Andhehassowoundhimselfroundtheoldlady’sheart，sir，resumedJob，thatshewouldbelievenothingtohisprejudice，ifyouwentdownonyourbareknees，andsworeit。especiallyasyouhavenoproofbutthewordofaservant，who，foranythingsheknowsandmymasterwouldbesuretosayso，wasdischargedforsomefault，anddoesthisinrevenge。
Whathadbetterbedone，then？saidMr。Pickwick。
Nothingbuttakinghimintheveryfactofeloping，willconvincetheoldlady，sir，repliedJob。
Allthemoldcatswillruntheirheadsaginmile-stones，observedMr。Wellerinaparenthesis。
Butthistakinghimintheveryactofelopement，wouldbeaverydifficultthingtoaccomplish，Ifear，saidMr。Pickwick。
Idon’tknow，sir，saidMr。Trotter，afterafewmoments’reflection。
Ithinkitmightbeveryeasilydone。
How？wasMr。Pickwick’sinquiry。
Why，repliedMr。Trotter，mymasterandI，beingintheconfidenceofthetwoservants，willbesecretedinthekitchenatteno’clock。Whenthefamilyhaveretiredtorest，weshallcomeoutofthekitchen，andtheyoungladyoutofherbed-room。Apost-chaisewillbewaiting，andawaywego。
Well？saidMr。Pickwick。
Well，sir，Ihavebeenthinkingthatifyouwereinwaitinginthegardenbehind，alone——
Alone，saidMr。Pickwick。Whyalone？
Ithoughtitverynatural，repliedJob，thattheoldladywouldn’tlikesuchanunpleasantdiscoverytobemadebeforemorepersonsthancanpossiblybehelped。Theyoungladytoo，sir——considerherfeelings。
Youareveryright，saidMr。Pickwick。Theconsiderationevincesyourdelicacyoffeeling。Goon。youareveryright。
Well，sir，Ihavebeenthinkingthatifyouwerewaitinginthebackgardenalone，andIwastoletyouin，atthedoorwhichopensintoit，fromtheendofthepassage，atexactlyhalf-pasteleveno’clock，youwouldbejustintheverymomentoftimetoassistmeinfrustratingthedesignsofthisbadman，bywhomIhavebeenunfortunatelyensnared。HereMr。
Trottersigheddeeply。
Don’tdistressyourselfonthataccount，saidMr。Pickwick，ifhehadonegrainofthedelicacyoffeelingwhichdistinguishesyou，humbleasyourstationis，Ishouldhavesomehopesofhim。
JobTrotterbowedlow。andinspiteofMr。Weller’spreviousremonstrance，thetearsagainrosetohiseyes。
Ineverseesuchafeller，saidSam。BlessedifIdon’tthinkhe’sgotamaininhisheadasisalwaysturnedon。
Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，withgreatseverity。Holdyourtongue。
Werywell，sir，repliedMr。Weller。
Idon’tlikethisplan，saidMr。Pickwick，afterdeepmeditation。
WhycannotIcommunicatewiththeyounglady’sfriends？
Becausetheyliveonehundredmilesfromhere，sir，respondedJobTrotter。
That’saclincher，saidMr。Weller，aside。
Thenthisgarden，resumedMr。Pickwick。HowamItogetintoit？
Thewallisverylow，sir，andyourservantwillgiveyoualegup。
Myservantwillgivemealegup，repeatedMr。Pickwick，mechanically。
Youwillbesuretobenearthisdoorthatyouspeakof？
Youcannotmistakeit，sir。it’stheonlyonethatopensintothegarden。
Tapatitwhenyouheartheclockstrike，andIwillopenitinstantly。
Idon’tliketheplan，saidMr。Pickwick。butasIseenoother，andasthehappinessofthisyounglady’swholelifeisatstake，Iadoptit。Ishallbesuretobethere。
Thus，forthesecondtime，didMr。Pickwick’sinnategood-feelinginvolvehiminanenterprisefromwhichhewouldmostwillinglyhavestoodaloof。
Whatisthenameofthehouse？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
WestgateHouse，sir。Youturnalittletotherightwhenyougettotheendofthetown。itstandsbyitself，somelittledistanceoffthehighroad，withthenameonabrassplateonthegate。
Iknowit，saidMr。Pickwick。Iobserveditoncebefore，whenIwasinthistown。Youmaydependuponme。
Mr。Trottermadeanotherbow，andturnedtodepart，whenMr。Pickwickthrustaguineaintohishand。
You’reafinefellow，saidMr。Pickwick，andIadmireyourgoodnessofheart。Nothanks。Remember——eleveno’clock。
Thereisnofearofmyforgettingit，sir，repliedJobTrotter。Withthesewordshelefttheroom，followedbySam。
Isay，saidthelatter，notabadnotionthat’erecrying。I’dcrylikearain-waterspoutinashoweronsuchgoodterms。Howdoyoudoit？
Itcomesfromtheheart，Mr。Walker，repliedJob，solemnly。Goodmorning，sir。
You’reasoftcustomer，youare——we’vegotitallouto’you，anyhow，thoughtMr。Weller，asJobwalkedaway。
WecannotstatetheprecisenatureofthethoughtswhichpassedthroughMr。Trotter’smind，becausewedon’tknowwhattheywere。
Thedayworeon，eveningcame，andalittlebeforeteno’clockSamWellerreportedthatMr。JingleandJobhadgoneouttogether，thattheirluggagewaspackedup，andthattheyhadorderedachaise。Theplotwasevidentlyinexecution，asMr。Trotterhadforetold。
Half-pastteno’clockarrived，anditwastimeforMr。Pickwicktoissueforthonhisdelicateerrand。ResistingSam’stenderofhisgreatcoat，inorderthathemighthavenoencumbranceinscalingthewall，hesetforth，followedbyhisattendant。
Therewasabrightmoon，butitwasbehindtheclouds。Itwasafinedrynight，butitwasmotuncommonlydark。Paths，hedges，fields，houses，andtrees，wereenvelopedinonedeepshade。Theatmospherewashotandsultry，thesummerlightningquiveredfaintlyonthevergeofthehorizon，andwastheonlysightthatvariedthedullgloominwhicheverythingwaswrapped——soundtherewasnone，exceptthedistantbarkingofsomerestlesshouse-dog。
Theyfoundthehouse，readthebrassplate，walkedroundthewall，andstoppedatthatportionofitwhichdividedthemfromthebottomofthegarden。
Youwillreturntotheinn，Sam，whenyouhaveassistedmeover，saidMr。Pickwick。
Verywell，sir。
Andyouwillsitup，’tillIreturn。
Cert’nly，sir。
Takeholdofmyleg。and，whenIsay`Over，’raisemegently。
Allright，sir。
Havingsettledthesepreliminaries，Mr。Pickwickgraspedthetopofthewall，andgavethewordOver，whichwasveryliterallyobeyed。Whetherhisbodypartookinsomedegreeoftheelasticityofhismind，orwhetherMr。Weller’snotionsofagentlepushwereofasomewhatrougherdescriptionthanMr。Pickwick’s，theimmediateeffectofhisassistancewastojerkthatimmortalgentlemancompletelyoverthewallontothebedbeneath，where，aftercrushingthreegooseberry-bushesandarose-tree，hefinallyalightedatfulllength。
Youha’n’thurtyourself，Ihope，sir？saidSam，inaloudwhisper，assoonasherecoveredfromthesurpriseconsequentuponthemysteriousdisappearanceofhismaster。
Ihavenothurtmyself，Sam，certainly，repliedMr。Pickwick，fromtheothersideofthewall，butIratherthinkthatyouhavehurtme。
Ihopenot，sir，saidSam。
Nevermind，saidMr。Pickwick，rising，it’snothingbutafewscratches。
Goaway，orweshallbeoverheard。
Good-bye，sir。
Good-bye。
WithstealthystepsSamWellerdeparted，leavingMr。Pickwickaloneinthegarden。
Lightsoccasionallyappearedinthedifferentwindowsofthehouse，orglancedfromthestaircases，asiftheinmateswereretiringtorest。
Notcaringtogotoonearthedoor，untiltheappointedtime，Mr。Pickwickcrouchedintoanangleofthewall，andawaiteditsarrival。
