Hedidnotcoughonceinthecourseofanhour，smiled，kissedKitty’shand，thankingherwithtears，andsaidhewascomfortable，freefrompain，andthathefeltstrongandhadanappetite。Heevenraisedhimselfwhenhissoupwasbrought，andaskedforacutletaswell。Hopelesslyillashewas，obviousasitwasatthefirstglancethathecouldnotrecover，LevinandKittywereforthathourbothinthesamestateofexcitement，happy，thoughfearfulofbeingmistaken。
　　`Ishebetter？’-`Yes，much。’-`It’swonderful。’-`There’snothingwonderfulinit。’-`Anyway，he’sbetter，’-theysaidinawhisper，smilingtooneanother。
　　Thisself-deceptionwasnotoflongduration。Thesickmanfellintoaquietsleep，buthewaswakeduphalfanhourlaterbyhiscough。
　　Andallatonceeveryhopevanishedinthoseabouthimandinhimself。
　　TherealityofhissufferingcrushedallhopesinLevinandKitty，andinthesickmanhimself，leavingnodoubt，nomemoryevenofpasthopes。
　　Withoutreferringtowhathehadbelievedinhalfanhourbefore，asthoughashamedeventorecallit，heaskedforiodinetoinhaleinabottlecoveredwithperforatedpaper。Levingavehimthebottle，andthesamelookofpassionatehopewithwhichhehadtakenthesacramentwasnowfastenedonhisbrother，demandingfromhimtheconfirmationofthedoctor’swordsthatinhalingiodineworkedwonders。
　　`Isn’tKatiahere？’hegasped，lookingroundwhileLevinreluctantlyassentedtothedoctor’swords。`No-thenIcansayit……ItwasforhersakeIwentthroughthatfarce。She’ssosweet；butyouandIcan’tdeceiveourselves。ThisiswhatIbelievein，’hesaid，and，squeezingthebottleinhisbonyhand，hebeganbreathingoverit。
　　Ateighto’clockintheeveningLevinandhiswifeweredrinkingteaintheirroom，whenMaryaNikolaevnaranintothembreathlessly。Shewaspale，andherlipswerequivering-`Heisdying！’shewhispered。
　　`I’mafraidhewilldierightaway。’
　　Bothofthemrantohim。Hewassittingraisedup，withoneelbowonthebed，hislongbackbent，andhisheadhanginglow。
　　`Howdoyoufeel？’Levinaskedinawhisper，afterasilence。
　　`IfeelI’msettingoff，’Nikolaisaidwithdifficulty，butwithextremedistinctness，deliberatelysqueezingthewordsoutofhimself。
　　Hedidnotraisehishead，butsimplyturnedhiseyesupward，withouttheirreachinghisbrother’sface。`Katia，goaway！’headded。
　　Levinjumpedup，andwithaperemptorywhispermadehergoout。
　　`I’msettingoff，’hesaidagain。
　　`Whydoyouthinkso？’saidLevin，soastosaysomething。
　　`BecauseI’msettingoff，’herepeated，asthoughhehadalikingforthephrase。`It’stheend。’
　　MaryaNikolaevnawentuptohim。
　　`Youhadbetterliedown；you’dbeeasier，’shesaid。
　　`Ishallliedownsoonenough，’hepronouncedslowly，`whenI’mdead，’hesaidsarcastically，wrathfully。`Well，youcanputmedownifyoulike。’
　　Levinlaidhisbrotheronhisback，satdownbesidehim，andgazedathisface，holdinghisbreath。Thedyingmanlaywithclosedeyes，butthemusclestwitchedfromtimetotimeonhisforehead，aswithonethinkingdeeplyandintensely。Levininvoluntarilythoughtwithhimofwhatitwasthatwashappeningtohimnow，butinspiteofallhismentaleffortstokeephimcompany，hesawbytheexpressionofthatcalm，sternface，andbytheplayingmuscleabovehisbrow，thatforthedyingmantherewasgrowingclearerandclearerallthatwasstillasdarkaseverforLevin。
　　`Yes，yes，so，’thedyingmanarticulatedslowlyatintervals。
　　`Waitalittle。’Hewassilentagain。`Right！’hepronouncedallatoncereassuringly，asthoughallweresolvedforhim。`OLord！’hemurmured，andsigheddeeply。
　　MaryaNikolaevnafelthisfeet。`They’regettingcold，’shewhispered。
　　Foralongwhile，averylongwhile，itseemedtoLevin，thesickmanlaymotionless。Buthewasstillalive，andfromtimetotimehesighed。
　　Levinbynowwasexhaustedfrommentalstrain。Hefeltthatwithnomentaleffortcouldheunderstandwhatitwasthatwasright。Hefeltthathecouldnotfollowthedyingman’sthinking。Hecouldnoteventhinkoftheproblemofdeathitself，but，withnowillofhisown，thoughtskeptcomingtohimofwhathehadtodonext-closingthedeadman’seyes，dressinghim，orderingthecoffin。And，strangetosay，hefeltutterlycold，andwasnotconsciousofsorrownorofloss，lessstillofpityforhisbrother。
　　Ifhehadanyfeelingforhisbrotheratthatmoment，itwasratherenvyfortheknowledgethedyingmanhadnow，whichhecouldnothave。
　　Alongtimemorehesatoverhimso，continuallyexpectingtheend。Buttheenddidnotcome。ThedooropenedandKittyappeared。Levingotuptostopher。Butatthemomenthewasgettingup，hecaughtthesoundofthedyingmanstirring。
　　`Don’tgoaway，’saidNikolaiandheldouthishand。Levingavehimhis，andangrilywavedtohiswifetogoaway。
　　Withthedyingman’shandinhishand，hesatforhalfanhour，anhour，anotherhour。Hedidnotthinkofdeathatallnow。HewonderedwhatKittywasdoing；wholivedinthenextroom；whetherthedoctorlivedinahouseofhisown。Helongedforfoodandforsleep。Hecautiouslydrewawayhishandandfeltthefeet。Thefeetwerecold，butthesickmanwasstillbreathing。Levintriedoncemoretomoveawayontiptoe，butthesickmanstirredagainandsaid:`Don’tgo。’
　　Thedawncame；thesickman’sconditionwasunchanged。Levinstealthilywithdrewhishand，and，withoutlookingatthedyingman，wentofftohisownroomandwenttosleep。Whenhewokeup，insteadofnewsofhisbrother’sdeathwhichheexpected，helearnedthatthesickmanhadreturnedtohisearliercondition。Hehadbegunsittingupagain，coughing，hadbeguneatingagain，talkingagain，andagainhadceasedtotalkofdeath，againhadbeguntoexpresshopeofhisrecovery，andhadbecomemoreirritableandgloomierthanever。Noone，neitherhisbrothernorKitty，couldsoothehim。Hewasangrywitheveryone，andsaidnastythingstoeveryone，reproachedeveryoneforhissufferings，andinsistedthattheyshouldgethimacelebrateddoctorfromMoscow。Toallinquiriesmadeofhimastohowhefelt，hemadethesameanswerwithanexpressionofvindictivereproachfulness:
　　`I’msufferinghorribly，intolerably！’Thesickmanwassufferingmoreandmore，especiallyfrombedsores，whichitwasimpossiblenowtoremedy，andgrewmoreandmoreangrywitheveryoneabouthim，blamingthemforeverything，andespeciallyfornothavingbroughthimadoctorfromMoscow。
　　Kittytriedineverypossiblewaytorelievehim，tosoothehim；butitwasallinvain，andLevinsawthatsheherselfwasexhaustedbothphysicallyandmorally，thoughshewouldnotadmitit。Thesenseofdeath，whichhadbeenevokedinallbyhistakingleaveoflifeonthenightwhenhehadsentforhisbrother，wasbrokenup。Everyoneknewthathemustinevitablydiesoon，thathewashalf-deadalready。Everyonewishedfornothingbutthatheshoulddieassoonaspossible，andeveryone，concealingthis，gavehimmedicines，triedtofindremediesanddoctors，anddeceivedhim，andthemselves，andoneanother。Allthiswasfalsehood，disgusting，irreverentdeceit。Andowingtothebentofhischaracter，andbecausehelovedthedyingmanmorethananyoneelsedid，Levinwasmostpainfullyconsciousofthisdeceit。
　　Levin，whohadlongbeenpossessedbytheideaofreconcilinghisbrothers，atleastinfaceofdeath，hadwrittentohisbrother，SergeiIvanovich，andhavingreceivedananswerfromhim，hereadthislettertothesickman。SergeiIvanovichwrotethathecouldnotcomehimself，andintouchingtermshebeggedhisbrother’sforgiveness。
