THEFACTSCONCERNINGTHERECENTCARNIVALOFCRIMEINCONNECTICUT
　　Iwasfeelingblithe，almostjocund。Iputamatchtomycigar，andjustthenthemorning’smailwashandedin。ThefirstsuperscriptionI
　　glancedatwasinahandwritingthatsentathrillofpleasurethroughandthroughme。ItwasAuntMary’s；andshewasthepersonIlovedandhonoredmostinalltheworld，outsideofmyownhousehold。Shehadbeenmyboyhood’sidol；maturity，whichisfataltosomanyenchantments，hadnotbeenabletodislodgeherfromherpedestal；no，ithadonlyjustifiedherrighttobethere，andplacedherdethronementpermanentlyamongtheimpossibilities。Toshowhowstrongherinfluenceovermewas，Iwillobservethatlongaftereverybodyelse’s"do—stop—smoking"hadceasedtoaffectmeintheslightestdegree，AuntMarycouldstillstirmytorpidconscienceintofaintsignsoflifewhenshetoucheduponthematter。Butallthingshavetheirlimitinthisworld。Ahappydaycameatlast，whenevenAuntMary’swordscouldnolongermoveme。Iwasnotmerelygladtoseethatdayarrive；Iwasmorethanglad——Iwasgrateful；
　　forwhenitssunhadset，theonealloythatwasabletomarmyenjoymentofmyaunt’ssocietywasgone。Theremainderofherstaywithusthatwinterwasineverywayadelight。Ofcourseshepleadedwithmejustasearnestlyasever，afterthatblessedday，toquitmypernicioushabit，buttonopurposewhatever；themomentsheopenedthesubjectIatoncebecamecalmly，peacefully，contentedlyindifferent——absolutely，adamantinelyindifferent。Consequentlytheclosingweeksofthatmemorablevisitmeltedawayaspleasantlyasadream，theyweresofreightedformewithtranquilsatisfaction。Icouldnothaveenjoyedmypetvicemoreifmygentletormentorhadbeenasmokerherself，andanadvocateofthepractice。Well，thesightofherhandwritingremindedmethatIwaygettingveryhungrytoseeheragain。IeasilyguessedwhatI
　　shouldfindinherletter。Iopenedit。Good！justasIexpected；shewascoming！Comingthisveryday，too，andbythemorningtrain；Imightexpectheranymoment。
　　Isaidtomyself，"Iamthoroughlyhappyandcontentnow。Ifmymostpitilessenemycouldappearbeforemeatthismoment，IwouldfreelyrightanywrongImayhavedonehim。"
　　Straightwaythedooropened，andashriveled，shabbydwarfentered。Hewasnotmorethantwofeethigh。Heseemedtobeaboutfortyyearsold。
　　Everyfeatureandeveryinchofhimwasatrifleoutofshape；andso，whileonecouldnotputhisfingeruponanyparticularpartandsay，"Thisisaconspicuousdeformity，"thespectatorperceivedthatthislittlepersonwasadeformityasawhole——avague，general，evenlyblended，nicelyadjusteddeformity。Therewasafox—likecunninginthefaceandthesharplittleeyes，andalsoalertnessandmalice。Andyet，thisvilebitofhumanrubbishseemedtobearasortofremoteandill—definedresemblancetome！Itwasdullyperceptibleinthemeanform，thecountenance，andeventheclothes，gestures，manner，andattitudesofthecreature。Hewasafarfetched，dimsuggestionofaburlesqueuponme，acaricatureofmeinlittle。Onethingabouthimstruckmeforciblyandmostunpleasantly：hewascoveredalloverwithafuzzy，greenishmold，suchasonesometimesseesuponmildewedbread。
　　Thesightofitwasnauseating。
　　Hesteppedalongwithachipperair，andflunghimselfintoadoll’schairinaveryfree—and—easyway，withoutwaitingtobeasked。Hetossedhishatintothewaste—basket。Hepickedupmyoldchalkpipefromthefloor，gavethestemawipeortwoonhisknee，filledthebowlfromthetobacco—boxathisside，andsaidtomeinatoneofpertcommand：
　　"Gimmeamatch！"
　　Iblushedtotherootsofmyhair；partlywithindignation，butmainlybecauseitsomehowseemedtomethatthiswholeperformancewasverylikeanexaggerationofconductwhichImyselfhadsometimesbeenguiltyofinmyintercoursewithfamiliarfriends——butnever，neverwithstrangers，I
　　observedtomyself。Iwantedtokickthepygmyintothefire，butsomeincomprehensiblesenseofbeinglegallyandlegitimatelyunderhisauthorityforcedmetoobeyhisorder。Heappliedthematchtothepipe，tookacontemplativewhiffortwo，andremarked，inanirritatinglyfamiliarway：
