Inthiseighty-secondyearofhisagehewascompelledtoremaincontinentforaboutsevenmonths，duringwhichtimehemetnowomankindlydisposedtowardshim；andhedeclaredbeforethejudgethatthathadcausedthegreatestastonishmentofhislongandhonourablelife。InthismostpitiablestatehesawinthefieldsduringthemerrymonthofMayagirl，whobychancewasamaiden，andmindingcows。Theheatwassoexcessivethatthiscowherdesshadstretchedherselfbeneaththeshadowofabeechtree，herfacetotheground，afterthecustomofpeoplewholabourinthefields，inordertogetalittlenapwhileheranimalsweregrazing。Shewasawakenedbythedeedoftheoldman，whohadstolenfromherthatwhichapoorgirlcouldonlyloseonce。Findingherselfruinedwithoutreceivingfromtheprocesseitherknowledgeorpleasure，shecriedoutsoloudlythatthepeopleworkinginthefieldsrantoher，andwerecalleduponbyheraswitnesses，atthetimewhenthatdestructionwasvisibleinherwhichisappropriateonlytoabridalnight。Shecriedandgroaned，sayingthattheoldapemightjustaswellhaveplayedhistricksonhermother，whowouldhavesaidnothing。
　　Hemadeanswertothepeasants，whohadalreadyraisedtheirhoestokillhim，thathehadbeencompelledtoenjoyhimself。Thesepeopleobjectedthatamancanenjoyhimselfverywellwithoutenjoyingamaiden——acasefortheprovost，whichwouldbringhimstraighttothegallows；andhewastakenwithgreatclamourtothejailofRouen。
　　Thegirl，interrogatedbytheprovost，declaredthatshewassleepinginordertodosomething，andthatshethoughtshewasdreamingofherlover，withwhomshewasthenatloggerheads，becausebeforemarriagehewishedtotakecertainliberties：andjokingly，inthisdreamshelethimreconnoitertoacertainextent，inordertoavoidanydisputeafterwards，andthatinspiteofherprohibitionshewentfurtherthanshehadgivenhimleavetogo，andfindingmorepainthanpleasureintheaffair，shehadbeenawakenedbyVieuxpar-Chemins，whohadattackedherasagray-friarwouldahamattheendoflent。
　　ThistrialcausedsogreatacommotioninthetownofRouenthattheprovostwassentforbytheduke，whohadanintensedesiretoknowifthethingweretrue。Upontheaffirmationoftheprovost，heorderedVieuxpar-Cheminstobebroughttohispalace，inorderthathemighthearwhatdefencehehadtomake。Thepooroldfellowappearedbeforetheprince，andinformedhimnaivelyofthemisfortunewhichhisimpulsivenaturebroughtuponhim，declaringthathewaslikeayoungfellowimpelledbyimperiousdesires；thatuptothepresentyearhehadsweetheartsofhisown，butforthelasteightmonthshehadbeenatotalabstainer；thathewastoopoortofindfavourwiththegirlsofthetown；thathonestwomenwhooncewerecharitabletohim，hadtakenadisliketohishair，whichhadfeloniouslyturnedwhiteinspiteofthegreenyouthofhislove，andthathefeltcompelledtoavailhimselfofthechancewhenhesawthismaiden，who，stretchedatfulllengthunderthebeechtree，leftvisibletheliningofherdressandtwohemispheres，whiteassnow，whichhaddeprivedhimofreason；
　　thatthefaultwasthegirl'sandnothis，becauseyoungmaidensshouldbeforbiddentoenticepassers-bybyshowingthemthatwhichcausedVenustobenamedCallipyge；finallytheprinceoughttobeawarewhattroubleamanhadtocontrolhimselfatthehourofnoon，becausethatwasthetimeofdayatwhichKingDavidwassmittenwiththewifeoftheSieurUriah，thatwhereaHebrewking，belovedofGod，hadsuccumbed，apoorman，deprivedofalljoy，andreducedtobeggingforhisbread，couldnotexpecttoescape；thatforthatmatterofthat，hewasquitewillingtosingpsalmsfortheremainderofhisdays，andplayuponalutebywayofpenance，inimitationofthesaidking，whohadhadthemisfortunetoslayahusband，whilehehadonlydoneatriflinginjurytoapeasantgirl。ThedukelistenedtotheargumentsofVieuxpar-Chemins，andsaidthathewasamanofgoodparts。Thenhemadehismemorabledecree，thatif，asthisbeggardeclared，hehadneedofsuchgratificationathisagehegavepermissiontoproveitatthefootoftheladderwhichhewouldhavetomounttobehanged，accordingtothesentencealreadypassedonhimbytheprovost；thatifthen，theropebeingroundhisneck，betweenthepriestandthehangman，alikedesireseizedhimheshouldhaveafreepardon。
　　Thisdecreebecomingknown，therewasatremendouscrowdtoseetheoldfellowledtothegallows。Therewasalinedrawnupasifforaducalentry，andinitmanymorebonnetsthanhats。Vieuxpar-Cheminswassavedbyaladycurioustoseehowthispreciousviolatorwouldfinishhiscareer。Shetoldthedukethatreligiondemandedthatheshouldhaveafairchance。Andshedressedherselfasifforaball；
　　shebroughtintentionallyintoevidencetwohillocksofsuchsnowywhitenessthatthewhitestlinenneckerchiefwouldhavepaledbeforethem；indeed，thesefruitsoflovestoodout，withoutawrinkle，overhercorset，liketwobeautifulapples，andmadeone'smouthwater，soexquisitewerethey。Thisnoblelady，whowasoneofthosewhorouseone'smanhood，hadasmilereadyonherlipsfortheoldfellow。Vieuxpar-Chemins，dressedingarmentsofcoarsecloth，morecertainofbeinginthedesiredstateafterhangingthanbeforeit，camealongbetweentheofficersofjusticewithasadcountenance，glancingnowhereandthere，andseeingnothingbuthead-dresses；andhewouldhedeclared，havegivenahundredcrownsforagirltuckedupaswasthecowherdess，whosecharms，thoughtheyhadbeenhisruin，hestillremembered，andtheymightstillhavesavedhim；but，ashewasold，theremembrancewasnotsufficientlyrecent。Butwhen，atthefootoftheladder，hesawthetwincharmsofthelady，andtheprettydeltathattheirconfluentrotunditiesproduced，thesightsomuchexcitedhimthathisemotionwaspatenttothespectators。
　　“Makehasteandseethattherequiredconditionsarefulfilled，“saidhetotheofficers。“IhavegainedmypardonbutIcannotanswerformysaviour。“
　　Theladywaswellpleasedwiththishomage，which，shesaid，wasgreaterthanhisoffence。Theguards，whosebusinessitwastoproceedtoaverification，believedtheculprittobethedevil，becauseneverintheirwitshadtheyseenan“I“soperpendicularaswastheoldman。Hewasmarchedintriumphthroughthetowntothepalaceoftheduke，towhomtheguardsandothersstatedthefacts。Inthatperiodofignorance，thisaffairwasthoughtsomuchofthatthetownvotedtheerectionofacolumnonthespotwheretheoldfellowgainedhispardon，andhewasportrayedthereoninstoneintheattitudeheassumedatthesightofthathonestandvirtuouslady。ThestatuewasstilltobeseenwhenRouenwastakenbytheEnglish，andthewritersoftheperiodhaveincludedthishistoryamongthenotableeventsofthereign。
　　Asthetownofferedtosupplytheoldmanwithallherequired，andseetohissustenance，clothing，andamusements，thegooddukearrangedmattersbygivingtheinjuredmaidenathousandcrownsandmarryinghertoherseducer，whothenlosthisnameofVieuxpar-
　　Chemins。HewasnamedbytheduketheSieurdeBonne-C。Thiswifewasconfinedninemonthsafterwardsofaperfectlyformedmalechild，aliveandkicking，andbornwithtwoteeth。FromthismarriagecamethehouseofBonne-C——，whofrommotivesmodestbutwrong，besoughtourwell-belovedKingLouisEleventhtograntthemletterspatenttochangetheirnamesintothatofBonne-Chose。ThekingpointedouttotheSieurdeBonne-C——thattherewasinthestateofVeniceanillustriousfamilynamedCoglioni，whoworethree“C——aunatural“ontheircoatofarms。ThegentlemenoftheHouseofBonne-C——statedtothekingthattheirwiveswereashamedtobethuscalledinpublicassemblies；thekingansweredthattheywouldloseagreatdeal，becausethereisagreatdealinaname。
　　Nevertheless，hegrantedtheletters。Afterthatthisracewasknownbythisname，andfoundedfamiliesinmanyprovinces。ThefirstSieurdeBonne-C——livedanother27years，andhadanothersonandtwodaughters。Buthegrievedmuchatbecomingrich，andnolongerbeingabletopickupalivinginthestreet。
