SCENE:Onesideofasleeping—carontheBostonandAlbanyRoad。
　　Thecurtainsaredrawnbeforemostoftheberths；fromthehooksandrodshanghats，bonnets，bags，bandboxes，umbrellas，andothertravellinggear；onthefloorarebootsofbothsexes，setoutforTHEPORTERtoblack。THEPORTERismakingupthebedsintheupperandlowerberthsadjoiningtheseatsonwhichayoungmother，slenderandpretty，withababyasleepontheseatbesideher，andastoutoldlady，sitconfrontingeachother——MRS。AGNESROBERTSandherauntMARY。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Doyoualwaystakedownyourbackhair，aunty？
　　AUNTMARY。No，never，child；atleastnotsinceIhadsuchafrightaboutitonce，comingonfromNewYork。It’sallwellenoughtotakedownyourbackhairifitISyours；butifitisn’t，yourhead’sthebestplaceforit。Now，asIbuymineofMadamePierrot—
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Don’tyouWISHshewouldn’tadvertiseitasHUMAN
　　hair？Itsoundssopokerish——likehumanflesh，youknow。
　　AUNTMARY。Why，shecouldn’tcallitINhumanhair，mydear。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（thoughtfully）。No——justHAIR。
　　AUNTMARY。Thenpeoplemightthinkitwasformattresses。But，asI
　　wassaying，Itookitoffthatnight，andtuckeditsafelyaway，asI
　　supposed，inmypocket，andIsleptsweetlytillaboutmidnight，whenIhappenedtoopenmyeyes，andsawsomethinglongandblackcrawloffmybedandslipundertheberth。SUCHashriekasIgave，mydear！"Asnake！asnake！oh，asnake！"Andeverybodybegantalkingatonce，andsomeofthegentlemenswearing，andtheportercamerunningwiththepokertokillit；andallthewhileitwasthatridiculousswitchofmine，thathadworkedoutofmypocket。AndgladenoughIwastograbitupbeforeanybodysawit，andsayImusthavebeendreaming。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Why，aunty，howfunny！HowCOULDyousupposeaserpentcouldgetonboardasleeping—car，ofallplacesintheworld！
　　AUNTMARY。Thatwastheperfectabsurdityofit。
　　THEPORTER。Berthsreadynow，ladies。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（toTHEPORTER，whowalksawaytotheendofthecar，andsitsdownnearthedoor）。Oh，thankyou。Aunty，doyoufeelnervoustheleastbit？
　　AUNTMARY。Nervous？No。Why？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Well，Idon’tknow。IsupposeI’vebeenworkedupalittleaboutmeetingWillis，andwonderinghowhe’lllook，andall。
　　Wecan’tKNOWeachother，ofcourse。Itdoesn’tstandtoreasonthatifhe’sbeenouttherefortwelveyears，eversinceIwasachild，thoughwe’vecorrespondedregularly——atleast_I_have——thathecouldrecognizeme；notatthefirstglance，youknow。He’llhaveafullbeard；andthenI’vegotmarried，andhere’sthebaby。Oh，NO！he’llneverguesswhoitisintheworld。Photographsreallyamounttonothinginsuchacase。Iwishwewereathome，anditwasallover。
　　Iwishhehadwrittensomeparticulars，insteadoftelegraphingfromOgden，"Bewithyouonthe7A。M。，Wednesday。"
　　AUNTMARY。Californiansalwaystelegraph，mydear；theyneverthinkofwriting。Itisn’texpensiveenough，anditdoesn’tmakeyourbloodruncoldenoughtogetaletter，andsotheysendyouoneofthosemiserableyellowdespatcheswhenevertheycan——thoseprintedinalongstring，ifpossible，sothatyou’llbeSUREtodiebeforeyougettotheendofit。Isupposeyourbrotherhasfallenintoallthoseways，andsays"reckon"and"ornary"and"whichthesame，"justlikeoneofMr。BretHarte’scharacters。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Butitisn’texactlyournotknowingeachother，aunty，that’sworryingme；that’ssomethingthatcouldbegotoverintime。WhatissimplydrivingmedistractedisWillisandEdwardmeetingtherewhenI’mawayfromhome。Oh，howCOULDIbeaway！andwhyCOULDN’TWillishavegivenusfairwarning？Iwouldhavehurriedfromtheendsoftheearthtomeethim。Idon’tbelievepoorEdwardeversawaCalifornian；andhe’ssoquietandpreoccupied，I’msurehe’dnevergetonwithWillis。AndifWillisistheleastloud，hewouldn’tlikeEdward。NotthatIsupposeheISloud；butIdon’tbelieveheknowsanythingaboutliterarymen。Butyoucansee，aunty，can’tyou，howveryanxiousImustbe？Don’tyouseethatI
　　oughttohavebeentherewhenWillisandEdwardmet，soasto——to——
　　well，toBREAKthemtoeachother，don’tyouknow？
　　AUNTMARY。Oh，youneedn’tbetroubledaboutthat，Agnes。Idaresaythey’vegotonperfectlywelltogether。Verylikelythey’resittingdowntotheunwholesomesthotsupperthisinstantthattheingenuityofmancouldinvent。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，doyouTHINKtheyare，aunty？Oh，ifIcouldONLY
　　believetheyweresittingdowntoahotsuppertogethernow，IshouldbeSOhappy！They’dbesuretogetoniftheywere。There’snothinglikeeatingtomakemenfriendlywitheachother。Don’tyouknow，atreceptions，howtheyneverhaveanythingtosaytoeachothertilltheescallopedoystersandthechickensaladappear；andthenhowsweettheyareassoonasthey’vehelpedtheladiestoice？Oh，thankyou，THANKyou，aunty，forthinkingofthehotsupper。It’ssucharelieftomymind！Youcanunderstand，can’tyou，auntydear，howanxiousImusthavebeentohavemyonlybrotherandmyonly——myhusband——getonnicelytogether？Mylifewouldbeawreck，simplyawreck，iftheydidn’t。AndWillisandInothavingseeneachothersinceIwasachildmakesitalltheworse。IdoHOPEthey’resittingdowntoahotsupper。
　　ANANGRYVOICEfromthenextberthbutone。Iwishpeopleinsleeping—cars—
　　AVOICEfromtheberthbeyondthat。You’remistakeninyourpremises，sir。Thisisawaking—car。Ladies，goon，andobligeaneagerlistener。
　　[Sensation，andsmotheredlaughterfromtheotherberths。]
　　MRS。ROBERTS（afteraspaceofterrifiedsilence，inaloudwhispertoherAUNT。）Whathorridthings！Butnowwereallymustgotobed。
　　ItWAStoobadtokeeptalking。I’dnoideamyvoicewasgettingsoloud。Whichberthwillyouhave，aunty？I’dbettertaketheupperone，because—
