Remotelyinmymindoccurredthethoughtthathehadlocatedhisheart，andthe"peculiardeadlypain"hehadmentionedseemedominous。I
　　suggested，however，thatitwasprobablysomerheumatictouch，andthisopinionseemedwarrantedwhen，afewmomentslater，thehotwaterhadagainrelievedit。Thistimethepainhadapparentlygonetostay，foritdidnotreturnwhilewewereinBaltimore。Itwasthefirstpositivemanifestationoftheanginawhicheventuallywouldtakehimfromus。
　　TheweatherwaspleasantinBaltimore，andhisvisittoSt。Timothy’sSchoolandhisaddresstherewerethekindofdiversionsthatmeantmosttohim。Theflockofgirls，allintheirprettycommencementdresses，assembledandrejoicingathisplayfullygivenadvice：nottosmoke——toexcess；nottodrink——toexcess；nottomarry——toexcess；hestandingthereinagarbaswhiteastheirown——itmadeararepicture——asweetmemory——anditwasthelasttimeheevergaveadvicefromtheplatformtoanyone。
　　EdwardS。Martinalsospoketotheschool，andthentherewasagreatfeastinginthebigassembly—hall。
　　ItwasonthelawnthatareporterapproachedhimwiththenewsofthedeathofEdwardEverettHale——anotheroftheoldgroup。Clemenssaidthoughtfully，afteramoment：
　　"IhadthegreatestrespectandesteemforEdwardEverettHale，thegreatestadmirationforhiswork。IamasgrievedtohearofhisdeathasIcaneverbetohearofthedeathofanyfriend，thoughmygriefisalwaystemperedwiththesatisfactionofknowingthatfortheonethatgoes，thehard，bitterstruggleoflifeisended。"
　　WewereleavingtheBelvederenextmorning，andwhenthesubjectofbreakfastcameupfordiscussionhesaid：
　　"ThatwasthemostdeliciousBaltimorefriedchickenwehadyesterdaymorning。Ithinkwe’lljustrepeatthatorder。ItremindsmeofJohnQuarles’sfarm。"
　　Wehadbeenhavingourmealsservedintherooms，butwehadbreakfastthatmorningdowninthediningroom，and"Francesca"andhermotherwerethere。
　　Ashestoodontherailwayplatformwaitingforthetrain，hetoldmehowonce，fifty—fiveyearsbefore，asaboyofeighteen，hehadchangedcarsthereforWashingtonandhadbarelycaughthistrain——thecrowdyellingathimasheran。
　　WeremainedovernightinNewYork，andthatevening，attheGrosvenor，hereadaloudapoemofhisownwhichIhadnotseenbefore。HehadbroughtitalongwithsomeintentionofreadingitatSt。Timothy’s，hesaid，buthadnotfoundtheoccasionsuitable。
　　"IwroteitalongtimeagoinParis。I’dbeenreadingaloudtoMrs。
　　ClemensandSusy——in’93，Ithink——aboutLordCliveandWarrenHastings，fromMacaulay——howgreattheywereandhowfartheyfell。ThenItookanimaginarycase——thatofsomeolddementedmanmumblingofhisformerstate。Idescribedhim，andrepeatedsomeofhismumblings。SusyandMrs。Clemenssaid，’Writeit’——soIdid，byandby，andthisisit。I
　　callit’TheDerelict。’"
　　Hereadinhiseffectivemannerthatfinepoem，theopeningstanzaofwhichfollows：
　　Yousneer，youshipsthatpassmeby，Yoursnow—purecanvastoweringproud！
　　Youtradersbase！——why，oncesuchfryPaidreverence，whenlikeacloudStorm—sweptIdrovealong，MyAdmiralatpost，hispennonblueFaintinthewildernessofsky，mylongYardsbristlingwithmygallantcrew，Myportsflungwide，mygunsdisplayed，Mytallsparshidinbellyingsail！
　　——Youstruckyourtopsailsthen，andmadeObeisance——nowyourmannersfail。
　　Hehademployedrhymewithmorefacilitythanwasusualforhim，andthefigureandphrasingwerefullofvigor。
　　"Itisstrongandfine，"Isaid，whenhehadfinished。
　　"Yes，"heassented。"ItseemssoasIreaditnow。ItissolongsinceIhaveseenitthatitislikereadinganotherman’swork。Ishouldcallitgood，Ibelieve。"
　　Heputthemanuscriptinhisbagandwalkedupanddownthefloortalking。
　　"Thereisnofigureforthehumanbeingliketheship，"hesaid；"nosuchfigureforthestorm—beatenhumandriftasthederelict——suchmenasCliveandHastingscouldonlybeimaginedasderelictsadrift，helpless，tossedbyeverywindandtide。"
　　WereturnedtoReddingnextday。Onthetraingoinghomehefelltotalkingofbooksandauthors，mainlyofthethingshehadneverbeenabletoread。
　　"WhenItakeuponeofJaneAusten’sbooks，"hesaid，"suchasPrideandPrejudice，Ifeellikeabarkeeperenteringthekingdomofheaven。I
　　know，whathissensationwouldbeandhisprivatecomments。Hewouldnotfindtheplacetohistaste，andhewouldprobablysayso。"
　　HerecalledagainhowStepniakhadcometoHartford，andhowhumiliatedMrs。ClemenshadbeentoconfessthatherhusbandwasnotfamiliarwiththewritingsofThackerayandothers。
　　"Idon’tknowanythingaboutanything，"hesaid，mournfully，"andneverdid。MybrotherusedtotrytogetmetoreadDickens，longago。I
　　couldn’tdoit——Iwasashamed；butIcouldn’tdoit。Yes，IhavereadTheTaleofTwoCities，andcoulddoitagain。Ihavereaditagoodmanytimes；butInevercouldstandMeredithandmostoftheothercelebrities。"
　　ByandbyhehandedmetheSaturdayTimesReview，saying：
　　"Hereisafinepoem，agreatpoem，Ithink。Icanstandthat。"
　　Itwas"ThePalatineinthe’DarkAges’，"byWillaSibertCather，reprintedfromMcClure’s。ThereaderwillunderstandbetterthanIcanexpresswhytheseloftyopeningstanzasappealedtoMarkTwain：
　　THEPALATINE
　　"HaveyoubeenwiththeKingtoRome，Brother，bigbrother？"
　　"I’vebeenthereandI’vecomehome，Backtoyourplay，littlebrother。"
　　"Oh，howhighisCaesar’shouse，Brother，bigbrother？"
　　"Goatsaboutthedoorwaysbrowse；
　　Night—hawksnestintheburntroof—tree，Homeofthewildbirdandhomeofthebee。
　　AthousandchambersofmarblelieWidetothesunandthewindandthesky。
　　PoppieswefindamongstourwheatGrowonCaesar’sbanquetseat。
　　CattlecropandneatherdsdrowseOnthefloorsofCaesar’shouse。"
　　"ButwhathasbecomeofCaesar’sgold，Brother，bigbrother？"
　　"Thetimesarebadandtheworldisold——
　　WhoknowsthewhereoftheCaesar’sgold？
　　NightcomesblackontheCaesar’shill；
　　Thewellsaredeepandthetalesareill。
　　Firefliesgleaminthedampandmold，AllthatisleftoftheCaesar’sgold。
　　Backtoyourplay，littlebrother。"
　　Fartheralonginourjourneyhehandedmethepaperagain，pointingtotheselinesofKipling：
　　HowisitnotgoodfortheChristian’shealthTohurrytheAryanbrown，FortheChristianrilesandtheAryansmiles，AndheweareththeChristiandown；
　　AndtheendofthefightisatombstonewhiteAndthenameofthelatedeceased：
　　Andtheepitaphdrear："AfoollieshereWhotriedtohustletheEast。"
　　"Icouldstandanyamountofthat，"hesaid，andpresently："Lifeistoolongandtooshort。Toolongforthewearinessofit；tooshortfortheworktobedone。Attheverymost，theaveragemindcanonlymasterafewlanguagesandalittlehistory。"
　　Isaid："Still，weneednotworry。Ifdeathendsallitdoesnotmatter；
　　andiflifeiseternaltherewillbetimeenough。"
　　"Yes，"heassented，rathergrimly，"thatoptimismofyoursisalwaysreadytoturnhell’sbackyardintoaplayground。"
　　Isaidthat，oldasIwas，IhadtakenupthestudyofFrench，andmentionedBayardTaylor’shavingbegunGreekatfifty，expectingtoneeditinheaven。
　　Clemenssaid，reflectively："Yes——butyouseethatwasGreek。"
　　CCLXXXI
　　THELASTSUMMERATSTORMFIELD
　　IwasatStormfieldprettyconstantlyduringtherestofthatyear。AtfirstIwentuponlyfortheday；butlater，whenhishealthdidnotimprove，andwhenheexpressedawishforcompanionshipevenings，I
　　remainedmostofthenightsaswell。Ourroomswereseparatedonlybyabath—room；andasneitherofuswasmuchgiventosleep，therewaslikelytobetalkorreadingaloudatalmostanyhourwhenbothwereawake。IntheveryearlymorningIwouldusuallyslipin，softly，sometimestofindhimproppedupagainsthispillowssoundasleep，hisglasseson，thereading—lampblazingawayasitusuallydid，dayornight；butasoftenasnothewasawake，andwouldhavesomenewplanorideaofwhichhewaseagertobedelivered，andtherewasalwaysinterest，andnearlyalwaysamusementinit，evenifithappenedtobethreeinthemorningorearlier。
