BLOOMTrembling,beginningtoobey。Theweatherhasbeensowarm。
DavyStephens,ringleted,passeswithabevyofbarefootnewsboys。
DAVYSTEPHENSMessengeroftheSacredHeartandEveningTelegraphwithSaintPatrick’sDaySupplement。ContainingthenewaddressesofallthecuckoldsinDublin。
TheveryreverendCanonO’Hanloninclothofgoldcopeelevatesandexposesamarbletimepiece。BeforehimFatherConroyandthereverendJohnHughesS。J。bendlow。
THETIMEPIECEUnportalling。
Cuckoo
Cuckoo
Cuckoo
Thebrassquoitsofabedareheardtojingle。
THEQUOITSJigjag,Jigajiga。Jigjag。
Apaneloffogrollsbackrapidly,revealingrapidlyinthejuryboxthefacesofMartinCunningham,foremansilkhatted,JackPowerSimonDedalus,TomKernan,NedLambert,JohnHenryMenton,MylesCrawford,Lenehan,PaddyLeonardNoseyFlynn,M’CoyandthefeaturelessfaceofaNamelessOne。
THENAMELESSONEBarebackriding。Weightforage。Gob,heorganisedher。
THEJURORSAlltheirheadsturnedtohisvoice。Really?
THENAMELESSONESnarls。Arseovertip。Hundredshillingstofive。
THEJURORSAlltheirheadsloweredinassent。Mostofusthoughtasmuch。
FIRSTWATCHHeisamarkedman。Anothergirl’splaitcut。Wanted:JacktheRipper。Athousandpoundsreward。
SECONDWATCHAwed,whispers。Andinblack。Amormon。Anarchist。
THECRIERLoudly。WhereasLeopoldBloomofnofixedabodeisawell-knowndynamitard,forger,bigamist,bawdandcuckoldadapublicnuisancetothecitizensofDublinandwhereasatthiscommissionofassizesthemosthonourable。
HisHonoursirFrederickFalkinerrecorderofDublin,injudicialgarbofgreystonerisesfromthebench,stonebearded。Hebearsinhisarmsanumbrellasceptre。FromhisforeheadarisestarklytheMosaicramshorns。
THERECORDERIwillputanendtothiswhiteslavetrafficandridDublinofthisodiouspest。Scandalous!Hedonstheblackcap。Lethimbetaken,MrSubsheriff,fromthedockwherehenowstandsanddetainedincustodyinMountjoyprisonduringHisMajesty’spleasureandtherebehangedbytheneckuntilheisdeadandthereinfailnotatyourperilormaytheLordhave-mercyonyoursoul。Removehim。Ablackskullcapdescendsuponhishead。
ThesubsherifflongJohnFanningappears,smokingapungentHenryClay。
LONGJOHNFANNINGScowlsandcallswithrichrollingutterance。Who’llhangJudasIscariot?
H。Rumbold,masterbarberinabloodcolouredjerkinandtanner’sapron,aropecoiledoverhisshouldermountstheblock。Alifepreserverandanailstuddedbludgeonarestuckinhisbelt。Herubsgrimlyhisgrappinghands,knobbedwithknuckledusters。
RUMBOLDTotherecorderwithsinisterfamiliarity。HangingHarry,yourMajesty,theMerseyterror。Fiveguineasajugular。Neckornothing。
ThebellsofGeorge’schurchtollslowly,louddarkiron。
THEBELLSHeigho!Heigho!
BLOOMDesperately。Wait。Stop。Gulls。Goodheart。Isaw。Innocence。Girlinthemonkeyhouse。Zoo。Lewdchimpanzees。Breathlessly。Pelvicbasin。Herartlessblushunmannedme。Overcomewithemotion。Ilefttheprecincts。Heturnstoafigureinthecrowd,appealing。Hynes,mayIspeaktoyou?Youknowme。Thatthreeshillingsyoucankeep。Ifyouwantalittlemore。
HYNESColdly。Youareaperfectstranger。
SECONDWATCHPointstothecorner。Thebombishere。FIRSTWATCHInfernalmachinewithatimefuse。BLOOMNo,no。Pig’sfeet。Iwasatafuneral。FIRSTWATCHDrawshistruncheon。Liar!
Thebeagleliftshissnout,showingthegreyscorbuticfaceofPaddyDignam。Hehasgnawedall。Heexhalesaputridcarcasefedbreath。Hegrowstohumansizeandshape。Hisdachshundcoatbecomesabrownmortuaryhabit。Hisgreeneyeflashesbloodshot。Halfofoneearallthenoseandboththumbsareghouleaten。
PADDYDIGNAMInahollowvoice。Itistrue。Itwasmyfuneral。DoctorFinucanepronouncedlifeextinctwhenIsuccumbedtothediseasefromnaturalcauses。
Heliftshismutilatedashenfacemoonwardsandbayslugubriously。
BLOOMIntriumph。Youhear?
PADDYDIGNAMBloom,IamPaddyDignam’sspirit。List,list,Olist!
BLOOMThevoiceisthevoiceofEsau。
SECONDWATCHBlesseshimself。Howisthatpossible?
FIRSTWATCHItisnotinthepennycatechism。
PADDYDIGNAMBymetempsychosis。Spooks。
AVOICEOrocks。
PADDYDIGNAMEarnestly。OnceIwasintheemployofMrJ。H。Menton,solicitor,commissionerforoathsandaffidavits,of27Bachelor’sWalk。NowIamdefunct,thewallofthehearthypertrophied。Hardlines。Thepoorwifewasawfullycutup。Dowisshebearingit?Keepheroffthatbottleofsherry。Helooksroundhim。Alamp。Imustsatisfyananimalneed。Thatbuttermilkdidn’tagreewithme。
TheportlyfigureofJohnO’Connell,caretakerstandsforth,holdingabunchofkeystiedwithcrape。BesidehimstandsFatherCoffey,chaplain,toadbellied,wrynecked,inasurpliceandbandannanightcap,holdingsleepilyastaffoftwistedpoppies。
FATHERCOFFEYYawns,thenchantswithahoarsecroak。Namine。JacobsVobiscuits。Amen。
Foghornsstormilythroughhismegaphone。Dignam,PatrickT。,deceased。
PADDYDIGNAMWithprickedupears,winces。Overtones。
Hewrigglesforward,placesaneartotheground。Mymasters’voice!
JOHNO’CONNELLBurialdocketletternumberU。P。Eightyfivethousand。Fieldseventeen。HouseofKeys。Plot,onehundredandone。
PaddyDignamlistenswithvisibleeffort,thinking,histailstiffpointed,hisearscocked。
PADDYDIGNAMPrayforthereposeofhissoul。
Hewormsdownthroughacoalhole,hisbrownhabittrailingitstetheroverrattlingpebbles。Afterhimtoddlesanobesegrandfatherratonfungusturtlepawsunderagreycarapace。Dignam’svoice,muffled,isheardbayingunderground:Dignam’sdeadandgonebelow。TomRochford,robinredbreasted,incapandbreeches,jumpsfromhistwo-columnedmachine。
TOMROCHFORDAhandtohisbreastbone,bows。ReubenJ。AflorinIfindhim。Hefixesthemanholewitharesolutestare。Myturnnowon。FollowmeuptoCarlow。
Heexecutesadaredevilsalmonleapintheairandisengulfedinthecoalhole。Twodiscsonthecolumnswobbleeyesofnought。Allrecedes。Bloomplodgesforwardagain。Hestandsbeforealightedhouse,listening。Thekisses,wingingfromtheirbowers,flyabouthim,twittering,warbling,cooing。
THEKISSESWarbling。Leo!Twittering。IckylickymickystickyforLeo!Cooing。Coocoocoo!YummyummWomworn!Warbling。Bigcomebig!Pirouette!Leopopold!Twittering。Leeolee!Warbling。OLeo!
