“Thankyou，no。”Ireplied；“tosaythetruth，IamnotparticularlypartialtovealalaSt。whatisit？forIdonotfindthatitaltogetheragreeswithme。Iwillchangemyplate，however，andtrysomeoftherabbit。”
　　Therewereseveralside-dishesonthetable，containingwhatappearedtobetheordinaryFrenchrabbitaverydeliciousmorceau，whichI
　　canrecommend。
　　“Pierre。”criedthehost，“changethisgentleman’splate，andgivehimaside-pieceofthisrabbitau-chat。”
　　“Thiswhat？”saidI。
　　“Thisrabbitau-chat。”
　　“Why，thankyouuponsecondthoughts，no。Iwilljusthelpmyselftosomeoftheham。”
　　Thereisnoknowingwhatoneeats，thoughtItomyself，atthetablesofthesepeopleoftheprovince。Iwillhavenoneoftheirrabbitau-chatand，forthematterofthat，noneoftheircat-au-rabbiteither。
　　“Andthen。”saidacadaverouslookingpersonage，nearthefootofthetable，takingupthethreadoftheconversationwhereithadbeenbrokenoff，“andthen，amongotheroddities，wehadapatient，onceuponatime，whoverypertinaciouslymaintainedhimselftobeaCordovacheese，andwentabout，withaknifeinhishand，solicitinghisfriendstotryasmallslicefromthemiddleofhisleg。”
　　“Hewasagreatfool，beyonddoubt。”interposedsomeone，“butnottobecomparedwithacertainindividualwhomweallknow，withtheexceptionofthisstrangegentleman。Imeanthemanwhotookhimselfforabottleofchampagne，andalwayswentoffwithapopandafizz，inthisfashion。”
　　Herethespeaker，veryrudely，asIthought，puthisrightthumbinhisleftcheek，withdrewitwithasoundresemblingthepoppingofacork，andthen，byadexterousmovementofthetongueupontheteeth，createdasharphissingandfizzing，whichlastedforseveralminutes，inimitationofthefrothingofchampagne。Thisbehavior，I
　　sawplainly，wasnotverypleasingtoMonsieurMaillard；butthatgentlemansaidnothing，andtheconversationwasresumedbyaveryleanlittlemaninabigwig。
　　“Andthentherewasanignoramus。”saidhe，“whomistookhimselfforafrog，which，bytheway，heresembledinnolittledegree。Iwishyoucouldhaveseenhim，sir。”herethespeakeraddressedmyself“itwouldhavedoneyourheartgoodtoseethenaturalairsthatheputon。Sir，ifthatmanwasnotafrog，Icanonlyobservethatitisapityhewasnot。Hiscroakthuso-o-o-o-gho-o-o-o-gh！
　　wasthefinestnoteintheworldBflat；andwhenheputhiselbowsuponthetablethusaftertakingaglassortwoofwine
　　anddistendedhismouth，thus，androlleduphiseyes，thus，andwinkedthemwithexcessiverapidity，thus，whythen，sir，Itakeituponmyselftosay，positively，thatyouwouldhavebeenlostinadmirationofthegeniusoftheman。”
　　“Ihavenodoubtofit。”Isaid。
　　“Andthen。”saidsomebodyelse，“thentherewasPetitGaillard，whothoughthimselfapinchofsnuff，andwastrulydistressedbecausehecouldnottakehimselfbetweenhisownfingerandthumb。”
　　“AndthentherewasJulesDesoulieres，whowasaverysingulargenius，indeed，andwentmadwiththeideathathewasapumpkin。Hepersecutedthecooktomakehimupintopiesathingwhichthecookindignantlyrefusedtodo。Formypart，IambynomeanssurethatapumpkinpiealaDesouliereswouldnothavebeenverycapitaleatingindeed！”
　　“Youastonishme！”saidI；andIlookedinquisitivelyatMonsieurMaillard。
　　“Ha！ha！ha！”saidthatgentleman“he！he！he！hi！hi！hi！
　　ho！ho！ho！hu！hu！hu！hu！verygoodindeed！Youmustnotbeastonished，monami；ourfriendhereisawitadroleyoumustnotunderstandhimtotheletter。”
