首页 >出版文学> TheTenant of Wildfell Hall>第19章
  `Well,Ishallbeneithercarelessnorweak。’
  `RememberPeter,Helen!Don’tboast,butwatch。Keepaguardoveryoureyesandearsastheinletsofyourheart,andoveryourlipsastheoutlet,lesttheybetrayyouinamomentofunwariness。Receive,coldlyanddispassionately,everyattention,tillyouhaveascertainedanddulyconsideredtheworthoftheaspirant;andletyouraffectionsbeconsequentuponapprobationalone。Firststudy;thenapprove;thenlove。
  letyoureyesbeblindtoallexternalattractions,yourearsdeaftoallthefascinationsofBatteryandlightdiscourse——Thesearenothing——andworsethannothing——snaresandwilesofthetempter,tolurethethoughtlesstotheirowndestruction。Principleisthefirstthing,afterall;andnexttothat,goodsense,respectability,andmoderatewealth。Ifyoushouldmarrythehandsomest,andmostaccomplishedandsuperficiallyagreeablemanintheworld,youlittleknowthemiserythatwouldoverwhelmyou,if,afterall,youshouldfindhimtobeaworthlessreprobate,orevenanimpracticablefool。’
  `Butwhatareallthepoorfoolsandreprobatestodo,aunt?Ifeverybodyfollowedyouradvicetheworldwouldsooncometoanend。’
  `Neverfear,mydear!themalefoolsandreprobateswillneverwantforpartnerswhiletherearesomanyoftheothersextomatchthem;
  butdoyoufollowmyadvice。Andthisisnosubjectforjesting,Helen;
  Iamsorrytoseeyoutreatthematterinthatlightway。Believeme,matrimonyisaseriousthing。’Andshespokeitsoseriouslythatonemighthavefanciedshehadknownittohercost;butIaskednomoreimpertinentquestions,andmerelyanswered,——
  `Iknowitis;andIknowthereistruthandsenseinwhatyousay;butyouneednotfearme,forInotonlyshouldthinkitwrongtomarryamanthatwasdeficientinsenseorinprinciple,butIshouldneverbetemptedtodoit;forIcouldnotlikehim,ifhewereeversohandsomeandeversocharminginotherrespects;Ishouldhatehim——despisehim——pityhim——anythingbutlovehim。Myaffectionsnotonlyoughttobefoundedonapprobation,buttheywillandmustbeso:forwithoutapprovingIcannotlove。ItisneedlesstosayIoughttobeabletorespectandhonourthemanImarryaswellaslovehim,forIcannotlovehimwithout。Sosetyourmindatrest。’
  `Ihopeitmaybeso,’answeredshe。
  `Iknowitisso,’persistedI。
  `Youhavenotbeentriedyet,Helen:wecallbuthope,’saidshe,inhercold,cautiousway。
  `Iwasvexedatherincredulity;butIamnotsureherdoubtswereentirelywithoutsagacity;IfearIhavefounditmucheasiertorememberheradvicethantoprofitbyit——Indeed,Ihavesometimesbeenledtoquestionthesoundnessofherdoctrinesonthosesubjects。Hercounselsmaybegood,asfarastheygo——inthemainpoints,atleast;——buttherearesomethingsshehasoverlookedinhercalculations。Iwonderifshewaseverinlove。
  Icommencedmycareer——ormyfirstcampaign,asmyunclecallsit——kindlingwithbrighthopesandfancies——chieflyraisedbythisconversation——andfullofconfidenceinmyowndiscretion。Atfirst,IwasdelightedwiththenoveltyandexcitementofourLondonlife;butsoon,Ibegantowearyofitsmingledturbulenceandconstraint,andsighforthefreshnessandfreedomofhome。Mynewacquaintances,bothmaleandfemale,disappointedmyexpectations,andvexedanddepressedmebyturns;forIsoongrewtiredofstudyingtheirpeculiarities,andlaughingattheirfoibles——particularlyasIwasobligedtokeepmycriticismstomyself,formyauntwouldnothearthem——andthey——theladiesespecially——appearedsoprovokinglymindless,andheartless,andartificial。Thegentlemenseemedbetter,butperhapsitwasbecauseIknewthemless,perhapsbecausetheyflatteredme;butIdidnotfallinlovewithanyofthem,andiftheirattentionspleasedmeonemoment,theyprovokedmethenext,becausetheyputmeoutofhumourwithmyself,byrevealingmyvanityandmakingmefearIwasbecominglikesomeoftheladiesIsoheartilydespised。