Theyrustle,flutteruponhisgarments,alight,brightgiddyflecks,silverysequins。
BLOOMAman’stouch。Sadmusic。Churchmusic。Perhapshere。
ZoeHiggins,ayoungwhoreinasapphireslip,closedwiththreebronzebuckles,aslimblackvelvetfilletroundherthroat,nods,tripsdownthestepsandaccostshim。
ZOEAreyoulookingforsomeone?He’sinsidewithhisfriend。
BLOOMIsthisMrsMack’s?
ZOENo,eightyone。MrsCohen’s。Youmightgofartherandfareworse。MotherSlipperslapper。Familiarly。She’sonthejobherselftonightwiththevet,hertipster,thatgivesherallthewinnersandpaysforhersoninOxford。Workingovertimebutherluck’sturnedtoday。Suspiciously。You’renothisfather,areyou?
BLOOMNotI!
ZOEYoubothinblack。Haslittlemouseyanyticklestonight?
Hisskin,alert,feelsherfingertipsapproach。Ahandslidesoverhisleftthigh。
ZOEHow’sthenuts?
BLOOMOffside。Curiouslytheyareontheright。HeavierIsuppose。Oneinamillionmytailor,Mesias,says。
ZOEInsuddenalarm。You’veahardchancre。
BLOOMNotlikely。
ZOEIfeelit。
Herhandslidesintohislefttrouserpocketandbringsoutahardblackshrivelledpotato。SheregardsitandBloomwithdumbmoistlips。
BLOOMAtalisman。Heirloom。
ZOEForZoe?Forkeeps?Forbeingsonice,eh?
Sheputsthepotatogreedilyintoapocket,thenlinkshisarm,cuddlinghimwithsupplewarmth。Hesmilesuneasily。Slowly,notebynote,orientalmusicisplayed。Hegazesinthetawnycrystalofhereyes,ringedwithkohol。Hissmilesoftens。
ZOEYou’llknowmethenexttime。
BLOOMForlornly。Ineverlovedadeargazellebutitwassureto。
Gazellesareleaping,feedingonthemountains。Neararelakes。Roundtheirshoresfileshadowsblackofcedargroves。Aromarises,astronghairgrowthofresin。Itburns,theorient,askyofsapphire,cleftbythebronzeflightofeagles。Underitliesthewomancity,nude,white,still,cool,inluxury。Afountainmurmursamongdamaskroses。Mammothrosesmurmurofscarletwinegrapes。Awineofshame,lust,bloodexudes,strangelymurmuring。
ZOEMurmuringsingsongwiththemusic,herodalisklipslusciouslysmearedwithsalveofswinefatandrosewater。Schorachaniwenowach,benoithHierushaloim。
BLOOMFascinated。Ithoughtyouwereofgoodstockbyyouraccent。
ZOEAndyouknowwhatthoughtdid?
Shebiteshiseargentlywithlittlegoldstoppedteethsendingonhimacloyingbreathofstalegarlic。Therosesdrawapart,discloseasepulchreofthegoldofkingsandtheirmoulderingbones。
BLOOMDrawsback,mechanicallycaressingherrightbubwithaflatawkwardhand。AreyouaDublingirl?
ZOECatchesastrayhairdeftlyandtwistsittohercoil。Nobloodyfear。I’mEnglish。Haveyouaswaggerroot?
BLOOMAsbefore。Rarelysmoke,dear。Cigarnowandthen。Childishdevice。Lewdly。Themouthcanbebetterengagedthanwithacylinderofrankweed。
ZOEGoon。Makeastumpspeechoutofit。
BLOOMInworkman’scorduroyoveralls,blackgansywithredfloatingtieandapachecap。Mankindisincorrigible。SirWalterRaleighbroughtfromthenewworldthatpotatoandthatweed,theoneakillerofpestilencebyabsorption,theotherapoisoneroftheear,eye,heart,memory,will,understanding,all。Thatistosay,hebroughtthepoisonahundredyearsbeforeanotherpersonwhosenameIforgetbroughtthefood。Suicide。Lies。Allourhabits。Why,lookatourpubliclife!
Midnightchimesfromdistantsteeples。
THECHIMESTurnagain,Leopold!LordMayorofDublin!
BLOOMInalderman’sgownandchain。ElectorsofArranQuay,InnsQuay,Rotunda,MountjoyandNorthDock,betterrunatramline,Isay,fromthecattlemarkettotheriver。That’sthemusicofthefuture。That’smyprogramme。CuiBono?ButourbuccaneeringVanderdeckensintheirphantomshipoffinance……
ANELECTORThreetimesthreeforourfuturechiefmagistrate!
Theauroraborealisofthetorchlightprocessionleaps。
THETORCHBEARERSHooray!
Severalwellknownburgesses,citymagnatesandfreemenofthecityshakehandswithBloomandcongratulatehim。TimothyHarrington,latethriceLordMayorofDublin,imposinginmayoralscarlet,goldchainandwhitesilktie,conferswithcouncillorLorcanSherlock,locumtenens。Theynodvigorouslyinagreement。
LATELORDMAYORHARRINGTONInscarletrobewithmace,goldmayoralchainandlacewhitesilkscarfThataldermansirLeoBloom’sspeechbeprintedattheexpenseoftheratepayers。ThatthehouseinwhichhewasbornbeornamentedwithacommemorativetabletandthatthethoroughfarehithertoknownasCowParlouroffCorkstreetbehenceforthdesignatedBoulevardBloom。
COUNCILLORLORCANSHERLOCKCarriedunanimously。
BLOOMImpassionedly。TheseflyingDutchmenorlyingDutchmenastheyreclineintheirupholsteredpoop,castingdice,whatreckthey?Machinesistheircry,theirchimera,theirpanacea。Laboursavingapparatuses,supplanters,bug-bears,manufacturedmonstersformutualmurder,hideoushobgoblinsproducedbyahordeofcapitalisticlustsuponourprostitutedlabour。Thepoormanstarveswhiletheyaregrassingtheirroyalmountainstagsorshootingpeasantsandphartridgesintheirpurblindpompofpelfandpower。Buttheirreignisroverforreverandeverandev……
Prolongedapplause。Venetianmasts,maypolesandfestalarchesspringup。AstreamerbearingthelegendsCeadMilleFailteandMahTtobMelekIsraelspansthestreet。Allthewindowsarethrongedwithsightseers,chieflyladies。AlongtheroutetheregimentsoftheroyalDublinFusiliers,theKingsOwnScottishBoraerers,theCameronHighlandersandtheWelshFusiliers,standingtoattention,keepbackthecrowd。BoysfromHighschoolareperchedonthelampposts,telegraphpoles,windowsills,cornices,gutters,chimneypots,railings,rainspouts,whistlingandcheering。Thepillarofthecloudappears。AfifeanddrumbandisheardinthedistanceplayingtheKolNidre。Thebeatersapproachwithimperialeagleshoisted,trailingbannersandwavingorientalpalms。Thechryselephantinepapalstandardriseshigh,surroundedbypennonsofthecivicflag。ThevanoftheprocessionappearsheadedbyJohnHowardParnell,citymarshal,inachessboardtabard,theAthlonePoursuivantandUlsterKingofArms。TheyarefollowedbytheRightHonourableJosephHutchinson,lordmayorofDublin,thelordmayorofCork,theirworshipsthemayorsofLimerick,Galway,SligoandWatedord,twentyeightIrishrepresentativepeers,sirdars,grandeesandmaharajahsbearingtheclothofestate,theDublinMetropolitanFireBrigade,thechapterofthesaintsoffinanceintheirplutocraticorderofprecedence,thebishopofDownandConnorHisEminenceMichaelcardinalLoguearchbishopofArmagh,primateofallIreland,HisGrace,themostreverendDrWilliamAlexanderarchbishopofArmagh,primateofallIreland,thechiefrabbi,thepresbyterianmoderator,theheadsofthebaptist,anabaptist,methodistandMoravianchapelsandthehonorarysecretaryofthesocietyoffriends。herthemmarchtheguildsandtradesandtrainbandswithflyingcolours:coopen,birdfanciers,millwrights,newspapercanvassers,lawscriveners,masseurs,vintners,trussmakers,chimneysweeps,lardrefiners,tabinetandpoplinweavers,farriers,Italianwarehousemen,churchdecorators,bootjackmanufacturers,undertaken,silkmercers,lapidaries,salesmasters,corkcutters,assessorsoffirelosses,dyersandcleaners,exportbottlers,fellmongers,ticketwriters,heraldicsealengravers,horserepositoryhands,bullionbroken,cricketandarcheryoutfitters,riddlemakers,eggandpotatofactors,hosiersandglovers,plumbingcontractors。AfterthemmarchgentlemenofthebedchamberBlackRod,DeputyGarterGoldStick,themasterofhone,thelordgreatchamberlain,theearlmarshal,thehighconstablecarryingtheswordofstate,saintStephen’sironcrown,thechaliceandbible。Fourbuglersonfootblowasennet。Beefeatenreply,windingclarionsofwelcome。UnderanarchoftriumphBloomappearsbareheaded,inacrimsonvelvetmantletrimmedwithermine,bearingSaintEdward’sstafftheorbandsceptrewiththedove,thecurtana。Heisseatedonamilkwhitehonewithlongflowingcrimsontail,richlycaparisoned,withgoldenheadstall。Wildexcitement。Theladiesfromtheirbalconiesthrowdownrosepetals。Theairisperfumedwithessences。Themencheer。Bloom’sboysrunamidthebystanderswithbranchesofhawthornandwrenbushes。
BLOOM’SBOYS
Thewren,thewren,
Thekingofallbirds,
SaintStephen’shisday,
Wascaughtinthefurze。
ABLACKSMITHMurmurs。FortheHonourofGod!AndisthatBloom?Hescarcelylooksthirtyone。
APAVIORANDFLAGGERThat’sthefamousBloomnow,theworld’sgreatestreformer。Hatsoff!
