首页 >出版文学> TheTenant of Wildfell Hall>第42章
  `Ohyes!It’sonlymywayoftalking。Theeventmustcome,sometime,andsoIlooktothebrightsideofit——that’stherightplan,isn’tit,Mrs。H。?——Whatareyoutwodoinghere,bytheby——where’sLadyLowborough?’
  `Inthebilliardroom。
  `Whatasplendidcreaturesheis!’continuedhe,fixinghiseyesonhiswife,whochangedcolour,andlookedmoreandmoredisconcertedasheproceeded。`Whatanoblefigureshehas!andwhatmagnificentblackeyes;andwhatafinespiritofherown;——andwhatatongueofherown,too,whenshelikestouseit——Iperfectlyadoreher!——Butnevermind,Milicent;Iwouldn’thaveherformywife——notifshe’dakingdomforherdowry!I’mbettersatisfiedwiththeoneIhave——Now,then!whatdoyoulooksosulkyfor?don’tyoubelieveme?’
  `Yes,Ibelieveyou,’murmuredshe,inatoneofhalfsad,halfsullenresignation,assheturnedawaytostrokethehairofhersleepinginfant,thatshehadlaidonthesofabesideher。
  `Wellthen,whatmakesyousocross?ComehereMilly,andtellmewhyyoucan’tbesatisfiedwithmyassurance。’
  Shewent,and,puttingherlittlehandwithinhisarm,lookedupinhisface,andsaidsoftly,——
  `WhatdoesitamounttoRalph?Onlytothis,thatthoughyouadmireAnnabellasomuch,andforqualitiesthatIdon’tpossess,youwouldstillratherhavemethanherforyourwife,whichmerelyprovesthatyoudon’tthinkitnecessarytoloveyourwife:youaresatisfiedifshecankeepyourhouseandtakecareofyourchild。ButI’mnotcross;I’monlysorry;
  for,’addedsheinalow,tremulousaccent,withdrawingherhandfromhisarm,andbendingherlooksontherug,`ifyoudon’tloveme,youdon’t,anditcan’tbehelped。’
  `Verytrue:butwhotoldyouIdidn’t?DidIsayIlovedAnnabella?’
  `Yousaidyouadoredher。’
  `True,butadorationisn’tlove。IadoreAnnabella,butIdon’tloveher;andIlovetheeMilicent,butIdon’tadorethee。’Inproofofhisaffection,heclutchedahandfulofherlightbrownringletsandappearedtotwistthemunmercifully。
  `Doyoureally,Ralph?’murmuredshewithafaintsmilebeamingthroughhertears,justputtingupherhandtohis,intokenthathepulledrathertoohard。
  `TobesureIdo,’respondedhe:`onlyyoubothermerather,sometimes。’
  `Ibotheryou!’criedsheinverynaturalsurprise。
  `Yes,you——butonlybyyourexceedinggoodness——whenaboyhasbeencrammingraisinsandsugar-plumsallday,helongsforasqueezeofsourorangebywayofachange。Anddidyounever,Milly,observethesandsonthesea-shore;howniceandsmooththeylook,andhowsoftandeasytheyfeeltothefoot?Butifyouplodalong,forhalfanhour,overthissoft,easycarpet——givingwayateverystep,yieldingthemoretheharderyoupress,——you’llfinditratherwearisomework,andbegladenoughtocometoabitofgood,firmrock,thatwon’tbudgeaninchwhetheryoustand,walk,orstampuponit;and,thoughitbehardasthenethermillstone,you’llfindittheeasierfootingafterall。’
  `Iknowwhatyoumean,Ralph,’saidshe,nervouslyplayingwithherwatch-guardandtracingthefigureontherugwiththepointofhertinyfoot,`Iknowwhatyoumean,butIthoughtyoualwayslikedtobeyieldedto;andIcan’talternow。
  `Idolikeit,’repliedhe,bringinghertohimbyanothertugatherhair。`Youmustn’tmindmytalkMilly。Amanmusthavesomethingtogrumbleabout;andifhecan’tcomplainthathiswifeharrieshimtodeathwithherperversityandill-humour,hemustcomplainthatshewearshimoutwithherkindnessandgentleness。’
  `Butwhycomplainatall,unless,becauseyouaretiredanddissatisfied?’
  `Toexcusemyownfailings,tobesure。DoyouthinkI’llbearalltheburdenofmysinsonmyownshoulders,aslongasthere’sanotherreadytohelpme,withnoneofherowntocarry?’