Itwasasituationwhichmightwellhavedepressedthespiritsofmanyaman。Mr。Pickwick，however，feltneitherdepressionnormisgiving。Heknewthathispurposewasinthemainagoodone，andheplacedimplicitrelianceonthehigh-mindedJob。Itwasdull，certainly。nottosay，dreary。
butacontemplativemancanalwaysemployhimselfinmeditation。Mr。Pickwickhadmediatedhimselfintoadoze，whenhewasrousedbythechimesoftheneighbouringchurchringingoutthehour——half-pasteleven。
Thatisthetime，thoughtMr。Pickwick，gettingcautiouslyonhisfeet。Helookedupatthehouse。Thelightshaddisappeared，andtheshutterswereclosed——allinbed，nodoubt。Hewalkedontip-toetothedoor，andgaveagentletap。Twoorthreeminutespassingwithoutanyreply，hegaveanothertapratherlouder，andthenanotherratherlouderthanthat。
Atlengththesoundoffeetwasaudibleuponthestairs，andthenthelightofacandleshonethroughthekey-holeofthedoor。Therewasagooddealofunchainingandunbolting，andthedoorwasslowlyopened。
Nowthedooropenedoutwards：andasthedooropenedwiderandwider，Mr。Pickwickrecededbehindit，moreandmore。Whatwashisastonishmentwhenhejustpeepedout，bywayofcaution，toseethatthepersonwhohadopeneditwas——notJobTrotter，butaservant-girlwithacandleinherhand！Mr。Pickwickdrewinhisheadagain，withtheswiftnessdisplayedbythatadmirablemelodramaticperformer，Punch，whenheliesinwaitfortheflat-headedcomedianwiththetinboxofmusic。
Itmusthavebeenthecat，Sarah，saidthegirl，addressingherselftosomeoneinthehouse。Puss，puss，puss，——tit，tit，tit。
Butnoanimalbeingdecoyedbytheseblandishments，thegirlslowlyclosedthedoor，andre-fastenedit。leavingMr。Pickwickdrawnupstraightagainstthewall。
Thisisverycurious，thoughtMr。Pickwick。Theyaresittingupbeyondtheirusualhour，Isuppose。Extremelyunfortunate，thattheyshouldhavechosenthisnight，ofallothers，forsuchapurpose——exceedingly。Andwiththesethoughts，Mr。Pickwickcautiouslyretiredtotheangleofthewallinwhichhehadbeenbeforeensconced。waitinguntilsuchtimeashemightdeemitsafetorepeatthesignal。
Hehadnotbeenherefiveminutes，whenavividflashoflightningwasfollowedbyaloudpealofthunderthatcrashedandrolledawayinthedistancewithaterrificnoise——thencameanotherflashoflightning，brighterthantheother，andasecondpealofthunderlouderthanthefirst。andthendowncametherain，withaforceandfurythatswepteverythingbeforeit。
Mr。Pickwickwasperfectlyawarethatatreeisaverydangerousneighbourinathunder-storm。Hehadatreeonhisright，atreeonhisleftathirdbeforehim，andafourthbehind。Ifheremainedwherehewas，hemightfallthevictimofanaccident。ifheshowedhimselfinthecentreofthegarden，hemightbeconsignedtoaconstable——onceortwicehetriedtoscalethewall，buthavingnootherlegsthistime，thanthosewithwhichNaturehadfurnishedhim，theonlyeffectofhisstruggleswastoinflictavarietyofveryunpleasantgratingsonhiskneesandshins，andtothrowhimintoastateofthemostprofuseperspiration。
Whatadreadfulsituation，saidMr。Pickwick，pausingtowipehisbrowafterthisexercise。Helookedupatthehouse——allwasdark。Theymustbegonetobednow。Hewouldtrythesignalagain。
Hewalkedontip-toeacrossthemoistgravel，andtappedatthedoor。
Heheldhisbreath，andlistenedatthekeyhole。Noreply：veryodd。Anotherknock。Helistenedagain。Therewasalowwhisperinginside，andthenavoicecried——
Who’sthere？
That’snotJob，thoughtMr。Pickwick，hastilydrawinghimselfstraightupagainstthewallagain。It’sawoman。
Hehadscarcelyhadtimetoformthisconclusion，whenawindowabovestairswasthrownup，andthreeorfourfemalevoicesrepeatedthequery——Who’sthere？
Mr。Pickwickdarednotmovehandorfoot。Itwasclearthatthewholeestablishmentwasroused。Hemadeuphismindtoremainwherehewas，untilthealarmhadsubsided：andthenbyasupernaturalefforttogetoverthewall，orperishintheattempt。
LikeallMr。Pickwick’sdeterminations，thiswasthebestthatcouldbemadeunderthecircumstances。but，unfortunately，itwasfoundedupontheassumptionthattheywouldnotventuretoopenthedooragain。Whatwashisdiscomfiture，whenheheardthechainandboltswithdrawn，andsawthedoorslowlyopening，widerandwider！Heretreatedintothecorner，stepbystep。butdowhathewould，theinterpositionofhisownperson，preventeditsbeingopenedtoitsutmostwidth。
Who’sthere？screamedanumerouschorusoftreblevoicesfromthestaircaseinside，consistingofthespinsterladyoftheestablishment，threeteachers，fivefemaleservants，andthirtyboarders，allhalf-dressed，andinaforestofcurl-papers。
OfcourseMr。Pickwickdidn’tsaywhowasthere。andthentheburdenofthechoruschangedinto——Lor’！Iamsofrightened。
Cook，saidtheladyabbess，whotookcaretobeonthetopstair，theverylastofthegroup——Cook，whydon’tyougoalittlewayintothegarden？
Please，ma’am，Idon’tlike，respondedthecook。
Lor’，whatastupidthingthatcookis！saidthethirtyboarders。
Cook，saidtheladyabbess，withgreatdignity。don’tanswerme，ifyouplease。Iinsistuponyourlookingintothegardenimmediately。
Herethecookbegantocry，andthehousemaidsaiditwasashame！
forwhichpartisanshipshereceivedamonth’swarningonthespot。
Doyouhear，cook？saidtheladyabbess，stampingherfootimpatiently。
Don’tyouhearyourmissus，cook？saidthethreeteachers。
Whatanimpudentthing，thatcookis！saidthethirtyboarders。
Theunfortunatecook，thusstronglyurged，advancedasteportwo，andholdinghercandlejustwhereitpreventedherfromseeinganythingatall，declaredtherewasnothingthere，anditmusthavebeenthewind。
Thedoorwasjustgoingtobeclosedinconsequence，whenaninquisitiveboarder，whohadbeenpeepingbetweenthehinges，setupafearfulscreaming，whichcalledbackthecookandthehousemaid，andallthemoreadventurous，innotime。
WhatisthematterwithMissSmithers？saidtheladyabbess，astheaforesaidMissSmithersproceededtogointohystericsoffouryoungladypower。
Lor’，MissSmithersdear，saidtheothernine-and-twentyboarders。
Oh，theman——theman——behindthedoor！screamedMissSmithers。
Theladyabbessnosoonerheardthisappallingcry，thansheretreatedtoherownbed-room，double-lockedthedoor，andfaintedawaycomfortably。
Theboarders，andtheteachers，andtheservants，fellbackuponthestairs，anduponeachother。andneverwassuchascreaming，andfainting，andstruggling，beheld。InthemidstofthetumultMr。Pickwickemergedfromhisconcealment，andpresentedhimselfamongstthem。
Ladies——dearladies，saidMr。Pickwick。
Oh，hesayswe’redear，criedtheoldestandugliestteacher。Oh，thewretch！
Ladies，roaredMr。Pickwick，rendereddesperatebythedangerofhissituation。Hearme。Iamnorobber。Iwanttheladyofthehouse。
Oh，whataferociousmonster！screamedanotherteacher。HewantsMissTomkins。
Heretherewasageneralscream。