Alluncovertheirheads。Womenwhispereagerly。
AMILLIONAIRESSRichly。Isn’thesimplywonderful?
ANOBLEWOMANNobly。Allthatmanhasseen!
AFEMINISTMasculinely。Anddone!
ABELLHANGERAclassicface!Hehastheforeheadofathinker。
Bloom’sweather。Asunburstappearsinthenorthwest。
THEBISHOPOFDOWNANDCONNORIherepresentyourundoubtedemperorpresidentandkingchairman,themostsereneandpotentandverypuissantrulerofthisrealm。GodsaveLeopoldtheFirst!
ALLGodsaveLeopoldtheFirst!
BLOOMIndalmaticandpurplemantle,tothebishopofDownandConnorwithdignity。Thanks,somewhateminentsir。
WILLIAM,ARCHBISHOPOFARMAGHInpurplestockandshovelhat。WillyoutoyourpowercauselawandmercytobeexecutedinallyourjudgmentsinIrelandandterritoriesthereuntobelonging?
BLOOMPlacinghisrighthandonhistesticles,swears。SomaytheCreatordealwithme。AllthisIpromisetodo。
MICHAEL,ARCHBISHOPOFARMAGHPoursacruseofhairoiloverBloom’shead。Gaudiummagnumannuntiovobis。Habemuscarneficem。Leopold,Patrick,Andrew,David,George,bethouanointed!
Bloomassumesamantleofclothofgoldandputsonarubyring。Heascendsandstandsonthestoneofdestiny。Therepresentativepeersputonatthesametimetheirtwentyeightcrowns。JoybellsringinChristchurch,SaintPatrick’s,George’sandgayMalahide。Mirusbazaarfireworksgoupfromallsideswithsymbolicalphallopyrotechnicdesigns。Thepeersdohomage,onebyone,approachingandgenuflecting。
THEPEERSIdobecomeyourliegemanoflifeandlimbtoearthlyworship。
BloomholdsuphisrighthandonwhichsparklestheKoh-i-Noordiamond。Hispalfreyneighs。Immediatesilence。Wirelessintercontinentalandinterplanetarytransmittersaresetforreceptionofmessage。
BLOOMMysubjects!WeherebynominateourfaithfulchargerCopulaFelixhereditaryGrandVizierandannouncethatwehavethisdayrepudiatedourformerspouseandhavebestowedourroyalhandupontheprincessSelene,thesplendourofnight。
TheformermorganaticspouseofBloomishastilyremovedintheBlackMaria。TheprincessSelene,inmoonbluerobes,asilvercrescentonherhead,descendsfromaSedanchairbornebytwogiants。Anoutburstofcheering。
JOHNHOWARDPARNELLRaisestheroyalstandard。IllustriousBloom!Successortomyfamousbrother!
BLOOMEmbracesJohnHowardParnell。Wethankyoufromourheart,John,forthisrightroyalwelcometogreenErin,thepromisedlandofourcommonancestors。
Thefreedomofthecityispresentedtohimembodiedinacharter。ThekeysofDublin,crossedonacrimsoncushion,aregiventohim。Heshowsallthatheiswearinggreensocks。
TOMKERNANYoudeserveit,yourhonour。
BLOOMOnthisdaytwentyyearsagoweovercamethehereditaryenemyatLadysmith。Ourhowitzersandcamelswivelgunsplayedonhislineswithtellingeffect。Halfaleagueonward!Theycharge!Allislostnow!Doweyield?No!Wedrivethemheadlong!Lo!Wecharge!DeployingtotheleftourlighthorsesweptacrosstheheightsofPlevnaand,utteringtheirwarcry,BonafideSabaoth,sabredtheSaracengunnerstoaman。
THECHAPELOFFREEMANTYPESETTERSHear!Hear!
JOHNWYSENOLANThere’sthemanthatgotawayJamesStephens。
ABLUECOATSCHOOLBOYBravo!
ANOLDRESIDENTYou’reacredittoyourcountry,sir,that’swhatyouare。
ANAPPLEWOMANHe’samanlikeIrelandwants。
BLOOMMybelovedsubjects,aneweraisabouttodawn。I,Bloom,tellyouverilyitisevennowathand。Yea,onthewordofaBloom,yeshallerelongenterintothegoldencitywhichistobe,thenewBloomusalemintheNovaHiberniaofthefuture。
Thirtytwoworkmenwearingrosettes,fromallthecountiesofIreland,undertheguidanceofDerwanthebuilderconstructthenewBloomusalem。Itisacolossaledifice,withcrystalroofbuiltintheshapeofahugeporkkidney,containingfortythousandrooms。Inthecourseofitsextensionseveralbuildingsandmonumentsaredemolished。Governmentofficesaretemporarilytransferredtorailwaysheds。Numeroushousesarerazedtotheground。Theinhabitantsarelodgedinbarrelsandboxes,allmarkedinredwiththeletters:L。B。Severalpaupersfallfromaladder。ApartofthewallsofDublin,crowdedwithloyalsightseers,collapses。
THESIGHTSEERSDyingMorituritesalutant。Theydie。
Amaninabrownmacintoshspringsupthroughatrap-door。HepointsanelongatedfingeratBloom。
THEMANINTHEMACINTOSHDon’tyoubelieveawordheSays。ThatmanisLeopoldM’Intosh,thenotoriousfireraiser。HisrealnameisHiggins。
BLOOMShoothim!Dogofachristian!SomuchforM’Intosh!
Acannonshot。Themaninthemacintoshdisappears。Bloomwithhissceptrestrikesdownpoppies。Theinstantaneousdeathsofmanypowerfulenemies,graziers,membersofparliament,membersofstandingcommittees,arereported。Bloom’sbodyguarddistributeMaundymoney,commemorationmedals,loavesandfishes,temperancebadges,expensiveHenryClaycigars,freecowbonesforsoup,rubberpreservatives,insealedenvelopestiedwithgoldthread,butterscotch,pineapplerock,billetsdouxintheformofcockedhats,readymadesuits,porringersoftoadinthehole,bottlesofJeyes’Fluid,purchasestamps,40days’indulgences,spuriouscoins,dairyfedporksausages,theatrepasses,seasonticketsavailableforalltramlines,couponsoftheroyalandprivilegedHungarianlottery,pennydinnercounters,cheapreprintsoftheWorld’sTwelveWorstBooks:FroggyandFritzpolitic,CareoftheBabyinfantilic,SoMealsfor7/6culinic,WasJesusaSunMyth?historic,ExpelthatPainmedic,Infant’sCompendiumoftheUniversecosmic,Let’sAllChortlehilaric,Canvasser’sVadeMecumjournalic,love-lettersofMotherAssistanterotic,Who’sWhoinSpaceastric,SongsthatReachedOurHeartmelodic,Pennywise’sWaytoWealthparsimonic。Ageneralrushandscramble。WomenpressforwardtotouchthehemofBloom’srobe。TheladyGwendolenDubedatburststhroughthethrong,leapsonhishorseandkisseshimonbothcheeksamidgreatacclamation。Amagnesiumflashlightphotographistaken。Babesandsucklingsareheldup。
THEWOMENLittlefather!Littlefather!