　　Thesickmansaidnothing。
　　`WhatamItowritetohim？’saidLevin。`Ihopeyouarenotangrywithhim？’
　　`No，notintheleast！’Nikolaianswered，vexedatthequestion。
　　`Tellhimtosendmeadoctor。’
　　Threemoredaysofagonyfollowed；thesickmanwasstillinthesamecondition。Thesenseoflongingforhisdeathwasfeltbyeveryonenowwhosawhim:bythewaiters，andthehotelkeeper，andallthepeoplestayinginthehotel，andthedoctor，andMaryaNikolaevna，andLevin，andKitty。Thesickmanalonedidnotexpressthisfeeling，butonthecontrarywasfuriousattheirnotgettinghimdoctors，andwentontakingmedicineandtalkingoflife。Onlyatraremoments，whentheopiumgavehimaninstant’srelieffromhisnever-ceasingpain，hewouldsometimes，half-asleep，utterwhatwasevermoreintenseinhisheartthaninalltheothers:`Oh，ifitwereonlytheend！’or，`Whenwillitbeover？’
　　Hissufferings，steadilygrowingmoreintense，didtheirworkandpreparedhimfordeath。Therewasnopositioninwhichhewasnotinpain，therewasnotaminuteinwhichhewasunconsciousofit，notalimb，notapartofhisbodythatdidnotacheandcausehimagony。Eventhememories，theimpressions，thethoughtsofthisbodyawakenedinhimnowthesameaversionasthebodyitself。Thesightofotherpeople，theirremarks，hisownreminiscences-everythingwasforhimasourceofagony。
　　Thoseabouthimfeltthis，andinstinctivelydidnotallowthemselvestomovefreely，totalk，toexpresstheirwishesbeforehim。Allhislifewasmergedintheonefeelingofsufferinganddesiretoberidofit。
　　Therewasevidentlycomingoverhimthatrevulsionwhichwouldmakehimlookupondeathasthegoalofhisdesires，ashappiness。Hithertoeachindividualdesire，arousedbysufferingorprivation，suchashunger，fatigue，thirst，hadbeensatisfiedbysomebodilyfunctiongivingpleasure。
　　Butnownophysicalcravingorsufferingreceivedrelief，andtheefforttorelievethemonlycausedfreshsuffering。Andsoalldesiresweremergedinone-thedesiretoberidofallhissufferingsandtheirsource，thebody。Buthehadnowordstoexpressthisdesireofdeliverance，andsohedidnotspeakofit，andfromhabitaskedforthesatisfactionofdesireswhichcouldnotnowbesatisfied。`Turnmeoverontheotherside，’hewouldsay，andimmediatelyafterhewouldasktobeturnedbackagainasbefore。`Givemesomebroth。Takeawaythebroth。Talkofsomething:whyareyousilent？’Anddirectlytheybegantotalkhewouldclosehiseyes，andwouldshowweariness，indifference，andloathing。
　　Onthetenthdayfromtheirarrivalinthetown，Kittywasunwell。
　　Shesufferedfromheadacheandsickness，andshecouldnotgetupallthemorning。
　　Thedoctoropinedthattheindispositionarosefromfatigueandexcitement，andprescribedrest。
　　Afterdinner，however，Kittygotupandwentaswithherworktothesickman。Helookedathersternlywhenshecamein，andsmiledcontemptuouslywhenshesaidshehadbeenunwell。Thatdayhewascontinuallyblowinghisnose，andgroaningpiteously。
　　`Howdoyoufeel？’sheaskedhim。
　　`Worse，’hearticulatedwithdifficulty。`Inpain！’
　　`Inpain，where？’
　　`Everywhere。’
　　`Itwillbeovertoday，youwillsee，’saidMaryaNikolaevna。
　　Thoughitwassaidinawhisper，thesickman，whosehearingLevinhadnoticedwasverykeen，musthaveheard。Levinsaid`Hush！’toher，andlookedroundatthesickman。Nikolaihadheard；butthesewordsproducednoeffectonhim。Hiseyeshadstillthesameintense，reproachfullook。
　　`Whydoyouthinkso？’Levinaskedher，whenshehadfollowedhimintothecorridor。
　　`Hehasbegunpickingathimself，’saidMaryaNikolaevna。
　　`Howdoyoumean？’
　　`Likethis，’shesaid，tuggingatthefoldsofherwoolenskirt。
　　Levinnoticed，indeed，thatallthatdaythepatientpulledathimself，asitwere，tryingtosnatchsomethingaway。
　　MaryaNikolaevna’spredictioncametrue。Towardnightthesickmanwasnotabletolifthishands，andcouldonlygazebeforehimwiththesameintenselyconcentratedexpressioninhiseyes。EvenwhenhisbrotherorKittybentoverhim，sothathecouldseethem，helookedjustthesame。
　　Kittysentforthepriesttoreadtheprayerforthedying。
　　Whilethepriestwasreadingit，thedyingmandidnotshowanysignoflife；hiseyeswereclosed。Levin，KittyandMaryaNikolaevnastoodatthebedside。Thepriesthadnotquitefinishedreadingtheprayerwhenthedyingmanstretched，sighed，andopenedhiseyes。Thepriest，onfinishingtheprayer，putthecrosstothecoldforehead，thenslowlyreturnedittothestand，and，afterstandinginsilencefortwominutesmore，hetouchedthehuge，bloodlesshandthatwasturningcold。
　　`Heisgone，’saidthepriest，andwouldhavemovedaway；butsuddenlytherewasafaintstirinthemustachesofthedeadman，thatseemedgluedtogether，andquitedistinctlyinthehushtheyheardfromthebottomofthechestthesharplydefinedsounds:
　　`Notquite……Soon。’
　　Andaminutelaterthefacebrightened，asmilecameoutunderthemustaches，andthewomenwhohadgatheredroundbegancarefullylayingoutthecorpse。
　　Thesightofhisbrother，andthenearnessofdeath，revivedinLevinthatsenseofhorrorinthefaceoftheinsolvableenigma，togetherwiththenearnessandinevitabilityofdeath，thathadcomeuponhimthatautumneveningwhenhisbrotherhadcometohim。Thisfeelingwasnowevenstrongerthanbefore；evenlessthanbeforedidhefeelcapableofapprehendingthemeaningofdeath，anditsinevitabilityroseupbeforehimmoreterriblethanever。Butnow，thankstohiswife’spresence，thatfeelingdidnotreducehimtodespair。Inspiteofdeath，hefelttheneedoflifeandlove。Hefeltthatlovesavedhimfromdespair，andthathislove，underthemenaceofdespair，hadbecomestillstrongerandpurer。
　　Theonemysteryofdeath，stillunsolved，hadscarcelypassedbeforehiseyes，whenanothermysteryhadarisen，asinsoluble，urginghimtoloveandtolife。
　　ThedoctorconfirmedhisformersuppositionsinregardtoKitty。
　　Herindispositionconsistedofpregnancy。
　　[NextChapter][TableofContents]
　　TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter21[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter21FromthemomentwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichunderstoodfromhisinterviewswithBetsyandwithStepanArkadyevichthatallthatwasexpectedofhimwastoleavehiswifeinpeace，withoutburdeningherwithhispresence，andthathiswifeherselfdesiredthis，hefeltsodistraughtthathecouldcometonodecisionbyhimself；hedidnotknowhimselfwhathewantednow，and，puttinghimselfinthehandsofthosewhoweresopleasedtointerestthemselvesinhisaffairs，hemeteverythingwithunqualifiedassent。ItwasonlywhenAnnahadlefthishouse，andtheEnglishgovernesssenttoaskhimwhethersheshoulddinewithhimorseparately，thatforthefirsttimeheclearlycomprehendedhisposition，andwasappalledbyit。
　　Mostdifficultofallinthispositionwasthefactthathecouldnotinanywayconnectandreconcilehispastwiththepresent。Itwasnotthepastwhenhehadlivedhappilywithhiswifethattroubledhim。
