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第84章

  THEFANPointsdownwardsquickly。Youmust。
  BLOOMWithdesire,withreluctance。Icanmakeatrueblackknot。LearnedwhenIservedmytimeandworkedthemailorderlineforKellet’s。Experiencedhand。Everyknotsaysalot。Letme。Incourtesy。
  Ikneltoncebeforetoday。Ah!
  Bellaraiseshergownslightlyand,steadyingherpose,liftstotheedgeofachairaplumpbuskinedhoofandafullpastern,silksocked。
  Bloom,stiffleggedageing,bendsoverherhoofandwithgentlefingersdrawsoutandinherlaces。
  BLOOMMurmurslovingly。TobeashoefitterinMansfield’swasmylove’syoungdream,thedarlingjoysofsweetbuttonhooking,tolaceupcrisscrossedtokneelengththedressykidfootwearsatinlined,soincrediblysmall,ofClydeRoadladies。EventheirwaxmodelRaymondeIvisiteddailytoadmirehercobwebhoseandstickofrhubarbtoe,asworninParis。
  THEHOOFSmellmyhotgoathide。Feelmyroyalweight。
  BLOOMCrosslacing。Tootight?
  THEHOOFIfyoubungle,HandyAndy,I’llkickyourfootballforyou。
  BLOOMNottolacethewrongeyeletasIdidthenightofthebazaardance。Badluck。Nookinwrongtacheofher……personyoumentioned。Thatnightshemet……Now!
  Heknotsthelace。Bellaplacesherfootonthefloor。Bloomraiseshishead。Herheavyface,hereyesstrikehiminmid-brow。Hiseyesgrowdull,darkerandpouched,hisnosethickens。
  BLOOMMumbles。Awaitingyourfurtherorders,weremain,gentlemen。
  BELLOWithahardbasiliskstare,inabaritonevoice。Houndofdishonour!
  BLOOMInfatuated。Empress!
  BELLOHisheavycheekchopssagging。Adoreroftheadulterousrump!
  BLOOMPlaintively。Hugeness!
  BELLODungdevourer!
  BLOOMWithsinewssemiflexed。Magnificence。
  BELLODown!Hetapsherontheshoulderwithhisfan。Inclinefeetforward!Slideleftfootonepaceback。Youwillfall。Youarefalling。
  Onthehandsdown!
  BLOOMHereyesupturnedinthesignofadmiration,closing。
  Truffles!
  Withapiercingepilepticcryshesinksonallfours,grunting,snuffling,rootingathisfeet,thenlies,shammingdeadwitheyesshuttight,tremblingeyelids,boweduponthegroundintheattitudeofmostexcellentmaster。
  BELLOWithbobbedhairpurplegills,fatmoustacheringsroundhisshavenmouth,inmountaineer’sputtees,greensilverbuttonedcoat,sportskirtandalpinehatwithmoorcock’sfeather,hishandsstuckdeepinhisbreechespockets,placeshisheelonherneckandgrindsitin。
  Feelmyentireweight。Bow,bondslave,beforethethroneofyourdespot’sgloriousheels,soglisteningintheirprouderectness。
  BLOOMEnthralled,bleats。Ipromisenevertodisobey。
  BELLOLaughsloudly。Holysmoke!Youlittleknowwhat’sinstoreforyou。I’mthetartartosettleyourlittlelotandbreakyouin!
  I’llbetKentuckycocktailsallroundIshameitoutofyou,oldson。Cheekme,Idareyou。Ifyoudotrembleinanticipationofheeldisciplinetobeinflictedingymcostume。
  Bloomcreepsunderthesofaandpeersoutthroughthefringe。
  ZOEWideninghersliptoscreenher。She’snothere。
  BLOOMClosinghereyes。She’snothere。
  FLORRYHidingherwithhergown。Shedidn’tmeanit,MrBello。
  She’llbegood,sir。
  KITTYDon’tbetoohardonher,MrBello。Sureyouwon’t,ma’amsir。
  BELLOCoaxingly。Come,duckydear。Iwantawordwithyou,darling,justtoadministercorrection。Justalittlehearttohearttalk,sweety。Bloomputsouthertimidhead。There’sagoodgirlynow。
  Bellograbsherhairviolentlyanddragsherforward。Ionlywanttocorrectyouforyourowngoodonasoftsafespot。How’sthattenderbehind?O,eversogently,pet。Begintogetready。
  BLOOMFainting。Don’ttearmy。
  BELLOSavagely。Thenosering,thepliers,thebastinado,thehanginghook,theknoutI’llmakeyoukisswhiletheflutesplayliketheNubianslaveofold。You’reinforitthistime。I’llmakeyouremembermeforthebalanceofyournaturallife。Hisforeheadveinsswollen,hisfacecongested。IshallsitonyourottomansaddlebackeverymorningaftermythumpinggoodbreakfastofMatterson’sfathamrashersandabottleofGuinness’sporter。Hebelches。AndsuckmythumpinggoodStockExchangecigarwhileIreadtheLicensedVictualler’sGazette。VerypossiblyIshallhaveyouslaughteredandskeweredinmystablesandenjoyasliceOfyouwithcrispcracklingfromthebakingtinbastedandbakedlikesuckingpigwithriceandlemonorcurrantsauce。Itwillhurtyou。
  Hetwistsherarm。Bloomsqueaks,turningturtle。
  BLOOMDon’tbecruel,nurse!Don’t!
