TheretoPunchCostelloroaredoutmainlyEtiennechansonbutheloudlybidthemlo，wisdomhathbuiltherselfahouse，thisvastmajesticlongstablishedvault，thecrystalpalaceoftheCreatorallinapplepieorder，apennyforhimwhofindsthepea。BeholdthemansionrearedbydedalJack，Seethemaltstoredinmanyarefluentsack，IntheproudcirqueofJackjohn’sbivouac。Ablackcrackofnoiseinthestreethere，alack，bawled，back。LoudonleftThorthundered：inangerawfulthehammerhurler。Camenowthestormthathisthisheart。AndMasterLynchbadehimhaveacaretofloutandwitwantonasthegodselfwasangeredforhishellprateandpaganry。Andhethathaderstchallengedtobesodoughtywaxedpaleastheymightallmarkandshranktogetherandhispitchthatwasbeforesohaughtupliftwasnowofasuddenquitepluckeddownandhisheartshookwithinthecageofhisbreastashetastedtherumourofthatstorm。ThendidsomemockandsomejeerandPunchCostellofellhardagaintohisyalewhichMasterLenehanvowedhewoulddoafterandhewasindeedbutawordandablowonanytheleastcolour。ButthebraggartboastercriedthatanoldNobodaddywasinhiscupsitwasmuchwhatindifferentandhewouldnotlagbehindhislead。ButthiswasonlytodyehisdesperationascowedhecrouchedinHorne’shall。HedrankindeedatonedraughttopluckupaheartofanygraceforitthunderedlongrumblinglyoveralltheheavenssothatMasterMadden，beinggodlycertainwhiles，knockedhimonhisribsuponthatcrackofdoomandMasterBloom，atthebraggart’ssidespoketohimcalmingwordstoslumberhisgreatfear，advertisinghowitwasnootherthingbutahubbubnoisethatheheard，thedischargeoffluidfromthethunderhead，lookyou，havingtakenplace，andalloftheorderofanaturalphenomenon。
　　ButwasyoungBoasthard’sfearvanquishedbyCalmer’swords？No，forhehadinhisbosomaspikenamedBitternesswhichcouldnotbywordsbedoneaway。Andwashethenneithercalmliketheonenorgodlyliketheother？Hewasneitherasmuchashewouldhavelikedtobeeither。ButcouldhenothaveendeavouredtohavefoundagainasinhisyouththebottleHolinessthatthenhelivedwithal？IndeednotforGracewasnottheretofindthatbottle。HeardhetheninthatclapthevoiceofthegodBringforthor，whatCalmersaid，ahubbubofPhenomenon？Heard？Why，hecouldnotbuthearunlesshehadpluggedupthetubeUnderstandingwhichhehadnotdone。ForthroughthattubehesawthathewasinthelandofPhenomenonwherehemustforacertainonedaydieashewasliketheresttooapassingshow。Andwouldhenotaccepttodieliketherestandpassaway？BynomeanswouldheandmakemoreshowsaccordingasmendowithwiveswhichPhenomenonhascommandedthemtodobythebookLaw。ThenwottedhenoughtofthatotherlandwhichiscalledBelieve-on-Me，thatisthelandofpromisewhichbehovestothekingDelightfulandshallbeforeverwherethereisnodeathandnobirthneitherwivingnormotheringatwhichallshallcomeasmanyasbelieveonit？Yes，PioushadtoldhimofthatlandandChastehadpointedhimtothewaybutthereasonwasthatinthewayhefellinwithacertainwhoreofaneyepleasingexteriorwhosename，shesaid，isBird-in-the-Handandshebeguiledhimwrongwaysfromthetruepathbyherflatteriesthatshesaidtohimas，Ho，youprettyman，turnasidehitherandIwillshowyouabraveplace，andshelayathimsoflatteringlythatshehadhiminhergrotwhichisnamedTwo-in-the-Bushor，bysomelearned，CarnalConcupiscence。
