Don'twanttoputtheaccentontheCity，dowe？"saidShoesmith，whohadafeelingforcountyfamilies，andNaylorsupportedhimbyamurmurofapproval。
　　"WeoughttocallittheARVONIAN，"decidedCossington，"andwemightverywellhaveunderneath，'WithwhichisincorporatedtheOBSERVER。'Thatpicksuptheoldtraditions，makesanappealtooldboysandallthat，anditgivesussomethingtoprintunderthetitle。"
　　IstillheldoutforCITYMERCHANDIZE，whichhadtakenmyfancy。
　　"Someofthechaps'peoplewon'tlikeit，"saidNaylor，"certainnotto。AnditsoundsRum。"
　　"SoundsWeird，"saidaboywhohadnothithertospoken。
　　"Wearen'tgoingtodoanythingQueer，"saidShoesmith，pointedlynotlookingatBritten。
　　Thequestionofthetitlehadmanifestlygoneagainstus。"Oh！HAVE
　　itARVONIAN，"Isaid。
　　"Andnext，whatsizeshallwehave？"saidCossington。
　　"SomethinglikeMACMILLAN'SMAGAZINE——orLONGMANS'；LONGMANS'isbetterbecauseithasawholepage，notcolumns。Itmakesnoendofdifferencetoone'seffects。"
　　"Whateffects？"askedShoesmithabruptly。
　　"Oh！apauseorawhitelineoranything。You'vegottowritecloserforadoublecolumn。It'snuggetty。Youcan'tgetaswingonyourprose。"IhaddiscussedthisthoroughlywithBritten。
　　"Ifthefellowsaregoingtowrite——"beganBritten。
　　"Weoughttokeepofffinewriting，"saidShoesmith。"It'scheek。
　　Ivotewedon'thaveany。"
　　"Wesha'n'tgetany，"saidCossington，andthenasanolivebranchtome，"unlessRemingtondoesabit。OrBritten。Butit'snogoodmakingtoomuchspaceforit。"
　　"Weoughttobeverycarefulaboutthewriting，"saidShoesmith。
　　"Wedon'twanttogiveourselvesaway。"
　　"IvoteweaskoldTophamtoseeusthrough，"saidNaylor。
　　Brittengroanedaloudandeveryoneregardedhim。"Greekepigramsonthefellows'names，"hesaid。"Smallbeerinancientbottles。
　　Let'sgetastuffedbroodyhentoSITonthemagazine。"
　　"WemightdoworsethanaGreekepigram，"saidCossington。"Oneineachnumber。It——itimpressesparentsandkeepsupourclassiealtradition。AndthemastersCANhelp。Wedon'twanttoantagonisethem。Ofcourse——we'vegottodcpartmentalise。Writingisonlyonesectionofthething。TheARVONIANhastostandfortheschool。
　　There'squestionsofspaceandquestionsofexpense。Wecan'tturnoutagreatchunkofprintedproselike——likewetcoldtoastandcallitamagazine。"
　　Brittenwrithed，appreciatingtheimage。
　　"There'stobeasectionofsports。YOUmustdothat。"
　　"I'mnotgoingtodoanyfinewriting，"saidShoesmith。
　　"Whatyou'vegottodoisjusttolistallthechapsandputanotetotheirplay：——'Naylorminormustpassmore。Footballisn'ttheplaceforextremeindividualism。''Ammershamshapeswellashalf-
　　back。'Thingslikethat。"
　　"Icoulddothatallright，"saidShoesmith，brighteningandmanifestlyhecomingpregnantwithjudgments。
　　"Onegreatthingaboutamagazineofthissort，"saidCossington，"istomentionjustasmanynamesasyoucanineachnumber。Itkeepstheinterestalive。Chapswillturnitoverlookingfortheirownlittlebit。Thenitalllightsupforthem。"
　　"Doyouwantanyreportsofmatches？"Shoesmithbrokefromhismeditation。
　　"Rather。Withcomments。"
　　"Naylorsurpassedhimselfandnegotiatedthelemonsafelyhome，"
　　saidShoesmith。
　　"Shutit，"saidNaylormodestly。
　　"Exactly，"saidCossington。"Thatgivesusthreefeatures，"
　　touchingthemoffonhisfingers，"Epigram，LiterarySection，Sports。Thenwewantasectiontoshoveanythinginto，ajoke，anoticeofanythingthat'sgoingon。Soon。OurNoteBook。"
　　"Oh，Hell！"saidBritten，andclashedhisboots，tothesilentdisapprovalofeveryone。
　　"Thenwewantaneditorial。"
　　"AWHAT？"criedBritten，withanoteofrealterrorinhisvoice。
　　"Well，don'twe？UnlesswehaveourNoteBooktobeginonthefrontpage。Itgivesascrappyeffecttodothat。Wewantsomethingmanlyandstraightforwardandabitthoughtful，aboutPatriotism，say，orESPRITDECORPS，orAfter-Life。"
　　IlookedatBritten。HithertowehadnotconsideredCossingtonmatteredverymuchintheworld。
　　Hewentoverusasamotor-cargoesoveradog。Therewasasortofenergyabouthim，anewsortofenergytous；wehadneverrealisedthatanythingofthesortexistedintheworld。Wewerehopelesslyatadisadvantage。Almostinstantlywehaddevelopedaclearanddetailedvisionofamagazinemadeupofeverythingthatwasmostacceptableinthemagazinesthatflourishedintheadultworldaboutus，andhaddeterminedtomakeitasuccess。Hehadbyakindofinstinct，asitwere，syntheticallyplagiarisedeverysuccessfulmagazineandbreathedintothisdustymixturethebreathoflife。
　　Hewaselectedathisownsuggestionmanagingdirector，withtheearnestsupportofShoesmithandNaylor，andconductedthemagazinesosuccessfullyandbrilliantlythatheevengotawholebackpageofadvertisementsfromthebigsportsshopinHolborn，andmadetheprinterspayatthesamerateforanoticeofcertainbooksoftheirownwhichtheysaidtheyhadinsertedbyinadvertencytofillupspace。TheonlyliterarycontributioninthefirstnumberwasacolumnbyTophaminfaultlessstereotypedEnglishindepreciationofsomefanciedevilcalledUtilitarianStudiesandendingwiththatnobleoldquotation：——
　　"TotheglorythatwasGreeceandthegrandeurthatwasRome。"
　　AndFlackcrowdedusoutofnumbertwowithabrightlittlepaperonthe"HumoursofCricket，"andtheHeadhimselfwasprofuselythoughtfulallovertheeditorialundertheheadingof"TheSchoolChapel；andHowitSeemstoanOldBoy。"
　　BrittenandIfounditdifficulttoexpresstoeachotherwithanygraceorprecisionwhatwefeltaboutthatmagazine。
　　CHAPTERTHEFOURTH
　　ADOLESCENCE
　　1
　　Ifinditverydifficulttotracehowformwasaddedtoformandinterpretationfollowedinterpretationinmyever-spreading，ever-
　　deepening，ever-multiplyingandenrichingvisionofthisworldintowhichIhadbeenborn。Everydayaddeditsimpressions，itshints，itssubtleexplicationstothegrowingunderstanding。Dayafterdaythelivinginterlacingthreadsofamindweavetogether。Everymorningnowforthreeweeksandmoreforto-dayisThursdayandI
　　startedonaTuesdayIhavebeentryingtoconveysomeideaofthefactorsandearlyinfluencesbywhichmyparticularscrapofsubjectivetapestrywasshaped，toshowthechildplayingonthenurseryfloor，thesonperplexedbyhismother，gazingaghastathisdeadfather，exploringinterminablesuburbs，touchedbyfirstintimationsofthesexualmystery，cominginwithasortofconfusedaviditytowardsthecentresofthelifeofLondon。Itisonlybysuchanefforttowriteitdownthatonerealiseshowmarvellouslycrowded，howmarvellouslyanalyticalandsyntheticthoseearsmustbe。Onebeginswiththelittlechildtowhomtheskyisaroofofblue，theworldascreenofopaqueanddisconnectedfacts，thehomeathingeternal，and"beinggood"justsimpleobediencetounquestionedauthority；andonecomesatlasttothevastworldofone'sadultperception，pierceddeepbyflaringsearchlightsofpartialunderstanding，heremaskedbymists，hererefractedanddistortedthroughhalftranslucentveils，hereshowingbroadprospectsandlimitlessvistasandhereimpenetrablydark。
　　Irecallphasesofdeepspeculation，doubtsandevenprayersbynight，andstrangeoccasionswhenbyasortofhypnoticcontemplationofnothingnessIsoughttopiercethewebofappearancesaboutme。Itishardtomeasurethesethingsinrecedingperspective，andnowIcannottrace，socloselyhasmoodsucceededandoverlaidandobliteratedmood，thephasesbywhichanutterhorrorofdeathwasreplacedbythegrowingrealisationofitsnecessityanddignity。Difficultyoftheimaginationwithinfinitespace，infinitetime，entangledmymind；andmoraldistressforthepainandsufferingofbygoneagesthatmadeallthoughtofreformationinthefutureseembutthegrimmestironyuponnowirreparablewrongs。Manyanintricateperplexityofthesebroadeningyearsdidnotsomuchgetsettledasceasetomatter。