Ringthealarmbell，somebody！criedadozenvoices。
Don’t——don’t，shoutedMr。Pickwick。Lookatme。DoIlooklikearobber！Mydearladies——youmaybindmehandandleg，orlockmeupinacloset，ifyoulike。OnlyhearwhatIhavegottosay——onlyhearme。
Howdidyoucomeinourgarden？falteredthehousemaid。
Calltheladyofthehouse，andI’lltellhereverything——everything：
saidMr。Pickwick，exertinghislungstotheutmostpitch。Callher——onlybequiet，andcallher，andyoushallheareverything。
ItmighthavebeenMr。Pickwick’sappearance，oritmighthavebeenhismanner，oritmighthavebeenthetemptation——irresistibletoafemalemind——ofhearingsomethingatpresentenvelopedinmystery，thatreducedthemorereasonableportionoftheestablishmentsomefourindividuals
toastateofcomparativequiet。Bythemitwasproposed，asatestofMr。Pickwick’ssincerity，thatheshouldimmediatelysubmittopersonalrestraint。andthatgentlemanhavingconsentedtoholdaconferencewithMissTomkins，fromtheinteriorofaclosetinwhichthedayboardershungtheirbonnetsandsandwich-bags，heatoncesteppedintoitofhisownaccord，andwassecurelylockedin。Thisrevivedtheothers。andMissTomkinshavingbeenbroughtto，andbroughtdown，theconferencebegan。
Whatdidyoudoinmygarden，Man？saidMissTomkins，inafaintvoice。
Icametowarnyou，thatoneofyouryoungladieswasgoingtoelopeto-night，repliedMr。Pickwick，fromtheinteriorofthecloset。
Elope！exclaimedMissTomkins，thethreeteachers，thethirtyboarders，andthefiveservants。Whowith？
Yourfriend！Mr。CharlesFitz-Marshall。
Myfriend！Idon’tknowanysuchperson。
Well。Mr。Jingle，then。
Ineverheardthenameinmylife。
Then，Ihavebeendeceived，anddeluded，saidMr。Pickwick。Ihavebeenthevictimofaconspiracy——afoulandbaseconspiracy。SendtotheAngel，mydearma’am，ifyoudon’tbelieveme。SendtotheAngelforMr。
Pickwick’sman-servant，Iimploreyou，ma’am。
Hemustberespectable——hekeepsaman-servant，saidMissTomkinstothewritingandcipheringgoverness。
It’smyopinion，MissTomkins，saidthewritingandcipheringgoverness，thathisman-servantkeepshim。Ithinkhe’samadman，MissTomkins，andtheother’shiskeeper。
Ithinkyouareveryright，MissGwynn，respondedMissTomkins。LettwooftheservantsrepairtotheAngel，andlettheothersremainhere，toprotectus。
SotwooftheservantsweredespatchedtotheAngelinsearchofMr。
SamuelWeller：andtheremainingthreestoppedbehindtoprotectMissTomkins，andthethreeteachers，andthethirtyboarders。AndMr。Pickwicksatdowninthecloset，beneathagroveofsandwich-bags，andawaitedthereturnofthemessengers，withallthephilosophyandfortitudehecouldsummontohisaid。
Anhourandahalfelapsedbeforetheycameback，andwhentheydidcome，Mr。Pickwickrecognised，inadditiontothevoiceofMr。SamuelWeller，twoothervoices，thetonesofwhichstruckfamiliarlyonhisear。butwhosetheywere，hecouldnotforthelifeofhimcalltomind。
Averybriefconversationensued。Thedoorwasunlocked。Mr。Pickwicksteppedoutofthecloset，andfoundhimselfinthepresenceofthewholeestablishmentofWestgateHouse。Mr。SamuelWeller，and——oldWardle，andhisdestinedson-in-law，Mr。Trundle！
Mydearfriend，saidMr。Pickwick，runningforwardandgraspingMr。
Wardle’shand，mydearfriend，pray，forHeaven’ssake，explaintothisladytheunfortunateanddreadfulsituationinwhichIamplaced。Youmusthavehearditfrommyservant。say，atallevents，mydearfellow，thatIamneitherarobbernoramadman。
Ihavesaidso，mydearfriend。Ihavesaidsoalready，repliedMr。
Wardle，shakingtherighthandofhisfriend，whileMr。Trundleshooktheleft。
Andwhoeversays，orhassaid，heis，interposedMr。Weller，steppingforward，saysthatwhichisnotthetruth，butsofarfromit，onthecontrary，quitetherewerse。Andifthere’sanynumbero’menontheseherepremisesashassaidso，Ishallbeweryhappytogive’emallaweryconvincingproofo’theirbeingmistaken，inthishereweryroom，iftheseweryrespectableladies’llhavethegoodnesstoretire，andorder’emup，oneatatime。Havingdeliveredthisdefiancewithgreatvolubility，Mr。Wellerstruckhisopenpalmemphaticallywithhisclenchedfist，andwinkedpleasantlyonMissTomkins：theintensityofwhosehorrorathissupposingitwithintheboundsofpossibilitythattherecouldbeanymenonthepremisesofWestgateHouseEstablishmentforYoungLadies，itisimpossibletodescribe。
Mr。Pickwick’sexplanationhavingalreadybeenpartiallymade，wassoonconcluded。Butneitherinthecourseofhiswalkhomewithhisfriends，norafterwardswhenseatedbeforeablazingfireatthesupperhesomuchneeded，couldasingleobservationbedrawnfromhim。Heseemedbewilderedandamazed。Once，andonlyonce，heturnedroundtoMr。Wardle，andsaid——
Howdidyoucomehere？
TrundleandIcamedownhere，forsomegoodshootingonthefirst，
repliedWardle。Wearrivedto-night，andwereastonishedtohearfromyourservantthatyouwereheretoo。ButIamgladyouare，saidtheoldfellow，slappinghimontheback。Iamgladyouare。Weshallhaveajovialpartyonthefirst，andwe’llgiveWinkleanotherchance——eh，oldboy？
Mr。Pickwickmadenoreply。hedidnotevenaskafterhisfriendsatDingleyDell，andshortlyafterwardsretiredforthenight，desiringSamtofetchhiscandlewhenherung。
Thebelldidringinduecourse，andMr。Wellerpresentedhimself。
Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingoutfromunderthebed-clothes。
Sir，saidMr。Weller。
Mr。Pickwickpaused，andMr。Wellersnuffedthecandle。
Sam，saidMr。Pickwickagain，asifwithadesperateeffort。
Sir，saidMr。Weller，oncemore。
WhereisthatTrotter？
Job，sir？
Yes。
Gone，sir。
Withhismaster，Isuppose？
Friendormaster，orwhateverheis，he’sgonewithhim，repliedMr。
Weller。There’sapairon’em，sir。
Jinglesuspectedmydesign，andsetthatfellowonyou，withthisstory，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick，halfchoking。
Justthat，sir，repliedMr。Weller。
Itwasallfalse，ofcourse？
All，sir，repliedMr。Weller。Reg’lardo，sir。artfuldodge。
Idon’tthinkhe’llescapeusquitesoeasilythenexttime，Sam？
saidMr。Pickwick。
Idon’tthinkhewill，sir。
WheneverImeetthatJingleagain，whereveritis，saidMr。Pickwick，raisinghimselfinbed，andindentinghispillowwithatremendousblow，I’llinflictpersonalchastisementonhim，inadditiontotheexposurehesorichlymerits。Iwill，ormynameisnotPickwick。
AndweneverIcatchesholdo’thattheremelan-chollychapwiththeblackhair，saidSam，ifIdon’tbringsomerealwaterintohiseyes，foronceinaway，mynamea’ntWeller。Goodnight，sir！
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter17[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXVIISHOWINGTHATANATTACKOFRHEUMATISMINSOMECASES，ACTSASAQUICKENERTOINVENTIVEGENIUS
THEconstitutionofMr。Pickwick，thoughabletosustainaveryconsiderableamountofexertionandfatigue，wasnotproofagainstsuchacombinationofattacksashehadundergoneonthememorablenight，recordedinthelastchapter。Theprocessofbeingwashedinthenightair，andrough-driedinacloset，isasdangerousasitispeculiar。
