首页 >出版文学> Told After Supper>第1章
  Maybehehasforgottenwherehereallydidputit,andistryingtoremember。I’llgivehimanotherchance。"
  TheghostappearedgratefulanddelightedatseeingJoepreparetofollowhim,andledthewayintotheattic,pointedtotheceiling,andvanished。
  "Well,he’shititthistime,Idohope,"saidmybrother—in—law;
  andnextdaytheysettoworktotaketheroofofftheplace。
  Ittookthemthreedaystogettheroofthoroughlyoff,andalltheyfoundwasabird’snest;aftersecuringwhichtheycoveredupthehousewithtarpaulins,tokeepitdry。
  Youmighthavethoughtthatwouldhavecuredthepoorfellowoflookingfortreasure。Butitdidn’t。
  Hesaidtheremustbesomethinginitall,ortheghostwouldneverkeeponcomingasitdid;andthat,havinggonesofar,hewouldgoontotheend,andsolvethemystery,costwhatitmight。
  Nightafternight,hewouldgetoutofhisbedandfollowthatspectraloldfraudaboutthehouse。Eachnight,theoldmanwouldindicateadifferentplace;and,oneachfollowingday,mybrother—
  in—lawwouldproceedtobreakupthemillatthepointindicated,andlookforthetreasure。Attheendofthreeweeks,therewasnotaroominthemillfittolivein。Everywallhadbeenpulleddown,everyfloorhadbeentakenup,everyceilinghadhadaholeknockedinit。Andthen,assuddenlyastheyhadbegun,theghost’svisitsceased;andmybrother—in—lawwasleftinpeace,torebuildtheplaceathisleisure。
  "Whatinducedtheoldimagetoplaysuchasillytrickuponafamilymanandaratepayer?"Ah!that’sjustwhatIcannottellyou。
  Somesaidthattheghostofthewickedoldmanhaddoneittopunishmybrother—in—lawfornotbelievinginhimatfirst;whileothersheldthattheapparitionwasprobablythatofsomedeceasedlocalplumberandglazier,whowouldnaturallytakeaninterestinseeingahouseknockedaboutandspoilt。Butnobodyknewanythingforcertain。
  INTERLUDE
  Wehadsomemorepunch,andthenthecuratetoldusastory。
  Icouldnotmakeheadortailofthecurate’sstory,soIcannotretailittoyou。Wenoneofuscouldmakeheadortailofthatstory。Itwasagoodstoryenough,sofarasmaterialwent。Thereseemedtobeanenormousamountofplot,andenoughincidenttohavemadeadozennovels。Ineverbeforeheardastorycontainingsomuchincident,noronedealingwithsomanyvariedcharacters。
  Ishouldsaythateveryhumanbeingourcuratehadeverknownormet,orheardof,wasbroughtintothatstory。Thereweresimplyhundredsofthem。Everyfivesecondshewouldintroduceintothetaleacompletelyfreshcollectionofcharactersaccompaniedbyabrandnewsetofincidents。
  Thiswasthesortofstoryitwas:—
  "Well,then,myunclewentintothegarden,andgothisgun,but,ofcourse,itwasn’tthere,andScrogginssaidhedidn’tbelieveit。"
  "Didn’tbelievewhat?Who’sScroggins?"
  "Scroggins!Oh,whyhewastheotherman,youknow——itwaswife。"
  "WHATwashiswife——what’sSHEgottodowithit?"
  "Why,that’swhatI’mtellingyou。Itwasshethatfoundthehat。
  She’dcomeupwithhercousintoLondon——hercousinwasmysister—
  in—law,andtheotherniecehadmarriedamannamedEvans,andEvans,afteritwasallover,hadtakentheboxroundtoMr。
  Jacobs’,becauseJacobs’fatherhadseentheman,whenhewasalive,andwhenhewasdead,Joseph——"
  "Nowlookhere,neveryoumindEvansandthebox;what’sbecomeofyouruncleandthegun?"
  "Thegun!Whatgun?"
