Thusitcametopassthat,afterthefirstspurt,thebusinessfellbacktoaboutwhereithadbeenbeforeSusancame。
Albert,theAustrianwaiter,explainedtoSusanwhyitwasthatherpopularitydidthehouseapparentlysolittlegood——explainedwithtruthwhereshesuspectedkind-heartedplotting,thatshehadarresteditslatterlyswift-downwardslide。Shewasgladtohearwhathehadtosay,asitwasmostpleasanttohervanity;butshecouldnotgetoverthedepressionofthecentralfact——shewasnotmakingthesortofbusinesstojustifyaskingLangeformorethanboardandlodging;
shewasnotinthewayofmakingthemoneythatwaseachdaymorenecessary,asherlittlestoredwindled。
Thequestionofgettingmoneytoliveonisusuallydismissedinaprincelywaybywritersabouthumanlife。Itisinreality,exceptwiththefewrich,theever-presentquestion——asever-presentasthenecessityofbreathing——anditisnot,likebreathing,amattersettledautomatically。Itdominatesthought;itdeterminesaction。Toleaveitoutofaccountever,inwritingahumanhistory,istomisrepresentanddistortasutterlyaswouldaportraitpainterwhoneglectedtogivehissubjecteyes,orahead,even。Withtheoverwhelmingmassofus,moneyisatalltimesallourliveslongtheparamountquestion——fortobewithoutitisdestructionworsethandeath,andwearealmostallperilouslyneartobeingwithoutit。Thus,airilytopassjudgmentuponmenandwomenastotheirdoingsingettingmoneyfornecessaries,forwhatthecompulsionofcustomandhabithasmadenecessariestothem——airilytojudgethemfortheirdoingsinsuchdirestraitsislikesittingcalmlyonshoreandcriticizingtheconductofpassengersandsailorsinastormbesetsinkingship。Itisoneofthefavoritepastimesofthecomfortableclasses;itmakesanexcellentimpressionastoone”svirtueuponone”saudience;itgivesusapleasingsenseofsuperiordelicacyandhumor。Butitisnonethelessmeanandridiculous。Insteadofcondemnation,theworldneedstobestiritselftoremovethestupidandcruelcreaturesthatmakeevilconductnecessary;forcananyone,notaprig,saythatthesmallpartofthehumanracethatdoeswelldoessobecauseitisnaturallybetterthanthelargepartthatdoesill?
Springwasslowinopening。Susan”sonedresswasinadeplorablestate。Thelininghunginrags。Thenevergoodmaterialwasstretchedoutofshape,wasfrayedandworngrayinspots,wasbeyondbeingmadeupaspresentablebythemostcarefulpressingandcleaning。Shehadbeenforcedtobuyahat,shoes,underclothes。Shehadonlythreedollarsandafewcentsleft,andshesimplydidnotdarelayitalloutindressmaterials。Yet,lessthanallwouldnotbeenough;allwouldnotbeenough。
Langehadfromtimetotimemorethanhintedattheopportunitiesshewashavingasapublicsingerinhishall。
ButSusan,forallherexperience,hadremainedoneofthoseuponwhomsuchopportunitiesmustbethrustiftheyaretobeaccepted。
Solongasshehadfoodandshelter,shecouldnotmakeadvances;shecouldnotevengosofaraspassiveacquiescence。
Sheknewshewasagainviolatingthefundamentalcanonofsuccess;whateverone”sbusiness,doitthoroughlyifatall。
Butshecouldnotovercomehertemperamentwhichhadatthisfeebleandfalseopportunityatonceresenteditself。Sheknewperfectlythatthereinwasthewholecauseofherfailuretomakethesuccesssheoughttohavemadewhenshecameupfromthetenements,andagainwhenshefellintotheclutchesofFreddiePalmer。Butitisonethingtoknow;itisanotherthingtodo。Susanignoredtheattemptsofthemen;shepretendednottounderstandLangewhentheysethimontointercedewithherforthem。Shesawthatshewasoncemoredriftingtodisaster——andthatshehadnotlongtodrift。Shewasexasperatedagainstherself;shewasdisgustedwithherself。Butshedriftedon。
Growingseedierlookingeveryday,shewaited,defyingtheplainteachingsofexperience。Sheeventhoughtseriouslyofgoingtowork。Butthesituationinthatdirectionremainedunchanged。Shewasseeingthings,thereasonsforthings,moreclearlynow,asexperiencedevelopedhermind。Shefeltthattogetoninrespectabilitysheoughttohavebeeneithermoreorlesseducated。Ifshehadbeenusedfrombirthtoconditionsbutastepremovedfromsavagery,shemighthavebeencontentwithwhatoffered,mightevenhavefeltthatshewasrising。Orifshehadbeenbredtoagoodtrade,andeducatedonlytothepointwherehersmallearningscouldhavesatisfiedherdesires,thenshemighthavegotalonginrespectability。Butshehadbeenbreda“lady“;aChinesewomanwhosefeethavebeenboundfrombabyhooduntilherfifteenthorsixteenthyear——howlongitwouldbe,afterherfeetwerefreed,beforeshecouldlearntowalkatall!——andwouldsheeverbeabletolearntowalkwell?
Whatisluxuryforoneissqualorforanother;whatiselevationforonedegradesanother。Inrespectabilityshecouldnotearnwhatwasbarestnecessityforher——whatshewasnowgettingatLange”s——decentshelter,passablefood。Ejectedfromherownclassthatsheltersitswomenandbringsthemupinunfitnessfortheunshelteredlife,shewasdroppingasallsuchwomenmustanddodrop——wasgoingdown,down,down——strikingonthisledgeandthat,andreboundingtoresumehereverdownwardcourse。
Shesawherownplightonlytoovividly。Thosewhoseoutwardandinwardlivesarewideapartgetastrongsenseofdualpersonality。ItwasthuswithSusan。Thereweretimeswhenshecouldnotbelieveintherealityofherexternallife。
Sheoftenglancedthroughthecolumnsoncolumns,pagesonpagesof“wantads“inthepapers——notwiththeideaofansweringthem,forshehadservedherapprenticeshipatthat,butsimplytoforceherselftorealizevividlyjusthowmattersstoodwithher。Thosecolumnsandpagesofcloselyprintedofferingsofwork!Drearytasks,allofthem——tasksdevoidofinterest,ofpersonalsenseofusefulness,taskssimplytokeepdegradingsoulindegeneratingbody,tasksperformedinfilthyfactories,infoul-smellingworkroomsandshops,inunhealthfulsurroundings。Andthis,throughoutcivilization,wasthe“honestwork“sopraised——byallwhodon”tdoit,butlivepleasantlybymakingothersdoit。Wasn”ttheresomethingintheideasofEtta”sfather,oldTomBrashear?Couldn”tsensible,reallylovingpeopledevisesomewayofmakingmosttaskslessrepulsive,oflesseningtheburdensofthosetasksthatcouldn”tbeanythingbutrepulsive?Wasthisstupidsystem,socruel,socrushing,andproducingatthetopsuchabsurdresultsasflashy,insolentautosandsillypalacesandoverfed,overdressedwomen,anddogsinjeweledcollars,andbabiesofwealthbroughtupbylowmenials——wasthissystemreallythebest?