　　Lifecrowdedmeawayfromit。
　　Ihaveconfessedmyselfatemerarioustheologian，andinthatpassagefromboyhoodtomanhoodIrangedwidelyinmysearchforsomepermanentlysatisfyingTruth。That，too，ceasedafteratimetobeurgentlyinteresting。Icameatlastintoaphasethatendurestothisday，ofabsolutetranquillity，ofabsoluteconfidenceinwhateverthatIncomprehensibleComprehensivewhichmustneedsbethesubstratumofallthings，maybe。FeelingOFIT，feelingBYIT，Icannotfeelafraidofit。IthinkIhadgotquiteclearlyandfinallytothatadjustmentlongbeforemyCambridgedaysweredone。Iamsurethattheevilinlifeistransitoryandfinitelikeanaccidentordistressinthenursery；thatGodismyFatherandthatImaytrustHim，eventhoughlifehurtssothatonemustneedscryoutatit，eventhoughitshowsnoconsequencebutfailure，nopromisebutpain……
　　ButwhileIwasfearlessoftheologyImustconfessitwascomparativelylatebeforeIfacedanddaredtoprobethesecreciesofsex。Iwasafraidofsex。Ihadaninstinctiveperceptionthatitwouldbealargeanddifficultthinginmylife，butmyearlytrainingwasallinthedirectionofregardingitasanirrelevantthing，assomethingdisconnectedfromallthebroadsignificancesoflife，ashostileanddisgracefulinitsquality。Theworldwasneversoemasculatedinthought，Isuppose，asitwasintheVictoriantime……
　　IwasafraidtothinkeitherofsexorwhatIhavealwaysfoundinseparablefromakindofsexualemotionbeauty。EvenasaboyI
　　knewthethingasahauntingandalluringmysterythatItriedtokeepawayfrom。Itsdimpresenceobsessedmenonethelessforalltheextravagantdecency，thestimulatingsilencesofmyupbringing……
　　TheplasterVenusesandApollosthatusedtoadornthevastaisleandhugegreyterracesoftheCrystalPalacewerethefirstintimationsofthebeautyofthebodythatevercameintomylife。
　　AsIwriteofitIfeelagaintheshamefulattractionofthosegraciousforms。Iusedtolookatthemnotsimply，butcuriouslyandaskance。OnceatleastinmylaterdaysatPenge，Ispentashillinginadmissionchieflyforthesakeofthem……
　　Thestrangestthingofallmyoddandsolitaryupbringingseemstomenowthatswathingupofallthesplendoursoftheflesh，thatstrangecombinationoffanaticalterrorismandshynessthatfencedmeaboutwithprohibitions。Itcausedmetogrowup，Iwillnotsayblanklyignorant，butwithanignoranceblurredanddishonouredbyshame，byenigmaticalwarnings，bycultivatedaversions，anignoranceinwhichafascinatedcuriosityanddesirestruggledlikeathinginanet。IknewsolittleandIfeltsomuch。TherewasindeednoAphroditeatallinmyyouthfulPantheon，butinsteadtherewasamysteriousandminatorygap。IhavetoldhowatlastanewVenuswasborninmyimaginationoutofgaslampsandthetwilight，aVenuswithacockneyaccentanddarkeyesshiningoutofthedusk，aVenuswhowasawarm，passion-stirringatmosphereratherthanincarnateinabody。AndIhavetold，too，howIboughtapicture。
　　Allthiswasathingapartfromtherestofmylife，alockedavoidedchamber……
　　ItwasnotuntilmylastyearatTrinitythatIreallybrokedownthebarriersofthisunwholesomesilenceandbroughtmysecretbroodingstothelightofday。Thenalittlesetofusplungedsuddenlyintowhatwecalledatfirstsociologicaldiscussion。I
　　canstillrecalleventhephysicalfeelingofthosefirsttentativetalks。IrememberthemmostlyasoccurringintheroomsofTedHatherleigh，whokeptatthecornerbytheTrinitygreatgate，butwealsousedtotalkagooddealataman'sinKing's，amannamed，ifIrememberrightly，Redmayne。TheatmosphereofHatherleigh'sroomswasahazeoftobaccosmokeagainstabackgroundbrownanddeep。Heprofessedhimselfasocialistwithanarchisticleanings——
　　hehadsufferedthemartyrdomofduckingforit——andahugeFrenchMay-dayposterdisplayingasplendidproletarianinredandblackonabarricadeagainstaflaringorangesky，dominatedhisdecorations。
　　Hatherleighaffectedafineuntidiness，andalltheplace，eventhefloor，waslitteredwithbooks，forthemostpartopenandfacedownward；deeperdarknessesweresuppliedbyadiscardedgownandourcaps，allconscientiouslybattered，Hatherleigh'sfloppedlikeanelephant'searandinsertedquillpenssupportedthecornersofmine；thehighlightsofthepicturecamechieflyasreflectionsfromhischequeredbluemugsfullofauditale。Wesatonoakchairs，exceptthefourorfivewhocrowdedonacapacioussettle，wedrankalotofbeerandwereoftenfuddled，andoccasionallyquitedrunk，andweallsmokedreckless-lookingpipes，——therewasatransientfashionamongusforcorncobsforwhichMarkTwain，Ithink，wasresponsible。Ourlittleexcesseswithliquorwereduefarmoretoconsciencethanappetite，indicatedchieflyaresolvetobreakawayfromrestraintsthatwesuspectedwerekeepingusofftheinstructiveknife-edgesoflife。HatherleighwasagoodEnglishmanoftheprematuretypewitharedface，alotofhair，adeepvoiceandanexplosiveplungingmanner，anditwashewhosaidoneevening——Heavenknowshowwegottoit——"Lookhere，youknow，it'sallRot，thisShuttingUpaboutWomen。WeOUGHTtotalkaboutthem。
　　Whatarewegoingtodoaboutthem？It'sgottocome。We'reallfesteringinsideaboutit。Let'soutwithit。There'stoomuchDecencyaltogetheraboutthisInfernalUniversity！"
　　Werosetohischallengealittleawkwardlyandourfirsttalkwasclumsy，therewereflushedfacesandredears，andIrememberHatherleighbrokeoutintoamonologueondecency。"ModestyandDecency，"saidHatherleigh，"areOrientalvices。TheJewsbroughtthemtoEurope。They'reSemitic，justlikeourmonasticismhereandtheseclusionofwomenandmutilatingthedeadonabattlefield。
　　Andallthatsortofthing。"
　　Hatherleigh'smindprogressedbyhugeleaps，leapsthatwereusuallywildlyinaccurate，andforatimeweengagedhotlyuponthetopicofthoseallegedmutilationsandtheSemiticresponsibilityfordecency。HatherleightriedhardtosaddletheSemiticracewiththelesselegantwarcustomsoftheSoudanandthenorthwestfrontierofIndia，andquotedDoughty，atthattimealittle-knownauthor，andCunninghameGrahamtoshowthattheArabwasworsethanacounty-
　　townspinsterinhisregardforrespectability。Buthiscasewastoopreposterous，andEsmeer，withhisshrillpenetratingvoiceandhiswayofpointingwithallfourlongfingersflattogether，carriedthepointagainsthim。HequotedCatoandRomanlawandthemonasteriesofThibet。
　　"Well，anyway，"saidHatherleigh，escapingfromourhandslikeanintellectualfrog，"Semiticornot，I'vegotnousefordecency。"
　　WearguedpointsandHatherleighprofessedanunusuallybalancedandtoleratingattitude。"Idon'tmindacertainrefinementanddignity，"headmittedgenerously。"WhatIobjecttoisthisspreadingoutofdecencyuntilitdarkensthewholesky，untilitmakesaman'sfatherafraidtospeakofthemostimportantthings，untilitmakesamanafraidtolookafrankbookinthefaceorthink——eventhink！untilitleadstoourcomingto——tothebusinessatlastwithnothingbutafewprohibitions，afewhints，alotofdirtyjokesand，and"——hewavedahandandseemedtoseekandcatchhisimageintheair——"oh，aconfoundedbutteredslideofsentiment，toguideus。ItellyouI'mgoingtothinkaboutitandtalkaboutituntilIseealittlemoredaylightthanIdoatpresent。I'mtwenty-two。Thingsmighthappentomeanywhen。Youmencangooutintotheworldifyoulike，tosinlikefoolsandmarrylikefools，notknowingwhatyouaredoingandashamedtoask。
　　You'lltaketheconsequences，too，Iexpect，prettymeekly，sniggeringabit，sentimentalisingabit，like——likeCambridgehumorists……ImeantoknowwhatI'mdoing。"
