WhenIdevisedthisstory，Iforesawthelikelihoodthataclassof
　　readersandcommentatorswouldsupposethatIwasatgreatpains
　　toconcealexactlywhatIwasatgreatpainstosuggest:namely，
　　thatMrJohnHarmonwasnotslain，andthatMrJohnRokesmith
　　washe。Pleasingmyselfwiththeideathatthesuppositionmight
　　inpartariseoutofsomeingenuityinthestory，andthinkingit
　　worthwhile，intheinterestsofart，tohinttoanaudiencethatan
　　artistofwhateverdenominationmayperhapsbetrustedtoknow
　　whatheisaboutinhisvocation，iftheywillconcedehimalittle
　　patience，Iwasnotalarmedbytheanticipation。
　　Tokeepforalongtimeunsuspected，yetalwaysworkingitselfout，
　　anotherpurposeoriginatinginthatleadingincident，andturningit
　　toapleasantandusefulaccountatlast，wasatoncethemost
　　interestingandthemostdifficultpartofmydesign。Itsdifficulty
　　wasmuchenhancedbythemodeofpublication；for，itwouldbe
　　veryunreasonabletoexpectthatmanyreaders，pursuingastoryin
　　portionsfrommonthtomonththroughnineteenmonths，will，until
　　theyhaveitbeforethemcomplete，perceivetherelationsofitsfiner
　　threadstothewholepatternwhichisalwaysbeforetheeyesofthe
　　story-weaverathisloom。Yet，thatIholdtheadvantagesofthe
　　modeofpublicationtooutweighitsdisadvantages，maybeeasily
　　believedofonewhoreviveditinthePickwickPapersafterlong
　　disuse，andhaspursuediteversince。
　　Thereissometimesanodddispositioninthiscountrytodisputeas
　　improbableinfiction，whatarethecommonestexperiencesinfact。
　　Therefore，Inotehere，thoughitmaynotbeatallnecessary，that
　　therearehundredsofWillCasesastheyarecalled，farmore
　　remarkablethanthatfanciedinthisbook；andthatthestoresofthe
　　PrerogativeOfficeteemwithinstancesoftestatorswhohavemade，
　　changed，contradicted，hidden，forgotten，leftcancelled，andleft
　　uncancelled，eachmanymorewillsthanwereevermadebythe
　　elderMrHarmonofHarmonyJail。
　　InmysocialexperiencessinceMrsBettyHigdencameuponthe
　　sceneandleftit，IhavefoundCircumlocutionalchampions
　　disposedtobewarmwithmeonthesubjectofmyviewofthePoor
　　Law。MrfriendMrBounderbycouldneverseeanydifference
　　betweenleavingtheCoketown'hands'exactlyastheywere，and
　　requiringthemtobefedwithturtlesoupandvenisonoutofgold
　　spoons。Idioticpropositionsofaparallelnaturehavebeenfreely
　　offeredformyacceptance，andIhavebeencalledupontoadmit
　　thatIwouldgivePoorLawrelieftoanybody，anywhere，anyhow。
　　Puttingthisnonsenseaside，Ihaveobservedasuspicioustendency
　　inthechampionstodivideintotwoparties；theone，contending
　　thattherearenodeservingPoorwhopreferdeathbyslow
　　starvationandbitterweather，tothemerciesofsomeRelieving
　　OfficersandsomeUnionHouses；theother，admittingthatthere
　　aresuchPoor，butdenyingthattheyhaveanycauseorreasonfor
　　whattheydo。Therecordsinournewspapers，thelateexposureby
　　THELANCET，andthecommonsenseandsensesofcommon
　　people，furnishtooabundantevidenceagainstbothdefences。But，
　　thatmyviewofthePoorLawmaynotbemistakenor
　　misrepresented，Iwillstateit。IbelievetherehasbeeninEngland，
　　sincethedaysoftheSTUARTS，nolawsoofteninfamously
　　administered，nolawsooftenopenlyviolated，nolawhabituallyso
　　ill-supervised。Inthemajorityoftheshamefulcasesofdisease
　　anddeathfromdestitution，thatshockthePublicanddisgracethe
　　country，theillegalityisquiteequaltotheinhumanity——andknown
　　languagecouldsaynomoreoftheirlawlessness。
　　OnFridaytheNinthofJuneinthepresentyear，MrandMrs
　　BoffinintheirmanuscriptdressofreceivingMrandMrsLammle
　　atbreakfastwereontheSouthEasternRailwaywithme，ina
　　terriblydestructiveaccident。WhenIhaddonewhatIcouldtohelp
　　others，Iclimbedbackintomycarriage——nearlyturnedovera
　　viaduct，andcaughtaslantupontheturn——toextricatetheworthy
　　couple。Theyweremuchsoiled，butotherwiseunhurt。Thesame
　　happyresultattendedMissBellaWilferonherweddingday，and
　　MrRiderhoodinspectingBradleyHeadstone'sredneckerchiefas
　　helayasleep。IrememberwithdevoutthankfulnessthatIcan
　　neverbemuchnearerpartingcompanywithmyreadersforever，
　　thanIwasthen，untilthereshallbewrittenagainstmylife，thetwo
　　wordswithwhichIhavethisdayclosedthisbook:——THEEND。September2nd，1865。
　　End
　　BOOKTHEFIRSTTHECUPANDTHELIP
　　Chapter1
　　ONTHELOOKOUT
　　Inthesetimesofours，thoughconcerningtheexactyearthereisnoneedtobeprecise，aboatofdirtyanddisreputableappearance，withtwofiguresinit，floatedontheThames，betweenSouthwarkbridgewhichisofiron，andLondonBridgewhichisofstone，asanautumneveningwasclosingin。
　　Thefiguresinthisboatwerethoseofastrongmanwithraggedgrizzledhairandasun-brownedface，andadarkgirlofnineteenortwenty，sufficientlylikehimtoberecognizableashisdaughter。
　　Thegirlrowed，pullingapairofscullsveryeasily；theman，withtherudder-linesslackinhishands，andhishandslooseinhiswaistband，keptaneagerlookout。Hehadnonet，hook，orline，andhecouldnotbeafisherman；hisboathadnocushionforasitter，nopaint，noinscription，noappliancebeyondarustyboathookandacoilofrope，andhecouldnotbeawaterman；hisboatwastoocrazyandtoosmalltotakeincargofordelivery，andhecouldnotbealightermanorriver-carrier；therewasnocluetowhathelookedfor，buthelookedforsomething，withamostintentandsearchinggaze。Thetide，whichhadturnedanhourbefore，wasrunningdown，andhiseyeswatchedeverylittleraceandeddyinitsbroadsweep，astheboatmadeslighthead-wayagainstit，ordrovesternforemostbeforeit，accordingashedirectedhisdaughterbyamovementofhishead。Shewatchedhisfaceasearnestlyashewatchedtheriver。But，intheintensityofherlooktherewasatouchofdreadorhorror。
　　Alliedtothebottomoftheriverratherthanthesurface，byreasonoftheslimeandoozewithwhichitwascovered，anditssoddenstate，thisboatandthetwofiguresinitobviouslyweredoingsomethingthattheyoftendid，andwereseekingwhattheyoftensought。Halfsavageasthemanshowed，withnocoveringonhismattedhead，withhisbrownarmsbaretobetweentheelbowandtheshoulder，withthelooseknotofalooserkerchieflyinglowonhisbarebreastinawildernessofbeardandwhisker，withsuchdressasheworeseemingtobemadeoutofthemudthatbegrimedhisboat，stilltherewasabusiness-likeusageinhissteadygaze。
　　Sowitheverylitheactionofthegirl，witheveryturnofherwrist，perhapsmostofallwithherlookofdreadorhorror；theywerethingsofusage。
　　'Keepherout，Lizzie。Tiderunsstronghere。Keepherwellaforethesweepofit。'
　　Trustingtothegirl'sskillandmakingnouseoftherudder，heeyedthecomingtidewithanabsorbedattention。Sothegirleyedhim。
　　But，ithappenednow，thataslantoflightfromthesettingsunglancedintothebottomoftheboat，and，touchingarottenstaintherewhichboresomeresemblancetotheoutlineofamuffledhumanform，coloureditasthoughwithdilutedblood。Thiscaughtthegirl'seye，andsheshivered。
　　'Whatailsyou?'saidtheman，immediatelyawareofit，thoughsointentontheadvancingwaters；'Iseenothingafloat。'
　　Theredlightwasgone，theshudderwasgone，andhisgaze，whichhadcomebacktotheboatforamoment，travelledawayagain。
　　Wheresoeverthestrongtidemetwithanimpediment，hisgazepausedforaninstant。Ateverymooring-chainandrope，ateverystationeryboatorbargethatsplitthecurrentintoabroad-
　　arrowhead，attheoffsetsfromthepiersofSouthwarkBridge，atthepaddlesoftheriversteamboatsastheybeatthefilthywater，atthefloatinglogsoftimberlashedtogetherlyingoffcertainwharves，hisshiningeyesdartedahungrylook。Afteradarkeninghourorso，suddenlytherudder-linestightenedinhishold，andhesteeredhardtowardstheSurreyshore。
　　Alwayswatchinghisface，thegirlinstantlyansweredtotheactioninhersculling；presentlytheboatswunground，quiveredasfromasuddenjerk，andtheupperhalfofthemanwasstretchedoutoverthestern。
　　Thegirlpulledthehoodofacloakshewore，overherheadandoverherface，and，lookingbackwardsothatthefrontfoldsofthishoodwereturneddowntheriver，kepttheboatinthatdirectiongoingbeforethetide。Untilnow，theboathadbarelyheldherown，andhadhoveredaboutonespot；butnow，thebankschangedswiftly，andthedeepeningshadowsandthekindlinglightsofLondonBridgewerepassed，andthetiersofshippinglayoneitherhand。
　　Itwasnotuntilnowthattheupperhalfofthemancamebackintotheboat。Hisarmswerewetanddirty，andhewashedthemovertheside。Inhisrighthandheheldsomething，andhewashedthatintherivertoo。Itwasmoney。Hechinkeditonce，andheblewuponitonce，andhespatuponitonce，——'forluck，'hehoarselysaid——beforeheputitinhispocket。
　　'Lizzie！'
　　Thegirlturnedherfacetowardshimwithastart，androwedinsilence。Herfacewasverypale。Hewasahook-nosedman，andwiththatandhisbrighteyesandhisruffledhead，boreacertainlikenesstoarousedbirdofprey。
　　'Takethatthingoffyourface。'
　　Sheputitback。
　　'Here！andgivemeholdofthesculls。I'lltaketherestofthespell。'
　　'No，no，father！No！Ican'tindeed。Father！——Icannotsitsonearit！'
　　Hewasmovingtowardshertochangeplaces，butherterrifiedexpostulationstoppedhimandheresumedhisseat。
　　'Whathurtcanitdoyou?'
