ROUNDABOUTPAPERS
　　OnaLazyIdleBoyOnTwoChildreninBlackOnRibbonsOnsomelateGreatVictoriesThornsintheCushionOnScreensinDining-RoomsTunbridgeToysDeJuventuteOnaJokeIonceheardfromthelateThomasHoodRoundabouttheChristmasTreeOnaChalk-MarkontheDoorOnbeingFoundOutOnaHundredYearsHenceSmall-BeerChronicleOgresOnTwoRoundaboutPaperswhichIintendedtoWriteAMississippiBubbleOnLetts'sDiaryNotesofaWeek'sHolidayNilNisiBonumOnHalfaLoaf——ALettertoMessrs。Broadway，BatteryandCo。，ofNewYork，BankersTheNotchontheAxe——AStoryalaMode。
　　PartI
　　PartII
　　PartIII
　　DeFinibusOnaPealofBellsOnaPear-TreeDessein'sOnsomeCarpatSansSouciAutourdemonChapeauOnAlexandrines——ALettertosomeCountryCousinsOnaMedalofGeorgetheFourth“Strangetosay，onClubPaper“
　　TheLastSketchROUNDABOUTPAPERS。
　　ONALAZYIDLEBOY。
　　IhadoccasiontopassaweekintheautumninthelittleoldtownofCoireorChur，intheGrisons，whereliesburiedthatveryancientBritishking，saint，andmartyr，Lucius，*whofoundedtheChurchofSt。Peter，onCornhill。Fewpeoplenotethechurchnow-a-
　　days，andfewereverheardofthesaint。InthecathedralatChur，hisstatueappearssurroundedbyothersaintedpersonsofhisfamily。Withtightredbreeches，aRomanhabit，acurlybrownbeard，andaneatlittlegiltcrownandsceptre，hestands，averycomelyandcheerfulimage:and，fromwhatImaycallhispeculiarpositionwithregardtoCornhill，IbeheldthisfigureofSt。LuciuswithmoreinterestthanIshouldhavebestoweduponpersonageswho，hierarchically，are，Idaresay，hissuperiors。
　　*Stowquotestheinscription，stillextant，fromthetablefastchainedinSt。Peter'sChurch，Cornhill；andsays，“hewasaftersomechronicleburiedatLondon，andaftersomechronicleburiedatGlowcester“——but，oh！theseincorrectchroniclers！whenAlbanButler，inthe“LivesoftheSaints，“v。xii。，andMurray's“Handbook，“andtheSacristanatChur，allsayLuciuswaskilledthere，andIsawhistombwithmyowneyes！
　　Theprettylittlecitystands，sotospeak，attheendoftheworld——oftheworldofto-day，theworldofrapidmotion，andrushingrailways，andthecommerceandintercourseofmen。Fromthenortherngate，theironroadstretchesawaytoZurich，toBasle，toParis，tohome。Fromtheoldsouthernbarriers，beforewhichalittleriverrushes，andaroundwhichstretchthecrumblingbattlementsoftheancienttown，theroadbearstheslowdiligenceorlaggingvetturinobytheshallowRhine，throughtheawfulgorgesoftheViaMala，andpresentlyovertheSplugentotheshoresofComo。
　　Ihaveseldomseenaplacemorequaint，pretty，calm，andpastoral，thanthisremotelittleChur。Whatneedhavetheinhabitantsforwallsandramparts，excepttobuildsummer-houses，totrailvines，andhangclothestodryonthem?Noenemiesapproachthegreatmoulderinggates:onlyatmornandeventhecowscomelowingpastthem，thevillagemaidenschattermerrilyroundthefountains，andbabbleliketheever-volublestreamthatflowsundertheoldwalls。
　　Theschoolboys，withbookandsatchel，insmartuniforms，marchuptothegymnasium，andreturnthenceattheirstatedtime。Thereisonecoffee-houseinthetown，andIseeoneoldgentlemangoestoit。Thereareshopswithnocustomersseemingly，andthelazytradesmenlookoutoftheirlittlewindowsatthesinglestrangersaunteringby。Thereisastallwithbasketsofqueerlittleblackgrapesandapples，andaprettybrisktradewithhalfadozenurchinsstandinground。But，beyondthis，thereisscarceanytalkormovementinthestreet。There'snobodyatthebook-shop。“Ifyouwillhavethegoodnesstocomeagaininanhour，“saysthebanker，withhismouthfulofdinneratoneo'clock，“youcanhavethemoney。”Thereisnobodyatthehotel，savethegoodlandlady，thekindwaiters，thebriskyoungcookwhoministerstoyou。NobodyisintheProtestantchurch——oh！strangesight，thetwoconfessionsarehereatpeace！——nobodyintheCatholicchurch:untilthesacristan，fromhissnugabodeinthecathedralclose，espiesthetravellereyingthemonstersandpillarsbeforetheoldshark-
　　toothedarchofhiscathedral，andcomesoutwithaviewtoremunerationpossiblyandopensthegate，andshowsyouthevenerablechurch，andthequeeroldrelicsinthesacristy，andtheancientvestmentsablackvelvetcope，amongstotherrobes，asfreshasyesterday，andpresentedbythatnotorious“pervert，“HenryofNavarreandFrance，andthestatueofSt。LuciuswhobuiltSt。
　　Peter'sChurch，onCornhill。
　　Whataquiet，kind，quaint，pleasant，prettyoldtown！Hasitbeenasleepthesehundredsandhundredsofyears，andisthebriskyoungPrinceoftheSiderealRealmsinhisscreamingcardrawnbyhissnortingsteelelephantcomingtowakenit?Timewaswhentheremusthavebeenlifeandbustleandcommercehere。Thosevast，venerablewallswerenotmadetokeepoutcows，butmen-at-arms，ledbyfiercecaptains，whoprowledaboutthegates，androbbedthetradersastheypassedinandoutwiththeirbales，theirgoods，theirpack-horses，andtheirwains。Istheplacesodeadthateventheclergyofthedifferentdenominationscan'tquarrel?Why，sevenoreight，oradozen，orfifteenhundredyearsagotheyhaven'ttheregisteratSt。Peter'suptothatremoteperiod。IdaresayitwasburntinthefireofLondon——adozenhundredyearsago，whentherewassomelifeinthetown，St。Luciuswasstonedhereonaccountoftheologicaldifferences，afterfoundingourchurchinCornhill。
　　Therewasasweetprettyriverwalkweusedtotakeintheeveningandmarkthemountainsroundgloomingwithadeeperpurple；theshadescreepingupthegoldenwalls；theriverbrawling，thecattlecalling，themaidsandchatter-boxesroundthefountainsbabblingandbawling；andseveraltimesinthecourseofoursoberwalksweovertookalazyslouchingboy，orhobble-dehoy，witharustycoat，andtrousersnottoolong，andbigfeettrailinglazilyoneaftertheother，andlargelazyhandsdawdlingfromoutthetightsleeves，andinthelazyhandsalittlebook，whichmyladhelduptohisface，andwhichIdaresaysocharmedandravishedhim，thathewasblindtothebeautifulsightsaroundhim；unmindful，Iwouldventuretolayanywager，ofthelessonshehadtolearnforto-morrow；
　　forgetfulofmother，waitingsupper，andfatherpreparingascolding；——absorbedutterlyandentirelyinhisbook。
　　Whatwasitthatsofascinatedtheyoungstudent，ashestoodbytherivershore?NotthePonsAsinorum。Whatbooksodelightedhim，andblindedhimtoalltherestoftheworld，sothathedidnotcaretoseetheapple-womanwithherfruit，ormoretemptingstilltosonsofEvetheprettygirlswiththeirapplecheeks，wholaughedandprattledroundthefountain！Whatwasthebook?DoyousupposeitwasLivy，ortheGreekgrammar?No；itwasaNOVELthatyouwerereading，youlazy，notveryclean，good-for-nothing，sensibleboy！ItwasD'ArtagnanlockingupGeneralMonkinabox，oralmostsucceedinginkeepingCharlestheFirst'sheadon。ItwastheprisoneroftheChateaud'IfcuttinghimselfoutofthesackfiftyfeetunderwaterImentionthenovelsIlikebestmyself——
　　novelswithoutloveortalking，oranyofthatsortofnonsense，butcontainingplentyoffighting，escaping，robbery，andrescuing——
　　cuttinghimselfoutofthesack，andswimmingtotheislandofMonteCristo。ODumas！Othoubrave，kind，gallantoldAlexandre！I
　　herebyoffertheehomage，andgivetheethanksformanypleasanthours。Ihavereadtheebeingsickinbedforthirteenhoursofahappyday，andhadtheladiesofthehousefightingforthevolumes。
　　BeassuredthatlazyboywasreadingDumasorIwillgosofarastoletthereaderherepronouncetheeulogium，orinsertthenameofhisfavoriteauthor；andasfortheanger，oritmaybe，thereverberationsofhisschoolmaster，ortheremonstrancesofhisfather，orthetenderpleadingsofhismotherthatheshouldnotletthesuppergrowcold——Idon'tbelievethescapegracecaredonefig。
　　No！Figsaresweet，butfictionsaresweeter。
　　Haveyoueverseenascoreofwhite-bearded，white-robedwarriors，orgraveseniorsofthecity，seatedatthegateofJaffaorBeyrout，andlisteningtothestory-tellerrecitinghismarvelsoutof“Antar“orthe“ArabianNights?“Iwasoncepresentwhenayounggentlemanattableputatartawayfromhim，andsaidtohisneighbor，theYoungerSonwithratherafatuousair，“Inevereatsweets。”
　　“Noteatsweets！anddoyouknowwhy?“saysT。
　　“BecauseIampastthatkindofthing，“saystheyounggentleman。
　　“Becauseyouareagluttonandasot！“criestheElderandJuveniswincesalittle。“Allpeoplewhohavenatural，healthyappetites，lovesweets；allchildren，allwomen，allEasternpeople，whosetastesarenotcorruptedbygluttonyandstrongdrink。”Andaplatefulofraspberriesandcreamdisappearedbeforethephilosopher。
　　Youtaketheallegory?Novelsaresweets。Allpeoplewithhealthyliteraryappetiteslovethem——almostallwomen；——avastnumberofclever，hard-headedmen。Why，oneofthemostlearnedphysiciansinEnglandsaidtomeonlyyesterday，“IhavejustreadSo-and-Soforthesecondtime“namingoneofJones'sexquisitefictions。
　　Judges，bishops，chancellors，mathematicians，arenotoriousnovel-
　　readers；aswellasyoungboysandsweetgirls，andtheirkind，tendermothers。WhohasnotreadaboutEldon，andhowhecriedovernovelseverynightwhenhewasnotatwhist?
