Comealong，shoutedtheoldgentleman，addressingMr。Winkle。akeenhandlikeyououghttohavebeenuplongago，eventosuchpoorworkasthis。
　　Mr。Winklerespondedwithaforcedsmile，andtookupthesparegunwithanexpressionofcountenancewhichameta-physicalrook，impressedwithaforebodingofhisapproachingdeathbyviolence，maybesupposedtoassume。Itmighthavebeenkeenness，butitlookedremarkablylikemisery。
　　Theoldgentlemannodded。andtworaggedboyswhohadbeenmarshalledtothespotunderthedirectionoftheinfantLambert，forthwithcommencedclimbinguptwoofthetrees。
　　Whatarethoseladsfor？inquiredMr。Pickwickabruptly。Hewasratheralarmed。forhewasnotquitecertainbutthatthedistressoftheagriculturalinterest，aboutwhichhehadoftenheardagreatdeal，mighthavecompelledthesmallboysattachedtothesoiltoearnaprecariousandhazardoussubsistencebymakingmarksofthemselvesforin-experiencedsportsmen。
　　Onlytostartthegame，repliedMr。Wardle，laughing。
　　Towhat？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
　　Why，inplainEnglishtofrightentherooks。
　　Oh！isthatall？
　　Youaresatisfied？
　　Quite。
　　Verywell。ShallIbegin？
　　Ifyouplease，saidMr。Winkle，gladofanyrespite。
　　Standaside，then。Nowforit。
　　Theboyshouted，andshookabranchwithanestonit。
　　Half-a-dozenyoungrooksinviolentconversation，flewouttoaskwhatthematterwas。Theoldgentlemanfiredbywayofreply。Downfellonebird，andoffflewtheothers。
　　Takehimup，Joe，saidtheoldgentleman。
　　Therewasasmileupontheyouth’sfaceasheadvanced。
　　Indistinctvisionsofrook-piefloatedthroughhisimagination。Helaughedasheretiredwiththebird——itwasaplumpone。
　　Now，Mr。Winkle，saidthehost，reloadinghisowngun。Fireaway。
　　Mr。Winkleadvanced，andlevelledhisgun。Mr。Pickwickandhisfriendscoweredinvoluntarilytoescapedamagefromtheheavyfallofrooks，whichtheyfeltquitecertainwouldbeoccasionedbythedevastatingbarreloftheirfriend。Therewasasolemnpause——ashout——aflappingofwings——afaintclick。
　　Hallo！saidtheoldgentleman。
　　Won’titgo？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
　　Missedfire，saidMr。Winkle，whowasverypale：probablyfromdisappointment。
　　Odd，saidtheoldgentleman，takingthegun。Neverknewoneofthemmissfirebefore。Why，Idon’tseeanythingofthecap。
　　Blessmysoul，saidMr。Winkle。IdeclareIforgotthecap！
　　Theslightomissionwasrectified。Mr。Pickwickcrouchedagain。Mr。
　　Winklesteppedforwardwithanairofdeterminationandresolution。andMr。Tupmanlookedoutfrombehindatree。Theboyshouted。fourbirdsflewout。Mr。Winklefired。Therewasascreamasofanindividual——notarook——incorporealanguish。Mr。Tupmanhadsavedthelivesofinnumerableunoffendingbirdsbyreceivingaportionofthechargeinhisleftarm。
　　Todescribetheconfusionthatensuedwouldbeimpossible。TotellhowMr。PickwickinthefirsttransportsofhisemotioncalledMr。WinkleWretch！
　　howMr。Tupmanlayprostrateontheground。andhowMr。Winkleknelthorror-strickenbesidehim。howMr。TupmancalleddistractedlyuponsomefeminineChristianname，andthenopenedfirstoneeye，andthentheother，andthenfellbackandshutthemboth——allthiswouldbeasdifficulttodescribeindetail，asitwouldbetodepictthegradualrecoveringoftheunfortunateindividual，thebindingupofhisarmwithpocket-handkerchiefs，andtheconveyinghimbackbyslowdegreessupportedbythearmsofhisanxiousfriends。
　　Theydrewnearthehouse。Theladieswereatthegarden-gate，waitingfortheirarrivalandtheirbreakfast。Thespinsterauntappeared。shesmiled，andbeckonedthemtowalkquicker。’Twasevidentsheknewnotofthedisaster。Poorthing！therearetimeswhenignoranceisblissindeed。
　　Theyapproachednearer。