　　Sometimes，whenhethoughtittimeformetobestirring，hewouldcallsoftly，butloudlyenoughformetohearifawake；andIwouldgoin，andwewouldsettleagainproblemsoflifeanddeathandscience，or，rather，hewouldsettlethemwhileIdroppedinaremarkhereandthere，merelytoholdthematteralittlelongerinsolution。
　　Thepainsinhisbreastcameback，andwithagooddealoffrequencyasthesummeradvanced；also，theybecamemoresevere。Dr。EdwardQuintardcameupfromNewYork，anddidnothesitatetosaythatthetroubleproceededchieflyfromtheheart，andcounseleddiminishedsmoking，withlessactiveexercise，advisingparticularlyagainstClemens’slifetimehabitoflightlyskippingupanddownstairs。
　　Therewasnoprohibitionastobilliards，however，orleisurelywalking，andweplayedprettysteadilythroughthosepeacefulsummerdays，andoftentookawalkdownintothemeadowsorperhapsintheotherdirection，whenitwasnottoowarmorwindy。Oncewewentasfarastheriver，andIshowedhimapartofhislandhehadnotseenbefore——abeautifulcedarhillside，remoteandsecluded，aplaceofenchantment。
　　OnthewayIpointedoutalittlecorneroflandwhichearlierhehadgivenmetostraightenourdivisionline。ItoldhimIwasgoingtobuildastudyonit，andcallit"Markland。"Hethoughtitanadmirablebuilding—site，andIthinkhewaspleasedwiththename。Laterhesaid：
　　"Ifyouhadaplaceforthatextrabilliard—tableofmine[theRogerstable，whichhadbeenleftinNewYork]Iwouldturnitovertoyou。"
　　IrepliedthatIcouldadaptthesizeofmyproposedstudytofitabilliard—table，andhesaid：
　　"Nowthatwillbeverygood。Then，whenIwantexercise，Icanwalkdownandplaybilliardswithyou，andwhenyouwantexerciseyoucanwalkupandplaybilliardswithme。Youmustbuildthatstudy。"
　　Soitwasweplanned，andbyandbyMr。Lounsburyhadundertakenthework。
　　DuringthewalksClemensrestedagooddeal。ThereweretheNewEnglandhillstoclimb，andthenhefoundthathetiredeasily，andthatwearinesssometimesbroughtonthepain。AsIremembernow，Ithinkhowbravelyheboreit。Itmusthavebeenadeadly，sickening，numbingpain，forIhaveseenitcrumplehim，andhisfacebecomecolorlesswhilehishanddugathisbreast；buthenevercomplained，heneverbewailed，andatbilliardshewouldpersistingoingonandplayinginhisturn，evenwhilehewasbowedwiththeanguishoftheattack。
　　Wehadfoundthataglassofveryhotwaterrelievedit，andwekeptalwaysathermosbottleortwofilledandready。AtthefirsthintfromhimIwouldpouroutaglassandanother，andsometimesthereliefcamequickly；butthereweretimes，andalas！theycameoftener，whenthatdeadlygrippingdidnotsoonreleasehim。Yettherewouldcomeaweekorafortnightwhenhewasapparentlyperfectlywell，andatsuchtimeswedismissedthethoughtofanyheartmalady，andattributedthewholetroubletoacuteindigestion，fromwhichhehadalwayssufferedmoreorless。
　　Wewerealonetogethermostofthetime。Hedidnotappeartocareforcompanythatsummer。ClaraClemenshadaconcerttourinprospect，andherfather，eagerforhersuccess，encouragedhertodevotealargepartofhertimetostudy。ForJean，whowasinlovewitheveryformofoutdoorandanimallife，hehadestablishedheadquartersinavacantfarm—houseononecorneroftheestate，whereshehadcollectedsomestockandpoultry，andwasover—flowinglyhappy。OssipGabrilowitschwasaguestinthehouseagoodportionofthesummer，buthadbeeninvalidedthroughseveresurgicaloperations，andforalongtimerarelyappeared，evenatmeal—times。SoitcameaboutthattherecouldhardlyhavebeenacloserdailycompanionshipthanwasoursduringthisthelastyearofMarkTwain’slife。Forme，ofcourse，nothingcaneverbelikeitagaininthisworld。Oneisnotlikelytoassociatetwicewithabeingfromanotherstar。
　　CCLXXXII
　　PERSONALMEMORANDA
　　InthenotesImadeofthisperiodIcaughtalittledriftofpersonalityandutterance，andIdonotknowbetterhowtopreservethesethingsthantogivethemhereasnearlyasmaybeinthesequenceandintheforthinwhichtheyweresetdown。
　　OneofthefirstoftheseentriesoccursinJune，whenClemenswasrereadingwithgreatinterestandrelishAndrewD。White’sScienceandTheology，whichhecalledalovelybook。——[’AHistoryoftheWarfareofSciencewithTheologyinChristendom’。]
　　June21。Apeacefulafternoon，andwewalkedfartherthanusual，restingatlastintheshadeofatreeinthelanethatleadstoJean’sfarm—house。Ipickedadandelion—ball，withsomeremarkaboutitsbeingoneoftheevidencesoftheintelligentprincipleinnature——theseedswingedforawiderdistribution。
　　"Yes，"hesaid，"thosearethegreatevidences；noonewhoreasonscandoubtthem。"
　　Andpresentlyheadded：
　　"ThatisamostamusingbookofWhite’s。Whenyoureadityouseehowthoseoldtheologiansneverreasonedatall。WhitetellsofanoldbishopwhofiguredoutthatGodcreatedtheworldinaninstantonacertaindayinOctoberexactlysomanyyearsbeforeChrist，andprovedit。AndIknewapreachermyselfoncewhodeclaredthatthefossilsintherocksprovednothingastotheageoftheworld。HesaidthatGodcouldcreatetherockswiththosefossilsinthemforornamentsifHewantedto。Why，ittakestwentyyearstobuildalittleislandintheMississippiRiver，andthatmanactuallybelievedthatGodcreatedthewholeworldandallthat’sinitinsixdays。Whitetellsofanotherbishopwhogavetwonewreasonsforthunder；onebeingthatGodwantedtoshowtheworldHispower，andanotherthatHewishedtofrightensinnerstorepent。Nowconsidertheproportionsofthatconception，eveninthepettiestwayyoucanthinkofit。ConsidertheideaofGodthinkingofallthat。ConsiderthePresidentoftheUnitedStateswantingtoimpressthefliesandfleasandmosquitoes，gettinguponthedomeoftheCapitolandbeatingabass—drumandsettingoffredfire。"
　　Hefollowedthethemealittlefurther，thenwemadeourwayslowlybackupthelonghill，heholdingtomyarm，andrestinghereandthere，butarrivingatthehouseseeminglyfreshandreadyforbilliards。
　　June23。Icameupthismorningwithabasketofstrawberries。Hewaswalkingupanddown，lookinglikeanancientRoman。Hesaid：
　　"ConsiderthecaseofElsieSigel——[GranddaughterofGen。FranzSigel。ShewasmysteriouslymurderedwhileengagedinsettlementworkamongtheChinese。]——whataghastlyendingtoanylife！"
　　Thenturninguponmefiercely，hecontinued：
　　"Anybodythatknowsanythingknowsthattherewasnotasinglelifethatwaseverlivedthatwasworthliving。Notasinglechildeverbegottenthatthebegettingofitwasnotacrime。Supposeacommunityofpeopletobelivingontheslopeofavolcano，directlyunderthecraterandinthepathoflava—flow；thatvolcanohasbeenbreakingoutrightalongforagesandiscertaintobreakoutagain。
　　Theydonotknowwhenitwillbreakout，buttheyknowitwilldoit——thatmuchcanbecountedon。Supposethosepeoplegotoacommunityinafarneighborhoodandsay，’We’dliketochangeplaceswithyou。Cometakeourhomesandletushaveyours。’Thosepeoplewouldsay，’Nevermind，wearenotinterestedinyourcountry。Weknowwhathashappenedthere，andwhatwillhappenagain。’Wedon’tcaretoliveundertheblowthatislikelytofallatanymoment；
　　andyeteverytimewebringachildintotheworldwearebringingittoacountry，toacommunitygatheredunderthecraterofavolcano，knowingthatsoonerorlaterdeathwillcome，andthatbeforedeaththerewillbecatastrophesinfinitelyworse。Formerlyitwasmuchworsethannow，forbeforetheministersabolishedhellamanknew，whenhewasbegettingachild，thathewasbegettingasoulthathadonlyonechanceinahundredofescapingtheeternalfiresofdamnation。Heknewthatinallprobabilitythatchildwouldbebroughttodamnation——oneoftheninety—nineblacksheep。
　　Butsincehellhasbeenabolisheddeathhasbecomemorewelcome。