　　"Seemstomeit’sdevilishoddweatherforthistimeofyear。"
　　Iflushedagain，andinangerandhumiliationasbefore；forthelanguagewashardlyanexaggerationofsomethatIhaveutteredinmyday，andmoreoverwasdeliveredinatoneofvoiceandwithanexasperatingdrawlthathadtheseemingofadeliberatetravestyofmystyle。NowthereisnothingIamquitesosensitiveaboutasamockingimitationofmydrawlinginfirmityofspeech。Ispokeupsharplyandsaid：
　　"Lookhere，youmiserableash—cat！youwillhavetogivealittlemoreattentiontoyourmanners，orIwillthrowyououtofthewindow！"
　　Themanikinsmiledasmileofmaliciouscontentandsecurity，puffedawhiffofsmokecontemptuouslytowardme，andsaid，withastillmoreelaboratedrawl：
　　"Come——gogentlynow；don’tputontoomanyairswithyourbetters。"
　　Thiscoolsnubraspedmeallover，butitseemedtosubjugateme，too，foramoment。Thepygmycontemplatedmeawhilewithhisweaseleyes，andthensaid，inapeculiarlysneeringway：
　　"Youturnedatrampawayfromyourdoorthismorning。"
　　Isaidcrustily：
　　"PerhapsIdid，perhapsIdidn’t。Howdoyouknow？"
　　"Well，Iknow。Itisn’tanymatterhowIknow。"
　　"Verywell。SupposeIdidturnatrampawayfromthedoor——whatofit？"
　　"Oh，nothing；nothinginparticular。Onlyyouliedtohim。"
　　"Ididn’t！Thatis，I——"
　　"Yes，butyoudid；youliedtohim。"
　　Ifeltaguiltypang——intruth，Ihadfeltitfortytimesbeforethattramphadtraveledablockfrommydoor——butstillIresolvedtomakeashowoffeelingslandered；soIsaid：
　　"Thisisabaselessimpertinence。Isaidtothetramp——"
　　"There——wait。Youwereabouttolieagain。Iknowwhatyousaidtohim。
　　Yousaidthecookwasgonedown—townandtherewasnothingleftfrombreakfast。Twolies。Youknewthecookwasbehindthedoor，andplentyofprovisionsbehindher。"
　　Thisastonishingaccuracysilencedme；anditfilledmewithwonderingspeculations，too，astohowthiscubcouldhavegothisinformation。
　　Ofcoursehecouldhaveculledtheconversationfromthetramp，butbywhatsortofmagichadhecontrivedtofindoutabouttheconcealedcook？
　　Nowthedwarfspokeagain：
　　"Itwasratherpitiful，rathersmall，inyoutorefusetoreadthatpooryoungwoman’smanuscripttheotherday，andgiveheranopinionastoitsliteraryvalue；andshehadcomesofar，too，andsohopefully。Nowwasn’tit？"
　　Ifeltlikeacur！AndIhadfeltsoeverytimethethinghadrecurredtomymind，Imayaswellconfess。Iflushedhotlyandsaid：
　　"Lookhere，haveyounothingbettertodothanprowlaroundpryingintootherpeople’sbusiness？Didthatgirltellyouthat？"
　　"Nevermindwhethershedidornot。Themainthingis，youdidthatcontemptiblething。Andyoufeltashamedofitafterward。Aha！youfeelashamedofitnow！"
　　Thiswasasortofdevilishglee。WithfieryearnestnessIresponded：
　　"Itoldthatgirl，inthekindest，gentlestway，thatIcouldnotconsenttodeliverjudgmentuponanyone’smanuscript，becauseanindividual’sverdictwasworthless。Itmightunderrateaworkofhighmeritandloseittotheworld，oritmightoverrateatrashyproductionandsoopenthewayforitsinflictionupontheworld：Isaidthatthegreatpublicwastheonlytribunalcompetenttositinjudgmentuponaliteraryeffort，andthereforeitmustbebesttolayitbeforethattribunalintheoutset，sinceintheenditmuststandorfallbythatmightycourt’sdecisionanyway。"
　　"Yes，yousaidallthat。Soyoudid，youjuggling，small—souledshuffler！Andyetwhenthehappyhopefulnessfadedoutofthatpoorgirl’sface，whenyousawherfurtivelyslipbeneathhershawlthescrollshehadsopatientlyandhonestlyscribbledat——soashamedofherdarlingnow，soproudofitbefore——whenyousawthegladnessgooutofhereyesandthetearscomethere，whenshecreptawaysohumblywhohadcomeso——"
　　"Oh，peace！peace！peace！Blisteryourmercilesstongue，haven’tallthesethoughtstorturedmeenoughwithoutyourcomingheretofetchthembackagain！"
　　Remorse！remorse！Itseemedtomethatitwouldeattheveryheartoutofme！Andyetthatsmallfiendonlysatthereleeringatmewithjoyandcontempt，andplacidlychuckling。Presentlyhebegantospeakagain。