　　Why，whatisthematterwiththelittleoldgentleman？saidIsabellaWardle。Thespinsterauntheedednottheremark。shethoughtitappliedtoMr。Pickwick。InhereyesTracyTupmanwasayouth。sheviewedhisyearsthroughadiminishingglass。
　　Don’tbefrightened，calledouttheoldhost，fearfulofalarminghisdaughters。ThelittlepartyhadcrowdedsocompletelyroundMr。Tupman，thattheycouldnotyetclearlydiscernthenatureoftheaccident。
　　Don’tbefrightened，saidthehost。
　　What’sthematter？screamedtheladies。
　　Mr。Tupmanhasmetwithalittleaccident。that’sall。
　　Thespinsterauntutteredapiercingscream，burstintoanhystericlaugh，andfellbackwardsinthearmsofhernieces。
　　Throwsomecoldwateroverher，saidtheoldgentleman。
　　No，no，murmuredthespinsteraunt。Iambetternow。Bella，Emily——asurgeon！Ishewounded？Ishedead？——Ishe——ha，ha，ha！Herethespinsterauntburstintofitnumbertwo，ofhystericlaughterinterspersedwithscreams。
　　Calmyourself，saidMr。Tupman，affectedalmosttotearsbythisexpressionofsympathywithhissufferings。Dear，dearmadam，calmyourself。
　　Itishisvoice！exclaimedthespinsteraunt。andstrongsymptomsoffitnumberthreedevelopedthemselvesforthwith。
　　Donotagitateyourself，Ientreatyou，dearestmadam，saidMr。Tupmansoothingly。Iamverylittlehurt，Iassureyou。
　　Thenyouarenotdead！ejaculatedthehystericallady。Oh，sayyouarenotdead！
　　Don’tbeafool，Rachael，interposedMr。Wardle，rathermoreroughlythanwasquiteconsistentwiththepoeticnatureofthescene。Whatthedevil’stheuseofhissayingheisn’tdead？
　　No，no，Iamnot，saidMr。Tupman。Irequirenoassistancebutyours。
　　Letmeleanonyourarm。Headded，inawhisper，Oh，MissRachael！Theagitatedfemaleadvanced，andofferedherarm。Theyturnedintothebreakfastparlour。Mr。TracyTupmangentlypressedherhandtohislips，andsankuponthesofa。
　　Areyoufaint？inquiredtheanxiousRachael。
　　No，saidMr。Tupman。Itisnothing。Ishallbebetterpresently。
　　Heclosedhiseyes。
　　Hesleeps，murmuredthespinsteraunt。Hisorgansofvisionhadbeenclosednearlytwentyseconds。Dear——dear——Mr。Tupman！
　　Mr。Tupmanjumpedup——Oh，saythosewordsagain！heexclaimed。
　　Theladystarted。Surelyyoudidnothearthem！shesaid，bashfully。
　　Ohyes，Idid！repliedMr。Tupman。repeatthem。Ifyouwouldhavemerecover，repeatthem。
　　Hush！saidthelady。Mybrother。
　　Mr。TracyTupmanresumedhisformerposition。andMr。Wardle，accompaniedbyasurgeon，enteredtheroom。
　　Thearmwasexamined，thewounddressed，andpronouncedtobeaveryslightone。andthemindsofthecompanyhavingbeenthussatisfied，theyproceededtosatisfytheirappetiteswithcountenancestowhichanexpressionofcheerfulnesswasagainrestored。Mr。Pickwickalonewassilentandreserved。
　　Doubtanddistrustwereexhibitedinhiscountenance。HisconfidenceinMr。Winklehadbeenshaken——greatlyshaken——bytheproceedingsofthemorning。
　　Areyouacricketer？inquiredMr。Wardleofthemarksman。
　　Atanyothertime，Mr。Winklewouldhaverepliedintheaffirmative。
　　Hefeltthedelicacyofhissituation，andmodestlyreplied，No。
　　Areyou，sir？inquiredMr。Snodgrass。
　　Iwasonceuponatime，repliedthehost。butIhavegivenitupnow。Isubscribetotheclubhere，butIdon’tplay。
　　Thegrandmatchisplayedto-day，Ibelieve，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Itis，repliedthehost。Ofcourseyouwouldliketoseeit。
　　I，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick，amdelightedtoviewanysportswhichmaybesafelyindulgedin，andinwhichtheimpotenteffectsofunskilfulpeopledonotendangerhumanlife。Mr。Pickwickpaused，andlookedsteadilyonMr。Winkle，whoquailedbeneathhisleader’ssearchingglance。Thegreatmanwithdrewhiseyesafterafewminutes，andadded：Shallwebejustifiedinleavingourwoundedfriendtothecareoftheladies？