THEBABESANDSUCKLINGS
ClapclaphandstillPoldycomeshome,
CakesinhispocketforLeoalone。
Bloom,bendingdown,pokesBabyBoardmangentlyinthestomach。
BABYBOARDMANHiccups,curdledmilkflowingfromhismouth。Hajajaja。
BLOOMShakinghandswithablindstripling。MymorethanBrother!Placinghisarmsroundtheshouldersofanoldcouple。Dearoldfriends!Heplayspussyfourcornerswithraggedboysandgirls。Peep!Bopeep!Hewheelstwinsinaperambulator。Ticktacktwowouldyousetashoe?Heperformsjuggler’stricks,drawsred,orange,yellow,green,blue,indigoandvioletsilkhandkerchiefsfromhismouth。Roygbiv。32feetpersecond。Heconsolesawidow。Absencemakestheheartgrowyounger。HedancestheHighlandflingwithgrotesqueantics。Legit,yedevils!Hekissesthebedsoresofapalsiedveteran。Honourablewounds!Hetripsupafatpoliceman。U。p。:up。U。p。:up。Hewhispersintheearofablushingwaitressandlaughskindly。Ah,naughty,naughty!HeeatsarawturnipofferedhimbyMauriceButterly,farmer。Fine!Splendid!HerefusestoacceptthreeshillingsofferedhimbyJosephHynes,journalist。Mydearfellow,notatall!Hegiveshiscoattoabeggar。Pleaseaccept。Hetakespartinastomachracewithelderlymaleandfemalecripples。Comeon,boys!Wriggleit,girls!
THECITIZENChokedwithemotion,brushesasideatearinhisemeraldmuffler。MaythegoodGodblesshim!
Therams’hornssoundforsilence。ThestandardofZionishoisted。
BLOOMUncloaksimpressively,revealingobesity,unrollsapaperandreadssolemnly。AlephBethGhimelDalethHagadahTephilimKosherYomKippurHanukahRoschaschanaBeniBrithBarMitzvahMazzothAskenazimMeshuggahTalith。
AnofficialtranslationisreadbyJimmyHenry,assistanttownclerk。
JIMMYHENRYTheCourtofConscienceisnowopen。HisMostCatholicMajestywillnowadministeropenairjustice。Freemedicalandlegaladvice,solutionofdoublesandotherproblems。Allcordiallyinvited。GivenatthisourloyalcityofDublinintheyearIoftheParadisiacalEra。
PADDYLEONARDWhatamItodoaboutmyratesandtaxes?
BLOOMPaythem,myfriend。
PADDYLEONARDThankyou。
NOSEYFLYNNCanIraiseamortgageonmyfireinsurance?
BLOOMObdurately。Sirs,takenoticethatbythelawoftortsyouareboundoverinyourownrecognisancesforsixmonthsinthesumoffivepounds。
J。J。O’MOLLYADanieldidIsay?Nay!APeterO’Brien!
NOSEYFLYNNWheredoIdrawthefivepounds?
PISSERBURKEForbladdertrouble?
BLOOM
Acid。nit。hydrochlordil。,20minims,
Tinct。mix。vom。,4minims。
Extr。taraxel。lig。,30minims。
Aq。dis。terindie。
CHRISCALLINANWhatistheparallaxofthesubsolareclipticofAldebaran?
BLOOMPleasedtohearfromyou,Chris。K。II。
JOEHYNESWhyaren’tyouinuniform?
BLOOMWhenmyprogenitorofsaintedmemoryworetheuniformoftheAustriandespotinadankprisonwherewasyours?
BENDOLLARDPansies?
BLOOMEmbellishbeautifysuburbangardens。
BENDOLLARDWhentwinsarrive?
BLOOMFatherpater,dadstartsthinking。
LARRYO’ROURKEAneightdaylicenceformynewpremises。Yourememberme,sirLeo,whenyouwereinnumberseven。I’msendingaroundadozenofstoutforthemissus。
BLOOMColdly。Youhavetheadvantageofme。LadyBloomacceptsnopresents。
CROFTONThisisindeedafestivity。
BLOOMSolemnly。Youcallitafestivity。Icallitasacrament。
ALEXANDERKEYESWhenwillwehaveourownhouseofkeys?
BLOOMIstandforthereformofmunicipalmoralsandtheplaintencommandments。Newworldsforold。Unionofall,jew,moslemandgentile。Threeacresandacowforallchildrenofnature。Saloonmotorhearses。Compulsorymanuallabourforall。Allparksopentothepublicdayandnight。Electricdishscrubbers。Tuberculosis,lunacy,warandmendicancymustnowcease。Generalamnesty,weeklycarnival,withmaskedlicence,bonusesforall,esperantotheuniversalbrotherhood。Nomorepatriotismofbarspongersanddropsicalimpostors。Freemoney,freeloveandafreelaychurchinafreelaystate。
O’MADDENBURKEFreefoxinafreehenroost。
DAVYBYRNEYawning。Iiiiiiiiiaaaaaaach!
BLOOMMixedracesandmixedmarriage。
LENEHANWhataboutmixedbathing?
Bloomexplainstothosenearhimhisschemesforsocialregeneration。Allagreewithhim。ThekeeperoftheKildareStreetMuseumappears,draggingalorryonwhicharetheshakingstatuesofseveralnakedgoddesses,VenusCallipyge,VenusPandemosVenusMetempsychosis,andplasterfigures,alsonaked,representingthenewninemuses,Commerce,OperaticMusic,AmorPublicity,Manufacture,libertyofSpeech,PluralVoting,Gastronomy,PrivateHygiene,SeasideConcertEntertainments,PainlessObstetricsandAstronomyforthePeople。
FATHERFARLEYHeisanepiscopalian,anagnostic,ananythingarianseekingtooverthrowourholyfaith。
MRSRIORDANTearsupherwill。I’mdisappointedinyou!Youbadman!
MOTHERGROGANRemovesherboottothrowitatBloom。Youbeast!Youabominableperson!
NOSEYFLYNNGiveusatune,Bloom。Oneoftheoldsweetsongs。
BLOOMWithrollickinghumour。
IvowedthatIneverwouldleaveher,
Sheturnedoutacrueldeceiver。
Withmytooraloomtooraloomtooralcomtooraloom。
HOPPYHOLOHANGoodoldBloom!There’snobodylikehimafterall。
PADDYLEONARDStageIrishman!
BLOOMWhatrailwayoperaislikeatramlineinGibraltar?TheRowsofCasteele。Laughter。
LENEHANPlagiarist!DownwithBloom!
