首页 >出版文学> The Works of Rudyard Kipling One>第21章
  Keith-WessingtonIpulledup,looked,rubbedmyeyes,and,I
  believemusthavesaidsomethingThenextthingIknewwasthatIwaslyingfacedownwardontheroadwithKittykneelingabovemeintears。
  “Hasitgone,childI“IgaspedKittyonlyweptmorebitterly。
  “Haswhatgone,Jackdear?whatdoesitallmean?Theremustbeamistakesomewhere,JackAhideousmistake。”Herlastwordsbroughtmetomyfeet-mad-ravingforthetimebeing。
  “Yes,thereisamistakesomewhere。”Irepeated,“ahideousmistakeComeandlookatIt。”
  IhaveanindistinctideathatIdraggedKittybythewristalongtheroaduptowhereItstood,andimploredherforpity’ssaketospeaktoIt;totellItthatwewerebetrothed;thatneitherDeathnorHellcouldbreakthetiebetweenus;andKittyonlyknowshowmuchmoretothesameeffectNowandagainIappealedpassionatelytotheTerrorinthe’rickshawtobearwitnesstoallIhadsaid,andtoreleasemefromatorturethatwaskillingmeAsItalkedIsupposeImusthavetoldKittyofmyoldrelationswithMrsWessington,forIsawherlistenintentlywithwhitefaceandblazingeyes。
  “Thankyou,MrPansay。”shesaid,“that’squiteenoughSyceghoralao。”
  Thesyces,impassiveasOrientalsalwaysare,hadcomeupwiththerecapturedhorses;andasKittysprangintohersaddleIcaughtholdofthebridle,entreatinghertohearmeoutandforgiveMyanswerwasthecutofherriding-whipacrossmyfacefrommouthtoeye,andawordortwooffarewellthatevennowIcannotwritedownSoIjudged,andjudgedrightly,thatKittyknewall;andI
  staggeredbacktothesideofthe’rickshawMyfacewascutandbleeding,andtheblowoftheriding-whiphadraisedalividbluewhealonitIhadnoself-respectJustthen,Heatherlegh,whomusthavebeenfollowingKittyandmeatadistance,canteredup。
  “Doctor。”Isaid,pointingtomyface,“here’sMissMannering’ssignaturetomyorderofdismissalandI’llthankyouforthatlakhassoonasconvenient。”
  Heatherlegh’sface,eveninmyabjectmisery,movedmetolaughter。
  “I’llstakemyprofessionalreputation“-
  hebegan“Don’tbeafool。”Iwhispered“I’velostmylife’shappinessandyou’dbettertakemehome。”
  AsIspokethe’rickshawwasgoneThenIlostallknowledgeofwhatwaspassingThecrestofJakkoseemedtoheaveandrolllikethecrestofacloudandfallinuponme。
  Sevendayslateronthe7thofMay,thatistosayIwasawarethatIwaslyinginHeatherlegh’sroomasweakasalittlechild。
  Heatherleghwaswatchingmeintentlyfrombehindthepapersonhiswriting-tableHisfirstwordswerenotencouraging;butIwastoofarspenttobemuchmovedbythem。
  “Here’sMissKittyhassentbackyourlettersYoucorrespondedagooddeal,youyoungpeopleHere’sapacketthatlookslikearing,andacheerfulsortofanotefromManneringPapa,whichI’vetakenthelibertyofreadingandburningTheoldgentleman’snotpleasedwithyou。”
  “AndKitty?”Iasked,dully。
  “RathermoredrawnthanherfatherfromwhatshesaysBythesametokenyoumusthavebeenlettingoutanynumberofqueerreminiscencesjustbeforeImetyou’SaysthatamanwhowouldhavebehavedtoawomanasyoudidtoMrsWessingtonoughttokillhimselfoutofsheerpityforhiskindShe’sahot-headedlittlevirago,yourmash’WillhaveittoothatyouweresufferingfromDTwhenthatrowontheJakkoroadturnedup’Saysshe’lldiebeforesheeverspeakstoyouagain。”
  Igroanedandturnedovertotheotherside。
  “Nowyou’vegotyourchoice,myfriendThisengagementhastobebrokenoff;andtheManneringsdon’twanttobetoohardonyouWasitbrokenthroughDTorepilepticfits?SorryIcan’tofferyouabetterexchangeunlessyou’dpreferhereditaryinsanity。
  SaythewordandI’lltell’emit~sfitsAllSimlaknowsaboutthatsceneontheLadies’MileCome!I’llgiveyoufiveminutestothinkoverit。”
  DuringthosefiveminutesIbelievethatIexploredthoroughlythelowestcirclesoftheInfernowhichitispermittedmantotreadonearthAndatthesametimeImyselfwaswatchingmyselffalteringthroughthedarklabyrinthsofdoubt,misery,andutterdespairI
  wondered,asHeatherleghinhischairmighthavewondered,whichdreadfulalternativeIshouldadoptPresentlyIheardmyselfansweringinavoicethatIhardlyrecognized,-“They’reconfoundedlyparticularaboutmoralityinthesepartsGive’emfits,Heatherlegh,andmyloveNowletmesleepabitlonger。”
  Thenmytwoselvesjoined,anditwasonlyIhalfcrazed,devil-drivenIthattossedinmybed,tracingstepbystepthehistoryofthepastmonth。
  “ButIaminSimla。”Ikeptrepeatingtomyself“I,JackPansay,aminSimlaandtherearenoghostshereIt’sunreasonableofthatwomantopretendthereareWhycouldn’tAgneshaveleftmealone?IneverdidheranyharmItmightjustaswellhavebeenmeasAgnesOnlyI’dneverhavecomehackonpurposetokillherWhycan’tIbeleftalone-leftaloneandhappy?”