　　AsforthatlazynaughtyboyatChur，IdoubtwhetherHEwilllikenovelswhenheisthirtyyearsofage。Heistakingtoogreataglutofthemnow。Heiseatingjellyuntilhewillbesick。Hewillknowmostplotsbythetimeheistwenty，sothatHEwillneverbesurprisedwhentheStrangerturnsouttobetherightfulearl，——
　　whentheoldwaterman，throwingoffhisbeggarlygabardine，showshisstarsandthecollarsofhisvariousorders，andclaspingAntoniatohisbosom，proveshimselftobetheprince，herlong-lostfather。Hewillrecognizethenovelist'ssamecharacters，thoughtheyappearinred-heeledpumpsandailes-de-pigeon，orthegarbofthenineteenthcentury。Hewillgetwearyofsweets，asboysofprivateschoolsgroworusedtogrow，forIhavedonegrowingsomelittletimemyself，andthepracticemayhaveendedtoo——asprivateschool-boysusedtogrowtiredofthepuddingbeforetheirmuttonatdinner。
　　Andpraywhatisthemoralofthisapologue?ThemoralItaketobethis:theappetitefornovelsextendingtotheendoftheworld；farawayinthefrozendeep，thesailorsreadingthemtooneanotherduringtheendlessnight；——farawayundertheSyrianstars，thesolemnsheikhsandeldershearkeningtothepoetashereciteshistales；farawayintheIndiancamps，wherethesoldierslistento——'stales，or——'s，afterthehotday'smarch；farawayinlittleChuryonder，wherethelazyboyporesoverthefondvolume，anddrinksitinwithallhiseyes；——thedemandbeingwhatweknowitis，themerchantmustsupplyit，ashewillsupplysaddlesandpalealeforBombayorCalcutta。
　　Butassurelyasthecadetdrinkstoomuchpaleale，itwilldisagreewithhim；andsosurely，dearyouth，willtoomuchnovelscloyonthee。Iwonder，donovel-writersthemselvesreadmanynovels?IfyougointoGunter's，youdon'tseethosecharmingyoungladiestowhomIpresentmymostrespectfulcomplimentseatingtartsandices，butatthepropereventidetheyhavegoodplainwholesometeaandbread-and-butter。Cananybodytellmedoestheauthorofthe“TaleofTwoCities“readnovels?doestheauthorofthe“TowerofLondon“devourromances?doesthedashing“HarryLorrequer“delightin“PlainorRinglets“or“Sponge'sSportingTour?“Doestheveteran，fromwhoseflowingpenwehadthebookswhichdelightedouryoungdays，“Darnley，“and“Richelieu，“and“Delorme，“*relishtheworksofAlexandretheGreat，andthrilloverthe“ThreeMusqueteers?“Doestheaccomplishedauthorofthe“Caxtons“readtheothertalesinBlackwood?Forexample，thatghost-storyprintedlastAugust，andwhichformypart，thoughI
　　readitinthepublicreading-roomatthe“PavilionHotel“atFolkestone，IprotestfrightenedmesothatIscarcedaredlookovermyshoulder。Does“UncleTom“admire“AdamBede；“anddoestheauthorofthe“VicarofWrexhill“laughoverthe“Warden“andthe“TheThreeClerks?“Dearyouthofingenuouscountenanceandingenuouspudor！Imakenodoubtthattheeminentpartiesabovenamedallpartakeofnovelsinmoderation——eatjellies——butmainlynourishthemselvesuponwholesomeroastandboiled。
　　*Bytheway，whatastrangefateisthatwhichbefelltheveterannovelist！HewasappointedherMajesty'sConsul-GeneralinVenice，theonlycityinEuropewherethefamous“TwoCavaliers“cannotbyanypossibilitybeseenridingtogether。
　　Here，dearyouthaforesaid！ourCornhillMagazineownersstrivetoprovidetheewithfactsaswellasfiction；andthoughitdoesnotbecomethemtobragoftheirOrdinary，atleasttheyinvitetheetoatablewherethoushaltsitingoodcompany。Thatstoryofthe“Fox“*waswrittenbyoneofthegallantseamenwhosoughtforpoorFranklinundertheawfulArcticNight:thataccountofChina**istoldbythemanofalltheempiremostlikelytoknowofwhathespeaks:thosepagesregardingVolunteers***comefromanhonoredhandthathasbornetheswordinahundredfamousfields，andpointedtheBritishgunsinthegreatestsiegeintheworld。
　　*“TheSearchforSirJohnFranklin。FromthePrivateJournalofanOfficerofthe'Fox。'“
　　**“TheChineseandtheOuterBarbarians。”BySirJohnBowring。
　　***“OurVolunteers。”BySirJohnBurgoyne。
　　Shallwepointoutothers?Wearefellow-travellers，andshallmakeacquaintanceasthevoyageproceeds。IntheAtlanticsteamers，onthefirstdayoutandonhigh-andholy-dayssubsequently，thejelliessetdownontablearerichlyornamented；medioqueinfonteleporumrisetheAmericanandBritishflagsnoblyemblazonedintin。
　　Asthepassengersremarkthispleasingphenomenon，theCaptainnodoubtimprovestheoccasionbyexpressingahope，tohisrightandleft，thattheflagofMr。BullandhisyoungerBrothermayalwaysfloatsidebysideinfriendlyemulation。Novelshavingbeenpreviouslycomparedtojellies——herearetwooneperhapsnotentirelysaccharine，andflavoredwithanamarialiquidverydistastefultosomepalates——twonovels*undertwoflags，theonethatancientensignwhichhashungbeforethewell-knownboothof“VanityFair；“theotherthatfreshandhandsomestandardwhichhaslatelybeenhoistedon“BarchesterTowers。”Pray，sir，ormadam，towhichdishwillyoubehelped?