THEVEILEDSIBYLEnthusiastically。I’maBloomiteandIgloryinit。Ibelieveinhiminspiteofall。I’dgivemylifeforhim,thefunniestmanonearth。
BLOOMWinksatthebystanders。Ibetshe’sabonnylassie。
THEODOREPUREFOYInfishingcapandoilskinjacket。Heemploysamechanicaldevicetofrustratethesacredendsofnature。
THEVEILEDSIBYLStabsherself。Myherogod!Shedies。
Manymostattractiveandenthusiasticwomenalsocommitsuicidebystabbing,drowning,drinkingprussicacid,aconite,arsenic,openingtheirveins,refusingfood,castingthemselvesundersteamrollers,fromthetopofNelson’sPillar,intothegreatvatofGuinness’sbrewery,asphyxiatingthemselvesbyplacingtheirheadsingasovens,hangingthemselvesinstylishgarters,leapingfromwindowsofdifferentstoreys。
ALEXANDERJ。DOWIEViolently。FellowchristiansandantiBloomites,themancalledBloomisfromtherootsofhell,adisgracetochristianmen。AfiendishlibertinefromhisearliestyearsthisstinkinggoatofMendesgaveprecocioussignsofinfantiledebaucheryrecallingthecitiesoftheplain,withadissolutegranddam。Thisvilehypocrite,bronzedwithinfamy,isthewhitebullmentionedintheApocalypse。AworshipperoftheScarletWoman,intrigueistheverybreathofhisnostrils。Thestakefaggotsandthecaldronofboilingoilareforhim。Caliban!
THEMOBLynchhim!Roasthim!He’sasbadasParnellwas。MrFox!
MotherGroganthrowsherbootatBloom。SeveralshopkeepersfromupperandlowerDorsetstreetthrowobjectsoflittleornocommercialvalue,hambones,condensedmilktins,unsaleablecabbage,stalebread,sheeps’tails,oddpiecesoffat。
BLOOMExcitedly。Thisismidsummermadness,someghastlyjokeagain。Byheaven,Iamguiltlessastheunsunnedsnow!ItwasmybrotherHenry。Heismydouble。Helivesinnumber2Dolphin’sBarn。Slander,theviper,haswrongfullyaccusedme。Fellowcountrymen,sgenlinnbanbatacoisdegancapall。Icallonmyoldfriend,DrMalachiMulligan,sexspecialisttogivemedicaltestimonyonmybehalf。
DRMULLIGANInmotorjerkin,greenmotorogglesonhisbrow。DrBloomisbisexuallyabnormal。HehasrecentlyescapedfromDrEustace’sprivateasylumfordementedgentlemen。Bornoutofbedlockhereditaryepilepsyispresent,theconsequenceofunbridledlust。Tracesofelephantiasishavebeendiscoveredamonghisascendants。Therearemarkedsymptomsofchronicexhibitionism。Ambidexterityisalsolatent。Heisprematurelybaldfromselfabuse,perverselyidealisticinconsequence,areformedrake,andhasmetalteeth。InconsequenceofafamilycomplexhehastemporarilylosthismemoryandIbelievehimtobemoresinnedagainstthansinning。Ihavemadeapervaginalexaminationand,afterapplicationoftheacidtestto5427anal,axillary,pectoralandpubichairs,Ideclarehimtobevirgointacta。
Bloomholdshishighgradehatoverhisgenitalorgans。
DRMADDENHypsospadiaisalsomarked。IntheinterestofcominggenerationsIsuggestthatthepartsaffectedshouldbepreservedinspiritsofwineinthenationalteratologicalmuseum。
DRCROTTHERSIhaveexaminedthepatient’surine。Itisalbuminoid。Salivationisinsufficient,thepatellarreflexintermittent。
DRPUNCHCOSTELLOThefetorjudaicusismostperceptible。
DRDIXONReadsabillofhealth。ProfessorBloomisafinishedexampleofthenewwomanlyman。Hismoralnatureissimpleandlovable。Manyhavefoundhimadearman,adearperson。Heisaratherquaintfellowonthewhole,coythoughnotfeeble-mindedinthemedicalsense。Hehaswrittenareallybeautifulletter,apoeminitself,tothecourtmissionaryoftheReformedPriests’ProtectionSocietywhichclearsupeverything。HeispracticallyatotalabstainerandIcanaffirmthathesleepsonastrawlitterandeatsthemostSpartanfood,colddriedgrocer’speas。HewearsahairshirtwinterandsummerandscourgeshimselfeverySaturday。Hewas,Iunderstand,atonetimeafirstclassmisdemeanantinGlencreereformatory。Anotherreportstatesthathewasaveryposthumouschild。Iappealforclemencyinthenameofthemostsacredwordourvocalorganshaveeverbeencalledupontospeak。Heisabouttohaveababy。
Generalcommotionandcompassion。Womenfaint。AwealthyAmericanmakesastreetcollectionforBloom。Goldandsilvercoins,bankcheques,banknotes,jewels,treasurybonds,maturingbillsofexchange,I。O。U。s,weddingrings’watch-chains,lockets,necklacesandbraceletsarerapidlycollected。
BLOOMO,Isowanttobeamother。
MRSTHORNTONInnursetender’sgown。Embracemetight,dear。You’llbesoonoverit。Tight,dear。
Bloomembraceshertightlyandbearseightmaleyellowandwhitechildren。Theyappearonaredcarpetedstaircaseadornedwithexpensiveplants。Allarehandsome,withvaluablemetallicfaces,wellmade,respectablydressedandwellconducted,speakingfivemodernlanguagesfluentlyandinterestedinvariousartsandsciences。Eachhashisnameprintedinlegiblelettersonhisshirtfront:Nasodoro,Goldfinger,Chrysostomos,Maindorée,Silversmile,SilberselberVifargent,Panargros。Theyareimmediatelyappointedtopositionsofhighpublictrustinseveraldifferentcountriesasmanagingdirectorsofbanks,trafficmanagersofrailways,chairmenoflimitedliabilitycompanies,vicechairmenofhotelsyndicates。
AVOICEBloom,areyoutheMessiahbenJosephorbenDavid?
BLOOMDarkly。Youhavesaidit。
BROTHERBUZZThenperformamiracle。
BANTAMLYONSProphesywhowillwintheSaintLeger。
Bloomwalksonanet,covershislefteyewithhisleftear,passesthroughseveralwalls,climbsNelson’sPillar,hangsfromthetheledgebyhiseyelids,eatstwelvedozenoystersshellsincluded,healsseveralsufferersfromkingsevil,contractshisfacesoastoresemblemanyhistoricalpersonages,lordBeaconsfield,lordByron,WatTyler,MosesofEgypt,MosesMaimonides,MosesMendelssohn,HenryIrving,RipvanWinkle,Rossuth,JeanJacquesRousseau,BaronLeopoldRothschild,RobinsonCrusoe,SherlockHolmes,Pasteur,turnseachfootsimultaneouslyindifferentdirections,bidsthetideturnback,eclipsesthesunbyextendinghislittlefinger。
BRINI,PAPALNUNCIOInpapalzouave’suniform,steelcuirassesasbreastplate,armplates,thighplates,legplates,largeprofanemoustachesandbrownpapermitre。Leopoldiautemgeneratio。MosesbegatNoahandNoahbegatEunuchandEunuchbegatO’HalloranandO’HalloranbegatGuggenheimandGuggenheimbegatAgendathandAgendathbegatNetaimandNetaimbegatLeHirschandLeHirschbegatJesurumandJesurumbegatMacKayandMacKaybegatOstrolopskyandOstrolopskybegatSmerdozandSmerdozbegatWeissandWeissbegatSchwarzandSchwarzbegatAdrianopoliandAdrianopolibeganAranjuezandAranjuezbegatLewyLawsonandLewyLawsonbegatIchabudonosorandIchabudonosorbegatO’DonnellMagnusandO’DonnellMagnusbegatChristbaumandChristbaumbegatBenMaimunandBenMaimunbegatDustyRhodesandDustyRhodesbegatBenamorandBenamorbegatJones-SmithandJones-SmithbegatSavorgnanovichandSavorgnanovichbegatJasperstoneandJasperstonebegatVingtetuniemeandVingtetuniemebegatSzombathelyandSzombathelybegatViragandViragbegatBloometvocabiturnomeneiusEmmanuel。
ADEADHANDWritesonthewall。Bloomisacod。ACRABInbushranger’skit。WhatdidyoudointhecattlecreepbehindKilbarrack?
AFEMALEINFANTShakesarattle。AndunderBallyboughbridge?
AHOLLYBUSHAndinthedevil’sglen?