　　Iwroteafairystoryonce。Itwaspublishedsomewhere。Idon’trememberjustwhatitwasnow，butthesubstanceofitwasthatafairygaveamanthecustomarywishes。Iwasinterestedinseeingwhathewouldtake。Firsthechosewealthandwentawaywithit，butitdidnotbringhimhappiness。Thenhecamebackforthesecondselection，andchosefame，andthatdidnotbringhappinesseither。Finallyhewenttothefairyandchosedeath，andthefairysaid，insubstance，’Ifyouhadn’tbeenafoolyou’dhavechosenthatinthefirstplace。’
　　"Thepaperscalledmeapessimistforwritingthatstory。
　　Pessimist——themanwhoisn’tapessimistisad———dfool。"
　　Butthiswasoneofhissavagehumors，stirredbytragiccircumstance。
　　UnderdateofJuly5thIfindthishappierentry：
　　Wehaveinventedanewgame，three—ballcarombilliards，eachplayercontinuinguntilhehasmadefive，countingthenumberofhisshotsasingolf，theonewhofinishesinthefewershotswins。Itisagameweplaywithalmostexactlyequalskill，andheishighlypleasedwithit。Hesaidthisafternoon：
　　"IhaveneverenjoyedbilliardsasIdonow。Ilookforwardtoiteveryafternoonasmyrewardattheendofagoodday’swork。"——[HisworkatthistimewasanarticleonMarjorieFleming，the"wonderchild，"whosequaintwritingsandbrieflittlelifehadbeenpublishedtotheworldbyDr。JohnBrown。ClemensalwaysadoredthethoughtofMarjorie，andinthisarticleonecanseethatsherankedalmostnexttoJoanofArcinhisaffections。]
　　WewentoutintheloggiabyandbyandClemensreadaloudfromabookwhichProfessorZubelinlefthereafewdaysago——’TheReligionofaDemocrat’。SomethinginitmusthavesuggestedtoClemenshisfavoritescience，forpresentlyhesaid：
　　"Ihavebeenreadinganoldastronomy；itspeaksoftheperfectlineofcurvatureoftheearthinspiteofmountainsandabysses，andI
　　haveimaginedamanthreehundredthousandmileshighpickingupaballliketheearthandlookingatitandholdingitinhishand。
　　Itwouldbeaboutlikeabilliard—balltohim，andhewouldturnitoverinhishandandrubitwithhisthumb，andwhereherubbedoverthemountainrangeshemightsay，’Thereseemstobesomeslightroughnesshere，butIcan’tdetectitwithmyeye；itseemsperfectlysmoothtolookat。’TheHimalayastohim，thehighestpeak，wouldbeone—sixty—thousandthofhisheight，orabouttheone—
　　thousandthpartofaninchascomparedwiththeaverageman。"
　　Ispokeofhavingsomewherereadofsomeverytinysatellites，oneassmall，perhaps，assixmilesindiameter，yetagenuineworld。
　　"Couldamanliveonaworldsosmallasthat？"Iasked。
　　"Ohyes，"hesaid。"Thegravitationthatholdsittogetherwouldholdhimon，andhewouldalwaysseemupright，thesameashere。
　　Hishorizonwouldbesmaller，butevenifheweresixfeettallhewouldonlyhaveonefootforeachmileofthatworld’sdiameter，soyouseehewouldbelittleenough，evenforaworldthathecouldwalkaroundinhalfaday。"
　　Hetalkedastronomyagreatdeal——marvelastronomy。Hehadnorealknowledgeofthesubject，andIhadnoneofanykind，whichmadeitsungraspablefactsallthemorethrilling。Hewasalwaysthrownintoasortofecstasybytheunthinkabledistancesofspace——thesupremedramaoftheuniverse。ThefactthatAlphaCentauriwastwenty—fivetrillionsofmilesaway——twohundredandfiftythousandtimesthedistanceofourownremotesun，andthatoursolarsystemwastraveling，asawhole，towardthebrightstarVega，intheconstellationofLyra，attherateofforty—fourmilesasecond，yetwouldbethousandsuponthousandsofyearsreachingitsdestination，fairlyenrapturedhim。
　　Theastronomicallight—year——thatistosay，thedistancewhichlighttravelsinayear——wasoneofthethingswhichhelovedtocontemplate；
　　buthedeclaredthatnotwoauthoritieseverfigureditalike，andthathewasgoingtofigureitforhimself。Icameinonemorning，tofindthathehadcoveredseveralsheetsofpaperwithalmostinterminablerowsofciphers，andwitharesult，tohimatleast，entirelysatisfactory。
　　Iamquitecertainthathewasprouderofthosefiguresandtheirenormousaggregatethanifhehadjustcompletedanimmortaltale；andwhenheaddedthatthenearestfixedstar——AlphaCentauri——wasbetweenfourandfivelight—yearsdistantfromtheearth，andthattherewasnopossiblewaytothinkthatdistanceinmilesorevenanycalculablefractionofit，hisglassesshoneandhishairwasroachedupaswiththestimulationofthesestupendousfacts。
　　Byandbyhesaid：
　　"IcameinwithHalley’scometin1835。Itiscomingagainnextyear，andIexpecttogooutwithit。ItwillbethegreatestdisappointmentofmylifeifIdon’tgooutwithHalley’scomet。TheAlmightyhassaid，nodoubt：’Nowherearethesetwounaccountablefreaks；theycameintogether，theymustgoouttogether。’Oh！Iamlookingforwardtothat。"Andalittlelaterheadded：
　　"I’vegotsomekindofaheartdisease，andQuintardwon’ttellmewhetheritisthekindthatcarriesamanoffinaninstantorkeepshimlingeringalongandsufferingfortwentyyearsorso。IwasinhopesthatQuintardwouldtellmethatIwaslikelytodropdeadanyminute；
　　buthedidn’t。Heonlytoldmethatmyblood—pressurewastoostrong。
　　Hedidn’tgivemeanyschedule；butIexpecttogowithHalley’scomet。"
　　Iseemtohaveomittedmakinganyentriesforafewdays；butamonghisnotesIfindthisentry，whichseemstorefertosomediscussionofafavoritephilosophy，andhasaspecialinterestofitsown：
　　July14，1909。Yesterday’sdisputeresumed，Istillmaintainingthat，whereaswecanthink，wegenerallydon’tdoit。Don’tdoit，&don’thavetodoit：weareautomaticmachineswhichactunconsciously。Frommorningtillsleeping—time，alldaylong。Alldaylongourmachineryisdoingthingsfromhabit&instinct，&
　　withoutrequiringanyhelporattentionfromourpoorlittle7—by—9
　　thinkingapparatus。Thisremindedmeofsomething：thirtyyearsago，inHartford，thebilliard—roomwasmystudy，&Iwrotemyletterstherethefirstthingeverymorning。Mytablelaytwopointsoffthestarboardbowofthebilliard—table，&thedoorofexitandentranceborenortheast&—by—east—half—eastfromthatposition，consequentlyyoucouldseethedooracrossthelengthofthebilliard—table，butyoucouldn’tseethefloorbythesaidtable。IfoundIwasalwaysforgettingtoaskintruderstocarrymylettersdown—stairsforthemail，soIconcludedtolaythemonthefloorbythedoor；thentheintruderwouldhavetowalkoverthem，&
　　thatwouldindicatetohimwhattheyweretherefor。Didit？No，itdidn’t。Hewasamachine，&hadhabits。Habitstakeprecedenceofthought。
　　Nowconsiderthis：astamped&addressedletterlyingonthefloor——
　　lyingaggressively&conspicuouslyonthefloor——isanunusualspectacle；sounusualaspectaclethatyouwouldthinkanintrudercouldn’tseeittherewithoutimmediatelydiviningthatitwasnottherebyaccident，buthadbeendeliberatelyplacedthere&foradefinitepurpose。Verywell——itmaysurpriseyoutolearnthatthatmostsimple&mostnatural&obviousthoughtwouldneveroccurtoanyintruderonthisplanet，whetherhebefool，half—fool，orthemostbrilliantofthinkers。Forheisalwaysanautomaticmachine&
　　hashabits，&hishabitswillactbeforehisthinkingapparatuscangetachancetoexertitspowers。Myschemefailedbecauseeveryhumanbeinghasthehabitofpickingupanyapparentlymisplacedthing&placingitwhereitwon’tbesteppedon。
　　MyfirstintruderwasGeorge。Hewentandcamewithoutsayinganything。PresentlyIfoundthelettersneatlypileduponthebilliard—table。Iwasastonished。Iputthemontheflooragain。
　　Thenextintruderpiledthemonthebilliard—tablewithoutaword。
　　Iwasprofoundlymoved，profoundlyinterested。SoIsetthetrapagain。Alsoagain，&again，&yetagain——alldaylong。Icaughteverymemberofthefamily，&everyservant；alsoIcaughtthethreefinestintellectsinthetown。Ineveryinstanceold，time—wornautomatichabitgotinitsworksopromptlythatthethinkingapparatusnevergotachance。
　　Idonotrememberthisparticulardiscussion，butIdodistinctlyrecallbeingoneofthosewhoseintelligencewasnotsufficienttopreventmypickinguptheletterhehadthrownonthefloorinfrontofhisbed，andbeingproperlyclassifiedfordoingit。