　　Thetransitionfromthatpasttoaknowledgeofhiswife’sunfaithfulnesshehadalreadylivedthroughmiserably；thatstatehadbeenpainful，buthecouldunderstandit。Ifhiswifehadthen，ondeclaringtohimherunfaithfulness，lefthim，hewouldhavebeenwounded，unhappy，buthewouldnothavebeeninthehopelessposition-incomprehensibletohimself-inwhichhefelthimselfnow。Hecouldnotnowreconcilehisimmediatepast，histenderness，hisloveforhissickwife，andfortheotherman’schildwithwhatwasnowthecase-withthefactthat，seeminglyinreturnforallthis，henowfoundhimselfalone，puttoshame，alaughingstock，neededbynoone，anddespisedbyeveryone。
　　Forthefirsttwodaysafterhiswife’sdepartureAlexeiAlexandrovichreceivedpetitionersandhisheadclerk，drovetothecommittee，andwentdowntodinnerinthediningroomasusual。Withoutgivinghimselfareasonforwhathewasdoing，hestrainedeverynerveofhisbeingforthosetwodays，simplytopreserveanappearanceofcomposure，andevenofindifference。
　　AnsweringinquiriesaboutthedispositionofAnnaArkadyevna’sroomsandbelongings，hehadexercisedimmenseself-controltoappearlikeamaninwhoseeyeswhathadoccurredwasnotunforeseennoroutoftheordinarycourseofevents，andheattainedhisaim:noonecouldhavedetectedinhimanysignsofdespair。Butontheseconddayafterherdeparture，whenKorneigavehimabillfromafashionabledraper’sshop，whichAnnahadforgottentopay，andannouncedthattheshopmanwaswaiting，AlexeiAlexandrovichtoldhimtoshowthemanup。
　　`Excuseme，YourExcellency，forventuringtotroubleyou。ButifyoudirectustoapplytoHerExcellency，wouldyougraciouslyobligeuswithheraddress？’
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichpondered，asitseemedtotheshopman，andallatonce，turninground，hesatdowntothetable。Buryinghisheadinhishands，hesatforalongwhileinthatposition，madeseveralattemptstospeak，andstoppedshort。
　　Kornei，perceivinghismaster’semotion，askedtheshopmantocallanothertime。Leftalone，AlexeiAlexandrovichrealizedthathehadnotthestrengthtokeepuptheroleoffirmnessandcomposureanylonger。
　　Hegaveordersforthecarriagethatwasawaitinghimtobetakenback，andfornoonetobeadmitted，andhedidnotgodowntodinner。
　　Hefeltthathecouldnotenduretheweightofuniversalcontemptandexasperation，whichhehaddistinctlyseeninthefacesoftheshopmanandofKorneiandofeveryone，withoutexception，whomhehadmetduringthesetwodays。Hefeltthathecouldnotturnasidefromhimselfthehatredofmen，becausethathatreddidnotcomefromhisbeingbadinthatcasehecouldhavetriedtobebetter，butfromhisbeingshamefullyandrepulsivelyunhappy。Heknewthatforthis，fortheveryfactthathisheartwastornwithgrief，theywouldbemercilesstohim。Hefeltthatmenwouldcrushhimasdogsstrangleamangleddog，yelpingwithpain。Heknewthathissolemeansofsecurityagainstpeoplewastohidehiswoundsfromthem，andinstinctivelyhetriedtodothisfortwodays，butnowhefeltincapableofkeepinguptheunequalstruggle。
　　Hisdespairwasevenintensifiedbytheconsciousnessthathewasutterlyaloneinhissorrow。InallPeterburgtherewasnotahumanbeingtowhomhecouldexpresswhathewasfeeling，whowouldfeelforhim，notasahighofficial，notasamemberofsociety，butsimplyasasufferingman；indeed，hehadnotsuchaoneinthewholeworld。
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichgrewupanorphan。Thereweretwobrothers。
　　Theydidnotremembertheirfather，andtheirmotherdiedwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichwastenyearsold。Thepropertywasasmallone。Theiruncle，Karenin，agovernmentofficialofhighstanding，atonetimeafavoriteofthelateCzar，hadbroughtthemup。
　　Oncompletinghishighschoolanduniversitycourseswithmedals，AlexeiAlexandrovichhad，withhisuncle’said，immediatelystartedinaprominentpositionintheservice，andfromthattimeforwardhehaddevotedhimselfexclusivelytopoliticalambition。Inthehighschoolandtheuniversity，andafterwardintheservice，AlexeiAlexandrovichhadneverformedaclosefriendshipwithanyone。Hisbrotherhadbeenthepersonnearesttohisheart，buthehadapostintheMinistryofForeignAffairs，andwasalwaysabroad，wherehehaddiedshortlyafterAlexeiAlexandrovich’smarriage。
　　Whilehewasgovernorofaprovince，Anna’saunt，awealthyprovinciallady，hadbroughthim-middle-agedashewas，thoughyoungforagovernor-togetherwithherniece，andhadsucceededinputtinghiminsuchapositionthathehadeithertodeclarehimselfortoleavetown。AlexeiAlexandrovichhesitatedagreatwhile。Therewereatthetimeasmanyreasonsforthestepasagainstit，andtherewasnooverbalancingconsiderationtooutweighhisinvariableruleofabstainingwhenindoubt。ButAnna’saunthadthroughacommonacquaintanceinsinuatedthathehadalreadycompromisedthegirl，andthathewasinhonorboundtoproposetoher。Heproposed，andconcentratedonhisbetrothedandhiswifeallthefeelingofwhichhewascapable。
　　TheattachmenthefelttoAnnaprecludedinhishearteveryneedofintimaterelationswithothers。Andnow，amongallhisacquaintances，hehadnotonefriend。Hehadplentyofso-calledconnections，butnofriendships。
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichhadplentyofpeoplewhomhecouldinvitetodinner，towhosesympathyhecouldappealinanypublicaffairhewasconcernedabout，whoseinteresthecouldreckonuponforanyonehewishedtohelp，withwhomhecouldcandidlydiscussotherpeople’sbusinessandaffairsofstate。Buthisrelationswiththesepeoplewereconfinedtooneclearlydefinedchannel，andhadacertainroutinefromwhichitwasimpossibletodepart。Therewasoneman，acomradeofhisattheuniversity，withwhomhehadbecomefriendlylater，andwithwhomhecouldhavespokenofapersonalsorrow；butthisfriendhadapostintheDepartmentofEducationinaremotepartofRussia。OfthepeopleinPeterburgthemostintimateandmostlikelywerehisheadclerkandhisdoctor。
　　MikhailVassilievichSludin，theheadclerk，wasastraightforward，intelligent，goodheartedandconscientiousman，andAlexeiAlexandrovichwasawareofhispersonalgoodwill。Buttheirfiveyearsofofficialworktogetherseemedtohaveputabarrierbetweenthemthatcutoffwarmerrelations。
　　Aftersigningthepapersbroughthim，AlexeiAlexandrovichhadsatforalongwhileinsilence，glancingatMikhailVassilievich，andseveraltimesheattemptedtospeak，butcouldnot。Hehadalreadypreparedthephrase:`Youhaveheardofmytrouble？’Butheendedbysayingasusual:
　　`Soyou’llgetthisreadyforme？’andwiththatdismissedhim。
　　Theotherpersonwasthedoctor，whohadalsoakindlyfeelingforhim；buttherehadlongexistedasilentunderstandingbetweenthemthatbothwereweigheddownbywork，andalwaysinahurry。
　　Ofhiswomenfriends，foremostamongthemCountessLidiaIvanovna，AlexeiAlexandrovichneverthought。Allwomen，simplyaswomen，wereterribleanddistastefultohim。
　　[NextChapter][TableofContents]