“Ifthey”dstopcantingabout`honestwork”theymightbegintogetsomewhere。”
Intheefforttopreventherdownwarddropfrombeginningagainshesearchedalltheoccupationsopentoher。Shecouldnotfindonethatwouldnothavemeantonlythemostvisionaryprospectofsomeslightremoteadvancement,andthecertainandspeedydestructionofwhatshenowrealizedwasherchiefassetandhope——herpersonalappearance。Andsheresolvedthatshewouldnotevenendangeriteveragain。ThelargestpartofthelittlecapitalshetookawayfromForty-thirdStreethadgonetoadentistwhoputinseveralfillingsofherbackteeth。
Shehadlearnedtovalueeverycharm——hair,teeth,eyes,skin,figure,hands。Shewatchedoverthemall,becauseshefeltthatwhenherdayfinallycame——andcomeitwould,sheneverallowedlongtodoubt——shemustbereadytoenterfullyintoherown。Herday!Thedaywhenfateshouldchangethelifeheroutwardselfwouldbecompelledtolive,wouldbringitintoharmonywiththelifeofinwardself——theselfshecouldcontrol。
Katyhadstruckupafriendshipatonceprofitableandsentimentalwithherstagemanager。Sheoftenstayedoutallnight。OnoneofthesenightsSusan,aloneinthetinyroomandasleep,wasrousedbyfeelinghandsuponher。Shestarteduphalfawakeandscreamed。
“Sh!“cameinLange”svoice。“It”sme。”
Susanhadlatterlyobservedslyattemptsonhisparttomakeadvanceswithouthiswifeanddaughter”ssuspecting;butshehadthoughtherwayofquietlyignoringwaseffective。“Youmustgo,“shewhispered。“Mrs。Langemusthaveheard。”
“Ihadtocome,“saidhehoarsely,amerevoiceinthedarkness。“Ican”tholdoutnolongerwithoutyou,Lorna。”
“Go——go,“urgedSusan。
Butitwastoolate。Inthedoorway,candleinhand,appearedMrs。Lange。Despitehereffortsat“dressiness“shewasinherbesthourhomelyandnearlyshapeless。Innightdressandreleasedfromcorsetsshewashideousandmonstrous。“I
thoughtso!“sheshrieked。“Ithoughtso!“
“Iheardaburglar,mother,“whinedLange,anabjectandguiltyfigure。
“Shutyourmouth,youloafer!“shriekedMrs。Lange。AndsheturnedtoSusan。“Yougutterhussy,getonyourclothesandclearout!“
“But——Mrs。Lange——”beganSusan。
“Clearout!“sheshouted,openingtheouterhall。“Dressmightydamnquickandclearout!“
“Mother,you”llwakethepeopleupstairs,“pleadedLange——andSusanhadneverbeforerealizedhowafraidofhiswifethelittlemanwas。“ForGod”ssake,listentosense。”
“AfterI”vethrownyou——intothestreets,“criedhiswife,besideherselfwithjealousfury。“Getdressed,Itellyou!“
sheshoutedatSusan。
Andthegirlhurriedintoherclothes,makingnofurtherattempttospeak。Sheknewthattopleadandtoexplainwouldbeuseless;evenifMrs。Langebelieved,stillshewoulddrivefromthehousethetemptationtoherhusband。Lange,inaquaking,cowardlywhine,beggedhiswifetobesensibleandbelievehisburglarstory。Butwitheachhalf-dozenwordsheuttered,sheinterruptedtohurlobsceneepithetsathimoratSusan。Thetenantsoftheupstairsflatscamedown。Shetoldherwrongstoadozenhalf-cladmen,womenandchildren;theytookhersideatonce,andwiththewomenleadingshoweredvileinsultsuponSusan。Theuproarwasrising,rising。Langecoweredinacorner,cryingbitterlylikeawhippedchild。
Susan,onlypartlydressed,caughtupherhatandrushedintothehall。Severalwomenstruckatherasshepassed。Shestumbledonthestairs,almostfellheadlong。Withthemostfrightfulwordsintenementhousevocabularypursuinghershefledintothestreet,anddidnotpauseuntilshewaswithinafewyardsoftheBowery。Thereshesatdownonadoorstepand,half-crazedbythehorrorofhersuddendownfall,lacedhershoesandbuttonedherblouseandputonherhatwithfumbling,shakingfingers。IthadallhappenedsoquicklythatshewouldhavethoughtshewasdreamingbutforthecoldnightairandthedingywasteoftheBowerywiththestreetwalkersanddrunkenbumsstrollingalongundertheelevatedtracks。Shehadtrifledwiththeopportunitytoolong。Ithadflownindisgust,dislodgingherasittookflight。Ifshewouldbeoverniceandcritical,wouldhesitatetotaketheonlyupwardpathfatesawfittooffer,then——letherseekthebottom!
Susanpeereddown,andshuddered。
Shewentintothesaloonatthecorner,intothelittlebackroom。Shepoureddowndrinkafterdrinkofthefrightfulpoisonsoldaswhiskeywiththepermissionofagovernmentownedbyeveryinterestthatcanmakebigmoneyoutofaraceoffreemenandsocanaffordtopaybigbribes。Itischaracteristicofthispoisonofthesaloonofthetenementquarterthatitproducesinanyonewhodrinksitaspeciesofquickinsanity,ofimmediatedegeneration——adesiretocommitcrime,tododegradedacts。WithinanhourofSusan”sbeingthrownintothestreets,noonewouldhaverecognizedher。Shehadbeendrinking,hadbeentreatingthetwofadedbutyounganddecentlydressedstreetwalkerswhosatatanothertable。
Thethree,firedandmaddenedbythepoison,wereamusingthemselvesandtwoyoungmenasrecklesslyintoxicatedasthey。
Susan,inanattitudeshehadseenoftenenoughbuthadneverdreamedoftaking,waslaughingwildlyatacoarsesong,wasstandingup,skirtscaughthighandbodyswayingindrunkenrhythmassheledthechorus。
Whenthebarkeeperannouncedclosingtime,oneoftheyoungmensaidtoher:
“Whichway?“
“Tohell,“laughedshe。“I”vebeenthrownouteverywhereelse。
Wanttogoalong?“
“I”llneverdesertaperfectlady,“repliedhe。X
SHEwaslikeonewhohasfallenbleedingandbrokenintoacave;whoafteratimegathershimselftogetherandcrawlstowardafaintandfardistantgleamoflight;whosuddenlyseesthelightnomoreandatthesameinstantlurchesforwardanddownintoadeeperchasm。
Occasionallysheerexhaustionofnervesmadeitimpossibleforhertodrinkherselfagainintoapathybeforetheeffectsofthelastdosesofthepoisonhadwornoff。Intheseintervalsofpartialawakening——sheneverpermittedthemtolengthenout,assuchsensationasshehadwasofonefalling——falling——throughemptyspace——withwhirlingbrainandstrangesoundsintheearsandstrangedistortedsightsorhallucinationsbeforetheeyes——fallingdown——down——whither?——tohowgreatadepth?——orwastherenobottom,butsimplypresentlyaplungingondownintotheblackofdeath”sbottomlessoblivion?
Drink——alwaysdrink。Yetineveryotherwayshetookcareofherhealth——astrangeminglingofprudenceandsubtlehopewithrecklessnessandfrankdespair。Allherrefinement,baffledinthemoralways,concentrateduponthephysical。Shewouldbeneatandwelldressed;shewouldnotletherselfbeseizedofthediseasesonthepariahinthoseregions——thediseasesthroughdirtandignoranceandindifference。
Intheregionsshenowfrequentedrecklessnesswasthekeynote。
Therewasthehilarityofthedoomed;therewasthecynicalorstolidindifferencetoheatorcold,torainorshine,torags,tofilth,tojail,toejectionfornonpaymentofrent,toinsultofwordorblow。Thefireengines——theambulance——thepatrolwagon——thecitydeadwagon——thesewerealleverpassingandrepassingthroughthoseswarmingstreets。Itwasthevastest,themostpopuloustenementareaofthecity。Itsinhabitantsrepresentedthecommonlot——foritisthecommonlotoftheoverwhelmingmassofmankindtoliveneartonakedness,toshelterlessness,tostarvation,withouteverbeingquitenakedorquiterooflessorquitestarved。Themassesareeagerforthenecessities;theclassesareeagerforthecomfortsandluxuries。Themassesareignorant;theclassesareintelligent——or,atleast,shrewd。Theunconsciousandinevitableexploitationofthemassesbytheclassesautomaticallyandofnecessitystopsjustshortofthecatastrophepoint——forthemassesmusthaveenoughtogivethemthestrengthtoworkandreproduce。TogodownthroughthesocialsystemashadSusanfromheroriginalplacewellupamongtheclassesislikedescendingfromthebeautifuldiningroomofthepalacewherethemeatisservedintasteandrefinementuponcostlydishesbywellmanneredservantstoattractivelydressedpeople——descendingalongthevariousstagesofthepreparationofthemeat,ateachstagelessofrefinementandmoreofcoarseness,untiloneatlastarrivesattheslaughterpen。Theshambles,stinkingandreekingbloodandfilth!Theshambles,withhideousgroanorshriek,ormorehideoussilentlookofagony!Theshamblesofsocietywherethebeautyandgraceandcharmofcivilizationarecreatedoutofnoisomesweatandsavagetoil,outofthehealthandstrengthofmenandwomenandchildren,outoftheirgroundupbodies,outoftheirgroundupsouls。Susanknewthoseregionswell。Shehadnotheoriesaboutthem,noresentmentagainstthefortunateclasses,nonotionthatanyotherorbettersystemmightbepossible,anyotherorbetterlifeforthemasses。Shesimplyacceptedlifeasshefoundit,liveditasbestshecould。
Throughoutthemassesofmankindlifeissustainedbyillusions——illusionsofabetterlottomorrow,illusionsofaheavenbeyondagrave,wherethenightmare,lifeinthebody,willendandthereality,lifeinthespirit,willbegin。Shecouldnotjointhethrongsmovingtowardchurchandsynagoguetoindulgeintheirdreamthatthepresentwasadreamfromwhichdeathwouldbeajoyfulawakening。Shealternatelypitiedandenviedthem。Shehadherowndreamthatthisdream,thepresent,wouldendinajoyfulawakeningtosuccessandfreedomandlightandbeauty。Sheadmittedtoherselfthatthedreamwasprobablyanillusion,likethatofthepiousthrongs。