　　ThiswasitwhatallthatcompanythatsatthereatcommonsinManseofMothersthemostlustedafterandiftheymetwiththiswhoreBird-in-the-Handwhichwaswithinallfoulplagues，monstersandawickeddeviltheywouldstrainthelastbuttheywouldmakeatherandknowher。ForregardingBelieve-on-Metheysaiditwasnoughtelsebutnotionandtheycouldconceivenothoughtofitfor，first，Two-in-the-Bushwhithersheticedthemwastheverygoodliestgrotandinitwerefourpillowsonwhichwerefourticketswiththesewordsprintedonthem，PickabackandTopsyturvyandShamefaceandCheekbyJowland，second，forthatfoulplagueAllpoxandthemonsterstheycarednotforthem，forPreservativehadgiventhemastoutshieldofoxengutand，third，thattheymighttakenohurtneitherfromOffspringthatwasthatwickeddevilbyvirtueofthissameshieldwhichwasnamedKillchild。Soweretheyallintheirblindfancy，MrCavilandMrSometimesGodly，MrApeSwillale，MrFalseFranklin，MrDaintyDixon，YoungBoasthardandMrCautiousCalmer。Wherein，Owretchedcompany，wereyealldeceivedforthatwasthevoiceofthegodthatwasinaverygrievousragethathewouldpresentlylifthisarmandspilltheirsoulsfortheirabusesandtheirspillingsdonebythemcontrariwisetohiswordwhichforthtobringbrenninglybiddeth。
　　SoThursdaysixteenthJunePatk。Dignamlaidinclayofanapoplexyandafterharddrought，pleaseGod，rained，abargemancominginbywaterafiftymileorthereaboutwithturfsayingtheseedwon’tsprout，fieldsathirst，verysadcolouredandstunkmightily，thequagsandtoftstoo。
　　Hardtobreatheandalltheyoungquickscleanconsumedwithoutsprinklethislongwhilebackasnomanrememberedtobewithout。Therosybudsallgonebrownandspreadoutblobsandonthehillsnoughtbutdryflagsandfaggotsthatwouldcatchatfirstfire。Alltheworldsaying，foraughttheyknew，thebigwindoflastFebruaryayearthatdidhavocthelandsopitifullyasmallthingbesidethisbarrenness。Butbyandby，assaid，thiseveningaftersundown，thewindsittinginthewest，biggishswollencloudstobeseenasthenightincreasedandtheweatherwiseporingupatthemandsomesheetlightningsatfirstandafter，pasttenoftheclock，onegreatstrokewithalongthunderandinabraceofshakesallscamperpellmellwithindoorforthesmokingshower，themenmakingshelterfortheirstrawswithacloutorkerchief，womenfolkskippingoffwithkirtlescatchedupsoonasthepourcame。InElyplace，Baggotstreet，Duke’slawn，thencethroughMerriongreenuptoHollesstreet，aswashofwaterrunningthatwasbeforebonedryandnotonechairorcoachorfiacreseenaboutbutnomorecrackafterthatfirst。OveragainsttheRt。Hon。MrJusticeFitzgibbon’sdoorthatistositwithMrHealythelawyeruponthecollegelandsMal。Mulliganagentleman’sgentlemanthathadbutcomefromMrMoore’sthewriter’sthatwasapapishbutisnow，folksay，agoodWilliamite
　　chancedagainstAlec。BannoninacutbobwhicharenowInwithdancecloaksofKendalgreenthatwasnewgottotownfromMullingarwiththestagewherehiscozandMalM’sbrotherwillstayamonthyettillSaintSwithinandaskswhatintheearthhedoesthere，heboundhomeandhetoAndrewHorne’sbeingstayedfortocrushacupofwine，sohesaid，butwouldtellhimofaskittishheifer，bigofherageandbeeftotheheelandallthiswhilepouredwithrainandsobothtogetherontoHorne’s。
　　ThereLeop。BloomofCrawford’sjournalsittingsnugwithacoveyofwags，likelybranglingfellows，Dixonjun。，scholarofmyladyofMercy，Vin。