　　TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter22[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter22AlexeiAlexandrovichhadforgottentheCountessLidiaIvanovnabutshehadnotforgottenhim。Atthebitterestmomentofhislonelydespairshecametohim，and，withoutwaitingtobeannounced，walkedstraightintohisstudy。Shefoundhimashewassittingwithhisheadinbothhands。
　　`J’aiforcé；laconsigne，’shesaid，walkinginwithrapidstepsandbreathinghardwithexcitementandrapidexertion。`Ihaveheardall！AlexeiAlexandrovich！Dearfriend！’shewenton，warmlysqueezinghishandinbothofhersandgazingwithherfinepensiveeyesintohis。
　　AlexeiAlexandrovich，frowning，gotup，and，disengaginghishand，movedachairupforher。
　　`Won’tyousitdown，Countess？I’mseeingnoonebecauseI’munwell，Countess，’hesaid，andhislipstwitched。
　　`Dearfriend！’repeatedCountessLidiaIvanovna，nevertakinghereyesoffhis，andsuddenlyhereyebrowsroseattheinnercorners，describingatriangleonherforehead，heruglyyellowfacebecomingstilluglier，butAlexeiAlexandrovichfeltthatshewassorryforhimandwaspreparingtocry。Andhetoowassoftened；hesnatchedherplumphandandproceededtokissit。
　　`Dearfriend！’shesaidinavoicebreakingwithemotion。`Yououghtnottogivewaytogrief。Yoursorrowisagreatone，butyououghttofindconsolation。’
　　`Iamcrushed，Iamannihilated，Iamnolongeraman！’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，lettinggoherhand，butstillgazingintoherbrimmingeyes。`MypositionissoawfulbecauseIcanfindnowhere，Icannotfindwithinme，strengthtosupportme。’
　　`Youwillfindsupport；seekit-notinme，thoughIbeseechyoutobelieveinmyfriendship，’shesaid，withasigh。`Oursupportislove，thatlovethatHehasvouchsafedus。Hisburdenislight，’shesaid，withthelookofecstasyAlexeiAlexandrovichknewsowell。`Hewillbeyoursupportandyoursuccor。’
　　Althoughtherewasinthesewordsaflavorofthatsentimentalemotionatherownloftyfeelings，andthatnewmysticalfervorwhichhadlatelygainedgroundinPeterburg，andwhichseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichdisproportionate，stillitwaspleasanttohimtohearthisnow。
　　`Iamweak。Iamcrushed。Iforesawnothing，andnowIunderstandnothing。’
　　`Dearfriend！’repeatedLidiaIvanovna。
　　`It’snotthelossofwhatInolongerhave；it’snotthat！’pursuedAlexeiAlexandrovich。`Idonotgrieveforthat。ButIcannothelpfeelingashamedbeforeotherpeopleforthepositionIamplacedin。Itiswrong，butIcan’thelpit-Ican’thelpit。’
　　`Itwasnotyouwhoperformedthatnobleactofforgiveness，atwhichIwasmovedtoecstasy，andeveryoneelsetoo，butHe，workingwithinyourheart，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，raisinghereyesrapturously，`andsoyoucannotbeashamedofyouract。’
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichknithisbrows，and，crookinghishands，hecrackedhisfingers。
　　`Onemustknowallthedetails，’hesaidinhishighvoice。`A
　　man’sstrengthhasitslimits，Countess，andIhavereachedmylimits。
　　ThewholedayIhavehadtobemakingarrangements，arrangementsabouthouseholdmattersarising’heemphasizedthewordarising`frommynew，solitaryposition。Theservants，thegoverness，theaccounts……Thesepinprickshavestabbedmetotheheart，andIhavenotthestrengthtobearit。Atdinner……yesterday，Iwasalmostgettingupfromthedinnertable。Icouldnotbearthewaymysonlookedatme。Hedidnotaskmethemeaningofitall，buthewantedtoask，andIcouldnotbearthelookinhiseyes。Hewasafraidtolookatme，butthatisnotall……’AlexeiAlexandrovichwouldhavereferredtothebillthathadbeenbroughthim，buthisvoiceshook，andhestopped。Thatbillonbluepaper，forahatandribbons，hecouldnotrecallwithoutarushofself-pity。
　　`Iunderstand，dearfriend，’saidLidiaIvanovna。`Iunderstanditall。Succorandcomfortyouwillfindnotinme，thoughIhavecomeonlytoaidyou，ifIcan。IfIcouldtakefromoffyouallthesepetty，humiliatingcares……Iunderstandthatawoman’sword，awoman’ssuperintendence，isneeded。Youwillintrustittome？’
　　SilentlyandgratefullyAlexeiAlexandrovichsqueezedherhand。
　　`TogetherwewilltakecareofSeriozha。Practicalaffairsarenotmystrongpoint。ButIwillsettowork。Iwillbeyourhousekeeper。
　　Don’tthankme。Idoitnotfrommyself……’
　　`Icannothelpthankingyou。’
　　`But，dearfriend，donotgivewaytothefeelingofwhichyouspoke-beingashamedofwhatistheChristian’shighestglory:hewhohumbleshimselfshallbeexalted。Andyoucannotthankme。YoumustthankHim，andpraytoHimforsuccor。InHimalonewefindpeace，consolation，salvation，andlove，’shesaid，andturninghereyesheavenward，shebeganpraying，asAlexeiAlexandrovichgatheredfromhersilence。
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichlistenedtohernow，andthoseexpressionswhichhadseemedtohim，ifnotdistasteful，atleastexaggerated，nowseemedtohimnaturalandconsolatory。AlexeiAlexandrovichhaddislikedthisnewenthusiasticfervor。Hewasabeliever，whowasinterestedinreligionprimarilyinitspoliticalaspect，andthenewdoctrinewhichventureduponseveralnewinterpretations，justbecauseitpavedthewaytodiscussionandanalysis，wasinprincipledisagreeabletohim。Hehadhithertotakenupacoldandevenantagonisticattitudetothisnewdoctrine，andwithCountessLidiaIvanovna，whohadbeencarriedawaybyit，hehadneverargued，butbysilencehadassiduouslyparriedherattemptstoprovokehimintoargument。Nowforthefirsttimeheheardherwordswithpleasure，anddidnotinwardlyopposethem。
　　`Iamvery，verygratefultoyou，bothforyourdeedsandforyourwords，’hesaid，whenshehadfinishedpraying。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnaoncemoresqueezedbothofherfriend’shands。
　　`NowIwillenteruponmyduties，’shesaidwithasmileafterapause，asshewipedawaythetracesoftears。`IamgoingtoSeriozha。
　　OnlyinthelastextremityshallIapplytoyou。’Andshegotupandwentout。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnawentintoSeriozha’spartofthehouse，and，droppingtearsonthescaredchild’scheeks，shetoldhimthathisfatherwasasaintandhismotherwasdead。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnakeptherpromise。ShedidactuallytakeuponherselfthecareoftheorganizationandmanagementofAlexeiAlexandrovich’shousehold。Butshehadnotoverstatedthecasewhensayingthatpracticalaffairswerenotherstrongpoint。Allherarrangementshadtobemodifiedbecausetheycouldnotbecarriedout，andtheyweremodifiedbyKornei，AlexeiAlexandrovich’svalet，who，thoughnoonewasawareofthefact，nowmanagedKarenin’shousehold，andquietlyanddiscreetlyreportedtohismaster，whilethelatterwasdressing，allitwasnecessaryforhimtoknow。ButLidiaIvanovna’shelpwasnonethelessreal；shegaveAlexeiAlexandrovichmoralsupportintheconsciousnessofherloveandrespectforhim，andstillmoreasitwassoothingtohertobelievebyhavingalmostturnedhimtoChristianity-thatis，fromanindifferentandapatheticbelievershehadturnedhimintoanardentandsteadfastadherentofthenewinterpretationofChristiandoctrine，whichhadbeengaininggroundoflateinPeterburg。ItwaseasyforAlexeiAlexandrovichtobelieveinthisteaching。AlexeiAlexandrovich，likeLidiaIvanovnaindeed，andotherswhosharedtheirviews，wascompletelydevoidofprofundityofimagination，thatspiritualfacultyinvirtueofwhichtheideasevokedbytheimaginationbecomesoactualthattheymustneedsbeinharmonywithotherideas，andwithrealityitself。Hesawnothingimpossibleandabsurdintheideathatdeath，thoughexistingforunbelievers，didnotexistforhim，andthat，ashewaspossessedofthemostperfectfaith，ofthemeasureofwhichhewashimselfthejudge，therewasthereforenosininhissoul，andhewasexperiencingcompletesalvationhereonearth。