　　Everysentencewasanaccusation，andeveryaccusationatruth。Everyclausewasfreightedwithsarcasmandderision，everyslow—droppingwordburnedlikevitriol。ThedwarfremindedmeoftimeswhenIhadflownatmychildreninangerandpunishedthemforfaultswhichalittleinquirywouldhavetaughtmethatothers，andnotthey，hadcommitted。
　　HeremindedmeofhowIhaddisloyallyallowedoldfriendstobetraducedinmyhearing，andbeentoocraventoutterawordintheirdefense。
　　HeremindedmeofmanydishonestthingswhichIhaddone；ofmanywhichI
　　hadprocuredtobedonebychildrenandotherirresponsiblepersons；ofsomewhichIhadplanned，thoughtupon，andlongedtodo，andbeenkeptfromtheperformancebyfearofconsequencesonly。Withexquisitecrueltyherecalledtomymind，itembyitem，wrongsandunkindnessesI
　　hadinflictedandhumiliationsIhadputuponfriendssincedead，"whodiedthinkingofthoseinjuries，maybe，andgrievingoverthem，"headded，bywayofpoisontothestab。
　　"Forinstance，"saidhe，"takethecaseofyouryoungerbrother，whenyoutwowereboystogether，manyalongyearago。Healwayslovinglytrustedinyouwithafidelitythatyourmanifoldtreacherieswerenotabletoshake。Hefollowedyouaboutlikeadog，contenttosufferwrongandabuseifhemightonlybewithyou；patientundertheseinjuriessolongasitwasyourhandthatinflictedthem。Thelatestpictureyouhaveofhiminhealthandstrengthmustbesuchacomforttoyou！Youpledgedyourhonorthatifhewouldletyoublindfoldhimnoharmshouldcometohim；andthen，gigglingandchokingovertherarefunofthejoke，youledhimtoabrookthinlyglazedwithice，andpushedhimin；andhowyoudidlaugh！Man，youwillneverforgetthegentle，reproachfullookhegaveyouashestruggledshiveringout，ifyouliveathousandyears！
　　Oh！youseeitnow，youseeitnow！"
　　"Beast，Ihaveseenitamilliontimes，andshallseeitamillionmore！
　　andmayyourotawaypiecemeal，andsuffertilldoomsdaywhatIsuffernow，forbringingitbacktomeagain！"
　　Thedwarfchuckledcontentedly，andwentonwithhisaccusinghistoryofmycareer。Idroppedintoamoody，vengefulstate，andsufferedinsilenceunderthemercilesslash。Atlastthisremarkofhisgavemeasuddenrouse：
　　"Twomonthsago，onaTuesday，youwokeup，awayinthenight，andfelltothinking，withshame，aboutapeculiarlymeanandpitifulactofyourstowardapoorignorantIndianinthewildsoftheRockyMountainsinthewinterofeighteenhundredand——"
　　"Stopamoment，devil！Stop！Doyoumeantotellmethatevenmyverythoughtsarenothiddenfromyou？"
　　"Itseemstolooklikethat。Didn’tyouthinkthethoughtsIhavejustmentioned？"
　　"IfIdidn’t，IwishImayneverbreatheagain！Lookhere，friend——lookmeintheeye。Whoareyou？"
　　"Well，whodoyouthink？"
　　"IthinkyouareSatanhimself。Ithinkyouarethedevil。"
　　"No。"
　　"No？Thenwhocanyoube？"
　　"Wouldyoureallyliketoknow？"
　　"IndeedIwould。"
　　"Well，IamyourConscience！"
　　InaninstantIwasinablazeofjoyandexultation。Isprangatthecreature，roaring：
　　"Curseyou，Ihavewishedahundredmilliontimesthatyouweretangible，andthatIcouldgetmyhandsonyourthroatonce！Oh，butIwillwreakadeadlyvengeanceon——"
　　Folly！LightningdoesnotmovemorequicklythanmyConsciencedid！
　　Hedartedaloftsosuddenlythatinthemomentmyfingersclutchedtheemptyairhewasalreadyperchedonthetopofthehighbookcase，withhisthumbathisnoseintokenofderision。Iflungthepokerathim，andmissed。Ifiredthebootjack。InablindrageIflewfromplacetoplace，andsnatchedandhurledanymissilethatcamehandy；thestormofbooks，inkstands，andchunksofcoalgloomedtheairandbeataboutthemanikin’sperchrelentlessly，butalltonopurpose；thenimblefiguredodgedeveryshot；andnotonlythat，butburstintoacackleofsarcasticandtriumphantlaughterasIsatdownexhausted。WhileI
　　puffedandgaspedwithfatigueandexcitement，myConsciencetalkedtothiseffect：
　　"Mygoodslave，youarecuriouslywitless——no，Imeancharacteristicallyso。Intruth，youarealwaysconsistent，alwaysyourself，alwaysanass。