Butshewasasunreasonablytenaciousofherdreamastheywereoftheirs。Shedreameditbecauseshewasahumanbeing——andtobehumanmeanstohope,andtohopemeanstodreamofabrighterfuturehereorhereafter,orbothhereandhereafter。
Theearthispeopledwithdreamers;shewasbutoneofthem。
Thelastthoughtofdespairastheblackearthclosesisahope,perhapsthemostcolossalofhope”sdelusions,thattherewillbeescapeinthegrave。
Thereisthetimewhenwehopeandknowitandbelieveinit。
Thereisthetimewhenwehopeandknowitbuthaveceasedtobelieveinit。Thereisthetimewhenwehope,believingthatwehavealtogetherceasedtohope。ThattimehadcomeforSusan。Sheseemedtothinkaboutthepresent。Shemovedaboutlikeasleepwalker。
Whatwomendidsheknow——whatmen?Sheonlydimlyrememberedfromdaytoday——fromhourtohour。Blurredfacespassedbeforeher,blurredvoicessoundedinherears,blurredpersonalitiestouchedhers。Itwaslikethejostlingofahugecrowdinnightstreets。Avaguesenseofbuffetings——ofrudecontacts——ofmomentarysensationsofpain,ofshame,ofdisgust,allbluntedandsoonforgotten。
Inestimatingsuffering,physicalormental,tofailtotakeintoaccountamoreimportantfactor——themercifulparalysisorpartialparalysisofanycenterofsensibility——thatisinsistentlyassaulted。
Shenolongerhadheadachesornauseaafterdrinkingdeeply。
Andwhereformerlyithadtakenmanystiffdosesofliquortogetherintothestateofrecklessnessorofindifference,shewasnowabletoputherselfintothemoodinwhichlifewasendurablewithtwoorthreedrinks,oftenwithonlyone。Themostmarkedchangewasthatneverbyanychancedidshebecomegay;theskyoverherlifewassteadilygray——grayorblack,tograyagain——neverlighter。
Howfarshehadfallen!Butswiftdescentorgradual,shehadadaptedherself——had,infact,learnedbymuchexperienceofdisastertomitigatethecalamities,tohavesomethingtokeepacertaindeep-lyingselfofselfsintact——unaffectedbywhatshehadbeenforcedtoundergo。Itseemedtoherthatifshecouldgetthechance——orcouldcureherselfoftheblindnesswhichwasalwayspreventingherfromseeingandseizingthechancethatdoubtlessofferedagainandagain——shecouldshedthesurfacehermodeoflifehadformedoverherandwouldfindunderneathanewrealsurface,stronger,sightly,betterabletobear——liketheskinthatformsbeneaththehealingwound。
Inthesetenements,asinalltenementsofalldegrees,sheandtheothersofherclasswerefiercelyresentedbytheheadsoffamilieswheretherewasanyhopelefttoimpelastrivingupward。Shehadthebestfurnishedroominthetenement。Shewasthebestdressedwoman——amarkedandinstantlyrecognizablefigurebecauseofherneatandfinerclothes。Herprofessionkeptaliveandactivetheinstinctsforcareofthepersonthateitherdidnotexistorweremomentaryandfeebleintherespectablewomen。Theslovenliness,thescurrilousnessofeventhewivesanddaughtersofthewell-to-doandtherichofthatregionwouldnothavebeentoleratedinanybuttheloweststrataofherprofession,hardlyeveninthosesoughtbymenofthelaboringclass。Also,thedeephorrorofdisease,whichherintelligenceneverforaninstantpermittedtorelaxitshold,madeherparticularandcarefulwheninothercircumstancesdrinkmighthavereducedhertosqualor。Shespentallherleisuretime——forshenolongerread——inthecareofherperson。
Shewaswatchedwithfrightened,yetlongingandcurious,eyesbyallthegirlswhowereatwork。Themothershatedher;manyofthemspatuponthegroundaftershehadpassed。Itwasaheart-breakingstruggle,thatofthesemotherstosavetheirdaughters,notfromprostitution,notfromlivingwithmenoutsidemarriage,notfrommoraldanger,butfromthepracticaldanger,thedangerofbringingintotheworldchildrenwithnofathertohelpfeedandclothethem。Intheopinionofthesepeople——anopinionoftenfranklyexpressed,rarelyconcealedwithanybutthethinnesthypocrisy——thelifeofprostitutionwasnotsobad。Didthelifeofvirtueofferanyattractivealternative?Whetherawomanwas“bad“or“good,“shemustliveintravailanddieinsqualortobeburiedinornearthePotter”sField。Butifthegirlstilllivingathomewerenot“good,“thatwouldmeanababytobetakencareof,wouldmeanthegirlherselfnotacontributortothefamilysupportbutadoubleburden。Andifshewentintoprostitution,wouldherfamilygetthebenefit?No。
Themothersmadelittleefforttosavetheirsons;theyconcentratedonthedaughters。Itwaspitifultoseehowintheirignorancetheywereunawareofthestrongestforcesworkingagainstthem。Thetalkofallthismotleyhumanity——of“good“nolessthan“bad“women,ofsteadyworkingmen,ofpoliticalheelers,thievesandbumsandrunnersfordives——wasfrankly,oftenhideously,obscene。Thejammedtogetherwayoflivingmademodestyimpossible,orscantestdecency——madethepicturesofitamongtheaspiringfew,usuallyforthebenefitofreligionorcharitablevisitors,apitiful,grotesquehypocrisy。Indeed,theprostituteclasswasthehighestinthisrespect。Thestreetwalkers,thosewhoprospered,hadbettermasters,learnedsomethingaboutthepleasuresandcharmsofprivacy,alsohadmoreleisureinwhichtothink,inhowevercrudeaway,abouttherefinementsoflife,andmoremoneywithwhichtopracticethoserefinements。Theboysfromtheearliestagewereontermsoflicentiousfreedomwiththegirls。Thefavoritechildren”sgames,oftenplayedintheopenstreetwiththeelderslookingonandlaughing,weresexgames。
Theverybabiesusedfoullanguage——thatis,usedthelanguagetheylearnedbothathomeandinthestreet。Itwasprimitiveman;Susanwasatthefoundationoftheworld。
Tospeakoftheconditionsthereasaproductofcivilizationistoshowignoranceofthehistoryofourrace,istofancythatwearecivilizedtoday,wheninfactweare——historically——inaturbulentandpainfulperiodoftransitionfromabetteryesterdaytowardatomorrowinwhichlifewillbeworthlivingasitneverhasbeenbeforeinalltheagesofduration。Inthistodayofmovementtowardcivilizationwhichbeganwiththediscoveryofironandwillendwhenweshallhavediscoveredhowtouseforthebenefitofallthemainforcesofnature——inthistodayofagitationincidenttojourneying,weareinsomerespectsbetteroff,inotherrespectsworseoff,thantheracewastenorfifteenthousandyearsago。Wehavelostmuchofthefreedomthatwasoursbeforetheriseofgovernmentsandrulingclasses;wehavegainedmuch——notsomuchastheignorantandtheunthinkingandtheuneducatedimagine,butstillmuch。Intheendwewhichmeansthemassesofus——willgaininfinitely。Butgainorlosshasnotbeeninso-calledmorality。Thereisnotavirtuethathasnotexistedfromtimeagesbeforerecord。Notavicewhichisshallowlycalled“effete“orthe“productofovercivilization,“butoriginatedbeforemanwasman。
TospeakoftheconditionsinwhichSusanLenoxnowlivedassavageryistomisusetheword。Everytransitionalstageisaccompaniedbyadisintegration。Savagerywasasettledstateinwhicheverymanandeverywomanhadhisorherfixedposition,settleddutiesandrights。Withthedownfallofsavagerywiththebeginningofthejourneytowardthathopeoftomorrow,civilization,everythingintherelationsofmenwithmenandmenwithwomen,becameunsettled。Suchsocialsystemsastheworldhasknownsincehaveallbeenmakeshiftandtemporary——likeoursocialsystemsoftoday,likethemoralandextinctcodesrisingandsinkinginpoweroveravastmultitudeofemigrantsmovingfromadistantabandonedhometowardadistantpromisedlandandforcedtoliveasbesttheycanintheinterval。Inthehistoricday”sjourneyofperhapsfifteenthousandyearsourpresenttimeisbutabriefsecond。Inthatsecondtherehascomeabreakingupofthemakeshiftorganizationwhichlongservedtheworkingmultitudesfairlywell。Theresultisananarchyinwhichthestrongoppresstheweak,inwhichthemassesarebeingcrushedbytheburdensimposeduponthembytheclasses。AndinthatparticularpartofthehumanraceenrouteintowhichfatehadflungSusanLenoxconditionsnotofsavagerybutofprimitivechaoswereprevailing。Alargepartofthepopulationlivedofftheunhappyworkersbyprostitution,bythieving,bypettyswindling,bypolitics,bythevariousdevicesincoarse,crudeandsmallimitationofthedevicesemployedbytherulingclasses。Andthesepettyparasitesimitatedthebigparasitesintheirwaysofspendingtheirdubiouslygotgains。Tohavea“goodtime“wastheidealhereasinidleFifthAvenue;andthenotionsofa“goodtime“invogueinthetwooppositequartersdifferedindegreeratherthaninkind。
Nothingtothinkaboutbuttheappetitesandtheirvices。
Nothingtohopeforbutthenextcarouse。Susanhadbroughtdownwithherfromaboveonedesireunknowntoherassociatesandneighbors——thedesiretoforget。Ifshecouldonlyforget!
Ifthepoisonwouldnotwearoffattimes!