　　Youcannotleavemeinbetterhands，saidMr。Tupman。
　　Quiteimpossible，saidMr。Snodgrass。
　　ItwasthereforesettledthatMr。Tupmanshouldbeleftathomeinchargeofthefemales。andthattheremainderoftheguests，undertheguidanceofMr。Wardle，shouldproceedtothespotwherewastobeheldthattrialofskill，whichhadrousedallMuggletonfromitstorpor，andinoculatedDingleyDellwithafeverofexcitement。
　　Astheirwalk，whichwasnotabovetwomileslong，laythroughshadylanes，andsequesteredfootpaths，andastheirconversationturneduponthedelightfulscenery，bywhichtheywereoneverysidesurrounded，Mr。
　　Pickwickwasalmostinclinedtoregrettheexpeditiontheyhadused，whenhefoundhimselfinthemainstreetofthetownofMuggleton。
　　EverybodywhosegeniushasatopographicalbentknowsperfectlywellthatMuggletonisacorporatetown，withamayor，burgesses，andfreemen。
　　andanybodywhohasconsultedtheaddressesofthemayortothefreemen，orthefreementothemayor，orbothtothecorporation，orallthreetoParliament，willlearnfromthencewhattheyoughttohaveknownbefore，thatMuggletonisanancientandloyalborough，minglingazealousadvocacyofChristianprincipleswithadevotedattachmenttocommercialrights。
　　indemonstrationwhereof，themayor，corporation，andotherinhabitants，havepresentedatdiverstimes，nofewerthanonethousandfourhundredandtwentypetitionsagainstthecontinuanceofnegroslaveryabroad，andanequalnumberagainstanyinterferencewiththefactorysystemathome。
　　sixty-eightinfavourofthesaleoflivingsintheChurch，andeight-sixforabolishingSundaytradinginthestreet。
　　Mr。Pickwickstoodintheprincipalstreetofthisillustrioustown，andgazedwithanairofcuriosity，notunmixedwithinterest，ontheobjectsaroundhim。Therewasanopensquareforthemarket-place。andinthecentreofit，alargeinnwithasign-postinfront，displayinganobjectverycommoninart，butrarelymetwithinnature——towit，abluelion，withthreebowlegsintheair，balancinghimselfontheextremepointofthecentreclawofhisfourthfoot。Therewere，withinsight，anauctioneer’sandfire-agencyoffice，acorn-factor’s，alinen-draper’s，asaddler’s，adistiller’s，agrocer’s，andashoe-shop——thelast-mentionedwarehousebeingalsoappropriatedtothediffusionofhats，bonnets，wearingapparel，cottonumbrellas，andusefulknowledge。Therewasaredbrickhousewithasmallpavedcourt-yardinfront，whichanybodymighthaveknownbelongedtotheattorney。andtherewas，moreover，anotherredbrickhousewithVenetianblinds，andalargebrassdoor-plate，withaverylegibleannouncementthatitbelongedtothesurgeon。Afewboysweremakingtheirwaytothecricket-field。andtwoorthreeshop-keeperswhowerestandingattheirdoors，lookedasiftheywouldliketobemakingtheirwaytothesamespot，asindeedtoallappearancetheymighthavedone，withoutlosinganygreatamountofcustomthereby。Mr。Pickwickhavingpausedtomaketheseobservations，tobenoteddownatamoreconvenientperiod，hastenedtorejoinhisfriends，whohadturnedoutofthemainstreet，andwerealreadywithinsightofthefieldofbattle。
　　Thewicketswerepitched，andsowereacoupleofmarqueesfortherestandrefreshmentofthecontendingparties。Thegamehadnotyetcommenced。
　　TwoorthreeDingleyDellers，andAll-Muggletonians，wereamusingthemselveswithamajesticairbythrowingtheballcarelesslyfromhandtohand。
　　andseveralothergentlemendressedlikethem，instrawhats，flanneljackets，andwhitetrousers——acostumeinwhichtheylookedverymuchlikeamateurstone-masons——weresprinkledaboutthetents，towardsoneofwhichMr。
　　Wardleconductedtheparty。