　　Otherwiseitmusthaveoccurredtoyouthatifyouattemptedthismurderwithasadheartandaheavyconscience，Iwoulddroopundertheburdeningininfluenceinstantly。Fool，Ishouldhaveweighedaton，andcouldnothavebudgedfromthefloor；butinstead，youaresocheerfullyanxioustokillmethatyourconscienceisaslightasafeather；henceI
　　amawayuphereoutofyourreach。Icanalmostrespectamereordinarysortoffool；butyoupah！"
　　Iwouldhavegivenanything，then，tobeheavyhearted，sothatIcouldgetthispersondownfromthereandtakehislife，butIcouldnomorebeheavy—heartedoversuchadesirethanIcouldhavesorrowedoveritsaccomplishment。SoIcouldonlylooklonginglyupatmymaster，andraveattheillluckthatdeniedmeaheavyconsciencetheoneonlytimethatIhadeverwantedsuchathinginmylife。ByandbyIgottomusingoverthehour’sstrangeadventure，andofcoursemyhumancuriositybegantowork。Isetmyselftoframinginmymindsomequestionsforthisfiendtoanswer。Justthenoneofmyboysentered，leavingthedooropenbehindhim，andexclaimed：
　　"My！whathasbeengoingonhere？Thebookcaseisalloneriddleof——"
　　Isprangupinconsternation，andshouted：
　　"Outofthis！Hurry！jump！Fly！Shutthedoor！Quick，ormyConsciencewillgetaway！"
　　Thedoorslammedto，andIlockedit。Iglancedupandwasgrateful，tothebottomofmyheart，toseethatmyownerwasstillmyprisoner。I
　　said：
　　"Hangyou，Imighthavelostyou！Childrenaretheheedlessestcreatures。Butlookhere，friend，theboydidnotseemtonoticeyouatall；howisthat？"
　　"Foraverygoodreason。Iaminvisibletoallbutyou。"
　　Imadeamentalnoteofthatpieceofinformationwithagooddealofsatisfaction。Icouldkillthismiscreantnow，ifIgotachance，andnoonewouldknowit。ButthisveryreflectionmademesolightheartedthatmyConsciencecouldhardlykeephisseat，butwasliketofloatalofttowardtheceilinglikeatoyballoon。Isaid，presently：
　　"Come，myConscience，letusbefriendly。Letusflyaflagoftruceforawhile。Iamsufferingtoaskyousomequestions。"
　　"Verywell。Begin。"
　　"Well，then，inthefirstplace，whywereyounevervisibletomebefore？"
　　"Becauseyouneveraskedtoseemebefore；thatis，youneveraskedintherightspiritandtheproperformbefore。Youwerejustintherightspiritthistime，andwhenyoucalledforyourmostpitilessenemyIwasthatpersonbyaverylargemajority，thoughyoudidnotsuspectit。"
　　"Well，didthatremarkofmineturnyouintofleshandblood？"
　　"No。Itonlymademevisibletoyou。Iamunsubstantial，justasotherspiritsare。"
　　Thisremarkproddedmewithasharpmisgiving。
　　Ifhewasunsubstantial，howwasIgoingtokillhim？ButIdissembled，andsaidpersuasively：
　　"Conscience，itisn’tsociableofyoutokeepatsuchadistance。Comedownandtakeanothersmoke。"
　　Thiswasansweredwithalookthatwasfullofderision，andwiththisobservationadded：
　　"Comewhereyoucangetatmeandkillme？Theinvitationisdeclinedwiththanks。"
　　"Allright，"saidItomyself；"soitseemsaspiritcanbekilled，afterall；therewillbeonespiritlackinginthisworld，presently，orIlosemyguess。"ThenIsaidaloud：
　　"Friend——"
　　"There；waitabit。Iamnotyourfriend。Iamyourenemy；Iamnotyourequal，Iamyourmaster，Callme’mylord，’ifyouplease。Youaretoofamiliar。"
　　"Idon’tlikesuchtitles。Iamwillingtocallyou，sir。Thatisasfaras——"
　　"Wewillhavenoargumentaboutthis。Justobey，thatisall。Goonwithyourchatter。"
　　"Verywell，mylord——sincenothingbutmylordwillsuityou——Iwasgoingtoaskyouhowlongyouwillbevisibletome？"
　　"Always！"
　　Ibrokeoutwithstrongindignation："Thisissimplyanoutrage。ThatiswhatIthinkofit！Youhavedogged，anddogged，anddoggedme，allthedaysofmylife，invisible。Thatwasmiseryenough，nowtohavesuchalookingthingasyoutaggingaftermelikeanothershadowalltherestofmydayisanintolerableprospect。Youhavemyopinionmylord，makethemostofit。"
　　"Mylad，therewasneversopleasedaconscienceinthisworldasIwaswhenyoumademevisible。Itgivesmeaninconceivableadvantage。NowI
　　canlookyoustraightintheeye，andcallyounames，andleeratyou，jeeratyou，sneeratyou；andyouknowwhateloquencethereisinvisiblegestureandexpression，moreespeciallywhentheeffectisheightenedbyaudiblespeech。Ishallalwaysaddressyouhenceforthinyouro—w—ns—n—i—v—e—l—i—n—gd—r—a—w—l——baby！"