Mr。Pickwickwaslaidupwithanattackofrheumatism。
Butalthoughthebodilypowersofthegreatmanwerethusimpaired，hismentalenergiesretainedtheirpristinevigour。Hisspiritswereelastic。
hisgoodhumourwasrestored。Eventhevexationconsequentuponhisrecentadventurehadvanishedfromhismind。andhecouldjoinintheheartylaughterwhichanyillusiontoitexcitedinMr。Wardle，withoutangerandwithoutembarrassment。Nay，more。DuringthetwodaysMr。Pickwickwasconfinedtohisbed，Samwashisconstantattendant。Onthefirst，heendeavouredtoamusehismasterbyanecdoteandconversation。onthesecond，Mr。Pickwickdemandedhiswriting-desk，andpenandink，andwasdeeplyengagedduringthewholeday。Onthethird，beingabletositupinhisbedchamber，hedespatchedhisvaletwithamessagetoMr。WardleandMr。Trundle，intimatingthatiftheywouldtaketheirwinethere，thatevening，theywouldgreatlyobligehim。Theinvitationwasmostwillinglyaccepted。andwhentheywereseatedovertheirwine，Mr。Pickwickwithsundryblushes，producedthefollowinglittletale，ashavingbeeneditedbyhimself，duringhisrecentindisposition，fromhisnotesofMr。Weller’sunsophisticatedrecital。
THEPARISHCLERKATALEOFTRUELOVE
Onceuponatimeinaverysmallcountrytown，ataconsiderabledistancefromLondon，therelivedalittlemannamedNathanielPipkin，whowastheparishclerkofthelittletown，andlivedinalittlehouseinthelittleHighStreet，withintenminutes’walkofthelittlechurch。andwhowastobefoundeverydayfromninetillfour，teachingalittlelearningtothelittleboys。NathanielPipkinwasaharmless，inoffensive，good-naturedbeing，withaturned-upnose，andratherturned-inlegs：acastinhiseye，andahaltinhisgait。andhedividedhistimebetweenthechurchandhisschool，verilybelievingthatthereexistednot，onthefaceoftheearth，socleveramanasthecurate，soimposinganapartmentasthevestry-room，orsowell-orderedaseminaryashisown。Once，andonlyonce，inhislife，NathanielPipkinhadseenabishop——arealbishop，withhisarmsinlawnsleeves，andhisheadinawig。Hehadseenhimwalk，andheardhimtalk，ataconfirmation，onwhichmomentousoccasionNathanielPipkinwassoovercomewithreverenceandawe，whentheaforesaidbishoplaidhishandonhishead，thathefaintedrightcleanaway，andwasborneoutofchurchinthearmsofthebeadle。
Thiswasagreatevent，atremendousera，inNathanielPipkin’slife，anditwastheonlyonethathadeveroccurredtorufflethesmoothcurrentofhisquietexistence，whenhappeningonefineafternoon，inafitofmentalabstraction，toraisehiseyesfromtheslateonwhichhewasdevisingsometremendousproblemincompoundadditionforanoffendingurchintosolve，theysuddenlyrestedonthebloomingcountenanceofMariaLobbs，theonlydaughterofoldLobbs，thegreatsaddlerovertheway。Now，theeyesofMr。PipkinhadrestedontheprettyfaceofMariaLobbsmanyatimeandoftbefore，atchurchandelsewhere。buttheeyesofMariaLobbshadneverlookedsobright，thecheeksofMariaLobbshadneverlookedsoruddy，asuponthisparticularoccasion。Nowonderthen，thatNathanielPipkinwasunabletotakehiseyesfromthecountenanceofMissLobbs。
nowonderthatMissLobbs，findingherselfstaredatbyayoungman，withdrewherheadfromthewindowoutofwhichshehadbeenpeeping，andshutthecasementandpulleddowntheblind。nowonderthatNathanielPipkin，immediatelythereafter，fellupontheyoungurchinwhohadpreviouslyoffended，andcuffedandknockedhimabout，tohisheart’scontent。Allthiswasverynatural，andthere’snothingatalltowonderataboutit。
Itismatterofwonder，though，thatanyoneofMr。Nathaniel’sPipkinretiringdisposition，nervoustemperament，andmostparticularlydiminutiveincome，shouldfromthisdayforth，havedaredtoaspiretothehandandheartoftheonlydaughterofthefieryoldLobbs——ofoldLobbsthegreatsaddler，whocouldhaveboughtupthewholevillageatonestrokeofhispen，andneverfelttheoutlay——oldLobbs，whowaswellknowntohaveheapsofmoney，investedinthebankatthenearestmarkettown——oldLobbs，whowasreportedtohavecountlessandinexhaustibletreasures，hoardedupinthelittleironsafewiththebigkey-hole，overthechimney-pieceinthebackparlours-oldLobbs，whoitwaswellknown，onfestiveoccasionsgarnishedhisboardwitharealsilvertea-pot，cream-ewer，andsugar-basin，whichhewaswont，intheprideofhisheart，toboastshouldbehisdaughter’spropertywhenshefoundamantohermind。Irepeatit，tobematterofprofoundastonishmentandintensewonder，thatNathanielPipkinshouldhavehadthetemeritytocasthiseyesinthisdirection。Butloveisblind：
andNathanielhadacastinhiseye：andperhapsthesetwocircumstances，takentogether，preventedhisseeingthematterinitsproperlight。
Now，ifoldLobbshadentertainedthemostremoteordistantideaofthestateoftheaffectionsofNathanielPipkin，hewouldhavejustrazedtheschool-roomtotheground，orexterminateditsmasterfromthesurfaceoftheearth，orcommittedsomeotheroutrageandatrocityofanequallyferociousandviolentdescription。forhewasaterribleoldfellow，wasLobbs，whenhispridewasinjured，orhisbloodwasup。Swear！Suchtrainsofoathswouldcomerollingandpealingovertheway，sometimes，whenhewasdenouncingtheidlenessofthebonyapprenticewiththethinlegs，thatNathanielPipkinwouldshakeinhisshoeswithhorror，andthehairofthepupils’headswouldstandonendwithfright。
Well！Dayafterday，whenschoolwasover，andthepupilsgone，didNathanielPipkinsithimselfdownatthefrontwindow，andwhilehefeignedtobereadingabook，throwsidelongglancesoverthewayinsearchofthebrighteyesofMariaLobbs。andhehadn’tsattheremanydays，beforethebrighteyesappearedatanupperwindow，apparentlydeeplyengagedinreadingtoo。Thiswasdelightful，andgladdeningtotheheartofNathanielPipkin。Itwassomethingtositthereforhourstogether，andlookuponthatprettyfacewhentheeyeswerecastdown。butwhenMariaLobbsbegantoraisehereyesfromherbook，anddarttheirraysinthedirectionofNathanielPipkin，hisdelightandadmirationwereperfectlyboundless。
Atlast，onedaywhenheknewoldLobbswasout，NathanielPipkinhadthetemeritytokisshishandtoMariaLobbs。andMariaLobbs，insteadofshuttingthewindow，andpullingdowntheblind，kissedherstohim，andsmiled。Uponwhich，NathanielPipkindetermined，that，comewhatmight，hewoulddevelopthestateofhisfeelings，withoutfurtherdelay。
