Tê；te-à；-Tê；teandaDiscoveryInlittlemorethantwentyminutes，thejourneywasaccomplished。Ipausedatthegatetowipemystreamingforehead，andrecovermybreathandsomedegreeofcomposure。Alreadytherapidwalkinghadsomewhatmitigatedmyexcitement；andwithafirmandsteadytread，Ipacedthegardenwalk。
　　Inpassingtheinhabitedwingofthebuilding，IcaughtasightofMrsGrahamthroughtheopenwindow，slowlypacingupanddownherlonelyroom。
　　Sheseemedagitated，andevendismayed，atmyarrival，asifshethoughtItoowascomingtoaccuseher。Ihadenteredherpresenceintendingtocondolewithheruponthewickednessoftheworld，andhelphertoabusethevicarandhisvileinformants，butnowIfeltpositivelyashamedtomentionthesubject，anddeterminednottorefertoit，unlesssheledtheway。
　　`Iamcomeatanunseasonablehour，’saidI，assumingacheerfulnessIdidnotfeel，inordertoreassureher；`butIwon’tstaymanyminutes。’
　　Shesmileduponme，faintlyitistrue，butmostkindly——Ihadalmostsaidthankfully，asherapprehensionswereremoved。
　　`Howdismalyouare，Helen！Whyhaveyounofire？’Isaid，lookingroundonthegloomyapartment。
　　`Itissummeryet，’shereplied。
　　`Butwealwayshaveafireintheevenings——ifwecanbearit；——andyou，especially，requireoneinthiscoldhouseanddrearyroom。
　　`Youshouldhavecomealittlesooner，andIwouldhavehadonelightedforyou；butitisnotworthwhilenow——youwon’tstaymanyminutes，yousay，andArthurisgonetobed。’
　　`ButIhaveafancyforafire，nevertheless。Willyouorderone，ifIring？’
　　`WhyGilbert，youdon’tlookcold！’saidshe，smilinglyregardingmyface，whichnodoubtseemedwarmenough。
　　`No，’repliedI，`butIwanttoseeyoucomfortablebeforeIgo。’
　　`Mecomfortable！’repeatedshe，withabitterlaugh，asifthereweresomethingamusinglyabsurdintheidea。`Itsuitsmebetterasitis，’sheadded，inatoneofmournfulresignation。
　　Butdeterminedtohavemyownway，Ipulledthebell。
　　`Therenow，Helen！’Isaid，astheapproachingstepsofRachelwereheardinanswertothesummons。Therewasnothingforitbuttoturnroundanddesirethemaidtolightthefire。
　　IoweRachelagrudgetothisdayforthelookshecastuponmeereshedepartedonhermission——thesour，suspicious，inquisitoriallookthatplainlydemanded，`Whatareyouherefor，Iwonder？’Hermistressdidnotfailtonoticeit，andashadeofuneasinessdarkenedherbrow。
　　`Youmustnotstaylong，Gilbert，’saidshe，whenthedoorwascloseduponus。
　　`I’mnotgoingto，’saidI，somewhattestily，thoughwithoutagrainofangerinmyheartagainstanyonebutthemeddlingoldwoman。`ButHelen，I’vesomethingtosaytoyoubeforeIgo。’
　　`Whatisit？’
　　`No，notnow——Idon’tknowyetpreciselywhatitis——orhowtosayit，’repliedI，withmoretruththanwisdom；andthen，fearinglestsheshouldturnmeoutofthehouse，Ibegantalkingaboutindifferentmattersinordertogaintime。MeanwhileRachelcameintokindlethefire，whichwassooneffectedbythrustingared-hotpokerbetweenthebarsofthegrate，wherethefuelwasalreadydisposedforignition。Shehonouredmewithanotherofherhard，inhospitablelooksindeparting，but，littlemovedthereby，Iwentontalking；andsettingachairforMrsGrahamononesideofthehearthandoneformyselfontheother，Iventuredtositdown，thoughhalfsuspectingshewouldratherseemego。