　　ItistruethattheerroneousnessandshallownessofthisconceptionofhisfaithwasdimlyperceptibletoAlexeiAlexandrovich，andheknewthatwhen，withouttheslightestideathathisforgivenesswastheactionofahigherpower，hehadsurrendereddirectlytothefeelingofforgiveness，hehadfeltmorehappinessthannow，whenhewasthinkingeveryinstantthatChristwasinhisheart，andthatinsigningofficialpapershewasdoingHiswill。ButforAlexeiAlexandrovichitwasanecessitytothinkinthatway；itwassuchanecessityforhiminhishumiliationtohavesomeelevatedstandpoint，howeverimaginary，fromwhich，lookeddownuponbyall，hecouldlookdownonothers，thatheclung，astohisonesalvation，tohisdelusionofsalvation。
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　　TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter23[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter23TheCountessLidiaIvanovnahad，asaveryyoungandenthusiasticgirl，beenmarriedtoawealthymanofhighrank，averygood-natured，jovial，andextremelydissipatedrake。Onemonthaftermarriageherhusbandabandonedher，andherenthusiasticprotestationsofaffectionhemetwithanironyandevenhostilitywhichpeople，knowingtheCount’sgoodheart，andseeingnodefectsintheenthusiasticLidia，wereatalosstoexplain。Thoughtheyweredivorcedandlivedapart，yetwheneverthehusbandmetthewife，heinvariablybehavedtoherwiththesamemalignantirony，thecauseofwhichwasincomprehensible。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnahadlonggivenupbeinginlovewithherhusband，butfromthattimeshehadnevergivenupbeinginlovewithsomeone。
　　Shewasinlovewithseveralpeopleatonce，bothmenandwomen；shehadbeeninlovewithalmosteveryonewhohadbeenparticularlydistinguishedinanyway。ShewasinlovewithallthenewprincesandprincesseswhomarriedintotheImperialfamily；shehadbeeninlovewithonearchbishop，onevicar，andoneparishpriest；shehadbeeninlovewithonejournalist，threeSlavophils，withKomissarov，withoneminister，onedoctor，oneEnglishmissionary，andKarenin。Allthesepassions，constantlywaningorgrowingmoreardent，didnotpreventherfromkeepingupthemostextendedandcomplicatedrelationswiththeCourtandfashionablesociety。Butfromthetimethat，afterKarenin’strouble，shehadtakenhimunderspecialprotection，fromthetimethatshehadsettoworkinKarenin’shouseholdlookingafterhiswelfare，shefeltthatallherotherattachmentswerenottherealthing，andthatshewasnowgenuinelyinlove，andwithnoonebutKarenin。Thefeelingshenowexperiencedforhimseemedtoherstrongerthananyofherformerfeelings。Analyzingherfeeling，andcomparingitwithformerpassions，shedistinctlyperceivedthatshewouldnothavebeeninlovewithKomissarovifhehadnotsavedthelifeoftheCzar；
　　thatshewouldnothavebeeninlovewithRistich-KudzhitskyiftherehadbeennoSlavonicquestion；butthatshelovedKareninforhimself，forhislofty，uncomprehendedsoul，forthesweet-toher-highnotesofhisvoice，forhisdrawlingintonation，hiswearyeyes，hischaracter，andhissoftwhitehandswiththeirswollenveins。Shewasnotsimplyoverjoyedatmeetinghim，butshesoughtinhisfacesignsoftheimpressionshewasmakingonhim。Shetriedtopleasehim，notbyherwordsonly，butinherwholeperson。Forhissakeitwasthatshenowlavishedmorecareonherdressthanbefore。Shecaughtherselfinreveriesonwhatmighthavebeen，ifshehadnotbeenmarriedandhehadbeenfree。Sheblushedwithemotionwhenhecameintotheroom，shecouldnotrepressasmileofrapturewhenhesaidanythingamiabletoher。
　　ForseveraldaysnowCountessLidiaIvanovnahadbeeninastateofintenseexcitement。ShehadlearnedthatAnnaandVronskywereinPeterburg。
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichmustbesavedfromseeingher，hemustbesavedevenfromthetorturingknowledgethatthatawfulwomanwasinthesametownwithhim，andthathemightmeetheranyminute。
　　LidiaIvanovnamadeinquiriesthroughherfriendsastowhatthoseshockingpeople，asshecalledAnnaandVronsky，intendeddoing，andsheendeavoredsotoguideeverymovementofherfriendduringthosedaysthathemightnotcomeacrossthem。Theyoungadjutant，afriendofVronsky，throughwhomsheobtainedherinformation，andwhohopedthroughCountessLidiaIvanovnatoobtainaconcession，toldherthattheyhadfinishedtheirbusinessandweregoingawaynextday。LidiaIvanovnahadalreadybeguntocalmdown，whenthenextmorninganotewasbroughther，thehandwritingofwhichsherecognizedwithhorror。ItwasthehandwritingofAnnaKarenina。
　　Theenvelopewasofpaperasthickasbast；ontheoblongyellowpapertherewasahugemonogram，andthelettersmeltofagreeablescent。
　　`Whobroughtit？’
　　`Acommissionairefromthehotel。’
　　ItwassometimebeforeCountessLidiaIvanovnacouldsitdowntoreadtheletter。Herexcitementbroughtonanattackofasthma，towhichshewassubject。Whenshehadrecoveredhercomposure，shereadthefollowingletterinFrench:
　　`MADAMELACOMTESSE-TheChristianfeelingswithwhichyourheartisfilledgivemethe，Ifeel，unpardonableboldnesstowritetoyou。Iammiserableatbeingseparatedfrommyson。Ientreatpermissiontoseehimoncebeforemydeparture。Forgivemeforrecallingmyselftoyourmemory。IapplytoyouandnottoAlexeiAlexandrovich，simplybecauseIdonotwishtocausethatgenerousmantosufferinrememberingme。Knowingyourfriendshipforhim，Iknowyouwillunderstandme。CouldyousendSeriozhatome，orshouldIcometothehouseatsomefixedhour，orwillyouletmeknowwhenandwhereIcouldseehimawayfromhome？Idonotanticipatearefusal，knowingthemagnanimityofhimwithwhomitrests。
　　YoucannotconceivethecravingIhavetoseehim，andsocannotconceivethegratitudeyourhelpwillarouseinme。
　　ANNA’EverythinginthisletterexasperatedCountessLidiaIvanovna:itscontents，andtheallusiontomagnanimity，andespeciallyitsfreeandeasy-assheconsidered-tone。
　　`Saythatthereisnoanswer，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，andimmediatelyopeningherblottingbook，shewrotetoAlexeiAlexandrovichthatshehopedtoseehimatoneo’clockatthelevee。
　　`Imusttalkwithyouofagraveandpainfulsubject。Therewewillarrangewheretomeet。Bestofallatmyhouse，whereIwillorderteaasyoulikeit。Urgent。Helaysthecross，butHegivesthestrengthtobearit，’sheadded，soastogivehimsomeslightpreparation。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnausuallywrotesometwoorthreelettersadaytoAlexeiAlexandrovich。Sheenjoyedthatformofcommunication，whichgaveopportunityforarefinementandairofmysterynotaffordedbytheirpersonalinterviews。