　　'None，none。ButIcannotbearit。'
　　'It'smybeliefyouhatethesightoftheveryriver。'
　　'I——Idonotlikeit，father。'
　　'Asifitwasn'tyourliving！Asifitwasn'tmeatanddrinktoyou！'
　　Attheselatterwordsthegirlshiveredagain，andforamomentpausedinherrowing，seemingtoturndeadlyfaint。Itescapedhisattention，forhewasglancingoverthesternatsomethingtheboathadintow。
　　'Howcanyoubesothanklesstoyourbestfriend，Lizzie?Theveryfirethatwarmedyouwhenyouwereababby，waspickedoutoftheriveralongsidethecoalbarges。Theverybasketthatyousleptin，thetidewashedashore。TheveryrockersthatIputitupontomakeacradleofit，Icutoutofapieceofwoodthatdriftedfromsomeshiporanother。'
　　Lizzietookherrighthandfromthescullitheld，andtouchedherlipswithit，andforamomenthelditoutlovinglytowardshim:
　　then，withoutspeaking，sheresumedherrowing，asanotherboatofsimilarappearance，thoughinratherbettertrim，cameoutfromadarkplaceanddroppedsoftlyalongside。
　　'Inluckagain，Gaffer?'saidamanwithasquintingleer，whosculledherandwhowasalone，'Iknow'dyouwasinluckagain，byyourwakeasyoucomedown。'
　　'Ah！'repliedtheother，drily。'Soyou'reout，areyou?'
　　'Yes，pardner。'
　　Therewasnowatenderyellowmoonlightontheriver，andthenewcomer，keepinghalfhisboat'slengthasternoftheotherboatlookedhardatitstrack。
　　'Isaystomyself，'hewenton，'directlyyouhoveinview，yonder'sGaffer，andinluckagain，byGeorgeifheain't！Scullitis，pardner——don'tfretyourself——Ididn'ttouchhim。'ThiswasinanswertoaquickimpatientmovementonthepartofGaffer:thespeakeratthesametimeunshippinghisscullonthatside，andlayinghishandonthegunwaleofGaffer'sboatandholdingtoit。
　　'He'shadtouchesenoughnottowantnomore，aswellasImakehimout，Gaffer！Beenaknockingaboutwithaprettymanytides，ain'thepardner?Suchismyout-of-luckways，yousee！Hemusthavepassedmewhenhewentuplasttime，forIwasonthelookoutbelowbridgehere。Ia'mostthinkyou'relikethewulturs，pardner，andscent'emout。'
　　Hespokeinadroppedvoice，andwithmorethanoneglanceatLizziewhohadpulledonherhoodagain。BothmenthenlookedwithaweirdunholyinterestinthewakeofGaffer'sboat。
　　'Easydoesit，betwixtus。ShallItakehimaboard，pardner?'
　　'No，'saidtheother。Insosurlyatonethattheman，afterablankstare，acknowledgeditwiththeretort:
　　'——Arn'tbeeneatingnothingashasdisagreedwithyou，haveyou，pardner?'
　　'Why，yes，Ihave，'saidGaffer。'Ihavebeenswallowingtoomuchofthatword，Pardner。Iamnopardnerofyours。'
　　'Sincewhenwasyounopardnerofmine，GafferHexamEsquire?'
　　'Sinceyouwasaccusedofrobbingaman。Accusedofrobbingaliveman！'saidGaffer，withgreatindignation。
　　'AndwhatifIhadbeenaccusedofrobbingadeadman，Gaffer?'
　　'YouCOULDN'Tdoit。'
　　'Couldn'tyou，Gaffer?'
　　'No。Hasadeadmananyuseformoney?Isitpossibleforadeadmantohavemoney?Whatworlddoesadeadmanbelongto?
　　'Totherworld。Whatworlddoesmoneybelongto?Thisworld。
　　Howcanmoneybeacorpse's?Canacorpseownit，wantit，spendit，claimit，missit?Don'ttrytogoconfoundingtherightsandwrongsofthingsinthatway。Butit'sworthyofthesneakingspiritthatrobsaliveman。'
　　'I'lltellyouwhatitis。'
　　'Noyouwon't。I'lltellyouwhatitis。Yougotoffwithashorttimeofitforputtingyou'rehandinthepocketofasailor，alivesailor。
　　Makethemostofitandthinkyourselflucky，butdon'tthinkafterthattocomeoverMEwithyourpardners。Wehaveworkedtogetherintimepast，butweworktogethernomoreintimepresentnoryetfuture。Letgo。Castoff！'
　　'Gaffer！Ifyouthinktogetridofmethisway。'
　　'IfIdon'tgetridofyouthisway，I'lltryanother，andchopyouoverthefingerswiththestretcher，ortakeapickatyourheadwiththeboat-hook。Castoff！Pullyou，Lizzie。Pullhome，sinceyouwon'tletyourfatherpull。'
　　Lizzieshotahead，andtheotherboatfellastern。Lizzie'sfather，composinghimselfintotheeasyattitudeofonewhohadassertedthehighmoralitiesandtakenanunassailableposition，slowlylightedapipe，andsmoked，andtookasurveyofwhathehadintow。Whathehadintow，lungeditselfathimsometimesinanawfulmannerwhentheboatwaschecked，andsometimesseemedtotrytowrenchitselfaway，thoughforthemostpartitfollowedsubmissively。Aneophytemighthavefanciedthattheripplespassingoveritweredreadfullylikefaintchangesofexpressiononasightlessface；butGafferwasnoneophyteandhadnofancies。
　　Chapter2
　　THEMANFROMSOMEWHERE
　　MrandMrsVeneeringwerebran-newpeopleinabran-newhouseinabran-newquarterofLondon。EverythingabouttheVeneeringswasspickandspannew。Alltheirfurniturewasnew，alltheirfriendswerenew，alltheirservantswerenew，theirplatewasnew，theircarriagewasnew，theirharnesswasnew，theirhorseswerenew，theirpictureswerenew，theythemselveswerenew，theywereasnewlymarriedaswaslawfullycompatiblewiththeirhavingabran-newbaby，andiftheyhadsetupagreat-grandfather，hewouldhavecomehomeinmattingfromthePantechnicon，withoutascratchuponhim，Frenchpolishedtothecrownofhishead。
　　For，intheVeneeringestablishment，fromthehall-chairswiththenewcoatofarms，tothegrandpianofortewiththenewaction，andupstairsagaintothenewfire-escape，allthingswereinastateofhighvarnishandpolish。Andwhatwasobservableinthefurniture，wasobservableintheVeneerings——thesurfacesmeltalittletoomuchoftheworkshopandwasatriflesticky。
　　Therewasaninnocentpieceofdinner-furniturethatwentuponeasycastorsandwaskeptoveraliverystable-yardinDukeStreet，SaintJames's，whennotinuse，towhomtheVeneeringswereasourceofblindconfusion。ThenameofthisarticlewasTwemlow。
　　BeingfirstcousintoLordSnigsworth，hewasinfrequentrequisition，andatmanyhousesmightbesaidtorepresentthedining-tableinitsnormalstate。MrandMrsVeneering，forexample，arrangingadinner，habituallystartedwithTwemlow，andthenputleavesinhim，oraddedgueststohim。Sometimes，thetableconsistedofTwemlowandhalfadozenleaves；
　　sometimes，ofTwemlowandadozenleaves；sometimes，Twemlowwaspulledouttohisutmostextentoftwentyleaves。MrandMrsVeneeringonoccasionsofceremonyfacedeachotherinthecentreoftheboard，andthustheparallelstillheld；for，italwayshappenedthatthemoreTwemlowwaspulledout，thefurtherhefoundhimselffromthecenter，andnearertothesideboardatoneendoftheroom，orthewindow-curtainsattheother。
　　But，itwasnotthiswhichsteepedthefeeblesoulofTwemlowinconfusion。Thishewasusedto，andcouldtakesoundingsof。Theabysstowhichhecouldfindnobottom，andfromwhichstartedforththeengrossingandever-swellingdifficultyofhislife，wastheinsolublequestionwhetherhewasVeneering'soldestfriend，ornewestfriend。Totheexcogitationofthisproblem，theharmlessgentlemanhaddevotedmanyanxioushours，bothinhislodgingsovertheliverystable-yard，andinthecoldgloom，favourabletomeditation，ofSaintJames'sSquare。Thus。TwemlowhadfirstknownVeneeringathisclub，whereVeneeringthenknewnobodybutthemanwhomadethemknowntooneanother，whoseemedtobethemostintimatefriendhehadintheworld，andwhomhehadknowntwodays——thebondofunionbetweentheirsouls，thenefariousconductofthecommitteerespectingthecookeryofafilletofveal，havingbeenaccidentallycementedatthatdate。