　　Hepausedtodrink，andIthinkIcutinwithideasofmyown。Butoneisapttoforgetone'sownshareinatalk，Ifind，morethanonedoestheclear-cutobjectivityofotherpeople's，andIdonotknowhowfarIcontributedtothisdiscussionthatfollowed。Iam，however，prettycertainthatitwasthenthatidealthatwewerepleasedtocallaristocracyandwhichsoonbecamethecommonpropertyofoursetwasdeveloped。ItwasEsmeer，Iknow，wholaiddownandmaintainedthepropositionthatsofarasmindswenttherewerereallyonlytwosortsofmanintheworld，thearistocratandthemanwhosubdueshismindtootherpeople's。
　　"'Icouldn'tTHINKofit，Sir，'"saidEsmeerinhiselucidatorytones；"that'swhataservantsays。Hismindevenisbrokenintorunbetweenfences，andheadmitsit。WE'VEgottoheabletothinkofanything。And'suchthingsaren'tfortheLikesofUs！'That'sanotherservant'ssaying。Well，everythingISfortheLikesofUs。
　　Ifweseefit，thatis。"
　　Asmallfresh-colouredmaningreyobjected。
　　"Well，"explodedHatherleigh，"ifthatisn'tsowhatthedeuceareweupherefor？Insteadofworkinginmines？Ifsomethingsaren'ttobethoughtaboutever！We'vegottheprivilegeofalltheseextrayearsforgettingthingsstraightinourheads，andthenwewon'tuse'em。GoodGod！whatdoyouthinkauniversity'sfor？"……
　　Esmeer'sideacamewithaneffectofrealemancipationtoseveralofus。Wewerenotgoingtobeafraidofideasanylonger，weweregoingtothrowdowneverybarrierofprohibitionandtaketheminandseewhatcameofit。Webecameforatimeevenintemperatelyexperimental，andoneofus，atthebaresuggestionofaneminentpsychicinvestigator，tookhashishandverynearlydiedofitwithinafortnightofourgreatelucidation。
　　Thechiefmatterofourinterchangeswasofcoursethediscussionofsex。Oncethethemehadbeenopeneditbecameasoreplaceinourintercourse；noneofusseemedabletokeepawayfromit。Ourimaginationsgotastirwithit。Wemadeupforlosttimeandwentrounditandthroughitandoveritexhaustively。IrecallprolongeddiscussionofpolygamyonthewaytoRoyston，muddyNovembertrampstoMadingley，whenamidstmuchprofanityfromHatherleighattheserioustreatmentofsoobsoleteamatter，weweighedthereasons，ifany，fortheinstitutionofmarriage。Thefinedimnight-timespacesoftheGreatCourtareboundupwiththeinconclusivefinalesofmightyhot-earedwrangles；thenarrowsofTrinityStreetandPettyCuryandMarketHillhavetheirparticularassociationsformewiththatspateofconfessionandfreespeech，thatalmostpainfulgoaldeliveryoflongpentandcrappledandsometimescrippledideas。
　　AndwewentonareadingpartythatEastertoaplacecalledPulboroughinSussex，wherethereisafishinginnandariverthatgoesunderabridge。ItwasalateEasterandablazingone，andweboatedandbathedandtalkedofbeingHellenicandthebeautyofthebodyuntilatmomentsitseemedtousthatweweredestinedtorestoretheGoldenAge，bythesimpleabolitionoftailorsandoutfitters。
　　Thoseundergraduatetalks！howrichandglorioustheyseemed，howsplendidlynewtheideasthatgrewandmultipliedinourseethingminds！WemadelongafternoonandeveningraidsovertheDownstowardsArundel，andwouldcometrampingbackthroughthestillkeenmoonlightsingingandshouting。Weformedromanticfriendshipswithoneanother，andgrievedmoreorlessconvincinglythattherewerenosplendidwomenfittobeourcompanionsintheworld。ButHatherleigh，itseemed，hadonceknownagirlwhosehairwasgloriouslyred。"MyGod！"saidHatherleightoconveythequalityofher；justsimplyandwithprojectileviolence："MyGod！
　　Bentonhadheardofawomanwholivedwithamanrefusingtobemarriedtohim——wethoughtthatsplendidbeyondmeasure，——Icannotnowimaginewhy。Shewas"likeatendergoddess，"Bentonsaid。A
　　sortofshamecameuponusinthedarkinspiteofourliberalintentionswhenBentoncommittedhimselftothat。Andaftersuchtalkwewouldfallupongreatpausesofemotionaldreaming，andifbychancewepassedagirlinagovernesscart，orsomefarmer'sdaughterwalkingtothestation，webecamealertlysilentorobstreperouslyindifferenttoher。Formightshenotbejustthatoneexceptiontothebanaldecency，thesicklypointlessconventionality，theshammodestyofthetimesinwhichwelived？
　　Wefeltwestoodforanewmovement，notrealisinghowperenniallythissameemancipationreturnstothoseancientcourtsbesidetheCam。Weweretheanti-decencyparty，wediscoveredacatchphrasethatweflourishedaboutintheUnionandmadeourwatchword，namely，"starkfact。"Wehungnudepicturesinourroomsmuchasiftheyhadbeenflags，totheearnestconcernofourbedders，andI
　　disinterredmylong-keptengravingandhaditframedinfumedoak，andfoundforitacompleterandlessrestrainedcompanion，acompanionInevercaredforintheslightestdegree……
　　Thisefflorescencedidnotprevent，Ithinkindeeditratherhelped，ourmoreformaluniversitywork，formostofustookfirsts，andthreeofusgotFellowshipsinoneyearoranother。TherewasBentonwhohadaResearchFellowshipandwenttoTubingen，therewasEsmeerandmyselfwhobothbecameResidentialFellows。IhadtakentheMentalandMoralScienceTriposasitwasthen，andthreeyearslaterIgotalectureshipinpoliticalscience。InthosedaysitwasdisguisedinthecloakofPoliticalEconomy。
　　2
　　Itwasouraffectationtobealittledetachedfromthemainstreamofundergraduatelife。Weworkedprettyhard，butbyvirtueofourbeer，oursocialismandsuchlikeheterodoxy，heldourselvestobedifferentiatedfromtheswattingreadingman。Noneofus，exceptBaxter，whowasarowingblue，aratherabnormalbluewithanappetiteforideas，tookgamesseriouslyenoughtotrain，andontheotherhandweintimatedcontemptfortherathermediocre，deliberatelyhumorous，consciouslygentlemanlyandconsciouslywildundergraduatemenwhomadeupthemassofCambridgelife。Afterthemannerofyouthwewerealtogethertoohardonourcontemporaries。
　　Webatteredourcapsandtoreourgownslesttheyshouldseemnew，andwedespisedtheseothersextremelyfordoingexactlythesamethings；wehadanideaofourselvesandresentedbeyondmeasureasimilarweaknessintheseourbrothers。
　　Therewasatype，oratleastthereseemedtoustobeatype——I'malittledoubtfulattimesnowwhetherafterallwedidn'tcreateit——
　　forwhichHatherleighinventedthenicknamethe"PinkyDinkys，"
　　intendingtherebybothcontemptandabhorrenceinalmostequalmeasure。ThePinkyDinkysummarisedallthatweparticularlydidnotwanttobe，andalso，Inowperceive，muchofwhatwewereandallthatwesecretlydreadedbecoming。
　　ButitishardtoconveythePinkyDinkyidea，forallthatitmeantsomuchtous。WespentoneeveningatleastduringthatreadingpartyuponthePinkyDinky；wesataboutouronefireafterawalkintherain——itwasouronlywetday——smokedourexcessivelyvirilepipes，andelaboratedthenaturalhistoryofthePinkyDinky。WeimprovisedasortofPinkyDinkylitany，andHatherleighsupplieddeepnotesfortheresponses。
　　"ThePinkyDinkyextractsagooddealofamusementfromlife，"saidsomeone。
　　"Damnedprig！"saidHatherleigh。
　　"ThePinkyDinkyarisesintheUnionandtreatsthequestionwithalightgaytouch。Hemakestheweirdonesmad。Butsometimeshecannotgoonbecauseoftheamusementheextracts。"
　　"Iwanttoshybooksatthegigglingswine，"saidHatherleigh。
　　"ThePinkyDinkysayssuddenlywhileheismakingthetea，'We'reallbeingfrightfullyfunny。It'stimeforyoutosaysomethingnow。'"
　　"ThePinkyDinkyshakeshisheadandsays：'I'mafraidIshallneverbearesponsiblebeing。'AndhereallyISfrivolous。"
　　"Frivolousbutnotvulgar，"saidEsmeer。
　　"PinkyDinkysarechapswho'vehadtheirbudsnipped，"saidHatherleigh。"They'rePlebsandtheyknowit。Theyhaven'ttheGutstogetholdofthings。Andsotheyworryupallthosesillylittlejokesoftheirstocarryitoff。"……