  BELLOTwisting。Another!
  BLOOMScreams。O,it’shellitself!Everynerveinmybodyacheslikemad!
  BELLOShouts。Good,bytherumpingjumpinggeneral!That’sthebestbitofnewsIheardthesesixweeks。Here,don’tkeepmewaiting,damnyou。Heslapsherface。
  BLOOMWhimpers。You’reafterhittingme。I’lltell……
  BELLOHoldhimdown,girls,tillIsquatonhim。
  ZOEYes。Walkonhim!Iwill。
  FLORRYIwill。Don’tbegreedy。
  KITTYNo,me。Lendhimtome。
  Thebrothelcook,MrsKeogh,wrinkled,greybearded,inagreasybib,men’sgreyandgreensocksandbrogues,flour-smeared,arollingpinstuckwithrawpastryinherbareredarmandhand,appearsatthedoor。
  MRSKEOCHFerociously。CanIhelp?TheyholdandpinionBloom。
  BELLOSquats,withagrunt,onBloom’supturnedface,puffingcigar-smoke,nursingafatleg。IseeKeatingClayiselectedchairmanoftheRichmondAsylumandbythebyGuinness’spreferencesharesareatsixteenthreequarters。
  CursemeforafoolthatIdidn’tbuythatlotCraigandGardnertoldmeabout。Justmyinfernalluck,curseit。AndthatGoddamnedoutsiderThrowawayattwentytoone。HequencheshiscigarangrilyonBloom’sear。
  Where’sthatGoddamnedcursedashtray?
  BLOOMGoaded,buttocksmothered。O!O!Monsters!Cruelone!
  BELLOAskforthateverytenminutes。Beg,prayforitasyouneverprayedbefore。Hethrustsoutafiggedfistandfoulcigar。Here,kissthat。Both。Kiss。Hethrowsalegastrideand,pressingwithhorseman’sknees,callsinahardvoice。Geeup!AcockhorsetoBanburycross。
  I’llridehimfortheEclipsestakes。Hebendssidewaysandsqueezeshismount’stesticlesroughly,shouting。Ho!offwepop!I’llnurseyouinproperfashion。Hehorseridescockhorse,leapinginthesaddle。
  Theladygoesapaceapaceandthecoachmangoesatrotatrotandthegentlemangoesagallopagallopagallopagallop。
  FLORRYPullsatBello。Letmeonhimnow。Youhadenough。I
  askedbeforeyou。
  ZOEPullingatFlorry。Me。Me。Areyounotfinishedwithhimyet,suckeress?
  BLOOMStifling。Can’t。
  BELLOWell,I’mnot。Wait。Heholdsinhisbreath。Curseit。
  Here。Thisbung’saboutburst。Heuncorkshimselfbehind:then,contortinghisfeatures,fartsloudly。Takethat!Herecorkshimself
  Yes,byJingo,sixteenthreequarters。
  BLOOMAsweatbreakingoutoverhim。Notman。Hesniffs。
  Woman。
  BELLOStandsup。Nomoreblowhotandcold。Whatyoulongedforhascometopass。Henceforthyouareunmannedandmineinearnest,athingundertheyoke。Nowforyourpunishmentfrock。Youwillshedyourmalegarments,youunderstand,RubyCohen?anddontheshotsilkluxuriouslyrustlingoverheadandshouldersandquicklytoo。
  BLOOMShrinks。Silk,mistresssaid!Ocrinkly!scrapy!MustItip-touchitwithmynails?