Shecouldnotquiteforget。Andtobeunabletoforgetistoremember——andtorememberistolong——andtolongistohope。
SeveraltimessheheardofFreddiePalmer。Twiceshechanceduponhisnameinthenewspaper——anincidentalreferencetohiminconnectionwithlocalpolitics。Theothertimeswerewhenmentalkingtogetherinthedrinkingplacesfrequentedbybothsexesspokeofhimasaminorpowerintheorganization。Eachtimeshegotasenseofherremoteness,ofhersecurity。OnceshepassedinGrandStreetadetectiveshehadoftenseenwithhiminConsidine”satBroadwayandForty-second。The“bull“
lookedsharplyather。Herheartstoodstill。Buthewentonwithoutrecognizingher。Thesharpglancehadbeensimplythatofficialexpressionofsee-allandknow-allwhichismereformality,partoftheofficiallivery,otherwisemeaningless。
However,itisnottothatdetective”sdiscreditthathefailedtorecognizeher。Shehadadaptedherselftoherchangedsurroundings。
Becauseshewasofadifferentandhigherclass,andbecauseshepickedandchosehercompany,evenwhendrinkhadbecloudedhersensesandinstinctaloneremainedondrowsyguard,sheprospereddespiteherindifference。Forthatregionhaditsaristocracyofrichmerchants,tenement-owners,politicianswhosesons,closeimitatorsoftheuptownaristocraciesinmannersanddress,spentmoneyfreelyintheamusementsthatattractnearlyallyoungmeneverywhere。Susanmadealmostasmuchasshecouldhavemadeinthemorerenownedquartersofthetown。Andpresentlyshewasabletomoveintoatenementwhich,exceptfortwoworkingmen”sfamiliesofabetterclass,wasgivenoverentirelytofastwomen。Itwasmuchbetterkept,muchcleaner,muchbetterfurnishedthanthetenementsforworkerschiefly;theycouldnotafforddecencies,muchlessluxuries。Allthatsortofthingwas,fortheneighborhood,concentratedinthesaloons,thedancehalls,thefasthousesandthefastflats。
HerwalksinGrandStreetandtheBowery,repellingandcapriciousthoughshewaswithheralternatingmoodsofcoldmorosenessandsardonicandmockinggayety,werebringingherinagoodsumofmoneyforthatregion。Sometimesasmuchastwentydollarsaweek,rarelylessthantwelveorfifteen。Anddespiteherdrinkingandherfreehandednesswithherfellow-professionalslessfortunateandwiththestreetbeggarsandfortenementcharities,shehadinherstockingsacapitalofthirty-onedollars。
Sheavoidedthetoughplaces,thehang-outsofthegangs。Sherarelywentaloneintothestreetsatnight——andtheafternoonswere,luckily,bestforbusinessaswellasforsafety。Shemadenofriendsandthereforenoenemies。Withoutmeaningtodosoandwithoutrealizingthatshedidso,sheheldherselfaloofwithouthaughtinessthroughsenseofloneliness,notatallthroughsenseofsuperiority。Haditnotbeenforherscarletlips,afarmoremarkedsigninthatregionthananywhereuptown,shewouldhavepassedinthestreetforamoreorlessrespectablewoman——notthoroughlyrespectable;shewastoowelldressed,toointelligentlycaredfortoseemthegoodworkinggirl。
Ononeofthefewnightswhenshelingeredinthelittlebackroomofthesaloonafewdoorsawayatthecorner,assheenteredthedarkpassagewayofthetenement,strongfingerscloseduponherthroatandshewasbornetothefloor。Sheknewatoncethatshewasintheclutchofoneofthoseterrorsoftenementfastwomen,thelobbygows——menwholivebylyinginwaitinthedarknesstoseizeandrobthelonely,friendlessfastwoman。Shestruggled——andshewasanythingbutweak。Butnotasoundcouldescapefromhertight-pressedthroat。Soonshebecameunconscious。
Oneoftheworkingmen,returningdrunkfromthemeetingoftheunion,inthecornersaloon,stumbledoverher,gaveherakickinhisanger。Thisrousedher;sheutteredafaintcry。
“Thoughtitwasaman,“mumbledhe,dragginghertoasittingposition。Hestruckamatch。“Oh——it”syou!Don”tmakeanynoise。Ifmyoldwomancameout,she”dkillusboth。”
“Nevermindme,“saidSusan。“Iwasonlystunned。”
“Oh,Ithoughtitwasthebooze。Theysayyouhititsomethingfierce。”
“No——alobbygow。”Andshefeltforherstockings。Theyweretornawayfromhergarters。Herbosomalsowasbare,forthelobbygowhadsearchedthere,also。
“Howmuchdidheget?“
“Aboutthirty-five。”
“Thehellhedid!Wantmetocallacop?“
“No,“repliedSusan,whowasonherfeetagain。“What”stheuse?“
“Thosedamncops!“cursedtheworkingman。“They”dprobablypinchyou——orbothofus。Tentoonethelobbygowsdividewiththem。”
“Ididn”tmeanthat,“saidSusan。Thepoliceweremostfriendlyandmostkindtoher。Shewasunderstandingthewaysoftheworldbetternow,andappreciatedthatthepolicethemselveswerepartofthesamevastsystemoftyrannyandrobberythatwascompellingher。Thepolicemadeherpaybecausetheydarednotrefusetobecollectors。Theyboundwhomthemysteriousinvisiblepowercompelledthemtobind;
theyloosedwhomthatsamepowerbadethemloose。Shehadnoquarrelwiththepolice,whoprotectedherfromfarworseoppressionsandoppressorsthanthattowhichtheysubjectedher。Andiftheytoleratedlobbygowsanddividedwiththem,itwasbecausetheovershadowingpowerordaineditso。
“Needn”tbeafraidI”llblowtothecop,“saidthedrunkenartisan。“Youcandamnthecopsallyoupleasetome。TheymakeNewYorkworsethanRussia。”
“Iguesstheydothebesttheycan——likeeverybodyelse,“saidthegirlwearily。
“I”llhelpyouupstairs。”
“No,thankyou,“saidshe。Notthatshedidnotneedhelp;butshewishednodisagreeablescenewiththeworkingman”swifewhomightopenthedoorastheypassedhisfamily”sflat。
Shewentupstairs,themanwaitingbelowuntilsheshouldbesafe——andoutoftheway。Shestaggeredintoherroom,totteredtothebed,felluponit。AgirlnamedClara,wholivedacrossthehall,wassittinginarocking-chairinanightgown,readingaBerthaClaynovelandsmokingacigarette。
Sheglancedup,wasarrestedbythestrangelookinSusan”seyes。
“Hello——beenhittingthepipe,Isee,“saidshe。“DowninGussie”sroom?“
“No。Alobbygow,“saidSusan。
“Didhegetmuch?“
“Aboutthirty-five。”
“The——!“criedClara。“I”llbetitwasGussie”sfellow。
I”vesuspectedhim。Himandherstayin,hittingthepipeallthetime。Thatcostsmoney,andshehasn”tbeenoutforI
don”tknowhowlong。Let”sgodownthereandraisehell。”
“What”stheuse?“saidSusan。
“Yououghtto”a”putitinthesavingsbank。That”swhatI
do——whenIhaveanything。Then,whenI”mrobbed,theyonlygetwhatI”vejustmade。Lasttime,theydidn”tgetnothing——butme。”Andshelaughed。Herteethweregoodinfront,butoutononesideandbeginningtobediscoloredontheother。“Howlonghadyoubeensaving?“
“Nearlysixmonths。”
“Gee!_Isn”t_thathell!“Presentlyshelaughed。“Sixmonths”
workandonlythirty-fivetoshowforit。Guessyou”reaboutaspoorathivingitupasIam。IgiveittothatloaferI
livewith。Yougiveitawaytoanybodythatwantsastake。
Well——what”sthediff?Itallgoes。”
“Givemeacigarette,“saidSusan,sittingupandinspectingthebruisesonherbosomandlegs。“Andgetthatbottleofwhiskeyfromunderthesoiledclothesinthebottomofthewashstand。”
“It_is_somethingtocelebrate,isn”tit?“saidClara。“Myfellow”sgonetohisclubtonight,soIdidn”tgoout。Ineverdoanymore,unlesshe”stheretohangroundandseethatI
ain”tdoneup。You”llhavetogetafellow。You”llhavetocometoit,asI”malwaystellingyou。They”reexpensive,butthey”recompany——anybodyyoucancountonforshiningup,evenifitisforwhattheycangetoutofyou,isbetterthannothavingnobodynowhere。Andtheykeepoffbumsandlobbygowsandscarethebilkersintocoughingup。”
“Notforme,“repliedSusan。
Thegreaterthecatastrophe,thelongerthetimebeforeitisfullyrealized。Susan”slossofthemoneythatrepresentedsomuchofsavageifmomentaryhorror,andsomuchofunconscioushopethiscalamitydidnotoverwhelmherforseveraldays。
Thensheyieldedforthefirsttimetothelureofopium。Shehadlistenedlonginglytothedescriptionsofthedelightsasgirlsandmentold;forpracticallyallofthemsmoked——ortookcocaine。ButtoClara”sorGussie”sinvitationstojointhehappybandofdreamers,shehadalwaysreplied,“Notyet。I”msavingthat。”Now,however,shefeltthatthetimehadcome。
Hopeinthisworldshehadnone。Beforetheblackadventure,whynottrytheworldofblissfulunrealitytowhichitgaveentrance?Whyleavelifeuntilshehadexhaustedallitputwithinherreach?