　　AUNTMARY（whispering）。No，no；Imusttakethat，sothatyoucanbewiththebabybelow。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，howgoodyouare，AuntMary！It’stoobad；itisreally。Ican’tletyou。
　　AUNTMARY。Well，then，youmust；that’sall。Youknowhowthatchildtossesandkicksaboutinthenight。Younevercantellwherehishead’sgoingtobeinthemorning，butyou’llprobablyfinditatthefootofthebed。Icouldn’tsleepaninstant，mydear，ifI
　　thoughtthatboywasintheupperberth；forI’dbesureofhistumblingoutoveryou。Here，letmelayhimdown。[Shelaysthebabyinthelowerberth。]There！Nowgetin，Agnes——do，andleavemetomystrugglewiththeattractionofgravitation。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，POORaunty，howwillyouevermanageit？IMUST
　　helpyouup。
　　AUNTMARY。No，mydear；don’tbefoolish。Butyoumaygoandcalltheporter，ifyoulike。Idaresayhe’susedtoit。
　　[MRS。ROBERTSgoesandspeaktimidlytoTHEPORTER，whofailsatfirsttounderstand，thensmilesbroadly，acceptsaquarterwithaduckofhishead，andcomesforwardtoAUNTMARY’Sside。]
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Hadhebettergiveyouhishandtorestyourfootin，whileyouspringupasifyouweremountinghorseback？
　　AUNTMARY（withdisdain）。SPRING！Mydear，Ihaven’tsprungforaquarterofacentury。Ishallrequireeveryfibreintheman’sbody。
　　Hishand，indeed！Yougetinfirst，Agnes。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Iwill，auntydear；but—
　　AUNTMARY（sternly）。Agnes，doasIsay。[MRS。ROBERTScrouchesdownonthelowerberth。]Idon’tchoosethatanymemberofmyfamilyshallwitnessmycontortions。Don’tyoulook。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。No，no，aunty。
　　AUNTMARY。Now，porter，areyoustrong？
　　PORTER。IusedtobeporterataSaratogahotel，andcarriedupdeladies’trunksdere。
　　AUNTMARY。Thenyou’lldo，Ithink。Now，then，yourknee；nowyourback。There！Andveryhandsomelydone。Thanks。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Areyoureallyin，AuntMary？
　　AUNTMARY（dryly）。Yes。Good—night。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Good—night，aunty。[Afterapauseofsomeminutes。]
　　Aunty！
　　AUNTMARY。Well，what？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Doyouthinkit’sperfectlysafe？
　　[Sherisesinherberth，andlooksupovertheedgeoftheupper。]
　　AUNTMARY。Isupposeso。It’sawell—managedroad。They’vegottheair—brake，I’veheard，andtheMillerplatform，andallthosehorridthings。Whatmakesyouintroducesuchunpleasantsubjects？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，Idon’tmeanaccidents。But，youknow，whenyouturn，itdoescreaksoawfully。Ishouldn’tmindmyself；butthebaby—
　　AUNTMARY。Why，child，doyouthinkI’mgoingtobreakthrough？I
　　couldn’t。I’moneoftheLIGHTESTsleepersintheworld。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Yes，Iknowyou’realightsleeper；but——butitdoesn’tseemquitethesamething，somehow。
　　AUNTMARY。Butitis；it’squitethesamething，andyoucanbeperfectlyeasyinyourmind，mydear。Ishouldbequiteaslothtobreakthroughasyouwouldtohaveme。Good—night。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Yes；good—night，Aunty！
　　AUNTMARY。Well？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Yououghttojustseehim，howhe’slying。He’saperfectlog。COULDN’Tyoujustbendover，andpeepdownathimamoment？
　　AUNTMARY。Bendover！Itwouldbethedeathofme。Good—night。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Good—night。Didyouputtheglassintomybagoryours？Ifeelsoverythirsty，andIwanttogoandgetsomewater。
　　I’msureIdon’tknowwhyIshouldbethirsty。Areyou，AuntMary？
　　Ah！hereitis。Don’tdisturbyourself，aunty；I’vefoundit。Itwasinmybag，justwhereI’dputitmyself。ButallthistroubleaboutWillishasmademesofidgetythatIdon’tknowwhereanythingis。AndnowIdon’tknowhowtomanageaboutthebabywhileIgoafterthewater。He’ssleepingsoundlyenoughnow；butifheshouldhappentogetintooneofhisrollingmoods，hemighttumbleoutontothefloor。Nevermind，aunty，I’vethoughtofsomething。I’lljustbarricadehimwiththesebagsandshawls。Now，oldfellow，rollasmuchasyoulike。Ifyoushouldhappentohearhimstir，aunty，won’tyou——aunty！Oh，dear！she’sasleepalready；andwhatshallI
　　do？[WhileMRS。ROBERTScontinuestalking，variousnotesofprotest，profaneandotherwise，makethemselvesheardfromdifferentberths。]
　　Iknow。I’llmakeabolddashforthewater，andbebackinaninstant，baby。Now，don’tyoumove，youlittlerogue。[Sherunstothewater—tankattheendofthecar，andthenbacktoherberth。]
　　Now，baby，here’smammaagain。Areyouallright，mamma’sown？
　　[Ashaggyheadandbeardedfacearethrustfromthecurtainsofthenextberth。]
　　THESTRANGER。Lookhere，ma’am。Idon’twanttobedisagreeableaboutthisthing，andIhopeyouwon’ttakeanyoffence；butthefactis，I’mhalfdeadforwantofsleep，andifyou’llonlykeepquietnowalittlewhile，I’llpromisenottospeakabovemybreathifeverIfindyouonasleeping—carafteryou’vecomestraightthroughfromSanFrancisco，dayandnight，andnotbeenabletogetmorethanaboutaquarterofyourusualallowanceofrest——Iwillindeed。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。I’mverysorrythatI’vedisturbedyou，andI’lltrytobemorequiet。Ididn’tsupposeIwasspeakingsoloud；butthecarskeepupsucharattlingthatyounevercantellhowloudyouARE
　　speaking。DidIunderstandyoutosaythatyouwerefromCalifornia？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Yes，ma’am。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。SanFrancisco？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Yes，ma’am。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Thanks。It’saterriblylongjourney，isn’tit？I
　　knowquitehowtofeelforyou。I’veabrothermyselfcomingon。Infactweexpectedhimbeforethis。[Shescanshisfaceassharplyasthelamp—lightwillallow，andcontinues，afterabriefhesitation。]