  "Why,thegunthatyouruncleusedtokeepinthegarden,andthatwasn’tthere。Whatdidhedowithit?Didhekillanyofthesepeoplewithit——theseJacobsesandEvansesandScrogginsesandJosephses?Because,ifso,itwasagoodandusefulwork,andweshouldenjoyhearingaboutit。"
  "No——ohno——howcouldhe?——hehadbeenbuiltupaliveinthewall,youknow,andwhenEdwardIVspoketotheabbotaboutit,mysistersaidthatinherthenstateofhealthshecouldnotandwouldnot,asitwasendangeringthechild’slife。SotheychristeneditHoratio,afterherownson,whohadbeenkilledatWaterloobeforehewasborn,andLordNapierhimselfsaid——"
  "Lookhere,doyouknowwhatyouaretalkingabout?"weaskedhimatthispoint。
  Hesaid"No,"butheknewitwaseverywordofittrue,becausehisaunthadseenitherself。Whereuponwecoveredhimoverwiththetablecloth,andhewenttosleep。
  AndthenUncletoldusastory。
  Unclesaidhiswasarealstory。
  THEGHOSTOFTHEBLUECHAMBER
  (MyUncle’sStory)
  "Idon’twanttomakeyoufellowsnervous,"beganmyuncleinapeculiarlyimpressive,nottosayblood—curdling,toneofvoice,"andifyouwouldratherthatIdidnotmentionit,Iwon’t;but,asamatteroffact,thisveryhouse,inwhichwearenowsitting,ishaunted。"
  "Youdon’tsaythat!"exclaimedMr。Coombes。
  "What’stheuseofyoursayingIdon’tsayitwhenIhavejustsaidit?"retortedmyunclesomewhatpettishly。"Youdotalksofoolishly。Itellyouthehouseishaunted。RegularlyonChristmasEvetheBlueChamber[theycalledtheroomnexttothenurserythe’bluechamber,’atmyuncle’s,mostofthetoiletservicebeingofthatshade]ishauntedbytheghostofasinfulman——amanwhooncekilledaChristmaswaitwithalumpofcoal。"
  "Howdidhedoit?"askedMr。Coombes,witheageranxiousness。
  "Wasitdifficult?"
  "Idonotknowhowhedidit,"repliedmyuncle;"hedidnotexplaintheprocess。Thewaithadtakenupapositionjustinsidethefrontgate,andwassingingaballad。Itispresumedthat,whenheopenedhismouthforBflat,thelumpofcoalwasthrownbythesinfulmanfromoneofthewindows,andthatitwentdownthewait’sthroatandchokedhim。"
  "Youwanttobeagoodshot,butitiscertainlyworthtrying,"
  murmuredMr。Coombesthoughtfully。
  "Butthatwasnothisonlycrime,alas!"addedmyuncle。"Priortothathehadkilledasolocornet—player。"
  "No!Isthatreallyafact?"exclaimedMr。Coombes。
  "Ofcourseit’safact,"answeredmyuncletestily;"atallevents,asmuchafactasyoucanexpecttogetinacaseofthissort。
  "Howverycaptiousyouarethisevening。Thecircumstantialevidencewasoverwhelming。Thepoorfellow,thecornet—player,hadbeenintheneighbourhoodbarelyamonth。OldMr。Bishop,whokeptthe’JollySandBoys’atthetime,andfromwhomIhadthestory,saidhehadneverknownamorehard—workingandenergeticsolocornet—player。He,thecornet—player,onlyknewtwotunes,butMr。
  Bishopsaidthatthemancouldnothaveplayedwithmorevigour,orformorehoursinaday,ifhehadknownforty。Thetwotuneshedidplaywere"AnnieLaurie"and"Home,SweetHome";andasregardedhisperformanceoftheformermelody,Mr。Bishopsaidthatamerechildcouldhavetoldwhatitwasmeantfor。
  "Thismusician——thispoor,friendlessartistusedtocomeregularlyandplayinthisstreetjustoppositefortwohourseveryevening。
  Oneeveninghewasseen,evidentlyinresponsetoaninvitation,goingintothisveryhouse,BUTWASNEVERSEENCOMINGOUTOFIT!"