　　Immediatelyuponthis，TwemlowreceivedaninvitationtodinewithVeneering，anddined:themanbeingoftheparty。
　　Immediatelyuponthat，Twemlowreceivedaninvitationtodinewiththeman，anddined:Veneeringbeingoftheparty。Attheman'swereaMember，anEngineer，aPayer-offoftheNationalDebt，aPoemonShakespeare，aGrievance，andaPublicOffice，whoallseemtobeutterstrangerstoVeneering。Andyetimmediatelyafterthat，TwemlowreceivedaninvitationtodineatVeneerings，expresslytomeettheMember，theEngineer，thePayer-offoftheNationalDebt，thePoemonShakespeare，theGrievance，andthePublicOffice，and，dining，discoveredthatallofthemwerethemostintimatefriendsVeneeringhadintheworld，andthatthewivesofallofthemwhowereallthereweretheobjectsofMrsVeneering'smostdevotedaffectionandtenderconfidence。
　　Thusithadcomeabout，thatMrTwemlowhadsaidtohimselfinhislodgings，withhishandtohisforehead:'Imustnotthinkofthis。Thisisenoughtosoftenanyman'sbrain，'——andyetwasalwaysthinkingofit，andcouldneverformaconclusion。
　　ThiseveningtheVeneeringsgiveabanquet。ElevenleavesintheTwemlow；fourteenincompanyalltold。Fourpigeon-breastedretainersinplainclothesstandinlineinthehall。Afifthretainer，proceedingupthestaircasewithamournfulair——aswhoshouldsay，'Hereisanotherwretchedcreaturecometodinner；suchislife！'——announces，'Mis-terTwemlow！'
　　MrsVeneeringwelcomeshersweetMrTwemlow。MrVeneeringwelcomeshisdearTwemlow。MrsVeneeringdoesnotexpectthatMrTwemlowcaninnaturecaremuchforsuchinsipidthingsasbabies，butsooldafriendmustpleasetolookatbaby。'Ah！Youwillknowthefriendofyourfamilybetter，Tootleums，'saysMrVeneering，noddingemotionallyatthatnewarticle，'whenyoubegintotakenotice。'HethenbegstomakehisdearTwemlowknowntohistwofriends，MrBootsandMrBrewer——andclearlyhasnodistinctideawhichiswhich。
　　Butnowafearfulcircumstanceoccurs。
　　'Mis-terandMis-susPodsnap！'
　　'Mydear，'saysMrVeneeringtoMrsVeneering，withanairofmuchfriendlyinterest，whilethedoorstandsopen，'thePodsnaps。'
　　Atoo，toosmilinglargeman，withafatalfreshnessonhim，appearingwithhiswife，instantlydesertshiswifeanddartsatTwemlowwith:
　　'Howdoyoudo?Sogladtoknowyou。Charminghouseyouhavehere。Ihopewearenotlate。Sogladoftheopportunity，Iamsure！'
　　Whenthefirstshockfelluponhim，Twemlowtwiceskippedbackinhisneatlittleshoesandhisneatlittlesilkstockingsofabygonefashion，asifimpelledtoleapoverasofabehindhim；butthelargemanclosedwithhimandprovedtoostrong。
　　'Letme，'saysthelargeman，tryingtoattracttheattentionofhiswifeinthedistance，'havethepleasureofpresentingMrsPodsnaptoherhost。Shewillbe，'inhisfatalfreshnessheseemstofindperpetualverdureandeternalyouthinthephrase，'shewillbesogladoftheopportunity，Iamsure！'
　　Inthemeantime，MrsPodsnap，unabletooriginateamistakeonherownaccount，becauseMrsVeneeringistheonlyotherladythere，doesherbestinthewayofhandsomelysupportingherhusband's，bylookingtowardsMrTwemlowwithaplaintivecountenanceandremarkingtoMrsVeneeringinafeelingmanner，firstly，thatshefearshehasbeenratherbiliousoflate，and，secondly，thatthebabyisalreadyverylikehim。
　　Itisquestionablewhetheranymanquiterelishesbeingmistakenforanyotherman；but，MrVeneeringhavingthisveryeveningsetuptheshirt-frontoftheyoungAntinousinnewworkedcambricjustcomehome，isnotatallcomplimentedbybeingsupposedtobeTwemlow，whoisdryandweazenandsomethirtyyearsolder。
　　MrsVeneeringequallyresentstheimputationofbeingthewifeofTwemlow。AstoTwemlow，heissosensibleofbeingamuchbetterbredmanthanVeneering，thatheconsidersthelargemananoffensiveass。
　　Inthiscomplicateddilemma，MrVeneeringapproachesthelargemanwithextendedhandand，smilinglyassuresthatincorrigiblepersonagethatheisdelightedtoseehim:whoinhisfatalfreshnessinstantlyreplies:
　　'Thankyou。IamashamedtosaythatIcannotatthismomentrecallwherewemet，butIamsogladofthisopportunity，Iamsure！'
　　ThenpouncinguponTwemlow，whoholdsbackwithallhisfeeblemight，heishalinghimofftopresenthim，asVeneering，toMrsPodsnap，whenthearrivalofmoreguestsunravelsthemistake。
　　Whereupon，havingre-shakenhandswithVeneeringasVeneering，here-shakeshandswithTwemlowasTwemlow，andwindsitalluptohisownperfectsatisfactionbysayingtothelast-named，'Ridiculousopportunity——butsogladofit，Iamsure！'
　　Now，Twemlowhavingundergonethisterrificexperience，havinglikewisenotedthefusionofBootsinBrewerandBrewerinBoots，andhavingfurtherobservedthatoftheremainingsevenguestsfourdiscretecharactersenterwithwanderingeyesandwhollydeclinedtocommitthemselvesastowhichisVeneering，untilVeneeringhastheminhisgrasp；——Twemlowhavingprofitedbythesestudies，findshisbrainwholesomelyhardeningasheapproachestheconclusionthathereallyisVeneering'soldestfriend，whenhisbrainsoftensagainandallislost，throughhiseyesencounteringVeneeringandthelargemanlinkedtogetherastwinbrothersinthebackdrawing-roomneartheconservatorydoor，andthroughhisearsinforminghiminthetonesofMrsVeneeringthatthesamelargemanistobebaby'sgodfather。
　　'Dinnerisonthetable！'
　　Thusthemelancholyretainer，aswhoshouldsay，'Comedownandbepoisoned，yeunhappychildrenofmen！'
　　Twemlow，havingnoladyassignedhim，goesdownintherear，withhishandtohisforehead。BootsandBrewer，thinkinghimindisposed，whisper，'Manfaint。Hadnolunch。'Butheisonlystunnedbytheunvanquishabledifficultyofhisexistence。
　　Revivedbysoup，TwemlowdiscoursesmildlyoftheCourtCircularwithBootsandBrewer。Isappealedto，atthefishstageofthebanquet，byVeneering，onthedisputedquestionwhetherhiscousinLordSnigsworthisinoroutoftown?Givesitthathiscousinisoutoftown。'AtSnigsworthyPark?'Veneeringinquires。
　　'AtSnigsworthy，'Twemlowrejoins。BootsandBrewerregardthisasamantobecultivated；andVeneeringisclearthatheisarenumerativearticle。Meantimetheretainergoesround，likeagloomyAnalyticalChemist:alwaysseemingtosay，after'Chablis，sir?'——'Youwouldn'tifyouknewwhatit'smadeof。'
　　Thegreatlooking-glassabovethesideboard，reflectsthetableandthecompany。ReflectsthenewVeneeringcrest，ingoldandekeinsilver，frostedandalsothawed，acamelofallwork。TheHeralds'
　　CollegefoundoutaCrusadingancestorforVeneeringwhoboreacamelonhisshieldormighthavedoneitifhehadthoughtofit，andacaravanofcamelstakechargeofthefruitsandflowersandcandles，andkneeldownbeloadedwiththesalt。ReflectsVeneering；forty，wavy-haired，dark，tendingtocorpulence，sly，mysterious，filmy——akindofsufficientlywell-lookingveiled-
　　prophet，notprophesying。ReflectsMrsVeneering；fair，aquiline-
　　nosedandfingered，notsomuchlighthairasshemighthave，gorgeousinraimentandjewels，enthusiastic，propitiatory，consciousthatacornerofherhusband'sveilisoverherself。