Aprettierfoot，agayerheart，amoredimpledface，orasmarterform，neverboundedsolightlyovertheearththeygraced，asdidthoseofMariaLobbs，theoldsaddler’sdaughter。Therewasaroguishtwinkleinhersparklingeyes，thatwouldhavemadeitswaytofarlesssusceptiblebosomsthanthatofNathanielPipkin。andtherewassuchajoyoussoundinhermerrylaugh，thatthesternestmisanthropemusthavesmiledtohearit。EvenoldLobbshimself，intheveryheightofhisferocity，couldn’tresistthecoaxingofhisprettydaughter。andwhenshe，andhercousinKate——anarch，impudent-looking，bewitchinglittleperson——madeadeadsetupontheoldmantogether，as，tosaythetruth，theyveryoftendid，hecouldhaverefusedthemnothing，evenhadtheyaskedforaportionofthecountlessandinexhaustibletreasures，whichwerehiddenfromthelight，intheironsafe。
NathanielPipkin’sheartbeathighwithinhim，whenhesawthisenticinglittlecouplesomehundredyardsbeforehimonesummer’sevening，intheveryfieldinwhichhehadmanyatimestrolledabouttillnight-time，andponderedonthebeautyofMariaLobbs。Butthoughhehadoftenthoughtthen，howbrisklyhewouldwalkuptoMariaLobbsandtellherofhispassionifhecouldonlymeether，hefeltnowthatshewasunexpectedlybeforehim，allthebloodinhisbodymountingtohisface，manifestlytothegreatdetrimentofhislegs，which，deprivedoftheirusualportion，trembledbeneathhim。Whentheystoppedtogatherahedge-flower，orlistentoabird，NathanielPikpinstoppedtoo，andpretendedtobeabsorbedinmeditation，asindeedhereallywas。forhewasthinkingwhatonearthheshouldeverdo，whentheyturnedback，astheyinevitablymustintime，andmeethimfacetoface。Butthoughhewasafraidtomakeuptothem，hecouldn’tbeartolosesightofthem。sowhentheywalkedfaster，hewalkedfaster，whentheylingeredhelingered，andwhentheystoppedhestopped。andsotheymighthavegoneon，untilthedarknesspreventedthem，ifKatehadnotlookedslylyback，andencouraginglybeckonedNathanieltoadvance。
TherewassomethinginKate’smannerthatwasnottoberesisted，andsoNathanielPipkincompliedwiththeinvitation。andafteragreatdealofblushingonhispart，andimmoderatelaughteronthatofthewickedlittlecousin，NathanielPipkinwentdownonhiskneesonthedewygrass，anddeclaredhisresolutiontoremainthereforever，unlesshewerepermittedtorisetheacceptedloverofMariaLobbs。Uponthis，themerrylaughterofMariaLobbsrangthroughthecalmeveningair——withoutseemingtodisturbit，though。ithadsuchapleasantsound——andthewickedlittlecousinlaughedmoreimmoderatelythanbefore，andNathanielPipkinblusheddeeperthanever。Atlength，MariaLobbsbeingmorestrenuouslyurgedbythelove-wornlittleman，turnedawayherhead，andwhisperedhercousintosay，oratalleventsKatedidsay，thatshefeltmuchhonouredbyMr。Pipkin’saddresses。thatherhandandheartwereatherfather’sdisposal。butthatnobodycouldbeinsensibletoMr。Pipkin’smerits。Asallthiswassaidwithmuchgravity，andasNathanielPipkinwalkedhomewithMariaLobbs，andstruggledforakissatparting，hewenttobedahappyman，anddreamedallnightlong，ofsofteningoldLobbs，openingthestrongbox，andmarryingMaria。
Thenextday，NathanielPipkinsawoldLobbsgooutuponhisoldgreypony，andafteragreatmanysignsatthewindowfromthewickedlittlecousin，theobjectandmeaningofwhichhecouldbynomeansunderstand，thebonyapprenticewiththethinlegscameovertosaythathismasterwasn’tcominghomeallnight，andthattheladiesexpectedMr。Pipkintotea，atsixo’clockprecisely。Howthelessonsweregotthroughthatday，neitherNathanielPipkinnorhispupilsknewanymorethanyoudo。buttheyweregotthroughsomehow，and，aftertheboyshadgone，NathanielPipkintooktillfullsixo’clocktodresshimselftohissatisfaction。
Notthatittooklongtoselectthegarmentsheshouldwear，inasmuchashehadnochoiceaboutthematter。buttheputtingofthemontothebestadvantage，andthetouchingofthemuppreviously，wasataskofnoinconsiderabledifficultyorimportance。
Therewasaverysnuglittleparty，consistingofMariaLobbsandhercousinKate，andthreeorfourromping，good-humoured，rosy-cheekedgirls。
NathanielPipkinhadoculardemonstrationofthefact，thattherumoursofoldLobbs’streasureswerenotexaggerated。Thereweretherealsolidsilvertea-pot，cream-ewer，andsugar-basin，onthetable，andrealsilverspoonstostirtheteawith，andrealchinacupstodrinkitoutof，andplatesofthesame，toholdthecakesandtoastin。Theonlyeye-soreinthewholeplace，wasanothercousinofMariaLobbs’s，andabrotherofKate，whomMariaLobbscalled`Henry，’andwhoseemedtokeepMariaLobbsalltohimself，upinonecornerofthetable。It’sdelightfulthingtoseeaffectioninfamilies，butitmaybecarriedrathertoofar，andNathanielPipkincouldnothelpthinkingthatMariaLobbsmustbeveryparticularlyfondofherrelations，ifshepaidasmuchattentiontoallofthemastothisindividualcousin。Aftertea，too，whenthewickedlittlecousinproposedagameofblindman’sbuff，itsomehoworotherhappenedthatNathanielPipkinwasnearlyalwaysblind，andwheneverhelaidhishanduponthemalecousin，hewassuretofindthatMariaLobbswasnotfaroff。Andthoughthewickedlittlecousinandtheothergirlspinchedhim，andpulledhishair，andpushedchairsinhisway，andallsortsofthings，MariaLobbsneverseemedtocomenearhimatall。andonce——once——NathanielPipkincouldhaveswornheheardthesoundofakiss，followedbyafaintremonstrancefromMariaLobbs，andahalf-suppressedlaughfromherfemalefriends。Allthiswasodd——veryodd——andthereisnosayingwhatNathanielPipkinmightormightnothavedone，inconsequence，ifhisthoughtshadnotbeensuddenlydirectedintoanewchannel。
Thecircumstanceswhichdirectedhisthoughtsintoanewchannelwasaloudknockingatthestreet-door，andthepersonwhomadethisloudknockingatthestreet-door，wasnootherthanoldLobbshimself，whohadunexpectedlyreturned，andwashammeringawaylikeacoffin-maker：forhewantedhissupper。Thealarmingintelligencewasnosoonercommunicatedbythebonyapprenticewiththethinlegs，thanthegirlstrippedup-stairstoMariaLobbs’sbed-room，andthemalecousinandNathanielPipkinwerethrustintoacoupleofclosetsinthesitting-room，forwantofanybetterplacesofconcealment。andwhenMariaLobbsandthewickedlittlecousinhadstowedthemaway，andputtheroomtorights，theyopenedthestreetdoortooldLobbs，whohadneverleftoffknockingsincehefirstbegan。
NowitdidunfortunatelyhappenthatoldLobbsbeingveryhungrywasmonstrouscross。NathanielPipkincouldhearhimgrowlingawaylikeanoldmastiffwithasorethroat。andwhenevertheunfortunateapprenticewiththethinlegscameintotheroom，sosurelydidoldLobbscommenceswearingathiminamostSaracenicandferociousmanner，thoughapparentlywithnootherendorobjectthanthatofeasinghisbosombythedischargeofafewsuperfluousoaths。Atlengthsomesupper，whichhadbeenwarmingup，wasplacedonthetable，andthenoldLobbsfellto，inregularstyle。
andhavingmadeclearworkofitinnotime，kissedhisdaughter，anddemandedhispipe。
NaturehadplacedNathanielPipkin’skneesinveryclosejuxtaposition，butwhenheheardoldLobbsdemandhispipe，theyknockedtogether，asiftheyweregoingtoreduceeachothertopowder。for，dependingfromacoupleofhooks，intheveryclosetinwhichhestood，wasalargebrown-stemmed，silver-bowledpipe，whichpipehehimselfhadseeninthemouthofoldLobbs，regularlyeveryafternoonandevening，forthelastfiveyears。