　　Wetriedbadonesforatime，viciouslyflavoured。
　　PinkyDinkysareduetoover-productionofthetypethatoughttokeepoutfitters'shops。PinkyDinkyswouldliketokeepoutfitters'
　　shopswithwhimsy'scriptionsontheboxesandmakeyourbilloutfunny，andnotbesnobstocustomers，no！——noteveniftheyhadtitles。"
　　"EveryPinkyDinky'speoplearerathergoodpeople，andbetterthanmostPinkyDinky'speople。Buthedoesnotputonside。"
　　"PinkyDinkysbecomeplayfulatthesightofwomen。"
　　"'Croquet'smygame，'saidthePinkyDinky，andfeltamancondescended。"
　　"Butwhatthedevildotheythinkthey'reupto，anyhow？"roaredoldHatherleighsuddenly，droppingplumpintobottomlessdespair。
　　WefeltwehadstillfailedtogetatthecoreofthemysteryofthePinkyDinky。
　　Wetriedoverthingsabouthisreligion。"ThePinkyDinkygoestoKing'sChapel，andsitsandfeelsinthedusk。Solemnthings！OhHUSH！Hewouldn'ttellyou——"
　　"HeCOULDN'Ttellyou。"
　　"Religionissosacredtohimhenevertalksaboutit，neverreadsaboutit，neverthinksaboutit。Justfeels！"
　　"Butinhisheartofhearts，oh！eversodeep，thePinkyDinkyhasadoubt——"
　　Someoneprotested。
　　"Notavulgardoubt，"Esmeerwenton，"butakindofhesitationwhethertheAncientofDaysisreallyexactlywhatonewouldcallgoodform……There'salotofhorridcoarsenessgotintotheworldsomehow。SOMEBODYputitthere……Andanyhowthere'snoparticularreasonwhyamanshouldbeseenaboutwithHim。He'sjollyAwfulofcourseandallthat——"
　　"ThePinkyDinkyforallhisfunandlevityhasacleanmind。"
　　"Athoroughlycleanmind。NotlikeEsmeer's——thePig！"
　　"Ifoncehebegantothinkaboutsex，howcouldhebecomfortableatcroquet？"
　　"It'stheirDamnedModesty，"saidHatherleighsuddenly，"that'swhat'sthematterwiththePinkyDinky。It'sMentalCowardicedressedupasavirtueandtakingthepoordearsin。Cambridgeissoakedwithit；it'ssomeconfoundedlocalbacillus。LikethethingthatgivesaflavourtoHavanacigars。Hecomesupheretobemadeintoamanandarulerofthepeople，andhethinksitshowsanicedispositionnottotakeonthejob！HowtheDevilisagreatEmpiretoberunwithmenlikehim？"
　　"Allhislittlejokesandthings，"saidEsmeerregardinghisfeetonthefender，"it'sjustanervoussniggering——becausehe'safraid……
　　Oxford'snobetter。"
　　"What'sheafraidof？"saidI。
　　"Godknows！"explodedHatherleighandstaredatthefire。
　　"LIFE！"saidEsmeer。"Andsoinawayarewe，"headded，andmadeathoughtfulsilenceforatime。
　　"Isay，"beganCarter，whowasdoingtheNaturalScienceTripos，"whatistheadultformofthePinkyDinky？"
　　Buttherewewerecheckedbyourignoranceoftheworld。
　　"Whatistheadultformofanyofus？"askedBenton，voicingthethoughtthathadarrestedourflow。
　　3
　　IdonotrememberthatweeverliftedourcriticismtothedonsandtheorganisationoftheUniversity。Ithinkwetookthemforgranted。WhenIlookbackatmyyouthIamalwaysastonishedbythemultitudeofthingsthatwetookforgranted。ItseemedtousthatCambridgewasintheorderofthings，foralltheworldlikehavingeyebrowsoravermiformappendix。NowwiththelargerscepticismofmiddleageIcanentertainveryfundamentaldoubtsabouttheseolduniversities。IndeedIhadascheme——
　　IdonotseewhatharmIcandonowbylayingbarethepurposeofthepoliticalcombinationsIwastryingtoeffect。
　　Myeducationalschemewasindeedthestarting-pointofallthebigprojectofconsciouspublicreconstructionatwhichIaimed。I
　　wantedtobuildupaneweducationalmachinealtogetherforthegoverningclassoutofaconsolidatedsystemofspecialpublicserviceschools。ImeanttogettoworkuponthiswhateverofficeI
　　wasgiveninthenewgovernment。IcouldhavebegunmyplanfromtheAdmiraltyortheWarOfficequiteaseasilyasfromtheEducationOffice。Iamfirmlyconvinceditishopelesstothinkofreformingtheoldpublicschoolsanduniversitiestomeettheneedsofamodernstate，theysendtheirrootstoodeepandfar，thecostwouldexceedanygoodthatcouldpossiblybeeffected，andsoIhavesoughtawayroundthisinvincibleobstacle。Idothinkitwouldbequitepracticabletoside-track，astheAmericanssay，thewholesystembycreatinghardworking，hard-living，modernandscientificboys'schools，firstfortheRoyalNavyandthenforthepublicservicegenerally，andastheygrew，openingthemtothepublicwithoutanyabsoluteobligationtosubsequentservice。
　　Simultaneouslywiththisitwouldnotbeimpossibletodevelopanewcollegesystemwithstrongfacultiesinmodernphilosophy，modernhistory，Europeanliteratureandcriticism，physicalandbiologicalscience，educationandsociology。
　　Wecouldinfactcreateanewliberaleducationinthisway，andcuttheumbilicusoftheclassicallanguagesforgoodandall。Ishouldhavesetthisgoing，andtrustedittocorrectorkilltheoldpublicschoolsandtheOxfordandCambridgetraditionaltogether。I
　　hadmeninmymindtobeginthework，andIshouldhavefoundothers。Ishouldhaveaimedatmakingahard-trained，capable，intellectuallyactive，proudtypeofman。Everythingelsewouldhavebeenmadesubservienttothat。Ishouldhavekeptmygriponthementhroughtheirvacation，andsomehoworotherIwouldhavecontrivedayoungwomantomatchthem。IthinkIcouldhaveseentoiteffectuallyenoughthattheydidn'tgetatcroquetandtenniswiththevicaragedaughtersanddiscoversexinthePeepingTomfashionIdid，andthattheyrealisedquiteearlyinlifethatitisn'treallyviriletoreekoftobacco。Ishouldhavehadmilitarymanoeuvres，trainingships，aeroplanework，mountaineeringandsoforth，intheplaceofthesolemntrivialitiesofgames，andI
　　shouldhavefedandhousedmymencleanandveryhard——wheretherewasn'tanyauditale，nocredittradesmen，andplentyofhighpressuredouches……
　　IhaverevisitedCambridgeandOxfordtimeaftertimesinceIcamedown，andsofarastheEmpiregoes，Iwanttogetclearofthosetwoplaces……
　　AlwaysIrenewmyoldfeelings，aphysicaloppression，asenseoflownessanddampnessalmostexactlylikethefeelingofanundergroundroomwherepapermouldersandleavesthewall，afeelingofineradicablecontagionintheGothicbuildings，inthenarrowditch-likerivers，inthoseroadsandroadsofstuffylittlevillas。
　　Thoselittlevillashavedestroyedallthegoodoftheoldmonasticsystemandnoneofitsevil……
　　Someofthemostcharmingpeopleintheworldliveinthem，buttheircollectiveeffectisbelowthequalityofanyindividualamongthem。Cambridgeisaworldofsubduedtones，ofexcessivelysubtlehumours，ofprimconductandfreethinking；itfearstheParent，butithasnofearofGod；itoffersamidstsurroundingsthatvarybetweendisguisesandantiquariancharmtheinflammationofliterature'spurpledraught；onehearsthereapeculiarthinscandallikenootherscandalintheworld——acovetousscandal——sothatIamalwaysremindedofIbseninCambridge。InCambridgeandtheplaysofIbsenalonedoesitseemappropriatefortheheroinebeforethegreatcrisisoflifeto"enter，takeoffherovershoes，andputherwetumbrellauponthewritingdesk。"……
　　WehavetomakeanewAcademicmindformodernneeds，andthelastthingtomakeitoutof，Iamconvinced，istheoldAcademicmind。
　　OnemightassoontrytofaketheoldVICTORYatPortsmouthintoalineofbattleshipagain。BesideswhichtheoldAcademicmind，likethoseoldbathless，dampGothiccolleges，ismuchtoodelightfulinitspeculiaranddistinctivewaytodamagebyfutilepatching。
　　MyheartwarmstoasenseofaffectionateabsurdityasIrecalldearoldCodger，surelythemost"unleaderly"ofmen。NomorethanfromtheoldSchoolmen，hiskindred，couldonegetfromhimaSchoolforPrinces。YetapartfromhisteachinghewasascuriousandadorableasagoodNetsuke。UntilquiterecentlyhewasapowerinCambridge，hecouldmakeandbaranddestroy，andinawayhehasbecomethequintessenceofCambridgeinmythoughts。