　　Clemensnolongerkeptnote—books，asinanearliertime，butsetdowninnumerablememoranda—comments，strayreminders，andthelike——onsmallpads，andbunchesofthesetinysheetsaccumulatedonhistableandabouthisroom。Igatheredupmanyofthemthenandafterward，andafewofthesecharacteristicbitsmaybeofferedhere。
　　KNEE
　　Itisatourmother’skneethatweacquireournoblest&truest&highestideals，butthereisseldomanymoneyinthem。
　　JEHOVAH
　　Heisall—good。Hemademanforhellorhellforman，oneortheother——
　　takeyourchoice。Hemadeithardtogetintoheavenandeasytogetintohell。Hecommendedmantomultiply&replenish—what？Hell。
　　MODESTYANTEDATESCLOTHES
　　&willberesumedwhenclothesarenomore。
　　[Thelatterpartofthisaphorismiserasedandunderneathitheadds：]
　　MODESTYDIED
　　whenclotheswereborn。
　　MODESTYDIED
　　whenfalsemodestywasborn。
　　HISTORY
　　Ahistorianwhowouldconveythetruthhasgottolie。Oftenhemustenlargethetruthbydiameters，otherwisehisreaderwouldnotbeabletoseeit。
　　MORALS
　　arenottheimportantthing——norenlightenment——norcivilization。Amancandoabsolutelywellwithoutthem，buthecan’tdowithoutsomethingtoeat。Thesupremestthingistheneedsofthebody，notofthemind&
　　spirit。
　　SUGGESTION
　　Thereisconscioussuggestion&thereisunconscioussuggestion——bothcomefromoutside——whenceallideascome。
　　DUELS
　　IthinkIcouldwipeoutadishonorbycripplingtheotherman，butI
　　don’tseehowIcoulddoitbylettinghimcrippleme。
　　IhavenofeelingofanimositytowardpeoplewhodonotbelieveasIdo；
　　Imerelydonotrespect’em。Insomeseriousmattersrelig。Iwouldhavethemburnt。
　　Iamoldnowandoncewasasinner。Ioftenthinkofitwithakindofsoftregret。Itrustmydaysarenumbered。Iwouldnothavethatdetailoverlooked。
　　Shewasalwaysagirl，shewasalwaysyoungbecauseherheartwasyoung；
　　&Iwasyoungbecauseshelivedinmyheart&preserveditsyouthfromdecay。
　　Heoftenbusiedhimselfworkingoutmoreextensivelysomeoftheideasthatcametohim——moralideas，hecalledthem。Onefancywhichhefollowedinseveralformssomeofthemnotwithintheprivilegeofprintwasthatofaninquisitivelittlegirl，Bessie，whopursueshermotherwithdifficultquestionings。——[UnderAppendixw，attheendofthisvolume，thereaderwillfindoneofthe"Bessie"dialogues。]——Hereadthesealoudashefinishedthem，anditiscertainthattheylackedneitherlogicnorhumor。
　　Sometimeshewenttoabigdrawerinhisdresser，wherehekepthisfinishedmanuscripts，andtookthemoutandlookedoverthem，andreadpartsofthemaloud，andtalkedoftheplanshehadhadforthem，andhowoneideaafteranotherhadbeenfollowedforatimeandhadfailedtosatisfyhimintheend。
　　Twofictionschemesthathadalwayspossessedhimhehadbeenunabletobringtoanyconclusion。Bothofthesehavebeenmentionedinformerchapters；onebeingthenotionofalongperiodofdream—existenceduringabriefmomentofsleep，andtheotherbeingthestoryofamysteriousvisitantfromanotherrealm。Hehadexperimentedwitheachoftheseideasinnolessthanthreeforms，andtherewasfinewritinganddramaticnarrativeinall；buthisliteraryarchitecturehadsomehowfallenshortofhisconception。"TheMysteriousStranger"inoneofitsformsIthoughtmightbesatisfactorilyconcluded，andheadmittedthathecouldprobablyenditwithoutmuchlabor。Hediscussedsomethingofhisplans，andlaterIfoundthenotesforitsconclusion。ButIsupposehewasbeyondtheplacewherehecouldtakeupthoseoldthreads，thoughhecontemplated，fondlyenough，thepossibility，andrecalledhowhehadreadatleastoneformofthedreamtaletoHowells，whohadurgedhimtocompleteit。
　　CCLXXXIII
　　ASTRONOMYANDDREAMS
　　August5，1909。ThismorningInoticedonachairacopyofFlaubert’sSalammbowhichIrecentlylenthim。Iaskedifhelikedit。
　　"No，"hesaid，"Ididn’tlikeanyofit。"
　　"Butyoureadit？"
　　"Yes，Ireadeverylineofit。"
　　"Youadmitteditsliteraryart？"
　　"Well，it’slikethis：IfIshouldgototheChicagostockyardsandtheyshouldkillabeefandcutitupandthebloodshouldsplashallovereverything，andthentheyshouldtakemetoanotherpenandkillanotherbeefandthebloodshouldsplashovereverythingagain，andsoontopenafterpen，IshouldcareforitaboutasmuchasIdoforthatbook。"
　　"Butthosewerebloodydays，andyoucareverymuchforthatperiodinhistory。"
　　"Yes，thatisso。ButwhenIreadTacitusandknowthatIamreadinghistoryIcanacceptitassuchandsupplytheimaginarydetailsandenjoyit，butthisthingissuchacontinuousprocessionofbloodandslaughterandstenchitworriesme。Ithasgreatart——Icanseethat。
　　Thatsceneofthecrucifiedlionsandthedeathcanonandthetentscenearemarvelous，butIwouldn’treadthatbookagainwithoutasalary。"
　　August16。HeisreadingSuetonius，whichhealreadyknowsbyheart——sofullofthecrueltiesandlicentiousnessofimperialRome。
　　ThisafternoonhebegantalkingaboutClaudius。
　　"TheycalledClaudiusalunatic，"hesaid，"butjustseewhatnicefancieshehad。Hewouldgotothearenabetweentimesandhavecaptivesandwildbeastsbroughtoutandturnedintogetherforhisspecialenjoyment。Sometimeswhentherewerenocaptivesonhandhewouldsay，’Well，nevermind；bringoutacarpenter。’Carpenteringaroundthearenawasn’tapopularjobinthosedays。Hewentvisitingoncetoaprovinceandthoughtitwouldbepleasanttoseehowtheydisposedofcriminalsandcaptivesintheircrude，old—fashionedway，buttherewasnoexecutioneronhand。Nomatter；theEmperorofRomewasinnohurry——hewouldwait。Sohesatdownandstayedthereuntilanexecutionercame。"
　　Isaid，"Howdoyouaccountforthechangedattitudetowardthesethings？
　　Wearefilledwithpityto—dayatthethoughtoftortureandsuffering。"
　　"Ah！butthatisbecausewehavedriftedthatwayandexercisedthequalityofcompassion。Relaxamuscleanditsoonlosesitsvigor；relaxthatqualityandintwogenerations——inonegeneration——weshouldbegloatingoverthespectacleofbloodandtorturejustthesame。Why，I
　　readsomewherealetterwrittenjustbeforetheLisboncatastrophein1755aboutasceneonthepublicsquareofLisbon：Alotofstakeswiththefagotspiledforburningandhereticschainedforburning。Thesquarewascrowdedwithmenandwomenandchildren，andwhenthosefireswerelighted，andthehereticsbegantoshriekandwrithe，thosemenandwomenandchildrenlaughedsotheywerefairlybesidethemselveswiththeenjoymentofthescene。TheGreeksdon’tseemtohavedonethesethings。
　　Isupposethatindicatesearlieradvancementincompassion。"
　　ColonelHarveyandMr。Dunekacameuptospendthenight。Mr。Clemenshadoneofhisseizuresduringtheevening。Theycomeoftenerandlastlonger。Onelastnightcontinuedforanhourandahalf。Isleptthere。
　　September7。To—daynewsoftheNorthPolediscoveredbyPeary。FivedaysagothesamediscoverywasreportedbyCook。Clemens’scomment：
　　"It’sthegreatestjokeoftheages。"ButamomentlaterhereferredtothestupendousfactofArcturusbeingfiftythousandtimesasbigasthesun。
　　September21。Thismorninghetoldme，withgreatglee，thedreamhehadhadjustbeforewakening。Hesaid：
　　"Iwasinanautomobilegoingslowly，with’alittlegirlbesideme，andsomeuniformedpersonwalkingalongbyus。Isaid，’I’llgetoutandwalk，too’；buttheofficerreplied，’Thisisonlyoneofthesmallestofourfleet。’
　　"ThenInoticedthattheautomobilehadnofront，andthereweretwocannonsmountedwherethefrontshouldbe。Inoticed，too，thatweweretravelingverylow，almostdownontheground。Presentlywegottothebottomofahillandstartedupanother，andIfoundmyselfwalkingaheadofthe’mobile。Iturnedaroundtolookforthelittlegirl，andinsteadofherIfoundakittencaperingbesideme，andwhenwereachedthetopofthehillwewerelookingoutoveramostbarrenanddesolatewasteofsand—heapswithoutaspeckofvegetationanywhere，andthekittensaid，’Thisviewbeggarsalladmiration。’ThenallatoncewewereinagreatgroupofpeopleandIundertooktorepeattothemthekitten’sremark，butwhenI