  "Didthetownsfolktryofferinganyrewardforhisrecovery?"askedMr。Coombes。
  "Notaha’penny,"repliedmyuncle。
  "Anothersummer,"continuedmyuncle,"aGermanbandvisitedhere,intending——sotheyannouncedontheirarrival——tostaytilltheautumn。
  "Ontheseconddayfromtheirarrival,thewholecompany,asfineandhealthyabodyofmenasonecouldwishtosee,wereinvitedtodinnerbythissinfulman,and,afterspendingthewholeofthenexttwenty—fourhoursinbed,leftthetownabrokenanddyspepticcrew;theparishdoctor,whohadattendedthem,givingitashisopinionthatitwasdoubtfuliftheywould,anyofthem,befittoplayanairagain。"
  "You——youdon’tknowtherecipe,doyou?"askedMr。Coombes。
  "UnfortunatelyIdonot,"repliedmyuncle;"butthechiefingredientwassaidtohavebeenrailwayrefreshment—roompork—pie。
  "Iforgettheman’sothercrimes,"myunclewenton;"Iusedtoknowthemallatonetime,butmymemoryisnotwhatitwas。Idonot,however,believeIamdoinghismemoryaninjusticeinbelievingthathewasnotentirelyunconnectedwiththedeath,andsubsequentburial,ofagentlemanwhousedtoplaytheharpwithhistoes;andthatneitherwashealtogetherunresponsibleforthelonelygraveofanunknownstrangerwhohadoncevisitedtheneighbourhood,anItalianpeasantlad,aperformeruponthebarrel—
  organ。
  "EveryChristmasEve,"saidmyuncle,cleavingwithlowimpressivetonesthestrangeawedsilencethat,likeashadow,seemedtohaveslowlystolenintoandsettleddownupontheroom,"theghostofthissinfulmanhauntstheBlueChamber,inthisveryhouse。
  There,frommidnightuntilcock—crow,amidwildmuffledshrieksandgroansandmockinglaughterandtheghostlysoundofhorridblows,itdoesfiercephantomfightwiththespiritsofthesolocornet—
  playerandthemurderedwait,assistedatintervals,bytheshadesoftheGermanband;whiletheghostofthestrangledharpistplaysmadghostlymelodieswithghostlytoesontheghostofabrokenharp。
  UnclesaidtheBlueChamberwascomparativelyuselessasasleeping—apartmentonChristmasEve。
  "Hark!"saiduncle,raisingawarninghandtowardstheceiling,whileweheldourbreath,andlistened;"Hark!Ibelievetheyareatitnow——intheBLUECHAMBER!"
  THEBLUECHAMBER
  Iroseup,andsaidthatIwouldsleepintheBlueChamber。
  BeforeItellyoumyownstory,however——thestoryofwhathappenedintheBlueChamber——Iwouldwishtoprefaceitwith—
  APERSONALEXPLANATION
  Ifeelagooddealofhesitationabouttellingyouthisstoryofmyown。YouseeitisnotastoryliketheotherstoriesthatIhavebeentellingyou,orratherthatTeddyBiffles,Mr。Coombes,andmyunclehavebeentellingyou:itisatruestory。ItisnotastorytoldbyapersonsittingroundafireonChristmasEve,drinkingwhiskypunch:itisarecordofeventsthatactuallyhappened。
  Indeed,itisnota’story’atall,inthecommonlyacceptedmeaningoftheword:itisareport。Itis,Ifeel,almostoutofplaceinabookofthiskind。Itismoresuitabletoabiography,oranEnglishhistory。
  Thereisanotherthingthatmakesitdifficultformetotellyouthisstory,andthatis,thatitisallaboutmyself。Intellingyouthisstory,Ishallhavetokeepontalkingaboutmyself;andtalkingaboutourselvesiswhatwemodern—dayauthorshaveastrongobjectiontodoing。Ifweliterarymenofthenewschoolhaveonepraiseworthyyearningmoreeverpresenttoourmindsthananotheritistheyearningnevertoappearintheslightestdegreeegotistical。
  Imyself,soIamtold,carrythiscoyness——thisshrinkingreticenceconcerninganythingconnectedwithmyownpersonality,almosttoofar;andpeoplegrumbleatmebecauseofit。Peoplecometomeandsay—
  "Well,now,whydon’tyoutalkaboutyourselfabit?That’swhatwewanttoreadabout。Tellussomethingaboutyourself。"
  ButIhavealwaysreplied,"No。"ItisnotthatIdonotthinkthesubjectaninterestingone。Icannotmyselfconceiveofanytopicmorelikelytoprovefascinatingtotheworldasawhole,oratalleventstotheculturedportionofit。ButIwillnotdoit,onprinciple。Itisinartistic,anditsetsabadexampletotheyoungermen。Otherwriters(afewofthem)doit,Iknow;butI
  willnot——notasarule。
  Underordinarycircumstances,therefore,Ishouldnottellyouthisstoryatall。Ishouldsaytomyself,"No!Itisagoodstory,itisamoralstory,itisastrange,weird,enthrallingsortofastory;andthepublic,Iknow,wouldliketohearit;andIshouldliketotellittothem;butitisallaboutmyself——aboutwhatI
