Ifmygodsonhadbeenanolderman,andmorefixedinanydefinitegroove,thisiswhatIshouldhavedone,buthewasstillveryyoung,andmorethancommonlyunformedforhisage。If,again,I
hadknownofhisillnessIshouldnothavedaredtolayanyheavierburdenonhisbackthanhehadtobearalready;butnotbeinguneasyabouthishealth,Ithoughtafewyearsofroughingitandofexperienceconcerningtheimportanceofnotplayingtrickswithmoneywoulddohimnoharm。SoIdecidedtokeepasharpeyeuponhimassoonashecameoutofprison,andtolethimsplashaboutindeepwaterasbesthecouldtillIsawwhetherhewasabletoswim,orwasabouttosink。InthefirstcaseIwouldlethimgoonswimmingtillhewasnearlyeight-and-twenty,whenIwouldpreparehimgraduallyforthegoodfortunethatawaitedhim;inthesecondI
wouldhurryuptotherescue。SoIwrotetosaythatPryerhadabsconded,andthathecouldhave100poundsfromhisfatherwhenhecameoutofprison。Ithenwaitedtoseewhateffectthesetidingswouldhave,notexpectingtoreceiveananswerforthreemonths,forIhadbeentoldonenquirythatnolettercouldbereceivedbyaprisonertillafterhehadbeenthreemonthsingaol。IalsowrotetoTheobaldandtoldhimofPryer’sdisappearance。
Asamatteroffact,whenmyletterarrivedthegovernorofthegaolreadit,andinacaseofsuchimportancewouldhaverelaxedtherulesifErnest’sstatehadallowedit;hisillnesspreventedthis,andthegovernorleftittothechaplainandthedoctortobreakthenewstohimwhentheythoughthimstrongenoughtobearit,whichwasnowthecase。InthemeantimeIreceivedaformalofficialdocumentsayingthatmyletterhadbeenreceivedandwouldbecommunicatedtotheprisonerinduecourse;IbelieveitwassimplythroughamistakeonthepartofaclerkthatIwasnotinformedofErnest’sillness,butIheardnothingofittillIsawhimbyhisowndesireafewdaysafterthechaplinhadbrokentohimthesubstanceofwhatIhadwritten。
Ernestwasterriblyshockedwhenheheardofthelossofhismoney,buthisignoranceoftheworldpreventedhimfromseeingthefullextentofthemischief。Hehadneverbeeninseriouswantofmoneyyet,anddidnotknowwhatitmeant。Inreality,moneylossesarethehardesttobearofanybythosewhoareoldenoughtocomprehendthem。
Amancanstandbeingtoldthathemustsubmittoaseveresurgicaloperation,orthathehassomediseasewhichwillshortlykillhim,orthathewillbeacrippleorblindfortherestofhislife;
dreadfulassuchtidingsmustbe,wedonotfindthattheyunnervethegreaternumberofmankind;mostmen,indeed,gocoollyenougheventobehanged,butthestrongestquailbeforefinancialruin,andthebettermentheyare,themorecomplete,asageneralrule,istheirprostration。Suicideisacommonconsequenceofmoneylosses;itisrarelysoughtasameansofescapefrombodilysuffering。Ifwefeelthatwehaveacompetenceatourbacks,sothatwecandiewarmandquietlyinourbeds,withnoneedtoworryaboutexpense,weliveourlivesouttothedregs,nomatterhowexcruciatingourtorments。Jobprobablyfeltthelossofhisflocksandherdsmorethanthatofhiswifeandfamily,forhecouldenjoyhisflocksandherdswithouthisfamily,butnothisfamily——notforlong——ifhehadlostallhismoney。Lossofmoneyindeedisnotonlytheworstpaininitself,butitistheparentofallothers。