　　Iletflywiththecoal—hod。Noresult。Mylordsaid：
　　"Come，come！Remembertheflagoftruce！"
　　"Ah，Iforgotthat。Iwilltrytobecivil；andyoutryit，too，foranovelty。Theideaofacivilconscience！Itisagoodjoke；anexcellentjoke。AlltheconsciencesIhaveeverheardofwerenagging，badgering，fault—finding，execrablesavages！Yes；andalwaysinasweataboutsomepoorlittleinsignificanttrifleorother——destructioncatchthelotofthem，Isay！Iwouldtrademineforthesmallpoxandsevenkindsofconsumption，andbegladofthechance。Nowtellme，whyisitthataconsciencecan’thaulamanoverthecoalsonce，foranoffense，andthenlethimalone？Whyisitthatitwantstokeeponpeggingathim，dayandnightandnightandday，weekinandweekout，foreverandever，aboutthesameoldthing？Thereisnosenseinthat，andnoreasoninit。Ithinkaconsciencethatwillactlikethatismeanerthantheverydirtitself。"
　　"Well，WElikeit；thatsuffices。"
　　"Doyoudoitwiththehonestintenttoimproveaman？"
　　Thatquestionproducedasarcasticsmile，andthisreply：
　　"No，sir。Excuseme。Wedoitsimplybecauseitis’business。’Itisourtrade。Thepurposeofitistoimprovetheman，butwearemerelydisinterestedagents。Weareappointedbyauthority，andhaven’tanythingtosayinthematter。Weobeyordersandleavetheconsequenceswheretheybelong。ButIamwillingtoadmitthismuch：wedocrowdtheordersatriflewhenwegetachance，whichismostofthetime。
　　Weenjoyit。Weareinstructedtoremindamanafewtimesofanerror；
　　andIdon’tmindacknowledgingthatwetrytogiveprettygoodmeasure。
　　Andwhenwegetholdofamanofapeculiarlysensitivenature，oh，butwedohazehim！IhaveconsciencestocomeallthewayfromChinaandRussiatoseeapersonofthatkindputthroughhispaces，onaspecialoccasion。Why，Iknewamanofthatsortwhohadaccidentallycrippledamulattobaby；thenewswentabroad，andIwishyoumaynevercommitanothersiniftheconsciencesdidn’tflockfromallovertheearthtoenjoythefunandhelphismasterexorcisehim。Thatmanwalkedthefloorintortureforforty—eighthours，withouteatingorsleeping，andthenblewhisbrainsout。Thechildwasperfectlywellagaininthreeweeks。"
　　"Well，youareapreciouscrew，nottoputittoostrong。IthinkI
　　begintoseenowwhyyouhavealwaysbeenatrifleinconsistentwithme。
　　Inyouranxietytogetallthejuiceyoucanoutofasin，youmakeamanrepentofitinthreeorfourdifferentways。Forinstance，youfoundfaultwithmeforlyingtothattramp，andIsufferedoverthat。ButitwasonlyyesterdaythatItoldatrampthesquaretruth，towit，that，itbeingregardedasbadcitizenshiptoencouragevagrancy，Iwouldgivehimnothing。Whatdidyoudothen：Why，youmademesaytomyself，’Ah，itwouldhavebeensomuchkinderandmoreblamelesstoeasehimoffwithalittlewhitelie，andsendhimawayfeelingthatifhecouldnothavebread，thegentletreatmentwasatleastsomethingtobegratefulfor！’
　　Well，Isufferedalldayaboutthat。ThreedaysbeforeIhadfedatramp，andfedhimfreely，supposingitavirtuousact。Straightoffyousaid，’Oh，falsecitizen，tohavefedatramp！’andIsufferedasusual。
　　Igaveatrampwork；youobjectedtoit——afterthecontractwasmade，ofcourse；youneverspeakupbeforehand。Next，Irefusedatrampwork；
　　youobjectedtothat。Next，Iproposedtokillatramp；youkeptmeawakeallnight，oozingremorseateverypore。SureIwasgoingtoberightthistime，Isentthenexttrampawaywithmybenediction；andI
　　wishyoumayliveaslongasIdo，ifyoudidn’tmakemesmartallnightagainbecauseIdidn’tkillhim。Isthereanywayofsatisfyingthatmalignantinventionwhichiscalledaconscience？"
　　"Ha，ha！thisisluxury！Goon！"
　　"Butcome，now，answermethatquestion。Isthereanyway？"
　　"Well，nonethatIproposetotellyou，myson。Ass！Idon’tcarewhatactyoumayturnyourhandto，Icanstraightwaywhisperawordinyourearandmakeyouthinkyouhavecommittedadreadfulmeanness。Itismybusiness——andmyjoy——tomakeyourepentofeverythingyoudo。IfIhavefooledawayanyopportunitiesitwasnotintentional；Ibegtoassureyouitwasnotintentional！"