　　It’salwayssuchasillyquestiontoaskaperson，andIsupposeSanFranciscoisalargeplace，withagreatmanypeoplealwayscomingandgoing，sothatitwouldbeonlyonechanceinathousandifyoudid。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（patiently）。Didwhat，ma’am？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，Iwasjustwonderingifitwaspossible——butofcourseitisn’t，andit’sveryflattoask——thatyou’deverhappenedtomeetmybrotherthere。HisnameisWillisCampbell。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（withmoreinterest）。Campbell？Campbell？Yes，I
　　knowamanofthatname。ButIdisrememberhisfirstname。Littlelowfellow——prettychunky？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Idon’tknow。Doyoumeanshortandstout？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Yes，ma’am。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。I’msureIcan’ttell。It’sagreatmanyyearssincehewentoutthere，andI’veneverseenhiminallthattime。I
　　thoughtifyouDIDhappentoknowhim——He’salawyer。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。It’squitelikelyIknowhim；andinthemorning，ma’am—
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，excuseme。I’mverysorrytohavekeptyousolongawakewithmysillyquestions。
　　THEMANINTHEUPPERBERTH。Don’tapologize，madam。I’mnotaCalifornianmyself，butI’manorphan，andawayfromhome，andI
　　thankyou，onbehalfofallourfellow—passengers，forthementalrefreshmentthatyourconversationhasaffordedus。_I_couldliehereandlistentoitallnight；butthereareinvalidsinsomeoftheseberths，andperhapsontheiraccountitwillbeaswelltodefereverythingtillthemorning，asourfriendsuggests。Allowmetowishyoupleasantdreams，madam。
　　[THECALIFORNIAN，whileMRS。ROBERTSshrinksbackunderthecurtainofherberthindismay，andstammerssomeinaudibleexcuse，slowlyemergesfulllengthfromhisberth。]
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Don’tyoumindme，ma’am；I’vegoteverythingbutmybootsandcoaton。Now，then[standingbesidetheberth，andlookinginuponthemanintheuppertier]，you，doyouknowthatthisisaladyyou’retalkingto？
　　THEUPPERBERTH。ByyourvoiceandyourshaggypersonalappearanceI
　　shouldn’thavetakenyouforalady——no，sir。Butthelightisveryimperfect；youmaybeabeardedlady。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Younevermindaboutmylooks。Thequestionis，Doyouwantyourheadrappedupagainstthesideofthiscar？
　　THEUPPERBERTH。WithallthefranknessofyourownPacificslope，no。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（hastilyreappearing）。Oh，no，no，don’thurthim。
　　He’snottoblame。Iwaswrongtokeepontalking。Oh，pleasedon’thurthim！
　　THECALIFORNIAN（toTHEUPPERBERTH）。Youhear？Well，now，don’tyouspeakanotherwordtothatladytonight。Justgoon，ma’am，andfreeyourmindonanylittlematteryoulike。Idon’twantanysleep。HowlonghasyourbrotherbeeninCalifornia？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，don’tlet’stalkaboutitnow；Idon’twanttotalkaboutit。Ithought——Ithought——Good—night。Oh，dear！I
　　didn’tsupposeIwasmakingsomuchtrouble。Ididn’tmeantodisturbanybody。I—
　　[MRS。ROBERTSgiveswaytotheexcessofherconfusionandmortificationinalittlesob，andthenhideshergriefbehindthecurtainsofherberth。THECALIFORNIANslowlyemergesagainfromhiscouch，andstandsbesideit，lookinginuponthemanintheberthabove。]
　　THECALIFORNIAN。ForhalfacentIWOULDrapyourheadupagainstthatwall。Makingtheladycry，andgettingmesomadIcan’tsleep！
　　Nowseehere，youjustapologize。Youbegthatlady’spardon，orI’llhaveyououtoftherebeforeyouknowyourself。[Criesof"Good！""That’sright！"and"Makehimshowhimself！"hailMRS。
　　ROBERTS’Schampion，andheads，moreorlessdishevelled，arethrustfromeveryberth。MRS。ROBERTSremainsinvisibleandsilent，andtheloudandsomewhatcomplicatedrespirationofherAUNTmakesitselfheardinthegeneralhushofexpectancy。Aremarktotheeffectthat"Theoldladyseemstoenjoyherrest"achievesafacileapplause。
　　THECALIFORNIANagainaddressestheculprit。]Come，now，whatdoyousay？I’llgiveyoujustone—halfaminute。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（fromhershelter）。Oh，please，PLEASEdon’tmakehimsayanything。Itwasverytryinginmetokeephimawake，andIknowhedidn’tmeananyoffence。Oh，DOlethimbe！
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Youhearthat？Youstayquiettherestofthetime；andifthatladychosestokeepusallawakethewholenight，don’tYOUsayaword，orI’llsettlewithyouinthemorning。
　　[Loudandcontinuedapplause，amidstwhichTHECALIFORNIANturnsfromthemanintheberthbeforehim，andrestoresorderbymarchingalongtheaisleofthecarinhisstockingfeet。Theheadsvanishbehindthecurtains。Asthelaughtersubsides，hereturnstohisberth，andafterastareupanddownthetranquillizedcar，heisabouttoretire。]
　　AVOICE。Oh，don’tjustbow。Speak！
　　[Afreshburstoflaughtergreetsthissally。THECALIFORNIANerectshimselfagainwithanairofbaitedwrath，andthensuddenlybreaksintoahelplesslaugh。]
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Gentlemen，you’retoomanyforME。
　　[Hegetsintohisberth，andaftercriesof"GoodforCalifornia！"
　　"You’reallright，WilliamNye！"and"You’reseveralaheadyet！"theoccupantsofthedifferentberthsgraduallyrelapseintosilence，andatlast，asthecarlungesonwardthroughthedarkness，nothingisheardbuttherhythmicalclankofthemachinery，withnowandthenaburstofaudibleslumberfromMRS。ROBERTS’SauntMARY。]
　　II。
　　AtWorcester，wherethetrainhasmadetheusualstop，THEPORTER，withhislanternonhisarm，entersthecar，precedingagentlemansomewhatanxiouslysmiling；hisnervousspeechcontrastspainfullywiththebusiness—likeimpassivenessofTHEPORTER，whorefuses，withanairofincredulity，toenterintotheconfidenceswhichthegentlemanseemsreluctanttobestow。