　　Fromthisyoucanobtainfinerlessonsandhighermoralsthanfromanystoryyouwillreadallyourlifelong——ofcourseexceptingthesehundredgloriousDrollTales——namely，thatnevercouldadventureofthissorthavehappenedtotheimpairedandruinedconstitutionsofcourtrascals，richpeopleandotherswhodigtheirgraveswiththeirteethbyover-eatinganddrinkingmanywinesthatimpairtheimplementsofhappiness；whichsaidover-fedpeoplewerelollingluxuriouslyincostlydraperiesandonfeatherbeds，whiletheSieurdeBonne-Chosewasroughingit。Inasimilarsituation，iftheyhadeatencabbage，itwouldhavegiventhemthediarrhoea。Thismayincitemanyofthosewhoreadthisstorytochangetheirmodeoflife，inordertoimitateVieuxpar-Cheminsinhisoldage。
　　ODDSAYINGSOFTHREEPILGRIMS
　　WhenthepopelefthisgoodtownofAvignontotakeuphisresidenceinRome，certainpilgrimswerethrownoutwhohadsetoutforthiscountry，andwouldhavetopassthehighAlps，inordertogainthissaidtownofRome，wheretheyweregoingtoseekthe/remittimus/ofvarioussins。Thenweretobeseenontheroads，andthehostelries，thosewhoworetheorderofCain，otherwisetheflowerofthepenitents，allwickedfellows，burdenedwithleproussouls，whichthirstedtobatheinthepapalpiscina，andallcarryingwiththemgoldorpreciousthingstopurchaseabsolution，payfortheirbeds，andpresenttothesaints。Youmaybesurethatthosewhodrankwatergoing，ontheirreturn，ifthelandlordsgavethemwater，wishedittobetheholywaterofthecellar。
　　AtthistimethethreepilgrimscametothissaidAvignontotheirinjury，seeingthatitwaswidowedofthepope。WhiletheywerepassingtheRhodane，toreachtheMediterraneancoast，oneofthethreepilgrims，whohadwithhimasonabout10yearsofage，partedcompanywiththeothers，andnearthetownofMilansuddenlyappearedagain，butwithouttheboy。Nowintheevening，atsupper，theyhadaheartyfeastinordertocelebratethereturnofthepilgrim，whotheythoughthadbecomedisgustedwithpenitencethroughthepopenotbeinginAvignon。OfthesethreeroamerstoRome，onehadcomefromthecityofParis，theotherfromGermany，andthethird，whodoubtlesswishedtoinstructhissononthejourney，hadhishomeintheduchyofBurgundy，inwhichhehadcertainfiefs，andwasayoungersonofthehouseofVillers-la-FayeVillainFago，andwasnamedLaVaugrenand。
　　TheGermanbaronhadmetthecitizenofParisjustpastLyons，andbothhadaccostedtheSiredelaVaugrenandinsightofAvignon。
　　Nowinthishostelrythethreepilgrimsloosenedtheirtongues，andagreedtojourneytoRometogether，inorderthebettertoresistthefootpads，thenight-birds，andothermalefactors，whomadeittheirbusinesstoeasepilgrimsofthatwhichweighedupontheirbodiesbeforethepopeeasedthemofthatwhichweighedupontheirconsciences。Afterdrinkingthethreecompanionscommencedtotalktogether，forthebottleisthekeyofconversation，andeachmadethisconfession——thatthecauseofhispilgrimagewasawoman。Theservantwhowatchedtheirdrinking，toldthemthatofahundredpilgrimswhostoppedinthelocality，ninety-nineweretravellingfromthesamething。Thesethreewisementhenbegantoconsiderhowperniciousiswomantoman。TheBaronshowedtheheavygoldchainthathehadinhishauberktopresenttoSaintPeter，andsaidhiscrimewassuchthathewouldnotgetridofwiththevalueoftwosuchchains。TheParisiantookoffhisglove，andexposedaringsetwithawhitediamond，sayingthathehadahundredlikeitforthepope。TheBurgundiantookoffhishat，andexhibitedtwowonderfulpearls，thatwerebeautifulear-pendantsforNotre-Dame-de-Lorette，andcandidlyconfessedthathewouldratherhaveleftthemroundhiswife'sneck。
　　ThereupontheservantexclaimedthattheirsinsmusthavebeenasgreatasthoseofVisconti。
　　Thenthepilgrimsrepliedthattheyweresuchthattheyhadmadeasolemnvowintheirmindsnevertogoastrayagainduringtheremainderoftheirdays，howeverbeautifulthewomanmightbe，andthisinadditiontothepenancewhichthepopemightimposeuponthem。
　　Thentheservantexpressedherastonishmentthatallhadmadethesamevow。TheBurgundianadded，thatthisvowhadbeenthecauseofhislaggingbehind，becausehehadbeeninextremefearthathisson，inspiteofhisage，mightgoastray，andthathehadmadeavowtopreventpeopleandbeastsalikegratifyingtheirpassionsinhishouse，oruponhisestates。Thebaronhavinginquiredtheparticularsoftheadventure，thesirenarratedtheaffairasfollows：——
　　“YouknowthatthegoodCountessJeaned'Avignonmadeformerlyalawfortheharlots，whoshecompelledtoliveintheoutskirtsofthetowninhouseswithwindow-shutterspaintedredandclosed。Nowpassinginmycompanyinthisvileneighbourhood，myladremarkedthesehouseswithclosedwindow-shutters，paintedred，andhiscuriositybeingaroused——fortheseten-yearoldlittledevilshaveeyesforeverything——hepulledmebythesleeveandkeptonpullinguntilhehadlearntfrommewhatthesehouseswere。Then，toobtainpeace，Itoldhimthatyoungladshadnothingtodowithsuchplaces，andcouldonlyenterthemattheperiloftheirlives，becauseitwasaplacewheremenandwomenweremanufactured，andthedangerwassuchforanyoneunacquaintedwiththebusinessthatifanoviceentered，flyingchancresandotherwildbeastswouldseizeuponhisface。Fearseizedthelad，whothenfollowedmetothehostelryinastateofagitation，andnotdaringtocasthiseyesuponthesaidbordels。
　　WhileIwasinthestable，seeingtotheputtingupofthehorses，mysonwentofflikearobber，andtheservantwasunabletotellmewhathadbecomeofhim。ThenIwasingreatfearofthewenches，buthadconfidenceinthelaws，whichforbadethemtoadmitsuchchildren。Atsupper-timetherascalcamebacktomelookingnomoreashamedofhimselfthandidourdivineSaviourinthetempleamongthedoctors。
　　“'Whencecomesyou？'saidItohim。
　　“'Fromthehouseswiththeredshutters，'hereplied。
　　“'Littleblackguard，'saidI，'I'llgiveyouatasteofthewhip。'
　　“Thenhebegantomoanandcry。ItoldhimthatifhewouldconfessallthathadhappenedtohimIwouldlethimoffthebeating。
　　“'Ha，'saidhe，'Itookcarenottogoin，becauseoftheflyingchancresandotherwildbeasts。Ionlylookedthroughthechinksofthewindows，inordertoseehowmenweremanufactured。'
　　“'Andwhatdidyousee？'Iasked。
　　“'Isaw，'saidhe，'afinewomanjustbeingfinished，becausesheonlywantedonepeg，whichayoungworkerwasfittinginwithenergy。
　　Directlyshewasfinishedsheturnedround，spoketo，andkissedhermanufacturer。'
　　“'Haveyoursupper，'saidI；andthesamenightIreturnedintoBurgundy，andlefthimwithhismother，beingsorelyafraidthatatthefirsttownhemightwanttofitapegintosomegirl。“
　　“Thesechildrenoftenmakethesesortofanswers，“saidtheParisian。
　　“Oneofmyneighbour'schildrenrevealedthecuckoldomofhisfatherbyareply。OnedayIasked，toseeifhewaswellinstructedatschoolinreligiousmatters，'Whatishope？''Oneoftheking'sbigarchers，whocomesherewhenfathergoesout，'saidhe。Indeed，thesergeantoftheArcherswasnamedHope。Myfriendwasdumbfoundedatthis，and，althoughtokeephiscountenancehelookedinthemirror，hecouldnotseehishornsthere。“
　　Thebaronobservedthattheboy'sremarkwasgoodinthisway：thatHopeisapersonwhocomestobedwithuswhentherealitiesoflifeareoutoftheway。
　　“IsacuckoldmadeintheimageofGod？”askedtheBurgundian。
　　“No，“saidtheParisian，“becauseGodwaswiseinthisrespect，thathetooknowife；thereforeisHehappythroughalleternity。“
　　“But，“saidthemaid-servant，“cuckoldsaremadeintheimageofGodbeforetheyarehorned。“
　　Thenthethreepilgrimsbegantocursewomen，sayingthattheywerethecauseofalltheevilsintheworld。
　　“Theirheadsareasemptyashelmets，“saidtheBurgundian。
　　“Theirheartsareasstraightasbill-hooks，“saidtheParisian。
　　“Whyaretheresomanymenpilgrimsandsofewwomenpilgrims？”saidtheGermanbaron。