　　*“LoveltheWidower“and“FramleyParsonage。”
　　SohaveIseenmyfriendsCaptainLangandCaptainComstockpresstheirgueststopartakeofthefareonthatmemorable“Firstdayout，“whenthereisnoman，Ithink，whositsdownbutasksablessingonhisvoyage，andthegoodshipdipsoverthebar，andboundsawayintothebluewater。
　　ONTWOCHILDRENINBLACK。
　　Montaigneand“Howel'sLetters“aremybedsidebooks。IfIwakeatnight，Ihaveoneorotherofthemtoprattlemetosleepagain。
　　Theytalkaboutthemselvesforever，anddon'twearyme。Iliketohearthemtelltheiroldstoriesoverandoveragain。Ireadtheminthedozyhours，andonlyhalfrememberthem。Iaminformedthatbothofthemtellcoarsestories。Idon'theedthem。Itwasthecustomoftheirtime，asitisofHighlandersandHottentotstodispensewithapartofdresswhichweallwearincities。Butpeoplecan'taffordtobeshockedeitheratCapeTownoratInvernesseverytimetheymeetanindividualwhowearshisnationalairyraiment。Ineverknewthe“ArabianNights“wasanimproperbookuntilIhappenedoncetoreaditina“familyedition。”Well，quis'excuse……Who，pray，hasaccusedmeasyet?HereamI
　　smotheringdeargoodoldMrs。Grundy'sobjections，beforeshehasopenedhermouth。Ilove，Isay，andscarcelyevertireofhearing，theartlessprattleofthosetwodearoldfriends，thePerigourdingentlemanandthepriggishlittleClerkofKingCharles'sCouncil。
　　Theiregotisminnowisedisgustsme。IhopeIshallalwaysliketohearmen，inreason，talkaboutthemselves。Whatsubjectdoesamanknowbetter?IfIstamponafriend'scorn，hisoutcryisgenuine——
　　heconfoundsmyclumsinessintheaccentsoftruth。Heisspeakingabouthimselfandexpressinghisemotionofgrieforpaininamannerperfectlyauthenticandveracious。Ihaveastoryofmyown，ofawrongdonetomebysomebody，asfarbackastheyear1838:
　　wheneverIthinkofitandhavehadacoupleofglassesofwine，I
　　CANNOThelptellingit。Thetoeisstampedupon；thepainisjustaskeenasever:Icryout，andperhapsutterimprecatorylanguage。
　　ItoldthestoryonlylastWednesdayatdinner:——
　　“Mr。Roundabout，“saysaladysittingbyme，“howcomesitthatinyourbooksthereisacertainclassitmaybeofmen，oritmaybeofwomen，butthatisnotthequestioninpoint——howcomesit，dearsir，thereisacertainclassofpersonswhomyoualwaysattackinyourwritings，andsavagelyrushat，goad，poke，tossupintheair，kick，andtrampleon?“
　　Icouldn'thelpmyself。IknewIoughtnottodoit。Itoldherthewholestory，betweentheentreesandtheroast。Thewoundbegantobleedagain。Thehorridpangwasthere，askeenandasfreshasever。IfIlivehalfaslongasTithonus，*thatcrackacrossmyheartcanneverbecured。TherearewrongsandgriefsthatCAN'Tbemended。Itisallverywellofyou，mydearMrs。G。，tosaythatthisspiritisunchristian，andthatweoughttoforgiveandforget，andsoforth。HowcanIforgetatwill?Howforgive?Icanforgivetheoccasionalwaiterwhobrokemybeautifulolddecanteratthatverydinner。Iamnotgoingtodohimanyinjury。Butallthepowersonearthcan'tmakethatclaret-jugwhole。
　　*“Tithonus，“byTennyson，hadappearedintheprecedingthe2nd
　　numberoftheCornhillMagazine。
　　So，yousee，Itoldtheladytheinevitablestory。Iwasegotistical。Iwasselfish，nodoubt；butIwasnatural，andwastellingthetruth。Yousayyouareangrywithamanfortalkingabouthimself。Itisbecauseyouyourselfareselfish，thatthatotherperson'sSelfdoesnotinterestyou。Beinterestedbyotherpeopleandwiththeiraffairs。Letthemprattleandtalktoyou，asIdomydearoldegotistsjustmentioned。Whenyouhavehadenoughofthem，andsuddenhazescomeoveryoureyes，laydownthevolume；
　　popoutthecandle，anddormezbien。Ishouldliketowriteanightcapbook——abookthatyoucanmuseover，thatyoucansmileover，thatyoucanyawnover——abookofwhichyoucansay，“Well，thismanissoandsoandsoandso；buthehasafriendlyheartalthoughsomewiseacreshavepaintedhimasblackasbogey，andyoumaytrustwhathesays。”Ishouldliketotouchyousometimeswithareminiscencethatshallwakenyoursympathy，andmakeyousay，Ioanchehavesothought，felt，smiled，suffered。Now，howisthistobedoneexceptbyegotism?Linearectabrevissima。Thatrightline“I“istheveryshortest，simplest，straightforwardestmeansofcommunicationbetweenus，andstandsforwhatitisworthandnomore。Sometimesauthorssay，“Thepresentwriterhasoftenremarked；“or“Theundersignedhasobserved；“or“Mr。Roundaboutpresentshiscomplimentstothegentlereader，andbegstostate，“
　　&c。:but“I“isbetterandstraighterthanallthesegrimacesofmodesty:andalthoughtheseareRoundaboutPapers，andmaywanderwhoknowswhither，Ishallaskleavetomaintaintheuprightandsimpleperpendicular。Whenthisbundleofegotismsisbounduptogether，astheymaybeoneday，ifnoaccidentpreventsthistonguefromwagging，orthisinkfromrunning，theywillboreyouverylikely；soitwouldtoreadthrough“Howel'sLetters“frombeginningtoend，ortoeatupthewholeofaham；butasliceonoccasionmayhavearelish:adipintothevolumeatrandomandsoonforapageortwo:andnowandthenasmile；andpresentlyagape；andthebookdropsoutofyourhand；andso，bonsoir，andpleasantdreamstoyou。Ihavefrequentlyseenmenatclubsasleepovertheirhumbleservant'sworks，andamalwayspleased。EvenatalectureIdon'tmind，iftheydon'tsnore。OnlytheotherdaywhenmyfriendA。said，“You'veleftoffthatRoundaboutbusiness，Isee；
　　verygladyouhave，“Ijoinedinthegeneralroaroflaughteratthetable。Idon'tcareafigwhetherArchilochuslikesthepapersorno。Youdon'tlikepartridge，Archilochus，orporridge，orwhatnot?Trysomeotherdish。Iamnotgoingtoforceminedownyourthroat，orquarrelwithyouifyourefuseit。OnceinAmericaacleverandcandidwomansaidtome，atthecloseofadinner，duringwhichIhadbeensittingbesideher，“Mr。Roundabout，IwastoldI
　　shouldnotlikeyou；andIdon't。”“Well，ma'am，“saysI，inatoneofthemostunfeignedsimplicity，“Idon'tcare。”Andwebecamegoodfriendsimmediately，andesteemedeachothereverafter。
　　So，mydearArchilochus，ifyoucomeuponthispaper，andsay，“Fudge！“andpassontoanother，Iforoneshallnotbeintheleastmortified。Ifyousay，“WhatdoeshemeanbycallingthispaperOnTwoChildreninBlack，whenthere'snothingaboutpeopleinblackatall，unlesstheladieshemetandevidentlyboredatdinner，wereblackwomen?Whatisallthisegotisticalpother?AplagueonhisI's！“Mydearfellow，ifyouread“Montaigne'sEssays，“youmustownthathemightcallalmostanyonebythenameofanyother，andthatanessayontheMoonoranessayonGreenCheesewouldbeasappropriateatitleasoneofhisonCoaches，ontheArtofDiscoursing，orExperience，orwhatyouwill。Besides，ifIHAVEasubjectandIhaveIclaimtoapproachitinaroundaboutmanner。
　　YourememberBalzac'staleofthePeaudeChagrin，andhoweverytimethepossessoruseditfortheaccomplishmentofsomewishthefairyPeaushrankalittleandtheowner'slifecorrespondinglyshortened?IhavesuchadesiretobewellwithmypublicthatIamactuallygivingupmyfavoritestory。Iamkillingmygoose，IknowIam。Ican'ttellmystoryofthechildreninblackafterthis；
　　afterprintingit，andsendingitthroughthecountry。Whentheyaregonetotheprinter'stheselittlethingsbecomepublicproperty。Itaketheirhands。Iblessthem。Isay，“Good-by，mylittledears。”Iamquitesorrytopartwiththem:butthefactis，Ihavetoldallmyfriendsaboutthemalready，anddon'tdaretotakethemaboutwithmeanymore。
　　Noweverywordistrueofthislittleanecdote，andIsubmitthatthereliesinitamostcuriousandexcitinglittlemystery。Iamlikeamanwhogivesyouthelastbottleofhis'25claret。Itistheprideofhiscellar；heknowsit，andhehasarighttopraiseit。Hetakesupthebottle，fashionedsoslenderly——takesituptenderly，cantsitwithcare，placesitbeforehisfriends，declareshowgooditis，withhonestpride，andwisheshehadahundreddozenbottlesmoreofthesamewineinhiscellar。Siquidnovisti，&c。，Ishallbeverygladtohearfromyou。IprotestandvowIamgivingyouthebestIhave。
　　Well，whothoselittleboysinblackwere，Ishallneverprobablyknowtomydyingday。Theywereveryprettylittlemen，withpalefaces，andlarge，melancholyeyes；andtheyhadbeautifullittlehands，andlittleboots，andthefinestlittleshirts，andblackpaletotslinedwiththerichestsilk；andtheyhadpicture-booksinseverallanguages，English，andFrench，andGerman，Iremember。Twomorearistocratic-lookinglittlemenIneverseteyeson。Theyweretravellingwithaveryhandsome，paleladyinmourning，andamaid-
　　servantdressedinblack，too；andonthelady'sfacetherewasthedeepestgrief。Thelittleboysclamberedandplayedaboutthecarriage，andshesatwatching。Itwasarailway-carriagefromFrankforttoHeidelberg。