　　MR。EDWARDROBERTS。ThisistheGovernorMarcy，isn’tit？
　　THEPORTER。Yes，sah。
　　MR。ROBERTS。CameonfromAlbany，andnotfromNewYork？
　　THEPORTER。Yes，sah，itdid。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Ah！itmustbeallright。I—
　　THEPORTER。Wasyourwifeexpectingyoutocomeonboardhere？
　　MR。ROBERTS。Well，no，notexactly。ShewasexpectingmetomeetheratBoston。ButI——[strugglingtogivethesituationdignity，butfailing，andthrowinghimself，withself—convictedsilliness，uponTHEPORTER’Smercy。]Thefactis，IthoughtIwouldsurpriseherbyjoiningherhere。
　　THEPORTER（refusingtohaveanymercy）。Oh！Howdidyouexpecttofindher？
　　MR。ROBERTS。Well——well——Idon’tknow。Ididn’tconsider。[Helooksdowntheaisleindespairattheclose—drawncurtainsoftheberths，andupatthedanglinghatsandbagsandbonnets，anddownatthechaosofbootsofbothsexesonthefloor。]Idon’tknowHOWI
　　expectedtofindher。
　　[MR。ROBERTS’Scountenancefalls，andhevisiblysinkssolowinhisownesteemandanimaginarypublicopinionthatTHEPORTERbeginstohavealittlecompassion。]
　　THEPORTER。Dey’ssomanyladiesonboard_I_couldn’tfindher。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Oh，no，no，ofcoursenot。Ididn’texpectthat。
　　THEPORTER。Don’tliketogorouting’emallup，youknow。I
　　wouldn’tbeallowedto。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Idon’taskit；thatwouldbepreposterous。
　　THEPORTER。Whatsortoflookingladywasshe？
　　MR。ROBERTS。Well，Idon’tknow，really。Notverytall，ratherslight，blueeyes。I——Idon’tknowwhatyou’dcallhernose。And——
　　stop！Ohyes，shehadachildwithher，alittleboy。Yes！
　　THEPORTER（thoughtfullylookingdowntheaisle）。Deywasthreeladieshadchildren。Ididn’tnoticewhetherdeywasboysorgirls，orWHATdeywas。Didn’thaveanybodywithher？
　　MR。ROBERTS。No，no。Onlythechild。
　　THEPORTER。Well，Idon’tknowwhatyouaregoingtodo，sah。Itwon’tbeagreatwhilenowtillmorning，youknow。Herecomestheconductor。Maybehe’llknowwhattodo。
　　[MR。ROBERTSmakessomefutile，inarticulateattemptstopreventThePORTERfromlayingthecasebeforeTHECONDUCTOR，andthenstandsguiltilysmiling，overwhelmedwiththehopelessabsurdityofhisposition。]
　　THECONDUCTOR（enteringthecar，andstoppingbeforeTHEPORTER，andlookingatMR。ROBERTS）。Gentlemanwantaberth？
　　THEPORTER（grinning）。Well，no，sah。He’slookin’forhiswife。
　　THECONDUCTOR（withsuspicion）。Issheaboardthiscar？
　　MR。ROBERTS（strivingtopropitiateTHECONDUCTORbyadastardlyamiability）。Oh，yes，yes。There’snomistakeaboutthecar——theGovernorMarcy。ShetelegraphedthenamejustbeforeyouleftAlbany，sothatIcouldfindheratBostoninthemorning。Ah！
　　THECONDUCTOR。AtBoston。[Sternly。]ThenwhatareyoutryingtofindheratWorcesterinthemiddleofthenightfor？
　　MR。ROBERTS。Why——I——thatis—
　　THEPORTER（takingcompassiononMR。ROBERTS’Sinabilitytocontinue）。Sayshewantedtosurpriseher。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Ha——yes，exactly。Alittlecaprice，youknow。
　　THECONDUCTOR。Well，thatmayallbeso。[MR。ROBERTScontinuestosmileinagonizedhelplessnessagainstTHECONDUCTOR’Sinjurioustone，whichbecomesmoreandmoreoffensivelypatronizing。]But_I_
　　can’tdoanythingforyou。Hereareallthesepeopleasleepintheirberths，andIcan’tgoroundwakingthemupbecauseyouwanttosurpriseyourwife。
　　MR。ROBERTS。No，no；ofcoursenot。Ineverthought—
　　THECONDUCTOR。MyadvicetoYOUistohaveaberthmadeup，andgotobedtillwegettoBoston，andsurpriseyourwifebytellingherwhatyoutriedtodo。
　　MR。ROBERTS（unabletoresentthepatronageofthissuggestion）。
　　Well，Idon’tknowbutIwill。
　　THECONDUCTOR（goingout）。Theporterwillmakeuptheberthforyou。
　　MR。ROBERTS（toTHEPORTER，whoisabouttopulldowntheupperberthoveravacantseat）。Ah！Er——I——Idon’tthinkI’lltroubleyoutomakeitup；it’ssonearmorningnow。Justbringmeapillow，andI’lltrytogetanapwithoutlyingdown。
　　[Hetakesthevacantseat。]
　　THEPORTER。Allright，sah。
　　[Hegoestotheendofthecarandreturnswithapillow。]
　　MR。ROBERTS。Ah——porter！
　　THEPORTER。Yes，sah。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Ofcourseyoudidn’tnotice；butyoudon’tthinkyouDIDnoticewhowasinthatberthyonder？
　　[Heindicatesacertainberth。]
　　THEPORTER。Dat’sagen’lemanindatberth，Ithink，sah。
　　MR。ROBERTS（astutely）。There’sabonnethangingfromthehookatthetop。I’mnotsure，butitlookslikemywife’sbonnet。
　　THEPORTER（evidentlyshakenbythisreasoning，butrecoveringhisfirmness）。Yes，sah。Butyoucan’tdependupondeladiestohangdeirbonnetsonderighthook。Jes’likelyasnotdatlady’stookdehookatdefootofherberthinsteado’dehead。Sometimesdeytakesboth。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Ah！[Afterapause。]Porter！
　　THEPORTER。Yes，sah。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Youwouldn’tfeeljustifiedinlooking？
　　THEPORTER。Icouldn’t，sah；Icouldn’t，indeed。
　　MR。ROBERTS（reachinghislefthandtowardTHEPORTER’S，andpressingahalfdollarintohisinstantlyresponsivepalm）。Butthere’snothingtopreventMYlookingifIfeelperfectlysureofthebonnet？
　　THEPORTER。N—no，sah。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Allright。
　　[THEPORTERretirestotheendofthecar，andresumestheworkofpolishingthepassengers’boots。Afteranintervalofquiet，MR。
　　ROBERTSrises，and，lookingabouthimwithwhathefeelstobemelodramaticstealth，approachesthesuspectedberth。Heunloopsthecurtainwithatremblinghand，andpeersineffectuallyin；headvanceshisheadfurtherandfurtherintothedarkenedrecess，andthensuddenlydodgesbackagain，withTHECALIFORNIANhangingtohisneckclothwithonehand。]
　　THECALIFORNIAN（savagely）。Whatdoyouwant？
　　MR。ROBERTS（strugglingandbreathless）。I——I——Iwantmywife。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Wantyourwife！Have_I_gotyourwife？