Letamanhavebeenbroughtuptoamoderatecompetence,andhavenospecially;thenlethismoneybesuddenlytakenfromhim,andhowlongishishealthlikelytosurvivethechangeinallhislittlewayswhichlossofmoneywillentail?Howlongagainistheesteemandsympathyoffriendslikelytosurviveruin?Peoplemaybeverysorryforus,buttheirattitudetowardsushithertohasbeenbaseduponthesuppositionthatweweresituatedthusorthusinmoneymatters;whenthisbreaksdowntheremustbearestatementofthesocialproblemsofarasweareconcerned;wehavebeenobtainingesteemunderfalsepretences。Granted,then,thatthethreemostseriouslosseswhichamancansufferarethoseaffectingmoney,healthandreputation。Lossofmoneyisfartheworst,thencomesill-health,andthenlossofreputation;lossofreputationisabadthird,for,ifamankeepshealthandmoneyunimpaired,itwillbegenerallyfoundthathislossofreputationisduetobreachesofparvenuconventionsonly,andnottoviolationsofthoseolder,betterestablishedcanonswhoseauthorityisunquestionable。Inthiscaseamanmaygrowanewreputationaseasilyasalobstergrowsanewclaw,or,ifhehavehealthandmoney,maythriveingreatpeaceofmindwithoutanyreputationatall。Theonlychanceforamanwhohaslosthismoneyisthatheshallstillbeyoungenoughtostanduprootingandtransplantingwithoutmorethantemporaryderangement,andthisIbelievedmygodsonstilltobe。
Bytheprisonruleshemightreceiveandsendaletterafterhehadbeeningaolthreemonths,andmightalsoreceiveonevisitfromafriend。Whenhereceivedmyletter,heatonceaskedmetocomeandseehim,whichofcourseIdid。Ifoundhimverymuchchanged,andstillsofeeble,thattheexertionofcomingfromtheinfirmarytothecellinwhichIwasallowedtoseehim,andtheagitationofseeingmeweretoomuchforhim。Atfirsthequitebrokedown,andIwassopainedatthestateinwhichIfoundhim,thatIwasonthepointofbreakingmyinstructionsthenandthere。Icontentedmyself,however,forthetime,withassuringhimthatIwouldhelphimassoonashecameoutofprison,andthat,whenhehadmadeuphismindwhathewoulddo,hewastocometomeforwhatmoneymightbenecessary,ifhecouldnotgetitfromhisfather。TomakeiteasierforhimItoldhimthathisaunt,onherdeathbed,haddesiredmetodosomethingofthissortshouldanemergencyarise,sothathewouldonlybetakingwhathisaunthadlefthim。
“Then。”saidhe,“Iwillnottakethe100poundsfrommyfather,andIwillneverseehimormymotheragain。”
Isaid:“Takethe100pounds,Ernest,andasmuchmoreasyoucanget,andthendonotseethemagainifyoudonotlike。”
ThisErnestwouldnotdo。Ifhetookmoneyfromthem,hecouldnotcutthem,andhewantedtocutthem。Ithoughtmygodsonwouldgetonagreatdealbetterifhewouldonlyhavethefirmnesstodoasheproposed,asregardsbreakingcompletelywithhisfatherandmother,andsaidso。“Thendon’tyoulikethem?”saidhe,withalookofsurprise。
“Likethem!”saidI,“Ithinkthey’rehorrid。”
“Oh,that’sthekindestthingofallyouhavedoneforme。”heexclaimed,“Ithoughtall——allmiddle-agedpeoplelikedmyfatherandmother。”
Hehadbeenabouttocallmeold,butIwasonlyfifty-seven,andwasnotgoingtohavethis,soImadeafacewhenIsawhimhesitating,whichdrovehiminto“middle-aged。”
“Ifyoulikeit。”saidI,“IwillsayallyourfamilyarehorridexceptyourselfandyourauntAlethea。Thegreaterpartofeveryfamilyisalwaysodious;ifthereareoneortwogoodonesinaverylargefamily,itisasmuchascanbeexpected。”
“Thankyou。”hereplied,gratefully,“IthinkIcannowstandalmostanything。IwillcomeandseeyouassoonasIcomeoutofgaol。
Goodbye。”Forthewarderhadtoldusthatthetimeallowedforourinterviewwasatanend。
AssoonasErnestfoundthathehadnomoneytolooktouponleavingprisonhesawthathisdreamsaboutemigratingandfarmingmustcometoanend,forheknewthathewasincapableofworkingattheploughorwiththeaxeforlongtogetherhimself。Andnowitseemedheshouldhavenomoneytopayanyoneelsefordoingso。Itwasthisthatresolvedhimtopartonceandforallwithhisparents。