BLOOMBlushesfuriouslyalloverfromfronttonates,threetearsfallingfromhislefteye。Sparemypast。
THEIRISHEVICTEDTENANTSInbodycoats,kneebreeches,withDonnybrookfairshillelaghs。Sjambokhim!
Bloomwithasses’earsseatshimselfinthepillorywithcrossedarms,hisfeetprotruding。HewhistlesDonGiovanni,acenarteco。Artaneorphans,joininghands,caperroundhim。GirlsofthePrisonGateMission,joininghands,caperroundintheoppositedirection。
THEARTANEORPHANS
Youbig,youbog,youdirtydog!
Youthinktheladiesloveyou!
THEPRISONGATEGIRLS
Ifyouseekay
Tellhimhemay
Seeyouintea
Tellhimfromme。
HORNBLOWERInephodandhuntingcap,announces。AndheshallcarrythesinsofthepeopletoAzazel,thespiritwhichisinthewilderness,andtoLilith,thenighthag。Andtheyshallstonehimanddefilehim,yea,allfromAgendathNetaimandfromMizraim,thelandofHam。
AllthepeoplecastsoftpantomimestonesatBloom。Manybonafidetravellersandownerlessdogscomenearhimanddefilehim。MastianskyandCitronapproachingaberdines,wearinglongearlocks。TheywagtheirbeardsatBloom。
MASTIANSKYANDCITRONBelial!LaemleinofIstria!thefalseMessiah!Abulafia!
GeorgeS。Mesias,Bloom’stailor,appears,atailor’sgooseunderhisarm,presentingabill。
MESIASToalterationonepairtrouserselevenshillings。
BLOOMRubshishandscheerfully。Justlikeoldtimes。PoorBloom!
ReubenJ。Dodd,blackbeardedIscariot,badshepherd,bearingonhisshouldersthedrownedcorpseofhisson,approachesthepillory。
REUBENJ。Whispershoarsely。Thesqueakisout。Asplitisgonefortheflatties。Nipthefirstrattler。
THEFIREBRIGADEPflaap!
BROTHERBUZZInvestsBloominayellowhabitwithembroideryofpaintedflamesandhighpointedhat。Heplacesabagofgunpowderroundhisneckandhandshimovertothecivilpower,saying。Forgivehimhistrespasses。
LieutenantMyersoftheDublinFireBrigadebygeneralrequestsetsfiretoBloom。Lamentations。
THECITIZENThankheaven!
BLOOMInaseamlessgarmentmarkedI。H。S。standsuprightamidphoenixflames。Weepnotforme,OdaughtersofErin。
HeexhibitstoDublinreporterstracesofburning。ThedaughtersofErin,inblackgarmentswithlaceprayerbooksandlonglightedcandlesintheirhands,kneeldownandpray。
THEDAUGHTERSOFERINKidneyofBloom,prayforus。FloweroftheBath,prayforus。MentorofMenton,prayforus。CanvasserfortheFreeman,prayforus。CharitableMason,prayforus。WanderingSoap,prayforus。SweetsofSin,prayforus。MusicwithoutWords,prayforus。ReproveroftheCitizen,prayforus。FriendofallFrillies,prayforus。MidwifeMostMerciful,prayforus。PotatoPreservativeagainstPlagueandPestilence,prayforus。
Achoirofsixhundredvoices,conductedbyMrVincentO’Brien,singstheAlleluiachorus,accompaniedontheorganbyJosephGlynn。Bloombecomesmute,shrunken,carbonised。
ZOETalkawaytillyou’reblackintheface。
BLOOMIncaubeenwithclaypipestuckintheband,dustybrogues,anemigrant’sredhandkerchiefbundleinhishand,leadingablackbogoakpigbyasugaun,withasmileinhiseye。Letmebegoingnow,womanofthehouse,forbyallthegoatsinConnemaraI’mafterhavingthefatherandmotherofabating。Withatearinhiseye。Allinsanity。Patriotism,sorrowforthedead,music,futureoftherace。Tobeornottobe。Life’sdreamiso’er。Enditpeacefully。Theycanliveon。Hegazesfarawaymournfully。Iamruined。Afewpastillesofaconite。Theblindsdrawn。Aletter。Thenliebacktorest。Hebreathessoftly。Nomore。Ihavelived。Fare。Farewell。
ZOEStiffly,herfingerinherneckfillet。Honest?Tillthenexttime。Shesneers。Supposeyougotupthewrongsideofthebedorcametooquickwithyourbestgirl。O,Icanreadyourthoughts。
BLOOMBitterly。Manandwoman,love,whatisit?Acorkandbottle。
ZOEInsuddensulks。Ihatearotterthat’sinsincere。Giveableedingwhoreachance。
BLOOMRepentantly。Iamverydisagreeable。Youareanecessaryevil。Whereareyoufrom?London?
ZOEGlibly。Hog’sNortonwherethepigsplaytheorgans。I’mYorkshireborn。Sheholdshishandwhichisfeelingforhernipple。Isay,TommyTittlemouse。Stopthatandbeginworse。Haveyoucashforashorttime?Tenshillings?
BLOOMSmiles,nodsslowly。More,houri,more。
ZOEAndmore’smother?Shepatshimoffhandedlywithvelvetpaws。Areyoucomingintothemusicroomtoseeournewpianola?ComeandI’llpeeloff。
BLOOMFeelinghisocciputdubiouslywiththeunparalleledembarrassmentofaharassedpedlargaugingthesymmetryofherpeeledpears。Somebodywouldbedreadfullyjealousifsheknew。Thegreeneyedmonster。Earnestly。Youknowhowdifficultitis。Ineedn’ttellyou。
ZOEFlattered。Whattheeyecan’tseetheheartcan’tgrievefor。Shepatshim。Come。
BLOOMLaughingwitch!Thehandthatrocksthecradle。
ZOEBabby!
BLOOMInbabylinenandpelisse,bigheaded,withacaulofdarkhair,fixesbigeyesonherfluidslipandcountsitsbronzebuckleswithachubbyfinger,hismoisttonguetollingandlisping。Onetwotlee:tleetlwotlone。
THEBUCKLESLoveme。Lovemenot。Loveme。
ZOESilentmeansconsent。Withlittlepartedtalonsshecaptureshishand,herforefingergivingtohispalmthepasstouchofsecretmonitor,luringhimtodoom。Hothandscoldgizzard。
Hehesitatesamidscents,music,temptations。Sheleadshimtowardsthesteps,drawinghimbytheodourofherarmpits,theviceofherpaintedeyes,therustleofherslipinwhosesinuousfoldslurksthelionreekofallthemalebrutesthathavepossessedher。
THEMALEBRUTESExhalingsulphurofrutanddungandrampingintheirloosebox,faintlyroaring,theirdruggedheadsswayingtoandfro。Good!
ZoeandBloomreachthedoorwaywheretwosisterwhoresareseated。Theyexaminehimcuriouslyfromundertheirpencilledbrowsandsmiletohishastybow。Hetripsawkwardly。
ZOEHerluckyhandinstantlysavinghim。Hoopsa!Don’tfallupstairs。
BLOOMThejustmanfallsseventimes。Hestandsasideatthethreshold。Afteryouisgoodmanners。
ZOELadiesfirst,gentlemenafter。
Shecrossesthethreshold。Hehesitates。Sheturnsand,holdingoutherhands,drawshimover。Hehops。Ontheantieredrackofthehallhangaman’shatandwaterproofBloomuncovershimselfbut,seeingthem,frowns,thensmiles,preoccupied。Adooronthereturnlandingisthrownopen。Amaninpurpleshirtandgreytrousers,brownsocked,passeswithanapesgait,hisbaldheadandgoateebeardupheld,huggingafullwaterjugjarhistwotailedblackbracesdanglingatheels。AvertinghisfacequicklyBloombendstoexamineonthehalltablethespanieleyesofarunningfox:then,hisliftedheadsniffing,followsZoeintothemusicroom。Ashadeofmauvetissuepaperdimsthelightofthechandelier。Roundandroundamothflies,colliding,escaping。Theflooriscoveredwithanoilclothmosaicofjadeandazureandcinnabarrhomboids。Footmarksarestampedoveritinallsenses,heeltoheel,heeltohollow,toetotoe,feetlocked,amorrisofshufflingfeetwithoutbodyphantoms,allinascrimmagehiggledypiggledy。Thewallsaretapes-triedwithapaperofyewfrondsandclearglades。Inthegrateisspreadascreenofpeacockfeathers。Lynchsquatscrossleggedonthehearthrugofmattedhair,hiscapbacktothefront。Withawandhebeatstimeslowly。KittyRicketts,abonypallidwhoreinnavycostume,doeskinglovesrolledbackfromacoralwristlet,achainpurseinherhand,sitsperchedontheedgeofthetableswingingherlegandglancingatherselfinthegiltmirroroverthemantelpiece。Atagofhercorsetlacehangsslightlybelowherjacket。Lynchindicatesmockinglythecoupleatthepiano。
KITTYCoughsbehindherhand。She’sabitimbecilic。Shesignswithawagglingforefinger。Blemblem。Lynchliftsupherskirtandwhitepetticoatwiththewand。Shesettlesthemdownquickly。Respectyourself。Shehiccups,thenbendsquicklyhersailorhatunderwhichherhairglows,redwithhenna。O,excuse!