　　“Theircursedmemberneversins，“repliedtheParisian；“itknowsneitherfathernormother，thecommandmentsofGod，northoseoftheChurch，neitherlawsdivineorhuman：theirmemberknowsnodoctrine，understandsnoheresies，andcannotbeblamed；itisinnocentofall，andalwaysonthelaugh；itsunderstandingisnil；andforthisreasondoIholditinutterdetestation。“
　　“Ialso，“saidtheBurgundian，“andIbegintounderstandthedifferentreadingbyalearnedmanoftheversesoftheBible，inwhichtheaccountofthecreationisgiven。InthisCommentary，whichinmycountrywecallaNoel，liesthereasonofimperfectionofthisfeatureofwomen，ofwhich，differenttothatofotherfemales，nomancanslakethethirst，suchdiabolicalheatexistingthere。InthisNoelisstatedthattheLordGod，havingturnedhisheadtolookatadonkey，whohadbrayedforthefirsttimeinhisParadise，whilehewasmanufacturingEve，thedevilseizedthismomenttoputhisfingerintothisdivinecreature，andmadeawarmwound，whichtheLordtookcaretoclosewithastitch，fromwhichcomesthemaid。Bymeansofthisfrenum，thewomanshouldremainclosed，andchildrenbemadeinthesamemannerinwhichGodmadetheangels，byapleasurefarabovecarnalpleasureastheheavenisabovetheearth。Observingthisclosing，thedevil，wildatbeingdone，pinchedtheSieurAdam，whowasasleep，bytheskin，andstretchedaportionofitoutinimitationofhisdiabolicaltail；butasthefatherofmanwasonhisbackthisappendagecameoutinfront。Thusthesetwoproductionsofthedevilhadthedesiretoreunitethemselves，followingthelawofsimilaritieswhichGodhadlaiddownfortheconductoftheworld。
　　Fromthiscamethefirstsinandthesorrowsofthehumanrace，becauseGod，noticingthedevil'swork，determinedtoseewhatwouldcomeofit。“
　　Theservantdeclaredthattheywerequitecorrectinthestatements，forthatwomanwasabadanimal，andthatsheherselfknewsomewhowerebetterunderthegroundthanonit。Thepilgrims，noticingthenhowprettythegirlwas，wereafraidofbreakingtheirvows，andwentstraighttobed。Thegirlwentandtoldhermistressshewasharbouringinfidels，andtoldherwhattheyhadsaidaboutwomen。
　　“Ah！”saidthelandlady，“whatmattersittomethethoughtsmycustomershaveintheirbrains，solongastheirpursesarewellfilled。“
　　Andwhentheservanthadtoldofthejewels，sheexclaimed——
　　“Ah，thesearequestionswhichconcernallwomen。Letusgoandreasonwiththem。I'lltakethenobles，youcanhavethecitizen。“
　　Thelandlady，whowasthemostshamelessinhabitantoftheduchyofMilan，wentintothechamberwheretheSiredeLaVaugrenandandtheGermanbaronweresleeping，andcongratulatedthemupontheirvows，sayingthatthewomenwouldnotlosemuchbythem；buttoaccomplishthesesaidvowsitwasnecessarytheyshouldendeavourtowithstandthestrongesttemptations。Thensheofferedtoliedownbesidethem，soanxiouswereshetoseeifshewouldbeleftunmolested，athingwhichhadneverhappenedtoheryetinthecompanyofaman。
　　Onthemorrow，atbreakfast，theservanthadtheringonherfinger，hermistresshadthegoldchainandthepearlearrings。Thethreepilgrimsstayedinthetownaboutamonth，spendingthereallthemoneytheyhadintheirpurses，andagreedthatiftheyhadspokensoseverelyofwomenitwasbecausetheyhadnotknownthoseofMilan。
　　OnhisreturntoGermanytheBaronmadethisobservation：thathewasonlyguiltyofonesin，thatofbeinginhiscastle。TheCitizenofPariscamebackfullofstoriesforhiswife，andfoundherfullofHope。TheBurgundiansawMadamedeLaVaugrenandsotroubledthathenearlydiedoftheconsolationsheadministeredtoher，inspiteofhisformeropinions。Thisteachesustoholdourtonguesinhostelries。
　　INNOCENCE
　　Bythedoublecrestofmyfowl，andbytheroseliningofmysweetheart'sslipper！Byallthehornsofwell-belovedcuckolds，andbythevirtueoftheirblessedwives！thefinestworkofmanisneitherpoetry，norpaintedpictures，normusic，norcastles，norstatues，betheycarvedneversowell，norrowing，norsailinggalleys，butchildren。
　　Understandme，childrenuptotheageoftenyears，forafterthattheybecomemenorwomen，andcuttingtheirwisdomteeth，arenotworthwhattheycost；theworstarethebest。Watchthemplaying，prettilyandinnocently，withslippers；aboveall，cancellatedones，withthehouseholdutensils，leavingthatwhichdispleasesthem，cryingafterthatwhichpleasesthem，munchingthesweetsandconfectioneryinthehouse，nibblingatthestores，andalwayslaughingassoonastheirteetharecut，andyouwillagreewithmethattheyareineverywaylovable；besideswhichtheyareflowerandfruit——thefruitoflove，thefloweroflife。Beforetheirmindshavebeenunsettledbythedisturbancesoflife，thereisnothinginthisworldmoreblessedormorepleasantthantheirsayings，whicharenaivebeyonddescription。Thisisastrueasthedoublechewingmachineofacow。Donotexpectamantobeinnocentafterthemannerofchildren，becausethereisan，Iknownotwhat，ingredientofreasoninthenaivetyofaman，whilethenaivetyofchildreniscandid，immaculate，andhasallthefinesseofthemother，whichisplainlyprovedinthistale。
　　QueenCatherinewasatthattimeDauphine，andtomakeherselfwelcometotheking，herfather-in-law，whoatthattimewasveryillindeed，presentedhim，fromtimetotime，withItalianpictures，knowingthathelikedthemmuch，beingafriendoftheSieurRaphaeld'UrbinandoftheSieursPrimaticeandLeonardodaVinci，towhomhesentlargesumsofmoney。Sheobtainedfromherfamily——whohadthepickoftheseworks，becauseatthattimetheDukeoftheMedicisgovernedTuscany——
　　apreciouspicture，paintedbyaVenetiannamedTitianartisttotheEmperorCharles，andinveryhighflavour，inwhichtherewereportraitsofAdamandEveatthemomentwhenGodleftthemtowanderabouttheterrestrialParadise，andwerepaintedtheirfullheight，inthecostumeoftheperiod，inwhichitisdifficulttomakeamistake，becausetheywereattiredintheirignorance，andcaparisonedwiththedivinegracewhichenvelopedthem——adifficultthingtoexecuteonaccountofthecolour，butoneinwhichthesaidSieurTitianexcelled。Thepicturewasputintotheroomofthepoorking，whowasthenillwiththediseaseofwhichheeventuallydied。IthadagreatsuccessattheCourtofFrance，whereeveryonewishedtoseeit；butnoonewasabletountilaftertheking'sdeath，sinceathisdesireitwasallowedtoremaininhisroomaslongashelived。
　　OnedayMadameCatherinetookwithhertotheking'sroomhersonFrancisandlittleMargot，whobegantotalkatrandom，aschildrenwill。Nowhere，nowthere，thesechildrenhadheardthispictureofAdamandEvespokenabout，andhadtormentedtheirmothertotakethemthere。Sincethetwolittleonesattimesamusedtheoldking，MadametheDauphineconsentedtotheirrequest。
　　“YouwishedtoseeAdamandEve，whowereourfirstparents；theretheyare，“saidshe。
　　ThensheleftthemingreatastonishmentbeforeTitian'spicture，andseatedherselfbythebedsideoftheking，whodelightedtowatchthechildren。
　　“WhichofthetwoisAdam？”saidFrancis，nudginghissisterMargot'selbow。
　　“Yousilly！”repliedshe，“toknowthat，theywouldhavetobedressed！”
　　Thisreply，whichdelightedthepoorkingandthemother，wasmentionedinaletterwritteninFlorencebyQueenCatherine。
　　Nowriterhavingbroughtittolight，itwillremain，likeasweetflower，inacorneroftheseTales，althoughitisnowaydroll，andthereisnoothermoraltobedrawnfromitexceptthattoheartheseprettyspeechesofinfancyonemustbegetthechildren。
　　THEFAIRIMPERIAMARRIED
　　I
　　HOWMADAMEIMPERIAWASCAUGHTBYTHEVERYNETSHEWAS
　　ACCUSTOMEDTOSPREADFORHERLOVE-BIRDS