　　ReflectsPodsnap；prosperouslyfeeding，twolittlelight-colouredwirywings，oneoneithersideofhiselsebaldhead，lookingaslikehishairbrushesashishair，dissolvingviewofredbeadsonhisforehead，largeallowanceofcrumpledshirt-collarupbehind。
　　ReflectsMrsPodsnap；finewomanforProfessorOwen，quantityofbone，neckandnostrilslikearocking-horse，hardfeatures，majestichead-dressinwhichPodsnaphashunggoldenofferings。
　　ReflectsTwemlow；grey，dry，polite，susceptibletoeastwind，First-Gentleman-in-Europecollarandcravat，cheeksdrawninasifhehadmadeagreatefforttoretireintohimselfsomeyearsago，andhadgotsofarandhadnevergotanyfarther。Reflectsmatureyounglady；ravenlocks，andcomplexionthatlightsupwellwhenwellpowdered——asitis——carryingonconsiderablyinthecaptivationofmatureyounggentleman；withtoomuchnoseinhisface，toomuchgingerinhiswhiskers，toomuchtorsoinhiswaistcoat，toomuchsparkleinhisstuds，hiseyes，hisbuttons，histalk，andhisteeth。ReflectscharmingoldLadyTippinsonVeneering'sright；
　　withanimmenseobtusedraboblongface，likeafaceinatablespoon，andadyedLongWalkupthetopofherhead，asaconvenientpublicapproachtothebunchoffalsehairbehind，pleasedtopatronizeMrsVeneeringopposite，whoispleasedtobepatronized。Reflectsacertain'Mortimer'，anotherofVeneering'soldestfriends；whoneverwasinthehousebefore，andappearsnottowanttocomeagain，whositsdisconsolateonMrsVeneering'sleft，andwhowasinveigledbyLadyTippinsafriendofhisboyhoodtocometothesepeople'sandtalk，andwhowon'ttalk。
　　ReflectsEugene，friendofMortimer；buriedaliveinthebackofhischair，behindashoulder——withapowder-epauletteonit——ofthematureyounglady，andgloomilyresortingtothechampagnechalicewheneverprofferedbytheAnalyticalChemist。Lastly，thelooking-glassreflectsBootsandBrewer，andtwootherstuffedBuffersinterposedbetweentherestofthecompanyandpossibleaccidents。
　　TheVeneeringdinnersareexcellentdinners——ornewpeoplewouldn'tcome——andallgoeswell。Notably，LadyTippinshasmadeaseriesofexperimentsonherdigestivefunctions，soextremelycomplicatedanddaring，thatiftheycouldbepublishedwiththeirresultsitmightbenefitthehumanrace。Havingtakeninprovisionsfromallpartsoftheworld，thishardyoldcruiserhaslasttouchedattheNorthPole，when，astheice-platesarebeingremoved，thefollowingwordsfallfromher:
　　'Iassureyou，mydearVeneering——'
　　PoorTwemlow'shandapproacheshisforehead，foritwouldseemnow，thatLadyTippinsisgoingtobetheoldestfriend。
　　'Iassureyou，mydearVeneering，thatitistheoddestaffair！Liketheadvertisingpeople，Idon'taskyoutotrustme，withoutofferingarespectablereference。Mortimerthere，ismyreference，andknowsallaboutit。'
　　Mortimerraiseshisdroopingeyelids，andslightlyopenshismouth。Butafaintsmile，expressiveof'What'stheuse！'passesoverhisface，andhedropshiseyelidsandshutshismouth。
　　'Now，Mortimer，'saysLadyTippins，rappingthesticksofherclosedgreenfanupontheknucklesofherlefthand——whichisparticularlyrichinknuckles，'IinsistuponyourtellingallthatistobetoldaboutthemanfromJamaica。'
　　'GiveyoumyhonourIneverheardofanymanfromJamaica，exceptthemanwhowasabrother，'repliesMortimer。
　　'Tobago，then。'
　　'NoryetfromTobago。'
　　'Except，'Eugenestrikesin:sounexpectedlythatthematureyounglady，whohasforgottenallabouthim，withastarttakestheepauletteoutofhisway:'exceptourfriendwholonglivedonrice-
　　puddingandisinglass，tillatlengthtohissomethingorother，hisphysiciansaidsomethingelse，andalegofmuttonsomehowendedindaygo。'
　　ArevivingimpressiongoesroundthetablethatEugeneiscomingout。Anunfulfilledimpression，forhegoesinagain。
　　'Now，mydearMrsVeneering，'quothLadyTippins，Iappealtoyouwhetherthisisnotthebasestconducteverknowninthisworld?Icarrymyloversabout，twoorthreeatatime，onconditionthattheyareveryobedientanddevoted；andhereismyoldestlover-in-chief，theheadofallmyslaves，throwingoffhisallegiancebeforecompany！Andhereisanotherofmylovers，aroughCymonatpresentcertainly，butofwhomIhadmosthopefulexpectationsastohisturningoutwellincourseoftime，pretendingthathecan'trememberhisnurseryrhymes！Onpurposetoannoyme，forheknowshowIdoatuponthem！'
　　AgrislylittlefictionconcerningherloversisLadyTippins'spoint。
　　Sheisalwaysattendedbyaloverortwo，andshekeepsalittlelistofherlovers，andsheisalwaysbookinganewlover，orstrikingoutanoldlover，orputtingaloverinherblacklist，orpromotingalovertoherbluelist，oraddingupherlovers，orotherwisepostingherbook。MrsVeneeringischarmedbythehumour，andsoisVeneering。PerhapsitisenhancedbyacertainyellowplayinLadyTippins'sthroat，likethelegsofscratchingpoultry。
　　'Ibanishthefalsewretchfromthismoment，andIstrikehimoutofmyCupidonmynameformyLedger，mydear，thisverynight。
　　ButIamresolvedtohavetheaccountofthemanfromSomewhere，andIbegyoutoelicititforme，mylove，'toMrsVeneering，'asI
　　havelostmyowninfluence。Oh，youperjuredman！'ThistoMortimer，witharattleofherfan。
　　'WeareallverymuchinterestedinthemanfromSomewhere，'
　　Veneeringobserves。
　　ThenthefourBuffers，takingheartofgraceallfouratonce，say:
　　'Deeplyinterested！'
　　'Quiteexcited！'
　　'Dramatic！'
　　'ManfromNowhere，perhaps！'
　　AndthenMrsVeneering——fortheLadyTippins'swinningwilesarecontagious——foldsherhandsinthemannerofasupplicatingchild，turnstoherleftneighbour，andsays，'Tease！Pay！ManfromTumwhere！'AtwhichthefourBuffers，againmysteriouslymovedallfouratonce，explain，'Youcan'tresist！'
　　'Uponmylife，'saysMortimerlanguidly，'IfinditimmenselyembarrassingtohavetheeyesofEuropeuponmetothisextent，andmyonlyconsolationisthatyouwillallofyouexecrateLadyTippinsinyoursecretheartswhenyoufind，asyouinevitablywill，themanfromSomewhereabore。Sorrytodestroyromancebyfixinghimwithalocalhabitation，buthecomesfromtheplace，thenameofwhichescapesme，butwillsuggestitselftoeverybodyelsehere，wheretheymakethewine。'
　　Eugenesuggests'DayandMartin's。'
　　'No，notthatplace，'returnstheunmovedMortimer，'that'swheretheymakethePort。MymancomesfromthecountrywheretheymaketheCapeWine。Butlookhere，oldfellow；itsnotatallstatisticalandit'sratherodd。'
　　ItisalwaysnoticeableatthetableoftheVeneerings，thatnomantroubleshimselfmuchabouttheVeneeringsthemselves，andthatanyonewhohasanythingtotell，generallytellsittoanybodyelseinpreference。
　　'Theman，'Mortimergoeson，addressingEugene，'whosenameisHarmon，wasonlysonofatremendousoldrascalwhomadehismoneybyDust。'
　　'Redvelveteensandabell?'thegloomyEugeneinquires。
　　'Andaladderandbasketifyoulike。Bywhichmeans，orbyothers，hegrewrichasaDustContractor，andlivedinahollowinahillycountryentirelycomposedofDust。Onhisownsmallestatethegrowlingoldvagabondthrewuphisownmountainrange，likeanoldvolcano，anditsgeologicalformationwasDust。Coal-dust，vegetable-dust，bone-dust，crockerydust，roughdustandsifteddust，——allmannerofDust。'