　　Isawatoncethatshewasthemotherofthosechildren，andgoingtopartfromthem。PerhapsIhavetriedpartingwithmyown，andnotfoundthebusinessverypleasant。PerhapsIrecollectdrivingdownwithacertaintrunkandcarpet-bagontheboxwithmyownmothertotheendoftheavenue，wherewewaited——onlyafewminutes——untilthewhirringwheelsofthat“Defiance“coachwereheardrollingtowardsusascertainasdeath。Twanggoesthehorn；
　　upgoesthetrunk；downcomethesteps。Bah！Iseetheautumnevening:Ihearthewheelsnow:Ismartthecruelsmartagain:and，boyorman，haveneverbeenabletobearthesightofpeoplepartingfromtheirchildren。
　　Ithoughttheselittlemenmightbegoingtoschoolforthefirsttimeintheirlives；andmammamightbetakingthemtothedoctor，andwouldleavethemwithmanyfondcharges，andlittlewistfulsecretsoflove，biddingtheeldertoprotecthisyoungerbrother，andtheyoungertobegentle，andtoremembertopraytoGodalwaysforhismother，whowouldprayforherboytoo。Ourpartymadefriendswiththeseyoungonesduringthelittlejourney；butthepoorladywastoosadtotalkexcepttotheboysnowandagain，andsatinhercorner，pale，andsilentlylookingatthem。
　　Thenextday，wesawtheladyandhermaiddrivinginthedirectionoftherailway-station，WITHOUTTHEBOYS。Thepartinghadtakenplace，then。Thatnighttheywouldsleepamongstrangers。Thelittlebedsathomewerevacant，andpoormothermightgoandlookatthem。Well，tearsflow，andfriendspart，andmothersprayeverynightallovertheworld。IdaresaywewenttoseeHeidelbergCastle，andadmiredthevastshatteredwallsandquaintgables；andtheNeckarrunningitsbrightcoursethroughthatcharmingsceneofpeaceandbeauty；andateourdinner，anddrankourwinewithrelish。ThepoormotherwouldeatbutlittleAbendessenthatnight；
　　and，asforthechildren——thatfirstnightatschool——hardbed，hardwords，strangeboysbullying，andlaughing，andjarringyouwiththeirhatefulmerriment——asforthefirstnightatastrangeschool，wemostofusrememberwhatTHATis。AndthefirstisnottheWORST，myboys，there'stherub。Buteachmanhashisshareoftroubles，and，Isuppose，youmusthaveyours。
　　FromHeidelbergwewenttoBaden-Baden:and，Idaresay，sawMadamedeSchlangenbadandMadamedelaCruchecassee，andCountPunter，andhonestCaptainBlackball。Andwhomshouldweseeintheevening，butourtwolittleboys，walkingoneachsideofafierce，yellow-
　　faced，beardedman！Wewantedtorenewouracquaintancewiththem，andtheywerecomingforwardquitepleasedtogreetus。Butthefatherpulledbackoneofthelittlemenbyhispaletot，gaveagrimscowl，andwalkedaway。Icanseethechildrennowlookingratherfrightenedawayfromusandupintothefather'sface，orthecrueluncle's——whichwashe?Ithinkhewasthefather。Sothiswastheendofthem。Notschool，asIatfirsthadimagined。Themotherwasgone，whohadgiventhemtheheapsofprettybooks，andtheprettystudsintheshirts，andtheprettysilkenclothes，andthetender——tendercares；andtheywerehandedtothisscowlingpractitionerofTrenteetQuarante。Ah！thisisworsethanschool。
　　Poorlittlemen！poormothersittingbythevacantlittlebeds！Wesawthechildrenonceortwiceafter，alwaysinScowler'scompany；
　　butwedidnotdaretogiveeachotheranymarksofrecognition。
　　FromBadenwewenttoBasle，andthencetoLucerne，andsoovertheSt。GothardintoItaly。FromMilanwewenttoVenice；andnowcomesthesingularpartofmystory。InVenicethereisalittlecourtofwhichIforgetthename:butinitisanapothecary'sshop，whitherIwenttobuysomeremedyforthebitesofcertainanimalswhichaboundinVenice。Crawlinganimals，skippinganimals，andhumming，flyinganimals；allthreewillhaveatyouatonce；andonenightnearlydrovemeintoastrait-waistcoat。Well，asIwascomingoutoftheapothecary'swiththebottleofspiritsofhartshorninmyhanditreallydoesdothebitesagreatdealofgood，whomshouldIlightuponbutoneofmylittleHeidelberg-Badenboys！
　　Ihavesaidhowhandsomelytheyweredressedaslongastheywerewiththeirmother。WhenIsawtheboyatVenice，whoperfectlyrecognizedme，hisonlygarbwasawretchedyellowcottongown。Hislittlefeet，onwhichIhadadmiredthelittleshinyboots，wereWITHOUTSHOEORSTOCKING。Helookedatme，rantoanoldhagofawoman，whoseizedhishand；andwithherhedisappeareddownoneofthethrongedlanesofthecity。
　　FromVenicewewenttoTriestetheViennarailwayatthattimewasonlyopenedasfarasLaybach，andthemagnificentSemmeringPasswasnotquitecompleted。AtastationbetweenLaybachandGraetz，oneofmycompanionsalightedforrefreshment，andcamebacktothecarriagesaying:——
　　“There'sthathorriblemanfromBaden，withthetwolittleboys。”
　　Ofcourse，wehadtalkedabouttheappearanceofthelittleboyatVenice，andhisstrangealteredgarb。Mycompanionsaidtheywerepale，wretched-lookingandDRESSEDQUITESHABBILY。
　　Igotoutatseveralstations，andlookedatallthecarriages。I
　　couldnotseemylittlemen。FromthatdaytothisIhaveneverseteyesonthem。Thatisallmystory。Whowerethey?Whatcouldtheybe?Howcanyouexplainthatmysteryofthemothergivingthemup；oftheremarkablesplendorandeleganceoftheirappearancewhileunderhercare；oftheirbarefootedsqualorinVenice，amonthafterwards；oftheirshabbyhabilimentsatLaybach?Hadthefathergambledawayhismoney，andsoldtheirclothes?Howcametheytohavepassedoutofthehandsofarefinedladyassheevidentlywas，withwhomIfirstsawthemintothechargeofquiteacommonwomanlikeherwithwhomIsawoneoftheboysatVenice?Hereisbutonechapterofthestory。Cananymanwritethenext，orthatprecedingthestrangeoneonwhichIhappenedtolight?Whoknows?
　　themysterymayhavesomequitesimplesolution。Isawtwochildren，attiredlikelittleprinces，takenfromtheirmotherandconsignedtoothercare；andafortnightafterwards，oneofthembarefootedandlikeabeggar。WhowillreadthisriddleofTheTwoChildreninBlack?
　　ONRIBBONS。
　　TheuncleofthepresentSirLouisN。Bonaparte，K。G。，&c。，inauguratedhisreignasEmperorovertheneighboringnationbyestablishinganOrder，towhichallcitizensofhiscountry，military，naval，andcivil——allmenmostdistinguishedinscience，letters，arts，andcommerce——wereadmitted。TheemblemoftheOrderwasbutapieceofribbon，moreorlesslongorbroad，withatoyattheendofit。TheBourbonshadtoysandribbonsoftheirown，blue，black，andall-colored；andontheirreturntodominionsuchgoodoldTorieswouldnaturallyhavepreferredtorestoretheirgoodoldordersofSaintLouis，SaintEsprit，andSaintMichel；butFrancehadtakentheribbonoftheLegionofHonorsotoherheartthatnoBourbonsovereigndaredtopluckitthence。
　　InEngland，untilverylatedays，wehavebeenaccustomedrathertopooh-poohnationalOrders，tovoteribbonsandcrossestinselgewgaws，foolishforeignornaments，andsoforth。ItisknownhowtheGreatDukethebreastofwhoseowncoatwasplasteredwithsomehalf-hundreddecorationswasaversetothewearingofribbons，medals，clasps，andthelike，byhisarmy。WehaveallofusreadhowuncommonlydistinguishedLordCastlereaghlookedatVienna，wherehewastheonlygentlemanpresentwithoutanydecorationwhatever。AndtheGreatDuke'stheorywas，thatclaspsandribbons，starsandgarters，weregoodandproperornamentsforhimself，forthechiefofficersofhisdistinguishedarmy，andforgentlemenofhighbirth，whomightnaturallyclaimtowearabandofgarterblueacrosstheirwaistcoats；butthatforcommonpeopleyourplaincoat，withoutstarsandribbons，wasthemostsensiblewear。
　　AndnodoubtyouandIareashappy，asfree，ascomfortable；wecanwalkanddineaswell；wecankeepthewinter'scoldoutaswell，withoutastaronourcoats，aswithoutafeatherinourhats。HowoftenwehavelaughedattheabsurdmaniaoftheAmericansfordubbingtheirsenators，membersofCongress，andStates'
　　representatives，Honorable。WehavearighttocallOURPrivyCouncillorsRightHonorable，ourLords'sonsHonorable，andsoforth；butforanationasnumerous，welleducated，strong，rich，civilized，freeasourown，todaretogiveitsdistinguishedcitizenstitlesofhonor——monstrousassumptionoflow-bredarroganceandparvenuvanity！Ourtitlesarerespectable，buttheirsabsurd。
　　Mr。Jones，ofLondon，aChancellor'sson，andatailor'sgrandson，isjustlyHonorable，andentitledtobeLordJonesathisnoblefather'sdecease:butMr。Brown，thesenatorfromNewYork，isasillyupstartfortackingHonorabletohisname，andoursturdyBritishgoodsenselaughsathim。WhohasnotlaughedIhavemyselfatHonorableNahumDodge，HonorableZenoScudder，HonorableHiramBoake，andtherest?AscoreofsuchqueernamesandtitlesI
　　havesmiledatinAmerica。And，mutatonomine?Imeetabornidiot，whoisapeerandbornlegislator。Thisdrivellingnoodleandhisdescendantsthroughlifeareyournaturalsuperiorsandmine——yourandmychildren'ssuperiors。Ireadofanaldermankneelingandknightedatcourt:Iseeagold-stickwaddlingbackwardsbeforeMajestyinaprocession，andifwelaugh，don'tyousupposetheAmericanslaughtoo?