　　ThelovelyladyImperia，whogloriouslyopensthesetales，becauseshewasthegloryofhertime，wascompelledtocomeintothetownofRome，aftertheholdingofthecouncil，forthecardinalofRagusalovedhermorethanhiscardinal'shat，andwishedtohavehernearhim。Thisrascalwassomagnificent，thathepresentedherwiththebeautifulpalacethathehadinthePapalcapital。Aboutthistimeshehadthemisfortunetofindherselfinaninterestingconditionbythiscardinal。Aseveryoneknows，thispregnancyfinishedwithafinelittledaughter，concerningwhomthePopesaidjokinglythatsheshouldbenamedTheodora，asiftosayTheGiftOfGod。Thegirlwasthusnamed，andwasexquisitelylovely。ThecardinallefthisinheritancetothisTheodora，whomthefairImperiaestablishedinherhotel，forshewasflyingfromRomeasfromaperniciousplace，wherechildrenwerebegotten，andwhereshehadnearlyspoiledherbeautifulfigure，hercelebratedperfections，linesofthebody，curvesoftheback，deliciousbreasts，andSerpentinecharmswhichplacedherasmuchabovetheotherwomenofChristendomastheHolyFatherwasaboveallotherChristians。ButallherloversknewthatwiththeassistanceofelevendoctorsofPadua，sevenmastersurgeonsofPavia，andfivesurgeonscomefromallparts，whoassistedatherconfinement，shewaspreservedfromallinjury。Somegosofarastosaythatshegainedthereinsuperfinenessandwhitenessofskin。Afamousman，oftheschoolofSalerno，wroteabookonthesubject，toshowthevalueofaconfinementforthefreshness，health，preservation，andbeautyofwomen。InthisverylearnedbookitwasclearlyprovedtoreadersthatthatwhichwasbeautifultoseeinImperia，wasthatwhichitwaspermissibleforloversalonetobehold；ararecasethen，forshedidnotdisarrangeherattireforthepettyGermanprinceswhomshecalledhermargraves，burgraves，electors，anddukes，justasacaptainrankshissoldiers。
　　Everyoneknowsthatwhenshewaseighteenyearsofage，thelovelyTheodora，toatoneforhermother'sgaylife，wishedtoretireintothebosomoftheChurch。Withthisideasheplacedherselfinthehandsofacardinal，inorderthathemightinstructherinthedutiesofthedevout。Thiswickedshepherdfoundthelambsomagnificentlybeautifulthatheattemptedtodebauchher。Theodorainstantlystabbedherselfwithastiletto，inordernottobecontaminatedbytheevil-
　　mindedpriest。Thisadventure，whichwasconsignedtothehistoryoftheperiod，madeagreatcommotioninRome，andwasdeploredbyeveryone，somuchwasthedaughterofImperiabeloved。
　　Thenthisnoblecourtesan，muchafflicted，returnedtoRome，theretoweepforherpoordaughter。Shesetoutinthethirty-ninthyearofherage，whichwas，accordingtosomeauthors，thesummerofhermagnificentbeauty，becausethenshehadobtainedtheacmeofperfection，likeripefruit。Sorrowmadeherhaughtyandhardwiththosewhospoketoheroflove，inordertodryhertears。Thepopehimselfvisitedherinherpalace，andgavehercertainwordsofadmonition。Butsherefusedtobecomforted，sayingthatshewouldhenceforthdevoteherselftoGod，becauseshehadneveryetbeensatisfiedbyanyman，althoughshehadardentlydesiredit；andallofthem，evenalittlepriest，whomshehadadoredlikeasaint'sshrine，haddeceivedher。God，shewassure，wouldnotdoso。
　　Thisresolutiondisconcertedmany，forshewasthejoyofavastnumberoflords。SothatpeopleranaboutthestreetsofRomecryingout，“WhereisMadameImperia？Isshegoingtodeprivetheworldoflove？”Someoftheambassadorswrotetotheirmastersonthesubject。
　　TheEmperoroftheRomanswasmuchcutupaboutit，becausehehadlovedhertodistractionforelevenweeks；hadleftheronlytogotothewars，andlovedherstillasmuchashismostpreciousmember，whichaccordingtohisownstatement，washiseye，forthataloneembracedthewholeofhisdearImperia。InthisextremitythePopesentforaSpanishphysician，andconductedhimtothebeautifulcreature，towhomheproved，byvariousarguments，adornedwithLatinandGreekquotations，thatbeautyisimpairedbytearsandtribulation，andthatthroughsorrow'sdoorwrinklesstepin。Thisproposition，confirmedbythedoctorsoftheHolyCollegeincontroversy，hadtheeffectofopeningthedoorsofthepalacethatsameevening。Theyoungcardinals，theforeignenvoys，thewealthyinhabitants，andtheprincipalmenofthetownofRomecame，crowdedtherooms，andheldajoyousfestival；thecommonpeoplemadegrandilluminations，andthusthewholepopulationcelebratedthereturnoftheQueenofPleasuretoheroccupation，forshewasatthattimethepresidingdeityofLove。Theexpertsinalltheartslovedhermuch，becauseshespentconsiderablesumsofmoneyimprovingtheChurchinRome，whichcontainedpoorTheodora'stomb，whichwasdestroyedduringthatpillageofRomeinwhichperishedthetraitorousconstableofBourbon，forthisholymaidenwasplacedthereininamassivecoffinofgoldandsilver，whichthecursedsoldierswereanxioustoobtain。
　　Thebasiliccost，itissaid，morethanthepyramiderectedbytheLadyRhodepa，anEgyptiancourtesan，eighteenhundredyearsbeforethecomingofourdivineSaviour，whichprovestheantiquityofthispleasantoccupation，theextravagantpriceswhichthewiseEgyptianspaidfortheirpleasures，andhowthingsdeteriorate，seeingthatnowforatrifleyoucanhaveachemisefulloffemalelovelinessintheRueduPetit-Heulen，atParis。Isitnotabomination？
　　NeverhadMadameImperiaappearedsolovelyasatthisfirstgalaafterhermourning。Alltheprinces，cardinals，andothersdeclaredthatshewasworthythehomageofthewholeworld，whichwasthererepresentedbyanoblefromeveryknownland，andthuswasitamplydemonstratedthatbeautywasineveryplacequeenofeverything。
　　TheenvoyoftheKingofFrance，whowasacadetofthehouseofl'IleAdam，arrivedlate，althoughhehadneveryetseenImperia，andwasmostanxioustodoso。Hewasahandsomeyoungknight，muchinfavourwithhissovereign，inwhosecourthehadamistress，whomhelovedwithinfinitetenderness，andwhowasthedaughterofMonsieurdeMontmorency，alordwhosedomainsbordereduponthoseofthehouseofl'IleAdam。TothispennilesscadetthekinghadgivencertainmissionstotheduchyofMilan，ofwhichhehadacquittedhimselfsowellthathewassenttoRometoadvancethenegotiationsconcerningwhichhistorianshavewrittensomuchintheirbooks。Nowifhehadnothingofhisown，poorlittlel'IleAdamrelieduponsogoodabeginning。Hewasslightlybuilt，butuprightasacolumn，dark，withblack，glisteningeyes；andamannoteasilytakenin；butconcealinghisfinesse，hehadtheairofaninnocentchild，whichmadehimgentleandamiableasalaughingmaiden。Directlythisgentlemanjoinedhercircle，andhereyeshadresteduponhim，MadameImperiafeltherselfbittenbyastrongdesire，whichstretchedtheharpstringsofhernature，andproducedtherefromasoundshehadnotheardformanyaday。Shewasseizedwithsuchavertigooftrueloveatthesightofthisfreshnessofyouth，thatbutforherimperialdignityshewouldhavekissedthegoodcheekswhichshonelikelittleapples。
　　Nowtakenoteofthis；thatsocalledmodestwomen，andladieswhoseskirtsbeartheirarmorialbearings，arethoroughlyignorantofthenatureofman，becausetheykeeptoonealone，liketheQueenofFrancewhobelievedallmenhadulcersinthenosebecausethekinghad；butagreatcourtesan，likeMadameImperia，knewmantohiscore，becauseshehadhandledagreatmany。Inherretreat，everyonecameoutinhistruecolours，andconcealednothing，thinkingtohimselfthathewouldnotbelongwithher。Havingoftendeploredthissubjection，sometimesshewouldremarkthatshesufferedfrompleasuremorethanshesufferedfrompain。Therewasthedarkshadowofherlife。Youmaybesurethataloverwasoftencompelledtopartwithanicelittleheapofcrownsinordertopassthenightwithher，andwasreducedtodesperationbyarefusal。Nowforheritwasajoyfulthingtofeelayouthfuldesire，likethatshehadforthelittlepriest，whosestorycommencesthiscollection；butbecauseshewasolderthaninthosemerrydays，lovewasmorefullyestablishedinher，andshesoonperceivedthatitwasofafierynaturewhenitbegantomakeitselffelt；indeed，shesufferedinherskinlikeacatthatisbeingscorched，andsomuchsothatshehadanintenselongingtospringuponthisgentleman，andbearhimintriumphtohernest，asakitedoesitsprey，butwithgreatdifficultysherestrainedherself。Whenhecameandbowedtoher，shethrewbackherhead，andassumedamostdignifiedattitude，asdothosewhohavealoveinfatuationintheirhearts。Thegravityofherdemeanourtotheyoungambassadorcausedmanytothinkthatshehadworkinstoreforhim；