　　"Don’tworry；youhaven’tmissedatrickthatIknowof。Ineverdidathinginallmylife，virtuousorotherwise，thatIdidn’trepentofintwenty—fourhours。InchurchlastSundayIlistenedtoacharitysermon。
　　Myfirstimpulsewastogivethreehundredandfiftydollars；Irepentedofthatandreduceditahundred；repentedofthatandreduceditanotherhundred；repentedofthatandreduceditanotherhundred；repentedofthatandreducedtheremainingfiftytotwenty—five；repentedofthatandcamedowntofifteen；repentedofthatanddroppedtotwodollarsandahalf；whentheplatecamearoundatlast，Irepentedoncemoreandcontributedtencents。Well，whenIgothome，IdidwishtogoodnessI
　　hadthattencentsbackagain！Youneverdidletmegetthroughacharitysermonwithouthavingsomethingtosweatabout。"
　　"Oh，andInevershall，Inevershall。Youcanalwaysdependonme。"
　　"Ithinkso。Manyandmany’stherestlessnightI’vewantedtotakeyoubytheneck。IfIcouldonlygetholdofyounow！"
　　"Yes，nodoubt。ButIamnotanass；Iamonlythesaddleofanass。
　　Butgoon，goon。YouentertainmemorethanIliketoconfess。"
　　Iamgladofthat。Youwillnotmindmylyingalittle，tokeepinpractice。Lookhere；nottobetoopersonal，Ithinkyouareabouttheshabbiestandmostcontemptiblelittleshriveled—upreptilethatcanbeimagined。Iamgratefulenoughthatyouareinvisibletootherpeople，forIshoulddiewithshametobeseenwithsuchamildewedmonkeyofaconscienceasyouare。Nowifyouwerefiveorsixfeethigh，and——"
　　"Oh，come！whoistoblame？"
　　"Idon’tknow。"
　　"Why，youare；nobodyelse。"
　　"Confoundyou，Iwasn’tconsultedaboutyourpersonalappearance。"
　　"Idon’tcare，youhadagooddealtodowithit，nevertheless。Whenyouwereeightornineyearsold，Iwassevenfeethigh，andasprettyasapicture。"
　　"Iwishyouhaddiedyoung！Soyouhavegrownthewrongway，haveyou？"
　　"Someofusgrowonewayandsometheother。Youhadalargeconscienceonce；ifyou’veasmallconsciencenowIreckontherearereasonsforit。
　　However，bothofusaretoblame，youandI。Yousee，youusedtobeconscientiousaboutagreatmanythings；morbidlyso，Imaysay。Itwasagreatmanyyearsago。Youprobablydonotrememberitnow。Well，Itookagreatinterestinmywork，andIsoenjoyedtheanguishwhichcertainpetsinsofyoursafflictedyouwiththatIkeptpeltingatyouuntilIratheroverdidthematter。Youbegantorebel。OfcourseI
　　begantoloseground，then，andshrivelalittle——diminishinstature，getmoldy，andgrowdeformed。ThemoreIweakened，themorestubbornlyyoufastenedontothoseparticularsins；tillatlasttheplacesonmypersonthatrepresentthosevicesbecameascallousasshark—skin。Takesmoking，forinstance。Iplayedthatcardalittletoolong，andIlost。
　　Whenpeoplepleadwithyouatthislatedaytoquitthatvice，thatoldcallousplaceseemstoenlargeandcovermealloverlikeashirtofmail。Itexertsamysterious，smotheringeffect；andpresentlyI，yourfaithfulhater，yourdevotedConscience，gosoundasleep！Sound？Itisnonameforit。Icouldn’thearitthunderatsuchatime。Youhavesomefewothervices——perhapseighty，ormaybeninety——thataffectmeinmuchthesameway。"
　　"Thisisflattering；youmustbeasleepagoodpartofyourtime。"
　　"Yes，oflateyears。IshouldbeasleepallthetimebutforthehelpI
　　get。"
　　"Whohelpsyou？"
　　"Otherconsciences。WheneverapersonwhoseconscienceIamacquaintedwithtriestopleadwithyouaboutthevicesyouarecallousto，Igetmyfriendtogivehisclientapangconcerningsomevillainyofhisown，andthatshutsoffhismeddlingandstartshimofftohuntpersonalconsolation。Myfieldofusefulnessisabouttrimmeddowntotramps，buddingauthoresses，andthatlineofgoodsnow；butdon’tyouworry——I’llharryyouontheirswhiletheylast！Justyouputyourtrustinme。"
　　"IthinkIcan。Butifyouhadonlybeengoodenoughtomentionthesefactssomethirtyyearsago，Ishouldhaveturnedmyparticularattentiontosin，andIthinkthatbythistimeIshouldnotonlyhavehadyouprettypermanentlyasleepontheentirelistofhumanvices，butreducedtothesizeofahomeopathicpill，atthat。ThatisaboutthestyleofconscienceIampiningfor。IfIonlyhadyoushrunkyoudowntoahomeopathicpill，andcouldgetmyhandsonyou，wouldIputyouinaglasscaseforakeepsake？No，sir。Iwouldgiveyoutoayellowdog！