  Therewasoneelderlygentlemanthatannoyedmeverymuch;aricholdfriendofmyuncle’s,who,Ibelieve,thoughtIcouldnotdobetterthanmarryhim;but,besidesbeingold,hewasuglyanddisagreeable,——andwicked,Iamsure,thoughmyauntscoldedmeforsayingso;butsheallowedhewasnosaint。Andtherewasanother,lesshateful,butstillmoretiresome,becauseshefavouredhim,andwasalwaysthrustinghimuponme,andsonghispraisesinmyears,MrBoarham,byname,Bore’emasIpreferspellingit,foraterribleborehewas:Ishudderstill,attheremembranceofhisvoice,drone,drone,drone,inmyear,whilehesatbesideme,prosingawaybythehalf-hourtogether,andbeguilinghimselfwiththenotionthathewasimprovingmymindbyusefulinformation,orimpressinghisdogmasuponme,andreformingmyerrorsofjudgment,or,perhaps,thathewastalkingdowntomylevel,andamusingmewithentertainingdiscourse。Yethewasadecentmanenough,inthemain,Idaresay;andifhehadkepthisdistance,Ineverwouldhavehatedhim。Asitwas,itwasalmostimpossibletohelpit;forhenotonlybotheredmewiththeinflictionofhisownpresence,buthekeptmefromtheenjoymentofmoreagreeablesociety。
  Onenight,however,ataball,hehadbeenmorethanusuallytormenting,andmypatiencewasquiteexhausted——Itappearedasifthewholeeveningwasfatedtobeinsupportable:Ihadjusthadonedancewithanempty-headedcoxcomb,andthenMrBoarhamhadcomeuponme,andseemeddeterminedtoclingtomefortherestofthenight。Heneverdancedhimself,andtherehesat,pokinghisheadinmyface,andimpressingallbeholderswiththeideathathewasaconfirmed,acknowledgedlover;myauntlookingcomplacentlyon,allthetime,andwishinghimGod-speed。InvainIattemptedtodrivehimawaybygivingaloosetomyexasperatedfeelings,eventopositiverudeness:nothingcouldconvincehimthathispresencewasdisagreeable。
  Sullensilencewastakenforraptattention,andgavehimgreaterroomtotalk;sharpanswerswerereceivedassmartsalliesofgirlishvivacity,thatonlyrequiredanindulgentrebuke;andflatcontradictionswerebutasoiltotheflames,callingforthnewstrainsofargumenttosupporthisdogmas,andbringingdownuponmeendlessfloodsofreasoningtooverwhelmmewithconviction。
  Buttherewasonepresentwhoseemedtohaveabetterappreciationofmyframeofmind。Agentlemanstoodby,whohadbeenwatchingourconferenceforsometime,evidentlymuchamusedatmycompanion’sremorselesspertinacityandmymanifestannoyance,andlaughingtohimselfattheasperityanduncompromisingspiritofmyreplies。Atlength,however,hewithdrew,andwenttotheladyofthehouse,apparentlyforthepurposeofaskinganintroductiontome,for,shortlyafter,theybothcameup,andsheintroducedhimasMrHuntingdon,thesonofalatefriendofmyuncle’s。Heaskedmetodance。Igladlyconsented,ofcourse;andhewasmycompanionduringtheremainderofmystay,whichwasnotlong,formyaunt,asusual,insisteduponanearlydeparture。
  Iwassorrytogo,forIhadfoundmynewacquaintanceaverylivelyandentertainingcompanion。Therewasacertaingracefuleaseandfreedomaboutallhesaidanddid,thatgaveasenseofreposeandexpansiontothemind,aftersomuchconstraintandformalityasIhadbeendoomedtosuffer。Theremightbe,itistrue,alittletoomuchcarelessboldnessinhismannerandaddress,butIwasinsogoodahumour,andsogratefulformylatedeliverancefromMrBoarham,thatitdidnotangerme。
  `Well,Helen,howdoyoulikeMrBoarhamnow?’saidmyaunt,aswetookourseatsinthecarriageanddroveaway。
  `Worsethanever,’Ireplied。
  Shelookeddispleasedbutsaidnomoreonthatsubject。
  `Whowasthegentlemanyoudancedwithlast,’resumedshe,afterapause——`thatwassoofficiousinhelpingyouonwithyourshawl?’