　　MR。ROBERTS。No——ah——thatis——ah，excuseme——IthoughtyouWEREmywife。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（gettingoutoftheberth，butatthesametimekeepingholdofMR。ROBERTS）。ThoughtIwasyourWIFE！DoIlooklikeyourwife？Youcan’tplaythatonme，oldman。Porter！
　　conductor！
　　MR。ROBERTS（agonized）。Oh，Ibeseechyou，mydearsir，don’t——
　　don’t！Icanexplainit——Icanindeed。Iknowithasanuglylook；
　　butifyouwillallowmetwowords——onlytwowords—
　　MRS。ROBERTS（suddenlypartingthecurtainofherberth，andspringingoutintotheaisle，withherhairwildlydishevelled）。
　　Edward！
　　MR。ROBERTS。Oh，Agnes，explaintothisgentleman！[Imploringly。]
　　Don’tyouknowme？
　　AVOICE。Makehimshowyouthestrawberrymarkonhisleftarm。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Edward！Edward！[THECALIFORNIANmechanicallylooseshisgrip，andtheyflyintoeachother’sembrace。]Wheredidyoucomefrom？
　　AVOICE。Centredoor，lefthand，oneback。
　　THECONDUCTOR（returningwithhislantern）。Hallo！What’sthematterhere？
　　AVOICE。Trainrobbers！Throwupyourhands！Telltheexpress—
　　messengertobringhissafe。
　　[Thepassengersemergefromtheirberthsinvariousdeshabilleandbewilderment。]
　　THECONDUCTOR（toMR。ROBERTS）。Haveyoubeenmakingallthisrow，wakingupmypassengers？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。No，sir，hehasn’t。I’vebeenmakingthisrow。
　　Thisgentlemanwaspeaceablylookingforhiswife，andI
　　misunderstoodhim。Youwanttosayanythingtome？
　　THECONDUCTOR（silentlytakingTHECALIFORNIAN’Smeasurewithhiseye，ashestandssixfretinhisstockings）。IfIdid，I’dgetthebiggestbrakemanIcouldfindtodoitforme。I’VEgotnothingtosayexceptthatIthinkyou’dbetterallgobacktobedagain。
　　[Hegoesout，andthepassengersdisappearonebyone，leavingtheROBERTSESandTHECALIFORNIANalone。]
　　THECALIFORNIAN（toMR。ROBERTS）。Stranger，I’msorryIgotyouintothisscrape。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Oh，don’tspeakofit，mydearsir。I’msureweoweyouallsortsofapologies，whichIshallbemosthappytoofferyouatmyhouseinBoston，witheveryneedfulexplanation。[Hetakesouthiscard，andgivesittoTHECALIFORNIAN，wholooksatit，andthenlooksatMR。ROBERTScuriously。]There’smyaddress，andI’msureweshallbothbegladtohaveyoucall。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，yesindeed。[THECALIFORNIANpartsthecurtainsofhisberthtore—enterit。]Good—night，sir，andIassureyouWE
　　shalldonothingmoretodisturbyou——shallwe，Edward？
　　MR。ROBERTS。No。Andnow，dear，Ithinkyou’dbettergobacktoyourberth。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Icouldn’tsleep，andIshallnotgoback。Isthisyourplace？Iwilljustrestmyheadonyourshoulder；andwemustbothbeperfectlyquiet。You’venoideawhatanuisanceIhavebeenmakingofmyself。Thewholecarwasperfectlyfuriousatmeonetime，Ikepttalkingsoloud。Idon’tknowhowIcametodoit，butIsupposeitwasthinkingaboutyouandWillismeetingwithoutknowingeachothermademenervous，andIcouldn’tbestill。Iwokeeverybodyupwithmytalking，andsomeofthemwerequiteoutrageousintheirremarks；butIdidn’tblamethemtheleastbit，forIshouldhavebeenjustasbad。ThatCaliforniagentlemanwasperfectlysplendid，though。IcantellyouHEmadethemstop。Westruckupquiteafriendship。ItoldhimIhadabrothercomingonfromCalifornia，andhe’sgoingtotrytothinkwhetherheknowsWillis。
　　[Groansandinarticulateprotestsmakethemselvesheardfromdifferentberths。]Ideclare，I’vegottotalkingagain！There，now，ISHALLstop，andtheywon’thearanothersqueakfrommetherestofthenight。[Sheliftsherheadfromherhusband’sshoulder。]
　　Iwonderifbabywillrollout。HeDOESkickso！AndIjustsprangupandlefthimwhenIheardyourvoice，withoutputtinganythingtokeephimin。IMUSTgoandhavealookathim，orInevercansettledown。No，no，don’tyougo，Edward；you’llbepryingintoallthewrongberthsinthecar，youpoorthing！Youstayhere，andI’llbebackinhalfasecond。Iwonderwhichismyberth。Ah！that’sit；I
　　knowtheonenow。[Shemakesasuddendashataberth，andpullingopenthecurtainsisconfrontedbythebeardedvisageofTHE
　　CALIFORNIAN。]Ah！Ow！ow！Edward！Ah！I——Ibegyourpardon，sir；
　　excuseme；Ididn’tknowitwasyou。Icameformybaby。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（solemnly）。Ihaven’tgotanybaby，ma’am。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。No——no——Ithoughtyouweremybaby。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。PerhapsIam，ma’am；I’velostsomuchsleepI
　　couldcry，anyway。DoILOOKlikeyourbaby？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。No，no，youdon’t。[Indistressthatovercomeshermortification。]Oh，whereismybaby？Ilefthimalluncovered，andhe’lltakehisdeathofcold，evenifhedoesn’trollout。Oh，Edward，Edward，helpmetofindbaby！
　　MR。ROBERTS（bustlingaimlesslyabout）。Yes，yes；certainly，mydear。Butdon’tbealarmed；weshallfindhim。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（gettingoutinhisstockingfeet）。Weshallfindhim，ma’am，ifwehavetosearcheveryberthinthiscar。Don’tyoutakeon。Thatbaby’sgoingtobefoundifhe’saboardthetrain，now，youbet！[Helooksaboutandthentearsopenthecurtainsofaberthatrandom。]Thatyourbaby，ma’am？
　　MRS。ROBERTS（flyingupontheinfantthusexposed）。Oh，BABY，baby，baby！！IthoughtIhadlostyou。Um！um！um！
　　[Sheclaspshiminherarms，andcovershisfaceandneckwithkisses。]
　　THECALIFORNIAN（ashegetsbackintohisberth，sottovoce）。IwishIHADbeenherbaby。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（returningwithherhusbandtohisseat，andbringingthebabywithher）。There！Didyoueverseesuchasleeper，Edward？
　　[Inherecstasysheabandonsallcontrolofhervoice，andjoyfullyexclaims。]Hehassleptallthroughthisexcitement，withoutawink。
　　AsolemnVoicefromoneoftheberths。Ienvyhim。