　　Thatiswhereyououghttobe——youandallyourtribe。Youarenotfittobeinsociety，inmyopinion。Nowanotherquestion。Doyouknowagoodmanyconsciencesinthissection？"
　　"Plentyofthem。"
　　"Iwouldgiveanythingtoseesomeofthem！Couldyoubringthemhere？
　　Andwouldtheybevisibletome？"
　　"Certainlynot。"
　　"IsupposeIoughttohaveknownthatwithoutasking。Butnomatter，youcandescribethem。TellmeaboutmyneighborThompson’sconscience，please。"
　　"Verywell。Iknowhimintimately；haveknownhimmanyyears。Iknewhimwhenhewaselevenfeethighandofafaultlessfigure。Butheisverypastyandtoughandmisshapennow，andhardlyeverinterestshimselfaboutanything。Astohispresentsize——well，hesleepsinacigar—box。"
　　"Likelyenough。Therearefewsmaller，meanermeninthisregionthanHughThompson。DoyouknowRobinson’sconscience？"
　　"Yes。Heisashadeunderfourandahalffeethigh；usedtobeablond；
　　isabrunettenow，butstillshapelyandcomely。"
　　"Well，Robinsonisagoodfellow。DoyouknowTomSmith’sconscience？"
　　"Ihaveknownhimfromchildhood。Hewasthirteenincheshigh，andrathersluggish，whenhewastwoyearsold——asnearlyallofusareatthatage。Heisthirty—sevenfeethighnow，andthestateliestfigureinAmerica。Hislegsarestillrackedwithgrowing—pains，buthehasagoodtime，nevertheless。Neversleeps。HeisthemostactiveandenergeticmemberoftheNewEnglandConscienceClub；ispresidentofit。NightanddayyoucanfindhimpeggingawayatSmith，pantingwithhislabor，sleevesrolledup，countenanceallalivewithenjoyment。Hehasgothisvictimsplendidlydragoonednow。HecanmakepoorSmithimaginethatthemostinnocentlittlethinghedoesisanodioussin；andthenhesetstoworkandalmosttorturesthesouloutofhimaboutit。"
　　"Smithisthenoblestmaninallthissection，andthepurest；andyetisalwaysbreakinghisheartbecausehecannotbegood！Onlyaconsciencecouldfindpleasureinheapingagonyuponaspiritlikethat。DoyouknowmyauntMary’sconscience？"
　　"Ihaveseenheratadistance，butamnotacquaintedwithher。Shelivesintheopenairaltogether，becausenodoorislargeenoughtoadmither。"
　　"Icanbelievethat。Letmesee。Doyouknowtheconscienceofthatpublisherwhooncestolesomesketchesofminefora’series’ofhis，andthenleftmetopaythelawexpensesIhadtoincurinordertochokehimoff？"
　　"Yes。Hehasawidefame。Hewasexhibited，amonthago，withsomeotherantiquities，forthebenefitofarecentMemberoftheCabinet’sconsciencethatwasstarvinginexile。Ticketsandfareswerehigh，butItraveledfornothingbypretendingtobetheconscienceofaneditor，andgotinforhalf—pricebyrepresentingmyselftobetheconscienceofaclergyman。However，thepublisher’sconscience，whichwastohavebeenthemainfeatureoftheentertainment，wasafailure——asanexhibition。
　　Hewasthere，butwhatofthat？Themanagementhadprovidedamicroscopewithamagnifyingpowerofonlythirtythousanddiameters，andsonobodygottoseehim，afterall。Therewasgreatandgeneraldissatisfaction，ofcourse，but——"
　　Justheretherewasaneagerfootsteponthestair；Iopenedthedoor，andmyauntMaryburstintotheroom。Itwasajoyfulmeetingandacheerybombardmentofquestionsandanswersconcerningfamilymattersensued。Byandbymyauntsaid：
　　"ButIamgoingtoabuseyoualittlenow。Youpromisedme，thedayI
　　sawyoulast，thatyouwouldlookaftertheneedsofthepoorfamilyaroundthecornerasfaithfullyasIhaddoneitmyself。Well，Ifoundoutbyaccidentthatyoufailedofyourpromise。Wasthatright？"
　　Insimpletruth，Ineverhadthoughtofthatfamilyasecondtime！Andnowsuchasplinteringpangofguiltshotthroughme！IglancedupatmyConscience。Plainly，myheavyheartwasaffectinghim。Hisbodywasdroopingforward；heseemedabouttofallfromthebookcase。Myauntcontinued：