　　“Andthen。”saidsomeotheroneoftheparty，“thentherewasBouffonLeGrandanotherextraordinarypersonageinhisway。Hegrewderangedthroughlove，andfanciedhimselfpossessedoftwoheads。OneofthesehemaintainedtobetheheadofCicero；theotherheimaginedacompositeone，beingDemosthenes’fromthetopoftheforeheadtothemouth，andLordBrougham’sfromthemouthtothechin。Itisnotimpossiblethathewaswrong；buthewouldhaveconvincedyouofhisbeingintheright；forhewasamanofgreateloquence。Hehadanabsolutepassionfororatory，andcouldnotrefrainfromdisplay。Forexample，heusedtoleapuponthedinner-tablethus，andand-“
　　Hereafriend，atthesideofthespeaker，putahanduponhisshoulderandwhisperedafewwordsinhisear，uponwhichheceasedtalkingwithgreatsuddenness，andsankbackwithinhischair。
　　“Andthen。”saidthefriendwhohadwhispered，“therewasBoullard，thetee-totum。Icallhimthetee-totumbecause，infact，hewasseizedwiththedrollbutnotaltogetherirrationalcrotchet，thathehadbeenconvertedintoatee-totum。Youwouldhaveroaredwithlaughtertoseehimspin。Hewouldturnroundupononeheelbythehour，inthismannerso-
　　Herethefriendwhomhehadjustinterruptedbyawhisper，performedanexactlysimilarofficeforhimself。
　　“Butthen。”criedtheoldlady，atthetopofhervoice，“yourMonsieurBoullardwasamadman，andaverysillymadmanatbest；forwho，allowmetoaskyou，everheardofahumantee-totum？Thethingisabsurd。MadameJoyeusewasamoresensibleperson，asyouknow。
　　Shehadacrotchet，butitwasinstinctwithcommonsense，andgavepleasuretoallwhohadthehonorofheracquaintance。Shefound，uponmaturedeliberation，that，bysomeaccident，shehadbeenturnedintoachicken-cock；but，assuch，shebehavedwithpropriety。Sheflappedherwingswithprodigiouseffectsosoand，asforhercrow，itwasdelicious！Cock-a-doodle-doo！cock-a-doodle-doo！
　　cock-a-doodle-de-doo-dooo-do-o-o-o-o-o-o！”
　　“MadameJoyeuse，Iwillthankyoutobehaveyourself！”hereinterruptedourhost，veryangrily。“Youcaneitherconductyourselfasaladyshoulddo，oryoucanquitthetableforthwith-takeyourchoice。”
　　TheladywhomIwasmuchastonishedtohearaddressedasMadameJoyeuse，afterthedescriptionofMadameJoyeuseshehadjustgiven
　　blusheduptotheeyebrows，andseemedexceedinglyabashedatthereproof。Shehungdownherhead，andsaidnotasyllableinreply。
　　Butanotherandyoungerladyresumedthetheme。Itwasmybeautifulgirlofthelittleparlor。
　　“Oh，MadameJoyeusewasafool！”sheexclaimed，“buttherewasreallymuchsoundsense，afterall，intheopinionofEugenieSalsafette。
　　Shewasaverybeautifulandpainfullymodestyounglady，whothoughttheordinarymodeofhabilimentindecent，andwishedtodressherself，always，bygettingoutsideinsteadofinsideofherclothes。
　　Itisathingveryeasilydone，afterall。Youhaveonlytodoso
　　andthensososoandthensososoandthenso
　　soandthen-
　　“Mondieu！Ma’m’selleSalsafette！”herecriedadozenvoicesatonce。
　　“Whatareyouabout？forbear！thatissufficient！wesee，veryplainly，howitisdone！hold！hold！”andseveralpersonswerealreadyleapingfromtheirseatstowithholdMa’m’selleSalsafettefromputtingherselfuponaparwiththeMediceanVenus，whenthepointwasveryeffectuallyandsuddenlyaccomplishedbyaseriesofloudscreams，oryells，fromsomeportionofthemainbodyofthechateau。
　　Mynerveswereverymuchaffected，indeed，bytheseyells；buttherestofthecompanyIreallypitied。Ineversawanysetofreasonablepeoplesothoroughlyfrightenedinmylife。Theyallgrewaspaleassomanycorpses，and，shrinkingwithintheirseats，satquiveringandgibberingwithterror，andlisteningforarepetitionofthesound。Itcameagainlouderandseeminglynearerandthenathirdtimeveryloud，andthenafourthtimewithavigorevidentlydiminished。Atthisapparentdyingawayofthenoise，thespiritsofthecompanywereimmediatelyregained，andallwaslifeandanecdoteasbefore。Inowventuredtoinquirethecauseofthedisturbance。