  said,andwhatIsaw,andwhatIdid,andIcannotdoit。Myretiring,anti—egotisticalnaturewillnotpermitmetotalkinthiswayaboutmyself。"
  Butthecircumstancessurroundingthisstoryarenotordinary,andtherearereasonspromptingme,inspiteofmymodesty,toratherwelcometheopportunityofrelatingit。
  AsIstatedatthebeginning,therehasbeenunpleasantnessinourfamilyoverthispartyofours,and,asregardsmyselfinparticular,andmyshareintheeventsIamnowabouttosetforth,grossinjusticehasbeendoneme。
  Asameansofreplacingmycharacterinitsproperlight——ofdispellingthecloudsofcalumnyandmisconceptionwithwhichithasbeendarkened,Ifeelthatmybestcourseistogiveasimple,dignifiednarrationoftheplainfacts,andallowtheunprejudicedtojudgeforthemselves。Mychiefobject,Icandidlyconfess,istoclearmyselffromunjustaspersion。Spurredbythismotive——andIthinkitisanhonourableandarightmotive——IfindIamenabledtoovercomemyusualrepugnancetotalkingaboutmyself,andcanthustell—
  MYOWNSTORY
  Assoonasmyunclehadfinishedhisstory,I,asIhavealreadytoldyou,roseupandsaidthat_I_wouldsleepintheBlueChamberthatverynight。
  "Never!"criedmyuncle,springingup。"Youshallnotputyourselfinthisdeadlyperil。Besides,thebedisnotmade。"
  "Nevermindthebed,"Ireplied。"Ihavelivedinfurnishedapartmentsforgentlemen,andhavebeenaccustomedtosleeponbedsthathaveneverbeenmadefromoneyear’sendtotheother。Donotthwartmeinmyresolve。Iamyoung,andhavehadaclearconsciencenowforoveramonth。Thespiritswillnotharmme。I
  mayevendothemsomelittlegood,andinducethemtobequietandgoaway。Besides,Ishouldliketoseetheshow。"
  Sayingwhich,Isatdownagain。(HowMr。Coombescametobeinmychair,insteadofattheothersideoftheroom,wherehehadbeenalltheevening;andwhyheneverofferedtoapologisewhenIsatrightdownontopofhim;andwhyyoungBifflesshouldhavetriedtopalmhimselfoffuponmeasmyUncleJohn,andinducedme,underthaterroneousimpression,toshakehimbythehandfornearlythreeminutes,andtellhimthatIhadalwaysregardedhimasfather,——aremattersthat,tothisday,Ihaveneverbeenabletofullyunderstand。)
  Theytriedtodissuademefromwhattheytermedmyfoolhardyenterprise,butIremainedfirm,andclaimedmyprivilege。Iwas’theguest。’’Theguest’alwayssleepsinthehauntedchamberonChristmasEve;itishisperquisite。
  TheysaidthatifIputitonthatfooting,theyhad,ofcourse,noanswer;andtheylightedacandleforme,andaccompaniedmeupstairsinabody。
  WhetherelevatedbythefeelingthatIwasdoinganobleaction,oranimatedbyameregeneralconsciousnessofrectitude,isnotformetosay,butIwentupstairsthatnightwithremarkablebuoyancy。
  ItwasasmuchasIcoulddotostopatthelandingwhenIcametoit;IfeltIwantedtogoonuptotheroof。But,withthehelpofthebanisters,Irestrainedmyambition,wishedthemallgood—
  night,andwentinandshutthedoor。
  Thingsbegantogowrongwithmefromtheveryfirst。Thecandletumbledoutofthecandlestickbeforemyhandwasoffthelock。Itkeptontumblingoutofthecandlestick,andeverytimeIpickedputitupandputitin,ittumbledoutagain:Ineversawsuchaslipperycandle。Igaveupattemptingtousethecandlestickatlast,andcarriedthecandleaboutinmyhand;and,eventhen,itwouldnotkeepupright。SoIgotwildandthrewitoutofwindow,andundressedandwenttobedinthedark。
  Ididnotgotosleep,——Ididnotfeelsleepyatall,——Ilayonmyback,lookingupattheceiling,andthinkingofthings。IwishI
  couldremembersomeoftheideasthatcametomeasIlaythere,becausetheyweresoamusing。Ilaughedatthemmyselftillthebedshook。
  Ihadbeenlyinglikethisforhalfanhourorso,andhadforgottenallabouttheghost,when,oncasuallycastingmyeyesroundtheroom,Inoticedforthefirsttimeasingularlycontented—lookingphantom,sittingintheeasy—chairbythefire,smokingtheghostofalongclaypipe。
  Ifanciedforthemoment,asmostpeoplewouldundersimilarcircumstances,thatImustbedreaming。Isatup,andrubbedmyeyes。
  No!Itwasaghost,clearenough。Icouldseethebackofthechairthroughhisbody。Helookedovertowardsme,tooktheshadowypipefromhislips,andnodded。
  ThemostsurprisingpartofthewholethingtomewasthatIdidnotfeelintheleastalarmed。Ifanything,Iwasratherpleasedtoseehim。Itwascompany。
  Isaid,"Goodevening。It’sbeenacoldday!"