　　"Andthinkhowyouhaveneglectedmypoorprotegeatthealmshouse，youdear，hard—heartedpromise—breaker！"Iblushedscarlet，andmytonguewastied。Asthesenseofmyguiltynegligencewaxedsharperandstronger，myConsciencebegantoswayheavilybackandforth；andwhenmyaunt，afteralittlepause，saidinagrievedtone，"Sinceyouneveroncewenttoseeher，maybeitwillnotdistressyounowtoknowthatthatpoorchilddied，monthsago，utterlyfriendlessandforsaken！"
　　MyConsciencecouldnolongerbearupundertheweightofmysufferings，buttumbledheadlongfromhishighperchandstruckthefloorwithadull，leadenthump。Helaytherewrithingwithpainandquakingwithapprehension，butstrainingeverymuscleinfranticeffortstogetup。
　　InafeverofexpectancyIsprangtothedoor，lockedit，placedmybackagainstit，andbentawatchfulgazeuponmystrugglingmaster。Alreadymyfingerswereitchingtobegintheirmurderouswork。
　　"Oh，whatcanbethematter！"exclaimedbyaunt，shrinkingfromme，andfollowingwithherfrightenedeyesthedirectionofmine。Mybreathwascominginshort，quickgaspsnow，andmyexcitementwasalmostuncontrollable。Myauntcriedout：
　　"Oh，donotlookso！Youappalme！Oh，whatcanthematterbe？Whatisityousee？Whydoyoustareso？Whydoyouworkyourfingerslikethat？"
　　"Peace，woman！"Isaid，inahoarsewhisper。"Lookelsewhere；paynoattentiontome；itisnothing——nothing。Iamoftenthisway。Itwillpassinamoment。Itcomesfromsmokingtoomuch。"
　　Myinjuredlordwasup，wild—eyedwithterror，andtryingtohobbletowardthedoor。Icouldhardlybreathe，Iwassowroughtup。Myauntwrungherhands，andsaid：
　　"Oh，Iknewhowitwouldbe；Iknewitwouldcometothisatlast！
　　Oh，Iimploreyoutocrushoutthatfatalhabitwhileitmayyetbetime！
　　Youmustnot，youshallnotbedeaftomysupplicationslonger！"
　　MystrugglingConscienceshowedsuddensignsofweariness！"Oh，promisemeyouwillthrowoffthishatefulslaveryoftobacco！"MyConsciencebegantoreeldrowsily，andgropewithhishands——enchantingspectacle！
　　"Ibegyou，Ibeseechyou，Iimploreyou！Yourreasonisdesertingyou！
　　Thereismadnessinyoureye！Itflameswithfrenzy！Oh，hearme，hearme，andbesaved！See，Ipleadwithyouonmyveryknees！"AsshesankbeforememyConsciencereeledagain，andthendroopedlanguidlytothefloor，blinkingtowardmealastsupplicationformercy，withheavyeyes。
　　"Oh，promise，oryouarelost！Promise，andberedeemed！Promise！
　　Promiseandlive！"Withalong—drawnsighmyconqueredConscienceclosedhiseyesandfellfastasleep！
　　WithanexultantshoutIsprangpastmyaunt，andinaninstantIhadmylifelongfoebythethroat。Aftersomanyyearsofwaitingandlonging，hewasmineatlast。Itorehimtoshredsandfragments。Irentthefragmentstobits。Icastthebleedingrubbishintothefire，anddrewintomynostrilsthegratefulincenseofmyburnt—offering。Atlast，andforever，myConsciencewasdead！
　　Iwasafreeman！Iturneduponmypooraunt，whowasalmostpetrifiedwithterror，andshouted：
　　"Outofthiswithyourpaupers，yourcharities，yourreforms，yourpestilentmorals！Youbeholdbeforeyouamanwhoselife—conflictisdone，whosesoulisatpeace；amanwhoseheartisdeadtosorrow，deadtosuffering，deadtoremorse；amanWITHOUTACONSCIENCE！InmyjoyI
　　spareyou，thoughIcouldthrottleyouandneverfeelapang！Fly！"
　　Shefled。Sincethatdaymylifeisallbliss。Bliss，unalloyedbliss。
　　Nothinginalltheworldcouldpersuademetohaveaconscienceagain。
　　Isettledallmyoldoutstandingscores，andbegantheworldanew。
　　Ikilledthirty—eightpersonsduringthefirsttwoweeks——allofthemonaccountofancientgrudges。Iburnedadwellingthatinterruptedmyview。Iswindledawidowandsomeorphansoutoftheirlastcow，whichisaverygoodone，thoughnotthoroughbred，Ibelieve。Ihavealsocommittedscoresofcrimes，ofvariouskinds，andhaveenjoyedmyworkexceedingly，whereasitwouldformerlyhavebrokenmyheartandturnedmyhairgray，Ihavenodoubt。
　　Inconclusion，Iwishtostate，bywayofadvertisement，thatmedicalcollegesdesiringassortedtrampsforscientificpurposes，eitherbythegross，bycordmeasurement，orperton，willdowelltoexaminethelotinmycellarbeforepurchasingelsewhere，asthesewereallselectedandpreparedbymyself，andcanbehadatalowrate，becauseIwishtoclear，outmystockandgetreadyforthespringtrade。