ITwasachillyNovemberafternoon。Ihadjustconsummatedanunusuallyheartydinner，ofwhichthedyspeptic_truffe_formednottheleastimportantitem，andwassittingaloneinthedining-room，withmyfeetuponthefender，andatmyelbowasmalltablewhichI
　　hadrolleduptothefire，anduponwhichweresomeapologiesfordessert，withsomemiscellaneousbottlesofwine，spiritand_liqueur_。InthemorningIhadbeenreadingGlover’s“Leonidas。”
　　Wilkie’s“Epigoniad。”Lamartine’s“Pilgrimage。”Barlow’s“Columbiad。”
　　Tuckermann’s“Sicily。”andGriswold’s“Curiosities“；Iamwillingtoconfess，therefore，thatInowfeltalittlestupid。ImadeefforttoarousemyselfbyaidoffrequentLafitte，and，allfailing，Ibetookmyselftoastraynewspaperindespair。Havingcarefullyperusedthecolumnof“housestolet。”andthecolumnof“dogslost。”
　　andthenthetwocolumnsof“wivesandapprenticesrunaway。”I
　　attackedwithgreatresolutiontheeditorialmatter，and，readingitfrombeginningtoendwithoutunderstandingasyllable，conceivedthepossibilityofitsbeingChinese，andsore-readitfromtheendtothebeginning，butwithnomoresatisfactoryresult。Iwasaboutthrowingaway，indisgust，“Thisfoliooffourpages，happyworkWhichnotevencriticscriticise。”
　　whenIfeltmyattentionsomewhatarousedbytheparagraphwhichfollows：
　　“Theavenuestodeatharenumerousandstrange。ALondonpapermentionsthedeceaseofapersonfromasingularcause。Hewasplayingat’puffthedart，’whichisplayedwithalongneedleinsertedinsomeworsted，andblownatatargetthroughatintube。
　　Heplacedtheneedleatthewrongendofthetube，anddrawinghisbreathstronglytopuffthedartforwardwithforce，drewtheneedleintohisthroat。Itenteredthelungs，andinafewdayskilledhim。”
　　UponseeingthisIfellintoagreatrage，withoutexactlyknowingwhy。“Thisthing。”Iexclaimed，“isacontemptiblefalsehood-apoorhoax-theleesoftheinventionofsomepitiablepenny-a-liner-ofsomewretchedconcoctorofaccidentsinCocaigne。
　　Thesefellows，knowingtheextravagantgullibilityoftheage，settheirwitstoworkintheimaginationofimprobablepossibilities-
　　ofoddaccidents，astheytermthem；buttoareflectingintellectlikemine。”Iadded，inparenthesis，puttingmyforefingerunconsciouslytothesideofmynose，“toacontemplativeunderstandingsuchasImyselfpossess，itseemsevidentatoncethatthemarvelousincreaseoflateinthese’oddaccidents’isbyfartheoddestaccidentofall。Formyownpart，Iintendtobelievenothinghenceforwardthathasanythingofthe’singular’aboutit。”
　　“MeinGott，den，vatavoolyoubeesfordat！”repliedoneofthemostremarkablevoicesIeverheard。AtfirstItookitforarumblinginmyears-suchasamansometimesexperienceswhengettingverydrunk-but，uponsecondthought，Iconsideredthesoundasmorenearlyresemblingthatwhichproceedsfromanemptybarrelbeatenwithabigstick；and，infact，thisIshouldhaveconcludedittobe，butforthearticulationofthesyllablesandwords。Iambynomeansnaturallynervous，andtheveryfewglassesofLafittewhichIhadsippedservedtoemboldenmenolittle，sothatIfeltnothingoftrepidation，butmerelyupliftedmyeyeswithaleisurelymovement，andlookedcarefullyaroundtheroomfortheintruder。I
　　couldnot，however，perceiveanyoneatall。
　　“Humph！”resumedthevoice，asIcontinuedmysurvey，“youmuspesodronkasdepig，den，fornotzeemeasIzithereatyourzide。”
　　HereuponIbethoughtmeoflookingimmediatelybeforemynose，andthere，sureenough，confrontingmeatthetablesatapersonagenondescript，althoughnotaltogetherindescribable。Hisbodywasawine-pipe，orarum-puncheon，orsomethingofthatcharacter，andhadatrulyFalstaffianair。Initsnetherextremitywereinsertedtwokegs，whichseemedtoanswerallthepurposesoflegs。Forarmstheredangledfromtheupperportionofthecarcasstwotolerablylongbottles，withthenecksoutwardforhands。AlltheheadthatI
　　sawthemonsterpossessedofwasoneofthoseHessiancanteenswhichresemblealargesnuff-boxwithaholeinthemiddleofthelid。