  ItwashighnoonwhenIfirstawoke:
  andthesunwaslowintheskybeforeIslept-sleptasthetorturedcriminalsleepsonhisrack,tooworntofeelfurtherpain。
  NextdayIcouldnotleavemybedHeatherleghtoldmeinthemorningthathehadreceivedananswerfromMrMannering,andthat,thankstohisHeatherlegh’sfriendlyoffices,thestoryofmyafflictionhadtraveledthroughthelengthandbreadthofSimla,whereIwasonallsidesmuchpitied。
  “Andthat’srathermorethanyoudeserve,’heconcluded,pleasantly,“thoughtheLordknowsyou’vebeengoingthroughaprettyseveremillNevermind;we’llcureyouyet,youperversephenomenon。”
  Ideclinedfirmlytobecured“You’vebeenmuchtoogoodtomealready,oldman。”saidI;“butIdon’tthinkIneedtroubleyoufurther。”
  InmyheartIknewthatnothingHeatherleghcoulddowouldlightentheburdenthathadbeenlaiduponme。
  Withthatknowledgecamealsoasenseofhopeless,impotentrebellionagainsttheunreasonablenessofitallTherewerescoresofmennobetterthanIwhosepunishmentshadatleastbeenreservedforanotherworld;andIfeltthatitwasbitterly,cruellyunfairthatIaloneshouldhavebeensingledoutforsohideousafateThismoodwouldintimegiveplacetoanotherwhereitseemedthatthe’rickshawandIweretheonlyrealitiesinaworldofshadows;thatKittywasaghost;thatMannering,Heatherlegh,andalltheothermenandwomenIknewwereallghosts;andthegreat,greyhillsthemselvesbutvainshadowsdevisedtotorturemeFrommoodtomoodItossedbackwardandforwardforsevenwearydays;mybodygrowingdailystrongerandstrong-er,untilthebedroomlooking-glasstoldmethatIhadreturnedtoeverydaylife,andwasasothermenoncemoreCuriouslyenoughmyfaceshowednosignsofthestruggleIhadgonethroughItwaspaleindeed,butasexpression-lessandcommonplaceaseverIhadexpectedsomepermanentalteration-visibleevidenceofthediseasethatwaseatingmeawayIfoundnothing。
  Onthe15thofMay,IleftHeatherlegh’shouseateleveno’clockinthemorning;andtheinstinctofthebachelordrovemetotheClub。
  ThereIfoundthateverymanknewmystoryastoldbyHeatherlegh,andwas,inclumsyfashion,abnormallykindandattentiveNeverthelessIrecognizedthatfortherestofmynaturallifeIshouldbeamongbutnotofmyfellows;andIenviedverybitterlyindeedthelaughingcooliesontheMallbelowIlunchedattheClub,andatfouro’clockwanderedaimlesslydowntheMallinthevaguehopeofmeetingKittyClosetotheBand-standtheblackandwhiteliveriesjoinedme;andIheardMrsWessington’soldappealatmysideIhadbeenexpectingthiseversinceIcameout;andwasonlysurprisedatherdelayThephantom’rickshawandIwentsidebysidealongtheChotaSimlaroadinsilence。
  Closetothebazar,KittyandamanonhorsebackovertookandpassedusForanysignshegaveImighthavebeenadogintheroadShedidnotevenpaymethecomplimentofquickeningherpace;thoughtherainyafternoonhadservedforanexcuse。
  SoKittyandhercompanion,andIandmyghostlyLight-o’-Love,creptroundJakkoincouplesTheroadwasstreamingwithwater;
  thepinesdrippedlikeroof-pipesontherocksbelow,andtheairwasfulloffine,drivingrainTwoorthreetimesIfoundmyselfsayingtomyselfalmostaloud:“I’mJackPan-sayonleaveatSimla~atSimla!Everyday,ordinarySimlaImustn’tforgetthat-I
  mustn’tforgetthat。”ThenIwouldtrytorecollectsomeofthegossipIhadheardattheClub:thepricesofSo-and-So’shorses-anything,infact,thatrelatedtotheworkadayAnglo-IndianworldIknewsowellIevenrepeatedthemultiplication-tablerapidlytomyself,tomakequitesurethatIwasnottakingleaveofmysensesItgavememuchcomfort;andmusthavepreventedmyhearingMrsWessingtonforatime。
  OncemoreIwearilyclimbedtheConventslopeandenteredthel~