　　SeveraldozenofHow-are-you’s？hailedtheoldgentleman’sarrival。
　　andageneralraisingofthestrawhats，andbendingforwardoftheflanneljackets，followedhisintroductionofhisguestsasgentlemenfromLondon，whowereextremelyanxioustowitnesstheproceedingsoftheday，withwhich，hehadnodoubt，theywouldbegreatlydelighted。
　　Youhadbetterstepintothemarquee，Ithink，sir，saidoneverystoutgentleman，whosebodyandlegslookedlikehalfagiganticrollofflannel，elevatedonacoupleofinflatedpillow-cases。
　　You’llfinditmuchpleasanter，sir，urgedanotherstoutgentleman，whostronglyresembledtheotherhalfoftherollofflannelaforesaid。
　　You’reverygood，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Thisway，saidthefirstspeaker。theynotchinhere——it’sthebestplaceinthewholefield。andthecricketer，pantingonbefore，precededthemtothetent。
　　Capitalgame——smartsport——fineexercise——very，werethewordswhichfelluponMr。Pickwick’searasheenteredthetent。andthefirstobjectthatmethiseyeswashisgreen-coatedfriendoftheRochestercoach，holdingforth，tothenosmalldelightandedificationofaselectcircleofthechosenofAll-Muggleton。Hisdresswasslightlyimproved，andheworeboots。
　　buttherewasnomistakinghim。
　　Thestrangerrecognisedhisfriendsimmediately：and，dartingforwardandseizingMr。Pickwickbythehand，draggedhimtoaseatwithhisusualimpetuosity，talkingallthewhileasifthewholeofthearrangementswereunderhisespecialpatronageanddirection。
　　Thisway——thisway——capitalfun——lotsofbeer——hogs-heads。roundsofbeef——bullocks。mustard——cartloads。gloriousday——downwithyou——makeyourselfathome——gladtoseeyou——very。
　　Mr。Pickwicksatdownashewasbid，andMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassalsocompliedwiththedirectionsoftheirmysteriousfriend。Mr。Wardlelookedon，insilentwonder。
　　Mr。Wardle——afriendofmine，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　Friendofyours！——Mydearsir，howareyou？——Friendofmyfriend’s——givemeyourhand，sir——andthestrangergraspedMr。Wardle’shandwithallthefervourofacloseintimacyofmanyyears，andthensteppedbackapaceortwoasiftotakeafullsurveyofhisfaceandfigure，andthenshookhandswithhimagain，ifpossible，morewarmlythanbefore。
　　Well。andhowcameyouhere？saidMr。Pickwick，withasmileinwhichbenevolencestruggledwithsurprise。
　　Come，repliedthestranger——stoppingatCrown——CrownatMuggleton——metaparty——flanneljackets——whitetrousers——anchovysandwiches——devilledkidneys——splendidfellows——glorious。
　　Mr。Pickwickwassufficientlyversedinthestranger’ssystemofstenographytoinferfromthisrapidanddisjointedcommunicationthathehad，somehoworother，contractedanacquaintancewiththeAll-Muggletons，whichhehadconverted，byaprocesspeculiartohimself，intothatextentofgoodfellowshiponwhichageneralinvitationmaybeeasilyfounded。Hiscuriositywasthereforesatisfied，andputtingonhisspectacleshepreparedhimselftowatchtheplaywhichwasjustcommencing。
　　All-Muggletonhadthefirstinnings。andtheinterestbecameintensewhenMr。DumpkinsandMr。Podder，twoofthemostrenownedmembersofthatmostdistinguishedclub，walked，batinhand，totheirrespectivewickets。
　　Mr。Luffey，thehighestornamentofDingleyDell，waspitchedtobowlagainsttheredoubtableDumkins，andMr。StruggleswasselectedtodothesamekindofficeforthehithertounconqueredPodder。Severalplayerswerestationed，tolookout，indifferentpartsofthefield，andeachfixedhimselfintotheproperattitudebyplacingonehandoneachknee，andstoopingverymuchasifheweremakingabackforsomebeginneratleap-frog。