　　Iseehimonhiswaytothemorning'slecture，withhisplumpchildishface，hisroundinnocenteyes，hisabsurdlynon-prehensilefathandcarryinghiscap，hisgreytrousersbracedupmuchtoohigh，hisfeetatrifleinturned，andgoingacrossthegreatcourtwithaqueertrippingpacethatseemedcultivatedeventomynaiveundergraduateeye。OrIseehimlecturing。Helecturedwalkingupanddownbetweenthedesks，talkinginaflutingrapidvoice，andwiththeutmostlucidity。Ifhecouldnotwalkupanddownhecouldnotlecture。Hismindandvoicehadpreciselythefluidqualityofsomeclearsubtleliquid；onefeltitcouldflowroundanythingandovercomenothing。Anditsnimbleeddieswerewonderful！OragainI
　　recallhimdrinkingportwithlittlemuscularmovementsinhisneckandcheekandchinandhisbrowsknit——veryjudicial，veryconcentrated，preparingtosaytheaptjustthing；itwasthelastthinghewouldhavetoldalieabout。
　　WhenIthinkofCodgerIamremindedofaninscriptionIsawonsomeoccasioninRegent'sParkabovetwoeyesscarcelymorelimpidlyinnocentthanhis——"BornintheMenagerie。"NeveroncesinceCodgerbegantodisplaytheearlypromiseofscholarshipattheageofeightormore，hadhebeenoutsidethebars。Hisutmosttravelhadbeentolecturehereandlecturethere。Hisstudentphasehadculminatedinpapersofquiteexceptionalbrilliance，andhehadgoneontolecturewithacheerfulcombinationofwitandmannerismthathadmadehimasuccessfromthebeginning。Hehaslecturedeversince。Helecturesstill。Yearbyyearhehasbecomeplumper，morerubicundandmoreandmoreofanitemfortheintelligentvisitortosee。Eveninmytimehewaspointedouttopeopleaspartofourinnumerableenrichments，andobviouslyheknewit。HehasbecomenowalmosttheleadingCharacterinalittledonnishworldofmuchtoointenselyappreciatedCharacters。
　　Heboastedhetooknoexercise，andalsoofhisknowledgeofportwine。Ofotherwinesheconfessedquitefranklyhehadno"specialknowledge。"BeyondthesethingshehadlittleprideexceptthatheclaimedtohavereadeverynovelbyawomanwriterthathadeverenteredtheUnionLibrary。This，however，heheldtoberemarkableratherthanennobling，andsuchboastsashemadeofitweretingedwithplayfulness。Certainlyhehadascholar'sknowledgeoftheworksofMissMarieCorelli，MissBraddon，MissElizabethGlynandMadameSarahGrandthatwouldhaveastonishedandflatteredthoseladiesenormously，andhelovednothingsomuchinhishoursofrelaxationastopropoundandanswerdifficultquestionsupontheirbooks。TusherofKing'swashisineffectualrivalinthisfield，theirboutswerememorableandrarelyotherthangloriousforCodger；butthenTusherspreadhimselftoomuch，healsoundertooktorehearsewholepagesoutofBradshaw，andtellyouwithallthechangeshowtogetfromanystationtoanystationinGreatBritainbythenearestandcheapestroutes……
　　Codgerlodgedwithalittledeafinnocentoldlady，Mrs。AramintaMergle，whowasunderstoodtobeherselfaveryredoubtableCharacterintheGyp-Bedderclass；aboutherherelatedquietlyabsurdanecdotes。HedisplayedamarvellousinventioninascribingtoherplausibleexpressionsofopinionentirelyidenticalinimportwiththoseoftheOxfordandHarvardPragmatists，againstwhomhewagedafierceobscurewar……
　　ItwasCodger'sfunctiontoteachmephilosophy，philosophy！theintimatewisdomofthings。HedealtinavarietyofHegelianstufflikenothingelseintheworld，butmarvellouslyconsistentwithitself。Itwasawonderfulwebhespunoutofthatqueerbigactivechildishbrainthathadneverlustednorhatednorgrievednorfearednorpassionatelyloved，——awebofiridescentthreads。HehadluminousfinaltheoriesaboutLoveandDeathandImmortality，oddmatterstheyseemedforhimtothinkabout！andallhiswoventhoughtslayacrossmyperceptionoftherealitiesofthings，asflimsyandirrelevantandcleverandbeautiful，oh！——asadew-wetspider'swebslunginthemorningsunshineacrosstheblackmouthofagun……
　　4
　　AllthroughthoseyearsofdevelopmentIperceivenowtheremusthavebeengrowinginme，slowly，irregularly，assimilatingtoitselfallthephrasesandformsofpatriotism，divertingmyreligiousimpulses，utilisingmyesthetictendencies，mydominatingidea，thestatesman'sidea，thatideaofsocialservicewhichistheprotagonistofmystory，thatrealthoughcomplexpassionforMaking，makingwidelyandgreatly，cities，nationalorder，civilisation，whoseinterplaywithallthoseotherfactorsinlifeI
　　havesetouttopresent。Itwasgrowinginme——asone'sbonesgrow，nomanintendingit。
　　Ihavetriedtoshowhow，quiteearlyinmylife，thefactofdisorderliness，theconceptionofsociallifeasbeingamultitudinousconfusionoutofhand，cametome。Onealwaysofcoursesimplifiesthesethingsinthetelling，butIdonotthinkI
　　eversawtheworldatlargeinanyotherterms。Ineveratanystageentertamedtheideawhichsustainedmymother，andwhichsustainssomanypeopleintheworld，——theideathattheuniverse，whateversuperficialdiscordsitmaypresent，isasamatteroffact"allright，"isbeingsteeredtodefiniteendsbyasereneandunquestionableGod。MymotherthoughtthatOrderprevailed，andthatdisorderwasjustincidentalandforedoomedrebellion；Ifeelandhavealwaysfeltthatorderrebelsagainstandstrugglesagainstdisorder，thatorderhasanup-hilljob，ingardens，experiments，suburbs，everythingalike；fromtheverybeginningsofmyexperienceIdiscoveredhostilitytoorder，aconstantescapingfromcontrol。
　　Thecurrentoflivingandcontemporaryideasinwhichmymindwaspresentlyswimmingmadeallinthesamedirection；inplaceofmymother'sattentive，meticulousbutoccasionallyextremelyirascibleProvidence，thetalkwasalloftheStruggleforExistencandthesurvivalnotoftheBest——thatwasnonsense，butofthefittesttosurvive。
　　TheattemptstorehabilitateFaithintheformoftheIndividualist'sLAISSEZFAIREneverwonuponme。IdislikedHerbertSpencerallmylifeuntilIreadhisautobiography，andthenI
　　laughedalittleandlovedhim。IrememberasearlyastheCityMerchants'dayshowBrittenandIscoffedatthatpompousquestion-
　　beggingword"Evolution，"having，sotospeak，founditout。
　　Evolution，someilluminatingtalkerhadremarkedattheBrittenlunchtable，hadlednotonlytoman，buttotheliver-flukeandskunk，obviouslyitmightleadanywhere；ordercameintothingsonlythroughthestrugglingmindofman。Thatlitthingswonderfullyforus。WhenIwentuptoCambridgeIwasperfectlyclearthatlifewasavariousandsplendiddisorderofforcesthatthespiritofmansetsitselftotame。Ihaveneversincefallenawayfromthatpersuasion。
　　IdonotthinkIwasexceptionallyprecociousinreachingtheseconclusionsandasortofreligiousfinalityformyselfbyeighteenornineteen。Iknowmenandwomenvaryverymuchinthesematters，justaschildrendoinlearningtotalk。Somewillchatterateighteenmonthsandsomewillhardlyspeakuntilthree，andthethinghasverylittletodowiththeirsubsequentmentalquality。
　　Soitiswithyoungpeople；somewillbegintheirreligious，theirsocial，theirsexualinterestsatfourteen，somenotuntilfaroninthetwenties。BrittenandIbelongedtooneoftheprecocioustypes，andCossingtonveryprobablytoanother。Itwasn'tthattherewasanythingpriggishaboutanyofus；weshouldhavebeenprigstohaveconcealedourspontaneousinterestsandapethetheoreticalboy。
　　TheworldofmancentredformyimaginationinLondon，itstillcentresthere；therealandpresentworld，thatistosay，asdistinguishedfromthewonder-landsofatomicandmicroscopicscienceandthestarsandfuturetime。Ihadtravelledscarcelyatall，IhadnevercrossedtheChannel，butIhadreadcopiouslyandI