  Hesaidhehadnotnoticedithimself,butdaredsayIwasright。
  Weremainedsilentforafewseconds,andthen,wishingtoputitpleasantly,Isaid,"IbelieveIhavethehonourofaddressingtheghostofthegentlemanwhohadtheaccidentwiththewait?"
  Hesmiled,andsaiditwasverygoodofmetorememberit。Onewaitwasnotmuchtoboastof,butstill,everylittlehelped。
  Iwassomewhatstaggeredathisanswer。Ihadexpectedagroanofremorse。Theghostappeared,onthecontrary,toberatherconceitedoverthebusiness。Ithoughtthat,ashehadtakenmyreferencetothewaitsoquietly,perhapshewouldnotbeoffendedifIquestionedhimabouttheorgan—grinder。Ifeltcuriousaboutthatpoorboy。
  "Isittrue,"Iasked,"thatyouhadahandinthedeathofthatItalianpeasantladwhocametothetownoncewithabarrel—organthatplayednothingbutScotchairs?"
  Hequitefiredup。"Hadahandinit!"heexclaimedindignantly。
  "Whohasdaredtopretendthatheassistedme?Imurderedtheyouthmyself。Nobodyhelpedme。AloneIdidit。ShowmethemanwhosaysIdidn’t。"
  Icalmedhim。IassuredhimthatIhadnever,inmyownmind,doubtedthathewastherealandonlyassassin,andIwentonandaskedhimwhathehaddonewiththebodyofthecornet—playerhehadkilled。
  Hesaid,"Towhichonemayyoubealluding?"
  "Oh,werethereanymorethen?"Iinquired。
  Hesmiled,andgavealittlecough。Hesaidhedidnotliketoappeartobeboasting,butthat,countingtrombones,therewereseven。
  "Dearme!"Ireplied,"youmusthavehadquiteabusytimeofit,onewayandanother。"
  Hesaidthatperhapsheoughtnottobetheonetosayso,butthatreally,speakingofordinarymiddle—society,hethoughttherewerefewghostswhocouldlookbackuponalifeofmoresustainedusefulness。
  Hepuffedawayinsilenceforafewseconds,whileIsatwatchinghim。Ihadneverseenaghostsmokingapipebefore,thatIcouldremember,anditinterestedme。
  Iaskedhimwhattobaccoheused,andhereplied,"Theghostofcutcavendish,asarule。"
  Heexplainedthattheghostofallthetobaccothatamansmokedinlifebelongedtohimwhenhebecamedead。Hesaidhehimselfhadsmokedagooddealofcutcavendishwhenhewasalive,sothathewaswellsuppliedwiththeghostofitnow。
  Iobservedthatitwasausefulthingtoknowthat,andImadeupmymindtosmokeasmuchtobaccoaseverIcouldbeforeIdied。
  IthoughtImightaswellstartatonce,soIsaidIwouldjoinhiminapipe,andhesaid,"Do,oldman";andIreachedoverandgotoutthenecessaryparaphernaliafrommycoatpocketandlitup。
  Wegrewquitechummyafterthat,andhetoldmeallhiscrimes。Hesaidhehadlivednextdooroncetoayoungladywhowaslearningtoplaytheguitar,whileagentlemanwhopractisedonthebass—
  viollivedopposite。Andhe,withfiendishcunning,hadintroducedthesetwounsuspectingyoungpeopletooneanother,andhadpersuadedthemtoelopewitheachotheragainsttheirparents’
  wishes,andtaketheirmusicalinstrumentswiththem;andtheyhaddoneso,and,beforethehoneymoonwasover,SHEhadbrokenhisheadwiththebass—viol,andHEhadtriedtocramtheguitardownherthroat,andhadinjuredherforlife。
  Myfriendsaidheusedtoluremuffin—menintothepassageandthenstuffthemwiththeirownwarestilltheyburstanddied。Hesaidhehadquietedeighteenthatway。