  `Thereisnosuchoneonearth,’saidsheseriously;andthen,takinghishandfromherhead,shekisseditwithanairofgenuinedevotion,andtrippedawaytothedoor。
  `Whatnow?’saidhe。`Whereareyougoing?’
  `Totidymyhair,’sheanswered,smilingthroughherdisorderedlocks:`you’vemadeitallcomedown。’
  `Offwithyouthen!——Anexcellentlittlewoman,’heremarkedwhenshewasgone,`butathoughttoosoft——shealmostmeltsinone’shands。
  IpositivelythinkIill-usehersometimes,whenI’vetakentoomuch——butIcan’thelpit,forshenevercomplains,eitheratthetimeorafter。
  Isupposeshedoesn’tmindit。’
  `Icanenlightenyouonthatsubject,Mr。Hattersley,’saidI:
  `shedoesmindit;andsomeotherthingsshemindsstillmore,which,yet,youmayneverhearhercomplainof。’
  `Howdoyouknow?——doesshecomplaintoyou?’demandedhe,withasuddensparkoffuryreadytoburstintoaflameifIshouldanswer`Yes。’
  `No,’Ireplied;`butIhaveknownherlongerandstudiedhermorecloselythanyouhavedone——AndIcantellyou,Mr。Hattersley,thatMilicentlovesyoumorethanyoudeserve,andthatyouhaveitinyourpowertomakeherveryhappy,insteadofwhichyouareherevilgenius,and,Iwillventuretosay,thereisnotasingledaypassesinwhichyoudonotinflictuponhersomepangthatyoumightspareherifyouwould。’
  `Well——it’snotmyfault,’saidhe,gazingcarelesslyupattheceilingandplunginghishandsintohispockets:`ifmyongoingsdon’tsuither,sheshouldtellmeso。’
  `Isshenotexactlythewifeyouwanted?DidyounottellMr。
  Huntingdonyoumusthaveonethatwouldsubmittoanythingwithoutamurmur,andneverblameyou,whateveryoudid?’
  `True,butweshouldn’talwayshavewhatwewant:itspoilsthebestofus,doesn’tit?HowcanIhelpplayingthedeucewhenIseeit’sallonetoherwhetherIbehavelikeaChristianorlikeascoundrelsuchasnaturemademe?——andhowcanIhelpteazingherwhenshe’ssoinvitinglymeekandmim——whensheliesdownlikeaspanielatmyfeetandneversomuchassqueakstotellmethat’senough?’
  `Ifyouareatyrantbynature,thetemptationisstrong,Iallow;
  butnogenerousminddelightstooppresstheweak,butrathertocherishandprotect。’
  `Idon’toppressher;butit’ssoconfoundedflattobealwayscherishingandprotecting;——andthenhowcanItellthatIamoppressingherwhenshe“meltsawayandmakesnosign?”’Isometimesthinkshehasnofeelingatall;andthenIgoontillshecries——andthatsatisfiesme。
  `Thenyoudodelighttooppressher。’
  `Idon’t,Itellyou!——onlywhenI’minabadhumour——oraparticularlygoodone,andwanttoafflictforthepleasureofcomforting;orwhenshelooksflatandwantsshakingupabit。Andsometimes,sheprovokesmebycryingfornothing,andwon’ttellmewhatit’sfor;andthen,Iallow,itenragesmepastbearing——especially,whenI’mnotmyownman。’
  `Asisnodoubtgenerallythecaseonsuchoccasions,’saidI。
  `Butinfuture,Mr。Hattersley,whenyouseeherlookingflatorcryingfor“nothing“asyoucallit,ascribeitalltoyourself:beassureditissomethingyouhavedoneamiss,oryourgeneralmisconductthatdistressesher。’
  `Idon’tbelieveit。Ifitwere,sheshouldtellmeso:Idon’tlikethatwayofmopingandfrettinginsilence,andsayingnothing——it’snothonest。Howcansheexpectmetomendmywaysatthatrate?’