　　ApassingremembranceofMrsVeneering，hereinducesMortimertoaddresshisnexthalf-dozenwordstoher；afterwhichhewandersawayagain，triesTwemlowandfindshedoesn'tanswer，ultimatelytakesupwiththeBufferswhoreceivehimenthusiastically。
　　'Themoralbeing——Ibelievethat'stherightexpression——ofthisexemplaryperson，deriveditshighestgratificationfromanathematizinghisnearestrelationsandturningthemoutofdoors。
　　Havingbegunaswasnaturalbyrenderingtheseattentionstothewifeofhisbosom，henextfoundhimselfatleisuretobestowasimilarrecognitionontheclaimsofhisdaughter。Hechoseahusbandforher，entirelytohisownsatisfactionandnotintheleasttohers，andproceededtosettleuponher，ashermarriageportion，I
　　don'tknowhowmuchDust，butsomethingimmense。AtthisstageoftheaffairthepoorgirlrespectfullyintimatedthatshewassecretlyengagedtothatpopularcharacterwhomthenovelistsandversifierscallAnother，andthatsuchamarriagewouldmakeDustofherheartandDustofherlife——inshort，wouldsetherup，onaveryextensivescale，inherfather'sbusiness。Immediately，thevenerableparent——onacoldwinter'snight，itissaid——
　　anathematizedandturnedherout。'
　　Here，theAnalyticalChemistwhohasevidentlyformedaverylowopinionofMortimer'sstoryconcedesalittleclarettotheBuffers；
　　who，againmysteriouslymovedallfouratonce，screwitslowlyintothemselveswithapeculiartwistofenjoyment，astheycryinchorus，'Praygoon。'
　　'ThepecuniaryresourcesofAnotherwere，astheyusuallyare，ofaverylimitednature。IbelieveIamnotusingtoostronganexpressionwhenIsaythatAnotherwashardup。However，hemarriedtheyounglady，andtheylivedinahumbledwelling，probablypossessingaporchornamentedwithhoneysuckleandwoodbinetwining，untilshedied。ImustreferyoutotheRegistraroftheDistrictinwhichthehumbledwellingwassituated，forthecertifiedcauseofdeath；butearlysorrowandanxietymayhavehadtodowithit，thoughtheymaynotappearintheruledpagesandprintedforms。IndisputablythiswasthecasewithAnother，forhewassocutupbythelossofhisyoungwifethatifheoutlivedherayearitwasasmuchashedid。'
　　ThereisthatintheindolentMortimer，whichseemstohintthatifgoodsocietymightonanyaccountallowitselftobeimpressible，he，oneofgoodsociety，mighthavetheweaknesstobeimpressedbywhathehererelates。Itishiddenwithgreatpains，butitisinhim。ThegloomyEugenetoo，isnotwithoutsomekindredtouch；
　　for，whenthatappallingLadyTippinsdeclaresthatifAnotherhadsurvived，heshouldhavegonedownattheheadofherlistoflovers——andalsowhenthematureyoungladyshrugsherepaulettes，andlaughsatsomeprivateandconfidentialcommentfromthematureyounggentleman——hisgloomdeepenstothatdegreethathetriflesquiteferociouslywithhisdessert-knife。
　　Mortimerproceeds。
　　'Wemustnowreturn，asnovelistssay，andasweallwishtheywouldn't，tothemanfromSomewhere。Beingaboyoffourteen，cheaplyeducatedatBrusselswhenhissister'sexpulsionbefell，itwassomelittletimebeforeheheardofit——probablyfromherself，forthemotherwasdead；butthatIdon'tknow。Instantly，heabsconded，andcameoverhere。Hemusthavebeenaboyofspiritandresource，togethereonastoppedallowanceoffivesousaweek；buthediditsomehow，andheburstinonhisfather，andpleadedhissister'scause。Venerableparentpromptlyresortstoanathematization，andturnshimout。Shockedandterrifiedboytakesflight，seekshisfortune，getsaboardship，ultimatelyturnsupondrylandamongtheCapewine:smallproprietor，farmer，grower——whateveryouliketocallit。'
　　Atthisjuncture，shufflingisheardinthehall，andtappingisheardatthedining-roomdoor。AnalyticalChemistgoestothedoor，confersangrilywithunseentapper，appearstobecomemollifiedbydescryingreasoninthetapping，andgoesout。
　　'Sohewasdiscovered，onlytheotherday，afterhavingbeenexpatriatedaboutfourteenyears。'
　　ABuffer，suddenlyastoundingtheotherthree，bydetachinghimself，andassertingindividuality，inquires:'Howdiscovered，andwhy?'
　　'Ah！Tobesure。Thankyouforremindingme。Venerableparentdies。'
　　SameBuffer，emboldenedbysuccess，says:'When?'
　　'Theotherday。Tenortwelvemonthsago。'
　　SameBufferinquireswithsmartness，'Whatof?'Buthereinperishesamelancholyexample；beingregardedbythethreeotherBufferswithastonystare，andattractingnofurtherattentionfromanymortal。
　　'Venerableparent，'MortimerrepeatswithapassingremembrancethatthereisaVeneeringattable，andforthefirsttimeaddressinghim——'dies。'
　　ThegratifiedVeneeringrepeats，gravely，'dies'；andfoldshisarms，andcomposeshisbrowtohearitoutinajudicialmanner，whenhefindshimselfagaindesertedinthebleakworld。
　　'Hiswillisfound，'saidMortimer，catchingMrsPodsnap'srocking-
　　horse'seye。'Itisdatedverysoonaftertheson'sflight。Itleavesthelowestoftherangeofdust-mountains，withsomesortofadwelling-houseatitsfoot，toanoldservantwhoissoleexecutor，andalltherestoftheproperty——whichisveryconsiderable——totheson。Hedirectshimselftobeburiedwithcertaineccentricceremoniesandprecautionsagainsthiscomingtolife，withwhichIneednotboreyou，andthat'sall——except——'andthisendsthestory。
　　TheAnalyticalChemistreturning，everybodylooksathim。Notbecauseanybodywantstoseehim，butbecauseofthatsubtleinfluenceinnaturewhichimpelshumanitytoembracetheslightestopportunityoflookingatanything，ratherthanthepersonwhoaddressesit。
　　'——Exceptthattheson'sinheritingismadeconditionalonhismarryingagirl，whoatthedateofthewill，wasachildoffourorfiveyearsold，andwhoisnowamarriageableyoungwoman。
　　AdvertisementandinquirydiscoveredthesoninthemanfromSomewhere，andatthepresentmoment，heisonhiswayhomefromthere——nodoubt，inastateofgreatastonishment——tosucceedtoaverylargefortune，andtotakeawife。'
　　MrsPodsnapinquireswhethertheyoungpersonisayoungpersonofpersonalcharms?Mortimerisunabletoreport。
　　MrPodsnapinquireswhatwouldbecomeoftheverylargefortune，intheeventofthemarriageconditionnotbeingfulfilled?
　　Mortimerreplies，thatbyspecialtestamentaryclauseitwouldthengototheoldservantabovementioned，passingoverandexcludingtheson；also，thatifthesonhadnotbeenliving，thesameoldservantwouldhavebeensoleresiduarylegatee。
　　MrsVeneeringhasjustsucceededinwakingLadyTippinsfromasnore，bydexterouslyshuntingatrainofplatesanddishesatherknucklesacrossthetable；wheneverybodybutMortimerhimselfbecomesawarethattheAnalyticalChemistis，inaghostlymanner，offeringhimafoldedpaper。CuriositydetainsMrsVeneeringafewmoments。
　　Mortimer，inspiteofalltheartsofthechemist，placidlyrefresheshimselfwithaglassofMadeira，andremainsunconsciousoftheDocumentwhichengrossesthegeneralattention，untilLadyTippinswhohasahabitofwakingtotallyinsensible，havingrememberedwheresheis，andrecoveredaperceptionofsurroundingobjects，says:'FalsermanthanDonJuan；whydon'tyoutakethenotefromthecommendatore?'Uponwhich，thechemistadvancesitunderthenoseofMortimer，wholooksroundathim，andsays:
　　'What'sthis?'