　　triedtodoitthewordsweresotouchingthatIbrokedownandcried，andallthegroupcried，too，overthekitten’smovingremark。"
　　Thejoywithwhichhetoldthisabsurdsleepfancymadeitsupremelyridiculousandwelaugheduntiltearsreallycame。
　　Onemorninghesaid："Iwasawakeagooddealinthenight，andItriedtothinkofinterestingthings。Igottoworkingoutgeologicalperiods，tryingtothinkofsomewaytocomprehendthem，andthenastronomicalperiods。Ofcourseit’simpossible，butIthoughtofaplanthatseemedtomeansomethingtome。IrememberedthatNeptuneistwobillioneighthundredmillionmilesaway。That，ofcourse，isincomprehensible，butthenthereisthenearestfixedstarwithitstwenty—fivetrillionmiles—
　　—twenty—fivetrillion——ornearlyathousandtimesasfar，andthenItookthisbookandcountedthelinesonapageandIfoundthattherewasanaverageofthirty—twolinestothepageandtwohundredandfortypages，andIfiguredoutthat，countingthedistancetoNeptuneasoneline，therewerestillnotenoughlinesinthebookbynearlytwothousandtoreachthenearestfixedstar，andsomehowthatgavemeasortofdimideaofthevastnessofthedistanceandkindofajourneyintospace。"
　　LaterIfiguredoutanothermethodofcomprehendingalittleofthatgreatdistancebyestimatingtheexistenceofthehumanraceatthirtythousandyearsLordKelvin’sfiguresandtheaveragegenerationtohavebeenthirty—threeyearswithaworldpopulationof1，500，000，000souls。
　　IassumedthenearestfixedstartobethefirststationinParadiseandthefirstsoultohavestartedthirtythousandyearsago。Travelingattherateofaboutthirtymilesasecond，itwouldjustnowbearrivinginAlphaCentauriwithalltherestofthatburiedmultitudestringingoutbehindatanaveragedistanceoftwentymilesapart。
　　Fewthingsgavehimmorepleasurethanthecontemplationofsuchfiguresasthese。WemadeoccasionalbusinesstripstoNewYork，andduringoneofthemvisitedtheMuseumofNaturalHistorytolookatthebrontosaurandthemeteoritesandtheastronomicalmodelintheentrancehall。Tohimthesewerethemostfascinatingthingsintheworld。Hecontemplatedthemeteoritesandthebrontosaur，andlosthimselfinstrangeandmarvelousimaginingsconcerningthefarreachesoftimeandspacewhencetheyhadcomedowntous。
　　MarkTwainlivedcuriouslyapartfromtheactualitiesoflife。Dwellingmainlyamonghisphilosophiesandspeculations，heobservedvaguely，orminutely，whatwentonabouthim；butineithercasethefacttookaplace，notintheactualworld，butinaworldwithinhisconsciousness，orsubconsciousness，aplacewherefactswerelikelytoassumenewandaltogetherdifferentrelationsfromthosetheyhadborneinthephysicaloccurrence。Itnotinfrequentlyhappened，therefore，whenherecountedsomeincident，eventhemostrecent，thathistorytookonfreshandstartlingforms。MorethanonceIhaveknownhimtorelateanoccurrenceofthedaybeforewitharealityofcircumstancethatcarriedabsoluteconviction，whenthedetailsthemselveswerepreciselyreversed。Ifhisattentionwerecalledtothediscrepancy，hisfacewouldtakeonablanklook，asofonesuddenlyarousedfromdreamland，tobefollowedbyanalmostchildishinterestinyourrevelationandreadyacknowledgmentofhismistake。Idonotthinksuchmistakeshumiliatedhim；buttheyoftensurprisedand，Ithink，amusedhim。
　　Insubstantialanddeceptiveaswasthisinnerworldofhis，tohimitmusthavebeenmuchmorerealthantheworldofflittingphysical。
　　shapesabouthim。Hewouldfixyoukeenlywithhisattention，butyourealized，atlast，thathewasplacingyouandseeingyounotasapartofthemateriallandscape，butasanitemofhisowninnerworld——aworldinwhichphilosophiesandmoralsstoodupright——averygoodworldindeed，butcertainlyatopsy—turvyworldwhenviewedwiththeeyeofmereliteralscrutiny。Andthiswas，mainly，ofcourse，becausetheroutineoflifedidnotappealtohim。Evenmembersofhishouseholddidnotalwaysstirhisconsciousness。
　　Heknewtheywerethere；hecouldcallthembyname；herelieduponthem；
　　buthisknowledgeofthemalwayssuggestedtheknowledgethatMountEverestmighthaveoftheforestsandcavesandbouldersuponitsslopes，useful，perhaps，buthardlynecessarytothegiant’sexistence，andinnoimportantmatterapartofitsgreaterlife。
　　CCLXXXIV
　　ALIBRARYCONCERT
　　InaletterwhichClemenswrotetoMissWallaceatthistime，hetellsofaconcertgivenatStormfieldonSeptember21stforthebenefitofthenewReddingLibrary。Gabrilowitschhadsofarrecoveredthathewasupandaboutandabletoplay。DavidBispham，thegreatbarytone，alwaysgenialandgenerous，agreedtotakepart，andClaraClemens，alreadyaccustomedtopublicsinging，wastojoinintheprogram。ThelettertoMissWallacesuppliestherestofthehistory。
　　Wehadagrandtimehereyesterday。Concertinaidofthelittlelibrary。
　　TEAM
　　Gabrilowitsch，pianist。
　　DavidBispham，vocalist。
　　ClaraClemens，ditto。
　　MarkTwain，introducesofteam。
　　Detachmentsandsquadsandgroupsandsinglescamefromeverywhere—
　　Danbury，NewHaven，Norwalk，Redding，ReddingRidge，Ridgefield，andevenfromNewYork：somein60—h。p。motor—cars，someinbuggiesandcarriages，andaswarmoffarmer—young—folkonfootfrommilesaround——525altogether。
　　Ifwehadn’tstoppedthesaleofticketsadayandahalfbeforetheperformanceweshouldhavebeenswamped。Wejammed160intothelibrarynotquiteallhadseats，wefilledtheloggia，thedining—
　　room，thehall，clearintothebilliard—room，thestairs，andthebrick—pavedsquareoutsidethedining—roomdoor。
　　Theartistswerereceivedwithagreatwelcome，anditwokethemup，andItellyoutheyperformedtotheQueen’staste！Theprogramwasanhourandthree—quarterslongandtheencoresaddedahalf—hourtoit。Theenthusiasmofthehousewashair—lifting。Theyallstayedanhouraftertheclosetoshakehandsandcongratulate。
　　Wehadnodollarseatsexceptinthelibrary，butweaccumulated$372fortheBuildingFund。Wehadteaathalfpastsixforadozen——theHawthornes，JeannetteGilder，andherniece，etc。；andafter8—o’clockdinnerwehadaprivateconcertandaballinthebare—strippedlibraryuntil10；nobodypresentbuttheteamandMr。
　　andMrs。PaineandJeanandherdog。Andme。Bisphamdid"DannyDeever"andthe"Erlkonig"inhismajestic，greatorgan—tonesandartillery，andGabrilowitschplayedtheaccompanimentsastheywereneverplayedbefore，Idosuppose。
　　Thereisnotmuchtoaddtothataccount。Clemens，introducingtheperformers，wasthegayfeatureoftheoccasion。HespokeofthegreatreputationofBisphamandGabrilowitsch；thenhesaid：
　　"Mydaughterisnotasfamousasthesegentlemen，butsheiseversomuchbetter—looking。"
　　Themusicoftheeveningthatfollowed，withGabrilowitschatthepianoandDavidBisphamtosing，wassomethingnotlikelyevertoberepeated。
　　Bisphamsangthe"Erlkonig"and"Killiecrankie"andthe"Grenadiers"andseveralothersongs。HespokeofhavingsungWagner’sarrangementofthe"Grenadiers"atthecomposer’shomefollowinghisdeath，andhownoneofthefamilyhadhearditbefore。
　　Therefolloweddancing，andJeanClemens，fineandhandsome，apparentlyfulloflifeandhealth，danceddownthatgreatliving—roomascare—freeasiftherewasnoshadowuponherlife。Andtheeveningwasdistinguishedinanotherway，forbeforeitendedClaraClemenshadpromisedOssipGabrilowitschtobecomehiswife。
　　CCLXXXV
　　AWEDDINGATSTORMFIELD
　　TheweddingofOssipGabrilowitschandClaraClemenswasnotdelayed。
　　GabrilowitschhadsignedforaconcerttourinEurope，andunlessthemarriagetookplaceforthwithitmustbepostponedmanymonths。Itfollowed，therefore，fifteendaysaftertheengagement。Theywerebusydays。Clemens，enormouslyexcitedandpleasedovertheprospectofthefirstweddinginhisfamily，personallyattendedtotheselectionofthosewhoweretohaveannouncement—cards，employingastenographertomakethelist。