  velroadHereKittyandthemanstartedoffatacanter,andIwasleftalonewithMrsWessington“Agnes。”saidI,“willyouputbackyourhoodandtellmewhatitallmeans?”Thehooddroppednoiselessly,andIwasfacetofacewithmydeadandburiedmistressShewaswearingthedressinwhichIhadlastseenheralive;carriedthesametinyhandkerchiefinherrighthand;andthesamecardcaseinherleftAwomaneightmonthsdeadwithacardcase!Ihadtopinmyselfdowntothemultiplication-table,andtosetbothhandsonthestoneparapetoftheroad,toassuremyselfthatthatatleastwasreal。
  “Agnes。”Irepeated,“forpity’ssaketellmewhatitallmeans。”
  MrsWessingtonleanedforward,withthatodd,quickturnoftheheadIusedtoknowsowell,andspoke。
  IfmystoryhadnotalreadysomadlyoverleapedthehoundsofallhumanbeliefIshouldapologizetoyounowAsIknowthatnoone-no,notevenKitty,forwhomitiswrittenassomesortofjustificationofmyconduct-willbelieveme,IwillgoonMrs。
  WessingtonspokeandIwalkedwithherfromtheSanjowlieroadtotheturningbelowtheCommander-in-Chief’shouseasImightwalkbythesideofanylivingwoman’s’rickshaw,deepinconversationThesecondandmosttormentingofmymoodsofsicknesshadsuddenlylaidholduponme,andlikethePrinceinTennyson’spoem,“Iseemedtomoveamidaworldofghosts。”
  Therehadbeenagarden-partyattheCommander-in-Chief’s,andwetwojoinedthecrowdofhomeward-houndfolkAsIsawthemthenitseemedthattheyweretheshadows-impalpable,fantasticshadows-thatdividedforMrsWessington’s’rickshawtopassthroughWhatwesaidduringthecourseofthatweirdinterviewI
  cannot-indeed,Idarenot-tellHeatherlegh’scommentwouldhavebeenashortlaughandaremarkthatIhadbeen“mashingabrain-eye-and-stomachchimera。”ItwasaghastlyandyetinsomeindefinablewayamarvelouslydearexperienceCoulditbepossible,Iwondered,thatIwasinthislifetowooasecondtimethewomanIhadkilledbymyownneglectandcruelty?
  ImetKittyonthehomewardroad-ashadowamongshadows。
  IfIweretodescribealltheincidentsofthenextfortnightintheirorder,mystorywouldnevercometoanend;andyourpatiencewouldheexhaustedMorningaftermorningandeveningaftereveningtheghostly’rickshawandIusedtowanderthroughSimlatogetherWhereverIwenttherethefourblackandwhiteliveriesfollowedmeandboremecompanytoandfrommyhotelAttheTheatreIfoundthemamidthecrowdoryellingjhampanies;
  outsidetheClubveranda,afteralongeveningofwhist;attheBirthdayBall,waitingpatientlyformyreappearance;andinbroaddaylightwhenIwentcallingSavethatitcastnoshadow,the’rickshawwasineveryrespectasrealtolookuponasoneofwoodandironMorethanonce,indeed,Ihavehadtocheckmyselffrontwarningsomehard-ridingfriendagainstcanteringoveritMorethanonceIhavewalkeddowntheMalldeepinconversationwithMrsWessingtontotheunspeakableamazementofthepassers-by。
  BeforeIhadbeenoutandaboutaweekIlearnedthatthe“fit“
  theoryhadbeendiscardedinfavorofinsanityHowever,ImadenochangeinmymodeoflifeIcalled,rode,anddinedoutasfreelyaseverIhadapassionforthesocietyofmykindwhichI
  hadneverfeltbefore;Ihungeredtobeamongtherealitiesoflife;
  andatthesametimeIfeltvaguelyunhappywhenIhadbeenseparatedtoolongfrommyghostlycompanionItwouldbealmostimpossibletodescribemyvaryingmoodsfromthe15thofMayuptoto-day。
  Thepresenceofthe’rickshawfilledmebyturnswithhorror,blindfear,adimsortofpleasure,andutterdespairIdarednotleaveSimla;andIknewthatmystaytherewaskillingmeIknew,moreover,thatitwasmydestinytodieslowlyandalittleeverydayMyonlyanxietywastogetthepenanceoverasquietlyasmightbeAlternatelyIhungeredforasightofKittyandwatchedheroutrageousflirtationswithmysuccessor-tospeakmoreaccurately,mysuccessors-withamusedinterestShewasasmuchoutofmylifeasIwasoutofhersBydayIwanderedwithMrs。
  WessingtonalmostcontentBynightIimploredHeaventoletmereturntotheworldasIusedtoknowitAboveallthesevaryingmoodslaythesensationofdull,numbingwonderthattheSeenandtheUnseenshouldminglesostrangelyonthisearthtohoundonepoorsoultoitsgrave。