首页 >出版文学> THE WOMAN IN WHITE>第34章
  `Don’tbeafraidofme,Marian,’wasallshesaid;`ImayforgetmyselfwithanoldfriendlikeMrGilmore,orwithadearsisterlikeyou,butIwillnotforgetmyselfwithSirPercivalGlyde。’
  Ilookedather,andlistenedtoherinsilentsurprise。Throughalltheyearsofourcloseintimacythispassiveforceinhercharacterhadbeenhiddenfromme——hiddenevenfromherself,tilllovefoundit,andsufferingcalleditforth。
  AstheclockonthemantelpiecestruckelevenSirPercivalknockedatthedoorandcamein。Therewassuppressedanxietyandagitationineverylineofhisface。Thedry,sharpcough,whichteaseshimatmosttimes,seemedtobetroublinghimmoreincessantlythanever。Hesatdownoppositetousatthetable,andLauraremainedbyme。Ilookedattentivelyatthemboth,andhewasthepalestofthetwo。
  Hesaidafewunimportantwords,withavisibleefforttopreservehiscustomaryeaseofmanner。Buthisvoicewasnottobesteadied,andtherestlessuneasinessinhiseyeswasnottobeconcealed。Hemusthavefeltthishimself,forhestoppedinthemiddleofasentence,andgaveupeventheattempttohidehisembarrassmentanylonger。
  TherewasjustonemomentofdeadsilencebeforeLauraaddressedhim。
  `Iwishtospeaktoyou,SirPercival,’shesaid,`onasubjectthatisveryimportanttousboth。Mysisterishere,becauseherpresencehelpsmeandgivesmeconfidence。ShehasnotsuggestedonewordofwhatIamgoingtosay——Ispeakfrommyownthoughts,notfromhers。IamsureyouwillbekindenoughtounderstandthatbeforeIgoanyfarther?’
  SirPercivalbowed。Shehadproceededthusfar,withperfectoutwardtranquillityandperfectproprietyofmanner。Shelookedathim,andhelookedather。Theyseemed,attheoutset,atleast,resolvedtounderstandoneanotherplainly。
  `IhaveheardfromMarian,’shewenton,`thatIhaveonlytoclaimmyreleasefromourengagementtoobtainthatreleasefromyou。Itwasforbearingandgenerousonyourpart,SirPercival,tosendmesuchamessage-
  ItisonlydoingyoujusticetosaythatIamgratefulfortheoffer,andIhopeandbelievethatitisonlydoingmyselfjusticetotellyouthatIdeclinetoacceptit。’
  Hisattentivefacerelaxedalittle。ButIsawoneofhisfeet,softly,quietly,incessantlybeatingonthecarpetunderthetable,andIfeltthathewassecretlyasanxiousasever。
  `lhavenotforgotten,’shesaid,`thatyouaskedmyfather’spermissionbeforeyouhonouredmewithaproposalofmarriage。PerhapsyouhavenotforgotteneitherwhatIsaidwhenIconsentedtoourengagement?Iventuredtotellyouthatmyfather’sinfluenceandadvicehadmainlydecidedmetogiveyoumypromise。Iwasguidedbymyfather,becauseIhadalwaysfoundhimthetruestofalladvisers,thebestandfondestofallprotectorsandfriends。Ihavelosthimnow——Ihaveonlyhismemorytolove,butmyfaithinthatdeardeadfriendhasneverbeenshaken。Ibelieveatthismoment,astrulyasIeverbelieved,thatheknewwhatwasbest,andthathishopesandwishesoughttobemyhopesandwishestoo。’
  Hervoicetrembledforthefirsttime。Herrestlessfingersstoletheirwayintomylap,andheldfastbyoneofmyhands。Therewasanothermomentofsilence,andthenSirPercivalspoke。
  `MayIask,’hesaid,`ifIhaveeverprovedmyselfunworthyofthetrustwhichithasbeenhithertomygreatesthonourandgreatesthappinesstopossess?’
  `Ihavefoundnothinginyourconducttoblame,’sheanswered。`Youhavealwaystreatedmewiththesamedelicacyandthesameforbearance。
  Youhavedeservedmytrust,and,whatisoffarmoreimportanceinmyestimation,youhavedeservedmyfather’strust,outofwhichminegrew。Youhavegivenmenoexcuse,evenifIhadwantedtofindone,foraskingtobereleasedfrommypledge。WhatIhavesaidsofarhasbeenspokenwiththewishtoacknowledgemywholeobligationtoyou。Myregardforthatobligation,myregardformyfather’smemory,andmyregardformyownpromise,allforbidmetosettheexample,onmyside,ofwithdrawingfromourpresentposition。Thebreakingofourengagementmustbeentirelyyourwishandyouract,SirPercival——notmine。’
  Theuneasybeatingofhisfootsuddenlystopped,andheleanedforwardeagerlyacrossthetable。
  `Myact?’hesaid。`Whatreasoncantherebeonmysideforwithdrawing?’
