`Letmefirstestablishmypositionasafriend,’thoughtI,——`thepatronandplayfellowofherson,thesober,solid,plain-dealingfriendofherself,andthen,whenIhavemademyselffairlynecessarytohercomfortandenjoymentinlifeasIbelieveIcan,we’llseewhatnextmaybeeffected。’
Sowetalkedaboutpainting,poetry,andmusic,theology,geology,andphilosophy:onceortwiceIlentherabook,andonceshelentmeoneinreturn:ImetherinherwalksasoftenasIcould;IcametoherhouseasoftenasIdared。MyfirstpretextforinvadingthesanctumwastobringArthuralittlewaddlingpuppyofwhichSanchowasthefather,andwhichdelightedthechildbeyondexpression,and,consequently,couldnotfailtopleasehismamma。Mysecondwastobringhimabook,which,knowinghismother’sparticularity,Ihadcarefullyselected,andwhichIsubmittedforherapprobationbeforepresentingittohim。Then,Ibroughthersomeplantsforhergarden,inmysister’sname——havingpreviouslypersuadedRosetosendthem。EachofthesetimesIenquiredafterthepictureshewaspaintingfromthesketchtakenonthecliff,andwasadmittedintothestudio,andaskedmyopinionoradvicerespectingitsprogress。
Mylastvisithadbeentoreturnthebookshehadlentme;andthenitwas,that,incasuallydiscussingthepoetryofSirWalterScott,shehadexpressedawishtosee`Marmion,’andIhadconceivedthepresumptuousideaofmakingherapresentofit,and,onmyreturnhome,instantlysentforthesmartlittlevolume1hadthismorningreceived。Butanapologyforinvadingthehermitagewasstillnecessary;soIhadfurnishedmyselfwithabluemoroccocollarforArthur’slittledog;andthatbeinggivenandreceived,withmuchmorejoyandgratitude,onthepartofthereceiver,thantheworthofthegift,ortheselfishmotiveofthegiverdeserved,IventuredtoaskMrsGrahamforonemorelookatthepicture,ifitwasstillthere。
`Ohyes!comein,’saidsheforIhadmettheminthegarden。
`Itisfinishedandframed,allreadyforsendingaway;butgivemeyourlastopinion,and,ifyoucansuggestanyfurtherimprovement,itshallbe——dulyconsidered,atleast。’
Thepicturewasstrikinglybeautiful:itwastheverysceneitself,transferredasifbymagictothecanvas;butIexpressedmyapprobationinguardedterms,andfewwords,forfearofdispleasingher。She,however,attentivelywatchedmylooks,andherartist’spridewasgratified,nodoubt,toreadmyheart-feltadmirationinmyeyes。But,whileIgazed,Ithoughtuponthebook,andwonderedhowitwastobepresented。Myheartfailedme;butIdeterminednottobesuchafoolastocomeawaywithouthavingmadetheattempt。Itwasuselesswaitingforanopportunity,anduselesstryingtoconcoctaspeechfortheoccasionThemoreplainlyandnaturallythethingwasdone,thebetter,Ithought;soIjustlookedoutofthewindowtoscrewupmycourage,andthenpulledoutthebook,turnedround,andputitintoherhand,withthisshortexplanation。
`Youwerewishingtosee`Marmion’,MrsGraham;andhereitis,ifyouwillbesokindastotakeit。’
Amomentaryflushsuffusedherface——perhapsablushofsympatheticshameforsuchanawkwardstyleofpresentation:shegravelyexaminedthevolumeonbothsides;thensilentlyturnedovertheleaves,knittingherbrowsthewhileinseriouscogitation;thenclosedthebook,and,turningfromittome,quietlyaskedthepriceofit——Ifeltthehotbloodrushtomyface。
`I’msorrytooffendyou,MrMarkham,’saidshe,`butunlessI
payforthebook,Icannottakeit。’Andshelaiditonthetable。
`Whycannotyou?’