ShewenttoGussie”sroomatmidnightandflungherselfdowninawrapperuponacouchoppositeasallow,delicateyoungman。
Hisgreatdarkeyesweregazingunseeinglyather,wereperhapsusingherasanoutlinesketchfromwhichhisimaginationcouldpictureabeautyoflovelinessbeyondhuman。Gussietaughtherhowtopreparethelittleballofopium,howtoputitonthepipeanddrawinitsfumes。Hersystemwassowellpreparedforitbythepoisonsshehaddrunkthatshehadsatisfactoryresultsfromtheoutset。Andsheentereduponthehappiestperiodofherlifethusfar。Allthehideousnessofherprofessiondisappearedunderthegorgeousdraperiesoftheimagination。Opium”smagictransformedthevile,theobscene,intothelofty,theromantic,theexalted。Theworldshehadbeenaccustomedtoregardasrealceasedtobeeventheblurthepoisonousliquorshadmadeofit,becameavague,distantthingseeninadream。Heropiumworldbecamethevividreality。
Thelifeshehadbeenleadinghadmadeherextremelythin,hadhardenedanddulledhereyes,hadgivenherthatsad,shudderingexpressionofthefaceuponwhichhavebeatenathousandmercenaryandlustfulkisses。Theopiumsoonchangedallthis。Herskin,alwaystendingtowardpallor,becameofthedeadamber-whiteofoldivory。Herthinnesstookonanetherealtransparencythatgavecharmeventoherslightstoop。
Herfacebecamedreamy,exalted,rapt;andherviolet-grayeyeslookedfromitliketheventsofpoeticalfiresburningwithoutceasinguponanaltartothegodofdreams。Neverhadshebeensobeautiful;neverhadshebeensohappy——notwiththecoarserhappinessofdancingeyeandlaughinglip,butwiththeecstasyofsoulthatisliketheshimmersofatranquilseaquiveringrhythmicallyunderthecaressesofmoonlight。
Inherdescentshehadnowreachedthatlongnarrowshelfalongwhichshewouldwalksolongashealthandlooksshouldlast——unlesssomeaccidentshouldtoppleheroffontheonesideintosuicideorontheothersideintothecriminalprostituteclass。Andsuchaccidentswerelikelytohappen。
Stilltherewasafairchanceofherkeepingherbalanceuntillossoflooksandlossofhealth——theendoftheshelf——shoulddropherabruptlytotheverybottom。Shecouldguesswhatwasthere。Everydayshesawaboutthestreets,mostwretchedandmostforlornofitswretchedandforlornthings,thesolitaryoldwomen,bentandtwisted,wrappedinrottingrags,pickingpapersandtobaccofromtheguttersandburrowingingarbagebarrels,seekingsomehowtogetthedrinkorthedopethatchangedhellintoheavenforthem。
Despiteliquorandopiumandthedegradationsofthestreet-woman”slifeshewalkedthatnarrowledgewithcurioussteadiness。Shewasunconsciousofthecause。Indeed,self-consciousnesshadneverbeenoneofhertraits。Thecauseisinteresting。
Inouregotism,inourshameofwhatweignorantlyregardasthelowlinessofouroriginwearealwaysseekingallegedloftyspiritualexplanationsofourdoings,andoverlooktheactual,quitesimplerealreason。OneofthestrongestfactorsinSusan”sholdingherselftogetherinfaceofoverwhelmingodds,wasthenearlyseventeenyearsofearlytrainingherAuntFannyWarhamhadgivenherinorderlyandsystematicways——aplaceforeverythingandeverythinginitsplace;atimeforeverythingandeverythingatitstime,neatness,scrupulouscleanliness,noneglectingofanyofthesmall,yetlarge,mattersthatconservethebody。SusanhadnotbeensoaptapupilofFannyWarham”saswasRuth,becauseSusanhadnotRuth”snatureoftheold-maidish,cut-and-driedconventional。
ButduringthewholefundamentallyformativeperiodofherlifeSusanLenoxhadbeentrainedtoorderandsystem,andtheyhadbecomepartofherbeing,beyondthepowerofdrinkandopiumandprostitutiontodisintegratethemuntilthegeneralbreak-upshouldcome。Inallherwanderingseverymanorwomanorgirlshehadmetwhowasnotrapidlybreakingup,butwasofferingmoreorlessresistancetotheassaultsofbadhabits,wasonewholikeherselfhadacquiredinchildhoodstronggoodhabitstoopposethebadhabitsandtofightthemwith。Anenemymustbemetwithhisownweaponsorstronger。Thestrongestweaponsthatcanbegivenahumananimalforcombatingthedestructiveforcesofthestruggleforexistencearenotgoodsentimentsorgoodprinciplesorevenpiousormoralpractices——for,badhabitscanmakeshortworkofallthese——butaregoodhabitsinthepractical,materialmattersoflife。Theyoperateautomatically,theyapplytoallthemultitudeofsmall,everyday;semi-unconsciousactionsofthedailyroutine。Theypreservethe_morale_。Andnotmoralitybutmoralsisthewarpofcharacter——thepartwhich,oncedestroyedorevenfrayed,cannotberestored。
Susan,unconsciouslyandtenaciouslypracticingherearlytraininginorderandsystemwhenevershecouldandwherevershecould,hadanenormousadvantageoverthemassofthegirls,bothrespectableandfast。Andwhiletheirevidencewasalwaystoward“goingtopieces“hertendencywasalwaystorepairandtoputoffthebreak-up。
OneJuneeveningshewaslookingthroughthebetterclassofdancehallsanddrinkingresortsforClara,togethertogouptoGussie”sforasmoke。Sheopenedadoorshehadneverhappenedtoenterbefore——adingydoorwiththeglassfrosted。
Justinsidetherewasafetidlittlebar;viewoftherestoftheroomwascutoffbyascreenfrombehindwhichcamethesoundofatunelessoldpiano。SheknewClarawouldnotbeinsuchaden,butoutofcuriositysheglancedroundthescreen。
Shewasseeingalow-ceilingedroom,thewallsalmostdrippingwiththedirtofmanyandmanyahardyear。Inacornerwasthepiano,battered,abouttofalltopieces,itsancientandhorridvoicecrackedbytheliquorwhichhadbeenpouredintoitbyfacetiousdrunkards。Atthekeyboardsatanoldhunchback,broken-jawed,dressedinslimyrags,hisoneeyeinstantlyfixeduponherwithalecherousexpressionthatmadehershiverasitcompelledhertoimaginetheembracehewasevidentlyimagining。Hisfilthyfingerswerepoundingoutawaltz。Aboutthefloorweretotteringinthemeasureofthewaltzascoreofdreadfuloldwomen。Theywereincalico。
Theyhadeachalittlebiscuitknotofwhitehairfirmlyuponthecrownofthehead。Fromtheirbleached,seamedoldfacesgleamedthelongingsorthetormentsofallthepassionstheycouldnolongereitherinspireorsatisfy。Theywereonetimeprostitutes,onetimeyoung,perhapsprettywomen,nowdescendingtodeath——stillprostitutesinheartandmindbutcompelledtoliveasscrubwomen,cleanersofallmannerofloathsomemessesindivesafterthedrunkardshadpassedon。
Theywerenowenjoyingtherewardoftheirtoil,thepleasuresofwhichtheydreamedandtowhichtheylookedforwardastheydraggedtheirstiffoldkneesalongthefloorsinthewakeofthebrushandthecloth。Theyweredrinkingbitingpoisonsfromtincups——forthosehandsquiveringwithpalsycouldnotbetrustedwithglass-dancingwithdrunken,disease-swollenortwistedlegs——ventingfromghastlytoothlessmouthsstrangecriesofmerrimentthatsoundedlikeshrieksofdamnedsoulsatthelickingofquenchlessflames。
Susanstoodrootedtothethresholdofthatfrightfulscene——thatvisionofthefuturetowardwhichshewashurrying。
Afewyears——averyfewyears——and,unlesssheshouldhavepassedthroughtheMorgue,hereshewouldbe,abandoningherbodytoabominationsbeyondbeliefatthehandsofdegenerateorientalsailorstogetafewpenniesfortheprivilegesofthisdancehall。Andshewouldlaugh,asdidthese,wouldenjoyasdidthese,wouldrevelinthefilthhersenseshadbeentrainedtofindsweet。“No!No!“sheprotested。“I”dkillmyselffirst!“Andthenshecoweredagain,asthethoughtcamethatsheprobablywouldnot,anymorethanthesehadkilledthemselves。Thedescentwouldbegradual——nomatterhowswift,stillgradual。Onlytheinsaneputanendtolife。
Yes——shewouldcomeheresomeday。
Sheleanedagainstthewall,herthroatcontractinginafitofnausea。Shegrewcoldallover;herteethchattered。Shetriedinvaintotearhergazefromthespectacle;someinvisiblepowerseemedtobeholdingherheadinavise,thrustingherstrugglingeyelidsviolentlyopen。
Therewereseveralmen,deaddrunk,asleepinoldwoodenchairsagainstthewall。Oneofthesemenwassonearherthatshecouldhavetouchedhim。Hisclothingwassuchanassortmentofragsslimyandgreasyasonesometimesseesuponthetopofafilledgarbagebarreltoadditshorrorsofodoroflongunwashedhumanitytothestenchesfromvegetabledecay。Hiswreckofahardhathadfallenfromhisheadasitdroppedforwardindrunkensleep。Somethingintheshapeoftheheadmadeherconcentrateuponthisman。Shegaveasharpcry,stretchedoutherhand,touchedtheman”sshoulder。
“Rod!“shecried。“Rod!“
Theheadslowlylifted,andthebleary,blowsywreckofRoderickSpenser”shandsomefacewasturnedstupidlytowardher。Intohisgrayeyesslowlycameagleamofrecognition。
Thenshesawtheredofshameburstintohishollowcheeks,andtheheadquicklydrooped。
Sheshookhim。“Rod!It”s_you!_“
“Getthehellout,“hemumbled。“Iwanttosleep。”
“Youknowme,“shesaid。“Iseethecolorinyourface。Oh,Rod——youneedn”tbeashamedbefore_me_。”
Shefelthimquiverunderherfingerspressinguponhisshoulder。Buthepretendedtosnore。
“Rod,“shepleaded,“Iwantyoutocomealongwithme。Ican”tdoyouanyharmnow。”
Thehunchbackhadstoppedplaying。TheoldwomenwerecrowdingroundSpenserandher,werepeeringatthem,witheyeseagerandearsa-cockforromance——fornowhereonthisearthdothestarsshinesosweetlyasdownbetweentheprecipicesofshametotheblackflooroftheslum”sabyss。Spenser,stoopedandshaking,roseabruptly,thrustSusanasidewithasweepofthearmthatmadeherreel,boltedintothestreet。Sherecoveredherbalanceandamidhoarsecroakingsof“That”sright,honey!
