthencelethargic,and
died。
Iforesawtheblow,andwasextremelyoppressedinmy
mind,forIsawevidentlythatifhediedIwasundone。
Ihadhadtwochildrenbyhimandnomore,for,totellthe
truth,itbegantobetimeformetoleavebearingchildren,for
Iwasnoweight-and-forty,andIsupposeifhehadlivedI
shouldhavehadnomore。
Iwasnowleftinadismalanddisconsolatecaseindeed,and
inseveralthingsworsethanever。
First,itwaspastthe
flourishingtimewithmewhenImightexpecttobecourted
foramistress;thatagreeableparthaddeclinedsometime,and
theruinsonlyappearedofwhathadbeen;andthatwhichwas
worsethanallthis,thatIwasthemostdejected,disconsolate
creaturealive。
Ithathadencouragedmyhusband,and
endeavouredtosupporthisspiritsunderhistrouble,couldnot
supportmyown;IwantedthatspiritintroublewhichItold
himwassonecessarytohimforbearingtheburthen。
Butmycasewasindeeddeplorable,forIwasleftperfectly
friendlessandhelpless,andthelossmyhusbandhadsustained
hadreducedhiscircumstancessolow,thatthoughindeedI
wasnotindebt,yetIcouldeasilyforeseethatwhatwasleft
wouldnotsupportmelong;thatwhileitwasteddailyfor
subsistence,Ihadnotwaytoincreaseitoneshilling,sothat
itwouldbesoonallspent,andthenIsawnothingbeforeme
buttheutmostdistress;andthisrepresenteditselfsolivelyto
mythoughts,thatitseemedasifitwascome,beforeitwas
reallyverynear;alsomyveryapprehensionsdoubledthemisery,
forIfanciedeverysixpencethatIpaidforaloafofbreadwas
thelastthatIhadintheworld,andthatto-morrowIwasto
fast,andbestarvedtodeath。
InthisdistressIhadnoassistant,nofriendtocomfortor
adviseme;Isatandcriedandtormentedmyselfnightandday,
wringingmyhands,andsometimesravinglikeadistracted
woman;andindeedIhaveoftenwonderedithadnotaffected
myreason,forIhadthevapourstosuchadegree,thatmy
understandingwassometimesquitelostinfanciesand
imaginations。
Ilivedtwoyearsinthisdismalcondition,wastingthatlittleI
had,weepingcontinuallyovermydismalcircumstances,and,
asitwere,onlybleedingtodeath,withouttheleasthopeor
prospectofhelpfromGodorman;andnowIhadcriedtoo
long,andsooften,thattearswere,asImightsay,exhausted,
andIbegantobedesperate,forIgrewpoorapace。
ForalittlereliefIhadputoffmyhouseandtooklodgings;
andasIwasreducingmyliving,soIsoldoffmostofmygoods,
whichputalittlemoneyinmypocket,andIlivednearayear
uponthat,spendingverysparingly,anekingthingsouttothe
utmost;butstillwhenIlookedbeforeme,myveryheartwould
sinkwithinmeattheinevitableapproachofmiseryandwant。
Ohletnonereadthispartwithoutseriouslyreflectingonthe
circumstancesofadesolatestate,andhowtheywouldgrapple
withmerewantoffriendsandwantofbread;itwillcertainly
makethemthinknotofsparingwhattheyhaveonly,butof
lookinguptoheavenforsupport,andofthewiseman’sprayer,
’Givemenotpoverty,lestIsteal。’
Letthemrememberthatatimeofdistressisatimeofdreadful
temptation,andallthestrengthtoresististakenaway;
poverty
presses,thesoulismadedesperatebydistress,andwhatcan
bedone?
Itwasoneevening,whenbeingbrought,asImay
say,tothelastgasp,IthinkImaytrulysayIwasdistracted
andraving,whenpromptedbyIknownotwhatspirit,and,as
itwere,doingIdidnotknowwhatorwhy,Idressedmefor
Ihadstillprettygoodclothesandwentout。
Iamverysure
IhadnomannerofdesigninmyheadwhenIwentout;Ineither
knewnorconsideredwheretogo,oronwhatbusiness;butas
thedevilcarriedmeoutandlaidhisbaitforme,sohebrought
me,tobesure,totheplace,forIknewnotwhitherIwasgoing
orwhatIdid。
Wanderingthusabout,Iknewnotwhither,Ipassedbyan
apothecary’sshopinLeadenhallStreet,whenIsawlieona
stooljustbeforethecounteralittlebundlewrappedinawhite
cloth;beyonditstoodamaid-servantwithherbacktoit,
lookingtowardsthetopoftheshop,wheretheapothecary’s
apprentice,asIsuppose,wasstandinguponthecounter,with
hisbackalsotothedoor,andacandleinhishand,looking
andreachinguptotheuppershelfforsomethinghewanted,
sothatbothwereengagedmightyearnestly,andnobodyelse
intheshop。
Thiswasthebait;andthedevil,whoIsaidlaidthesnare,as
readilypromptedmeasifhehadspoke,forIremember,and
shallneverforgetit,’twaslikeavoicespokentomeovermy
shoulder,’Takethebundle;bequick;doitthismoment。’
第39章