Ifhehadbeengoingabroadhecouldhavekeptuprelationswiththem,fortheywouldhavebeentoofarofftointerferewithhim。
Heknewhisfatherandmotherwouldobjecttobeingcut;theywouldwishtoappearkindandforgiving;theywouldalsodislikehavingnofurtherpowertoplaguehim;butheknewalsoverywellthatsolongasheandtheyraninharnesstogethertheywouldbealwayspullingonewayandheanother。Hewantedtodropthegentlemanandgodownintotheranks,beginningonthelowestrungoftheladder,wherenoonewouldknowofhisdisgraceorminditifhedidknow;hisfatherandmotherontheotherhandwouldwishhimtoclutchontothefag-
endofgentilityatastarvationsalaryandwithnoprospectofadvancement。ErnesthadseenenoughinAshpitPlacetoknowthatatailor,ifhedidnotdrinkandattendedtohisbusiness,couldearnmoremoneythanaclerkoracurate,whilemuchlessexpensebywayofshowwasrequiredofhim。Thetailoralsohadmoreliberty,andabetterchanceofrising。Ernestresolvedatonce,ashehadfallensofar,tofallstilllower——promptly,gracefullyandwiththeideaofrisingagain,ratherthanclingtotheskirtsofarespectabilitywhichwouldpermithimtoexistonsufferanceonly,andmakehimpayanutterlyextortionatepriceforanarticlewhichhecoulddobetterwithout。
Hearrivedatthisresultmorequicklythanhemightotherwisehavedonethroughrememberingsomethinghehadonceheardhisauntsayabout“kissingthesoil。”Thishadimpressedhimandstuckbyhimperhapsbyreasonofitsbrevity;whenlateronhecametoknowthestoryofHerculesandAntaeus,hefounditoneoftheveryfewancientfableswhichhadaholdoverhim——hischiefestdebttoclassicalliterature。Hisaunthadwantedhimtolearncarpentering,asameansofkissingthesoilshouldhisHerculeseverthrowhim。Itwastoolateforthisnow——orhethoughtitwas——
butthemodeofcarryingouthisaunt’sideawasadetail;therewereahundredwaysofkissingthesoilbesidesbecomingacarpenter。
Hehadtoldmethisduringourinterview,andIhadencouragedhimtotheutmostofmypower。HeshowedsomuchmoregoodsensethanI
hadgivenhimcreditforthatIbecamecomparativelyeasyabouthim,anddeterminedtolethimplayhisowngame,beingalways,however,readytohandincasethingswenttoofarwrong。Itwasnotsimplybecausehedislikedhisfatherandmotherthathewantedtohavenomoretodowiththem;ifithadbeenonlythishewouldhaveputupwiththem;butawarningvoicewithintoldhimdistinctlyenoughthatifhewascleancutawayfromthemhemightstillhaveachanceofsuccess,whereasiftheyhadanythingwhatevertodowithhim,orevenknewwherehewas,theywouldhamperhimandintheendruinhim。Absoluteindependencehebelievedtobehisonlychanceofverylifeitself。
Overandabovethis——ifthiswerenotenough——Ernesthadafaithinhisowndestinysuchasmostyoungmen,Isuppose,feel,butthegroundsofwhichwerenotapparenttoanyonebuthimself。Rightlyorwrongly,inaquietwayhebelievedhepossessedastrengthwhich,ifhewereonlyfreetouseitinhisownway,mightdogreatthingssomeday。Hedidnotknowwhen,norwhere,norhowhisopportunitywastocome,butheneverdoubtedthatitwouldcomeinspiteofallthathadhappened,andaboveallelsehecherishedthehopethathemightknowhowtoseizeitifitcame,forwhateveritwasitwouldbesomethingthatnooneelsecoulddosowellashecould。Peoplesaidtherewerenodragonsandgiantsforadventurousmentofightwithnowadays;itwasbeginningtodawnuponhimthattherewerejustasmanynowasatanypasttime。
第53章