　　[Alaughfollows，inwhichallthepassengersjoin。]
　　MRS。ROBERTS（inahoarsewhisper，breakingalittlewithlaughter）。
　　Oh，mygoodness！thereIwentagain。Buthowfunny！Iassureyou，Edward，thatiftheirremarkshadnotbeenaboutme，Icouldhavereallyquiteenjoyedsomeofthem。Iwishtherehadbeensomebodyheretotakethemdown。AndIhopeIshallseesomeofthespeakersinthemorningbefore——Edward，I’vegotanidea！
　　MR。ROBERTS（endeavoringtoteachhiswifebyexampletolowerhervoice，whichhasrisenagain）。What——whatisit，mydear？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Why，don’tyousee？Howperfectlyridiculousitwasofmenottothinkofitbefore！thoughIdidthinkofitonce，andhadn’tthecouragetoinsistuponit。Butofcourseitis；anditaccountsforhisbeingsopoliteandkindtomethroughall，andit’stheonlythingthatcan。Yes，yes，itmustbe。
　　MR。ROBERTS（mystified）。What？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Willis。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Who？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。ThisCalifornian。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Oh！
　　MRS。ROBERTS。NoSTRANGERcouldhavebeensopatientand——and——
　　attentive；andIknowthatherecognizedmefromthefirst，andhe’sjustkeptitupforajoke，soastosurpriseusandhaveagoodlaughatuswhenwegettoBoston。OfCOURSEit’sWillis。
　　MR。ROBERTS（doubtfully）。Doyouthinkso，mydear？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。IKNOWit。Didn’tyounoticehowhelookedatyourcard？AndIwantyoutogoatonceandspeaktohim，andturnthetablesonhim。
　　MR。ROBERTS。I——I’dratherNOT，mydear。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Why，Edward，whatcanyoumean？
　　MR。ROBERTS。He’sveryviolent。SupposeitSHOULDN’TbeWillis？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Nonsense！ItISWillis。Come，let’sbothgoandjusttaxhimwithit。Hecan’tdenyit，afterallhe’sdoneforme。[ShepullsherreluctanthusbandtowardTHECALIFORNIAN’Sberth，andtheyeachdrawacurtain。]Willis！
　　THECALIFORNIAN（withplaintiveendurance）。Well，ma’am？
　　MRS。ROBERTS（triumphantly）。There！Iknewitwasyouallalong。
　　Howcouldyouplaysuchajokeonme？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Ididn’tknowthere’dbeenanyjoke；butIsupposetheremusthavebeen，ifyousayso。WhoamInow，ma’am——yourhusband，oryourbaby，oryourhusband’swife，or—
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Howfunnyyouare！YouKNOWyou’reWillisCampbell，myonlybrother。NowDON’Ttrytokeepitupanylonger，Willis。
　　[Voicesfromvariousberths。"Giveusarest，Willis！""Joke’stoothin，Willis！""You’replayedout，Willis！""Ownup，oldfellow——
　　ownup！"
　　THECALIFORNIAN（issuingfromhisberth，andwalkingupanddowntheaisle，asbefore，tillquietisrestored）。Ihaven’tgotanysister，andmynameain’tWillis，anditain’tCampbell。I’mverysorry，becauseI’dliketoobligeyouanywayIcould。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（indeepmortification）。It’sIwhooughttoapologize，andIdomosthumbly。Idon’tknowwhattosay；butwhenIgottothinkingaboutit，andhowkindyouhadbeentome，andhowsweetyouhadbeenunderallmy——interruptions，Ifeltperfectlysurethatyoucouldn’tbeamerestranger，andthentheideastruckmethatyoumustbemybrotherindisguise；andIwassocertainofitthatI
　　couldn’thelpjustlettingyouknowthatwe’dfoundyouout，and—
　　MR。ROBERTS（offeringabelatedandfeeblemoralsupport）。Yes。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（promptlyturninguponhim）。AndYOUoughttohavekeptmefrommakingsuchasimpletonofmyself，Edward。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（soothingly）。Well，ma’am，thatain’talwayssoeasy。Amanmaymeanwell，andyetnotbeabletocarryouthisintentions。Butit’sallright。AndIreckonwe’dbettertrytoquietdownagain，andgetwhatrestwecan。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Why，yes，certainly；andIwilltry——oh，IwillTRY
　　nottodisturbyouagain。Andifthere’sanythingwecandoinreparationafterwereachBoston，weshallbesogladtodoit！
　　[Theybowthemselvesaway，andreturntotheirseat，whileTHE
　　CALIFORNIANre—entershisberth。]
　　III。
　　ThetrainstopsatFramingham，andTHEPORTERcomesinwithapassengerwhomheshowstotheseatoppositeMR。andMRS。ROBERTS。
　　THEPORTER。Youcansithere，sah。We’llbeininaboutanhournow。Hangupyourbagforyou，sah？
　　THEPASSENGER。No，leaveitontheseathere。
　　[THEPORTERgoesout，andtheROBERTSESmaintainadejectedsilence。
　　Thebottomofthebag，throwncarelesslyontheseat，istowardtheROBERTSES，whoregarditlistlessly。]
　　MRS。ROBERTS（suddenlyclutchingherhusband’sarm，andhissinginhisear）。See！[Shepointstothewhiteletteringonthebag，wherethename"WillisCampbell，SanFrancisco，"isdistinctlylegible。]
　　Butitcan’tbe；itmustbesomeotherCampbell。Ican’triskit。
　　MR。ROBERTS。Butthere’sthename。ItwouldbeverystrangeifthereweretwopeoplefromSanFranciscoofexactlythesamename。
　　_I_willspeak。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（aswildlyasonecaninwhisper）。No，no，Ican’tletyou。We’vemadeourselvesthelaughing—stockofthewholecaralreadywithourmistakes，andIcan’tgoon。Iwouldratherperishthanaskhim。Youdon’tsupposeitCOULDbe？No，itcouldn’t。
　　TheremaybetwentyWillisCampbellsinSanFrancisco，andthereprobablyare。Doyouthinkhelookslikeme！Hehasastraightnose；butyoucan’ttellanythingaboutthelowerpartofhisface，thebeardcoversitso；andIcan’tmakeoutthecolorofhiseyesbythislight。Butofcourseit’sallnonsense。StillifitSHOULDbe！
　　ItwouldbeverystupidofustorideallthewayfromFraminghamtoBostonwiththatnamestaringoneintheeyes。Iwishhewouldturnitaway。IfitreallyturnedouttoBEWillis，hewouldthinkwewereawfullystiffandcold。ButIcan’thelpit；ICAN’TgoattackingeverystrangerIsee，andaccusinghimofbeingmybrother。