Don”tgivehimup!“followedtheshambling,swayingfigure。
Hewastooutterlydrunktogofar;soondownhesank,aheapofragsandfilth,againstastoop。
Shebentoverhim,sawhewasbeyondrousing,straightenedandlookedabouther。TwohonestlookingyoungJewsstopped。
“Won”tyouhelpmegethimhome?“shesaidtothem。
“Sure!“repliedtheyinchorus。And,withnooutwardsignofthedisgusttheymusthavefeltatthecontact,theyliftedupthesot,insuchfantasticcontrasttoSusan”scleanandevenstylishappearance,andborehimalong,tryingtomakehimseemlessthehelplesswhiskey-soakeddeadweight。Theydraggedhimupthetwoflightsofstairsand,asshepushedbackthedoor,depositedhimonthefloor。Sheassuredthemtheycoulddonothingmore,thankedthem,andtheydeparted。Claraappearedinherdoorway。
“GodAlmighty,Lorna!“shecried。“_What_haveyougotthere?
How”ditgetin?“
“You”vebeenadvisingmetotakeafellow,“saidSusan。
“Well——hereheis。”
Claralookedatherasifshethoughthercrazedbydrinkordope。“I”llcallthejanitorandhavehimthrownout。”
“No,he”smylover,“saidSusan。“Willyouhelpmecleanhimup?“
Clara,lookingatSpenser”sfacenow,sawthosesignswhichnotthehardestoftheworld”shardusescancutortearaway。
“Oh!“shesaid,inatoneofsympathy。“He_is_down,isn”the?
Buthe”llpullroundallright。”
Shewentintoherroomtotakeoffherstreetclothesandtogetherselfintogarmentsassuitableasshepossessedforoneofthosenoisometasksthataredoneadozentimesadaybythebathnursesinthereceivingdepartmentofacharityhospital。
Whenshereturned,Susantoowasinherchemiseandreadytobeginthesearchfortheman,ifmantherewasleftdeepburiedinthatmuck。WhileSusantookoffthestinkingandrottenrags,andflungthemintothehall,ClarawenttothebathroomtheyandMollieshared,andfilledthetubwithwaterashotasherhandcouldbear。WithherfootSusanpushedtheragsalongthehallfloorandintothegarbagecloset。ThensheandClaraliftedtheemaciated,dirt-streaked,filth-smearedbody,carriedittothebathroom,letitdownintothewater。Therewereathandplentyofthosestrong,speciallypreparedsoapsandotherdisinfectantsconstantlyusedbythewomenoftheirkindwhostillclingtocleanlinessandhealth。Withthesetheyattackedhim,notasifhewereahumanbeing,butasifheweresomeinanimateobjectthatmustbescouredbeforeitcouldbeused。
Againandagaintheyletoutthewater,black,fullofdeadanddyingvermin;againandagaintheyrinsedhim,attackedhimafresh。Theirtaskgrewlessandlessrepulsiveasthemangraduallyappeared,ayoungmanwithasoftskin,awell-formedbody,unusuallygoodhandsandfeet,adistinguishedfacedespiteitssavagewoundsfromdissipation,hardlythelesshandsomeforthenowfairandcrispbeardwhichgaveitalookofmoreyearsthanSpenserhadlived。
IfSpenserrecoveredconsciousness——anditseemshardlypossiblethathedidnot——hewascarefultoconcealthefact。
Heremainedlimp,inert,apparentlyinastupor。Theygavehimonefinalscrubbing,onefinalrinsing,onefinalthoroughinspection。“Now,he”sallright,“declaredClara。“Whatshallwedowithhim?“
“Puthimtobed,“saidSusan。
Theyhadalreadydriedhimoffintheemptytub。Theynowrubbedhimdownwitharoughtowel,liftedhim,Susantakingtheshoulders,Clarathelegs,andputhiminSusan”sbed。
Clararantoherroom,broughtoneofthetwonightshirtsshekeptforherfellow。Whentheyhadhiminthisandwithasheetoverhim,theycleanedandstraightenedthebathroom,thenlitcigarettesandsatdowntorestandtoadmiretheworkoftheirhands。
“Whoishe?“askedClara。
“AmanIusedtoknow,“saidSusan。Likeallthegirlsinthatlifewitharealstorytotell,shenevertoldaboutherpastself。Nevertell?Theyneverevenrememberifdrinkanddrugswilldotheirduty。
“Idon”tblameyouforlovinghim,“saidClara。“Somehow,theloweramansinksthemoreawomanloveshim。It”stheotherwaywithmen。Butthenmendon”tknowwhatloveis。Andawomandon”treallyknowtillshe”sbeenthroughthemill。”
“Idon”tlovehim,“saidSusan。
“Samething,“repliedthepracticalClara,withawaveofthebarearmattheendofwhichsmokedthecigarette。“What”reyougoingtodowithhim?“
“Idon”tknow,“confessedSusan。
Shewasnotalittleuneasyatthethoughtofhisawakening。
Wouldhedespisehermorethanevernow——flyfromherbacktohisfilth?Wouldhelethertrytohelphim?Andshelookedatthefacewhichhadbeen,inthatotherlifesolong,longago,dearertoherthananyfacehereyeshadeverrestedupon;
asobstarteddeepdownwithinher,founditsslowandpainfulwayupward,shakingherwholebodyandcomingfrombetweenherclenchedteethinagroan。SheforgotallshehadsufferedfromRod——forgotthetruthabouthimwhichshehadslowlypuzzledoutaftershelefthimandasexperienceenabledhertounderstandactionsshehadnotunderstoodatthetime。Sheforgotitall。Thatpast——thatfar,dear,deadpast!Againshewasasimple,innocentgirluponthehighrock,eatingthatwonderfuldinner。Againtheeveninglightfaded,starsandmooncameout,andshefeltthefirstsweetstirringofloveforhim。Shecouldhearhisvoice,thelight,clear,entrancingmelodyoftheDuke”ssong——
LaDonnaemobileQuapennaalvento——
Sheburstintotears——tearsthatdrenchedhersoulastheraindrenchestheblasteddesertandmakesthethingsthatcouldliveinbeautystirdeepinitsbosom。AndClara,sobbinginsympathy,kissedherandstoleaway,softlyclosingthedoor。
“Ifamandie,shallheliveagain?“askedtheoldArabianphilosopher。Ifawomandie,shallsheliveagain?……
Shallnotthatwhichdiesinweaknessliveagaininstrength?……
Lookingathim,ashelaytheresleepingsoquietly,herbeingsurgedwiththeheavingofhighlongingsandhopes。
If_they_couldonlyliveagain!Heretheywere,together,atthelowestdepth,attherockbottomoflife。Iftheycouldbuildonthatrock,buildupontheveryfoundationoftheworld,thenwouldtheyindeedbuildinstrength!Then,nothingcoulddestroy——nothing!……Iftheycouldliveagain!Iftheycouldbuild!
