ANOLDRESIDENTYou’reacredittoyourcountry，sir，that’swhatyouare。
　　ANAPPLEWOMANHe’samanlikeIrelandwants。
　　BLOOMMybelovedsubjects，aneweraisabouttodawn。I，Bloom，tellyouverilyitisevennowathand。Yea，onthewordofaBloom，yeshallerelongenterintothegoldencitywhichistobe，thenewBloomusalemintheNovaHiberniaofthefuture。
　　Thirtytwoworkmenwearingrosettes，fromallthecountiesofIreland，undertheguidanceofDerwanthebuilderconstructthenewBloomusalem。
　　Itisacolossaledifice，withcrystalroofbuiltintheshapeofahugeporkkidney，containingfortythousandrooms。Inthecourseofitsextensionseveralbuildingsandmonumentsaredemolished。Governmentofficesaretemporarilytransferredtorailwaysheds。Numeroushousesarerazedtotheground。Theinhabitantsarelodgedinbarrelsandboxes，allmarkedinredwiththeletters：L。B。Severalpaupersfallfromaladder。ApartofthewallsofDublin，crowdedwithloyalsightseers，collapses。
　　THESIGHTSEERSDyingMorituritesalutant。Theydie。
　　Amaninabrownmacintoshspringsupthroughatrap-door。HepointsanelongatedfingeratBloom。
　　THEMANINTHEMACINTOSHDon’tyoubelieveawordheSays。ThatmanisLeopoldM’Intosh，thenotoriousfireraiser。HisrealnameisHiggins。
　　BLOOMShoothim！Dogofachristian！SomuchforM’Intosh！
　　Acannonshot。Themaninthemacintoshdisappears。Bloomwithhissceptrestrikesdownpoppies。Theinstantaneousdeathsofmanypowerfulenemies，graziers，membersofparliament，membersofstandingcommittees，arereported。Bloom’sbodyguarddistributeMaundymoney，commemorationmedals，loavesandfishes，temperancebadges，expensiveHenryClaycigars，freecowbonesforsoup，rubberpreservatives，insealedenvelopestiedwithgoldthread，butterscotch，pineapplerock，billetsdouxintheformofcockedhats，readymadesuits，porringersoftoadinthehole，bottlesofJeyes’Fluid，purchasestamps，40days’indulgences，spuriouscoins，dairyfedporksausages，theatrepasses，seasonticketsavailableforalltramlines，couponsoftheroyalandprivilegedHungarianlottery，pennydinnercounters，cheapreprintsoftheWorld’sTwelveWorstBooks：FroggyandFritzpolitic，CareoftheBabyinfantilic，SoMealsfor7/6culinic，WasJesusaSunMyth？historic，ExpelthatPainmedic，Infant’sCompendiumoftheUniversecosmic，Let’sAllChortlehilaric，Canvasser’sVadeMecumjournalic，love-lettersofMotherAssistanterotic，Who’sWhoinSpaceastric，SongsthatReachedOurHeartmelodic，Pennywise’sWaytoWealthparsimonic。Ageneralrushandscramble。WomenpressforwardtotouchthehemofBloom’srobe。TheladyGwendolenDubedatburststhroughthethrong，leapsonhishorseandkisseshimonbothcheeksamidgreatacclamation。Amagnesiumflashlightphotographistaken。Babesandsucklingsareheldup。
　　THEWOMENLittlefather！Littlefather！
　　THEBABESANDSUCKLINGSClapclaphandstillPoldycomeshome，CakesinhispocketforLeoalone。Bloom，bendingdown，pokesBabyBoardmangentlyinthestomach。
　　BABYBOARDMANHiccups，curdledmilkflowingfromhismouth。
　　Hajajaja。
　　BLOOMShakinghandswithablindstripling。MymorethanBrother！
　　Placinghisarmsroundtheshouldersofanoldcouple。Dearoldfriends！Heplayspussyfourcornerswithraggedboysandgirls。
　　Peep！Bopeep！Hewheelstwinsinaperambulator。Ticktacktwowouldyousetashoe？
　　Heperformsjuggler’stricks，drawsred，orange，yellow，green，blue，indigoandvioletsilkhandkerchiefsfromhismouth。Roygbiv。32feetpersecond。Heconsolesawidow。Absencemakestheheartgrowyounger。HedancestheHighlandflingwithgrotesqueantics。Legit，yedevils！Hekissesthebedsoresofapalsiedveteran。Honourablewounds！Hetripsupafatpoliceman。U。p。：up。U。p。：up。Hewhispersintheearofablushingwaitressandlaughskindly。