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　　TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter24[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter24Theleveewasdrawingtoaclose。Peoplemetastheyweregoingaway，andgossipedofthelatestnews，ofthenewlybestowedhonors，andthechangesinthepositionsofthehigherfunctionaries。
　　`IfonlyCountessMaryaBorissovnawereMinisterofWar，andPrincessVatkovskywereCommanderinChief，’saidagray-headed，littleoldmaninagold-embroidereduniform，addressingatall，handsomemaidofhonorwhohadquestionedhimaboutthenewappointments。
　　`AndifIwereoneoftheadjutants，’saidthemaidofhonor，smiling。
　　`Youhaveanappointmentalready。You’reovertheEcclesiasticalDepartment。Andyourassistant’sKarenin。’
　　`Goodday，Prince！’saidthelittleoldmantoamanwhocameuptohim。
　　`WhatwereyousayingofKarenin？’saidthePrince。
　　`HeandPutiatovhavereceivedtheorderofAlexandreNevsky。’
　　`Ithoughthehaditalready。’
　　`No。Justlookathim，’saidthelittleoldman，pointingwithhisembroideredhattoKarenininaCourtuniform，withthenewredribbonacrosshisshoulders，standinginthedoorwayofthehallwithaninfluentialmemberoftheImperialCouncil。`Pleasedandhappyasbrass，’headded，stoppingtoshakehandswithahandsomegentlemanofthebedchamberofcolossalproportions。
　　`No-he’slookingolder，’saidthegentlemanofthebedchamber。
　　`Fromoverwork。He’salwaysdrawingupprojectsnowadays。Hewon’tletapoordevilgonowadaystillhe’sexplaineditalltohimunderheads。’
　　`Lookingolder，didyousay？Ilfaitdespassions。IbelieveCountessLidiaIvanovna’sjealousnowofhiswife。’
　　`Oh，comenow，pleasedon’tsayanyharmofCountessLidiaIvanovna。’
　　`Why，isthereanyharminherbeinginlovewithKarenin？’
　　`ButisittrueMadameKarenina’shere？’
　　`Well，nothereinthepalace，butinPeterburg。ImetheryesterdaywithAlexeiVronsky，brasdessus，brasdessous，ontheMorskaia。’
　　`C’estunhommequin’apas……’thegentlemanofthebedchamberwasbeginning，buthestoppedtomakeroom，bowing，foramemberoftheImperialfamilytopass。
　　ThuspeopletalkedincessantlyofAlexeiAlexandrovich，findingfaultwithhimandlaughingathim，whilehe，blockingupthewayofthememberoftheImperialCouncilhehadcaptured，wasexplainingtohimpointbypointhisnewfinancialproject，neverinterruptinghisdiscourseforaninstantforfearheshouldescape。
　　AlmostatthesametimethathiswifeleftAlexeiAlexandrovichtherehadcometohimthatbitterestmomentinthelifeofanofficial-themomentwhenhisupwardcareercomestoafullstop。Thisfullstophadarrivedandeveryoneperceivedit，butAlexeiAlexandrovichhimselfwasnotyetawarethathiscareerwasover。WhetheritwasduetohisfeudwithStremov，orhismisfortunewithhiswife，orsimplythatAlexeiAlexandrovichhadreachedhispredestinedlimits，ithadbecomeevidenttoeveryoneinthecourseofthatyearthathiscareerwasatanend。Hestillfilledapositionofconsequence，hesatonmanycommissionsandcommittees，buthewasamanwhosedaywasover，andfromwhomnothingwasexpected。Whateverhesaid，whateverheproposed，washeardasthoughitweresomethinglongfamiliar，andtheverythingthatwasnotneeded。ButAlexeiAlexandrovichwasnotawareofthis，and，onthecontrary，beingcutofffromdirectparticipationingovernmentalactivity，hesawmoreclearlythanevertheerrorsanddefectsintheactionofothers，andthoughtithisdutytopointoutmeansfortheircorrection。Shortlyafterhisseparationfromhiswife，hebeganwritinghisfirstnoteonthenewjudicialprocedure，thefirstoftheendlessseriesofnoteshewasdestinedtowriteinthefuture。
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichdidnotmerelyfailtoobservehishopelesspositionintheofficialworld，hewasnotmerelyfreefromanxietyonthishead-hewaspositivelymoresatisfiedthaneverwithhisownactivity。
　　`Hethatismarriedcarethforthethingsoftheworld，howhemaypleasehiswife；hethatisunmarriedcarethforthethingsthatbelongtotheLord，howhemaypleasetheLord，’saystheApostlePaul，andAlexeiAlexandrovich，whowasnowguidedineveryactionbyScripture，oftenrecalledthistext。Itseemedtohimthateversincehehadbeenleftwithoutawife，hehad，intheseveryprojectsofreform，beenservingtheLordmorezealouslythanever。
　　TheunmistakableimpatienceofthememberoftheCounciltryingtogetawayfromhimdidnottroubleAlexeiAlexandrovich；hegaveuphisexpositiononlywhenthememberoftheCouncil，seizinghischancewhenoneoftheImperialfamilywaspassing，slippedawayfromhim。
　　Leftalone，AlexeiAlexandrovichlookeddown，collectinghisthoughts，thenlookedcasuallyabouthimandwalkedtowardthedoor，wherehehopedtomeetCountessLidiaIvanovna。
　　`Andhowstrongtheyallare-howsoundphysically，’thoughtAlexeiAlexandrovich，lookingatthepowerfullybuiltgentlemanofthebedchamberwithhiswell-groomed，perfumedwhiskers，andattheredneckofthePrince，pinchedbyhistightuniform。Hehadtopassthemonhisway。`Trulyisitsaidthatalltheworldisevil，’hethought，withanothersidelongglanceatthecalvesofthegentlemanofthebedchamber。
　　Movingforwarddeliberately，AlexeiAlexandrovichbowedwithhiscustomaryairofwearinessanddignitytothegentlemanwhohadbeentalkingabouthim，and，lookingtowardthedoor，hiseyessoughtCountessLidiaIvanovna。
　　`Ah！AlexeiAlexandrovich！’saidthelittleoldman，withamaliciouslightinhiseyes，atthemomentwhenKareninhadcomeuptothem，andwasnoddingwithafrigidgesture。`Ihaven’tcongratulatedyouyet，’saidtheoldman，pointingtohisnewlyreceivedribbon。
　　`Thankyou，’answeredAlexeiAlexandrovich。`Whatanexquisitedaytoday，’headded，layingemphasisinhispeculiarwayonthewordexquisite。
　　Thattheylaughedathimhewaswellaware，buthedidnotexpectanythingbuthostilityfromthem；hewasusedtothatbynow。
　　CatchingsightoftheyellowshouldersofLidiaIvanovnajuttingoutabovehercorset，andherfinepensiveeyessummoninghimtoher，AlexeiAlexandrovichsmiled，revealinguntarnishedwhiteteeth，andwenttowardher。
　　LidiaIvanovna’sdresshadcosthergreatpains，asindeedallherdresseshaddoneoflate。Heraimindresswasnowquitethereverseofwhatshehadpursuedthirtyyearsbefore。Thenherdesirehadbeentoadornherselfwithsomething，andthemoreadornedthebetter。Now，onthecontrary，shewasperforcedeckedoutinawaysoinconsistentwithherageandherfigure，thatheroneanxietywastocontrivethatthecontrastbetweentheseadornmentsandherownexteriorshouldnotbetooappalling。
　　AndasfarasAlexeiAlexandrovichwasconcernedshesucceeded，andwasinhiseyesattractive。Forhimshewastheoneislandnotonlyofgoodwilltohim，butofloveinthemidstoftheseaofhostilityandjeeringthatsurroundedhim。
　　Passingthroughrowsofironicaleyes，hewasdrawnasnaturallytoherlovingglanceasaplanttothesun。
　　`Icongratulateyou，’shesaidtohim，hereyesonhisribbon。