　　Yes，stars，garters，orders，knighthoods，andthelike，arefolly。
　　Yes，Bobus，citizenandsoap-boiler，isagoodman，andnoonelaughsathimorgoodMrs。Bobus，astheyhavetheirdinneratoneo'clock。ButwhowillnotjeeratSirThomasonameltingday，andLadyBobus，atMargate，eatingshrimpsinadonkey-chaise?Yes，knighthoodisabsurd:andchivalryanidioticsuperstition:andSirWalterMannywasazany:andNelson，withhisflamingstarsandcordons，splendentuponadayofbattle，wasamadman:andMurat，withhiscrossesandorders，attheheadofhissquadronschargingvictorious，wasonlyacrazymountebank，whohadbeenatavern-
　　waiter，andwaspuffedupwithabsurdvanityabouthisdressandlegs。AndthemenoftheFrenchlineatFontenoy，whotoldMessieursdelaGardetofirefirst，weresmirkingFrenchdancing-
　　masters；andtheBlackPrince，waitinguponhisroyalprisoner，wasactinganinanemasquerade:andChivalryisnaught；andhonorishumbug；andGentlemanhoodisanextinctfolly；andAmbitionismadness；anddesireofdistinctioniscriminalvanity；andgloryisbosh；andfairfameisidleness；andnothingistruebuttwoandtwo；andthecolorofalltheworldisdrab；andallmenareequal；
　　andonemanisastallasanother；andonemanisasgoodasanother——andagreatdalebetther，astheIrishphilosophersaid。
　　Isthisso?Titlesandbadgesofhonorarevanity；andintheAmericanRevolutionyouhavehisExcellencyGeneralWashingtonsendingback，andwithproperspiritsendingback，aletterinwhichheisnotaddressedasExcellencyandGeneral。Titlesareabolished；andtheAmericanRepublicswarmswithmenclaimingandbearingthem。YouhavetheFrenchsoldiercheeredandhappyinhisdyingagony，andkissingwithfranticjoythechief'shandwholaysthelittlecrossonthebleedingbosom。AthomeyouhavetheDukesandEarlsjobbingandintriguingfortheGarter；theMilitaryKnightsgrumblingattheCivilKnightsofthebath；thelittleribboneagerforthecollar；thesoldiersandseamenfromIndiaandtheCrimeamarchinginprocessionbeforetheQueen，andreceivingfromherhandsthecrossbearingherroyalname。And，remember，therearenotonlythecrosswearers，butallthefathersandfriends；allthewomenwhohaveprayedfortheirabsentheroes；
　　Harry'swife，andTom'smother，andJack'sdaughter，andFrank'ssweetheart，eachofwhomwearsinherheartofheartsafterwardsthebadgewhichson，father，lover，haswonbyhismerit；eachofwhomismadehappyandproud，andisboundtothecountrybythatlittlebitofribbon。
　　Ihaveheard，inalectureaboutGeorgetheThird，that，athisaccession，theKinghadamindtoestablishanorderforliterarymen。ItwastohavebeencalledtheOrderofMinerva——IsupposewithanOwlforabadge。Theknightsweretohavewornastarofsixteenpoints，andayellowribbon；andgoodoldSamuelJohnsonwastalkedofasPresident，orGrandCross，orGrandOwl，ofthesociety。Nowaboutsuchanorderasthistherecertainlymaybedoubts。Considertheclaimants，thedifficultyofsettlingtheirclaims，therowsandsquabblesamongstthecandidates，andthesubsequentdecisionofposterity！Dr。Beattiewouldhaverankedasfirstpoet，andtwentyyearsafterthesublimeMr。Hayleywould，nodoubt，haveclaimedtheGrandCross。Mr。Gibbonwouldnothavebeeneligible，onaccountofhisdangerousfreethinkingopinions；andhersex，aswellasherrepublicansentiments，mighthaveinterferedwiththeknighthoodoftheimmortalMrs。CatharineMacaulay。HowGoldsmithwouldhaveparadedtheribbonatMadameCornelys's，ortheAcademydinner！HowPeterPindarwouldhaverailedatit！Fiftyyearslater，thenobleScottwouldhaveworntheGrandCrossanddeservedit；butGiffordwouldhavehadit；andByron，andShelley，andHazlitt，andHuntwouldhavebeenwithoutit；andhadKeatsbeenproposedasofficer，howtheToryprintswouldhaveyelledwithrageandscorn！HadthestarofMinervalastedtoourpresenttime——butIpause，notbecausetheideaisdazzling，buttooawful。Fancytheclaimants，andtherowabouttheirprecedence！Whichphilosophershallhavethegrandcordon?——whichthecollar?——whichthelittlescrapnobiggerthanabuttercup?Ofthehistorians——A，say，——andC，andF，andG，andS，andT，——whichshallbeCompanionandwhichGrandOwl?Ofthepoets，whowears，orclaims，thelargestandbrighteststar?Ofthenovelists，thereisA，andBandCD；andE
　　staroffirstmagnitude，newlydiscovered，andFamagazineofwit，andfairG，andH，andI，andbraveoldJ，andcharmingK，andL，andM，andN，andOfairtwinklers，andIampuzzledbetweenthreeP's——Peacock，MissPardoe，andPaulPry——andQueechy，andR，andS，andT，mereetfils，andverylikelyU，Ogentlereader，forwhohasnotwrittenhisnovelnow-a-days?——whohasnotaclaimtothestarandstraw-coloredribbon?——andwhoshallhavethebiggestandlargest?Fancythestruggle！Fancythesquabble！Fancythedistributionofprizes！
　　Whoshalldecideonthem?Shallitbethesovereign?shallitbetheMinisterforthetimebeing?andhasLordPalmerstonmadeadeepstudyofnovels?InthismatterthelateMinistry，*tobesure，wasbetterqualified；buteventhen，grumblerswhohadnotgottheircanarycordons，wouldhavehintedatprofessionaljealousiesenteringtheCabinet；and，theribbonsbeingawarded，JackwouldhavescowledathisbecauseDickhadabroaderone；NedbeenindignantbecauseBob'swasaslarge:Tomwouldhavethrusthisintothedrawer，andscornedtowearitatall。No——no:theso-calledliteraryworldwaswellridofMinervaandheryellowribbon。Thegreatpoetswouldhavebeenindifferent，thelittlepoetsjealous，thefunnymenfurious，thephilosopherssatirical，thehistorianssupercilious，and，finally，thejobswithoutend。Say，ingenuityandclevernessaretoberewardedbyStatetokensandprizes——andtakeforgrantedtheOrderofMinervaisestablished——whoshallhaveit?Agreatphilosopher?nodoubtwecordiallysalutehimG。C。M。A
　　greathistorian?G。C。M。ofcourse。Agreatengineer?G。C。M。A
　　greatpoet?receivedwithacclamationG。C。M。Agreatpainter?oh！
　　certainly，G。C。M。Ifagreatpainter，whynotagreatnovelist?
　　Well，pass，greatnovelist，G。C。M。Butifapoetic，apictorial，astory-tellingormusic-composingartist，whynotasingingartist?
　　Whynotabasso-profondo?Whynotaprimotenore?Andifasinger，whyshouldnotaballet-dancercomeboundingonthestagewithhiscordon，andcutcaperstothemusicofarowofdecoratedfiddlers?
　　Achemistputsinhisclaimforhavinginventedanewcolor；anapothecaryforanewpill；thecookforanewsauce；thetailorforanewcutoftrousers。WehavebroughtthestarofMinervadownfromthebreasttothepantaloons。Starsandgarters！canwegoanyfarther；orshallwegivetheshoemakertheyellowribbonoftheorderforhisshoetie?
　　*ThatofLordDerby，inl859，whichincludedMr。DisraeliandSirEdwardBulwerLytton。
　　WhenIbeganthispresentRoundaboutexcursion，IthinkIhadnotquitemadeupmymindwhetherwewouldhaveanOrderofalltheTalentsornot:perhapsIratherhadahankeringforarichribbonandgorgeousstar，inwhichmyfamilymightliketoseemeatpartiesinmybestwaistcoat。Butthenthedooropens，andtherecomein，andbythesamerighttoo，SirAlexisSoyer！SirAlessandroTamburini！SirAgostinoVelluti！SirAntonioPaganiniviolinist！
　　SirSandyMcGuffogpipertothemostnobletheMarquisofFarintosh！SirAlcideFlicflacpremierdanseurofH。M。Theatre！
　　SirHarleyQuinandSirJosephGrimaldifromCoventGarden！Theyhavealltheyellowribbon。Theyareallhonorable，andclever，anddistinguishedartists。Letuselbowthroughtherooms，makeabowtotheladyofthehouse，giveanodtoSirGeorgeThrum，whoisleadingtheorchestra，andgoandgetsomechampagneandseltzer-
　　waterfromSirRichardGunter，whoispresidingatthebuffet。A
　　nationaldecorationmightbewellandgood:atokenawardedbythecountrytoallitsbenemerentibus:butmostgentlemenwithMinervastarswould，Ithink，beinclinedtowearverywidebreast-collarstotheircoats。Supposeyourself，brotherpenman，decoratedwiththisribbon，andlookingintheglass，wouldyounotlaugh?Wouldnotwifeanddaughterslaughatthatcanary-coloredemblem?