　　“Amerebagtelle。”saidMonsieurMaillard。“Weareusedtothesethings，andcarereallyverylittleaboutthem。Thelunatics，everynowandthen，getupahowlinconcert；onestartinganother，asissometimesthecasewithabevyofdogsatnight。Itoccasionallyhappens，however，thattheconcertoyellsaresucceededbyasimultaneouseffortatbreakingloose，when，ofcourse，somelittledangeristobeapprehended。”
　　“Andhowmanyhaveyouincharge？”
　　“Atpresentwehavenotmorethanten，altogether。”
　　“Principallyfemales，Ipresume？”
　　“Oh，noeveryoneofthemmen，andstoutfellows，too，Icantellyou。”
　　“Indeed！Ihavealwaysunderstoodthatthemajorityoflunaticswereofthegentlersex。”
　　“Itisgenerallyso，butnotalways。Sometimeago，therewereabouttwenty-sevenpatientshere；and，ofthatnumber，nolessthaneighteenwerewomen；but，lately，mattershavechangedverymuch，asyousee。”
　　“Yeshavechangedverymuch，asyousee。”hereinterruptedthegentlemanwhohadbrokentheshinsofMa’m’selleLaplace。
　　“Yeshavechangedverymuch，asyousee！”chimedinthewholecompanyatonce。
　　“Holdyourtongues，everyoneofyou！”saidmyhost，inagreatrage。
　　Whereuponthewholecompanymaintainedadeadsilencefornearlyaminute。Asforonelady，sheobeyedMonsieurMaillardtotheletter，andthrustingouthertongue，whichwasanexcessivelylongone，helditveryresignedly，withbothhands，untiltheendoftheentertainment。
　　“Andthisgentlewoman。”saidI，toMonsieurMaillard，bendingoverandaddressinghiminawhisper“thisgoodladywhohasjustspoken，andwhogivesusthecock-a-doodle-de-dooshe，Ipresume，isharmlessquiteharmless，eh？”
　　“Harmless！”ejaculatedhe，inunfeignedsurprise，“whywhy，whatcanyoumean？”
　　“Onlyslightlytouched？”saidI，touchingmyhead。“Itakeitforgrantedthatsheisnotparticularlynotdangerouslyaffected，eh？”
　　“Mondieu！whatisityouimagine？Thislady，myparticularoldfriendMadameJoyeuse，isasabsolutelysaneasmyself。Shehasherlittleeccentricities，tobesurebutthen，youknow，alloldwomenallveryoldwomenaremoreorlesseccentric！”
　　“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesureandthentherestoftheseladiesandgentlemen-“
　　“Aremyfriendsandkeepers。”interuptedMonsieurMaillard，drawinghimselfupwithhauteur，“myverygoodfriendsandassistants。”
　　“What！allofthem？”Iasked，“thewomenandall？”
　　“Assuredly。”hesaid，“wecouldnotdoatallwithoutthewomen；
　　theyarethebestlunaticnursesintheworld；theyhaveawayoftheirown，youknow；theirbrighteyeshaveamarvellouseffect；
　　somethinglikethefascinationofthesnake，youknow。”
　　“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesure！Theybehavealittleodd，eh？
　　theyarealittlequeer，eh？don’tyouthinkso？”
　　“Odd！queer！why，doyoureallythinkso？Wearenotveryprudish，tobesure，hereintheSouthdoprettymuchaswepleaseenjoylife，andallthatsortofthing，youknow-“
　　“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesure。”
　　Andthen，perhaps，thisClosdeVougeotisalittleheady，youknowalittlestrongyouunderstand，eh？”
　　“Tobesure。”saidI，“tobesure。Bythebye，Monsieur，didI
　　understandyoutosaythatthesystemyouhaveadopted，inplaceofthecelebratedsoothingsystem，wasoneofveryrigorousseverity？”
　　“Bynomeans。Ourconfinementisnecessarilyclose；butthetreatmentthemedicaltreatment，Imeanisratheragreeabletothepatientsthanotherwise。”