　　No，no，Ican’t，andIWON’T，andthat’sallaboutit。[Sheleansforwardandaddressesthestrangerwithsuddensweetness。]Excuseme，sir，butIAMverymuchinterestedbythenameonyourbag。NotthatIthinkyouareevenacquaintedwithhim，andthereareprobablyagreatmanyofthemthere；butyourcomingfromthesamecityandallDOESseemalittlequeer，andIhopeyouwon’tthinkmeintrusiveinspeakingtoyou，becauseifyouSHOULDhappen，bythethousandthofachance，tobetherightone，IshouldbeSOhappy！
　　CAMPBELL。Therightwhat，madam？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。TherightWillisCampbell。
　　CAMPBELL。IhopeI’mnotthewrongone；thoughafteraweek’spullontherailroadit’sprettyhardforamantotellwhichWillisCampbellheis。MayIaskifyourWillisCampbellhadfriendsinBoston？
　　MRS。ROBERTS（eagerly）。Hehadasisterandabrother—in—lawandanephew。
　　CAMPBELL。NameofRoberts？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Everyone。
　　CAMPBELL。Thenyou’re—
　　MRS。ROBERTS（ecstatically）。Agnes！
　　CAMPBELL。Andhe’s—
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Mr。Roberts！
　　CAMPBELL。Andthebaby’s—
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Asleep！
　　CAMPBELL。Then_I_amtherightone。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，Willis！Willis！Willis！Tothinkofourmeetinginthisway！[Shekissesandembraceshim，whileMR。ROBERTSshakesoneofhishandswhichhefindsdisengaged。]HOWintheworlddidithappen？
　　CAMPBELL。Ah，Ifoundmyselfalittleaheadoftime，andIstoppedoffwithanoldfriendofmineatFramingham；Ididn’twanttodisappointyouwhenyoucametomeetthistrain，orgetyouuplastnightatmidnight。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。AndIwasinAlbany，andI’vebeenmovingheavenandearthtogethomebeforeyouarrived；andEdwardcameaboardatWorcestertosurpriseme，and——Oh，you’veneverseenthebaby！I’llrunrightandgethimthisinstant，justasheis，andbringhim。
　　Edward，youbeexplainingtoWillis——Oh，mygoodness！[Lookingwildlyabout。]Idon’tremembertheberth，andIshallbesuretowakeupthatpoorCaliforniagentlemanagain。WHATshallIdo？
　　CAMPBELL。WhatCaliforniagentleman？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，somebodywe’vebeenstirringupthewholeblessednight。FirstItookhimforbaby，andthenEdwardtookhimforme，andthenItookhimforbabyagain，andthenwebothtookhimforyou。
　　CAMPBELL。Didhelooklikeanyofus？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。LikeUS？He’seightfeettall，ifhe’saninch，inhisstockings——andhe’salwaysinthem——andhehasalongblackbeardandmustaches，andhe’sverylanky，andstoopsoveragooddeal；buthe’sjustaslovelyashecanbeandlive，andhe’sbeenaskindandpatientastwentyJobs。
　　CAMPBELL。Speaksinasortofsoft，slowgrind？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Yes。
　　CAMPBELL。Gentleanddeferentialtoladies？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Aspie。
　　CAMPBELL。It’sTomGoodall。I’llhavehimoutofthereinhalfasecond。Iwantyoutotakehimhomewithyou，Agnes。He’sthebestfellowintheworld。WHICHishisberth？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Don’taskme，Willis。Butifyou’dgoforbaby，you’llbesuretofindhim。
　　MR。ROBERTS（timidlyindicatingaberth）。Ithinkthat’stheone。
　　CAMPBELL（plungingatit，andpullingthecurtainsopen）。YouoldTomGoodall！
　　THECALIFORNIAN（appearing）。Iain’tanyTomGoodall。Myname’sAbramSawyer。
　　CAMPBELL（fallingback）。Well，sir，you’reright。I’mawfullysorrytodisturbyou；but，frommysister’sdescriptionhere，IfeltcertainyoumustbemyoldfriendTomGoodall。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Iain’tsurprisedatit。I’monlysurprisedI
　　AIN’TTomGoodall。I’vebeenababytwice，andI’vebeenaman’swifeonce，andonceI’vebeenalong—lostbrother。
　　CAMPBELL（laughing）。Oh，they’vefoundHIM。I’Mthelong—lostbrother。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（sleepily）。Hasshefoundtheotherone？
　　CAMPBELL。Yes；allright，Ibelieve。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。HasHEfoundwhatHEwanted？
　　CAMPBELL。Yes；we’realltogetherhere。[THECALIFORNIANmakesamovementtogetintobedagain。]Oh，don’t！You’dbettermakeanightofitnow。It’salmostmorninganyway。Wewantyoutogohomewithus，andMrs。Robertswillgiveyouabedatherhouse，andletyousleepaweek。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Well，Ireckonyou’reright，stranger。IseemtobeinthehandsofProvidenceto—nightanyhow。[Hepullsonhisbootsandcoat，andtakeshisseatbesideCAMPBELL。]Ireckonthereain’tanyuseinfightingagainstProvidence。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（briskly，asifshehadoftentrieditandfailed）。Oh，nottheleastintheworld。I’msureitwasallintended；andifyouhadturnedouttobeWillisatlast，IshouldbeCERTAINofit。Whatsurprisesmeisthatyoushouldn’tturnouttobeanybody，afterall。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Yes，itiskindofcurious。ButIcouldn’thelpit。Ididmybest。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，don’tspeakofit。WEaretheoneswhooughttoapologize。Butifyouonlyhadbeensomebody，itwouldhavebeensuchagoodjoke！Wecouldalwayshavehadsuchalaughoverit，don’tyousee？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Yes，ma’am，itwouldhavebeenfunny。ButIhopeyou’veenjoyeditasitis。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，verymuch，thankstoyou。OnlyIcan’tseemtogetreconciledtoyournotbeinganybody，afterall。YouMUSTatleastbesomeonewe’veheardabout，don’tyouthink？It’ssostrangethatyouandWillisneverevenmet。Don’tyouthinkyouhavesomeacquaintancesincommon？
　　CAMPBELL。Lookhere，Agnes，doyoualwaysshoutatthetopofyourvoiceinthiswaywhenyouconverseinasleeping—car？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。WasItalkingloudagain？Well，youcan’thelpitifyouwanttomakepeoplehearyou。