`Because——`Shepaused,andlookedatthecarpet。
`Whycannotyou?’Irepeated,withadegreeofirascibilitythatrousedhertolifthereyes,andlookmesteadilyintheface。
`BecauseIdon’tliketoputmyselfunderobligationsthatIcanneverrepay——Iamobligedtoyou,already,foryourkindnesstomyson;buthisgratefulaffection,andyourowngoodfeelings,mustrewardyouforthat。’
`Nonsense!’ejaculatedI。
Sheturnedhereyesonmeagain,withalookofquiet,gravesurprise,thathadtheeffectofarebuke,whetherintendedforsuchornot。
`Thenyouwon’ttakethebook?’Iasked,moremildlythanIhadyetspoken。
`Iwillgladlytakeit,ifyouwillletmepayforit。’
Itoldhertheexactprice,andthecostofthecarnagebesides,inascalmatoneasICouldcommand——forinfact,Iwasreadytoweepwithdisappointmentandvexation。
Sheproducedherpurse,andcoollycountedoutthemoney,buthesitatedtoputitintomyhand。Attentivelyregardingme,inatoneofsoothingsoftnesssheobserved,——
`Youthinkyourselfinsulted,MrMarkham——IwishIcouldmakeyouunderstandthat——thatI——`’
`Idounderstandyou,perfectly,’Isaid。`Youthinkthatifyouweretoacceptthattriflefrommenow,Ishouldpresumeuponithereafter;
butyouaremistaken:——ifyouwillonlyobligemebytakingit,believeme,Ishallbuildnohopesuponit,andconsiderthisnoprecedentforfuturefavours:——anditisnonsensetotalkaboutputtingyourselfunderobligationstomewhenyoumustknowthatinsuchacasetheobligationisentirelyonmyside,——thefavouronyours。
`Wellthen,I’lltakeyouatyourword,’sheanswered,withamostangelicsmile,returningtheodiousmoneytoherpurse——`butremember!’
`Iwillremember——whatIhavesaid;——butdonotyoupunishmypresumptionbywithdrawingyourfriendshipentirelyfromme,——orexpectmetoatoneforitbybeingmoredistantthanbefore,’saidI,extendingmyhandtotakeleave,forIwastoomuchexcitedtoremain。
`Wellthen!letusbeaswewere,’repliedshe,franklyplacingherhandinmine;andwhileIhelditthere,Ihadmuchdifficultytorefrainfrompressingittomylips;——butthatwouldbesuicidalmadness:Ihadbeenboldenoughalready,andthisprematureofferinghadwellnighgiventhedeath-blowtomyhopes。
Itwaswithanagitated,burningheartandbrainthatIhurriedhomewards,regardlessofthatscorchingnoondaysun——forgetfulofeverythingbutherIhadjustleft——regrettingnothingbutherimpenetrability,andmyownprecipitancyandwantoftact——fearingnothingbutherhatefulresolution,andmyinabilitytoovercomeit——hopingnothing——buthalt,——IwillnotboreyouwithmyconflIctinghopesandfears——myseriouscogitationsandresolves。
TheTenantofWildfellHall:Chapter9CHAPTER9ASnakeintheGrassTHOUGHmyaffectionsmightnowbesaidtobefairlyweanedfromElizaMillward,Ididnotyetentirelyrelinquishmyvisitstothevicarage,becauseI
wanted,asitwere,toletherdowneasy;withoutraisingmuchsorrow,orincurringmuchresentment,——ormakingmyselfthetalkoftheparish;
andbesides,ifIhadwhollykeptaway,thevicar,wholookeduponmyvisitsaspaidchiefly,ifnotentirelytohimself,wouldhavefelthimselfdecidedlyaffrontedbytheneglect。ButwhenIcalledtherethedayaftermyinterviewwithMrsGraham,hehappenedtobefromhome——acircumstancebynomeanssoagreeabletomenowasithadbeenonformeroccasions。MissMillwardwasthere,itistrue,butshe,ofcourse,wouldbelittlebetterthananonentity。However,Iresolvedtomakemyvisitashortone,andtotalktoElizainabrotherly,friendlysortofway,suchasourlongacquaintancemightwarrantmeinassuming,andwhich,Ithought,couldneithergiveoffencenorservetoencouragefalsehopes。
ItwasnevermycustomtotalkaboutMrsGrahameithertoheroranyoneelse;butIhadnotbeenseatedthreeminutes,beforeshebroughtthatladyontothecarpetherself,inaratherremarkablemanner。
`Oh,MrMarkham!’saidshe,withashockedexpressionandvoicesubduedalmosttoawhisper——`whatdoyouthinkoftheseshockingreportsaboutMrsGraham?——canyouencourageustodisbelievethem?’
`Whatreports?’
`Ah,now!youknow!’sheslylysmiledandshookherhead。
`Iknownothingaboutthem——Whatintheworlddoyoumean,Eliza?’
`Oh,don’taskme!——Ican’texplainit。’Shetookupthecambrichandkerchiefwhichshehadbeenbeautifyingwithadeeplaceborder,andbegantobeverybusy。
`Whatisit,MissMillward?whatdoesshemean?’saidI,appealingtohersister,whoseemedtobeabsorbedinthehemmingofalarge,coarsesheet。
`Idon’tknow,’repliedshe。’——`Someidleslandersomebodyhasbeeninventing,Isuppose。IneverheardittillElizatoldme,theotherday,——butifalltheparishdinneditinmyears,Ishouldn’tbelieveawordofit——IknowMrsGrahamtoowell!’