  `Hewasnotofficiousatall,aunt:heneverattemptedtohelpme,tillhesawMrBoarhamcomingtodoso;andthenhesteppedlaughinglyforwardandsaid,“Come,I’llpreserveyoufromthatinfliction。”’
  `Whowasit,Iask?’saidshe,withfrigidgravity。
  `ItwasMrHuntingdon,thesonofuncle’soldfriend。’
  `IhaveheardyourunclespeakofyoungMrHuntingdon。I’veheardhimsay,“He’safinelad,thatyoungHuntingdon,butabitwildishIfancy。”
  SoI’dhaveyoubeware。’
  `Whatdoes“abitwildish“mean?’Ienquired。
  `Itmeansdestituteofprinciple,andpronetoeveryvicethatiscommontoyouth。’
  `ButI’veheardunclesayhewasasadwildfellowhimself,whenhewasyoung。’
  Shesternlyshookherhead。
  `Hewasjestingthen,Isuppose,’saidI,`andherehewasspeakingatrandom——atleast,Icannotbelievethereisanyharminthoselaughingblueeyes。’
  `Falsereasoning,Helen!’saidshe,withasigh。
  `Well,weoughttobecharitable,youknow,aunt——besides,Idon’tthinkitisfalse:Iamanexcellentphysiognomist,andIalwaysjudgeofpeople’scharactersbytheirlooks——notbywhethertheyarehandsomeorugly,butbythegeneralcastofthecountenance。Forinstance,Ishouldknowbyyourcountenancethatyouwerenotofacheerful,sanguinedisposition;
  andIshouldknowbyMrWilmot’sthathewasaworthlessoldreprobate,andbyMrBoarham’sthathewasnotanagreeablecompanion,andbyMrHuntingdon’sthathewasneitherafoolnoraknave,though,possibly,neitherasagenorasaint——butthatisnomattertome,asIamnotlikelytomeethimagain——unlessasanoccasionalpartnerintheballroom。
  Itwasnotso,however,forImethimagainnextmorning。Hecametocalluponmyuncle,apologizingfornothavingdonesobefore,bysayinghewasonlylatelyreturnedfromthecontinent,andhadnotheard,tillthepreviousnight,ofmyuncle’sarrivalintown;andafterthat,Ioftenmethim;sometimesinpublic,sometimesathome;forhewasveryassiduousinpayinghisrespectstohisoldfriend,whodidnot,however,considerhimselfgreatlyobligedbytheattention。
  `Iwonderwhatthedeucetheladmeansbycomingsooften,’hewouldsay,——`canyoutell,Helen?——Hey?Hewantsnoneo’mycompany,norIhis——that’scertain。’
  `Iwishyou’dtellhimso,then,’saidmyaunt。
  Why,whatfor?IfIdon’twanthim,somebodydoesmayhapwinkingatme。Besides,he’saprettytidyfortune,Peggy,youknow——notsuchacatchasWilmot,butthenHelenwon’thearofthatmatch;for,somehow,theseoldchapsdon’tgodownwiththegirls——withalltheirmoney——andtheirexperiencetoboot。I’llbetanythingshe’dratherhavethisyoungfellowwithoutapenny,thanWilmotwithhishousefullofgold——Wouldn’tyou,Nell?’
  `Yes,uncle;butthat’snotsayingmuchforMrHuntingdon,forI’dratherbeanoldmaidandapauper,thanMrsWilmot。’
  `AndMrsHuntingdon?batwouldyouratherbethanMrsHuntingdon?
  eh?’
  `I’lltellyouwhenI’veconsideredthematter。’
  `Ah!itneedsconsiderationthen——Butcomenow——wouldyouratherbeanoldmaid——letalonethepauper?’
  `Ican’ttelltillI’masked。’
  AndIlefttheroomimmediately,toescapefurtherexamination。
  Butfiveminutesafter,inlookingfrommywindow,IbeheldMrBoarhamcominguptothedoor。Iwaitednearlyhalfanhourinuncomfortablesuspense,expectingeveryminutetobecalled,andvainlylongingtohearhimgo。
  Then,footstepswereheardonthestairs,andmyauntenteredtheroomwithasolemncountenance,andclosedthedoorbehindher。
  `HereisMrBoarham,Helen,’saidshe。`Hewishestoseeyou。’
  `Oh,aunt!Can’tyoutellhimI’mindisposed?——I’msureIam——toseehim。’
  `Nonsense,mydear!thisisnotriflingmatter。Heiscomeonaveryimportanterrand——toaskyourhandinmarriage,ofyouruncleandme。’
  `Ihopemyuncleandyoutoldhimitwasnotinyourpowertogiveit。Whatrighthadhetoaskanyonebeforeme?’
  `Helen!’
  `Whatdidmyunclesay?’
  `Hesaidhewouldnotinterfereinthematter;ifyoulikedtoacceptMrBoarham’sobligingoffer,you——’
  `Didhesayobligingoffer?’
  `No;hesaidifyoulikedtotakehimyoumight;andifnot,youmightpleaseyourself。’
  `Hesaidright;andwhatdidyousay?’
  `ItisnomatterwhatIsaid。Whatwillyousay?——thatisthequestion。Heisnowwaitingtoaskyouhimself;butconsiderwellbeforeyougo;andifyouintendtorefusehim,givemeyourreasons。’
  `Ishallrefusehim,ofcourse,butyoumusttellmehow,forIwanttobecivilandyetdecided——andwhenI’vegotridofhim,I’llgiveyoumyreasonsafterwards。’