　　Lynch，aScotsfellow，Will。Madden，T。Lenehan，verysadforaracinghorsehefanciedandStephenD。Leop。Bloomthereforalanguorhehadbutwasnowbetter，hehavingdreamedtonightastrangefancyofhisdameMrsMollwithredslippersoninpairofTurkeytrunkswhichisthoughtbythoseinkentobeforachangeandMistressPurefoythere，thatgotinthroughpleadingherbelly，andnowonthestools，poorbody，twodayspastherterm，themidwivessoreputtoitandcan’tdeliver，shequeasyforabowlofriceslopthatisashrewddrierupoftheinsidesandherbreathveryheavymorethangoodandshouldbeabullyboyfromtheknockstheysay，butGodgivehersoonissue。’Tisherninthchicktolive，Ihear，andLadydaybitoffherlastchick’snailsthatwasthenatwelvemonthandwithotherthreeallbreastfedthatdiedwrittenoutinafairhandintheking’sbible。HerhubfiftyoddandamethodistbuttakestheSacramentandistobeseenanyfairsabbathwithapairofhisboysoffBullockharbourdappingonthesoundwithaheavybrakedreelorinapunthehastrailingforflounderandpollockandcatchesafinebag，Ihear。InsumaninfinitegreatfallofrainandallrefreshedandwillmuchincreasetheharvestyetthoseinkensayafterwindandwaterfireshallcomeforaprognosticationofMalachi’salmanacandIhearthatMrRussellhasdoneapropheticalcharmofthesamegistoutoftheHindustanishforhisfarmer’sgazettetohavethreethingsinallbutthisamerefetchwithoutbottomofreasonforoldcronesandbairnsyetsometimestheyarefoundintherightguesswiththeirqueeritiesnotellinghow。
　　WiththiscameupLenehantothefeetofthetabletosayhowtheletterwasinthatnight’sgazetteandhemadeashowtofinditabouthimforhesworewithanoaththathehadbeenatpainsaboutitbutonStephen’spersuasionhegaveovertosearchandwasbiddentositnearbywhichhedidmightybrisk。Hewasakindofsportgentlemanthatwentforamerryandreworhonestpickleandwhatbelongedofwoman，horseflesh，orhotscandalhehaditpat。Totellthetruthhewasmeaninfortunesandforthemostparthankeredaboutthecoffeehousesandlowtavernswithcrimps，ostlers，bookies，Paul’smen，runners，flatcaps，waistcoateers，ladiesofthebagnioandotherroguesofthegameorwithachanceablecatchpoleoratipstaffoftenatnightstillbroaddayofwhomhepickedupbetweenhissackpossetsmuchloosegossip。Hetookhisordinaryataboiling-cook’sandifhehadbutgottenintohimamessofbrokenvictualsoraplatteroftripeswithabaretesterinhispursehecouldalwaysbringhimselfoffwithhistongue，somerandyquiphehadfromapunkorwhatnotthateverymother’ssonofthemwouldbursttheirsides。Theother，Costello，thatis，hearingthistalkaskedwasitpoetryoratale。Faith，no，hesays，Frankthatwashisname，’tisallaboutKerrycowsthataretobebutcheredalongoftheplague。Buttheycangohang，sayshewithawink，formewiththeirbullybeef，apoxonit。There’sasgoodfishinthistinasevercameoutofitandveryfriendlyheofferedtotakeofsomesaltyspratsthatstoodbywhichhehadeyedwishlyinthemeantimeandfoundtheplacewhichwasindeedthechiefdesignofhisembassyashewassharpset。Mortauxvaches，saysFrankthenintheFrenchlanguagethathadbeenindenturedtoabrandyshipperthathasawinelodgeinBordeauxandhespokeFrenchlikeagentlemantoo。FromachildthisFrankhadbeenadonoughtthathisfather，aheadborough，whocouldillkeephimtoschooltolearnhislettersandtheuseoftheglobes，matriculatedattheuniversitytostudythemechanicsbuthetookthebitbetweenhisteethlikearawcoltandwasmorefamiliarwiththejusticiaryandtheparishbeadlethanwithhisvolumes。Onetimehewouldbeaplayactor，thenasutlerorawelsher，thennoughtwouldkeephimfromthebearpitandthecockingmain，thenhewasfortheoceanseaortohoofitontheroadswiththeRomanyfolk，kidnappingasquire’sheirbyfavourormoonlightorfeckingmaid’slinenorchokingchickensbehindahedge。Hehadbeenoffasmanytimesasacathaslivesandbackagainwithnakedpocketsasmanymoretohisfathertheheadboroughwhoshedapintoftearsasoftenashesawhim。What，saysMrLeopoldwithhishandsacross，thatwasearnesttoknowthedriftofit，willtheyslaughterall？IprotestIsawthembutthisdaymorninggoingtotheLiverpoolboats，sayshe。Icanscarcebelieve’tissobad，sayshe。Andhehadexperienceofthelikebroodbeastsandofspringers，greasyhoggetsandwetherwools，havingbeensomeyearsbeforeactuaryforMrJosephCuffe，aworthysalesmasterthatdrovehistradeforlivestockandmeadowauctionshardbyMrGavinLow’syardinPrussiastreet。