　　Inalittlewhilewebothrelapsedintosilence，andcontinuedforseveralminutesgazingabstractedlyintothefire——sheintentuponherownsadthoughts，andIreflectinghowdelightfulitwouldbetobeseatedthusbesideherwithnootherpresencetorestrainourintercourse——noteventhatofArthur，ourmutualfriend，withoutwhomwehadnevermetbefore——ifonlyIcouldventuretospeakmymind，anddisburdenmyfullheartofthefeelingsthathadsolongoppressedit，andwitchitnowstruggledtoretain，withaneffortthatitseemedimpossibletocontinuemuchlonger，——andrevolvingtheprosandconsforopeningmyhearttoherthereandthen，andimploringareturnofaffection，thepermissiontoregardherthenceforthasmyown，andtherightandthepowertodefendherfromthecalumniesofmalicioustongues。Ontheonehand，Ifeltanew-bornconfidenceinmypowersofpersuasion——astrongconvictionthatmyownfervourofspiritwouldgrantmeeloquence——thatmyverydetermination——theabsolutenecessityforsucceedingthatIfelt——mustwinmewhatIsought；whileontheother，IfearedtolosethegroundIhadalreadygainedwithsomuchtoilandskill，anddestroyallfuturehopebyonerasheffort，whentimeandpatiencemighthavewonsuccess。Itwaslikesettingmylifeuponthecastofadie；andyetIwasreadytoresolveupontheattempt。AtanyrateIwouldentreattheexplanationshehadhalfpromisedtogivemebefore：Iwoulddemandthereasonofthishatefulbarrier，thismysteriousimpedimenttomyhappinessand，asItrusted，toherown。
　　ButwhileIconsideredinwhatmannerIcouldbestframemyrequest，mycompanionwakenedfromherreveriewithascarcelyaudiblesigh，andlookingtowardsthewindowwheretheblood-redharvestmoon，justrisingoveroneofthegrim，fantasticever-greens，wasshininginuponus，said，——
　　`Gilbert，itisgettinglate。’
　　`Isee，’saidI。`Youwantmetogo，Isuppose。’
　　`Ithinkyouought。Ifmykindneighboursgettoknowofthisvisit——asnodoubttheywill——theywillnotturnitmuchtomyadvantage’
　　Itwaswithwhatthevicarwoulddoubtlesshavecalledasavagesortofasmilethatshesaidthis。
　　`Letthemturnitastheywill，’saidI。`Whataretheirthoughtstoyouorme，solongaswearesatisfiedwithourselves——andeachother。
　　Letthemgotothedeucewiththeirvileconstructionsandtheirlyinginventions！’
　　Thisoutburstbroughtaflushofcolourtoherface。
　　`Youhaveheard，then，whattheysayofme？’
　　`Iheardsomedetestablefalsehoods；butnonebutfoolswouldcreditthemforamoment，Helen，sodon’tletthemtroubleyou。’
　　`IdidnotthinkMrMillwardafool，andhebelievesitall；buthoweverlittleyoumayvaluetheopinionsofthoseaboutyou——howeverlittleyoumayesteemthemasindividuals，itisnotpleasanttobelookeduponasaliarandahypocrite，tobethoughttopracticewhatyouabhor，andtoencouragethevicesyouwoulddiscountenance，tofindyourgoodintentionsfrustrated，andyourhandscrippledbyyoursupposedunworthiness，andtobringdisgraceontheprinciplesyouprofess。’
　　`True；andifI，bymythoughtlessnessandselfishdisregardtoappearances，haveatallassistedtoexposeyoutotheseevils，letmeentreatyounotonlytopardonme，buttoenablemetomakereparation；
　　authorizemetoclearyournamefromeveryimputation：givemetherighttoidentifyyourhonourwithmyown，andtodefendyourreputationasmorepreciousthanmylife！’
　　`Areyouheroenoughtouniteyourselftoonewhomyouknowtobesuspectedanddespisedbyallaroundyou，andidentifyyourinterestsandyourhonourwithhers？Think！itisaseriousthing。’
　　`Ishouldbeproudtodoit，Helen！——mosthappy——delightedbeyondexpression！——andifthatbealltheobstacletoourunion，itisdemolished，andyoumust——youshallbemine！’
　　Andstartingfrommyseatinafrenzyofardour，Iseizedherhandandwouldhavepressedittomylips，butsheassuddenlycaughtitaway，exclaiminginthebitternessofintenseaffliction：——
　　`No，no，itisnotall！’
　　`Whatisitthen？YoupromisedIshouldknowsometime，and——
　　`Youshallknowsometime——butnotnow——myheadachesterribly，’
　　shesaid，pressingherhandtoherforehead，`andImusthavesomerepose——andsurely，Ihavehadmiseryenoughtoday！’sheadded，almostwildly。