　　CAMPBELL。Buttheremustbealotofthemwhodon’twanttohearyou。Iwonderthatthepassengerswhoarenotblood—relationsdon’tthrowthingsatyou——bootsandhand—bagsandlanguage。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Why，that’swhatthey’veBEENdoing——language，atleast——andI’monlysurprisedthey’renotdoingitnow。
　　THECALIFORNIAN（rising）。They’dbetternot，ma’am。
　　[Hepatrolsthecarfromendtoend，andquellssomerisingmurmurs，haltingattherebelliousberthsashepasses。]
　　MRS。ROBERTS（enrapturedbyhiscompanionship）。Oh，heMUSTbesomeconnection。[Sheglancesthroughthewindow。]IdobelievethatwasNewton，orNewtonville，orWestNewton，orNewtonCentre。Imustrunandwakeupbaby，andgethimdressed。Ishan’twanttowaitaninstantafterwegetin。Why，we’reslowingup！Why，Idobelievewe’rethere！Edward，we’rethere！Onlyfancybeingtherealready！
　　MR。ROBERTS。Yes，mydear。Onlywe’renotquitethereyet。Hadn’twebettercallyourauntMary？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。I’dforgottenher。
　　CAMPBELL。IsAuntMarywithyou？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Tobesuresheis。Didn’tItellyou？Shecameonexpresslytomeetyou。
　　CAMPBELL（startingupimpetuously）。Whichberthisshein？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Rightoverbaby。
　　CAMPBELL。Andwhichberthisbabyin？
　　MRS。ROBERTS（distractedly）。Why，that’sjustwhatIcan’tTELL。Itwasbadenoughwhentheywereallfilledup，butnowsincethepeoplehavebeguntocomeoutofthem，andsomeofthemaremadeintoseatsIcan’ttell。
　　THECALIFORNIAN。I’lllookforyou，ma’am。Ishouldliketowakeupallthewrongpassengersonthiscar。I’dtakeapleasureinit。IfyoucouldmakesureofanyberththatAIN’Ttheone，I’llbeginonthat。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Ican’tevenbesureofthewrongone。No，no；youmustn’t——[THECALIFORNIANmovesaway，andpausesinfrontofoneoftheberths，lookingbackinquiringlyatMRS。ROBERTS。]Oh，don’taskME！_I_can’ttell。[ToCAMPBELL。]ISN’Theamusing？SolikeallthoseCaliforniansthatonereadsof——sochivalrousandSOhumorous！
　　AUNTMARY（thrustingherheadfromthecurtainsoftheberthbeforewhichTHECALIFORNIANisstanding）。Goalongwithyou！Whatdoyouwant？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。AuntMary。
　　AUNTMARY。Goaway。AuntMary，indeed！
　　MRS。ROBERTS（runningtowardher，followedbyCAMPBELLandMR。
　　ROBERTS）。Why，AuntMary，itISyou！Andhere’sWillis，andhere’sEdward。
　　AUNTMARY。Nonsense！Howdidtheygetaboard？
　　MRS。ROBERTS。EdwardcameonatWorcesterandWillisatFramingham，tosurpriseme。
　　AUNTMARY。Andaverysillyperformance。LetthemwaittillI’mdressed，andthenI’lltalktothem。Sendfortheporter。[Shewithdrawsherheadbehindthecurtain，andthenthrustsitoutagain。]Andwho，pray，mayTHISbe？
　　[SheindicatesTHECALIFORNIAN。]
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh，afriendofoursfromCalifornia，who’sbeensokindtousallnight，andwho’sgoinghomewithus。
　　AUNTMARY。Anotherridiculoussurprise，Isuppose。ButheshallnotsurpriseME。Youngman，isn’tyournameSawyer？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。Yes，ma’am。
　　AUNTMARY。Abram？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。AbramSawyer。You’rerightthere，ma’am。
　　MRS。ROBERTS。Oh！oh！Iknewit！Iknewthathemustbesomebodybelongingtous。Oh，thankyou，aunty，forthinking—
　　AUNTMARY。Don’tbeabsurd，Agnes。Thenyou’remy—
　　AVOICEfromoneoftheberths。Loststep—son。Found！foundatlast！
　　[THECALIFORNIANlooksvainlyroundinanendeavortoidentifythespeaker，andthenturnsagaintoAUNTMARY。]
　　AUNTMARY。Weren’tyourparentsfromBath？
　　THECALIFORNIAN（eagerly）。Bothof’em，ma’am——bothof’em。
　　THEVOICE。Omypropheticsoul，myuncle！
　　AUNTMARY。Thenyou’remyoldfriendKateHarris’sdaughter？
　　THECALIFORNIAN。ImightbeherSON，ma’am；butMYmother’snamewasSusanWakeman。
　　AUNTMARY（insharpdisgust）。Calltheporter，please。
　　[Shewithdrawsherheadandpullshercurtainstogether；therestlookblanklyatoneanother。]
　　CAMPBELL。Anotherfailure，andjustwhenwethoughtweweresureofyou。Idon’tknowwhatweshalldoaboutyou，Mr。Sawyer。
　　THEVOICE。Adopthim。
　　CAMPBELL。That’sagoodidea。Wewilladoptyou。Youshallbeouradoptive—
　　THEVOICE。Babyboy。
　　ANOTHERVOICE。Wife。
　　ATHIRDVOICE。Brother。
　　AFOURTHVOICE。Earlyfriend。
　　AFIFTHVOICE。KateHarris’sdaughter。
　　CAMPBELL（layinghishandonTHECALIFORNIAN’Sshoulder，andbreakingintoalaugh）。Don’tmindthem。Theydon’tmeananything。It’sjusttheirway。Youcomehomewithmysister，andspendChristmas，andletusdevotetherestofourlivestomakingyourdecliningyearshappy。
　　VOICES。"Goodforyou，Willis！""We’llallcome！""Noceremony！"
　　"Smallandearly！"
　　CAMPBELL（lookinground）。Weappeartohavefalleninwithapartyofdry—goodsdrummers。Itmakesagentlemanfeellikeanintruder。
　　[Thetrainstops；helooksoutofthewindow。]We’vearrived。Come，Agnes；come，Roberts；come，Mr。Sawyer——let’sbegoing。
　　[Theygatheruptheirseveralwrapsandbags，andmovewithgreatdignitytowardthedoor。]
　　AUNTMARY（puttingoutherhead）。Agnes！Ifyoumustforgetyouraunt，atleastrememberyourchild。
　　MRS。ROBERTS（runningbackinanagonyofremorse）。Oh，BABY，didI
　　forgetyou？
　　CAMPBELL。Oh，AUNTY，didsheforgetyou？[Herunsback，andextendshisarmstohisaunt。]Letmehelpyoudown，AuntMary。
　　AUNTMARY。Nonsense，Willis。Sendtheporter。
　　CAMPBELL（turningroundandconfrontingTHEPORTER）。Hewashereuponinstinct。Shallhefetchastep—ladder？
　　AUNTMARY。HEwillknowwhattodo。Goaway，Willis；goawaywiththatchild，Agnes。IfIshouldhappentofallonyou——[Theyretreat；
　　thecurtaindrops，andhervoiceisheardbehinditaddressingTHE
　　PORTER。]Givemeyourhand；nowyourback；nowyourknee。So！Andverywelldone。Thanks。