　　Iquestionwithyouthere，sayshe。Morelike’tisthehooseofthetimbertongue。MrStephen，alittlemovedbutveryhandsomely，toldhimnosuchmatterandthathehaddispatchesfromtheemperor’schieftailticklerthankinghimforthehospitality，thatwassendingoverDoctorRinderpest，thebestquotedcowcatcherinallMuscovy，withabolusortwoofphysictotakethebullbythehorns。Come，come，saysMrVincent，plaindealing。
　　He’llfindhimselfonthehornsofadilemmaifhemeddleswithabullthat’sIrish，sayshe。IrishbynameandIrishbynature，saysMrStephen，andhesentthealepurlingabout。AnIrishbullinanEnglishchinashop。
　　Iconceiveyou，saysMrDixon。ItisthatsamebullthatwassenttoourislandbyfarmerNicholas，thebravestcattlebreederofthemall，withanemeraldringinhisnose。Trueforyou，saysMrVincentcrossthetable，andabullseyeintothebargain，sayshe，andaplumperandaportlierbull，sayshe，nevershitonshamrock。Hehadhornsgalore，acoatofgoldandasweetsmokybreathcomingoutofhisnostrilssothatthewomenofourisland，leavingdoughballsandrollingpins，followedafterhimhanginghisbullinessindaisychains。Whatforthat，saysMrDixon，butbeforehecameoverfarmerNicholasthatwasaeunuchhadhimproperlygeldedbyacollegeofdoctors，whowerenobetteroffthanhimself。Sobeoffnow，sayshe，anddoallmycousingermantheLordHarrytellsyouandtakeafarmer’sblessing，andwiththatheslappedhisposteriorsverysoundly。Buttheslapandtheblessingstoodhimfriend，saysMrVincent，fortomakeuphetaughthimatrickworthtwooftheothersothatmaid，wife，abbessandwidowtothisdayaffirmthattheywouldratheranytimeofthemonthwhisperinhisearinthedarkofacowhouseorgetalickonthenapefromhislongholytonguethenliewiththefineststrappingyoungravisherinthefourfieldsofallIreland。Anotherthenputinhisword：Andtheydressedhim，sayshe，inapointshiftandpetticoatwithatippetandgirdleandrufflesonhiswristsandclippedhisforelockandrubbedhimalloverwithspermaceticoilandbuiltstablesforhimateveryturnoftheroadwithagoldmangerineachfullofthebesthayinthemarketsothathecoulddossanddungtohisheart’scontent。Bythistimethefatherofthefaithfulforsotheycalledhimwasgrownsoheavythathecouldscarcewalktopasture。Toremedywhichourcozeningdamesanddamselsbroughthimhisfodderintheirapronlapsandassoonashisbellywasfullhewouldrearuponhishindquarterstoshowtheirladyshipsamysteryandroarandbellowoutofhiminbull’slanguageandtheyallafterhim。Ay，saysanother，andsopamperedwashethathewouldsuffernoughttogrowinallthelandbutgreengrassforhimselfforthatwastheonlycolourtohismindandtherewasaboardputuponahillockinthemiddleoftheislandwithaprintednotice，saying：BythelordHarrygreenisthegrassthatgrowsontheground。And，saysMrDixon，ifeverhegotscentofacattleraiderinRoscommonorthewildsofConnemaraorahusbandmaninSligothatwassowingasmuchasahandfulofmustardorabagofrapeseedoutherunamokoverhalfthecountrysiderootingupwithhishornswhateverwasplantedandallbylordHarry’sorders。