Thetwogirlswentdown-stairsforthepipe，andup-stairsforthepipe，andeverywherebutwheretheyknewthepipewas，andoldLobbsstormedawaymeanwhile，inthemostwonderfulmanner。Atlasthethoughtofthecloset，andwalkeduptoit。ItwasofnousealittlemanlikeNathanielPipkinpullingthedoorinwardswhenagreatstrongfellowlikeoldLobbswaspullingitoutwards。OldLobbsgaveitonetugandopenitflew，disclosingNathanielPipkinstandingboltuprightinside，andshakingwithapprehensionfromheadtofoot。Blessus！whatanappallinglookoldLobbsgavehim，ashedraggedhimoutbythecollar，andheldhimatarm’slength。
`Why，whatthedevildoyouwanthere？’saidoldLobbs，inafearfulvoice。
NathanielPipkincouldmakenoreply，sooldLobbsshookhimbackwardsandforwards，fortwoorthreeminutes，bywayofarranginghisideasforhim。
`Whatdoyouwanthere？’roaredLobbs，`Isupposeyouhavecomeaftermydaughter，now？’
OldLobbsmerelysaidthisasasneer：forhedidnotbelievethatmortalpresumptioncouldhavecarriedNathanielPipkinsofar。Whatwashisindignation，whenthatpoormanreplied：
`Yes，Idid，Mr。Lobbs。Ididcomeafteryourdaughter。Iloveher，Mr。Lobbs。’
`Why，yousnivelling，wry-faced，punyvillain，’gaspedoldLobbs，paralysedbytheatrociousconfession。`whatdoyoumeanbythat？Saythistomyface！Damme，I’llthrottleyou！’
ItisbynomeansimprobablethatoldLobbswouldhavecarriedthisthreatintoexecution，intheexcessofhisrage，ifhisarmhadnotbeenstayedbyaveryunexpectedapparition，towit，themalecousin，who，steppingoutofhiscloset，andwalkinguptooldLobbs，said：
`Icannotallowthisharmlessperson，sir，whohasbeenaskedhereinsomegirlishfrolic，totakeuponhimselfinaverynoblemanner，thefaultiffaultitiswhichIamguiltyof，andamreadytoavow。Iloveyourdaughter，sir。andIamhereforthepurposeofmeetingher。’
OldLobbsopenedhiseyesverywideatthis，butnotwiderthanNathanielPipkin。
`Youdid？’saidLobbs：atlastfindingbreathtospeak。
`Idid。’
`AndIforbadeyouthishouse，longago。’
`Youdid，orIshouldnothavebeenhere，clandestinely，to-night。’
IamsorrytorecorditofoldLobbs，butIthinkhewouldhavestruckthecousin，ifhisprettydaughter，withherbrighteyesswimmingintears，hadnotclungtohisarm。
`Don’tstophim，Maria，’saidtheyoungman：`ifhehasthewilltostrikeme，lethim。Iwouldnothurtahairofhisgreyhead，fortherichesoftheworld。’
Theoldmancastdownhiseyesatthisreproof，andtheymetthoseofhisdaughter。Ihavehintedonceortwicebefore，thattheywereverybrighteyes，and，thoughtheyweretearfulnow，theirinfluencewasbynomeanslessened。OldLobbsturnedhisheadaway，asiftoavoidbeingpersuadedbythem，when，asfortunewouldhaveit，heencounteredthefaceofthewickedlittlecousin，who，halfafraidforherbrother，andhalflaughingatNathanielPipkin，presentedasbewitchinganexpressionofcountenance，withatouchofshynessinittoo，asanyman，oldoryoung，needlookupon。Shedrewherarmcoaxinglythroughtheoldman’s，andwhisperedsomethinginhisear。anddowhathewould，oldLobbscouldn’thelpbreakingoutintoasmile，whileatearstoledownhischeekatthesametime。
Fiveminutesafterthis，thegirlswerebroughtdownfromthebed-roomwithagreatdealofgigglingandmodesty。andwhiletheyoungpeopleweremakingthemselvesperfectlyhappy，oldLobbsgotdownhispipe，andsmokedit：anditwasaremarkablecircumstanceaboutthatparticularpipeoftobacco，thatitwasthemostsoothinganddelightfuloneheeversmoked。
NathanielPipkinthoughtitbesttokeephisowncounsel，andbysodoinggraduallyroseintohighfavourwitholdLobbs，whotaughthimtosmokeintime。andtheyusedtositoutinthegardenonthefineevenings，formanyyearsafterwards，smokinganddrinkingingreatstate。Hesoonrecoveredtheeffectsofhisattachment，forwefindhisnameintheparishregister，asawitnesstothemarriageofMariaLobbstohercousin。anditalsoappears，byreferencetootherdocuments，thatonthenightoftheweddinghewasincarceratedinthevillagecage，forhaving，inastateofextremeintoxication，committedsundryexcessesinthestreets，inallofwhichhewasaidedandabettedbythebonyapprenticewiththethinlegs。mile，whileatearstoledownhischeekatthesametime。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter18[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXVIIIBRIEFLYILLUSTRATIVEOFTWOPOINTS——FIRST，THEPOWER
OFHYSTERICS，AND，SECONDLY，THEFORCEOFCIRCUMSTANCES
FORtwodaysafterthebreakfastatMrs。Hunter’sthePickwickiansremainedatEatanswill，anxiouslyawaitingthearrivalofsomeintelligencefromtheirreveredleader。Mr。TupmanandMr。Snodgrasswereonceagainlefttotheirownmeansofamusement。forMr。Winkle，incompliancewithamostpressinginvitation，continuedtoresideatMr。
Pott’shouse，andtodevotehistimetothecompanionshipofhisamiablelady。NorwastheoccasionalsocietyofMr。Potthimself，wantingtocompletetheirfelicity。DeeplyimmersedintheintensityofhisspeculationsforthepublicwealandthedestructionoftheIndependent，itwasnotthehabitofthatgreatmantodescendfromhismentalpinnacletothehumblelevelofordinaryminds。Onthisoccasion，however，andasifexpresslyincomplimenttoanyfollowerofMr。Pickwick’s，heunbent，relaxed，steppeddownfromhispedestal，andwalkedupontheground：benignlyadaptinghisremarkstothecomprehensionoftheherd，andseeminginoutwardform，ifnotinspirit，tobeoneofthem。
SuchhavingbeenthedemeanourofthiscelebratedpubliccharactertowardsMr。Winkle，itwillbereadilyimaginedthatconsiderablesurprisewasdepictedonthecountenanceofthelattergentleman，when，ashewassittingaloneinthebreakfast-room，thedoorwashastilythrownopen，andashastilyclosed，ontheentranceofMr。Pott，who，stalkingmajesticallytowardshim，andthrustingasidehisprofferedhand，groundhisteeth，asiftoputasharperedgeonwhathewasabouttoutter，andexclaimed，inasaw-likevoice，——
Serpent！
Sir！exclaimedMr。Winkle，startingfromhischair。
Serpent，sir，repeatedMr。Pott，raisinghisvoice，andthensuddenlydepressingit。Isaid，Serpent，sir——makethemostofit。
Whenyouhavepartedwithaman，attwoo’clockinthemorning，ontermsoftheutmostgoodfellowship，andhemeetsyouagain，athalf-pastnine，andgreetsyouasaserpent，itisnotunreasonabletoconcludethatsomethingofanunpleasantnaturehasoccurredmeanwhile。SoMr。Winklethought。
HereturnedMr。Pott’sgazeofstone，andincompliancewiththatgentleman’srequest，proceededtomakethemosthecouldoftheserpent。Themost，however，wasnothingatall。soafteraprofoundsilenceofsomeminutes’
duration，hesaid，——
Serpent，sir！Serpent，Mr。Pott！Whatcanyoumean，sir？——thisispleasantry。