　　October6thwasaperfectwedding—day。Itwasoneofthosequiet，lovelyfalldayswhenthewholeworldseemsatpeace。Claude，thebutler，withhisusualskillinsuchmatters，haddecoratedthegreatliving—roomwithgayautumnfoliageandflowers，broughtinmainlyfromthewoodsandfields。Theyblendedperfectlywiththewarmtonesofthewallsandfurnishings，andIdonotremembereverhavingseenamorebeautifulroom。Onlyrelativesandafewofthenearestfriendswereinvitedtotheceremony。TheTwichellscameoveradayahead，forTwichell，whohadassistedinthemarriageritesbetweenSamuelClemensandOliviaLangdon，wastoperformthatceremonyfortheirdaughternow。Afellow—studentofthebrideandgroomwhentheyhadbeenpupilsofLeschetizky，inVienna——
　　MissEthelNewcomb——wasatthepianoandplayedsoftlytheWeddingMarchfrom"Taunhauser。"JeanClemenswastheonlybridesmaid，andshewasstatelyandclassicallybeautiful，withaprouddignityinheroffice。
　　JervisLangdon，thebride’scousinandchildhoodplaymate，actedasbestman，andClemens，ofcourse，gavethebrideaway。ByrequestheworehisscarletOxfordgownoverhissnowyflannels，andwassplendidbeyondwords。Idonotwriteoftheappearanceofthebrideandgroom，forbridesandgroomsarealwayshandsomeandalwayshappy，andcertainlythesewerenoexception。Itwasallsosoonover，thefeastingended，andtheprincipalswhirlingawayintothefuture。Ihaveapictureinmymindofthemseatedtogetherintheautomobile，withRichardWatsonGilderstandingonthestepforalastgood—by，andbeforethemawideexpanseofautumnfoliageanddistanthills。IrememberGilder’svoicesaying，whenthecarwasontheturn，andtheywerewavingbacktous：
　　"Overthehillsandfaraway，Beyondtheutmostpurplerim，Beyondthenight，beyondtheday，Throughalltheworldshefollowedhim。"
　　Thematteroftheweddinghadbeenkeptfromthenewspapersuntiltheeveofthewedding，whentheAssociatedPresshadbeennotified。A
　　representativewasthere；butClemenshadcharacteristicallyinterviewedhimselfonthesubject，anditwasonlynecessarytohandthereporteratypewrittencopy。Replyingtothequestionputtohimself，"Areyoupleasedwiththemarriage？"heanswered：
　　Yes，fullyasmuchasanymarriagecouldpleasemeoranyotherfather。Therearetwoorthreesolemnthingsinlifeandahappymarriageisoneofthem，fortheterrorsoflifearealltocome。
　　Iamgladofthismarriage，andMrs。Clemenswouldbeglad，forshealwayshadawarmaffectionforGabrilowitsch。
　　TherewasanotherweddingatStormfieldonthefollowingafternoon——animitationwedding。LittleJoycameupwithme，andwishedshecouldstandinjustthespotwhereshehadseenthebridestand，andsheexpressedawishthatshecouldgetmarriedlikethat。Clemenssaid：
　　"Franknessisajewel；onlytheyoungcanaffordit。"
　　Thenhehappenedtorememberaridiculousboy—doll——awhite—hairedcreaturewithredcoatandgreentrousers，asouvenirimitationofhimselffromoneoftheRogerses’Christmastrees。Heknewwhereitwas，andhegotitout。Thenhesaid：
　　"Now，Joy，wewillhaveanotherwedding。ThisisMr。ColonelWilliams，andyouaretobecomehisweddedwife。
　　SoJoystoodupverygravelyandClemensperformedtheceremony，andI
　　gavethebrideaway，andJoytohimbecameMrs。ColonelWilliamsthereafter，andenteredhappilyintohernewestate。
　　CCLXXXVI
　　AUTUMNDAYS
　　Aharvestoflettersfollowedthewedding：ageneralcongratulatoryexpression，mingledwithadmiration，affection，andgood—will。InhisinterviewClemenshadreferredtothepaininhisbreast；andmanybeggedhimtodenythattherewasanythingseriousthematterwithhim，urginghimtotrythisrelieforthat，patheticallyeagerforhiscontinuedlifeandhealth。Theycitedthecomforthehadbroughttoworld—wearyhumanityandhisunfailingstandforhumanjusticeasreasonswhyheshouldlive。Suchletterscouldnotfailtocheerhim。
　　Aletterofthisperiod，fromJohnBigelow，gavehimapleasureofitsown。ClemenshadwrittenBigelow，aproposofsomeadverseexpressiononthetariff：
　　Thankyouforanyhardwordyoucansayaboutthetariff。Iguessthegovernmentthatrobsitsownpeopleearnsthefutureitispreparingforitself。
　　BigelowwasjustthendeclininganinvitationtotheannualdinneroftheChamberofCommerce。Insendinghisregretshesaid：
　　ThesentimentIwouldproposeifIdaredtobepresentwouldbethewordsofMarkTwain，thestatesman：
　　"Thegovernmentthatrobsitsownpeopleearnsthefutureitispreparingforitself。"
　　NowtoClemenshimselfhewrote：
　　Rochefoucaultneversaidaclevererthing，norDr。Franklinawiserone……Becareful，ortheDemoswillberunningyouforPresidentwhenyouarenotonyourguard。
　　Yoursmorethanever，JOHNBIGELOW。
　　Amongthetributesthatcame，wasasermonbytheRev。FredWindowAdams，ofSchenectady，NewYork，withMarkTwainasitssubject。Mr。Adamschoseforhistext，"TakeMarkandbringhimwiththee；forheisprofitablefortheministry，"andheplacedthetwoMarks，St。MarkandMarkTwain，sidebysideasministerstohumanity，andcharacterizedhimas"afearlessknightofrighteousness。"AfewweekslaterMr。AdamshimselfcametoStormfield，and，likeallopen—mindedministersoftheGospel，hefoundthathecouldgetonverywellindeedwithMarkTwain。
　　Inspiteofthegood—willandthegoodwishesClemens’smaladydidnotimprove。Asthedaysgrewchillierhefoundthathemustremaincloserindoors。Thecoldairseemedtobringonthepains，andtheyweregraduallybecomingmoresevere；then，too，hedidnotfollowthedoctor’sordersinthematterofsmoking，noraltogetherastoexercise。
　　ToMissWallacehewrote：
　　Ican’twalk，Ican’tdrive，I’mnotdown—stairsmuch，andIdon’tseecompany，butIdrinkbarrelsofwatertokeepthepainquiet；Iread，andread，andread，andsmoke，andsmoke，andsmokeallthetimeasformerly，andit’sacontentedandcomfortablelife。
　　Butthiswasnotaltogetheraccurateastodetails。Hedidcomedown—
　　stairsmanytimesdaily，andhepersistedinbilliardsregardlessoftheparoxysms。Wefound，too，thattheseizureswereinducedbymentalagitation。OnenighthereadaloudtoJeanandmyselfthefirstchapterofanarticle，"TheTurning—PointinMyLife，"whichhewaspreparingforHarper’sBazar。Hehadbegunitwithoneofhisimpossibleburlesquefancies，andhefeltourattitudeofdisappointmentevenbeforeanywordhadbeensaid。Suddenlyherose，andlayinghishandonhisbreastsaid，"Imustliedown，"andstartedtowardthestair。Isupportedhimtohisroomandhurriedlypouredoutthehotwater。Hedrankitanddroppedbackonthebed。
　　"Don’tspeaktome，"hesaid；"don’tmakemetalk。"
　　Jeancamein，andwesatthereseveralmomentsinsilence。Ithinkwebothwonderedifthismightnotbetheend；butpresentlyhespokeofhisownaccord，declaringhewasbetter，andreadyforbilliards。
　　Weplayedforatleastanhourafterward，andheseemednoworsefortheattack。Itisacuriousmalady——thatangina；eventhedoctorsareacquaintedwithitsmanifestations，ratherthanitscause。Clemens’sgeneralhabitsofbodyandmindwereprobablynotsuchastodelayitsprogress；furthermore，therehadbefallenhimthatyearoneofthosemisfortuneswhichhisconfidingnaturepeculiarlyinvited——abetrayaloftrustbythoseinwhomithadbeenboundlesslyplaced——anditseemslikelythattheresultinghumiliationaggravatedhiscomplaint。Thewritingofadetailedhistoryofthisepisodeaffordedhimoccupationandacertainamusement，butprobablydidnotcontributetohishealth。Onedayhesentforhisattorney，Mr。CharlesT。Lark，andmadesomefinalrevisionsinhiswill。——[MarkTwain’sestate，laterappraisedatsomethingmorethan$600，000wasleftinthehandsoftrusteesforhisdaughters。ThetrusteeswereEdwardE。Loomis，JervisLangdon，andZohethS。Freeman。ThedirectionofhisliteraryaffairswaslefttohisdaughterClaraandthewriterofthishistory。
　　Toseehimyouwouldneverhavesuspectedthathewasill。Hewasingoodflesh，andhismovementwasasairyandhiseyeasbrightandhisfaceasfullofbloomasatanytimeduringtheperiodIhadknownhim；
　　also，hewasaslight—heartedandfullofideasandplans，andhewasevengentler——havinggrownmellowwithageandretirement，likegoodwine。