　　hadformedaverygoodworkingideaofthisroundglobewithitsmountainsandwildernessesandforestsandallthesortsandconditionsofhumanlifethatwerescatteredoveritssurface。Itwasallalive，Ifelt，andchangingeveryday；howitwaschanging，andthechangesmenmightbringabout，fascinatedmymindbeyondmeasure。
　　IusedtofindacharminoldmapsthatshowedTheWorldasKnowntotheAncients，andIwishIcouldnowwithoutanysuspicionofself-
　　deceptionwritedowncompactlytheworldasitwasknowntomeatnineteen。Sofarasextensionwentitwas，Ifancy，veryliketheworldIknownowatforty-two；Ihadpracticallyallthemountainsandseas，boundariesandraces，productsandpossibilitiesthatI
　　havenow。Butitsintensionwasverydifferent。Alltheintervalhasbeenincreasinganddeepeningmysocialknowledge，replacingcrudeandsecond-handimpressionsbyfeltandrealiseddistinctions。
　　In1895——thatwasmylastyearwithBritten，forIwentuptoCambridgeinSeptember——myvisionoftheworldhadmuchthesamerelationtothevisionIhaveto-daythatanill-drawndaubofamaskhastothedirectvisionofahumanface。BrittenandIlookedatourworldandsaw——whatdidwesee？Formsandcolourssidebysidethatwehadnosuspicionwereinterdependent。Wehadnoconceptionoftherootsofthingsnorofthereactionofthings。Itdidnotseemtous，forexample，thatbusinesshadanythingtodowithgovernment，orthatmoneyandmeansaffectedtheheroicissuesofwar。Therewerenowagonsinourwargame，andwheretherewereguns，thereitwasassumedtheammunitionwasgatheredtogether。
　　Financeagainwasasealedbooktous；wedidnotsomuchconnectitwiththebroadaspectsofhumanaffairsasregarditasasortofintrusivenuisancetobeearnestlyignoredbyallright-mindedmen。
　　Wehadnoconceptionofthequalityofpolitics，norhow"interests"
　　cameintosuchaffairs；webelievedmenwereswayedbypurelyintellectualconvictionsandwereeitherrightorwrong，honestordishonestinwhicheasetheydeservedtobeshot，goodorbad。Weknewnothingofmentalinertia，andcouldimaginetheopinionofawholenationchangedbyonelucidandconvincingexposition。Wewerecapableofthemostincongruoustransfersfromthescrollofhistorytoourowntimes，wecouldsupposeBrixtonravagedandHampsteadburntincivilwarsforthesuccessiontothethrone，orCheapsidealaneofdeathandthefrontoftheMansionHousesetaboutwithguillotinesinthecourseofanaccuratelytransposedFrenchRevolution。WerebuiltLondonbyActofParliament，andonceinamoodofhygienicenterprisewetransferreditspopulationEN
　　MASSEtotheNorthDownsbyanorderoftheLocalGovernmentBoard。
　　Wethoughtnothingofthrowingreligiousorganisationsoutofemploymentorsupersedingallthenewspapersbyfreelydistributedbulletins。Wecouldcontemplatethepossibilityoflawsabolishingwholeclasses；wewereequaltosuchadreamasthepeacefulandorderlyproclamationofCommunismfromthestepsofSt。Paul'sCathedral，afterthepassingofasimplywordedbill，——acloseandnotunnaturallyanexcitingdivisioncarryingthethirdreading。I
　　rememberquitedistinctlyevolvingthatvision。Wewerethenfullyfifteenandwewereperfectlyseriousaboutit。Wewerenotfools；
　　itwassimplythatasyetwehadgatherednoexperienceatallofthelimitsandpowersoflegislationandconsciouscollectiveintention……
　　Ithinkthisstatementdoesmyboyhoodjustice，andyetIhavemydoubts。Itissohardnowtosaywhatoneunderstoodandwhatonedidnotunderstand。Itisn'tonlythateverydaychangedone'sgeneraloutlook，butalsothataboyfluctuatesbetweenphasesofquiteadultunderstandingandphasesoftawdrilymagnificentpuerility。SometimesImyselfwasinthosetumbrilsthatwentalongCheapsidetotheMansionHouse，aSydneyCartonesquefigure，awhitedefeatedMirabean；sometimesitwasIwhosatjudgingandcondemningandrulingsleepinginmyclothesandfeedingverysimplythesoulandautocratoftheProvisionalGovernment，whichoccupied，ofallinconvenientplaces！theGeneralPostOfficeatSt。Martin's-le-
　　Grand！……
　　IcannottracethedevelopmentofmyideasatCambridge，butI
　　believethemerephysicalfactofgoingtwohours'journeyawayfromLondongavethatplaceforthefirsttimeaneffectofunityinmyimagination。IgotoutsideLondon。Itbecametangibleinsteadofbeingaframealmostasuniversalasseaandsky。
　　AtCambridgemyideasceasedtoliveinaduologue；inexchangeforBritten，withwhom，however，Icorrespondedlengthily，stylishlyandself-consciouslyforsomeyears，Ihadnowasetofcongenialfriends。Igottalkwithsomeoftheyoungerdons，IlearnttospeakintheUnion，andinmylittlesetwewereallprettybusilysharpeningeachother'switsandcorrectingeachother'sinterpretations。Cambridgemadepoliticspersonalandactual。AtCityMerchants'wehadhadnosenseofeffectivecontact；weboasted，itistrue，anundersecretaryandacolonialgovernoramongouroldboys，buttheywereneverrealtous；suchdistinguishedsonsasreturnedtovisittheoldschoolwereallusiveandpleasantinthebestPinkyDinkystyle，andpretendedtobeinearnestaboutnothingbutourfootballandcricket，tomourntheabolitionof"water，"andfindashudderingpersonalinterestintheancientswishingblock。AtCambridgeIfeltforthefirsttimethatItouchedthethingthatwasgoingon。ReallivingstatesmencamedowntodebateintheUnion，theolderdonshadbeentheircollegeintimates，theirsonsandnephewsexpoundedthemtousandmadethemrealtous。Theyinvitedustoentertainideas；Ifoundmyselfforthefirsttimeinmylifeexpectedtoreadandthinkanddiscuss，mysecretvicehadbecomeavirtue。
　　Thatcombination-roomworldisatlastlargerandmorepopulousandvariousthantheworldofschoolmasters。TheShoesmithsandNaylorswhohadbeenthearistocracyofCityMerchants'fellintotheirplaceinmymind；theybecameanundistinguishedmassonthemoreathleticsideofPinkyDinkyism，andtheirhostilitytoideasandtotheexpressionofideasceasedtolimitandtroubleme。Thebrightermenofeachgenerationstayup；theseothersgodowntopropagatetheirtradition，asthefathersoffamilies，asmediocreprofessionalmen，asassistantmastersinschools。Cambridgewhichperfectsthemisbythenatureofthingsleastoppressedbythem，——
　　exceptwhenitcomestoavoteinConvocation。
　　WewerestillinthosedaysundertheshadowofthegreatVictorians。IneversawGladstoneasIneverseteyesontheoldQueen，buthehadresignedofficeonlyayearbeforeIwentuptoTrinity，andtheCombinationRoomswerefullofpersonalgossipabouthimandDisraeliandtheotherbigfiguresofthegladiatorialstageofParlimentaryhistory，talkthatleakedcopiouslyintosuchsetsasmine。TheceilingofourguestchamberatTrinitywasgloriouswiththearmsofSirWilliamHarcourt，whoseDeathDutieshadseemedatfirstlikeasocialistdawn。Mr。EveshamweaskedtocometotheUnioneveryyear，Masters，ChamberlainandtheoldDukeofDevonshire；theydidnotcomeindeed，buttheirpoliterefusalsbroughtusall，asitwere，withinpersonaltouchofthem。Oneheardofcabinetcouncilsandmeetingsatcountryhouses。Someofus，pursuingsuchinterests，wentsofarastoreadpoliticalmemoirsandthenovelsofDisraeliandMrs。HumphryWard。Fromgossip，exampleandtheillustratednewspapersonelearntsomethingofthewayinwhichpartiesweresplit，coalitionsformed，howpermanentofficialsworkedandcontrolledtheirministers，howmeasureswerebroughtforwardandprojectsmodified。
　　AndwhileIwasgettingthegreatleadingfiguresonthepoliticalstage，whohadbeenpresentedtomeinmyschooldaysnotsomuchasmenasthepantomimicmonstersofpoliticalcaricature，whileIwasgettingthemreducedinmyimaginationtothestatureofhumanity，andtheirmotivestothequalityofimpulseslikemyown，IwasalsoacquiringinmyTriposworkaconstantlydevelopingandenrichingconceptionoftheworldofmenasacomplexofeconomic，intellectualandmoralprocesses……