　　AnalyticalChemistbendsandwhispers。
　　'WHO?'SaysMortimer。
　　AnalyticalChemistagainbendsandwhispers。
　　Mortimerstaresathim，andunfoldsthepaper。Readsit，readsittwice，turnsitovertolookattheblankoutside，readsitathirdtime。
　　'Thisarrivesinanextraordinarilyopportunemanner，'saysMortimerthen，lookingwithanalteredfaceroundthetable:'thisistheconclusionofthestoryoftheidenticalman。'
　　'Alreadymarried?'oneguesses。
　　'Declinestomarry?'anotherguesses。
　　'Codicilamongthedust?'anotherguesses。
　　'Why，no，'saysMortimer；'remarkablething，youareallwrong。
　　ThestoryiscompleterandrathermoreexcitingthanIsupposed。
　　Man'sdrowned！'
　　Chapter3
　　ANOTHERMAN
　　AsthedisappearingskirtsoftheladiesascendedtheVeneeringstaircase，Mortimer，followingthemforthfromthedining-room，turnedintoalibraryofbran-newbooks，inbran-newbindingsliberallygilded，andrequestedtoseethemessengerwhohadbroughtthepaper。Hewasaboyofaboutfifteen。Mortimerlookedattheboy，andtheboylookedatthebran-newpilgrimsonthewall，goingtoCanterburyinmoregoldframethanprocession，andmorecarvingthancountry。
　　'Whosewritingisthis?'
　　'Mine，sir。'
　　'Whotoldyoutowriteit?'
　　'Myfather，JesseHexam。'
　　'Isithewhofoundthebody?'
　　'Yes，sir。'
　　'Whatisyourfather?'
　　Theboyhesitated，lookedreproachfullyatthepilgrimsasiftheyhadinvolvedhiminalittledifficulty，thensaid，foldingaplaitintherightlegofhistrousers，'Hegetshislivingalong-shore。'
　　'Isitfar?'
　　'Iswhichfar?'askedtheboy，uponhisguard，andagainupontheroadtoCanterbury。
　　'Toyourfather's?'
　　'It'sagoodishstretch，sir。Icomeupinacab，andthecab'swaitingtobepaid。Wecouldgobackinitbeforeyoupaidit，ifyouliked。Iwentfirsttoyouroffice，accordingtothedirectionofthepapersfoundinthepockets，andthereIseenobodybutachapofaboutmyagewhosentmeonhere。'
　　Therewasacuriousmixtureintheboy，ofuncompletedsavagery，anduncompletedcivilization。Hisvoicewashoarseandcoarse，andhisfacewascoarse，andhisstuntedfigurewascoarse；buthewascleanerthanotherboysofhistype；andhiswriting，thoughlargeandround，wasgood；andheglancedatthebacksofthebooks，withanawakenedcuriositythatwentbelowthebinding。
　　Noonewhocanread，everlooksatabook，evenunopenedonashelf，likeonewhocannot。
　　'Wereanymeanstaken，doyouknow，boy，toascertainifitwaspossibletorestorelife?'Mortimerinquired，ashesoughtforhishat。
　　'Youwouldn'task，sir，ifyouknewhisstate。Pharaoh'smultitudethatweredrownedintheRedSea，ain'tmorebeyondrestoringtolife。IfLazaruswasonlyhalfasfargone，thatwasthegreatestofallthemiracles。'
　　'Halloa！'criedMortimer，turningroundwithhishatuponhishead，'youseemtobeathomeintheRedSea，myyoungfriend?'
　　'Readofitwithteacherattheschool，'saidtheboy。
　　'AndLazarus?'
　　'Yes，andhimtoo。Butdon'tyoutellmyfather！Weshouldhavenopeaceinourplace，ifthatgottouchedupon。It'smysister'scontriving。'
　　'Youseemtohaveagoodsister。'
　　'Sheain'thalfbad，'saidtheboy；'butifsheknowsherlettersit'sthemostshedoes——andthemIlearnedher。'
　　ThegloomyEugene，withhishandsinhispockets，hadstrolledinandassistedatthelatterpartofthedialogue；whentheboyspokethesewordsslightinglyofhissister，hetookhimroughlyenoughbythechin，andturneduphisfacetolookatit。
　　'Well，I'msure，sir！'saidtheboy，resisting；'Ihopeyou'llknowmeagain。'
　　Eugenevouchsafednoanswer；butmadetheproposaltoMortimer，'I'llgowithyou，ifyoulike?'So，theyallthreewentawaytogetherinthevehiclethathadbroughttheboy；thetwofriendsonceboystogetheratapublicschoolinside，smokingcigars；themessengerontheboxbesidethedriver。
　　'Letmesee，'saidMortimer，astheywentalong；'Ihavebeen，Eugene，uponthehonourablerollofsolicitorsoftheHighCourtofChancery，andattorneysatCommonLaw，fiveyears；and——exceptgratuitouslytakinginstructions，onanaverageonceafortnight，forthewillofLadyTippinswhohasnothingtoleave——Ihavehadnoscrapofbusinessbutthisromanticbusiness。'
　　'AndI，'saidEugene，'havebeen“called“sevenyears，andhavehadnobusinessatall，andnevershallhaveany。AndifIhad，I
　　shouldn'tknowhowtodoit。'
　　'Iamfarfrombeingclearastothelastparticular，'returnedMortimer，withgreatcomposure，'thatIhavemuchadvantageoveryou。'
　　'Ihate，'saidEugene，puttinghislegsupontheoppositeseat，'I
　　hatemyprofession。'
　　'ShallIincommodeyou，ifIputmineuptoo?'returnedMortimer。
　　'Thankyou。Ihatemine。'
　　'Itwasforceduponme，'saidthegloomyEugene，'becauseitwasunderstoodthatwewantedabarristerinthefamily。Wehavegotapreciousone。'
　　'Itwasforceduponme，'saidMortimer，'becauseitwasunderstoodthatwewantedasolicitorinthefamily。Andwehavegotapreciousone。'
　　'Therearefourofus，withournamespaintedonadoor-postinrightofoneblackholecalledasetofchambers，'saidEugene；'andeachofushasthefourthofaclerk——CassimBaba，intherobber'scave——andCassimistheonlyrespectablememberoftheparty。'
　　'Iamonebymyself，one，'saidMortimer，'highupanawfulstaircasecommandingaburial-ground，andIhaveawholeclerktomyself，andhehasnothingtodobutlookattheburial-ground，andwhathewillturnoutwhenarrivedatmaturity，Icannotconceive。
　　Whether，inthatshabbyrook'snest，heisalwaysplottingwisdom，orplottingmurder；whetherhewillgrowup，aftersomuchsolitarybrooding，toenlightenhisfellow-creatures，ortopoisonthem；istheonlyspeckofinterestthatpresentsitselftomyprofessionalview。Willyougivemealight?Thankyou。'
　　'Thenidiotstalk，'saidEugene，leaningback，foldinghisarms，smokingwithhiseyesshut，andspeakingslightlythroughhisnose，'ofEnergy。IfthereisawordinthedictionaryunderanyletterfromAtoZthatIabominate，itisenergy。Itissuchaconventionalsuperstition，suchparrotgabble！Whatthedeuce！
　　AmItorushoutintothestreet，collarthefirstmanofawealthyappearancethatImeet，shakehim，andsay，“Gotolawuponthespot，youdog，andretainme，orI'llbethedeathofyou“?Yetthatwouldbeenergy。'
　　'Preciselymyviewofthecase，Eugene。Butshowmeagoodopportunity，showmesomethingreallyworthbeingenergeticabout，andI'llshowyouenergy。'
　　'AndsowillI，'saidEugene。
　　Anditislikelyenoughthattenthousandotheryoungmen，withinthelimitsoftheLondonPost-officetowndelivery，madethesamehopefulremarkinthecourseofthesameevening。
　　Thewheelsrolledon，androlleddownbytheMonumentandbytheTower，andbytheDocks；downbyRatcliffe，andbyRotherhithe；downbywhereaccumulatedscumofhumanityseemedtobewashedfromhighergrounds，likesomuchmoralsewage，andtobepausinguntilitsownweightforceditoverthebankandsunkitintheriver。Inandoutamongvesselsthatseemedtohavegotashore，andhousesthatseemedtohavegotafloat——amongbow-splitsstaringintowindows，andwindowsstaringintoships——thewheelsrolledon，untiltheystoppedatadarkcorner，river-washedandotherwisenotwashedatall，wheretheboyalightedandopenedthedoor。
　　'Youmustwalktherest，sir；it'snotmanyyards。'Hespokeinthesingularnumber，totheexpressexclusionofEugene。
　　'Thisisaconfoundedlyout-of-the-wayplace，'saidMortimer，slippingoverthestonesandrefuseontheshore，astheboyturnedthecornersharp。
　　'Here'smyfather's，sir；wherethelightis。'
　　Thelowbuildinghadthelookofhavingoncebeenamill。Therewasarottenwartofwooduponitsforeheadthatseemedtoindicatewherethesailshadbeen，butthewholewasveryindistinctlyseenintheobscurityofthenight。Theboyliftedthelatchofthedoor，andtheypassedatonceintoalowcircularroom，whereamanstoodbeforearedfire，lookingdownintoit，andagirlsatengagedinneedlework。Thefirewasinarustybrazier，notfittedtothehearth；andacommonlamp，shapedlikeahyacinth-
　　root，smokedandflaredintheneckofastonebottleonthetable。
　　Therewasawoodenbunkorberthinacorner，andinanothercornerawoodenstairleadingabove——soclumsyandsteepthatitwaslittlebetterthanaladder。Twoorthreeoldscullsandoarsstoodagainstthewall，andagainstanotherpartofthewallwasasmalldresser，makingaspareshowofthecommonestarticlesofcrockeryandcooking-vessels。Theroofoftheroomwasnotplastered，butwasformedoftheflooringoftheroomabove。This，beingveryold，knotted，seamed，andbeamed，gavealoweringaspecttothechamber；androof，andwalls，andfloor，alikeaboundinginoldsmearsofflour，red-leadorsomesuchstainwhichithadprobablyacquiredinwarehousing，anddamp，alikehadalookofdecomposition。
　　'Thegentleman，father。'
　　Thefigureattheredfireturned，raiseditsruffledhead，andlookedlikeabirdofprey。
　　'You'reMortimerLightwoodEsquire；areyou，sir?'