ZOEMorelimelight,Charley。Shegoestothechandelierandturnsthegasfullcock。
KITTYPeersatthegasjet。Whatailsittonight?
LYNCHDeeply。Enteraghostandhobgoblins。
ZOEClaponthebackforZoe。
ThewandinLynch’shandflashes:abrasspoker。Stephenstandsatthepianolaonwhichsprawlhishatandashplant。Withtwofingersherepeatsoncemoretheseriesofemptyfifths。FlorryTalbot,ablondfeeblegoosefatwhoreinatatterdemaliongownofmildewedstrawberry,lollsspreadeagleinthesofacorner,herlimpforearmpendentoverthebolster,listening。Aheavystyedroopsoverhersleepyeyelid。
KITTYHiccupsagainwithakickofherhorsedfoot。O,excuse!
ZOEPromptly。Yourboy’sthinkingofyou。Tieaknotonyourshift。
KittyRickettsbendsherhead。Herboauncoils,slides,glidesoverhershoulder,back,arm,chairtotheground。Lynchliftsthecurledcaterpillaronhiswand。Shesnakesherneck,nestling。Stephenglancesbehindatthesquattedfigurewithitscapbacktothefront。
STEPHENAsamatteroffactitisofnoimportancewhetherBenedettoMarcellofounditormadeit。Theriteisthepoet’srest。ItmaybeanoldhymntoDemeteroralsoillustrateClaenarrantgloriamDomini。ItissusceptibleofnodesormodesasfarapartashyperphrygianandmixolydianandoftextssodivergentaspriestshaihoopingroundDavid’sthatisCirce’sorwhatamIsayingCeres’altarandDavid’stipfromthestabletohischiefbassoonistabouthisalmightiness。Mais,nomdenom,thatisanotherpairoftrousers。Jetezlagourme。Fautquejeunessesepasse。Hestops,pointsatLynch’scap,smiles,laughs。Whichsideisyourknowledgebump?
THECAPWithsaturninespleen。Bah!Itisbecauseitis。Woman’sreason。Jewgreekisgreekjew。Extremesmeet。Deathisthehighestformoflife。Bah!
STEPHENYourememberfairlyaccuratelyallmyerrors,boasts,mistakes。HowlongshallIcontinuetoclosemyeyestodisloyalty?Whetstone!
THECAPBah!
STEPHENHere’sanotherforyou。Hefrowns。Thereasonisbecausethefundamentalandthedominantareseparatedbythegreatestpossibleintervalwhich。
THECAPWhich?Finish。Youcan’t。
STEPHENWithoneffort。Intervalwhich。Isthegreatestpossibleellipse。Consistentwith。Theultimatereturn。Theoctave。Which。
THECAPWhich?OutsidethegramophonebeginstoblareTheHolyCity。
STEPHENAbruptly。Whatwentforthtotheendsoftheworldtotraversenotitself。God,thesun,Shakespeare,acommercialtraveller,havingitselftraversedinrealityitself,becomesthatself。Waitamoment。Waitasecond。Damnthatfellow’snoiseinthestreet。Selfwhichititselfwasineluctablypreconditionedtobecome。Ecco!
LYNCHWithamockingwhinnyoflaughtergrinsatBloomandZoeHiggins。Whatalearnedspeech,eh?
ZOEBriskly。Godhelpyourhead,heknowsmorethanyouhaveforgotten。
WithobesestupidityFlorryTalbotregardsStephen。
FLORRYTheysaythelastdayiscomingthissummer。
KITTYNo!
ZOEExplodesinlaughter。GreatunjustGod!
FLORRYOffended。Well,itwasinthepapersaboutAntichrist。O,myfoot’stickling。
Raggedbarefootnewsboys,joggingawagtailkite,patterpast,yelling。
THENEWSBOYSStoppressedition。Resultoftherockinghorseraces。Seaserpentintheroyalcanal。SafearrivalofAntichrist。
StephenturnsandseesBloom。
STEPHENAtime,timesandhalfatime。
ReubenJ。Antichrist,wanderingjew,aclutchinghandopenonhisspine,stumpsforward。Acrosshisloinsisslungapilgrimswalletfromwhichprotrudepromissorynotesanddishonouredbills。Aloftoverhisshoulderhebearsalongboatpolefromthehookofwhichthesoddenhuddledmassofhisonlyson,savedfromLiffeywaters,hangsfromtheslackofitsbreeches。AhobgoblinintheimageofPunchCostello,hipshot,crookbacked,hydrocephalic,prognathicwithrecedingforeheadandAllySlopernose,tumblesinsomersaultsthroughthegatheringdarkness。
ALLWhat?
THEHOBGOBLINHisjawschattering,caperstoandfro,gogglinghiseyes,squeaking,kangaroohopping,withoutstretchedclutchingarms,thenallatoncethrustshisliplessfacethroughtheforkofhisthighs。Ilvient!C’estmoi!L’hommequirit!L’hommeprimigene!Hewhirlsroundandroundwithdervishhowls。Sieursetdames,faitesvosjeux!Hecrouchesjuggling。Tinyrouletteplanetsflyfromhishands。Lesjeuxson!faits!Theplanetsrushtogether,utteringcrepitantcracks。Rienn’vaplus。Theplanets,buoyantballoons,sailswollenupandaway。Hespringsoffintovacuum。
FLORRYSinkingintotorpor,crossesherselfsecretly。Theendoftheworld!
Afemaletepideffluviumleaksoutfromher。Nebulousobscurityoccupiesspace。Throughthedriftingfogwithoutthegramophoneblaresovercoughsandfeetshuffling。
THEGRAMOPHONEJerusalem!OpenyourgatesandsingHosanna……
Arocketrushesuptheskyandbursts。Awhitestarfallsfromit,proclaimingtheconsummationofallthingsandsecondcomingofElijah。Alonganinfiniteinvisibletight-ropetautfromzenithtonadirtheEndoftheWorld,atwoheadedoctopusingillieskilts,busbyandtartanfilibegs,whirlsthroughthemurk,headoverheels,inthefoboftheThreeLugsofMan。
THEENDOFTHEWORLDWithaScotchaccent。Wha’lldancethekeelrow,thekeelrow,thekeelrow?