　　5
　　SocialismisanintellectualProteus，buttothemenofmygenerationitcameastherevoltoftheworkers。RodbertusweneverheardofandtheFabianSocietywedidnotunderstand；MarxandMorris，theChicagoAnarchists，JUSTICEandSocialDemocraticFederationasitwasthenpresentedsocialismtoourminds。
　　HatherleighwastheleadingexponentofthenewdoctrinesinTrinity，andthefigureuponhiswallofahuge-muscled，black-
　　hairedtoilerswaggeringsledgehammerinhandacrossarevolutionarybarricade，seemedthequintessenceofwhathehadtoexpound。
　　Landlordandcapitalisthadrobbedandenslavedtheworkers，andweredrivingthemquiteautomaticallytoinevitableinsurrection。
　　Theywouldariseandthecapitalistsystemwouldfleeandvanishlikethemistsbeforethemorning，likethedewsbeforethesunrise，givingplaceinthemostsimpleandobviousmannertoaneraofRightandJusticeandVirtueandWellBeing，andinshortaPerfectlySplendidTime。
　　IhadalreadydiscussedthissortofsocialismundertheguidanceofBritten，beforeIwentuptoCambridge。Itwasallmixedupwithideasaboutfreedomandnaturalvirtueandagreatscornforkings，titles，wealthandofficials，anditwassymbolisedbytheredtieswewore。Oursimpleverdictonexistingarrangementswasthattheywere"allwrong。"Therichwererobbersandknewit，kingsandprinceswereusurpersandknewit，religiousteacherswereimpostorsinleaguewithpower，theeconomicsystemwasanelaborateplotonthepartofthefewtoexpropriatethemany。Wewentaboutfeelingscornfulofallthecurrentformsoflife，formsthatesteemedthemselvessolid，thatwere，weknew，nomorethanshapespaintedonacurtainthatwaspresentlytobetornaside……
　　ItwasHatherleigh'sposterandhiscapacityforoverstatingthings，Ithink，thatfirstqualifiedmysimplerevolutionaryenthusiasm。
　　PerhapsalsoIhadmetwithFabianpublications，butifIdidI
　　forgetthecircumstances。Andnodoubtmyinnateconstructivenesswithitspracticalcorollaryofananalyticaltreatmentofthematerialsupplied，wasboundtopushmeonbeyondthismelodramaticinterpretationofhumanaffairs。
　　IcomparedthatWorkingManoftheposterwithanysortofworkingmanIknew。Iperceivedthatthelatterwasnotgoingtochange，andindeedcouldnotunderanystimuluswhateverbeexpectedtochange，intotheformer。Itcreptintomymindasslowlyandsurelyasthedawncreepsintoaroomthattheformerwasnot，asIhadatfirstrathergliblyassumed，an"ideal，"butacompletemisrepresentationofthequalityandpossibilitiesofthings。
　　Idonotknownowwhetheritwasduringmyschool-daysoratCambridgethatIfirstbegannotmerelytoseetheworldasagreatcontrastofrichandpoor，buttofeelthemassiveeffectofthatmultitudinousmajorityofpeoplewhotoilcontinually，whoareforeveranxiousaboutwaysandmeans，whoarerestricted，illclothed，illfedandillhoused，whohavelimitedoutlooksandcontinuallysuffermisadventures，hardshipsanddistressesthroughthewantofmoney。Mylothadfallenuponthefringeofthepossessingminority；ifIdidnotknowthewantofnecessitiesIknewshabbiness，andtheworldthatletmegoontoauniversityeducationintimatedveryplainlythattherewasnotathingbeyondtheprimaryneedsthatmystimulatedimaginationmightdemandthatitwouldnotbeaneffortformetosecure。Acertainaggressiveradicalismagainsttherulingandpropertiedclassesfollowedalmostnaturallyfrommycircumstances。Itdidnotatfirstconnectitselfatallwiththeperceptionofaplanlessdisorderinhumanaffairsthathadbeenforceduponmebytheatmosphereofmyupbringing，nordiditlinkmeinsympathywithanyoftheprofounderrealitiesofpoverty。Itwasapersonalindependentthing。ThedingierpeopleonesawinthebackstreetsandlowerquartersofBromsteadandPenge，thedriftofdirtychildren，raggedoldwomen，streetloafers，grimyworkersthatmadethesocialbackgroundofLondon，thestoriesoneheardofprivationandsweating，onlyjoinedupveryslowlywiththegeneralpropositionsIwasmakingaboutlife。WecouldbecomesplendidlyeloquentaboutthesocialrevolutionandthetriumphoftheProletariataftertheClasswar，anditwasonlybyasortofinspirationthatitcametomethatmybedder，agarrulousoldthingwithadustyblackbonnetoveroneeyeandanostentatiouslycleanapronoutsidethedarkmysteriesthatclothedher，orthecheekylittleruffianswhoyelledpapersaboutthestreets，werereallymaterialtosuchquestions。
　　DirectlyanyofusyoungsocialistsofTrinityfoundourselvesinimmediatecontactwithservantsorcadgersorgypsorbeddersorplumbersornavviesorcabmenorrailwayporterswebecameunconsciouslyandunthinkinglyaristocrats。Ourvoicesaltered，ourgesturesaltered。Webehavedjustasalltheothermen，richorpoor，swattersorsportsmenorPinkyDinkys，behaved，andexactlyaswewereexpectedtobehave。OnthewholeitisapopulationofpoorqualityroundaboutCambridge，ratherstuntedandspiritlessandverydifficulttoidealise。ThattheoreticalWorkingManofours！——
　　ifwefelttheclashatallweexplainedit，Isuppose，byassumingthathecamefromanotherpartofthecountry；Esmeer，Iremember，wholivedsomewhereintheFens，wasveryeloquentabouttheCornishfishermen，andHatherleigh，whowasaHampshireman，assuredusweoughttoknowtheScottishminer。MyprivatefancywasfortheLancashireoperativebecauseofhisco-operativesocieties，andbecausewhatLancashirethinksto-dayEnglandthinksto-morrow……
　　AndalsoIhadneverbeeninLancashire。
　　Bylittleincrementsofrealisationitwasthattheprofounderveritiesoftheproblemofsocialismcametome。IthelpedmeverymuchthatIhadtogodowntothePotteriesseveraltimestodiscussmyfuturewithmyuncleandguardian；IwalkedaboutandsawBursleyWakesandmuchofthehumanaspectsoforganisedindustrialismatclosequartersforthefirsttime。ThepictureofasplendidWorkingMancheatedoutofhisinnategloriouspossibilities，andpresentlytoariseanddashthisscoundrellyandscandaloussystemofprivateownershiptofragments，begantogiveplacetoalimitlessspectacleofinefficiency，toaconceptionofmillionsofpeoplenotorganisedastheyshouldbe，noteducatedastheyshouldbe，notsimplypreventedfrombutincapableofnearlyeverysortofbeauty，mostlykindlyandwellmeaning，mostlyincompetent，mostlyobstinate，andeasilyhumbuggedandeasilydiverted。EventhetragicandinspiringideaofMarx，thatthepoorwerenearingalimitofpainfulexperience，andawakeningtoasenseofintolerablewrongs，begantodevelopintothemoreappallingconceptionthatthepoorweresimplyinawitlessuncomfortableinconclusiveway——
　　"muddlingalong"；thattheywantednothingverydefinitelynorveryurgently，thatmeanfearsenslavedthemandmeansatisfactionsdecoyedthem，thattheytooktheverygiftoflifeitselfwithaspiritlesslassitude，hoardingit，beingratheranxiousnottoloseitthantouseitinanywaywhatever。
　　Thecompletedevelopmentofthatrealisationwastheworkofmanyyears。IhadonlythefirstintimationsatCambridge。ButIdidhaveintimations。MostacutelydoIrememberthedoubtsthatfollowedthevisitofChrisRobinson。ChrisRobinsonwasheraldedbysuchheroicanticipations，andhewassoentirelywhatwehadnotanticipated。
　　Hatherleighgothimtocome，arrangedasortofmeetingforhimatRedmayne'sroomsinKing's，andwasveryproudandproprietorial。
　　ItfailedtostirCambridgeatallprofoundly。BeyondafutileattempttoscrewupHatherleighmadebysomeinexpertdufferswhousednailsinsteadofscrewsandgimlets，therewasnoattempttorag。NextdayChrisRobinsonwentandspokeatBennettHallinNewnhamCollege，andleftCambridgeintheeveningamidstthecheersoftwentymenorso。Socialismwasatsuchalowebbpoliticallyinthosedaysthatitdidn'tevenrousementoopposition。