　　Andofcoursehewouldfindamusementinhiscondition。Hesaid：
　　"Ihavealwayspretendedtobesicktoescapevisitors；now，forthefirsttime，Ihavegotagenuineexcuse。Itmakesmefeelsohonest。"
　　Andonce，whenJeanreportedacallerinthelivingroom，hesaid：
　　"Jean，Ican’tseeher。TellherIamlikelytodropdeadanyminuteanditwouldbemostembarrassing。"
　　Buthedidseeher，foritwasapoet——AngelaMorgan——andhereadherpoem，"God’sMan，"aloudwithgreatfeeling，andlaterhesolditforhertoCollier’sWeekly。
　　Hestillhadviolentragesnowandthen，rememberingsomeofthemostnotableofhismistakes；andonce，afterdenouncinghimself，ratherinclusively，asanidiot，hesaid：
　　"IwishtoGodthelightningwouldstrikeme；butI’vewishedthatfiftythousandtimesandnevergotanythingoutofityet。Ihavemissedseveralgoodchances。Mrs。Clemenswasafraidoflightning，andwouldneverletmebaremyheadtothestorm。"
　　Theelementofhumorwasneverlacking，andtheragesbecamelessviolentandlessfrequent。
　　IwasatStormfieldsteadilynow，andtherewasaregularroutineofafternoonsessionsofbilliardsorreading，inwhichweweregenerallyalone；forJean，occupiedwithherfarmingandhersecretarylabors，seldomappearedexceptatmeal—times。Occasionallyshejoinedinthebilliardgames；butitwasdifficultlearningandherinterestwasnotgreat。Shewouldhavemadeafineplayer，forshehadanaturaltalentforgames，asshehadforlanguages，andshecouldhavemasteredthescienceofanglesasshehadmasteredtennisandFrenchandGermanandItalian。Shehadnaturallyafineintellect，withmanyofherfather’scharacteristics，andatenderheartthatmadeeverydumbcreatureherfriend。
　　KatieLeary，whohadbeenJean’snurse，oncetoldhow，asalittlechild，JeanhadnotbeenparticularlyinterestedinapictureoftheLisbonearthquake，wherethepeoplewerebeingswallowedup；butonlookingatthenextpage，whichshowedanumberofanimalsbeingoverwhelmed，shehadsaid：
　　"Poorthings！"
　　Katiesaid：
　　"Why，youdidn’tsaythataboutthepeople！"
　　ButJeananswered：
　　"Oh，theycouldspeak。"
　　Onenightatthedinner—tableherfatherwassayinghowdifficultitmustbeforamanwhohadledabusylifetogiveupthehabitofwork。
　　"ThatiswhytheRogerseskillthemselves，"hesaid。Theywouldratherkillthemselvesintheoldtreadmillthanstopandtrytokilltime。
　　Theyhaveforgottenhowtorest。Theyknownothingbuttokeepontilltheydrop。"
　　ItoldofsomethingIhadreadnotlongbefore。ItwasaboutanagedlionthathadbrokenloosefromhiscageatConeyIsland。Hehadnotofferedtohurtanyone；butafterwanderingaboutalittle，ratheraimlessly，hehadcometoapicket—fence，andamomentlaterbeganpacingupanddowninfrontofit，justthelengthofhiscage。Theyhadcomeandledhimbacktohisprisonwithouttrouble，andhehadrushedeagerlyintoit。InoticedthatJeanwaslisteninganxiously，andwhenI
　　finishedshesaid：
　　"Isthatatruestory？"
　　Shehadforgottenaltogetherthepointinillustration。Shewasconcernedonlywiththepooroldbeastthathadfoundnojoyinhisliberty。
　　AmongthelettersthatClemenswrotejustthenwasonetoMissWallace，inwhichhedescribedthegloryofthefallcolorsasseenfromhiswindows。
　　Theautumnsplendorspassedyouby？Whatapity！Iwishyouhadbeenhere。Itwasbeyondwords！Itwasheaven&hell&sunset&
　　rainbows&theauroraallfusedintoonedivineharmony，&youcouldn’tlookatitandkeepthetearsback。
　　Suchasingingtogether，&suchawhisperingtogether，&suchasnugglingtogetherofcozy，softcolors，&suchkissing&caressing，&suchprettyblushingwhenthesunbreaksout&catchesthosedaintyweedsatit——yourememberthatweed—gardenofmine？——&then——
　　thenthefarhillssleepinginadimbluetrance——oh，hearingaboutitisnothing，youshouldbeheretoseeit！
　　Inthesameletterhereferstosomeworkthathewaswritingforhisownsatisfaction——’LettersfromtheEarth’；saidletterssupposedtohavebeenwrittenbyanimmortalvisitantandaddressedtootherimmortalsinsomeremotesphere。
　　I’llreadpassagestoyou。Thisbookwillneverbepublished—infactitcouldn’tbe，becauseitwouldbefelony……Paineenjoysit，butPaineisgoingtobedamnedoneofthesedays，I
　　suppose。
　　Iverywellrememberhiswritingthose’LettersfromtheEarth’。Hereadthemtomefromtimetotimeashewrotethem，andtheywerefairlyoverflowingwithhumorandphilosophyandsatireconcerningthehumanrace。Theimmortalvisitorpointedout，oneafteranother，theabsurditiesofmankind，hisridiculousconceptionofheaven，andhisspecialconceitinbelievingthathewastheCreator’spet——theparticularformoflifeforwhichalltheuniversewascreated。Clemensallowedhisexuberantfancyfreerein，beingundernorestrictionsastothepossibilityofprintorpublicoffense。Heenjoyedthemhimself，too，ashereadthemaloud，andwelaughedourselvesweakoverhisboldimaginings。
　　Oneadmissibleextractwillcarrysomethingoftheflavorofthesechapters。Itiswherethecelestialcorrespondentdescribesman’sreligion。
　　Hisheavenislikehimself：strange，interesting，astonishing，grotesque。Igiveyoumywordithasnotasinglefeatureinitthatheactuallyvalues。Itconsists——utterlyandentirely——ofdiversionswhichhecaresnexttonothingabouthereintheearth，yetheisquitesurehewilllikeinheaven。Isn’titcurious？
　　Isn’titinteresting？YoumustnotthinkIamexaggerating，foritisnotso。Iwillgiveyouthedetails。
　　Most，mendonotsing，mostmencannotsing，mostmenwillnotstaywhereothersaresingingifitbecontinuedmorethantwohours。
　　Notethat。
　　Onlyabouttwomeninahundredcanplayuponamusicalinstrument，andnotfourinahundredhaveanywishtolearnhow。Setthatdown。
　　Manymenpray，notmanyofthemliketodoit。Afewpraylong，theothersmakeashort—cut。
　　Moremengotochurchthanwantto。
　　Toforty—ninemeninfiftytheSabbathdayisadreary，drearybore。
　　Further，allsanepeopledetestnoise。
　　Allpeople，saneorinsane，liketohavevarietyintheirlives。
　　Monotonyquicklyweariesthem。
　　Nowthen，youhavethefacts。Youknowwhatmendon’tenjoy。Well，theyhaveinventedaheaven，outoftheirownheads，allbythemselves；guesswhatitislike？Infifteenhundredyearsyoucouldn’tdoit。Theyhaveleftouttheverythingstheycareformosttheirdearestpleasures——andreplacedthemwithprayer！
　　Inman’sheaveneverybodysings。Therearenoexceptions。Themanwhodidnotsingonearthsingsthere；themanwhocouldnotsingonearthsingsthere。Thusuniversalsingingisnotcasual，notoccasional，notrelievedbyintervalsofquiet；itgoesonalldaylongandeverydayduringastretchoftwelvehours。Andeverybodystayswhereonearththeplacewouldbeemptyintwohours。Thesingingisofhymnsalone。Nay，itisonehymnalone。Thewordsarealwaysthesameinnumber——theyareonlyaboutadozen——thereisnorhyme——thereisnopoetry。"Hosanna，hosanna，hosannauntothehighest！"andafewsuchphrasesconstitutethewholeservice。
　　Meantime，everypersonisplayingonaharp！Considerthedeafeninghurricaneofsound。Consider，further，itisapraiseservice——aserviceofcompliment，flattery，adulation。Doyouaskwhoitisthatiswillingtoendurethisstrangecompliment，thisinsanecompliment，andwhonotonlyenduresitbutlikesit，enjoysit，requiresit，commandsit？Holdyourbreath：ItisGod！Thisrace’sGodImean——theirownpetinvention。
　　Mostoftheideaspresentedinthishislastcommentaryonhumanabsurditieswerenewonlyastophrasing。Hehadexhaustedthetopiclongago，inonewayoranother；butitwasoneofthethemesinwhichheneverlostinterest。Manysubjectsbecamestaletohimatlast；butthecuriousinventioncalledmanremainedanoveltytohimtotheend。
　　Frommynote—book：
　　October25。Iamconstantlyamazedathisknowledgeofhistory——allhistory——religious，political，military。HeseemstohavereadeverythingintheworldconcerningRome，France，andEnglandparticularly。