　　equivocatingontheword，afterthecustomofthetime。
　　L'IleAdam，knowinghimselftobedearlylovedbyhismistress，troubledhimselfbutlittleaboutMadameImperia，graveorgay，andfriskedaboutlikeagoatletloose。Thecourtesan，terriblyannoyedatthis，changedhertone，frombeingsulkybecamegayandlively，cametohim，softenedhervoice，sharpenedherglance，gracefullyinclinedherhead，rubbedagainsthimwithhersleeve，andcalledhimMonsiegneur，embracedhimwiththelovingwords，trifledwithhishand，andfinishedbysmilingathimmostaffably。He，notimaginingthatsounprofitablealoverwouldsuither，forhewasaspoorasachurchmouse，anddidnotknowthathisbeautywastheequalinhereyestoallthetreasuresoftheworld，wasnottakeninhertrap，butcontinuedtoridethehighhorsewithhishandonhiships。ThisdisdainofherpassionirritatedMadametotheheart，whichbythissparkwassetinflame。Ifyoudoubtthis，itisbecauseyouknownothingoftheprofessionoftheMadameImperia，whobyreasonofitmightbecomparedtoachimney，inwhichagreatnumberoffireshavebeenlighted，whichhadfilleditwithsoot；inthisstateamatchwassufficienttoburneverythingthere，whereahundredfagotshassmokedcomfortably。Sheburnedwithinfromtoptotoeinahorriblemanner，andcouldnotbeextinguishedsavewiththewateroflove。Thecadetofl'IleAdamlefttheroomwithoutnoticingthisardour。
　　Madame，disconsolateathisdeparture，losthersensesfromherheadtoherfeet，andsothoroughlythatshesentamessengertohimonthegalleries，begginghimtopassthenightwithher。Onnootheroccasionofherlifehadshehadthiscowardice，eitherforking，pope，oremperor，sincethehighpriceofherfavourscamefromthebondageinwhichsheheldheradmirers，whomthemoreshehumbledthemoresheraisedherself。Thedisdainfulheroofthishistorywasinformedbytheheadchamber-women，whowasacleverjade，thatinallprobabilityagreattreatawaitedhim，formostcertainlyMadamewouldregalehimwithhermostdelicateinventionsoflove。L'IleAdamreturnedtothesalons，delightedatthisluckychance。DirectlytheenvoyofFrancereappeared，aseveryonehadseenImperiaturnpaleathisdeparture，thegeneraljoyknewnobounds，becauseeveryonewasdelightedtoseeherreturntoheroldlifeoflove。AnEnglishcardinal，whohaddrainedmorethanonebig-belliedflagon，andwishedtotasteImperia，wenttol'IleAdamandwhisperedtohim，“Holdherfast，sothatsheshallneveragainescapeus。“
　　Thestoryofthisremarkwastoldtothepopeathislevee，andcausedhimtoremark，/Laetamini，gentes，quoniamsurrexitDominus/。A
　　quotationwhichtheoldcardinalsabominatedasaprofanationofsacredtexts。Seeingwhich，thepopereprimandedthemseverely，andtookoccasiontolecturethem，tellingthemthatiftheyweregoodChristianstheywerebadpoliticians。Indeed，herelieduponthefairImperiatoreclaimtheemperor，andwiththisideahesyringedherwellwithflattery。
　　Thelightsofthepalacebeingextinguished，thegoldenflagonsonthefloor，andtheservantsdrunkandstretchedaboutonthecarpets，Madameenteredherbedchamber，leadingbythehandherdearlover-
　　elect；andshewaswellpleased，andhassinceconfessedthatsostronglywasshebittenwithlove，shecouldhardlyrestrainherselffromrollingathisfeetlikeabeastofthefield，begginghimtocrushherbeneathhimifhecould。L'IleAdamslippedoffhisgarments，andtumbledintobedasifhewereinhisownhouse。Seeingwhich，Madamehastenedherpreparations，andsprangintoherlover'sarmswithafrenzythatastonishedherwomen，whoknewhertobeordinarilyoneofthemostmodestofwomenontheseoccasions。Theastonishmentbecamegeneralthroughoutthecountry，forthepairremainedinbedforninedays，eating，drinking，andembracinginamarvellousandmostmasterlymanner。Madametoldherwomenthatatlastshehadplacedherhandonaphoenixoflove，sinceherevivedfromeveryattack。NothingwastalkedofinRomeandItalybutthevictorythathadbeengainedoverImperia，whohadboastedthatshewouldyieldtonoman，andspatuponallofthem，eventhedukes。Astotheaforesaidmargravesandburgraves，shegavethemthetailofherdresstohold，andsaidthatifshedidnottreadthemunderfoot，theywouldtrampleuponher。Madameconfessedtoherservantsthat，differentlytoallothermenshehadhadtoputupwith，themoreshefondledthischildoflove，themoreshedesiredtodoso，andthatshewouldneverbeabletopartwithhim；norhissplendideyes，whichblindedher；norhisbranchofcoral，thatshealwayshungeredafter。
　　Shefurtherdeclaredthatifsuchwerehisdesire，shewouldlethimsuckherblood，eatherbreasts——whichwerethemostlovelyintheworld——andcuthertresses，ofwhichshehadonlygivenasingleonetotheEmperoroftheRomans，whokeptitinhisbreast，likeapreciousrelic；finally，sheconfessedthatonthatnightonlyhadlifebegunforher，becausetheembraceofVilliersdel'IleAdamsentthebloodtoherinthreeboundsandinabraceofshakes。
　　Theseexpressionsbecomingknown，madeeveryoneverymiserable。
　　Directlyshewentout，ImperiatoldtheladiesofRomethatsheshoulddieitifsheweredesertedbythisgentleman，andwouldcauseherself，likeQueenCleopatra，tobebittenbyanasp。Shedeclaredopenlythatshehadbiddenaneternaladieuhertoherformergaylife，andwouldshowthewholeworldwhatvirtuewasbyabandoningherempireforthisVilliersdel'IleAdam，whoseservantshewouldratherbethanreignofChristendom。TheEnglishcardinalremonstratedwiththepopethatthisloveforone，intheheartofawomanwhowasthejoyofall，wasaninfamousdepravity，andthatheoughtwithabrief/inpartibus/，toannulthismarriage，whichrobbedthefashionableworldofitsprincipalattraction。Buttheloveofthispoorwoman，whohadconfessedthemiseriesofherlife，wassosweetathing，andsomovedthemostdissipatedheart，thatshesilencedallclamour，andeveryoneforgaveherherhappiness。Oneday，duringLent，Imperiamadeherpeoplefast，andorderedthemtogoandconfess，andreturntoGod。Sheherselfwentandfellatthepope'sfeet，andthereshowedsuchpenitence，thatsheobtainedfromhimremissionofallhersins，believingthattheabsolutionofthepopewouldcommunicatetohersoulthatvirginitywhichshewasgrievedatbeingunabletoofferherlover。Itisimpossibletohelpthinkingthattherewassomevirtueintheecclesiasticalpiscina，forthepoorcadetwassosmotheredwithlovethathefanciedhimselfinParadise，andleftthenegotiationsoftheKingofFrance，lefthisloveforMademoiselledeMontmorency——infact，lefteverythingtomarryMadameImperia，inorderthathemightliveanddiewithher。Suchwastheeffectofthelearnedwaysofthisgreatladyofpleasuredirectlysheturnedhersciencetotherootofavirtuouslove。Imperiabadeadieutoheradmirersataroyalfeast，giveninhonourofherwedding，whichwasawonderfulceremony，atwhichalltheItalianprinceswerepresent。Shehad，itissaid，amilliongoldcrowns；inspiteofthevastnessofthissum，everyonefarfromblamingL'IleAdam，paidhimmanycompliments，becauseitwasevidentthatneitherMadameImperianorheryounghusbandthoughtofanythingbutone。Thepopeblessedtheirmarriage，andsaidthatitwasafinethingtoseethefoolishvirginreturningtoGodbytheroadofmarriage。