  Youngmenandwomenwhorecitedlonganddrearypoemsateveningparties,andcallowyouthswhowalkedaboutthestreetslateatnight,playingconcertinas,heusedtogettogetherandpoisoninbatchesoften,soastosaveexpense;andparkoratorsandtemperancelecturersheusedtoshutupsixinasmallroomwithaglassofwaterandacollection—boxapiece,andletthemtalkeachothertodeath。
  Itdidonegoodtolistentohim。
  Iaskedhimwhenheexpectedtheotherghosts——theghostsofthewaitandthecornet—player,andtheGermanbandthatUncleJohnhadmentioned。Hesmiled,andsaidtheywouldnevercomeagain,anyofthem。
  Isaid,"Why;isn’tittrue,then,thattheymeetyouhereeveryChristmasEveforarow?"
  HerepliedthatitWAStrue。EveryChristmasEve,fortwenty—fiveyears,hadheandtheyfoughtinthatroom;buttheywouldnevertroublehimnoranybodyelseagain。Onebyone,hadhelaidthemout,spoilt,andutterlyuselessforallhauntingpurposes。HehadfinishedoffthelastGerman—bandghostthatveryevening,justbeforeIcameupstairs,andhadthrownwhatwasleftofitoutthroughtheslitbetweenthewindow—sashes。Hesaiditwouldneverbeworthcallingaghostagain。
  "Isupposeyouwillstillcomeyourself,asusual?"Isaid。"Theywouldbesorrytomissyou,Iknow。"
  "Oh,Idon’tknow,"hereplied;"there’snothingmuchtocomefornow。Unless,"headdedkindly,"YOUaregoingtobehere。I’llcomeifyouwillsleepherenextChristmasEve。"
  "Ihavetakenalikingtoyou,"hecontinued;"youdon’tflyoff,screeching,whenyouseeaparty,andyourhairdoesn’tstandonend。You’venoidea,"hesaid,"howsickIamofseeingpeople’shairstandingonend。"
  Hesaiditirritatedhim。
  Justthenaslightnoisereachedusfromtheyardbelow,andhestartedandturneddeathlyblack。
  "Youareill,"Icried,springingtowardshim;"tellmethebestthingtodoforyou。ShallIdrinksomebrandy,andgiveyoutheghostofit?"
  Heremainedsilent,listeningintentlyforamoment,andthenhegaveasighofrelief,andtheshadecamebacktohischeek。
  "It’sallright,"hemurmured;"Iwasafraiditwasthecock。"
  "Oh,it’stooearlyforthat,"Isaid。"Why,it’sonlythemiddleofthenight。"
  "Oh,thatdoesn’tmakeanydifferencetothosecursedchickens,"herepliedbitterly。"Theywouldjustassooncrowinthemiddleofthenightasatanyothertime——sooner,iftheythoughtitwouldspoilachap’seveningout。Ibelievetheydoitonpurpose。"
  Hesaidafriendofhis,theghostofamanwhohadkilledawater—
  ratecollector,usedtohauntahouseinLongAcre,wheretheykeptfowlsinthecellar,andeverytimeapolicemanwentbyandflashedhisbull’s—eyedownthegrating,theoldcocktherewouldfancyitwasthesun,andstartcrowinglikemad;when,ofcourse,thepoorghosthadtodissolve,anditwould,inconsequence,getbackhomesometimesasearlyasoneo’clockinthemorning,swearingfearfullybecauseithadonlybeenoutforanhour。
  Iagreedthatitseemedveryunfair。
  "Oh,it’sanabsurdarrangementaltogether,"hecontinued,quiteangrily。"Ican’timaginewhatouroldmancouldhavebeenthinkingofwhenhemadeit。AsIhavesaidtohim,overandoveragain,’Haveafixedtime,andleteverybodysticktoit——sayfouro’clockinsummer,andsixinwinter。Thenonewouldknowwhatonewasabout。’"
  "Howdoyoumanagewhenthereisn’tanycockhandy?"Iinquired。
  Hewasonthepointofreplying,whenagainhestartedandlistened。ThistimeIdistinctlyheardMr。Bowles’scock,nextdoor,crowtwice。
  "Thereyouare,"hesaid,risingandreachingforhishat;"that’sthesortofthingwehavetoputupwith。WhatISthetime?"