　　Ah，naughty，naughty！HeeatsarawturnipofferedhimbyMauriceButterly，farmer。Fine！Splendid！HerefusestoacceptthreeshillingsofferedhimbyJosephHynes，journalist。Mydearfellow，notatall！Hegiveshiscoattoabeggar。Pleaseaccept。Hetakespartinastomachracewithelderlymaleandfemalecripples。Comeon，boys！
　　Wriggleit，girls！
　　THECITIZENChokedwithemotion，brushesasideatearinhisemeraldmuffler。MaythegoodGodblesshim！
　　Therams’hornssoundforsilence。ThestandardofZionishoisted。
　　BLOOMUncloaksimpressively，revealingobesity，unrollsapaperandreadssolemnly。AlephBethGhimelDalethHagadahTephilimKosherYomKippurHanukahRoschaschanaBeniBrithBarMitzvahMazzothAskenazimMeshuggahTalith。
　　AnofficialtranslationisreadbyJimmyHenry，assistanttownclerk。
　　JIMMYHENRYTheCourtofConscienceisnowopen。HisMostCatholicMajestywillnowadministeropenairjustice。Freemedicalandlegaladvice，solutionofdoublesandotherproblems。Allcordiallyinvited。GivenatthisourloyalcityofDublinintheyearIoftheParadisiacalEra。
　　PADDYLEONARDWhatamItodoaboutmyratesandtaxes？
　　BLOOMPaythem，myfriend。
　　PADDYLEONARDThankyou。
　　NOSEYFLYNNCanIraiseamortgageonmyfireinsurance？
　　BLOOMObdurately。Sirs，takenoticethatbythelawoftortsyouareboundoverinyourownrecognisancesforsixmonthsinthesumoffivepounds。
　　J。J。O’MOLLYADanieldidIsay？Nay！APeterO’Brien！
　　NOSEYFLYNNWheredoIdrawthefivepounds？
　　PISSERBURKEForbladdertrouble？
　　BLOOMAcid。nit。hydrochlordil。，20minims，Tinct。mix。vom。，4minims。
　　Extr。taraxel。lig。，30minims。
　　Aq。dis。terindie。CHRISCALLINANWhatistheparallaxofthesubsolareclipticofAldebaran？
　　BLOOMPleasedtohearfromyou，Chris。K。II。
　　JOEHYNESWhyaren’tyouinuniform？
　　BLOOMWhenmyprogenitorofsaintedmemoryworetheuniformoftheAustriandespotinadankprisonwherewasyours？
　　BENDOLLARDPansies？
　　BLOOMEmbellishbeautifysuburbangardens。
　　BENDOLLARDWhentwinsarrive？
　　BLOOMFatherpater，dadstartsthinking。
　　LARRYO’ROURKEAneightdaylicenceformynewpremises。Yourememberme，sirLeo，whenyouwereinnumberseven。I’msendingaroundadozenofstoutforthemissus。
　　BLOOMColdly。Youhavetheadvantageofme。LadyBloomacceptsnopresents。
　　CROFTONThisisindeedafestivity。
　　BLOOMSolemnly。Youcallitafestivity。Icallitasacrament。
　　ALEXANDERKEYESWhenwillwehaveourownhouseofkeys？
　　BLOOMIstandforthereformofmunicipalmoralsandtheplaintencommandments。
　　Newworldsforold。Unionofall，jew，moslemandgentile。Threeacresandacowforallchildrenofnature。Saloonmotorhearses。Compulsorymanuallabourforall。Allparksopentothepublicdayandnight。Electricdishscrubbers。Tuberculosis，lunacy，warandmendicancymustnowcease。
　　Generalamnesty，weeklycarnival，withmaskedlicence，bonusesforall，esperantotheuniversalbrotherhood。Nomorepatriotismofbarspongersanddropsicalimpostors。Freemoney，freeloveandafreelaychurchinafreelaystate。
　　O’MADDENBURKEFreefoxinafreehenroost。
　　DAVYBYRNEYawning。Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach！
　　BLOOMMixedracesandmixedmarriage。
　　LENEHANWhataboutmixedbathing？
　　Bloomexplainstothosenearhimhisschemesforsocialregeneration。
　　Allagreewithhim。ThekeeperoftheKildareStreetMuseumappears，draggingalorryonwhicharetheshakingstatuesofseveralnakedgoddesses，VenusCallipyge，VenusPandemosVenusMetempsychosis，andplasterfigures，alsonaked，representingthenewninemuses，Commerce，OperaticMusic，AmorPublicity，Manufacture，libertyofSpeech，PluralVoting，Gastronomy，PrivateHygiene，SeasideConcertEntertainments，PainlessObstetricsandAstronomyforthePeople。