Pleasantry，sir！exclaimedPott，withamotionofthehand，indicativeofastrongdesiretohurltheBritanniametaltea-potattheheadofhisvisitor。Pleasantry，sir！——butno，Iwillbecalm。Iwillbecalm，sir。
inproofofhiscalmness，Mr。Pottflunghimselfintoachair，andfoamedatthemouth。
Mydearsir，interposedMr。Winkle。
Dearsir！repliedPott。Howdareyouaddressme，asdearsir，sir？Howdareyoulookmeinthefaceanddoit，sir？
Well，sir，ifyoucometothat，respondedMr。Winkle，howdareyoulookmeintheface，andcallmeaserpent，sir？
Becauseyouareone，repliedMr。Pott。
Proveit，sir，saidMr。Winkle，warmly。Proveit。
Amalignantscowlpassedovertheprofoundfaceoftheeditor，ashedrewfromhispocket，theIndependentofthatmorning。andlayinghisfingeronaparticularparagraph，threwthejournalacrossthetabletoMr。Winkle。
Thatgentlemantookitup，andreadasfollows：——
Ourobscureandfilthycontemporary，insomedisgustingobservationsontherecentelectionforthisborough，haspresumedtoviolatethehallowedsanctityofprivatelife，andtorefer，inamannernottobemisunderstood，tothepersonalaffairsofourlatecandidates-aye，andnotwithstandinghisbasedefeat，wewilladd，ourfuturemember，Mr。Fizkin。Whatdoesourdastardlycontemporarymean？Whatwouldtheruffiansay，ifwe，settingatnaught，likehim，thedecenciesofsocialintercourse，weretoraisethecurtainwhichhappilyconcealsHISprivatelifefromgeneralridicule，nottosayfromgeneralexecration？What，ifwewereeventopointout，andcommenton，factsandcircumstances，whicharepubliclynotorious，andbeheldbyeveryone，butourmole-eyedcontemporary——whatifweweretoprintthefollowingeffusion，whichwereceivedwhilewewerewritingthecommencementofthisarticle，fromatalentedfellow-townsmanandcorrespondent！`LINESTOABRASS
POT`Oh，Pott！ifyou’dknownHowfalseshe’dhavegrown，Whenyouheardthemarriagebellstinkle。You’dhavedonethen，Ivow，Whatyoucannothelpnow，AndhandedherovertoW’
`What，saidMr。Pott，solemnly：whatrhymesto`tinkle，’villain？
Whatrhymestotinkle？saidMrs。Pott，whoseentranceatthemomentforestalledthereply。Whatrhymestotinkle？Why，Winkle，Ishouldconceive：
sayingthis，Mrs。PottsmiledsweetlyonthedisturbedPickwickian，andextendedherhandtowardshim。Theagitatedyoungmanwouldhaveacceptedit，inhisconfusion，hadnotPottindignantlyinterposed。
Back，ma’am——back！saidtheeditor。Takehishandbeforemyveryface！
Mr。P。！saidhisastonishedlady。
Wretchedwoman，lookhere，exclaimedthehusband。Lookhere，ma’am——`LinestoabrassPot。’`Brasspot’——that’sme，ma’am。`Falseshe’dhavegrown’——that’syou，ma’am——you。Withthisebullitionofrage，whichwasnotunaccompaniedwithsomethinglikeatremble，attheexpressionofhiswife’sface，Mr。PottdashedthecurrentnumberoftheEatanswillIndependentatherfeet。
Uponmyword，sir，saidtheastonishedMrs。Pott，stoopingtopickupthepaper。Uponmyword，sir！
Mr。Pottwincedbeneaththecontemptuousgazeofhiswife。Hehadmadeadesperatestruggletoscrewuphiscourage，butitwasfastcomingunscrewedagain。
Thereappearsnothingverytremendousinthislittlesentence，Uponmyword，sir，whenitcomestoberead。butthetoneofvoiceinwhichitwasdelivered，andthelookthataccompaniedit，bothseemingtobearreferencetosomerevengetobethereaftervisitedupontheheadofPott，producedtheirfulleffectuponhim。Themostunskilfulobservercouldhavedetectedinhistroubledcountenance，areadinesstoresignhisWellingtonbootstoanyefficientsubstitutewhowouldhaveconsentedtostandinthematthatmoment。
Mrs。Pottreadtheparagraph，utteredaloudshriek，andthrewherselfatfulllengthonthehearth-rug，screaming，andtappingitwiththeheelsofhershoes，inamannerwhichcouldleavenodoubtoftheproprietyofherfeelingsontheoccasion。
Mydear，saidthepetrifiedPott，——Ididn’tsayIbelievedit——I——
buttheunfortunateman’svoicewasdrownedinthescreamingofhispartner。
Mrs。Pott，letmeentreatyou，mydearma’am，tocomposeyourself，
saidMr。Winkle。buttheshrieksandtappingswerelouder，andmorefrequentthanever。
Mydear，saidMr。Pott，I’mverysorry。Ifyouwon’tconsideryourownhealth，considerme，mydear。Weshallhaveacrowdroundthehouse。
ButthemorestrenuouslyMr。Pottentreated，themorevehementlythescreamspouredforth。
Veryfortunately，however，attachedtoMrs。Pott’spersonwasabody-guardofone，ayoungladywhoseostensibleemploymentwastopresideoverhertoilet，butwhorenderedherselfusefulinavarietyofways，andinnonemoresothanintheparticulardepartmentofconstantlyaidingandabettinghermistressineverywishandinclinationopposedtothedesiresoftheunhappyPott。Thescreamsreachedthisyounglady’searsinduecourse，andbroughtherintotheroomwithaspeedwhichthreatenedtoderange，materially，theveryexquisitearrangementofhercapandringlets。
Oh，mydear，dearmistress！exclaimedthebody-guard，kneelingfranticallybythesideoftheprostrateMrs。Pott。Oh，mydearmistress，whatisthematter？
Yourmaster——yourbrutalmaster，murmuredthepatient。
Pottwasevidentlygivingway。
It’sashame，saidthebody-guard，reproachfully。Iknowhe’llbethedeathofyou，ma’am。Poordearthing！
Hegavewaymore。Theoppositepartyfolloweduptheattack。
Ohdon’tleaveme——don’tleaveme，Goodwin，murmuredMrs。Pott，clutchingatthewristofthesaidGoodwinwithanhystericjerk。You’retheonlypersonthat’skindtome，Goodwin。
Atthisaffectingappeal，Goodwingotupalittledomestictragedyofherown，andshedtearscopiously。
Never，ma’am——never，saidGoodwin。Oh，sir，youshouldbecareful——youshouldindeed。youdon’tknowwhatharmyoumaydomissis。you’llbesorryforitoneday，Iknow——I’vealwayssaidso。
TheunluckyPottlookedtimidlyon，butsaidnothing。
Goodwin，saidMrs。Pott，inasoftvoice。
Ma’am，saidGoodwin。
IfyouonlyknewhowIhavelovedthatman——
Don’tdistressyourselfbyrecollectingit，ma’am，saidthebody-guard。
Pottlookedveryfrightened。Itwastimetofinishhim。
Andnow，sobbedMrs。Pott，now，afterall，tobetreatedinthisway。tobereproachedandinsultedinthepresenceofathirdparty，andthatpartyalmostastranger。ButIwillnotsubmittoit！Goodwin，continuedMrs。Pott，raisingherselfinthearmsofherattendant，mybrother，theLieutenant，shallinterfere。I’llbeseparated，Goodwin！
Itwouldcertainlyservehimright，ma’am，saidGoodwin。
WhateverthoughtsthethreatofaseparationmighthaveawakenedinMr。Pott’smind，heforboretogiveutterancetothem，andcontentedhimselfbysaying，withgreathumility：
Mydear，willyouhearme？
Afreshtrainofsobswastheonlyreply，asMrs。Pottgrewmorehysterical，requestedtobeinformedwhyshewaseverborn，andrequiredsundryotherpiecesofinformationofasimilardescription。
Mydear，remonstratedMr。Pott，donotgivewaytothesesensitivefeelings。Ineverbelievedthattheparagraphhadanyfoundation，mydear——impossible。
Iwasonlyangry，mydear——Imaysayoutrageous——withtheIndependentpeoplefordaringtoinsertit。that’sall：Mr。Pottcastanimploringlookattheinnocentcauseofthemischief，asiftoentreathimtosaynothingabouttheserpent。