　　ButduringthatlastnightinwhichitwouldbepermissibleforalltobeholdtheQueenofBeauty，whowasabouttobecomeasimplechatelaineofthekingdomofFrance，therewereagreatnumberofmenwhomournedforthemerrynights，thesuppers，themaskedballs，thejoyousgames，andthemeltinghours，wheneachoneemptiedhishearttoher。Everyoneregrettedtheeaseandfreedomwhichhadalwaysbeenfoundintheresidenceofthislovelycreature，whonowappearedmoretemptingthanshehadeverdoneinherlife，forthefervidheatofhergreatlovemadeherglistenlikeasummersun。Muchdidtheylamentthefactthatshehadhadthesadfantasytobecomearespectablewoman。TotheseMadamedel'IleAdamansweredjestingly，thataftertwenty-fouryearspassedintheserviceofthepublic，shehadarighttoretire。Otherssaidtoher，thathoweverdistantthesunwas，peoplecouldwarmthemselvesinit，whileshewouldshowherselfnomore。Tothesesherepliedthatshewouldstillhavesmilestobestowuponthoselordswhowouldcomeandseehowsheplayedtheroleofavirtuouswoman。TothistheEnglishenvoyanswered，hebelievedhercapableofpushingvirtuetoitsextremepoint。Shegaveapresenttoeachofherfriends，andlargesumstothepoorandsufferingofRome；besidesthis，shelefttotheconventwhereherdaughterwastohavebeen，andtothechurchshehadbuilt，thewealthshehadinheritedfromTheodora，whichcamefromthecardinalofRagusa。
　　Whenthetwospousessetouttheywereaccompaniedalongwaybyknightsinmourning，andevenbythecommonpeople，whowishedthemeveryhappiness，becauseMadameImperiahadbeenhardontherichonly，andhadalwaysbeenkindandgentlewiththepoor。ThislovelyqueenoflovewashailedwithacclamationsthroughoutthejourneyinallthetownsofItalywherethereportofherconversionhadspread，andwhereeveryonewascurioustoseepass，acasesorareastwosuchspouses。Severalprincesreceivedthishandsomecoupleattheircourts，sayingitwasbutrighttoshowhonourtothiswomanwhohadthecouragetorenounceherempireovertheworldoffashion，tobecomeavirtuouswoman。Buttherewasanevil-mindedfellow，onemylordDukeofFerrara，whosaidtol'IleAdamthathisgreatfortunehadnotcosthimmuch。AtthisfirstoffenceMadameImperiashowedwhatagoodheartshehad，forshegaveupallthemoneyshehadreceivedfromherlovers，toornamentthedomeofSt。MariadelFiore，inthetownofFlorence，whichturnedthelaughagainsttheSired'Este，whoboastedthathehadbuiltachurchinspiteoftheemptyconditionofhispurse。Youmaybesurehewasreprimandedforthisjokebyhisbrotherthecardinal。
　　ThefairImperiaonlykeptherownwealthandthatwhichtheEmperorhadbestoweduponheroutofpurefriendshipsincehisdeparture，theamountofwhichwashowever，considerable。Thecadetofl'IleAdamhadaduelwiththeduke，inwhichhewoundedhim。ThusneitherMadamedel'IleAdam，norherhusbandcouldbeinanywayreproached。Thispieceofchivalrycausedhertobegloriouslyreceivedinallplacesshepassedthrough，especiallyinPiedmont，wherethefetesweresplendid。
　　Verseswhichthepoetthencomposed，suchassonnets，epithalamias，andodes，havebeengivenincertaincollections；butallpoetrywasweakincomparisonwithher，whowas，accordingtoanexpressionofMonsieurBoccaccio，poetryherself。
　　TheprizeinthistourneyoffetesandgallantrymustbeawardedtothegoodEmperoroftheRomans，who，knowingofthemisbehaviouroftheDukeofFerrara，dispatchedanenvoytohisoldflame，chargedwithLatinmanuscripts，inwhichhetoldherthathelovedhersomuchforherself，thathewasdelightedtoknowthatshewashappy，butgrievedtoknowthatallherhappinesswasnotderivedfromhim；thathehadlosthisrighttomakeherpresents，butthat，ifthekingofFrancereceivedhercoldly，hewouldthinkitanhonourtoacquireaVillierstotheholyempire，andwouldgivehimsuchprincipalitiesashemightchoosefromhisdomains。ThefairImperiarepliedthatshewasextremelyobligedtotheEmperor，butthathadshetosuffercontumelyuponcontumelyinFrance，shestillintendedtheretofinishherdays。
　　II
　　HOWTHISMARRIAGEENDED
　　Notknowingifitshewouldbereceivedornot，theladyofl'IleAdamwouldnotgotocourt，butlivedinthecountry，whereherhusbandmadeafineestablishment，purchasingthemanorofBeaumont-le-
　　Vicomte，whichgaverisetotheequivoqueuponhisname，madebyourwell-belovedRabelais，inhismostmagnificentbook。HeacquiredalsothedomainofNointel，theforestofCarenelle，St。Martin，andotherplacesintheneighbourhoodofthel'IleAdam，wherehisbrotherVilliersresided。Thesesaidacquisitionsmadehimthemostpowerfullordinthel'IledeFranceandcountyofParis。HebuiltawonderfulcastlenearBeaumont，whichwasafterwardsruinedbytheEnglish，andadorneditwiththefurniture，foreigntapestries，chests，pictures，statues，andcuriosities，ofhiswife，whowasagreatconnoisseur，whichmadethisplaceequaltothemostmagnificentcastlesknown。
　　Thehappypairledalifesoenviedbyall，thatnothingwastalkedaboutinParisandatCourtbutthismarriage，thegoodfortuneoftheSiredeBeaumont，and，aboveall，oftheperfect，loyal，gracious，andreligiouslifeofhiswife，whofromhabitmanystillcalledMadameImperia；whowasnolongerproudandsharpassteel，buthadthevirtuesandqualitiesofarespectablewoman，andwasanexampleinmanythingstoaqueen。ShewasmuchbelovedbytheChurchonaccountofhergreatreligion，forshehadneveronceforgottenGod，having，assheoncesaid，spentmuchofhertimewithchurchmen，abbots，bishops，andcardinals，whohadsprinkledherwellwithholywater，andunderthecurtainsworkedhereternalsalvation。
　　Thepraisessunginhonourofthisladyhadsuchaneffect，thatthekingcametoBeauvoisistogazeuponthiswonder，anddidthesirethehonourtosleepatBeaumont，remainedtherethreedays，andhadaroyalhunttherewiththequeenandthewholeCourt。Youmaybesurethathewassurprised，aswerealsothequeen，theladies，andtheCourt，atthemannersofthissuperbcreature，whowasproclaimedaladyofcourtesyandbeauty。Thekingfirst，thenthequeen，andafterwardseveryindividualmemberofthecompany，complementedl'IleAdamonhavingchosensuchawife。Themodestyofthechatelainedidmorethanpridewouldhaveaccomplished；forshewasinvitedtocourt，andeverywhere，soimperiouswashergreatheart，sotyrannicherviolentloveforherhusband。Youmaybesurethathercharms，hiddenunderthegarmentsofvirtue，werenonethelessexquisite。ThekinggavethevacantpostoflieutenantoftheIledeFranceandprovostofParistohisancientambassador，givinghimthetitleofViscountofBeaumont，whichestablishedhimasgovernorofthewholeprovince，andputhimonanexcellentfootingatcourt。ButthiswasthecauseofagreatwoundinMadame'sheart，becauseawretch，jealousofthisuncloudedhappiness，askedher，playfully，ifBeaumonthadeverspokentoherofhisfirstlove，MademoiselledeMontmorency，whoatthattimewastwenty-twoyearsofage，asshewassixteenatthetimethemarriagetookplaceinRome——thewhichyoungladylovedl'IleAdamsomuchthatsheremainedamaiden，wouldlistentonoproposalsofmarriage，andwasdyingofabrokenheart，unabletobanishherperfidiousloverfromherremembranceandwasdesirousofenteringtheconventofChelles。MadameImperia，duringthesixyearsofhermarriage，hadneverheardthisname，andwassurefromthisfactthatshewasindeedbeloved。Youcanimaginethatthistimehadbeenpassedasasingleday，thatbothbelievedthattheyhadonlybeenmarriedtheeveningbefore，andthateachnightwasasaweddingnight，andthatifbusinesstooktheknightoutofdoors，hewasquitemelancholy，beingunwillingevertohaveheroutofhissight，andshewasthesamewithhim。
　　Theking，whowasverypartialtotheviscount，alsomadearemarktohimwhichstunghimtothequick，whenhesaid，“Youhavenochildren？”
　　TowhichBeaumontreplied，withthefaceofamanwhoserawplaceyouhavetouchedwithyourfinger，“Monsiegneur，mybrotherhas；thusourlineissafe。“
　　Nowithappenedthathisbrother'stwochildrendiedsuddenly——onefromafallfromhishorseatatournamentandtheotherfromillness。
　　Monsieurl'IleAdamtheelderwassostrickenwithgriefatthesetwodeathsthatheexpiredsoonafter，somuchdidhelovehistwosons。
　　BythismeansthemanorofBeaumont，thepropertyatCarenelle，St。