　　'MortimerLightwoodismyname。Whatyoufound，'saidMortimer，glancingrathershrinkinglytowardsthebunk；'isithere?'
　　''Tain'tnottosayhere，butit'scloseby。Idoeverythingreg'lar。
　　I'vegiv'noticeofthecircumstarncetothepolice，andthepolicehavetookpossessionofit。Notimeain'tbeenlost，onanyhand。
　　Thepolicehaveputintoprintalready，andhere'swhattheprintsaysofit。'
　　Takingupthebottlewiththelampinit，hehelditnearapaperonthewall，withthepoliceheading，BODYFOUND。Thetwofriendsreadthehandbillasitstuckagainstthewall，andGafferreadthemasheheldthelight。
　　'Onlypapersontheunfortunateman，Isee，'saidLightwood，glancingfromthedescriptionofwhatwasfound，tothefinder。
　　'Onlypapers。'
　　Herethegirlarosewithherworkinherhand，andwentoutatthedoor。
　　'Nomoney，'pursuedMortimer；'butthreepenceinoneoftheskirt-
　　pockets。'
　　'Three。Penny。Pieces，'saidGafferHexam，inasmanysentences。
　　'Thetrouserspocketsempty，andturnedinsideout。'
　　GafferHexamnodded。'Butthat'scommon。Whetherit'sthewashofthetideorno，Ican'tsay。Now，here，'movingthelighttoanothersimilarplacard，'HISpocketswasfoundempty，andturnedinsideout。Andhere，'movingthelighttoanother，'HERpocketwasfoundempty，andturnedinsideout。Andsowasthisone's。
　　Andsowasthatone's。Ican'tread，norIdon'twanttoit，forI
　　know'embytheirplacesonthewall。Thisonewasasailor，withtwoanchorsandaflagandG。F。T。onhisarm。Lookandseeifhewarn't。'
　　'Quiteright。'
　　'Thisonewastheyoungwomaningreyboots，andherlinenmarkedwithacross。Lookandseeifshewarn't。'
　　'Quiteright。'
　　'Thisishimashadanastycutovertheeye。Thisisthemtwoyoungsisterswhattiedthemselvestogetherwithahandkecher。
　　Thisthedrunkenoldchap，inapairoflistslippersandanightcap，wothadoffered——itafterwardscomeout——tomakeaholeinthewaterforaquarternofrumstoodaforehand，andkepttohiswordforthefirstandlasttimeinhislife。Theyprettywellpaperstheroom，yousee；butIknow'emall。I'mscholarenough！'
　　Hewavedthelightoverthewhole，asiftotypifythelightofhisscholarlyintelligence，andthenputitdownonthetableandstoodbehinditlookingintentlyathisvisitors。Hehadthespecialpeculiarityofsomebirdsofprey，thatwhenheknittedhisbrow，hisruffledcreststoodhighest。
　　'Youdidnotfindalltheseyourself；didyou?'askedEugene。
　　Towhichthebirdofpreyslowlyrejoined，'AndwhatmightYOUR
　　namebe，now?'
　　'Thisismyfriend，'MortimerLightwoodinterposed；'MrEugeneWrayburn。'
　　'MrEugeneWrayburn，isit?AndwhatmightMrEugeneWrayburnhaveaskedofme?'
　　'Iaskedyou，simply，ifyoufoundalltheseyourself?'
　　'Iansweryou，simply，moston'em。'
　　'Doyousupposetherehasbeenmuchviolenceandrobbery，beforehand，amongthesecases?'
　　'Idon'tsupposeatallaboutit，'returnedGaffer。'Iain'toneofthesupposingsort。Ifyou'dgotyourlivingtohauloutoftherivereverydayofyourlife，youmightn'tbemuchgiventosupposing。
　　AmItoshowtheway?'
　　Asheopenedthedoor，inpursuanceofanodfromLightwood，anextremelypaleanddisturbedfaceappearedinthedoorway——thefaceofamanmuchagitated。
　　'Abodymissing?'askedGafferHexam，stoppingshort；'orabodyfound?Which?'
　　'Iamlost！'repliedtheman，inahurriedandaneagermanner。
　　'Lost?'
　　'I——I——amastranger，anddon'tknowtheway。I——I——wanttofindtheplacewhereIcanseewhatisdescribedhere。ItispossibleImayknowit。'Hewaspanting，andcouldhardlyspeak；but，heshowedacopyofthenewly-printedbillthatwasstillwetuponthewall。
　　Perhapsitsnewness，orperhapstheaccuracyofhisobservationofitsgenerallook，guidedGaffertoareadyconclusion。
　　'Thisgentleman，MrLightwood，isonthatbusiness。'
　　'MrLightwood?'
　　Duringapause，Mortimerandthestrangerconfrontedeachother。
　　Neitherknewtheother。
　　'Ithink，sir，'saidMortimer，breakingtheawkwardsilencewithhisairyself-possession，'thatyoudidmethehonourtomentionmyname?'
　　'Irepeatedit，afterthisman。'
　　'YousaidyouwereastrangerinLondon?'
　　'Anutterstranger。'
　　'AreyouseekingaMrHarmon?'
　　'No。'
　　'ThenIbelieveIcanassureyouthatyouareonafruitlesserrand，andwillnotfindwhatyoufeartofind。Willyoucomewithus?'
　　Alittlewindingthroughsomemuddyalleysthatmighthavebeendepositedbythelastill-savouredtide，broughtthemtothewicket-
　　gateandbrightlampofaPoliceStation；wheretheyfoundtheNight-Inspector，withapenandink，andruler，postinguphisbooksinawhitewashedoffice，asstudiouslyasifhewereinamonasteryontopofamountain，andnohowlingfuryofadrunkenwomanwerebangingherselfagainstacell-doorintheback-yardathiselbow。Withthesameairofareclusemuchgiventostudy，hedesistedfromhisbookstobestowadistrustfulnodofrecognitionuponGaffer，plainlyimporting，'Ah！weknowallaboutYOU，andyou'lloverdoitsomeday；'andtoinformMrMorrimerLightwoodandfriends，thathewouldattendthemimmediately。Then，hefinishedrulingtheworkhehadinhanditmighthavebeenilluminatingamissal，hewassocalm，inaveryneatandmethodicalmanner，showingnottheslightestconsciousnessofthewomanwhowasbangingherselfwithincreasedviolence，andshriekingmostterrificallyforsomeotherwoman'sliver。
　　'Abull's-eye，'saidtheNight-Inspector，takinguphiskeys。Whichadeferentialsatelliteproduced。'Now，gentlemen。'
　　Withoneofhiskeys，heopenedacoolgrotattheendoftheyard，andtheyallwentin。Theyquicklycameoutagain，noonespeakingbutEugene:whoremarkedtoMortimer，inawhisper，'NotMUCHworsethanLadyTippins。'
　　So，backtothewhitewashedlibraryofthemonastery——withthatliverstillinshriekingrequisition，asithadbeenloudly，whiletheylookedatthesilentsighttheycametosee——andtherethroughthemeritsofthecaseassummedupbytheAbbot。Nocluetohowbodycameintoriver。Veryoftenwasnoclue。Toolatetoknowforcertain，whetherinjuriesreceivedbeforeorafterdeath；oneexcellentsurgicalopinionsaid，before；otherexcellentsurgicalopinionsaid，after。Stewardofshipinwhichgentlemancamehomepassenger，hadbeenroundtoview，andcouldsweartoidentity。Likewisecouldsweartoclothes。Andthen，yousee，youhadthepapers，too。Howwasithehadtotallydisappearedonleavingship，'tillfoundinriver?Well！Probablyhadbeenuponsomelittlegame。Probablythoughtitaharmlessgame，wasn'tuptothings，anditturnedoutafatalgame。Inquestto-morrow，andnodoubtopenverdict。
　　'Itappearstohaveknockedyourfriendover——knockedhimcompletelyoffhislegs，'MrInspectorremarked，whenhehadfinishedhissummingup。'Ithasgivenhimabadturntobesure！'
　　Thiswassaidinaverylowvoice，andwithasearchinglooknotthefirsthehadcastatthestranger。
　　MrLightwoodexplainedthatitwasnofriendofhis。
　　'Indeed?'saidMrInspector，withanattentiveear；'wheredidyoupickhimup?'