　　`Butitcouldnotharmyoutotellit，’Ipersisted：`itwouldeaseyourmind；andIshouldthenknowhowtocomfortyou。’
　　Sheshookherheaddespondingly。`Ifyouknewall，you，too，wouldblameme——perhapsevenmorethanIdeserve——thoughIhavecruellywrongedyou，’sheaddedinalowmurmur，asifshemusedaloud。
　　`You，Helen？Impossible！’
　　`Yes，notwillingly；forIdidnotknowthestrengthanddepthofyourattachment——Ithought——atleastIendeavouredtothinkyourregardformewasascoldandfraternalasyouprofessedittobe。’
　　`Orasyours？’
　　`Orasmine——oughttohavebeen——ofsuchalightandselfish，superficialnaturethat——`’
　　`There，indeed，youwrongedme。’
　　`IknowIdid；andsometimes，Isuspecteditthen；butIthought，uponthewhole，therecouldbenogreatharminleavingyourfanciesandyourhopestodreamthemselvestonothing——orflutterawaytosomemorefittingobject，whileyourfriendlysympathiesremainedwithme；butifIhadknownthedepthofyourregard，thegenerousdisinterestedaffectionyouseemtofeel——`’
　　`Seem，Helen？’
　　`Thatyoudofeel，then，Iwouldhaveacteddifferently。’
　　`How？Youcouldnothavegivenmelessencouragement，ortreatedmewithgreaterseveritythanyoudid！Andifyouthinkyouhavewrongedmebygivingmeyourfriendship，andoccasionallyadmittingmetotheenjoymentofyourcompanyandconversation，whenallhopesofcloserintimacywerevain——asindeedyoualwaysgavemetounderstand——ifyouthinkyouhavewrongedmebythis，youaremistaken；forsuchfavours，inthemselvesalone，arenotonlydelightfultomyheart，butpurifying，exalting，ennoblingtomysoul；andIwouldratherhaveyourfriendshipthantheloveofanyotherwomanintheworld！’
　　Littlecomfortedbythis，sheclaspedherhandsuponherknee，andglancingupward，seemed，insilentanguish，toimploredivineassistance；
　　thenturningtome，shecalmlysaid——
　　`To-morrow，ifyoumeetmeonthemooraboutmidday，Iwilltellyouallyouseektoknow；andperhapsyouwillthenseethenecessityofdiscontinuingourintimacy——if，indeed，youdonotwillinglyresignmeasonenolongerworthyofregard。’
　　`Icansafelyanswerno，tothat：youcannothavesuchgraveconfessionstomake——youmustbetryingmyfaith，Helen。’
　　`No，no，no，’sheearnestlyrepeated——`Iwishitwereso！ThankHeaven，’sheadded，`Ihavenogreatcrimetoconfess；butIhavemorethanyouwillliketohear，or，perhaps，canreadilyexcuse，——andmorethanIcantellyounow；soletmeentreatyou，toleaveme！’
　　`Iwill；butanswermethisonequestionfirst；——doyouloveme？’
　　`Iwillnotanswerit’
　　`ThenIwillconcludeyoudo；andsogoodnight。’
　　Sheturnedfrommetohidetheemotionshecouldnotquitecontrol；
　　butItookherhandandferventlykissedit。
　　`Gilbert，doleaveme！’shecried，inatoneofsuchthrillinganguishthatIfeltitwouldbecrueltodisobey。ButIgaveonelookbackbeforeIclosedthedoor，andsawherleaningforwardonthetable，withherhandspressedagainsthereyes，sobbingconvulsively；yetIwithdrewinsilence。Ifeltthattoobtrudemyconsolationsonherthenwouldonlyservetoaggravatehersufferings。
　　Totellyouallthequestioningsandconjectures——thefears，andhopes，andwildemotionsthatjostledandchasedeachotherthroughmymindasIdescendedthehill，wouldalmostfillavolumeinitself。ButbeforeIwashalf-waydownasentimentofstrongsympathyforherIhadleftbehindmehaddisplacedallotherfeelings，andseemedimperativelytodrawmeback：Ibegantothink，`WhyamIhurryingsofastinthisdirection？
　　CanIfindcomfortorconsolation——peace，certainty，contentment，all——oranythingthatIwantathome？andcanIleaveallperturbation，sorrowandanxietybehindmethere？’