Shehadsomethingtolivefor——somethingtofightfor。Intohereyescameanewlight;intohersoulcamepeaceandstrength。Somethingtolivefor——someonetoredeem。XI
SHEfellasleep,herheadrestinguponherhand,herelbowonthearmofthechair。Sheawokewithashiver;sheopenedhereyestofindhimgazingather。Theeyesofbothshiftedinstantly。“Wouldn”tyoulikesomewhiskey?“sheasked。
“Thanks,“repliedhe,andhisunchangedvoiceremindedhervividlyofhisoldself,obscuredbythebeardandbythedissipatedlook。
Shetookthebottlefromitsconcealmentinthelockedwashstanddrawer,pouredhimoutalargedrink。Whenshecamebackwherehecouldseethewhiskeyintheglass,hiseyesglistenedandheraisedhimselffirstonhiselbow,thentoasittingposition。Hisshakinghandreachedouteagerlyandhisexpectantlipsquivered。Hegulpedthewhiskeydown。
“Thankyou,“hesaid,gazinglonginglyatthebottleasheheldtheemptyglasstowardher。
“More?“
“I_would_likealittlemore,“saidhegratefully。
Againshepouredhimalargedrink,andagainhegulpeditdown。“That”sstrongstuff,“saidhe。“Butthentheysellstrongstuffinthispartoftown。Theotherkindtastesweaktomenow。”
Hedroppedbackagainstthepillows。Shepouredherselfadrink。Halfwaytoherlipstheglasshalted。“I”vegottostopthat,“thoughtshe,“ifI”mgoingtodoanythingforhimorformyself。”Andshepouredthewhiskeybackandputthebottleaway。Thewholeincidenttooklessthanfiveseconds。
Itdidnotoccurthatshewasessayingandachievingtheheroic,thatshehadinthatinstantrevealedherrighttoherdreamofacareerhighabovethecommonlot。
“Don”t_you_drink?“saidhe。
“I”vedecidedtocutitout,“repliedshecarelessly。“There”snothinginit。”
“Icouldn”tlivewithoutit——andwouldn”t。”
“It_is_acomfortwhenone”sonthewaydown,“saidshe。“ButI”mgoingtotrytheotherdirection——forachange。”
Sheheldaboxofcigarettestowardhim。Hetookone,thenshe;sheheldthelightedmatchforhim,litherowncigarette,lettheflameofthematchburnon,sheabsentlywatchingit。
“Lookout!You”llburnyourself!“criedhe。
Shestarted,threwthematchintotheslopjar。“Howdoyoufeel?“inquiredshe。
“Likethedevil,“heanswered。“ButthenIhaven”tknownwhatitwastofeelanyotherwayforseveralmonthsexceptwhenI
couldn”tfeelatall。”Alongsilence,bothsmoking,hethinking,shefurtivelywatchinghim。“Youhaven”tchangedsomuch,“hefinallysaid。“Atleast,notontheoutside。”
“Moreontheoutsidethanontheinside,“saidshe。“Theinsidedoesn”tchangemuch。ThereI”malmostasIwasthatdayonthebigrock。AndIguessyouare,too——aren”tyou?“
“ThedevilIam!I”vegrownhardandbitter。”
“That”salloutside,“declaredshe。“That”stheshell——likethescabthatstaysoverthesorespottillitheals。”
“Sorespot?I”mnothingbutsorespots。I”vebeentreatedlikeadog。”
Andheproceededtotalkabouttheonlysubjectthatinterestedhim——himself。Hespokeinadefensiveway,asifreplyingtosomethingshehadsaidorthought。“I”venotgotdownintheworldwithoutdamngoodexcuse。Iwroteseveralplays,andtheyweretriedoutoftown。ButwenevercouldgetintoNewYork。IthinkBrentwasjealousofme,andhisinfluencekeptmefromahearing。Iknowitsoundsconceited,butI”msureI”mright。”
“Brent?“saidshe,inaqueervoice。“Oh,Ithinkyoumustbemistaken。Hedoesn”tlooklikeamanwhocoulddopettymeanthings。No,I”msurehe”snotpetty。”
“Doyouknowhim?“criedSpenser,inanirritatedtone。
“No。But——someonepointedhimouttomeonce——alongtimeago——onenightintheMartin。Andthen——you”llremember——thereusedtobeagreatdealoftalkabouthimwhenwelivedinForty-thirdStreet。Youadmiredhimtremendously。”
“Well,he”sresponsible,“saidSpenser,sullenly。“Themenontoparealwaystramplingdownthosewhoaretryingtoclimbup。
Hehaditinforme。Oneofmyfriendswhothoughthewasadecentchapgavehimmybestplaytoread。Hereturneditwithsomephrasesaboutitsshowingtalent——oneofthosephrasesthatdon”tmeanadamnthing。Andafewweeksago”Spenserraisedhimselfexcitedly”thethievinghoundproducedaplaythatwasacleanstealfrommine。I”dbelaughedatifI
protestedorsued。ButI_know_,cursehim!“
Hefellbackshakingsoviolentlythathiscigarettedroppedtothesheet。Susanpickeditup,handedittohim。Heeyedherwithangrysuspicion。“Youdon”tbelieveme,doyou?“hedemanded。
“Idon”tknowanythingaboutit,“repliedshe。“Anyhow,whatdoesitmatter?ThemanImetonthatshowboat——theMr。
BurlinghamI”veoftentalkedabout——heusedtosaythatthedogthatstoppedtolickhisscratchesnevercaughtupwiththeprey。”
Heflunghimselfangrilyinthebed。“Youneverdidhaveanyheart——anysympathy。Butwhohas?EvenDrumleywentbackonme——let”emputaroastofmylastplayinthe_Herald_——atelegraphedroastfromNewHaven——saiditwasadeadfailure。
Andwhowroteit?Why,somenewspapercorrespondentinthepayofthe_Syndicate_——andthatmeansBrent。Andofcourseitwasadeadfailure。So——Igaveup——andhereIam……Thisyourroom?“
“Yes。”
“Where”sthisnightshirtcomefrom?“
“Itbelongstothefriendofthegirlacrossthehall。”Helaughedsneeringly。“Thehellitdoes!“mockedhe。“I
understandperfectly。Iwantmyclothes。”
“Nooneiscoming,“saidSusan。“There”snoonetocome。”
Hewaslookingroundthecomfortablelittleroomthatwasthetalkofthewholetenementandwasstirringwivesandfastwomenaliketo“doalittlefixingup。”Saidhe:
“Anicelittlenestyou”vemadeforhim。Youalwaysweregoodatthat。”
“I”vemadeitformyself,“saidshe。“Ineverbringmenhere。”
“Iwantmyclothes,“criedhe。“Ihaven”tsunkthatlow,you——!“
ThewordheuseddidnotgreatlydisturbSusan。Theshellshehadformedoverherselfcouldwardoffbrutalcontactsoflanguagesnolessthanoftheotherkinds。Itdid,however,shockheralittletohearRodSpenseruseawordsocrude。
“Givememyclothes,“heordered,wavinghisfistsinafierce,feeblegesture。
“Theyweretornalltopieces。Ithrewthemaway。I”llgetyousomemoreinthemorning。”
Hedroppedbackagain,ascowluponhisface。“I”vegotnomoney——notadamncent。Ididhalfaday”sworkonthedocksandmadeenoughtoquietmelastnight。”Heraisedhimself。
“Icanworkagain。Givememyclothes!“
“They”regone,“saidSusan。“Theywerecompletelyusedup。”
Thisbroughtbackapparentlyanythingbutdimmemoryofwhathisplighthadbeen。“How”dIhappentogetsoclean?“
“ClaraandIwashedyouoffalittle。Youhadfallendown。”
Helaysilentafewminutes,thensaidinahesitating,ashamedtone,“Mytroubleshavemademeaboor。Ibegyourpardon。
You”vebeentremendouslykindtome。”
“Oh,itwasn”tmuch。Don”tyoufeelsleepy?“
“Notabit。”Hedraggedhimselffromthebed。“But_you_do。
Imustgo。”
Shelaughedinthefriendliestway。“Youcan”t。Youhaven”tanyclothes。”
Hepassedhishandoverhisfaceandcoughedviolently,sheholdinghisheadandsupportinghisemaciatedshoulders。Afterseveralminutesofcoughingandgagging,gaspingandgroaningandspitting,hewasrelievedbythespasmandlaydownagain。
Whenhegothisbreath,hesaid——withrestbetweenwords”I”daskyoutosendfortheambulance,butifthedoctorscatchme,they”lllockmeaway。I”vegotconsumption。Oh,I”llsoonbeoutofit。”
Susansatsilent。Shedidnotdarelookathimlestheshouldseethepityandhorrorinhereyes。
“They”llfindacureforit,“pursuedhe。“ButnottillthedayafterI”mgone。Thatisthewaymyluckruns。Still,I
don”tseewhyIshouldcaretostay——andIdon”t!Haveyouanymoreofthatwhiskey?“
Susanbroughtoutthebottleagain,gavehimthelastofthewhiskey——alargedrink。Hesatup,sippingittomakeitlast。
Henotedthelongrowofbooksontheshelffastenedalongthewallbesidethebed,thebooksandmagazinesonthetable。
Saidhe:
“Asfondofreadingasever,Isee?“
“Fonder,“saidshe。“Ittakesmeoutofmyself。”
“Isupposeyoureadthesortofstuffyoureallylike,now——notthethingsyouusedtoreadtomakeoldDrumleythinkyouwereculturedandintellectual。”
“No——thesamesort,“repliedshe,unruffledbyhiscontemptuous,unjustfling。“Trashboresme。”
“Cometothinkofit,Iguessyoudidhaveprettygoodtasteinbooks。”
Buthewasinterestedinhimself,likeallinvalids;and,likethem,hefanciedhisownintenseinterestcouldnotbutbesharedbyeveryone。Hetalkedonandonofhimself,afterthemanneroffailures——toldofhiswrongs,ofhowfriendshadbetrayedhim,ofthejealousiesandenmitieshistalentshadprovoked。Susanwasusedtothesehard-luckstories,wasusedtoanalyzingthem。Withtheaidofwhatshehadworkedoutastohischaracteraftershelefthim,shehadnodifficultyinseeingthathewasdeceivinghimself,wasexcusinghimself。
Butafterallshehadlivedthrough,afterallshehaddiscoveredabouthumanfrailty,especiallyinherself,shewasnotabletocriticize,muchlesscondemn,anybody。Herdoubtsmerelysethertowonderingwhetherhemightnotalsobeself-deceivedastohisdisease。
“Whydoyouthinkyou”vegotconsumption?“askedshe。
“IwasexaminedatthefreedispensaryupinSecondAvenuetheotherday。I”vesuspectedwhatwasthematterforseveralmonths。TheytoldmeIwasright。”
“Butthedoctorsarealwaysmakingmistakes。I”dnotgiveupifIwereyou。”
“DoyousupposeIwouldifIhadanythingtolivefor?“
“Iwasthinkingaboutthatawhileago——whileyouwereasleep。”
“Oh,I”mallin。That”sacinch。”
“SoamI,“saidshe。“Andaswe”venothingtoloseandnohope,why,tryingtodosomethingwon”tmakeusanyworseoff……
We”vebothstruckthebottom。Wecan”tgoanylower。”Sheleanedforwardand,withherearnesteyesfixeduponhim,said,“Rod——whynottry——together?“
Heclosedhiseyes。
“I”mafraidIcan”tbeofmuchusetoyou,“shewenton。“Butyoucanhelpme。Andhelpingmewillmakeyouhelpyourself。
Ican”tgetupalone。I”vetried。Nodoubtit”smyfault。I
guessI”moneofthosewomenthataren”thardenoughorself-confidentenoughtodowhat”snecessaryunlessI”vegotsomemantomakemedoit。PerhapsI”dgetthe——thestrengthorwhateveritis,whenIwasmucholder。Butbythattimeinmycase——Iguessit”dbetoolate。Won”tyouhelpme,Rod?“
Heturnedhisheadaway,withoutopeninghiseyes。
“You”vehelpedmemanytimes——beginningwiththefirstdaywemet。”
“Don”t,“hesaid。“Iwentbackonyou。Ididsprainmyankle,butIcouldhavecome。”
“Thatwasn”tanything,“repliedshe。“Youhadalreadydoneathousandtimesmorethanyouneededtodo。”
Hishandwanderedalongthecoverinherdirection。Shetouchedit。Theirhandsclasped。
“IliedaboutwhereIgotthemoneyyesterday。Ididn”twork。
Ibegged。Threeofus——fromthesaloontheycalltheOwl”sChute——twoYalemen——oneofthemhadbeenajudge——andI。
We”vebeenbeggingforaweek。Weweregoingoutontheroadinafewdays——torob。Then——Isawyou——inthatoldwomen”sdancehall——theVenusberg,theycallit。”
“You”vecomedownhereforme,Rod。You”lltakemeback?