  BELLOPointstohiswhores。Astheyarenow,sowillyoube,wigged,singed,perfumesprayed,ricepowdered,withsmoothshavenarmpits。
  Tapemeasurementswillbetakennextyourskin。Youwillbelacedwithcruelforceintovicelikecorsetsofsoftdovecoutille,withwhalebonebusk,tothediamondtrimmedpelvis,theabsoluteoutsideedge,whileyourfigure,plumperthanwhenatlarge,willberestrainedinnettightfrocks,prettytwoouncepetticoatsandfringesandthingsstamped,ofcourse,withmyhouseflag,creationsoflovelylingerieforAliceandnicescentforAlice。Alicewillfeelthepullpull。MarthaandMarywillbealittlechillyatfirstinsuchdelicatethighcasingbutthefrillyflimsinessoflaceroundyourbarekneeswillremindyou……
  BLOOMAchafingsoubrettewithdaubycheeks,mustardhairandlacemalehandsandnose,leeringmouth。Itriedherthingsononlyonce,asmallprank,inHollesstreet。WhenwewerehardupIwashedthemtosavethelaundrybill。MyownshirtsIturned。Itwasthepurestthrift。
  BELLOJeers。Littlejobsthatmakemotherpleased,eh!andshowedoffcoquettishlyinyourdominoatthemirrorbehindclose-drawnblindsyourunskirtedthighsandhegoat’sudders,invariousposesofsurrender,eh?Ho!Ho!Ihavetolaugh!ThatsecondhandblackoperatopshiftandshorttrunklegnaughtiesallsplitupthestitchesatherlastrapethatMrsMiriamDandradesoldyoufromtheShelbourneHotel,eh?
  BLOOMMiriam,Black。Demimondaine。
  BELLOGuffaws。ChristAlmighty,it’stootickling,this!YouwereanicelookingMiriamwhenyouclippedoffyourbackgatehairsandlayswooninginthethingacrossthebedasMrsDandrade,abouttobeviolatedbyLieutenantSmytheSmythe,MrPhilipAugustusBlockwell,M。P。,SignorLaciDaremo,therobusttenor,blueeyedBert,theliftboy,HenryFleuryofGordonBennettfame,Sheridan,thequadroonCr&;Aelig;sus,thevarsitywetbobeightfromoldTrinity,Ponto,hersplendidNewfoundlandandBobs,dowagerduchessofManorhamilton。Heguffawsagain。Christ,wouldn’titmakeaSiamesecatlaugh?
  BLOOMHerhandsandfeaturesworking。ItwasGeraldconvertedmetobeatruecorsetloverwhenIwasfemaleimpersonatorintheHighSchoolplayViceVersa。ItwasdearGerald。Hegotthatkink,fascinatedbysister’sstays。NowdearestGeraldusespinkygreasepaintandgildshiseyelids。Cultofthebeautiful。
  BELLOWithwickedglee。Beautiful!Giveusabreather!Whenyoutookyourseatwithwomanishcare,liftingyourbillowyflounces,onthesmoothwornthrone。
  BLOOMScience。Tocomparethevariousjoysweeachenjoy。Earnestly。
  Andreallyit’sbettertheposition……becauseoftenIusedtowet。
  BELLOSternly。Noinsubordination。Thesawdustisthereinthecornerforyou。Igaveyoustrictinstructions,didn’tI?Doitstanding,sir!I’llteachyoutobehavelikeajinkleman!IfIcatchatraceonyourswaddles。Aha!BytheassoftheDoransyou’llfindI’mamartinet。Thesinsofyourpastarerisingagainstyou。Many。Hundreds。
  THESINSOFTHEPASTInamedleyofvoices。HewentthroughaformofclandestinemarriagewithatleastonewomanintheshadowoftheBlackChurch。UnspeakablemessageshetelephonedmentallytoMissDunnatanaddressind’OlierStreetwhilehepresentedhimselfindecentlytotheinstrumentinthecallbox。Bywordanddeedheencouragedanocturnalstrumpettodepositfecalandothermatterinanunsanitaryouthouseattachedtoemptypremises。Infivepublicconvenienceshewrotepencilledmessagesofferinghisnuptialpartnertoallstrongmemberedmales。Andbytheoffensivelysmellingvitriolworksdidhenotpassnightafternightbylovingcourtingcouplestoseeifandwhatandhowmuchhecouldsee?Didhenotlieinbed,thegrossboar,gloatingoveranauseousfragmentofwellusedtoiletpaperpresentedtohimbyanastyharlot,stimulatedbygingerbreadandapostalorder?
  BELLOWhistlesloudly。Say!Whatwasthemostrevoltingpieceofobscenityinallyourcareerofcrime?Gothewholehog。Pukeitout。
  Becandidforonce。
  Muteinhumanfacesthrongforward,leering,vanishing,gibbering,Eooloohoom。PoldyHock,Bootlacesapenny,cassidy’shag,blindstripling,LarryRhinoceros,thegirl,thewoman,thewhore,theotherthe