　　Lastnightwestoppedplayingbilliardswhilehereviewed，inthemostvividandpicturesquephrasing，thereasonsofRome’sdecline。
　　Suchapresentationwouldhaveenthralledanyaudience——Icouldnothelpfeelingagreatpitythathehadnotdevotedsomeofhispublicefforttoworkofthatsort。Noonecouldhaveequaledhimatit。
　　HeconcludedwithsomecommentsonthepossibilityofAmericafollowingRome’sexample，thoughhethoughtthevoteofthepeoplewouldalways，oratleastforalongperiod，preventimperialism。
　　November1。To—dayhehasbeenabsorbedinhisoldinterestinshorthand。"Itistheonlyrationalalphabet，"hedeclared。"Allthisspellingreformisnonsense。Whatweneedisalphabetreform，andshorthandisthething。TaketheletterM，forinstance；itismadewithonestrokeinshorthand，whileinlonghanditrequiresatleastthree。ThewordMephistophelescanbewritteninshorthandwithone—sixththenumberofstrokesthatisrequiredinlonghand。
　　Itellyoushorthandshouldbeadoptedasthealphabet。"
　　Isaid："Thereisthisobjection：thecharactersaresoslightlydifferentthateachwritersoonformsasystemofhisownanditisseldomthattwocanreadeachother’snotes。"
　　"Youaretalkingofstenographicreporting，"hesaid，ratherwarmly。
　　"Nothingofthekindistrueinthecaseoftheregularalphabet。
　　Itisperfectlyclearandlegible。"
　　"Wouldyouhaveitintheschools，then？"
　　"Yes，itshouldbetaughtintheschools，notforstenographicpurposes，butonlyforuseinwritingtosavetime。"
　　Hewasverymuchinearnest，andsaidhehadundertakenanarticleonthesubject。
　　November3。Hesaidhecouldnotsleeplastnight，forthinkingwhatafoolhehadbeeninhisvariousinvestments。
　　"Ihavealwaysbeenthevictimofsomebody，"hesaid，"andalwaysanidiotmyself，doingthingsthatevenachildwouldnotdo。Neveraskinganybody’sadvice——nevertakingitwhenitwasoffered。I
　　can’tseehowanybodycoulddothethingsIhavedoneandhavekeptrightondoing。"
　　Icouldseethatthethoughtagitatedhim，andIsuggestedthatwegotohisroomandread，whichwedid，andhadariotoustimeoverthemostrecentchaptersofthe’LettersfromtheEarth’，andsomenoteshehadmadeforfuturechaptersoninfantdamnationandotherdistinctivefeaturesoforthodoxcreeds。HetoldananecdoteofanoldministerwhodeclaredthatPresbyterianismwithoutinfantdamnationwouldbelikethedogonthetrainthatcouldn’tbeidentifiedbecauseithadlostitstag。
　　SomewhatonthedefensiveIsaid，"Butwemustadmitthattheso—
　　calledChristiannationsarethemostenlightenedandprogressive。"
　　Heanswered，"Yes，butinspiteoftheirreligion，notbecauseofit。TheChurchhasopposedeveryinnovationanddiscoveryfromthedayofGalileodowntoourowntime，whentheuseofanestheticsinchild—birthwasregardedasasinbecauseitavoidedthebiblicalcursepronouncedagainstEve。Andeverystepinastronomyandgeologyevertakenhasbeenopposedbybigotryandsuperstition。
　　TheGreekssurpassedusinartisticcultureandinarchitecturefivehundredyearsbeforetheChristianreligionwasborn。
　　"IhavebeenreadingGibbon’scelebratedFifteenthChapter，"hesaidlater，"andIdon’tseewhatChristiansfoundagainstit。Itissomild——sogentleinitssarcasm。"HeaddedthathehadbeenreadingalsoalittlebookofbriefbiographiesandhadfoundinitthesayingofDarwin’sfather，"UnitarianismisafeatherbedtocatchfallingChristians。"
　　"Iwasgladtofindandidentifythatsaying，"hesaid；"itissogood。"
　　HefinishedtheeveningbyreadingachapterfromCarlyle’sFrenchRevolution——afinepyrotechnicpassage——thegatheringatVersailles。
　　IsaidthatCarlylesomehowremindedmeofafervidstump—speakerwhopoundedhisfistsandwentathisaudiencefiercely，determinedtoconvincethem。
　　"Yes，"hesaid，"butheisthebestonethateverlived。"
　　November10。Thismorningearlyheheardmestirringandcalled。I
　　wentinandfoundhimproppedupwithabook，asusual。Hesaid：
　　"IseldomreadChristmasstories，butthisisverybeautiful。Ithasmademecry。Iwantyoutoreadit。"ItwasBoothTarkington’s’Beasley’sChristmasParty’。"Tarkingtonhasthetruetouch，"hesaid；"hisworkalwayssatisfiesme。"AnotherbookhehasbeenreadingwithgreatenjoymentisJamesBranchCabell’sChivalry。HecannotsayenoughofthesubtlepoeticartwithwhichCabellhasflungthelightofromanceaboutdarkandsordidchaptersofhistory。
　　CCLXXVII
　　MARKTWAIN’SREADING
　　PerhapshereonemayspeakofMarkTwain’sreadingingeneral。Onthetablebyhim，andonhisbed，andinthebilliard—roomshelveshekeptthebookshereadmost。Theywerenotmany——notmorethanadozen——buttheyweremanifestlyoffamiliarandfrequentusage。All，ornearlyall，hadannotations——spontaneouslyutteredmarginalnotes，titleprefatories，orconcludingcomments。Theywerethebookshehadreadagainandagain，anditwasseldomthathehadnothadsomethingtosaywitheachfreshreading。
　　TherewerethethreebigvolumesbySaint—Simon——’TheMemoirs’——whichheoncetoldmehehadreadnolessthantwentytimes。Onthefly—leafofthefirstvolumehewroteThis，&Casanova&Pepys，setinparallelcolumns，couldaffordagoodcoupd’oeilofFrench&Englishhighlifeofthatepoch。
　　Allthroughthosefinelyprintedvolumesarehiscommentaries，sometimesnomorethanaword，sometimesafilled，closelywrittenmargin。HefoundlittletoadmireinthehumannatureofSaint—Simon’speriod——
　　littletoapproveinSaint—Simonhimselfbeyondhisunrestrainedfrankness，whichheadmiredwithoutstint，andinoneparagraphwherethedetailsofthatearlyperiodaresetdownwithstartlingfidelityhewrote："Oh，incomparableSaint—Simon！"
　　Saint—Simonisalwaysfrank，andMarkTwainwasequallyso。WheretheformertellsoneoftheunspeakablecompulsionsofLouisXIV。，thelatterhascommented：
　　WehavetograntthatGodmadethisroyalhog；wemayalsobepermittedtobelievethatitwasacrimetodoso。
　　Andonanotherpage：
　　InhermemoriesofthisperiodtheDuchessedeSt。Clairmakesthisstrikingremark："Sometimesonecouldtellagentleman，butitwasonlybyhismannerofusinghisfork。"
　　HiscommentsontheorthodoxreligionofSaint—Simon’speriodarenotmarkedbygentleness。Oftheauthor’sreferencetotheEdictofNantes，whichhesaysdepopulatedhalfoftherealm，ruineditscommerce，and"authorizedtormentsandpunishmentsbywhichsomanyinnocentpeopleofbothsexeswerekilledbythousands，"Clemenswrites：
　　SomuchbloodhasbeenshedbytheChurchbecauseofanomissionfromtheGospel："Yeshallbeindifferentastowhatyourneighbor’sreligionis。"
　　Notmerelytolerantofit，butindifferenttoit。Divinityisclaimedformanyreligions；butnoreligionisgreatenoughordivineenoughtoaddthatnewlawtoitscode。
　　IntheplacewhereSaint—SimondescribesthedeathofMonseigneur，sonoftheking，andthecourthypocritesarewailingtheirextravagantlypretendedsorrow，Clemenswrote：
　　Itisallsotrue，allsohuman。Godmadetheseanimals。Hemusthavenoticedthisscene；IwishIknewhowitstruckHim。
　　TherewerenotmanynotesintheSuetonius，norintheCarlyleRevolution，thoughthesewereamongthevolumeshereadoftenest。
　　Perhapstheyexpressedforhimtoocompletelyandtoorichlytheirsubject—mattertorequireanythingathishand。Hereandtherearemarkedpassagesandoccasionalcross—referencestorelatedhistoryandcircumstance。
　　TherewasnotmuchroomforcommentonthenarrowmarginsoftheoldcopyofPepys，whichhehadreadsteadilysincetheearlyseventies；buthereandthereafewcrispwords，andtheunderscoringandmarkedpassagesareplentifulenoughtoconveyhisdevotiontothatquaintrecordwhich，perhapsnexttoSuetonius，wasthebookhereadandquotedmost。
　　FrancisParkman’sCanadianHistorieshehadreadperiodically，especiallythestoryoftheOldRegimeandoftheJesuitsinNorthAmerica。AslateasJanuary，1908，hewroteonthetitle—pageoftheOldRegime：
　　Veryinteresting。IttellshowpeoplereligiouslyandotherwiseinsanecameoverfromFranceandcolonizedCanada。