You”llsavemefromtheVenusberg?“
“Icouldn”tsaveanybody。Susie,atbottomI”mN。G。I
alwayswas——andIknewit。Weak——vain。Butyou!Ifyouhadn”tbeenawoman——andsuchasweet,considerateoneyou”dhavenevergotdownhere。”
“Suchafool,“correctedSusan。“But,onceIgetup,I”llnotbesoagain。I”llfightundertherules,insteadofactinginthesillywaytheyteachusaschildren。”
“Don”tsaythosehardthings,Susie!“
“Aren”ttheytrue?“
“Yes,butIcan”tbeartohearthemfromawoman……I
toldyouthatyouhadn”tchanged。ButafterI”dlookedatyouawhileIsawthatyouhave。You”vegotaterriblelookinyoureyes——wonderfulandterrible。Youhadsomethingofthatlookasachild——thefirsttimeIsawyou。”
“Thedayaftermymarriage,“saidthegirl,tearingherfaceaway。
“Itwastherethen,“hewenton。“Butnow——it”s——it”sheartbreaking,Susiewhenyourfaceisinrepose。”
“I”vegonethroughafirethathasburnedupeverybitofmethatcanburn,“saidshe。“I”vebeenwonderingifwhat”sleftisn”tstrongenoughtodosomethingwith。Ibelieveso——ifyou”llhelpme。”
“Helpyou?I——helpanybody?Don”tmockme,Susie。”
“Idon”tknowaboutanybodyelse,“saidshesweetlyandgently,“butIdoknowaboutme。”
“Nouse——toolate。I”velostmynerve。”Hebegantosob。
“It”sbecauseI”munstrung,“explainedhe。
“Don”tthinkI”mapoorcontemptiblefoolofawhiner……
Yes,I_am_awhiner!Susie,Ioughttohavebeenthewomanandyoutheman。Weak——weak——weak!“
Sheturnedthegaslow,bentoverhim,kissedhisbrow,caressedhim。“Let”sdothebestwecan,“shemurmured。
Heputhisarmroundher。“Iwonderifthere_is_anyhope,“hesaid。“No——therecouldn”tbe。”
“Let”snothope,“pleadedshe。“Let”sjustdothebestwecan。”
“What——forinstance?“
“Youknowthetheaterpeople。Youmightwritealittleplay——asketch——andyouandIcouldactitinoneoftheten-centhouses。”
“That”snotabadidea!“exclaimedhe。“Alittlecomedy——aboutfifteenortwentyminutes。”Andhecastaboutforaplot,foundthebeginningsofonetheancientbuteveracceptablecommonplaceofajealousquarrelbetweentwolovers”I”lllaythesceneinFifthAvenue——there”snothinglowlifelikessomuchashighlife。”Hesketched,shesuggested。Theyplanneduntilbroadday,thenfellasleep,shehalfsittingup,hisheadpilloweduponherlap。
Shewasawakenedbyasenseofaparchingandsuffocatingheat。
Shestartedupwiththeideaoffireinherdrowsymind。Butaglanceathimrevealedtherealcause。Hisfacewasfieryred,andfromhislipscameramblingsentences,muttered,whispered,thatindicatedthedeliriumofahighfever。ShehadfirstseenitwhensheandthenightporterbrokeintoBurlingham”sroomintheWalnutStreetHouse,inCincinnati。
Shehadseenitmanyatimesince;for,whilesheherselfhadneverbeenill,shehadbeensurroundedbyillnessallthetime,andthecommonestformofitwasoneofthesefevers,outragednature”sfrenziedriseagainsttheeverdenserswarmsofenemiesfromwithoutwhichtheslumssenttoattackher。
SusanranacrossthehallandrousedClara,whowouldwatchwhileshewentforadoctor。“You”dbettergetEinsteininGrandStreet,“Claraadvised。
“WhynotSacci?“askedSusan。
“Ourdoctordoesn”tknowanythingbuttheonething——andhedoesn”tliketotakeotherkindsofcases。No,getEinstein……Youknow,he”slikeallofthem——hewon”tcomeunlessyoupayinadvance。”
“Howmuch?“askedSusan。
“Threedollars。I”lllendyouif——”
“No——I”vegotit。”Shehadelevendollarsandsixtycentsintheworld。
Einsteinpronounceditacaseoftyphoid。“Youmustgethimtothehospitalatonce。”
SusanandClaralookedateachotherinterror。Tothem,astothemasseseverywhere,thehospitalmeantalmostcertaindeath;
fortheyassumed——andtheyhadheardagainandagainaccusationswhichwarrantedit——thatthepublichospitaldoctorsandnursestreatedtheirpatientswithneglectalways,withdownrightinhumanityoften。Notadaypassedwithouttheirhearingsomestoryofhospitaloutrageuponpoverty,withouttheirseeingsomeone——usuallysomechild——whowaspayingaheavypenaltyforhavingbeeninthecharitywards。
Einsteinunderstoodtheirexpression。“Nonsense!“saidhegruffly。“Yougirlslooktoosensibletobelievethosesillylies。”
Susanlookedathimsteadily。Hiseyesshifted。“Ofcourse,thepayservice_is_better,“saidheinastrikinglydifferenttone。
“Howmuchwoulditbeatapayhospital?“askedSusan。
“Twenty-fiveaweekincludingmyservices,“saidDoctorEinstein。“Butyoucan”taffordthat。”
“Willhegetthebesttreatmentforthat?“
“Theverybest。AsgoodasifhewereRockefellerorthebigchapuptown。”
“Inadvance,Isuppose?“
“Wouldweevergetourmoneyoutofpeopleifwedidn”tgetitinadvance?We”vegottolivejustthesameasanyotherclass。”
“Iunderstand,“saidthegirl。“Idon”tblameyou。Idon”tblameanybodyforanything。”ShesaidtoClara,“Canyoulendmetwenty?“
“Sure。Comeinandgetit。”WhensheandSusanwereinthehallbeyondEinstein”shearing,shewenton:“I”vegotthetwentyandyou”rewelcometoit。But——Lornahadn”tyoubetter——”
“Inthesamesortofacase,what”d_you_do?“interruptedSusan。
Claralaughed。“Oh——ofcourse。”AndshegaveSusanarollofmuchsoiledbills——afive,therestonesandtwos。
“Icangettheambulancetotakehimfree,“saidEinstein。
“That”llsaveyoufiveforacarriage。”
Sheacceptedthisoffer。Andwhentheambulancewent,withSpenserburningandravinginthetightlywrappedblankets,Susanfollowedinastreetcartoseewithherowneyesthathewasproperlyinstalled。Itwasarrangedthatshecouldvisithimatanyhourandstayaslongassheliked。
Shereturnedtothetenement,tofindthesentimentoftheentireneighborhoodchangedtowardher。Notlossofmoney,notlossofwork,notdispossessionnorfirenordeathisthesupremecalamityamongthepoor,butsickness。Itistheirmostfrequentvisitor——sicknessinallitsmanyfrightfulforms——rheumatismandconsumption,cancerandtyphoidandtherestofthemonsters。Yetneverdothepoorgrowaccustomedorhardened。Andatthesightoftheambulancetheneighborhoodhadbeeninstantlystirred。Whenthereasonforitscominggotabout,Susanbecametheobjectofuniversalsympathyandrespect。Shewasnotsendingherfriendtobeneglectedandkilledatacharityhospital;shewaspayingtwenty-fiveaweekthathemighthaveachanceforlife——twenty-fivedollarsaweek!Theneighborsfeltthatherhighpurposejustifiedanymeansshemightbecompelledtoemployingettingthemoney。
Womenwhohadscowledandspatasshewalkedby,spokefriendlilytoherandwipedtheireyeswiththeirfilthyskirts,andprayedinchurchandsynagoguethatshemightprosperuntilhermanwaswellandtheolddebtpaid。Clarawentfromgrouptogroup,relatingthewholestory,andthetearsflowedateachrecital。Moneytheyhadnonetogive;butwhattheyhadtheygavewiththatgenerositywhichsuddenlytransfiguresragsandfilthandmakesfoulanddistortedbodiesliftinthefulldignityofmembershipinthehumanfamily。