Overthepassingdriftandchokingbreathcoughs,Elijah’svoice,harshasacorncrakes,jarsonhigh。Perspiringinalooselawnsurplicewithfunnelsleevesheisseen,vergefacedabovearostrumaboutwhichthebannerofoldgloryisdraped。Hethumpstheparapet。
ELIJAHNoyapping,ifyouplease,inthisbooth。JakeCrane,CreoleSue,DaveCampbell,AbeKirschner,doyourcoughingwithyourmouthsshut。Say,Iamoperatingallthistrunkline。Boys,doitnow。God’stimeis12。25。Tellmotheryou’llbethere。Rushyourorderandyouplayaslickace。Joinonrighthere!Bookthroughtoeternityjunction,thenonstoprun。Justonewordmore。Areyouagodoradoggoneclod?IfthesecondadventcametoConeyIslandareweready?FlorryChrist,StephenChrist,ZoeChrist,BloomChrist,KittyChrist,LynchChrist,it’suptoyoutosensethatcosmicforce。Havewecoldfeetaboutthecosmos?No。Beonthesideoftheangels。Beaprism。Youhavethatsomethingwithin,thehigherself。YoucanrubshoulderswithaJesus,aGautama,anIngersoll。Areyouallinthisvibration?Isayyouare。Youoncenobblethat,congregation,andabuckjoyridetoheavenbecomesabacknumber。Yougotme?It’salifebrightener,sure。Thehotteststuffeverwas。It’sthewholepiewithjamin。It’sjustthecutestsnappiestlineout。Itisimmense,supersumptuous。Itrestores。Itvibrates。IknowandIamsomevibrator。Jokingapartandgettingdowntobedrock,A。J。ChristDowieandtheharmonialphilosophy,haveyougotthat?O。K。Seventysevenwestsixtyninthstreet。Gotme?That’sit。Youcallmeupbysunphoneanyoldtime。Bumboosers,saveyourstamps。Heshouts。Nowthenourglorysong。Alljoinheartilyinthesinging。Encore!Hesings。Jeru……
THEGRAMOPHONEDrowninghisvoice。Whorusalaminyourhighhohhhh。
Thediscraspsgratinglyagainsttheneedle。
THETHREE’WHORESCoveringtheirears,squawk。Ahhkkk!
ELIJAHInrolledupshirtsleeves,blackintheface,shoutsatthetopofhisvoice,hisarmsuplifted。BigBrotherupthere,MrPresident,youhearwhatIdonejustbeensayingtoyou。Certainly,Isortofbelievestronginyou,MrPresident。IcertainlyamthinkingnowMissHigginsandMissRickettsgotreligionwayinsidethem。CertainlyseemstomeIdon’tneverseenowusserscaredfemalethanthewayyoubeen,MissFlorry,justnowasIdoneseedyou。MrPresident,youcomelongandhelpmesaveoursistersdear。Hewinksathisaudience。OurMrPresident,hetwigthewholelotandheain’tsayingnothing。
KITTY-KATEIforgotmyself。InaweakmomentIerredanddidwhatIdidonConstitutionhill。Iwasconfirmedbythebishop。Mymother’ssistermarriedaMontmorency。ItwasaworkingplumberwasmyruinationwhenIwaspure。
ZOE-FANNYIlethimlarrupitintomeforthefunofit。
FLORRY-TERESAItwasinconsequenceofaportwinebeverageontopofHennessy’sthreestarsIwasguiltywithWhelanwhenheslippedintothebed。
STEPHENInthebeginningwastheword,intheendtheworldwithoutend。Blessedbetheeightbeatitudes。
Thebeatitudes,Dixon,Madden,Crotthers,Costello,Lenehan,Bannon,MulliganandLynchinwhitesurgicalstudents’gowns,fourabreast,goosestepping,trampfastpastinnoisymarching。
THEBEATITUDESIncoherently。Beerbeefbattledogbuybullbusinumbarnumbuggerumbishop。
LYSTERInquakergreykneebreechesandbroadbrimmedhat,saysdiscreetly。Heisourfriend。Ineednotmentionnames。Seekthouthelight。
Hecorantosby。Bestentersinhairdresserattire,shinilylaundered,hislocksincurlpapers。HeleadsJohnEglintonwhowearsamandarin’skimonoofNankeenyellow,lizard-lettered,andahighpagodahat。
BESTSmiling,liftsthehatanddisplaysashavenpollfromthecrownofwhichbristlesapigtailtoupeetiedwithanorangetopknot。Iwasjustbeautifyinghim,don’tyouknow。Athingofbeauty,don’tyouknow。Yeatssays,orImean,Keatssays。Producesagreencappeddarklanternandflashesittowardsacorner;withcarpingaccent。Estheticsandcosmeticsarefortheboudoir。Iamoutfortruth。Plaintruthforaplainman。Tanderageewantsthefactsandmeanstogetthem。
Intheconeofthesearchlightbehindthecoalscuttle,ollave,holyeyed,thebeardedfigureofMananaanMacLirbroods,chinonknees。Herisesslowly。Acoldseawindblowsfromhisdruidmantle。Abouthisheadwritheeelsandelvers。Heisencrustedwithweedsandshells。Hisrighthandholdsabicyclepump。Hislefthandgraspsahugecrayfishbyitstwotalons。
MANANAANMACLIRWithavoiceofwaves。Aum!Hek!Wal!Ak!Lub!Mor!Ma!WhiteyoghinoftheGods。OccultpimanderofHermesTrismegistos。Withavoiceofwhistlingseawind。Punarjanampatsypunjaub!Iwon’thavemylegpulled。Ithasbeensaidbyone:bewaretheleft,thecultofShakti。Withacryofstormbirds。Shakti,Shiva!DarkhiddenFather!Hesmiteswithhisbicyclepumpthecrayfishinhislefthand。Onitsco-operativedialglowthetwelvesignsofthezodiac。Hewailswiththevehemenceoftheocean。Aum!Baum!Pyjaum!Iamthelightofthehomestead,Iamthedreamerycreamerybutter。
Askeletonjudashandstranglesthelight。Thegreenlightwanestomauve。Thegasjetwailswhistling。
THEGASJETPooah!Pfuiiiiii!
Zoerunstothechandelierand,crookingherleg,adjuststhemantle。
ZOEWhohasafagasI’mhere?
LYNCHTossingacigaretteontothetable。Here。
ZOEHerheadperchedasideinmockpride。Isthatthewaytohandthepottoalady?Shestretchesuptolightthecigaretteovertheflame,twirlingitslowly,showingthebrowntuftsofherarmpits。Lynchwithhispokerliftsboldlyasideofherslip。Barefromhergartersupherfleshappearsunderthesapphireanixie’sgreen。Shepuffscalmlyathercigarette。Canyouseethebeautyspotofmybehind?
LYNCHI’mnotlooking。
ZOEMakessheep’seyes。No?Youwouldn’tdoalessthing。Wouldyousuckalemon?
SquintinginmockshamesheglanceswithsidelongmeaningatBloom,thentwistsroundtowardshim,pullingherslipfreeofthepoker。Bluefluidagainflowsoverherflesh。Bloomstands,smilingdesirously,twirlinghisthumbs。KittyRickettslickshermiddlefingerwithherspittleandgazinginthemirror,smoothsbotheyebrows。LipotiVirag,basilicogrammate,chutesrapidlydownthroughthechimneyflueandstrutstwostepstotheleftongawkypinkstilts。Heissausagedintoseveralovercoatsandwearsabrownmacintoshunderwhichheholdsarollofparchment。InhislefteyeflashesthemonocleofCashelBoyleO’ConnorFitzmauriceTisdallFarrell。OnhisheadisperchedanEgyptianpshent。Twoquillsprojectoverhisears。
VIRAGHeelstogetherbows。MynameisViragLipoti,ofSzombathely。Hecoughsthoughtfully,drily。Promiscuousnakednessismuchinevidencehereabouts,eh?Inadvertentlyherbackviewrevealedthefactthatsheisnotwearingthoseratherintimategarmentsofwhichyouareaparticulardevotee。TheinjectionmarkonthethighIhopeyouperceived?Good。
BLOOMGranpapachi。But……
VIRAGNumbertwoontheotherhand,sheofthecherryrougeandcoiffeusewhite,whosehairowesnotalittletoourtribalelixirofgopherwood,isinwalkingcostumeandtightlystaysedbyhersit,Ishouldopine。Backboneinfront,sotosay。CorrectmebutIalwaysunderstoodthattheactsoperformedbyskittishhumanswithglimpsesoflingerieappealedtoyouinvirtueofitsexhibitionististicicity。Inaword。Hippogriff。AmIright?
BLOOMSheisratherlean。
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