　　Butsupposeaman，oldoryoung，offigureeversostout，thin，stumpy，homely，indulginginlooking-glassreflectionswiththathideousribbonandcrosscalledV。C。onhiscoat，wouldhenotbeproud?andhisfamily，wouldtheynotbeprouder?Foryournoblemanthereisthefamousoldbluegarterandstar，andwelcome。IfI
　　wereamarquis——ifIhadthirty——fortythousandayearsettlethesum，mydearAlnaschar，accordingtoyourliking，IshouldconsidermyselfentitledtomyseatinParliamentandtomygarter。ThegarterbelongstotheOrnamentalClasses。HaveyouseenthenewmagnificentPavoSpiciferattheZoologicalGardens，anddoyougrudgehimhisjewelledcoronetandtheazuresplendorofhiswaistcoat?IlikemyLordMayortohaveagiltcoach；mymagnificentmonarchtobesurroundedbymagnificentnobles:Ihuzzayrespectfullywhentheypassinprocession。ItisgoodforMr。
　　Briefless50，PumpCourt，fourthfloorthatthereshouldbeaLordChancellor，withagoldrobeandfifteenthousandayear。ItisgoodforapoorcuratethatthereshouldbesplendidbishopsatFulhamandLambeth:theirlordshipswerepoorcuratesonce，andhavewon，sotospeak，theirribbon。Isamanwhoputsintoalotterytobesulkybecausehedoesnotwinthetwentythousandpoundsprize?
　　AmItofallintoarage，andbullymyfamilywhenIcomehome，aftergoingtoseeChatsworthorWindsor，becausewehaveonlytwolittledrawing-rooms?Welcometoyourgarter，mylord，andshameuponhimquimalypense！
　　SoIarriveinmyroundaboutwaynearthepointtowardswhichIhavebeentrottingeversincewesetout。
　　InavoyagetoAmerica，somenineyearssince，ontheseventhoreighthdayoutfromLiverpool，CaptainL——cametodinnerateightbellsasusual，talkedalittletothepersonsrightandleftofhim，andhelpedthesoupwithhisaccustomedpoliteness。Thenhewentondeck，andwasbackinaminute，andoperatedonthefish，lookingrathergravethewhile。
　　Thenhewentondeckagain；andthistimewasabsent，itmaybe，threeorfiveminutes，duringwhichthefishdisappeared，andtheentreesarrived，andtheroastbeef。Saytenminutespassed——I
　　can'ttellafternineyears。
　　ThenL——camedownwithapleasedandhappycountenancethistime，andbegancarvingthesirloin:“Wehaveseenthelight，“hesaid。
　　“Madam，mayIhelpyoutoalittlegravy，oralittlehorse-radish?“
　　orwhatnot?
　　Iforgetthenameofthelight；nordoesitmatter。ItwasapointoffNewfoundlandforwhichhewasonthelook-out，andsowelldidthe“Canada“knowwhereshewas，that，betweensoupandbeef，thecaptainhadsightedtheheadlandbywhichhiscoursewaslying。
　　Andsothroughstormanddarkness，throughfogandmidnight，theshiphadpursuedhersteadywayoverthepathlessoceanandroaringseas，sosurelythattheofficerswhosailedherknewherplacewithinaminuteortwo，andguideduswithawonderfulprovidencesafeonourway。SincethenobleCunardCompanyhasrunitsships，butoneaccident，andthatthroughtheerrorofapilot，hashappenedontheline。
　　Bythislittleincidenthourlyofcourserepeated，andtrivialtoallsea-goingpeopleIownIwasimmenselymoved，andnevercanthinkofitbutwithaheartfullofthanksandawe。Wetrustourlivestotheseseamen，andhownoblytheyfulfiltheirtrust！Theyare，underheaven，asaprovidenceforus。Whilstwesleep，theiruntiringwatchfulnesskeepsguardoverus。Allnightthroughthatbellsoundsatitsseason，andtellshowoursentinelsdefendus。
　　Itrangwhenthe“Amazon“wasonfire，andchimeditsheroicsignalofduty，andcourage，andhonor。Thinkofthedangerstheseseamenundergoforus:thehourlyperilandwatch；thefamiliarstorm；thedreadfuliceberg；thelongwinternightswhenthedecksareasglass，andthesailorhastoclimbthroughiciclestobendthestiffsailontheyard！Thinkoftheircourageandtheirkindnessesincold，intempest，inhunger，inwreck！“Thewomenandchildrentotheboats，“saysthecaptainofthe“Birkenhead，“and，withthetroopsformedonthedeck，andthecrewobedienttothewordofgloriouscommand，theimmortalshipgoesdown。Readthestoryofthe“SarahSands:“——
　　“SARAHSANDS。
　　“Thescrewsteamship'SarahSands，'1，330registeredtons，wascharteredbytheEastIndiaCompanyintheautumnof1858，fortheconveyanceoftroopstoIndia。ShewascommandedbyJohnSquireCastle。Shetookoutapartofthe54thRegiment，upwardsof350
　　persons，besidesthewivesandchildrenofsomeofthemen，andthefamiliesofsomeoftheofficers。Allwentwelltillthe11thNovember，whentheshiphadreachedlat。14S。，long。56E。，upwardsof400milesfromtheMauritius。
　　“BetweenthreeandfourP。M。onthatdayaverystrongsmelloffirewasperceivedarisingfromtheafter-deck，andupongoingbelowintothehold，CaptainCastlefoundittobeonfire，andimmensevolumesofsmokearisingfromit。Endeavorsweremadetoreachtheseatofthefire，butinvain；thesmokeandheatweretoomuchforthemen。Therewas，however，noconfusion。Everyorderwasobeyedwiththesamecoolnessandcouragewithwhichitwasgiven。Theenginewasimmediatelystopped。Allsailwastakenin，andtheshipbroughttothewind，soastodrivethesmokeandfire，whichwasintheafter-partoftheship，astern。Otherswere，atthesametime，gettingfire-hosesfittedandpassedtothesceneofthefire。Thefire，however，continuedtoincrease，andattentionwasdirectedtotheammunitioncontainedinthepowder-magazines，whichweresituatedoneoneachsidetheshipimmediatelyabovethefire。Thestar-boardmagazinewassooncleared。Butbythistimethewholeoftheafter-partoftheshipwassomuchenvelopedinsmokethatitwasscarcelypossibletostand，andgreatfearswereentertainedonaccountoftheportmagazine。Volunteerswerecalledfor，andcameimmediately，and，undertheguidanceofLieutenantHughes，attemptedtocleartheportmagazine，whichtheysucceededindoing，withtheexception，aswassupposed，ofoneortwobarrels。Itwasmostdangerouswork。Themenbecameoverpoweredwiththesmokeandheat，andfell；andseveral，whilethusengaged，weredraggedupbyropes，senseless。
　　“Theflamessoonburstupthroughthedeck，andrunningrapidlyalongthevariouscabins，setthegreaterpartonfire。
　　“InthemeantimeCaptainCastletookstepsforloweringtheboats。
　　Therewasaheavygaleatthetime，buttheywerelaunchedwithouttheleastaccident。Thesoldiersweremusteredondeck；——therewasnorushtotheboats；andthemenobeyedthewordofcommandasifonparade。ThemenwereinformedthatCaptainCastledidnotdespairofsavingtheship，butthattheymustbepreparedtoleaveherifnecessary。Thewomenandchildrenwereloweredintotheportlifeboat，underthechargeofMr。Very，thirdofficer，whohadorderstokeepclearoftheshipuntilrecalled。
　　“CaptainCastlethencommencedconstructingraftsofsparespars。
　　Inashorttime，threewereputtogether，whichwouldhavebeencapableofsavingagreatnumberofthoseonboard。Twowerelaunchedoverboard，andsafelymooredalongside，andthenathirdwasleftacrossthedeckforward，readytobelaunched。