Andwhatsteps，sir，doyoumeantotaketoobtainredress？inquiredMr。Winkle，gainingcourageashesawPottlosingit。
Oh，Goodwin，observedMrs。Pott，doeshemeantohorsewhiptheeditoroftheIndependent——doeshe，Goodwin？
Hush，hush，ma’am。praykeepyourselfquiet，repliedthebody-guard。
Idaresayhewill，ifyouwishit，ma’am。
Certainly，saidPott，ashiswifeevinceddecidedsymptomsofgoingoffagain。OfcourseIshall。
When，Goodwin——when？saidMrs。Pott，stillundecidedaboutthegoingoff。
Immediately，ofcourse，saidMr。Pott。beforethedayisout。
Oh，Goodwin，resumedMrs。Pott，it’stheonlywayofmeetingtheslander，andsettingmerightwiththeworld。
Certainly，ma’am，repliedGoodwin。Nomanasisaman，ma’am，couldrefusetodoit。
So，asthehystericswerestillhoveringabout，Mr。Pottsaidoncemorethathewoulddoit。butMrs。Pottwassoovercomeatthebareideaofhavingeverbeensuspected，thatshewashalf-a-dozentimesontheveryvergeofarelapse，andmostunquestionablywouldhavegoneoff，haditnotbeenfortheindefatigableeffortsoftheassiduousGoodwin，andrepeatedentreatiesforpardonfromtheconqueredPott。andfinally，whenthatunhappyindividualhadbeenfrightenedandsnubbeddowntohisproperlevel，Mrs。
Pottrecovered，andtheywenttobreakfast。
Youwillnotallowthisbasenewspaperslandertoshortenyourstayhere，Mr。Winkle？saidMrs。Pott，smilingthroughthetracesofhertears。
Ihopenot，saidMr。Pott，actuated，ashespoke，byawishthathisvisitorwouldchokehimselfwiththemorselofdrytoastwhichhewasraisingtohislipsatthemoment：andsoterminatehisstayeffectually。
Ihopenot。
Youareverygood，saidMr。Winkle。butaletterhasbeenreceivedfromMr。Pickwick-soIlearnbyanotefromMr。Tupman，whichwasbroughtuptomybed-roomdoor，thismorning——inwhichherequestsustojoinhimatBuryto-day。andwearetoleavebythecoachatnoon。
Butyouwillcomeback？saidMrs。Pott。
Oh，certainly，repliedMr。Winkle。
Youarequitesure？saidMrs。Pott，stealingatenderlookathervisitor。
Quite，respondedMr。Winkle。
Thebreakfastpassedoffinsilence，foreachmemberofthepartywasbroodingoverhis，orher，ownpersonalgrievances。Mrs。Pottwasregrettingthelossofabeau。Mr。PotthisrashpledgetohorsewhiptheIndependent。
Mr。Winklehishavinginnocentlyplacedhimselfinsoawkwardasituation。
Noonapproached，andaftermanyadieuxandpromisestoreturn，hetorehimselfaway。
Ifheevercomesback，I’llpoisonhim，thoughtMr。Pott，asheturnedintothelittlebackofficewherehepreparedhisthunderbolts。
IfIeverdocomeback，andmixmyselfupwiththesepeopleagain，
thoughtMr。Winkle，ashewendedhiswaytothePeacock，Ishalldeservetobehorsewhippedmyself——that’sall。
Hisfriendswereready，thecoachwasnearlyso，andinhalf-an-hourtheywereproceedingontheirjourney，alongtheroadoverwhichMr。PickwickandSamhadsorecentlytravelled，andofwhich，aswehavealreadysaidsomething，wedonotfeelcalledupontoextractMr。Snodgrass’spoeticalandbeautifuldescription。
Mr。WellerwasstandingatthedooroftheAngel，readytoreceivethem，andbythatgentlemantheywereusheredtotheapartmentofMr。Pickwick，where，tothenosmallsurpriseofMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrass，andthenosmallembarrassmentofMr。Tupman，theyfoundoldWardleandTrundle。
Howareyou？saidtheoldman，graspingMr。Tupman’shand。Don’thangback，orlooksentimentalaboutit。itcan’tbehelped，oldfellow。
Forhersake，Iwishyou’dhadher。foryourown，I’mverygladyouhavenot。Ayoungfellowlikeyouwilldobetteroneofthesedays——eh？Withthisconsolation，WardleslappedMr。Tupmanontheback，andlaughedheartily。
Well，andhowareyou，myfinefellows？saidtheoldgentleman，shakinghandswithMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassatthesametime。IhavejustbeentellingPickwickthatwemusthaveyoualldownatChristmas。We’regoingtohaveawedding——arealweddingthistime。
Awedding！exclaimedMr。Snodgrass，turningverypale。
Yes，awedding。Butdon’tbefrightened，saidthegood-humouredoldman。it’sonlyTrundlethere，andBella。
Oh，isthatall！saidMr。Snodgrass，relievedfromapainfuldoubtwhichhadfallenheavilyonhisbreast。Giveyoujoy，sir。HowisJoe？
Verywell，repliedtheoldgentleman。Sleepyasever。
Andyourmother，andtheclergyman，andallof’em？
Quitewell。
Where，saidMr。Tupman，withaneffort——whereis——she，sir？
andheturnedawayhishead，andcoveredhiseyeswithhishand。
She！saidtheoldgentleman，withaknowingshakeofthehead。
Doyoumeanmysinglerelative——eh？
Mr。Tupman，byanod，intimatedthathisquestionappliedtothedisappointedRachael。
Oh，she’sgoneaway，saidtheoldgentleman。She’slivingatarelation’s，farenoughoff。Shecouldn’tbeartoseethegirls，soIlethergo。Butcome！Here’sthedinner。Youmustbehungryafteryourride。Iam，withoutanyrideatall。soletusfallto。
Amplejusticewasdonetothemeal。andwhentheywereseatedroundthetable，afterithadbeendisposedof，Mr。Pickwick，totheintensehorrorandindignationofhisfollowers，relatedtheadventurehehadundergone，andthesuccesswhichhadattendedthebaseartificesofthediabolicalJingle。
And，theattackofrheumatismwhichIcaughtinthatgarden，saidMr。Pickwick，inconclusion，rendersmelameatthismoment。
I，too，havehadsomethingofanadventure，saidMr。Winkle，withasmile。andattherequestofMr。PickwickhedetailedthemaliciouslibeloftheEatanswillIndependent，andtheconsequentexcitementoftheirfriend，theeditor。
Mr。Pickwick’sbrowdarkenedduringtherecital。Hisfriendsobservedit，and，whenMr。Winklehadconcluded，maintainedaprofoundsilence。
Mr。Pickwickstruckthetableemphaticallywithhisclenchedfist，andspokeasfollows。
Isitnotawonderfulcircumstance，saidMr。Pickwick，thatweseemdestinedtoenternoman’shousewithoutinvolvinghiminsomedegreeoftrouble？Doesitnot，Iask，bespeaktheindiscretion，or，worsethanthat，theblacknessofheart——thatIshouldsayso！——ofmyfollowers，that，beneathwhateverrooftheylocate，theydisturbthepeaceofmindandhappinessofsomeconfidingfemale？Isitnot，Isay——
Mr。Pickwickwouldinallprobabilityhavegoneonforsometime，hadnottheentranceofSam，withaletter，causedhimtobreakoffinhiseloquentdiscourse。Hepassedhishandkerchiefacrosshisforehead，tookoffhisspectacles，wipedthem，andputthemonagain。andhisvoicehadrecovereditswontedsoftnessoftonewhenhesaid：
Whathaveyouthere，Sam？
CalledatthePost-officejustnow，andfoundthishereletter，ashaslaidtherefortwodays，repliedMr。Weller。It’ssealedwithavafer，anddirectedinroundhand。
Idon’tknowthishand，saidMr。Pickwick，openingtheletter。Mercyonus！what’sthis？Itmustbeajest。it——it——can’tbetrue。
What’sthematter？wasthegeneralinquiry。
Nobodydead，isthere？saidWardle，alarmedatthehorrorinMr。Pickwick’scountenance。