　　Suppressingasmileofpleasure，heshruggedhisshoulders，closinghiseyes，asthoughtosaythatthatcouldnotbeasourceofjoytohim。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnawasverywellawarethatitwasoneofhischiefsourcesofsatisfaction，thoughheneveradmittedit。
　　`Howisourangel？’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，meaningSeriozha。
　　`Ican’tsayIwasquitepleasedwithhim，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，raisinghiseyebrowsandopeninghiseyes。`AndSitnikovisnotsatisfiedwithhim。’SitnikovwasthetutortowhomSeriozha’sseculareducationhadbeenintrusted。`AsIhavementionedtoyou，there’sasortofcoldnessinhimtowardthemostimportantquestionswhichoughttotouchtheheartofeverymanandeverychild……’AlexeiAlexandrovichbeganexpoundinghisviewsonthesolequestionthatinterestedhimoutsidetheservice-theeducationofhisson。
　　WhenAlexeiAlexandrovich，withLidiaIvanovna’shelp，hadbeenbroughtbackanewtolifeandactivity，hefeltithisdutytoundertaketheeducationofthesonleftonhishands。Havingneverbeforetakenanyinterestineducationalquestions，AlexeiAlexandrovichdevotedsometimetothetheoreticalstudyofthesubject。Afterreadingseveralbooksonanthropology，education，anddidactics，AlexeiAlexandrovichdrewupaplanofeducation，and，engagingthebesttutorinPeterburgtosuperintendit，hesettowork，andthesubjectcontinuallyabsorbedhim。
　　`Yes-buttheheart！Iseeinhimhisfather’sheart，andwithsuchaheartachildcannotgofarwrong，’saidLidiaIvanovnawithenthusiasm。
　　`Yes，perhaps……Asforme，Idomyduty。It’sallIcando。’
　　`You’recomingtome，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，afterapause；
　　`wehavetospeakofasubjectpainfulforyou。Iwouldgiveanythingtohavesparedyoucertainmemories，butothersarenotofthesamemind。
　　Ihavereceivedaletterfromher。SheishereinPeterburg。’
　　AlexeiAlexandrovichshudderedattheallusiontohiswife，butimmediatelyhisfaceassumedthedeathlikerigiditywhichexpressedutterhelplessnessinthematter。
　　`Iwasexpectingit，’hesaid。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnalookedathimecstatically，andtearsofraptureatthegreatnessofhissoulcameintohereyes。
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　　TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter25[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter25WhenAlexeiAlexandrovichcameintotheCountessLidiaIvanovna’ssnuglittleboudoir，decoratedwitholdchinaandhungwithportraits，theladyherselfhadnotyetmadeherappearance。
　　Shewaschangingherdress。
　　Aclothwaslaidonaroundtable，andonitstoodachinateaserviceandasilverteakettleandspiritlamp。AlexeiAlexandrovichlookedidlyaboutattheendlessfamiliarportraitswhichadornedtheroom，and，sittingdowntothetable，heopenedaNewTestamentlyinguponit。TherustleoftheCountess’ssilkskirtdrewhisattentionoff。
　　`Well，now，wecansitquietly，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，slippinghurriedlywithanagitatedsmilebetweenthetableandthesofa，`andtalkoverourtea。’
　　Aftersomewordsofpreparation，CountessLidiaIvanovna，breathinghardandflushingcrimson，gaveintoAlexeiAlexandrovich’shandsthelettershehadreceived。
　　Afterreadingtheletter，hesatalongwhileinsilence。
　　`Idon’tthinkIhavetherighttorefuseher，’hesaid，timidlyliftinghiseyes。
　　`Dearfriend，youneverseeevilinanyone！’
　　`Onthecontrary，Iseethatallisevil。Butwhetheritisjust……’
　　Hisfaceshowedirresolution，andaseekingforcounsel，support，andguidance，inamatterhedidnotunderstand。
　　`No，’CountessLidiaIvanovnainterruptedhim；`therearelimitstoeverything。Icanunderstandimmorality，’shesaid，notquitetruthfully，sinceshenevercouldunderstandthatwhichleadswomentoimmorality；
　　`butIdon’tunderstandcruelty-towhom？Toyou！Howcanshestayinthetownwhereyouare？No，thelongeronelivesthemoreonelearns。AndI’mlearningtounderstandyourloftinessandherbaseness。’
　　`Whoistocastastone？’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，unmistakablypleasedwiththeparthehadtoplay。`Ihaveforgivenall，andsoIcannotdepriveherofwhatisexactedbyloveinher-byherloveforherson……’
　　`Butisthatlove，myfriend？Isitsincere？Admittingthatyouhaveforgiven-thatyouforgive……havewetherighttoworkonthesoulofthatangel？Helooksonherasdead。Hepraysforher，andbeseechesGodtohavemercyonhersins。Anditisbetterso。Butnowwhatwillhethink？’
　　`Ihadnotthoughtofthat，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，evidentlyagreeing。
　　CountessLidiaIvanovnahidherfaceinherhandsandwassilent。
　　Shewaspraying。
　　`Ifyouaskmyadvice，’shesaid，havingfinishedherprayeranduncoveredherface，`Idonotadviseyoutodothis。DoyousupposeIdon’tseehowyouaresuffering，howthishastornopenyourwounds？Butsupposingthat，asalways，youdon’tthinkofyourself-whatcanitleadto？-Tofreshsufferingforyou，totortureforthechild。Iftherewereatraceofhumanityleftinher，sheoughtnottowishitherself。No，IhavenohesitationinsayingIadviseagainstit，andifyouwillintrustittome，Iwillwritetoher。’
　　AndAlexeiAlexandrovichconsented，andCountessLidiaIvanovnasentthefollowingletterinFrench:
　　`DEARMADAME-Toberemindedofyoumightresultinyourson’saskingquestions，whichcouldnotbeansweredwithoutimplantinginthechild’ssoulaspiritofcensuretowardwhatshouldbeforhimsacred，andthereforeIbegyoutointerpretyourhusband’srefusalinthespiritofChristianlove。IpraytoAlmightyGodtohavemercyonyou。
　　COUNTESSLIDIA’ThisletterattainedthesecretobjectwhichCountessLidiaIvanovnahadconcealedfromherself。ItwoundedAnnatothequick。
　　Forhispart，AlexeiAlexandrovich，onreturninghomefromLidiaIvanovna’s，couldnotallthatdayconcentratehimselfonhisusualpursuits，andfindthatspiritualpeaceofonesavedandbelievingwhichhehadfeltoflate。
　　Thethoughtofhiswife，whohadsogreatlysinnedagainsthim，andtowardwhomhehadbeensosaintly，asCountessLidiaIvanovnahadsojustlytoldhim，oughtnottohavetroubledhim；buthewasnoteasy；
　　hecouldnotunderstandthebookhewasreading；hecouldnotdriveawayharassingrecollectionsofhisrelationswithher，ofthemistakewhich，asitnowseemed，hehadmadeinregardtoher。Thememoryofhowhehadreceivedherconfessionofinfidelityontheirwayhomefromtheracesespeciallyhishavinginsistedonlyontheobservanceofexternaldecorum，andnothavingsentachallengetorturedhimlikearemorse。Hewastortured，too，bythethoughtoftheletterhehadwrittenher；and，mostofall，hisforgiveness，whichnobodywanted，andhiscareoftheotherman’schild，searedhisheartwithshameandremorse。
　　Andjustthesamefeelingofshameandremorsehefeltnow，ashereviewedallhispastwithher，recallingtheawkwardwordsinwhich，afterlongwavering，heproposedtoher。
　　`ButhowhaveIbeentoblame？’hesaidtohimself。Andthisquestionalwaysexcitedanotherquestioninhim-whethertheyfeltdifferently，didtheirlovingandmarryingdifferently，theseVronskysandOblonskys……