　　“Inthemeantimethefirehadmadegreatprogress。Thewholeofthecabinswereonebodyoffire，andatabout8。30P。M。flamesburstthroughtheupperdeck，andshortlyafterthemizzenriggingcaughtfire。Fearswereentertainedoftheshippayingoff，inwhichcasetheflameswouldhavebeensweptforwardsbythewind；butfortunatelytheafter-braceswereburntthrough，andthemain-yardswunground，whichkepttheship'sheadtowind。AboutnineP。M。，afearfulexplosiontookplaceintheportmagazine，arising，nodoubt，fromtheoneortwobarrelsofpowderwhichithadbeenimpossibletoremove。Bythistimetheshipwasonebodyofflame，fromthesterntothemainrigging，andthinkingitscarcelypossibletosaveher，CaptainCastlecalledMajorBrettthenincommandofthetroops，fortheColonelwasinoneoftheboats
　　forward，and，tellinghimthathefearedtheshipwaslost，requestedhimtoendeavortokeeporderamongstthetroopstillthelast，but，atthesametime，touseeveryexertiontocheckthefire。Providentially，theironbulkheadintheafter-partoftheshipwithstoodtheactionoftheflames，andherealleffortswereconcentratedtokeepitcool。
　　“'Noperson，'saysthecaptain，'candescribethemannerinwhichthemenworkedtokeepthefireback；onepartywerebelow，keepingthebulkheadcool，andwhenseveralweredraggedupsenseless，freshvolunteerstooktheirplaces，whowere，however，sooninthesamestate。AtabouttenP。M。，themaintopsail-yardtookfire。Mr。
　　Welch，onequartermaster，andfourorfivesoldiers，wentaloftwithwetblankets，andsucceededinextinguishingit，butnotuntiltheyardandmastwerenearlyburntthrough。Theworkoffightingthefirebelowcontinuedforhours，andaboutmidnightitappearedthatsomeimpressionwasmade；andafterthat，themendroveitback，inchbyinch，untildaylight，whentheyhadcompletelygotitunder。
　　Theshipwasnowinafrightfulplight。Theafter-partwasliterallyburntout——merelytheshellremaining——theportquarterblownoutbytheexplosion:fifteenfeetofwaterinthehold。'
　　“Thegalestillprevailed，andtheshipwasrollingandpitchinginaheavysea，andtakinginlargequantitiesofwaterabaft:thetanks，too，wererollingfromsidetosideinthehold。
　　“Assoonasthesmokewaspartiallyclearedaway，CaptainCastlegotsparesailsandblanketsafttostoptheleak，passingtwohawsersroundthestern，andsettingthemup。Thetroopswereemployedbalingandpumping。Thiscontinuedduringthewholemorning。
　　“Inthecourseofthedaytheladiesjoinedtheship。Theboatswereorderedalongside，buttheyfoundtheseatooheavytoremainthere。Thegighadbeenabandonedduringthenight，andthecrew，underMr。Wood，fourthofficer，hadgotintoanotheroftheboats。
　　Thetroopswereemployedtheremainderofthedaybalingandpumping，andthecrewsecuringthestern。Allhandswereemployedduringthefollowingnightbalingandpumping，theboatsbeingmooredalongside，wheretheyreceivedsomedamage。Atdaylight，onthe13th，thecrewwereemployedhoistingtimeboats，thetroopswereworkingmanfullybalingandpumping。Latitudeatnoon，13deg。
　　12min。south。AtfiveP。M。，theforesailandforetopsailwereset，theraftswerecutaway，andtheshipborefortheMauritius。
　　OnThursday，the19th，shesightedtheIslandofRodrigues，andarrivedatMauritiusonMondaythe23rd。”
　　TheNileandTrafalgararenotmoreglorioustoourcountry，arenotgreatervictoriesthanthesewonbyourmerchant-seamen。AndifyoulookintheCaptain'sreportsofanymaritimeregister，youwillseesimilaractsrecordedeveryday。Ihavesuchavolumeforlastyear，nowlyingbeforeme。Inthesecondnumber，asIopenitathazard，CaptainRoberts，masteroftheship“Empire，“fromShieldstoLondon，reportshowonthe14thult。the14thDecember，1859，he，“beingoffWhitby，discoveredtheshiptobeonfirebetweenthemainholdandboilers:gotthehosefromtheenginelaidon，andsucceededinsubduingthefire；butonlyapparently；foratseventhenextmorning，the'Dudgeon'bearingS。S。E。sevenmiles'
　　distance，thefireagainbrokeout，causingtheshiptobeenvelopedinflamesonbothsidesofmidships:gotthehoseagainintoplayandallhandstoworkwithbucketstocombatwiththefire。DidnotsucceedinstoppingittillfourP。M。，toeffectwhich，wereobligedtocutawaythedeckandtopsides，andthrowoverboardpartofthecargo。Thevesselwasverymuchdamagedandleaky:determinedtomakefortheHumber。Shipwasrunonshore，onthemud，nearGrimsbyharbor，withfivefeetofwaterinherhold。Thedonkey-
　　enginebrokedown。Thewaterincreasedsofastastoputoutthefurnacefiresandrendertheshipalmostunmanageable。Onthetideflowing，atugtowedtheshipoffthemud，andgotherintoGrimsbytorepair。”
　　Onthe2ndofNovember，CaptainStrickland，ofthe“Purchase“
　　brigantine，fromLiverpooltoYarmouth，U。S。，“encounteredheavygalesfromW。N。W。toW。S。W。，inlat。43deg。N。，long。34deg。W。，inwhichwelostjib，foretopmast，staysail，topsail，andcarriedawaytheforetopmaststays，bobstaysandbowsprit，headsails，cut-
　　waterandstern，alsostartedthewoodends，whichcausedthevesseltoleak。Putherbeforethewindandsea，andhoveabouttwenty-
　　fivetonsofcargooverboardtolightentheshipforward。Slungmyselfinabowline，andbymeansofthrusting21/2-inchropeintheopening，contrivedtostopagreatportionoftheleak。
　　“December16th——Thecrewcontinuingnightanddayatthepumps，couldnotkeeptheshipfree；deemeditprudentforthebenefitofthoseconcernedtobearupforthenearestport。Onarrivinginlat。48deg。45'N。，long。23deg。W。，observedavesselwithasignalofdistressflying。Madetowardsher，whensheprovedtobethebarque'Carleton，'water-logged。Thecaptainandcrewaskedtobetakenoff。Hoveto，andreceivedthemonboard，consistingofthirteenmen:andtheirshipwasabandoned。Wethenproceededonourcourse，thecrewoftheabandonedvesselassistingalltheycouldtokeepmyshipafloat。WearrivedatCorkharboronthe27thult。”
　　CaptainCoulson，masterofthebrig“Othello，“reportsthathisbrigfounderedoffPortland，December27；——encounteringastronggale，andshippingtwoheavyseasinsuccession，whichhovetheshiponherbeam-ends。“Observingnochanceofsavingtheship，tooktothelongboat，andwithintenminutesofleavinghersawthebrigfounder。WewerepickedupthesamemorningbytheFrenchship'CommercedeParis，'CaptainTombarel。”
　　Here，inasinglecolumnofanewspaper，whatstrange，touchingpicturesdowefindofseamen'sdangers，vicissitudes，gallantry，generosity！Theshiponfire——thecaptaininthegaleslinginghimselfinabowlinetostoptheleak——theFrenchmaninthehourofdangercomingtohisBritishcomrade'srescue——thebrigantinealmostawreck，workinguptothebarquewiththesignalofdistressflying，andtakingoffhercrewofthirteenmen。“Wethenproceededonourcourse，THECREWOFTHEABANDONEDVESSELASSISTINGALLTHEY
　　COULDTOKEEPMYSHIPAFLOAT。”Whatnoble，simplewords！Whatcourage，devotedness，brotherlylove！Dotheynotcausethehearttobeat，andtheeyestofill?