　　Thiscanteenwithafunnelonitstop，likeacavaliercapslouchedovertheeyeswassetonedgeuponthepuncheon，withtheholetowardmyself；andthroughthishole，whichseemedpuckereduplikethemouthofaverypreciseoldmaid，thecreaturewasemittingcertainrumblingandgrumblingnoiseswhichheevidentlyintendedforintelligibletalk。
　　“Izay。”saidhe，“youmospedronkasdepig，vorzitdareandnotzeemezitere；andIzay，doo，youmospepiggervoolasdegoose，vortodispeliefvatizprintindeprint。’Tizdetroof-
　　datitiz-eberryvordobit。”
　　“Whoareyou，pray？”saidI，withmuchdignity，althoughsomewhatpuzzled；“howdidyougethere？andwhatisityouaretalkingabout？”
　　“AzvorowIcom’dere。”repliedthefigure，“datiznoneofyourpizzness；andasvorvatIbetalkingapout，IbetalkapoutvatI
　　tinkproper；andasvorwhoIbe，vydatisdeverytingIcom’dherefortoletyouzeeforyourzelf。”
　　“Youareadrunkenvagabond。”saidI，“andIshallringthebellandordermyfootmantokickyouintothestreet。”
　　“He！he！he！”saidthefellow，“hu！hu！hu！datyoucan’tdo。”
　　“Can’tdo！”saidI，“whatdoyoumean？-Ican’tdowhat？”
　　“Ringdepell；“hereplied，attemptingagrinwithhislittlevillanousmouth。
　　UponthisImadeanefforttogetup，inordertoputmythreatintoexecution；buttheruffianjustreachedacrossthetableverydeliberately，andhittingmeatapontheforeheadwiththeneckofoneofthelongbottles，knockedmebackintothearm-chairfromwhichIhadhalfarisen。Iwasutterlyastounded；and，foramoment，wasquiteatalosswhattodo。Inthemeantime，hecontinuedhistalk。
　　“Youzee。”saidhe，“itiztebessvorzitstill；andnowyoushallknowwhoIpe。Lookatme！zee！Iamte_AngelovteOdd_。”
　　“Andoddenough，too。”Iventuredtoreply；“butIwasalwaysundertheimpressionthatanangelhadwings。”
　　“Tewing！”hecried，highlyincensed，“vatIpedomittewing？MeinGott！doyoutakemevorashicken？”
　　“No-ohno！”Ireplied，muchalarmed，“youarenochicken-
　　certainlynot。”
　　“Well，den，zitstillandpehabeyourself，orI’llrapyouagainmidmevist。Itizteshickenabtewing，undteowlabtewing，undteimpabtewing，undtehead-teuffelabtewing。Teangelab_not_
　　tewing，andIamte_AngelovteOdd_。”
　　“Andyourbusinesswithmeatpresentis-is“-
　　“Mypizzness！”ejaculatedthething，“vyvatalowbredbuppyyoumospevortoaskagentlemanundanangelapouthispizziness！”
　　ThislanguagewasrathermorethanIcouldbear，evenfromanangel；so，pluckingupcourage，Iseizedasalt-cellarwhichlaywithinreach，andhurleditattheheadoftheintruder。Eitherhedodged，however，ormyaimwasinaccurate；forallIaccomplishedwasthedemolitionofthecrystalwhichprotectedthedialoftheclockuponthemantel-piece。AsfortheAngel，heevincedhissenseofmyassaultbygivingmetwoorthreehardconsecutiverapsupontheforeheadasbefore。Thesereducedmeatoncetosubmission，andIamalmostashamedtoconfessthateitherthroughpainorvexation，therecameafewtearsintomyeyes。
　　“MeinGott！”saidtheAngeloftheOdd，apparentlymuchsoftenedatmydistress；“meinGott，temanisederferrydronkorferryzorry。Youmosnottrinkitsostrong-youmosputtewaterintewine。Here，trinkdis，likeagootveller，unddon’tgrynow-don’t！”
　　HereupontheAngeloftheOddreplenishedmygobletwhichwasaboutathirdfullofPortwithacolorlessfluidthathepouredfromoneofhishandbottles。Iobservedthatthesebottleshadlabelsabouttheirnecks，andthattheselabelswereinscribed“Kirschenwasser。”
　　TheconsideratekindnessoftheAngelmollifiedmeinnolittlemeasure；and，aidedbythewaterwithwhichhedilutedmyPortmorethanonce，Iatlengthregainedsufficienttempertolistentohisveryextraordinarydiscourse。Icannotpretendtorecountallthathetoldme，butIgleanedfromwhathesaidthathewasthegeniuswhopresidedoverthe_contretemps_ofmankind，andwhosebusinessitwastobringaboutthe_oddaccidents_whicharecontinuallyastonishingtheskeptic。Onceortwice，uponmyventuringtoexpressmytotalincredulityinrespecttohispretensions，hegrewveryangryindeed，sothatatlengthIconsidereditthewiserpolicytosaynothingatall，andlethimhavehisownway。Hetalkedon，therefore，atgreatlength，whileImerelyleanedbackinmychairwithmyeyesshut，andamusedmyselfwithmunchingraisinsandfillipingthestemsabouttheroom。But，by-and-by，theAngelsuddenlyconstruedthisbehaviorofmineintocontempt。Hearoseinaterriblepassion，slouchedhisfunneldownoverhiseyes，sworeavastoath，utteredathreatofsomecharacterwhichIdidnotpreciselycomprehend，andfinallymademealowbowanddeparted，wishingme，inthelanguageofthearchbishopinGil-Blas，“_beaucoupdebonheuretunpeuplusdebonsens_。”