　　Martin，Nointel，andthesurroundingdomains，werereunitedtothemanorofl'IleAdam，andtheneighbouringforests，andthecadetbecametheheadofthehouse。AtthistimeMadamewasforty-five，andwasstillfittobearchildren；butalas！sheconceivednot。Assoonasshesawthelineageofl'IleAdamdestroyed，shewasanxioustoobtainoffspring。
　　Now，asduringthesevenyearswhichhadelapsedshehadneveroncehadtheslightesthintofpregnancy，shebelieved，accordingtothestatementofacleverphysicianwhomshesentforfromParis，thatthisbarrennessproceededfromthefact，thatbothsheandherhusband，alwaysmoreloversthanspouses，allowedpleasuretointerferewithbusiness，andbythismeansengenderingwasprevented。
　　Thensheendeavouredtorestrainherimpetuosity，andtotakethingscoolly，becausethephysicianhadexplainedtoherthatinastateofnatureanimalsneverfailedtobreed，becausethefemalesemployednoneofthoseartifices，tricks，andhanky-pankieswithwhichwomenaccommodatetheolivesofPoissy，andforthisreasontheythoroughlydeservedthetitleofbeasts。Shepromisedhimnolongertoplaywithsuchaseriousaffair，andtoforgetalltheingeniousdevicesinwhichshehadbeensofertile。But，alas！althoughshekeptasquietasthatGermanwomanwholaysostillthatherhusbandembracedhertodeath，andthenwent，poorbaron，toobtainabsolutionfromthepope，whodeliveredhiscelebratedbrief，inwhichherequestedtheladiesofFranconiatobealittlemorelively，andpreventarepetitionofsuchacrime。Madamedel'IleAdamdidnotconceive，andfellintoastateofgreatmelancholy。
　　Thenshebegantonoticehowthoughtfulhadbecomeherhusband，l'IleAdam，whomshewatchedwhenhethoughtshewasnotlooking，andwhoweptthathehadnofruitofhisgreatlove。Soonthispairmingledtheirtears，foreverythingwascommontothetwointhisfinehousehold，andastheyneverlefttheother，thethoughtoftheonewasnecessarilythethoughtoftheother。WhenMadamebeheldapoorperson'schildshenearlydiedofgrief，andittookherawholedaytorecover。Seeingthisgreatsorrow，l'IleAdamorderedallchildrentobekeptoutofhiswife'ssight，andsaidsoothingthingstoher，suchasthatchildrenoftenturnedoutbadly；towhichshereplied，thatachildmadebythosewholovedsopassionatelywouldbethefinestchildintheworld。Hetoldherthathersonsmightperish，likethoseofhispoorbrother；towhichshereplied，thatshewouldnotletthemstirfurtherfromherpetticoatsthanahenallowsherchickens。Infact，shehadananswerforeverything。
　　Madamecausedawomantobesentforwhodealtinmagic，andwhowassupposedtobelearnedinthesemysteries，whotoldherthatshehadoftenseenwomenunabletoconceiveinspiteofeveryeffort，butyettheyhadsucceededbystudyingthemannersandcustomsofanimals。
　　Madametookthebeastsofthefieldsforherpreceptors，butshedidnotincreaseinsize；herfleshstillremainedfirmandwhiteasmarble。ShereturnedtothephysicalscienceofthemasterdoctorsofParis，andsentforacelebratedArabianphysician，whohadjustarrivedinFrancewithanewscience。Thenthissavant，broughtupintheschoolofoneSieurAverroes，enteredintocertainmedicaldetails，anddeclaredthatthelooselifeshehadformerlyledhadforeverruinedherchanceofobtainingoffspring。Thephysicalreasonswhichheassignedweresocontrarytotheteachingoftheholybookswhichestablishthemajestyofman，madeintheimageofhiscreator，andsocontrarytothesystemupheldbysoundsenseandgooddoctrine，thatthedoctorsofParislaughedthemtoscorn。TheArabianphysicianlefttheschoolwherehismaster，theSieurAverroes，wasunknown。
　　ThedoctorstoldMadame，whohadcometoParis，thatshewastokeeponasusual，sinceshehadhadduringhergaylifethelovelyTheodora，bythecardinalofRagusa，andthattherightofhavingchildrenremainedwithwomenaslongastheirbloodcirculated，andallthatshehadtodowastomultiplythechancesofconception。Thisadviceappearedtohersogoodthatshemultipliedhervictories，butitwasonlymultiplyingherdefeats，sincesheobtainedtheflowersoflovewithoutitsfruits。
　　Thepoorafflictedwomanwrotethentothepope，wholovedhermuch，andtoldhimofhersorrows。Thegoodpoperepliedtoherwithagracioushomily，writtenwithhisownhand，inwhichhetoldherthatwhenhumanscienceandthingsterrestrialhadfailed，weshouldturntoHeavenandimplorethegraceofGod。Thenshedeterminedtogowithnakedfeet，accompaniedbyherhusband，toNotreDamedeLiesse，celebratedforherinterventioninsimilarcases，andmadeavowtobuildamagnificentcathedralingratitudeforthechild。Butshebruisedandinjuredherprettyfeet，andconceivednothingbutaviolentgrief，whichwassogreatthatsomeofherlovelytressesfelloffandsometurnedwhite。
　　Atlastthefacultyofmakingchildrenwastakenfromher，whichbroughtonthevapoursconsequentuponhypochondria，andcausedherskintoturnyellow。Shewasthenforty-nineyearsofage，andlivedinhercastleofl'IleAdam，whereshegrewasthinasaleperinalazar-house。Thepoorcreaturewasallthemorewretchedbecausel'IleAdamwasstillamorous，andasgoodasgoldtoher，whofailedinherduty，becauseshehadformerlybeentoofreewiththemen，andwasnow，accordingtoherowndisdainfulremark，onlyacauldrontocookchitterlings。
　　“Ha！”saidshe，oneeveningwhenthesethoughtsweretormentingher。
　　“InspiteoftheChurch，inspiteoftheking，inspiteofeverything，Madamedel'IleAdamisstillthewickedImperia！”
　　Shefellintoaviolentpassionwhenshesawthishandsomegentlemanhaveeverythingamancandesire，greatwealth，royalfavour，unequalledlove，matchlesswife，pleasuresuchasnoneothercouldproduce，andyetfailinthatwhichisdearesttotheheadofthehouse——namely，lineage。Withthisideainherhead，shewishedtodie，thinkinghowgoodandnoblehehadbeentoher，andhowmuchshefailedinherdutyinnotgivinghimchildren，andinbeinghenceforwardunabletodoso。Shehidhersorrowinthesecretrecessesofherheart，andconceivedadevotionworthyhergreatlove。
　　Toputintopracticethisheroicdesignshebecamestillmoreamorous，tookextremecareofhercharms，andmadeuseoflearnedpreceptstomaintainherbodilyperfection，whichthrewoutanincrediblelustre。
　　AboutthistimetheSieurdeMontmorencyconqueredtherepulsionhisdaughterentertainedformarriage，andheralliancewithoneSieurdeChatillonwasmuchtalkedabout。MadameImperia，wholivedonlythreeleaguesdistantfromMontmorency，onedaysentherhusbandouthuntingintheforests，andsetouttowardsthecastlewheretheyoungladylived。Arrivedinthegroundsshewalkedaboutthere，tellingaservanttoinformhermistressthataladyhadamostimportantcommunicationtomaketoher，andthatshehadcometorequestanaudience。Muchinterestedbytheaccountwhichshereceivedbythebeauty，courtesy，andmannersoftheunknownlady，MademoiselledeMontmorencywentingreathasteintothegardens，andtheremetherrival，whomshedidnotknow。
　　“Mydear，“saidthepoorwoman，weepingtofindtheyoungmaidenasbeautifulasherself，“IknowthattheyaretryingtoforceyouintoamarriagewithMonsieurdeChatillon，althoughyoustillloveMonsieurdel'IleAdam。HaveconfidenceintheprophecythatIheremakeyou，thathewhomyouhaveloved，andwhoonlywasfalsetoyouthroughasnareintowhichanangelmighthavefallen，willbefreefromtheburdenofhisoldwifebeforetheleavesfall。Thustheconstancyofyourlovewillhaveitscrownofflowers。Nowhavethecouragetorefusethismarriagetheyarearrangingforyou，andyoumayyetclaspyourfirstandonlylove。Pledgemeyourwordtoloveandcherishl'IleAdam，whoisthekindestofmen；nevertocausehimamoment'sanguish，andtellhimtorevealtoyouallthesecretsofloveinventedbyMadameImperia，because，inpracticingthem，beingyoung，youwillbeeasilyabletoobliteratetheremembranceofherfromhismind。“