  `Perhapsshegivesyoucreditforhavingmoresensethanyoupossess,anddeludesherselfwiththehopethatyouwillonedayseeyourownerrorsandrepairthem,iflefttoyourownreflection。’
  `Noneofyoursneers,Mrs。Huntingdon!IhavethesensetoseethatI’mnotalwaysquitecorrect——butsometimesIthinkthat’snogreatmatter,aslongasIinjurenobodybutmyself——’
  `Itisagreatmatter,’interruptedI,`bothtoyourselfasyouwillhereafterfindtoyourcostandtoallconnectedwithyou——mostespeciallyyourwife——butindeed,itisnonsensetotalkaboutinjuringnoonebutyourself,itisimpossibletoinjureyourself——especiallybysuchactsaswealludeto——withoutinjuringhundreds,ifnotthousands,besides,inagreaterorlessdegree,eitherbytheevilyoudoorthegoodyouleaveundone。’
  `AndasIwassaying,’continuedhe——`orwouldhavesaidifyouhadn’ttakenmeupsoshort——IsometimesthinkIshoulddobetterifI
  werejoinedtoonethatwouldalwaysremindmewhenIwaswrong,andgivemeamotivefordoinggoodandeschewingevilbydecidedlyshowingherapprovaloftheone,anddisapprovaloftheother。’
  `Ifyouhadnohighermotivethantheapprovalofyourfellowmortal,itwoulddoyoulittlegood。’
  `Well,butifIhadamatethatwouldnotalwaysbeyielding,andalwaysequallykind,butthatwouldhavethespirittostandatbaynowandthen,andhonestlytellmehermindatalltimes——suchaoneasyourselfforinstance——nowifIwentonwithyouasIdowithherwhenI’minLondon,you’dmakethehousetoohottoholdmeattimes,I’llbesworn。
  `Youmistakeme:I’mnotermagant。’
  `Well,allthebetterforthat,forIcan’tstandcontradiction——inageneralway——andI’masfondofmyownwillasanother:onlyIthinktoomuchofitdoesn’tanswerforanyman。
  `Well,Iwouldnevercontradictyouwithoutacause,butcertainlyIwouldalwaysletyouknowwhatIthoughtofyourconduct;andifyouoppressedme,inbody,mind,orestate,youshouldatleasthavenoreasontosuppose“Ididn’tmindit。
  `Iknowthatmylady;andIthinkifmylittlewifeweretofollowthesameplanitwouldbebetterforusboth。’
  `I’lltellher。’
  `No,no,letherbe;there’smuchtobesaidonbothsides——and,nowIthinkuponit,Huntingdonoftenregretsthatyouarenotmorelikeher——scoundrellydogthatheis——andyousee,afterall,youcan’treformhim:he’stentimesworsethanI——He’safraidofyou,tobesure——thatis,he’salwaysonhisbestbehaviourinyourpresence——but——’
  `Iwonderwhathisworstbehaviourislike,then?’Icouldnotforbearobserving。
  `Why,totellyouthetruth,it’sverybadindeedisn’tit,Hargrave?’
  saidhe,addressingthatgentleman,whohadenteredtheroomunperceivedbyme,forIwasnowstandingnearthefirewithmybacktothedoor。`Isn’tHuntingdon,’hecontinued,`asgreatareprobateaseverwasd——d?’
  `Hisladywillnothearhimcensuredwithimpunity,’repliedMr。
  Hargrave,comingforward,`butImustsay,IthankGodIamnotsuchanother。’
  `Perhapsitwouldbecomeyoubetter,’saidI,`tolookatwhatyouare,andsay,“Godbemercifultomeasinner。”’
  `Youaresevere,’returnedhe,bowingslightlyanddrawinghimselfupwithaproudyetinjuredair。Hattersleylaughed,andclappedhimontheshoulder。Movingfromunderhishandwithagestureofinsulteddignity,Mr。Hargravetookhimselfawaytotheotherendoftherug。
  `Isn’titashame,Mrs。Huntingdon?’criedhisbrother-in-law——
  `IstruckWalterHargravewhenIwasdrunk,thesecondnightafterwecame,andhe’sturnedacoldshoulderonmeeversince;thoughIaskedhispardontheverymorningafteritwasdone!’
  `Yourmannerofaskingit,’returnedtheother,`andtheclearnesswithwhichyourememberedthewholetransaction,showedyouwerenottoodrunktobefullyconsciousofwhatyouwereabout,andquiteresponsibleforthedeed。’
  `Youwantedtointerferebetweenmeandmywife,’grumbledHattersley,`andthatisenoughtoprovokeanyman。
  `Youjustifyitthen?’saidhisopponent,dartinguponhimamostvindictiveglance。
  `No,ItellyouIwouldn’thavedoneitifIhadn’tbeenunderexcitement;andifyouchoosetobearmaliceforit,afterallthehandsomethingsI’vesaid——dosoandbedamned!’
  `Iwouldrefrainfromsuchlanguageinalady’spresence,atleast,’saidMr。Hargrave,hidinghisangerunderamaskofdisgust。
  `WhathaveIsaid?’returnedHattersley。`NothingbutHeaven’struth——hewillbedamned,won’the,Mrs。Huntingdon,ifhedoesn’tforgivehisbrother’strespasses?’