　　MrLightwoodexplainedfurther。
　　MrInspectorhaddeliveredhissummingup，andhadaddedthesewords，withhiselbowsleaningonhisdesk，andthefingersandthumbofhisrighthand，fittingthemselvestothefingersandthumbofhisleft。MrInspectormovednothingbuthiseyes，ashenowadded，raisinghisvoice:
　　'Turnedyoufaint，sir！Seemsyou'renotaccustomedtothiskindofwork?'
　　Thestranger，whowasleaningagainstthechimneypiecewithdroopinghead，lookedroundandanswered，'No。It'sahorriblesight！'
　　'Youexpectedtoidentify，Iamtold，sir?'
　　'Yes。'
　　'HAVEyouidentified?'
　　'No。It'sahorriblesight。O！ahorrible，horriblesight！'
　　'Whodidyouthinkitmighthavebeen?'askedMrInspector。'Giveusadescription，sir。Perhapswecanhelpyou。'
　　'No，no，'saidthestranger；'itwouldbequiteuseless。Good-night。'
　　MrInspectorhadnotmoved，andhadgivennoorder；but，thesatelliteslippedhisbackagainstthewicket，andlaidhisleftarmalongthetopofit，andwithhisrighthandturnedthebull's-eyehehadtakenfromhischief——inquiteacasualmanner——towardsthestranger。
　　'Youmissedafriend，youknow；oryoumissedafoe，youknow；oryouwouldn'thavecomehere，youknow。Well，then；ain'titreasonabletoask，whowasit?'Thus，MrInspector。
　　'Youmustexcusemytellingyou。Noclassofmancanunderstandbetterthanyou，thatfamiliesmaynotchoosetopublishtheirdisagreementsandmisfortunes，exceptonthelastnecessity。Idonotdisputethatyoudischargeyourdutyinaskingmethequestion；
　　youwillnotdisputemyrighttowithholdtheanswer。Good-night。'
　　Againheturnedtowardsthewicket，wherethesatellite，withhiseyeuponhischief，remainedadumbstatue。
　　'Atleast，'saidMrInspector，'youwillnotobjecttoleavemeyourcard，sir?'
　　'Ishouldnotobject，ifIhadone；butIhavenot。'Hereddenedandwasmuchconfusedashegavetheanswer。
　　'Atleast，'saidMrInspector，withnochangeofvoiceormanner，'youwillnotobjecttowritedownyournameandaddress?'
　　'Notatall。'
　　MrInspectordippedapeninhisinkstand，anddeftlylaiditonapieceofpaperclosebesidehim；thenresumedhisformerattitude。
　　Thestrangersteppeduptothedesk，andwroteinarathertremuloushand——MrInspectortakingsidelongnoteofeveryhairofhisheadwhenitwasbentdownforthepurpose——'MrJuliusHandford，ExchequerCoffeeHouse，PalaceYard，Westminster。'
　　'Stayingthere，Ipresume，sir?'
　　'Stayingthere。'
　　'Consequently，fromthecountry?'
　　'Eh?Yes——fromthecountry。'
　　'Good-night，sir。'
　　Thesatelliteremovedhisarmandopenedthewicket，andMrJuliusHandfordwentout。
　　'Reserve！'saidMrInspector。'Takecareofthispieceofpaper，keephiminviewwithoutgivingoffence，ascertainthatheISstayingthere，andfindoutanythingyoucanabouthim。'
　　Thesatellitewasgone；andMrInspector，becomingonceagainthequietAbbotofthatMonastery，dippedhispeninhisinkandresumedhisbooks。Thetwofriendswhohadwatchedhim，moreamusedbytheprofessionalmannerthansuspiciousofMrJuliusHandford，inquiredbeforetakingtheirdeparturetoowhetherhebelievedtherewasanythingthatreallylookedbadhere?
　　TheAbbotrepliedwithreticence，couldn'tsay。Ifamurder，anybodymighthavedoneit。Burglaryorpocket-pickingwanted'prenticeship。Notso，murder。Wewereallofusuptothat。Hadseenscoresofpeoplecometoidentify，andneversawonepersonstruckinthatparticularway。Might，however，havebeenStomachandnotMind。Ifso，rumstomach。Buttobesuretherewererumeverythings。Pitytherewasnotawordoftruthinthatsuperstitionaboutbodiesbleedingwhentouchedbythehandoftherightperson；younevergotasignoutofbodies。Yougotrowenoughoutofsuchasher——shewasgoodforallnightnowreferringheretothebangingdemandsfortheliver，'butyougotnothingoutofbodiesifitwaseverso。'
　　TherebeingnothingmoretobedoneuntiltheInquestwasheldnextday，thefriendswentawaytogether，andGafferHexamandhissonwenttheirseparateway。But，arrivingatthelastcorner，Gafferbadehisboygohomewhileheturnedintoared-curtainedtavern，thatstooddropsicallybulgingoverthecauseway，'forahalf-a-pint。'
　　Theboyliftedthelatchhehadliftedbefore，andfoundhissisteragainseatedbeforethefireatherwork。Whoraisedherheaduponhiscominginandasking:
　　'Wheredidyougo，Liz?'
　　'Iwentoutinthedark。'
　　'Therewasnonecessityforthat。Itwasallrightenough。'
　　'Oneofthegentlemen，theonewhodidn'tspeakwhileIwasthere，lookedhardatme。AndIwasafraidhemightknowwhatmyfacemeant。Butthere！Don'tmindme，Charley！Iwasallinatrembleofanothersortwhenyouownedtofatheryoucouldwritealittle。'
　　'Ah！ButImadebelieveIwrotesobadly，asthatitwasoddsifanyonecouldreadit。AndwhenIwroteslowestandsmearedbutwithmyfingermost，fatherwasbestpleased，ashestoodlookingoverme。'
　　Thegirlputasideherwork，anddrawingherseatclosetohisseatbythefire，laidherarmgentlyonhisshoulder。
　　'You'llmakethemostofyourtime，Charley；won'tyou?'
　　'Won'tI?Come！Ilikethat。Don'tI?'
　　'Yes，Charley，yes。Youworkhardatyourlearning，Iknow。AndIworkalittle，Charley，andplanandcontrivealittlewakeoutofmysleepcontrivingsometimes，howtogettogetherashillingnow，andashillingthen，thatshallmakefatherbelieveyouarebeginningtoearnastraylivingalongshore。'
　　'Youarefather'sfavourite，andcanmakehimbelieveanything。'
　　'IwishIcould，Charley！ForifIcouldmakehimbelievethatlearningwasagoodthing，andthatwemightleadbetterlives，I
　　shouldbea'mostcontenttodie。'
　　'Don'ttalkstuffaboutdying，Liz。'
　　Sheplacedherhandsinoneanotheronhisshoulder，andlayingherrichbrowncheekagainstthemasshelookeddownatthefire，wentonthoughtfully:
　　'Ofanevening，Charley，whenyouareattheschool，andfather's——'
　　'AttheSixJollyFellowshipPorters，'theboystruckin，withabackwardnodofhisheadtowardsthepublic-house。
　　'Yes。ThenasIsita-lookingatthefire，Iseemtoseeintheburningcoal——likewherethatglowisnow——'
　　'That'sgas，thatis，'saidtheboy，'comingoutofabitofaforestthat'sbeenunderthemudthatwasunderthewaterinthedaysofNoah'sArk。Lookhere！WhenItakethepoker——so——andgiveitadig——'
　　'Don'tdisturbit，Charley，orit'llbeallinablaze。It'sthatdullglownearit，comingandgoing，thatImean。WhenIlookatitofanevening，itcomeslikepicturestome，Charley。'
　　'Showusapicture，'saidtheboy。'Telluswheretolook。'
　　'Ah！Itwantsmyeyes，Charley。'
　　'Cutawaythen，andtelluswhatyoureyesmakeofit。'
　　'Why，thereareyouandme，Charley，whenyouwerequiteababythatneverknewamother——'
　　'Don'tgosayingIneverknewamother，'interposedtheboy，'forI
　　knewalittlesisterthatwassisterandmotherboth。'