　　FATHERFARLEYHeisanepiscopalian，anagnostic，ananythingarianseekingtooverthrowourholyfaith。
　　MRSRIORDANTearsupherwill。I’mdisappointedinyou！Youbadman！
　　MOTHERGROGANRemovesherboottothrowitatBloom。Youbeast！
　　Youabominableperson！
　　NOSEYFLYNNGiveusatune，Bloom。Oneoftheoldsweetsongs。
　　BLOOMWithrollickinghumour。IvowedthatIneverwouldleaveher，Sheturnedoutacrueldeceiver。
　　Withmytooraloomtooraloomtooralcomtooraloom。HOPPYHOLOHANGoodoldBloom！There’snobodylikehimafterall。
　　PADDYLEONARDStageIrishman！
　　BLOOMWhatrailwayoperaislikeatramlineinGibraltar？TheRowsofCasteele。Laughter。
　　LENEHANPlagiarist！DownwithBloom！
　　THEVEILEDSIBYLEnthusiastically。I’maBloomiteandIgloryinit。Ibelieveinhiminspiteofall。I’dgivemylifeforhim，thefunniestmanonearth。
　　BLOOMWinksatthebystanders。Ibetshe’sabonnylassie。
　　THEODOREPUREFOYInfishingcapandoilskinjacket。Heemploysamechanicaldevicetofrustratethesacredendsofnature。
　　THEVEILEDSIBYLStabsherself。Myherogod！Shedies。
　　Manymostattractiveandenthusiasticwomenalsocommitsuicidebystabbing，drowning，drinkingprussicacid，aconite，arsenic，openingtheirveins，refusingfood，castingthemselvesundersteamrollers，fromthetopofNelson’sPillar，intothegreatvatofGuinness’sbrewery，asphyxiatingthemselvesbyplacingtheirheadsingasovens，hangingthemselvesinstylishgarters，leapingfromwindowsofdifferentstoreys。
　　ALEXANDERJ。DOWIEViolently。FellowchristiansandantiBloomites，themancalledBloomisfromtherootsofhell，adisgracetochristianmen。AfiendishlibertinefromhisearliestyearsthisstinkinggoatofMendesgaveprecocioussignsofinfantiledebaucheryrecallingthecitiesoftheplain，withadissolutegranddam。Thisvilehypocrite，bronzedwithinfamy，isthewhitebullmentionedintheApocalypse。AworshipperoftheScarletWoman，intrigueistheverybreathofhisnostrils。Thestakefaggotsandthecaldronofboilingoilareforhim。Caliban！
　　THEMOBLynchhim！Roasthim！He’sasbadasParnellwas。MrFox！
　　MotherGroganthrowsherbootatBloom。SeveralshopkeepersfromupperandlowerDorsetstreetthrowobjectsoflittleornocommercialvalue，hambones，condensedmilktins，unsaleablecabbage，stalebread，sheeps’tails，oddpiecesoffat。
　　BLOOMExcitedly。Thisismidsummermadness，someghastlyjokeagain。Byheaven，Iamguiltlessastheunsunnedsnow！ItwasmybrotherHenry。Heismydouble。Helivesinnumber2Dolphin’sBarn。Slander，theviper，haswrongfullyaccusedme。Fellowcountrymen，sgenlinnbanbatacoisdegancapall。Icallonmyoldfriend，DrMalachiMulligan，sexspecialisttogivemedicaltestimonyonmybehalf。
　　DRMULLIGANInmotorjerkin，greenmotorogglesonhisbrow。
　　DrBloomisbisexuallyabnormal。HehasrecentlyescapedfromDrEustace’sprivateasylumfordementedgentlemen。Bornoutofbedlockhereditaryepilepsyispresent，theconsequenceofunbridledlust。Tracesofelephantiasishavebeendiscoveredamonghisascendants。Therearemarkedsymptomsofchronicexhibitionism。Ambidexterityisalsolatent。Heisprematurelybaldfromselfabuse，perverselyidealisticinconsequence，areformedrake，andhasmetalteeth。InconsequenceofafamilycomplexhehastemporarilylosthismemoryandIbelievehimtobemoresinnedagainstthansinning。
　　Ihavemadeapervaginalexaminationand，afterapplicationoftheacidtestto5427anal，axillary，pectoralandpubichairs，Ideclarehimtobevirgointacta。
　　Bloomholdshishighgradehatoverhisgenitalorgans。
　　DRMADDENHypsospadiaisalsomarked。IntheinterestofcominggenerationsIsuggestthatthepartsaffectedshouldbepreservedinspiritsofwineinthenationalteratologicalmuseum。