`Quiteright,MissMillward!——andsodoI——whateveritmaybe。’
`Well!’observedEliza,withagentlesigh——`It’swelltohavesuchacomfortableassuranceregardingtheworthofthosewelove——Ionlywishyoumaynotfindyourconfidencemisplaced。’
Andsheraisedherface,andgavemesuchalookofsorrowfultendernessasmighthavemeltedmyheart,butwithinthoseeyestherelurkedasomethingthatIdidnotlike;andIwonderedhowIevercouldhaveadmiredthem:hersister’shonestfaceandsmallgreyopticsappearedfarmoreagreeable;——butIwasoutoftemperwithEliza,atthatmoment,forherinsinuationsagainstMrsGraham——whichwerefalse,Iwascertain,whethersheknewitornot。
Isaidnothingmoreonthesubject,however,atthetime,andbutlittleonanyother;for,findingIcouldnotwellrecovermyequanimity,Ipresentlyroseandtookleave,excusingmy-selfunderthepleaofbusinessatthefarm;——andtothefarmIwent——nottroublingmymindonewhitaboutthepossibletruthofthesemysteriousreports,butonlywonderingwhattheywere,bywhomoriginated,andonwhatfoundationsraised,——andhowtheycouldthemosteffectuallybesilencedordisproved。
Afewdaysafterthis,wehadanotherofourquietlittleparties,towhichtheusualcompanyoffriendsandneighbourshadbeeninvited,andMrsGrahamamongthenumber。Shecouldnotnowabsentherselfunderthepleaofdarkeveningsorinclementweather,and,greatlytomyrelief,shecame。WithoutherIshouldhavefoundthewholeaffairanintolerablebore;butthemomentofherarrivalbroughtnewlifetothehouse;andthoughImustnotneglecttheotherguestsforher,orexpecttoengrossmuchofherattentionandconversationtomyselfalone,Ianticipatedaneveningofnocommonenjoyment。
MrLawrencecametoo。Hedidnotarrivetillsometimeaftertherestwereassembled。IwascurioustoseehowhewouldcomporthimselftoMrsGraham。Aslightbowwasallthatpassedbetweenthemonhisentrance;
andhavingpolitelygreetedtheothermembersofthecompany,heseatedhimselfquitealooffromtheyoungwidow,betweenmymotherandRose。
`Didyoueverseesuchart!’whisperedEliza,whowasmynear-
estneighbour。`Wouldyounotsaytheywereperfectstrangers?’
`Almost;——butwhatthen?’
`Whatthen!——whyyoucan’tpretendtobeignorant?’
`Ignorantofwhat?’demandedI,sosharplythatshestartedandreplied——
`Oh,hush!don’tspeaksoloud。’
`Well,tellmethen,’Ianswered,inalowertone;`whatisityoumean?Ihateenigmas。’
`Well,youknow,Idon’tvouchforthetruthofit——indeed,farfromit——buthaven’tyouheard——`
`I’veheardnothing,exceptfromyou。’
`Youmustbewilfullydeafthen;foranyonewilltellyouthat——butIshallonlyangeryoubyrepeatingit,Isee;soIhadbetterholdmytongue。’
Sheclosedherlipsandfoldedherhandsbeforeherwithanairofinjuredmeekness。
`Ifyouhadwishednottoangerme,youshouldhaveheldyourtonguefromthebeginning;orelsespokenoutplainlyandhonestlyallyouhadtosay。’
Sheturnedasideherface,pulledoutherhandkerchief,rose,andwenttothewindow,whereshestoodforsometime,evidentlydissolvedintears。Iwasastounded,provoked,ashamed——notsomuchofmyharshnessasforherchildishweakness。However,nooneseemedtonoticeher,andshortlyafter,weweresummonedtothetea-table;inthosepartsitwascustomarytosittothetableattea-time,onalloccasions,andmakeamealofit;forwedinedearly。Ontakingmyseat,IhadRoseononesideofme,andanemptychairontheother。
`MayIsitbyyou?’saidasoftvoiceatmyelbow。
`Ifyoulike,’wasthereply;andElizaslippedintothevacantchair;thenlookingupinmyfacewithahalfsad,halfplayfulsmile,shewhispered——
`You’resostern,Gilbert。’
Ihandeddownherteawithaslightlycontemptuoussmile,andsaidnothing,forIhadnothingtosay。