　　AndtheresatChrisunderthatflamboyantandheroicWorkeroftheposter，alittlewrinkledgrey-beardedapologeticmaninready-madeclothes，withwatchfulinnocentbrowneyesandapersistentandinvincibleairofbeingoutofhiselement。Hesatwithhisstoutbootstuckedupunderhischair，andclungtoateacupandsaucerandlookedawayfromusintothefire，andweallsataboutontablesandchair-armsandwindowsillsandboxesandanywhereexceptuponchairsafterthemannerofyoungmen。Theonlyotherchairwhoseseatwasoccupiedwastheonecontaininghisknittedwoollencomforterandhispicturesqueoldbeach-photographer'shat。Wewereallshyanddidn'tknowhowtotakeholdofhimnowwehadgothim，and，whichwasdisconcertinglyunanticipated，hewasmanifestlyhavingthesamedifficultywithus。Wehadexpectedtobegripped。
　　"I'llnotbeknowingwhattosaytotheseChaps，"herepeatedwithanorth-countryqualityinhisspeech。
　　Wemadereassuringnoises。
　　TheAmbassadoroftheWorkersstirredhisteaearnestlythroughanuncomfortablepause。
　　"I'dbesttell'emsomethingofhowthingsareinLancashire，whatwiththenewmachinesandallthat，"hespeculatedatlastwithredreflectionsinhisthoughtfuleyes。
　　Wehadaninexcusabledreadthatperhapshewouldmakeamessofthemeeting。
　　Butwhenhewasnolongerintheunaccustomedmeshesofrefinedconversation，butspeakingwithanaudiencebeforehim，hebecameadifferentman。Hedeclaredhewouldexplaintousjustexactlywhatsocialismwas，andwentonatoncetoanimpassionedcontrastofsocialconditions。"Youyoungmen，"hesaid"comefromhomesofluxury；everyneedyoufeelissupplied——"
　　Wesatandstoodandsprawledabouthim，occupyingeveryinchofRedmayne'sfloorspaceexceptthehearthrug-platform，andwelistenedtohimandthoughthimover。Hewasthevoiceofwrongsthatmadeusindignantandeager。Weforgotforatimethathehadbeenshyandseemednotalittleincompetent，hisprovincialaccentbecameabeautyofhisearnestspeech，wewerecarriedawaybyhisindignations。Welookedwithshiningeyesatoneanotherandatthevariousdonswhohaddroppedinandwerestrivingtomaintainafrontofjudiciousseverity。Wefeltmoreandmorethatsocialinjusticemustcease，andceaseforthwith。Wefeltwecouldnotsleepuponit。Attheendweclappedandmurmuredourapplauseandwantedbadlytocheer。
　　Thenlikealancetstuckintoabladdercametheheckling。Denson，thatindolent，liberal-mindedsceptic，didmostofthequestioning。
　　Helaycontortedinachair，withhisuglyheadverylow，hislegscrossedandhisleftbootveryhigh，andhepointedhisremarkswithalongthinhandandoccasionallyadjustedtheunstableglassesthathidhiswateryeyes。"Idon'twanttocarp，"hebegan。"Thepresentsystem，Iadmit，standscondemned。EverypresentsystemalwaysHASstoodcondemnedinthemindsofintelligentmen。Butwhereitseemstomeyougetthin，isjustwhereeverybodyhasbeenthin，andthat'swhenyoucometotheremedy。"
　　"Socialism，"saidChrisRobinson，asifitansweredeverything，andHatherleighsaid"Hear！Hear！"veryresolutely。
　　"IsupposeIOUGHTtotakethatasananswer，"saidDenson，gettinghisshoulder-bladeswelldowntotheseatofhischair；"butI
　　don't。Idon't，youknow。It'sratherashametocross-examineyouafterthisfineaddressofyours"——ChrisRobinsononthehearthrugmadeacquiescentandinvitingnoises——"buttherealquestionremainshowexactlyareyougoingtoendallthesewrongs？Therearetheadmimstrativequestions。Ifyouabolishtheprivateowner，Iadmityouabolishaverycomplexandclumsywayofgettingbusinessesrun，landcontrolledandthingsingeneraladministered，butyoudon'tgetridoftheneedofadministration，youknow。"
　　"Democracy，"saidChrisRobinson。
　　"Organisedsomehow，"saidDenson。"Andit'sjusttheHowperplexesme。Icanquiteeasilyimagineasocialiststateadministeredinasortofscramblingtumultthatwouldbeworsethananythingwehavegotnow。
　　"Nothingcouldbeworsethanthingsarenow，"saidChrisRobinson。
　　"Ihaveseenlittlechildren——"
　　"Isubmitlifeonanill-provisionedraft，forexample，couldeasilybeworse——orlifeinabeleaguredtown。"
　　Murmurs。
　　Theywrangledforsometime，andithadtheeffectuponmeofcomingoutfromtheglowofagoodmatineeperformanceintothecolddaylightoflateafternoon。ChrisRobinsondidnotshineinconflictwithDenson；hewasanoratorandnotadialectician，andhemissedDenson'spointsanddisplayedadispositiontoplungeintountimelypathosandindignation。AndDensonhitmecuriouslyhardwithoneofhisshafts。"Suppose，"hesaid，"youfoundyourselfprimeminister——"
　　IlookedatChrisRobinson，bright-eyedandhishairalittleruffledandhiswholebeingrhetorical，andmeasuredhimagainstthehugemachineofgovernmentmuddledandmysterious。Oh！butIwasperplexed！
　　AndthenwetookhimbacktoHatherleigh'sroomsanddrankbeerandsmokedabouthimwhilehenursedhiskneewithhairywristedhandsthatprotrudedfromhisflannelshirt，anddranklemonadeunderthecartoonofthatemancipatedWorker，andwehadagreatdiscursivetalkwithhim。
　　"Eh！youshouldseeourbigmeetingsupnorth？"hesaid。
　　Densonhadruffledhimandworriedhimagooddeal，andeverandagainhecamebacktothatdiscussion。"It'sallveryeasyforyourlearnedmentositandpickholes，"hesaid，"whilethechildrensufferanddie。Theydon'tpickholesupnorth。Theymeanbusiness。"
　　Hetalked，andthatwasthemostinterestingpartofitall，ofhisgoingtoworkinafactorywhenhewastwelve——"whenyouChapswereallwithyourmammies"——andhowhehadeducatedhimselfofnightsuntilhewouldfallasleepathisreading。
　　"It'smademanyofuskeenforallourlives，"heremarked，"allthatclemmingforeducation。Why！IlongedallthroughonewintertoreadabitofDarwin。ImustknowaboutthisDarwinifIdieforit，Isaid。AndIcouldno'getthebook。"
　　Hatherleighmadeanenthusiasticnoiseanddrankbeerathimwithroundeyesoverthemug。
　　"Well，anyhowIwastednotimeonGreekandLatin，"saidChrisRobinson。"Andonelearnstogostraightatathingwithoutsplittingstraws。OnegetsholdoftheElementals。"
　　Well，didthey？Thatwasthegistofmyperplexity。
　　"Onedoesn'tquibble，"hesaid，returningtohisranklingmemoryofDenson，"whilemendecayandstarve。"
　　"Butsuppose，"Isaid，suddenlydroppingintoopposition，"thealternatveistoriskaworsedisaster——ordosomethingpatentlyfutile。"
　　"Idon'tfollowthat，"saidChrisRobinson。"Wedon'tproposeanythingfutile，sofarasIcansee。"
　　6
　　TheprevailingforceinmyundergraduatedayswasnotSocialismbutKiplingism。Oursetwasquiteexceptionalinitssocialisticprofessions。Andwewereall，youmustunderstand，verydistinctlyImperialistsalso，andprofessedavividsenseofthe"WhiteMan'sBurden。"
　　Itisalittledifficultnowtogetbacktothefeelingsofthatperiod；Kiplinghassincebeensomercilesslyandexhaustivelymocked，criticisedandtorntoshreds；——neverwasamansoviolentlyexaltedandthen，himselfassisting，sorelentlesslycalleddown。
　　Butinthemiddleninetiesthisspectacledandmoustachedlittlefigurewithitsheavychinanditsgeneraleffectofvehementgesticulation，itswildshoutsofboyishenthusiasmforeffectiveforce，itslyricdelightinthesoundsandcolours，intheveryodoursofempire，itswonderfuldiscoveryofmachineryandcottonwasteandtheunderofficerandtheengineer，and"shop"asapoeticdialect，becamealmostanationalsymbol。Hegotholdofuswonderfully，hefilleduswithtinklingandhauntingquotations，hestirredBrittenandmyselftofutileimitations，hecolouredtheveryidiomofourconversation。Herosetohisclimaxwithhis"Recessional，"whileIwasstillanundergraduate。
　　Whatdidhegivemeexactly？