　　Hisdepartureaffordedmerelief。The_very_fewglassesofLafittethatIhadsippedhadtheeffectofrenderingmedrowsy，andIfeltinclinedtotakeanapofsomefifteenortwentyminutes，asismycustomafterdinner。AtsixIhadanappointmentofconsequence，whichitwasquiteindispensablethatIshouldkeep。
　　Thepolicyofinsuranceformydwellinghousehadexpiredthedaybefore；and，somedisputehavingarisen，itwasagreedthat，atsix，Ishouldmeettheboardofdirectorsofthecompanyandsettlethetermsofarenewal。Glancingupwardattheclockonthemantel-piece，forIfelttoodrowsytotakeoutmywatch，IhadthepleasuretofindthatIhadstilltwenty-fiveminutestospare。Itwashalfpastfive；Icouldeasilywalktotheinsuranceofficeinfiveminutes；andmyusualsiestashadneverbeenknowntoexceedfiveandtwenty。Ifeltsufficientlysafe，therefore，andcomposedmyselftomyslumbersforthwith。
　　Havingcompletedthemtomysatisfaction，Iagainlookedtowardthetime-pieceandwashalfinclinedtobelieveinthepossibilityofoddaccidentswhenIfoundthat，insteadofmyordinaryfifteenortwentyminutes，Ihadbeendozingonlythree；foritstillwantedsevenandtwentyoftheappointedhour。Ibetookmyselfagaintomynap，andatlengthasecondtimeawoke，when，tomyutteramazement，it_still_wantedtwenty-sevenminutesofsix。Ijumpeduptoexaminetheclock，andfoundthatithadceasedrunning。Mywatchinformedmethatitwashalfpastseven；and，ofcourse，havingslepttwohours，Iwastoolateformyappointment。“Itwillmakenodifference。”Isaid：“Icancallattheofficeinthemorningandapologize；inthemeantimewhatcanbethematterwiththeclock？”
　　UponexaminingitIdiscoveredthatoneoftheraisinstemswhichI
　　hadbeenfillipingabouttheroomduringthediscourseoftheAngeloftheOdd，hadflownthroughthefracturedcrystal，andlodging，singularlyenough，inthekey-hole，withanendprojectingoutward，hadthusarrestedtherevolutionoftheminutehand。
　　“Ah！”saidI，“Iseehowitis。Thisthingspeaksforitself。
　　Anaturalaccident，suchas_will_happennowandthen！”
　　Igavethematternofurtherconsideration，andatmyusualhourretiredtobed。Here，havingplacedacandleuponareadingstandatthebedhead，andhavingmadeanattempttoperusesomepagesofthe“OmnipresenceoftheDeity。”Iunfortunatelyfellasleepinlessthantwentyseconds，leavingthelightburningasitwas。
　　MydreamswereterrificallydisturbedbyvisionsoftheAngeloftheOdd。Methoughthestoodatthefootofthecouch，drewasidethecurtains，and，inthehollow，detestabletonesofarumpuncheon，menacedmewiththebitterestvengeanceforthecontemptwithwhichI
　　hadtreatedhim。Heconcludedalongharanguebytakingoffhisfunnel-cap，insertingthetubeintomygullet，andthusdelugingmewithanoceanofKirschenw鋝ser，whichhepoured，inacontinuousflood，fromoneofthelongneckedbottlesthatstoodhiminsteadofanarm。Myagonywasatlengthinsufferable，andIawokejustintimetoperceivethatarathadranoffwiththelightedcandlefromthestand，but_not_inseasontopreventhismakinghisescapewithitthroughthehole。Verysoon，astrongsuffocatingodorassailedmynostrils；thehouse，Iclearlyperceived，wasonfire。Inafewminutestheblazebrokeforthwithviolence，andinanincrediblybriefperiodtheentirebuildingwaswrappedinflames。Allegressfrommychamber，exceptthroughawindow，wascutoff。Thecrowd，however，quicklyprocuredandraisedalongladder。BymeansofthisIwasdescendingrapidly，andinapparentsafety，whenahugehog，aboutwhoserotundstomach，andindeedaboutwhosewholeairandphysiognomy，therewassomethingwhichremindedmeoftheAngeloftheOdd，-whenthishog，Isay，whichhithertohadbeenquietlyslumberinginthemud，tookitsuddenlyintohisheadthathisleftshoulderneededscratching，andcouldfindnomoreconvenientrubbing-postthanthataffordedbythefootoftheladder。InaninstantIwasprecipitatedandhadthemisfortunetofracturemyarm。