　　Thisiswhatseamendodaily，andforoneanother。Onelightsoccasionallyupondifferentstories。Ithappened，notverylongsince，thatthepassengersbyoneofthegreatoceansteamerswerewrecked，and，afterundergoingthemostseverehardships，wereleft，destituteandhelpless，atamiserablecoalingport。Amongstthemwereoldmen，ladies，andchildren。Whenthenextsteamerarrived，thepassengersbythatsteamertookalarmatthehaggardandmiserableappearanceoftheirunfortunatepredecessors，andactuallyREMONSTRATEDWITHTHEIROWNCAPTAIN，URGINGHIMNOTTOTAKETHEPOOR
　　CREATURESONBOARD。Therewaseveryexcuse，ofcourse。Thelast-
　　arrivedsteamerwasalreadydangerouslyfull:thecabinswerecrowded；thereweresickanddelicatepeopleonboard——sickanddelicatepeoplewhohadpaidalargepricetothecompanyforroom，food，comfort，alreadynottoosufficient。Iffourteenofusareinanomnibus，willweseethreeorfourwomenoutsideandsay“Comein，becausethisisthelast'bus，anditrains?“Ofcoursenot:
　　butthinkofthatremonstrance，andofthatSamaritanmasterofthe“Purchase“brigantine！
　　Inthewinterof'53，IwentfromMarseillestoCivitaVecchia，inoneofthemagnificentP。andO。ships，the“Valetta，“themasterofwhichsubsequentlydiddistinguishedserviceintheCrimea。ThiswashisfirstMediterraneanvoyage，andhesailedhisshipbythechartsalone，goingintoeachportassurelyasanypilot。I
　　rememberwalkingthedeckatnightwiththismostskilful，gallant，well-bred，andwell-educatedgentleman，andtheglowofeagerenthusiasmwithwhichheassented，whenIaskedhimwhetherhedidnotthinkaRIBBONorORDERwouldbewelcomeorusefulinhisservice。
　　WhyistherenotanORDEROFBRITANNIAforBritishseamen?IntheMerchantandtheRoyalNavyalike，occuralmostdailyinstancesandoccasionsforthedisplayofscience，skill，bravery，fortitudeintryingcircumstances，resourceindanger。InthefirstnumberoftheCornhillMagazine，afriendcontributedamosttouchingstoryoftheM'Clintockexpedition，inthedangersanddreadfulgloriesofwhichheshared；andthewriterwasamerchantcaptain。Howmanymorearethereand，forthehonorofEngland，maytherebemanylikehim！——gallant，accomplished，high-spirited，enterprisingmastersoftheirnobleprofession！CanourfountainofHonornotbebroughttosuchmen?Itplaysuponcaptainsandcolonelsinseemlyprofusion。Itpoursforthnotilliberalrewardsupondoctorsandjudges。Itsprinklesmayorsandaldermen。Itbedewsapainternowandagain。Ithasspiritedabaronetcyupontwo，andbestowedacoronetupononenoblemanofletters。DiplomatiststaketheirBathinitasofright；anditflingsoutaprofusionofglitteringstarsuponthenobilityofthethreekingdoms。CannotBritanniafindaribbonforhersailors?TheNavy，royalormercantile，isaService。Thecommandofaship，ortheconductofher，impliesdanger，honor，science，skill，subordination，goodfaith。Itmaybeavictory，suchasthatofthe“SarahSands；“itmaybediscovery，suchasthatofthe“Fox；“itmaybeheroicdisaster，suchasthatofthe“Birkenhead；“andinsucheventsmerchantseamen，aswellasroyalseamen，taketheirshare。
　　Whyistherenot，then，anOrderofBritannia?Onedayayoungofficerofthe“Euryalus“*maywinit；and，havingjustreadthememoirsofLORDDUNDONALD，IknowwhooughttohavethefirstGrandCross。
　　*PrinceAlfredwasservingonboardthefrigate“Euryalus“whenthiswaswritten。
　　ONSOMELATEGREATVICTORIES。
　　Onthe18thdayofAprillastIwenttoseeafriendinaneighboringCrescent，andonthestepsofthenexthousebeheldagroupsomethinglikethatheredepicted。Anewsboyhadstoppedinhiswalk，andwasreadingaloudthejournalwhichitwashisdutytodeliver；aprettyorange-girl，withaheapofblazingfruit，renderedmorebrilliantbyoneofthosegreatbluepapersinwhichorangesarenowartfullywrapped，leantovertherailingandlistened；andoppositethenymphamdiscentemtherewasacaperingandacute-earedyoungsatiristofacrossing-sweeper，whohadlefthisneighboringprofessionalavocationandchanceofprofit，inordertolistentothetaleofthelittlenewsboy。
　　Thatintelligentreader，withhishandfollowingthelineashereaditouttohisaudience，wassaying:——“And——now——Tom——comingupsmiling——afterhisfall——dee——deliveredarattlingclinkerupontheBeniciaBoy's——potato-trap——butwasmetbya——punisheronthenose——
　　which，“&c。&c。；orwordstothateffect。Bettyat52letmein，whiletheboywasreadinghislectureand，havingbeensometwentyminutesorsointhehouseandpaidmyvisit，Itookleave。
　　Thelittlelecturerwasstillatworkonthe51doorstep，andhisaudiencehadscarcelychangedtheirposition。Havingreadeverywordofthebattlemyselfinthemorning，Ididnotstaytolistenfurther；butifthegentlemanwhoexpectedhispaperattheusualhourthatdayexperienceddelayandalittledisappointmentIshallnotbesurprised。
　　Iamnotgoingtoexpatiateonthebattle。Ihavereadinthecorrespondent'sletterofaNorthernnewspaper，thatinthemidstofthecompanyassembledthereader'shumbleservantwaspresent，andinaverypolitesociety，too，of“poets，clergymen，menofletters，andmembersofbothHousesofParliament。”Ifso，Imusthavewalkedtothestationinmysleep，paidthreeguineasinaprofoundfitofmentalabstraction，andreturnedtobedunconscious，forI
　　certainlywokethereaboutthetimewhenhistoryrelatesthatthefightwasover。IdonotknowwhosecolorsIwore——theBenician's，orthoseoftheIrishchampion；norrememberwherethefighttookplace，which，indeed，nosomnambulistisboundtorecollect。OughtMr。Sayerstobehonoredforbeingbrave，orpunishedforbeingnaughty?BytheshadeofBrutustheelder，Idon'tknow。
　　InGeorgeII。'stime，therewasaturbulentnavylieutenantHandsomeSmithhewascalled——hispictureisatGreenwichnow，inbrownvelvet，andgoldandscarlet；hiscoathandsome，hiswaistcoatexceedinglyhandsome；buthisfacebynomeansthebeauty——therewas，Isay，aturbulentyounglieutenantwhowasbrokeonacomplaintoftheFrenchambassador，forobligingaFrenchshipofwartolowerhertopsailstohisshipatSpithead。But，bytheKing'sorders，TomwasnextdaymadeCaptainSmith。Well，ifIwereabsoluteking，IwouldsendTomSayerstothemillforamonth，andmakehimSirThomasoncomingoutofClerkenwell。Youareanaughtyboy，Tom！butthen，youknow，weoughttoloveourbrethren，thougheversonaughty。Wearemoralists，andreprimandyou；andyouareherebyreprimandedaccordingly。ButincaseEnglandshouldeverhaveneedofafewscorethousandchampions，wholaughatdanger；
　　whocopewithgiants；who，strickentotheground，jumpupandgaylyrally，andfall，andriseagain，andstrike，anddieratherthanyield——incasethecountryshouldneedsuchmen，andyoushouldknowthem，bepleasedtosendlistsofthemisguidedpersonstotheprincipalpolicestations，wheremeansmaysomedaybefoundtoutilizetheirwretchedpowers，andgivetheirdeplorableenergiesarightdirection。Suppose，Tom，thatyouandyourfriendsarepittedagainstanimmenseinvader——supposeyouarebentonholdingtheground，anddyingthere，ifneedbe——supposeitislife，freedom，honor，home，youarefightingfor，andthereisadeath——dealingswordorrifleinyourhand，withwhichyouaregoingtoresistsometremendousenemywhochallengesyourchampionshiponyournativeshore?Then，SirThomas，resisthimtothedeath，anditisallright:killhim，andheavenblessyou。Drivehimintothesea，andtheredestroy，smash，anddrownhim；andletussingLaudamus。Inthesenationalcases，yousee，weoverridetheindisputablefirstlawsofmorals。Lovingyourneighborisverywell，butsupposeyourneighborcomesoverfromCalaisandBoulognetorobyouofyourlaws，yourliberties，yournewspapers，yourparliamentallofwhichSOMEdearneighborsofourshavegivenupinthemostself-denyingmanner:supposeanyneighborweretocrossthewaterandproposethiskindofthingtous?Shouldwenotbejustifiedinhumblytryingtopitchhimintothewater?IfitweretheKingofBelgiumhimselfwemustdoso。Imeanthatfighting，ofcourse，iswrong；
　　butthatthereareoccasionswhen，&c——IsupposeImeanthatthatone-handedfightofSayersisoneofthemostspirit-stirringlittlestoriesevertoldand，witheveryloveandrespectforMorality——myspiritsaystoher，“Do，forgoodness'sake，mydearmadam，keepyourtrue，andpure，andwomanly，andgentleremarksforanotherday。HavethegreatkindnesstostandaLEETLEaside，andjustletusseeoneortwomoreroundsbetweenthemen。Thatlittlemanwiththeonehandpowerlessonhisbreastfacingyondergiantforhours，andfellinghim，too，everynowandthen！Itisthelittle'Java'
　　andthe'Constitution'overagain。”
　　IthinkitisamostfortunateeventforthebraveHeenan，whohasactedandwrittensincethebattlewithatruewarrior'scourtesy，andwithagreatdealofgoodlogictoo，thatthebattlewasadrawnone。TheadvantagewasallonMr。Sayers'sside。Sayayoungladofsixteeninsultsmeinthestreet，andItryandthrashhim，anddoit。Well，Ihavethrashedayounglad。Yougreat，bigtyrant，couldn'tyouhitoneofyourownsize?Butsaytheladthrashesme?
　　IneithercaseIwalkawaydiscomfited:butinthelatter，Iampositivelyputtoshame。Now，whentheropeswerecutfromthatdeath-grip，andSirThomasreleased，thegentlemanofBeniciawasconfessedlyblindofoneeye，andspeedilyafterwardswasblindofboth。CouldMr。Savershaveheldoutforthreeminutes，forfiveminutes，fortenminutesmore?Hesayshecould。SowesayWE
　　couldhaveheldout，anddid，andhadbeatenofftheenemyatWaterloo，evenifthePrussianshadn'tcomeup。Theopinionsdifferprettymuchaccordingtothenatureoftheopinants。IsaytheDukeandTomcouldhaveheldout，thattheymeanttoholdout，thattheydidholdout，andthattherehasbeenfistifyingenough。ThatcrowdwhichcameinandstoppedthefightoughttobeconsideredlikeoneofthosedivinecloudswhichthegodssendinHomer:
　　“ApolloshroudsThegodlikeTrojaninaveilofclouds。”
　　ItisthebestwayofgettingthegodlikeTrojanoutofthescrape，don'tyousee?Thenodusiscut；Tomisoutofchancery；theBeniciaBoynotabittheworse，nay，betterthanifhehadbeatenthelittleman。Hehasnotthehumiliationofconquest。Heisgreater，andwillbelovedmorehereafterbythegentlesex。
　　SupposehehadovercomethegodlikeTrojan?SupposebehadtiedTom'scorpsetohiscab-wheels，anddriventoFarnham，smokingthepipeoftriumph?Faugh！thegreathulkingconqueror！Whydidyounotholdyourhandfromyonderhero?Everybody，Isay，wasrelievedbythatopportuneappearanceoftheBritishgods，protectorsofnativevalor，whointerfered，and“withdrew“theirchampion。