  Iheardherbreathquickening——Ifeltherhandgrowingcold。Inspiteofwhatshehadsaidtomewhenwewerealone,Ibegantobeafraidofher。Iwaswrong。
  `Areasonthatitisveryhardtotellyou,’sheanswered。`Thereisachangeinme,SirPercival——achangewhichisseriousenoughtojustifyyou,toyourselfandtome,inbreakingoffourengagement。’
  Hisfaceturnedsopaleagainthatevenhislipslosttheircolour。
  Heraisedthearmwhichlayonthetable,turnedalittleawayinhischair,andsupportedhisheadonhishand,sothathisprofileonlywaspresentedtous。
  `Whatchange?’heasked。Thetoneinwhichheputthequestionjarredonme——therewassomethingpainfullysuppressedinit。
  Shesighedheavily,andleanedtowardsmealittle,soastoresthershoulderagainstmine。Ifelthertrembling,andtriedtospareherbyspeakingmyself。Shestoppedmebyawarningpressureofherhand,andthenaddressedSirPercivaloncemore,butthistimewithoutlookingathim。
  `Ihaveheard,’shesaid,`andIbelieveit,thatthefondestandtruestofallaffectionsistheaffectionwhichawomanoughttobeartoherhusband。
  Whenourengagementbeganthataffectionwasminetogive,ifIcould,andyourstowin,ifyoucould。Willyoupardonme,andspareme,SirPercival,ifIacknowledgethatitisnotsoanylonger?’
  Afewtearsgatheredinhereyes,anddroppedoverhercheeksslowlyasshepausedandwaitedforhisanswer。Hedidnotutteraword。Atthebeginningofhisreplyhehadmovedthehandonwhichhisheadrested,sothatithidhisface。Isawnothingbuttheupperpartofhisfigureatthetable。Notamuscleofhimmoved。Thefingersofthehandwhichsupportedhisheadweredenteddeepinhishair。Theymighthaveexpressedhiddenangerorhiddengrief——itwashardtosaywhich——therewasnosignificanttremblinginthem。Therewasnothing,absolutelynothing,totellthesecretofhisthoughtsatthatmoment——themomentwhichwasthecrisisofhislifeandthecrisisofhers。
  Iwasdeterminedtomakehimdeclarehimself,forLaura’ssake。
  `SirPercival!’Iinterposedsharply,`haveyounothingtosaywhenmysisterhassaidsomuch?More,inmyopinion,’Iadded,myunluckytempergettingthebetterofme,`thananymanalive,inyourposition,hasarighttohearfromher。’
  Thatlastrashsentenceopenedawayforhimbywhichtoescapemeifhechose,andheinstantlytookadvantageofit。
  `Pardonme,MissHalcombe,’hesaid,stillkeepinghishandoverhisface,`pardonmeifIremindyouthatIhaveclaimednosuchright。’
  Thefewplainwordswhichwouldhavebroughthimbacktothepointfromwhichhehadwanderedwerejustonmylips,whenLauracheckedmebyspeakingagain。
  `lhopeIhavenotmademypainfulacknowledgmentinvain,’shecontinued。
  `IhopeithassecuredmeyourentireconfidenceinwhatIhavestilltosay?’
  `Praybeassuredofit。’Hemadethatbriefreplywarmly,droppinghishandonthetablewhilehespoke,andturningtowardsusagain。Whateveroutwardchangehadpassedoverhimwasgonenow。Hisfacewaseagerandexpectant——itexpressednothingbutthemostintenseanxietytohearhernextwords。
  `IwishyoutounderstandthatIhavenotspokenfromanyselfishmotive,’
  shesaid。`Ifyouleaveme,SirPercival,afterwhatyouhavejustheard,youdonotleavemetomarryanotherman,youonlyallowmetoremainasinglewomanfortherestofmylife。Myfaulttowardsyouhasbegunandendedinmyownthoughts。Itcannevergoanyfarther。NowordhaspassedShehesitated。indoubtabouttheexpressionsheshouldusenext,hesitatedinamomentaryconfusionwhichitwasverysadandverypainfultosee。
  `Nowordhaspassed,’shepatientlyandresolutelyresumed,`betweenmyselfandthepersontowhomIamnowreferringforthefirstandlasttimeinyourpresenceofmyfeelingstowardshim,orofhisfeelingstowardsme——nowordevercanpass——neitherhenorIarclikely,inthisworld,tomeetagain。Iearnestlybegyoutosparemefromsayinganymore,andtobelieveme,onmyword,inwhatIhavejusttoldyou。Itisthetruth,SirPercival,thetruthwhichIthinkmypromisedhusbandhasaclaimtohear,atanysacrificeofmyownfeelings。Itrusttohisgenerositytopardonme,andtohishonourtokeepmysecret。’
  `Boththosetrustsaresacredtome,’hesaid,`andbothshallbesacredlykept。’
  Afteransweringinthosetermshepaused,andlookedatherasifhewaswaitingtohearmore。
  `IhavesaidallIwishtosay,’sheaddedquietly——`Ihavesaidmorethanenoughtojustifyyouinwithdrawingfromyourengagement。’
  `Youhavesaidmorethanenough,’heanswered,`tomakeitthedearestobjectofmylifetokeeptheengagement。’Withthosewordsherosefromhischair,andadvancedafewstepstowardstheplacewhereshewassitting。
  Shestartedviolently,andafaintcryofsurpriseescapedher。Everywordshehadspokenhadinnocentlybetrayedherpurityandtruthtoamanwhothoroughlyunderstoodthepricelessvalueofapureandtruewoman。
  Herownnobleconducthadbeenthehiddenenemy,throughout,ofallthehopesshehadtrustedtoit。Ihaddreadedthisfromthefirst。Iwouldhavepreventedit。ifshehadallowedmethesmallestchanceofdoingso。
  Ievenwaitedandwatchednow,whentheharmwasdone。forawordfromSirPercivalthatwouldgivemetheopportunityofputtinghiminthewrong。
  `Youhaveleftittome,MissFairlie。toresignyou,’hecontinued。
  `Iamnotheartlessenoughtoresignawomanwhohasjustshownherselftobethenoblestofhersex。’