  Ilookedatmywatch,andfounditwashalf—pastthree。
  "Ithoughtasmuch,"hemuttered。"I’llwringthatblessedbird’sneckifIgetholdofit。"Andhepreparedtogo。
  "Ifyoucanwaithalfaminute,"Isaid,gettingoutofbed,"I’llgoabitofthewaywithyou。"
  "It’sverygoodofyou,"herejoined,pausing,"butitseemsunkindtodragyouout。"
  "Notatall,"Ireplied;"Ishalllikeawalk。"AndIpartiallydressedmyself,andtookmyumbrella;andheputhisarmthroughmine,andwewentouttogether。
  JustbythegatewemetJones,oneofthelocalconstables。
  "Good—night,Jones,"Isaid(IalwaysfeelaffableatChristmas—
  time)。
  "Good—night,sir,"answeredthemanalittlegruffly,Ithought。
  "MayIaskwhatyou’rea—doingof?"
  "Oh,it’sallright,"Iresponded,withawaveofmyumbrella;"I’mjustseeingmyfriendpartofthewayhome。"
  Hesaid,"Whatfriend?"
  "Oh,ah,ofcourse,"Ilaughed;"Iforgot。He’sinvisibletoyou。
  Heistheghostofthegentlemanthatkilledthewait。I’mjustgoingtothecornerwithhim。"
  "Ah,Idon’tthinkIwould,ifIwasyou,sir,"saidJonesseverely。"Ifyoutakemyadvice,you’llsaygood—byetoyourfriendhere,andgobackindoors。Perhapsyouarenotawarethatyouarewalkingaboutwithnothingonbutanight—shirtandapairofbootsandanopera—hat。Where’syourtrousers?"
  Ididnotliketheman’smanneratall。Isaid,"Jones!Idon’twishtohavetoreportyou,butitseemstomeyou’vebeendrinking。Mytrousersarewhereaman’strousersoughttobe——onhislegs。Idistinctlyrememberputtingthemon。"
  "Well,youhaven’tgotthemonnow,"heretorted。
  "Ibegyourpardon,"Ireplied。"ItellyouIhave;IthinkI
  oughttoknow。"
  "Ithinkso,too,"heanswered,"butyouevidentlydon’t。Nowyoucomealongindoorswithme,anddon’tlet’shaveanymoreofit。"
  UncleJohncametothedooratthispoint,havingbeenawaked,I
  suppose,bythealtercation;and,atthesamemoment,AuntMariaappearedatthewindowinhernightcap。
  Iexplainedtheconstable’smistaketothem,treatingthematteraslightlyasIcould,soasnottogetthemanintotrouble,andI
  turnedforconfirmationtotheghost。
  Hewasgone!Hehadleftmewithoutaword——withoutevensayinggood—bye!
  Itstruckmeassounkind,hishavinggoneoffinthatway,thatI
  burstintotears;andUncleJohncameout,andledmebackintothehouse。
  Onreachingmyroom,IdiscoveredthatJoneswasright。Ihadnotputonmytrousers,afterall。Theywerestillhangingoverthebed—rail。Isuppose,inmyanxietynottokeeptheghostwaiting,Imusthaveforgottenthem。
  Sucharetheplainfactsofthecase,outofwhichitmust,doubtless,tothehealthy,charitablemindappearimpossiblethatcalumnycouldspring。
  Butithas。
  Persons——Isay’persons’——haveprofessedthemselvesunabletounderstandthesimplecircumstanceshereinnarrated,exceptinthelightofexplanationsatoncemisleadingandinsulting。Slurshavebeencastandaspersionsmadeonmebythoseofmyownfleshandblood。
  ButIbearnoill—feeling。Imerely,asIhavesaid,setforththisstatementforthepurposeofclearingmycharacterfrominjurioussuspicion。