　　MademoiselledeMontmorencywassoastonishedthatshecouldmakenoanswer，andletthisqueenofbeautydepart，andbelievedhertobeafairy，untilaworkmantoldherthatthefairywasMadamedel'IleAdam。Althoughtheadventurewasinexplicable，shetoldherfatherthatshewouldnotgiveherconsenttotheproposedmarriageuntilaftertheautumn，somuchisitinthenatureofLovetoallyitselfwithHope，inspiteofthebitterpillswhichthisdeceitfulandgracious，companiongiveshertoswallowlikebull'seyes。Duringthemonthswhenthegrapesaregathered，Imperiawouldnotletl'IleAdamleaveher，andwassoamorousthatonewouldhaveimaginedshewishedtokillhim，sincel'IleAdamfeltasthoughhehadafreshbrideinhisarmseverynight。Thenextmorningthegoodwomanrequestedhimtokeeptheremembranceofthesejoysinhisheart。
　　Then，toknowwhatherlover'srealthoughtsonthesubjectwereshesaidtohim，“Poorl'IleAdam，wewereverysillytomarry——aladlikeyou，withyourtwenty-threeyears，andanoldwomancloseto40。“
　　Heansweredher，thathishappinesswassuchthathewastheenvyofeveryone，thatatherageherequaldidnotexistamongtheyoungerwomen，andthatifevershegrewoldhewouldloveherwrinkles，believingthateveninthetombshewouldbelovely，andherskeletonlovable。
　　Totheseanswers，whichbroughtthetearsintohereyes，sheonemorningansweredmaliciously，thatMademoiselledeMontmorencywasverylovelyandveryfaithful。Thisspeechforcedl'IleAdamtotellherthatshepainedhimbytellinghimoftheonlywronghehadevercommittedinhislife——thebreakingofthetrothpledgedtohisfirstsweetheart，allloveforwhomhehadsinceeffacedfromhisheart。
　　Thiscandidspeechmadeherseizehimandclasphimtoherheart，affectedattheloyaltyofhisdiscourseonasubjectfromwhichmanywouldhaveshrunk。
　　“Mydearlove，“saidshe，“foralongtimepastIhavebeensufferingfromaretractionoftheheart，whichhasalwayssincemyyouthbeendangeroustomylife，andinthisopiniontheArabianphysiciancoincides。IfIdie，Iwishyoutomakethemostbindingoathaknightcanmake，towedMademoiselleMontmorency。Iamsocertainofdying，thatIleavemypropertytoyouonlyonconditionthatthismarriagetakesplace。“
　　Hearingthis，l'IleAdamturnedpale，andfeltfaintatthemerethoughtofaneternalseparationfromhisgoodwife。
　　“Yes，deartreasureoflove，“continuedshe。“IampunishedbyGodtherewheremysinswerecommitted，forthegreatjoysthatIfeeldilatemyheart，andhave，accordingtotheArabiandoctor，weakenedthevesselswhichinamomentofexcitementwillburst；butIhavealwaysimploredGodtotakemylifeattheageinwhichInowam，becauseIwouldnotseemycharmsmarredbytheravagesoftime。“
　　Thisgreatandnoblewomansawthenhowwellshewasbeloved。Thisishowsheobtainedthegreatestsacrificeoflovethateverwasmadeuponthisearth。Shealoneknewwhatacharmexistedintheembraces，fondlings，andrapturesoftheconjugalbed，whichweresuchthatpoorl'IleAdamwouldratherhavediedthanallowhimselftobedeprivedoftheamorousdelicaciessheknewsowellhowtoprepare。Atthisconfessionmadebyherthat，intheexcitementofloveherheartwouldburst，thechevaliercasthimselfatherknees，anddeclaredthattopreserveherlifehewouldneveraskherforlove，butwouldlivecontentedtoseeheronlyathisside，happyatbeingabletotouchbutthehemofhergarment。
　　Shereplied，burstingintotears，“thatshewouldratherdiethanloseoneiotaofhislove；thatshewoulddieasshehadlived，sinceluckilyshecouldmakeamanembraceherwhensuchwasherdesirewithouthavingtoputherrequestintowords。“
　　HereitmustbestatedthatthecardinalofRagusahadgivenherasapresentanarticle，whichthisholyjokercalled/inarticulomortis/。
　　Itwasatinyglassbottle，nobiggerthanabean，madeatVenice，andcontainingapoisonsosubtlethatbybreakingitbetweentheteethdeathcameinstantlyandpainlessly。HehadreceiveditfromSignoraTophana，thecelebratedmakerofpoisonsofthetownofRome。
　　Nowthistinybottlewasunderthebezelofaring，preservedfromallobjectsthatcouldbreakitbycertainplatesofgold。PoorImperiaputitintohermouthseveraltimeswithoutbeingabletomakeuphermindtobiteit，somuchpleasuredidshetakeinthemomentthatshebelievedtobeherlast。Thenshewouldpassbeforeherinmentalreviewallhermethodsofenjoymentbeforebreakingtheglass，anddeterminedthatwhenshefeltthemostperfectofalljoysshewouldbitethebottle。
　　ThepoorcreaturedepartedthislifeonthenightonthefirstdayofOctober。Thenwasthereheardagreatclamourintheforestsandintheclouds，asiftheloveshadcriedaloud，“ThegreatNocisdead！”
　　inimitationofthepagangodswho，atthecomingoftheSaviourofmen，fledintotheskies，saying，“thegreatPanisslain！”AcrywhichwasheardbysomepersonsnavigatingtheEubeanSea，andpreservedbyaFatheroftheChurch。
　　MadameImperiadiedwithoutbeingspoiledinshape，somuchhadGodmadehertheirreproachablemodelofawoman。Shehad，itwassaid，amagnificenttintuponherflesh，causedbytheproximityoftheflamingwingsofPleasure，whocriedandgroanedoverhercorpse。Herhusbandmournedforhermostbitterly，neversuspectingthatshehaddiedtodeliverhimfromachildlesswife，forthedoctorwhoembalmedhersaidnotawordconcerningthecauseofherdeath。Thisgreatsacrificewasdiscoveredsixyearsaftermarriageofl'IleAdamwithMademoiselledeMontmorency，becauseshetoldhimallaboutthevisitofMadameImperia。Thepoorgentlemanimmediatelyfellintoastateofgreatmelancholyandfinishedbydying，beingunabletobanishtheremembranceofthosejoysoflovewhichitwasbeyondthepowerofanovicetorestoretohim；therebydidheprovethetruthofthatwhichwassaidatthattime，thatthiswomanwouldneverdieinaheartwhereshehadoncereigned。
　　Thisteachesusthatvirtueiswellunderstoodbythosewhohavepractisedvice；foramongthemostmodestwomenfewwouldthushavesacrificedlife，inwhateverhighstateofreligionyoulookforthem。
　　EPILOGUE
　　Oh！madlittleone，thouwhosebusinessitistomakethehousemerry，againhastthoubeenwallowing，inspiteofathousandprohibitions，inthatsloughofmelancholy，whencethouhastalreadyfishedoutBertha，andcomebackwiththytressesdishevelled，likeagirlwhohasbeenill-treatedbyaregimentofsoldiers！Wherearethygoldenaigletsandbells，thyfiligreeflowersoffantasticdesign？Wherehastthouleftthycrimsonhead-dress，ornamentedwithpreciousgewgawsthatcostaminotofpearls？
　　Whyspoilwithpernicioustearsthyblackeyes，sopleasantwhenthereinsparklesthewitofatale，thatpopespardontheethysayingsforthesakeofthymerrylaughter，feeltheirsoulscaughtbetweentheivoryofthyteeth，havetheirheartsdrawnbytherosepointofthysweettongue，andwouldbartertheholyslipperforahundredofthesmilesthathoverroundthyvermillionlips？Laughinglassie，ifthouwouldstremainalwaysfreshandyoung，weepnomore；thinkofridingthebridelessfleas，ofbridlingwiththegoldencloudsthychameleonchimeras，ofmetamorphosingtherealitiesoflifeintofiguresclothedwiththerainbow，caparisonedwithroseatedreams，andmantledwithwingsblueastheeyesofthepartridge。BytheBodyandtheBlood，bytheCenserandtheSeal，bytheBookandtheSword，bytheRagandtheGold，bytheSoundandtheColour，ifthoudoesbutreturnonceintothathovelofelegieswhereeunuchsfinduglywomenforimbecilesultans，I'llcursethee；I'llraveatthee；I'llmaketheefastfromrogueryandlove；I'll——
　　Phist！Heresheisastrideasunbeamwithavolumethatisreadytoburstwithmerrymeteors！Sheplaysintheirprisms，tearingaboutsomadly，sowildly，soboldly，socontrarytogoodsense，socontrarytogoodmanners，socontrarytoeverything，thatonehastotouchherwithlongfeathers，tofollowhersiren'stailinthegoldenfacetswhichtrifleamongtheartificesofthesenewpearlsoflaughter。Yegods！butsheissportingherselfinthemlikeahundredschoolboysinahedgefullofblackberries，aftervespers。Tothedevilwiththemagister！Thevolumeisfinished！Outuponwork！Whatho！myjovialfriends；thisway！
　　End