　　thesegentlemenofthebedchamber，withtheirfinecalves。Andtherepassedbeforehismindawholeseriesofthesesucculent，vigorous，self-confidentmen，whoalwaysandeverywheredrewhisinquisitiveattentioninspiteofhimself。Hetriedtodispelthesethoughts，hetriedtopersuadehimselfthathewasnotlivingforthistransientlife，butforthelifeofeternity，andthattherewaspeaceandloveinhisheart。Butthefactthathehadinthistransient，triviallifemade，asitseemedtohim，afewtrivialmistakes，torturedhimasthoughtheeternalsalvationinwhichhebelievedhadnoexistence。Butthistemptationdidnotlastlong，andsoontherewasreestablishedoncemoreinAlexeiAlexandrovich’ssoulthepeaceandtheloftinessbyvirtueofwhichhecouldforgetwhathedidnotwanttoremember。
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　　TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter26[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter26`Well，Kapitonich？’saidSeriozha，comingbackrosyandgood-humoredfromhiswalkthedaybeforehisbirthday，andgivinghisRussianplaitedovercoattothetalloldhallporter，whosmileddownatthelittlepersonfromtheheightofhislongfigure。`Well，hasthebandagedofficialbeenheretoday？Didpapaseehim？’
　　`Hesawhim。Theminutetheheadclerkcameout，Iannouncedhim，’
　　saidthehallporterwithagood-humoredwink。`Here，I’lltakeitoff。’
　　`Seriozha！’saidhisSlavonictutor，stoppinginthedoorwayleadingtotheinnerrooms。`Takeitoffyourself。’ButSeriozha，thoughheheardthetutor’sfeeblevoice，didnotpayattentiontoit。Hestoodkeepingholdofthehallporter’sshoulderknotandgazingintohisface。
　　`Well，anddidpapadowhathewantedforhim？’
　　Thehallporternoddedhisheadaffirmatively。
　　Thebandagedofficial，whohadalreadybeenseventimestoasksomefavorofAlexeiAlexandrovich，interestedbothSeriozhaandthehallporter。Seriozhahadcomeuponhiminthehall，andhadheardhimplaintivelybegthehallportertoannouncehim，sayingthatheandhischildrenhaddeathstaringthemintheface。
　　SincethenSeriozha，havingmethimasecondtimeinthehall，tookgreatinterestinhim。
　　`Well，washeveryglad？’heasked。
　　`Glad？Ishouldthinkso！Almostdancingashewalkedaway。’
　　`Andhasanythingbeenleftforme？’askedSeriozha，afterapause。
　　`Come，sir，’saidthehallporter；thenwithashakeofhisheadhewhispered:`SomethingfromtheCountess。’
　　SeriozhaunderstoodatoncethatwhatthehallporterwasspeakingofwasapresentfromCountessLidiaIvanovnaforhisbirthday。
　　`Youdon’tsay？Where？’
　　`Korneitookittoyourpapa。Afineplaythingitmustbe，too！’
　　`Howbig？Likethis？’
　　`Rathersmall，butafinething。’
　　`Abook？’
　　`No-somethingelse。Runalong，runalong，VassiliiLukichiscallingyou，’saidtheporter，hearingthetutor’sstepsapproaching，and，carefullytakingawayfromhisshoulderknotthelittlehandintheglovehalf-pulledoff，heindicatedwithhisheadLukich，thetutor。
　　`VassiliiLukich，I’mcominginonetinyminute！’answeredSeriozhawithgayandlovingsmilewhichalwayswonoverthecarefulVassiliiLukich。
　　Seriozhawastoohappy；everythingwastoodelightfulforhimtobeabletohelpsharingwithhisfriendtheporterthefamilygoodfortune，ofwhichhehadheardfromLidiaIvanovna’snieceduringhiswalkinthepublicgardens。Thispieceofgoodnewsseemedtohimparticularlyimportantfromitscomingatthesametimewiththejoyofthebandagedofficial，andhisownjoyattoyshavingcomeforhim。ItseemedtoSeriozhathatthiswasadayonwhicheveryoneoughttobegladandhappy。
　　`Youknowpapa’sreceivedtheorderofAlexandreNevskytoday？’
　　`TobesureIdo！Peoplehavealreadybeenheretocongratulatehim。’
　　`Andisheglad？’
　　`GladattheCzar’sgraciousfavor？Ishouldthinkso！It’saproofhe’sdeservedit，’saidtheportersternlyandseriously。
　　Seriozhafelltomusing，gazingupatthefaceoftheporter，whichhehadthoroughlystudiedineverydetail，especiallyathischin，whichhungdownbetweenthegraywhiskers-neverseenbyanyonebutSeriozha，whosawhimonlyfrombelow。
　　`Well，andhasyourdaughterbeentoseeyoulately？’
　　Theporter’sdaughterwasaballetdancer。
　　`Whenisshetocomeonweekdays？They’vetheirlessonstolearn，too。Andyou’veyourlesson，sir；runalong。’
　　OncomingintotheroomSeriozha，insteadofsittingdowntohislessons，toldhistutorofhissuppositionthatwhathadbeenbroughthimmustbeatoyrailway。`Whatdoyouthink？’heinquired。
　　ButVassiliiLukichwasthinkingofnothingbutthenecessityoflearningthegrammarlessonfortheteacher，whowascomingattwo。
　　`No，dojusttellme，VassiliiLukich，’heaskedsuddenly，whenhewasseatedattheirworktablewiththebookinhishands，`whatisgreaterthantheAlexandreNevsky？Youknowpapa’sreceivedtheAlexandreNevsky？’
　　VassiliiLukichrepliedthattheVladimirwasgreaterthantheAlexandreNevsky。
　　`Andhigherstill？’
　　`Well，highestofallistheAndreiPervozvanny。’
　　`AndhigherthantheAndrei？’
　　`Idon’tknow。’
　　`What-youdon’tknow？’AndSeriozha，leaningonhiselbows，sankintodeepmeditation。
　　Hismeditationswereofthemostcomplexanddiversecharacter。
　　Heimaginedhisfather’shavingbeensuddenlypresentedwithboththeVladimirandtheAndreitoday，andinconsequencebeingmuchbettertemperedathislesson；anddreamedhow，whenhewasgrownup，hewouldhimselfreceivealltheorders，andwhatmightbeinventedhigherthantheAndrei。Directlyanyhigherorderwereinvented，hewouldwinit。Theywouldmakeahigheronestill，andhewouldimmediatelywinthattoo。
　　Thetimepassedinsuchmeditations，andwhentheteachercame，thelessonabouttheadverbsofplaceandtimeandmannerofactionwasnotready，andtheteacherwasnotonlydispleased，buthurt。ThistouchedSeriozha。Hefelthewasnottoblamefornothavinglearnedthelesson；
　　howevermuchhetried，hewasutterlyunabletodoit。Aslongastheteacherwasexplainingtohim，hebelievedhimandseemedtocomprehend，butassoonashewasleftalone，hewaspositivelyunabletorecollectandtounderstandthattheshortandfamiliarword`suddenly’isanadverbofmannerofaction。Stillhewassorrythathehaddisappointedtheteacher，andhewasanxioustocomforthim。
　　Hechoseamomentwhentheteacherwaslookinginsilenceatthebook。
　　`MikhailIvanich，whenisyourbirthday？’heasked，allofasudden。
　　`You’dmuchbetterbethinkingaboutyourwork。Birthdaysareofnoimportancetoarationalbeing。It’sadaylikeanyother，onwhichonehastodoone’swork。’
　　Seriozhalookedintentlyattheteacher，athisscantybeard，athisspectacles，whichhadslippeddownbelowtheridgeonhisnose，andfellintosodeepareveriethatheheardnothingofwhattheteacherwasexplainingtohim。Heknewthattheteacherdidnotthinkwhathehadsaid-hefeltitfromthetoneinwhichitwassaid。`Butwhyhavetheyallagreedtospeak，justinthesamemanner，alwaysthedreariestandmostuselessstuff？Whydoeshekeepmeoff；whydoesn’theloveme？’heaskedhimselfmournfully，andcouldnotthinkofananswer。
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