　　Alltheregularplayersdothissortofthing——indeedit’sgenerallysupposedthatitisquiteimpossibletolookoutproperlyinanyotherposition。
　　Theumpireswerestationedbehindthewickets。thescorerswerepreparedtonotchtheruns。abreathlesssilenceensued。Mr。LuffeyretiredafewpacesbehindthewicketofthepassivePodder，andappliedtheballtohisrighteyeforseveralseconds。DumkinsconfidentlyawaiteditscomingwithhiseyesfixedonthemotionsofLuffey。
　　Play！suddenlycriedthebowler。Theballflewfromhishandstraightandswifttowardsthecentrestumpofthewicket。ThewaryDumkinswasonthealert。itfelluponthetipofthebat，andboundedfarawayovertheheadsofthescouts，whohadjuststoopedlowenoughtoletitflyoverthem。
　　Run——run——another——Now，then，throwherup——upwithher——stopthere——another——no——yes——no——throwherup，throwherup！——Suchweretheshoutswhichfollowedthestroke。
　　and，attheconclusionofwhichAll-Muggletonhadscoredtwo。NorwasPodderbehindhandinearninglaurelswherewithtogarnishhimselfandMuggleton。
　　Heblockedthedoubtfulballs，missedthebadones，tookthegoodones，andsentthemflyingtoallpartsofthefield。Thescoutswerehotandtired。thebowlerswerechangedandbowledtilltheirarmsached。butDumkinsandPodderremainedunconquered。Didanelderlygentlemanessaytostoptheprogressoftheball，itrolledbetweenhislegsorslippedbetweenhisfingers。Didaslimgentlemantrytocatchit，itstruckhimonthenose，andboundedpleasantlyoffwithredoubledviolence，whiletheslimgentleman’seyefilledwithwater，andhisformwrithedwithanguish。Wasitthrownstraightuptothewicket，Dumkinshadreacheditbeforetheball。Inshort，whenDumkinswascaughtout，andPodderstumpedout，All-Muggletonhadnotchedsomefifty-four，whilethescoreoftheDingleyDellerswasasblankastheirfaces。Theadvantagewastoogreattoberecovered。InvaindidtheeagerLuffey，andtheenthusiasticStruggles，doallthatskillandexperiencecouldsuggest，toregainthegroundDingleyDellhadlostinthecontest——itwasofnoavail。andinanearlyperiodofthewinninggameDingleyDellgavein，andallowedthesuperiorprowessofAll-Muggleton。
　　Thestranger，meanwhile，hadbeeneating，drinking，andtalking，withoutcessation。Ateverygoodstrokeheexpressedhissatisfactionandapprovaloftheplayerinamostcondescendingandpatronisingmanner，whichcouldnotfailtohavebeenhighlygratifyingtothepartyconcerned。whileateverybadattemptatacatch，andeveryfailuretostoptheball，helaunchedhispersonaldispleasureattheheadofthedevotedindividualinsuchdenunciations——asAh，ah！——stupid——Now，butter-fingers——Muff——Humbug——andsoforth——ejaculationswhichseemedtoestablishhimintheopinionofallaround，asamostexcellentandundeniablejudgeofthewholeartandmysteryofthenoblegameofcricket。
　　Capitalgame——wellplayed——somestrokesadmirable，saidthestranger，asbothsidescrowdedintothetent，attheconclusionofthegame。
　　Youhaveplayedit，sir？inquiredMr。Wardle，whohadbeenmuchamusedbyhisloquacity。
　　Playedit！ThinkIhave——thousandsoftimes——nothere——WestIndies——excitingthing——hotwork——very。
　　Itmustberatherawarmpursuitinsuchaclimate，observedMr。Pickwick。
　　Warm！——redhot——scorching——glowing。Playedamatchonce——singlewicket——friendtheColonel——SirThomasBlazo——whoshouldgetthegreatestnumberofruns——Wonthetoss——firstinnings——seveno’clockA。M——sixnativestolookout——wentin。keptin——heatintense——nativesallfainted——takenaway——freshhalf-dozenordered——faintedalso——Blazobowling——supportedbytwonatives——couldn’tbowlmeout——faintedtoo——clearedawaytheColonel——wouldn’tgivein——faithfulattendant——QuankoSamba——lastmanleft——sunsohot，batinblisters，ballscorchedbrown——fivehundredandseventyruns——ratherexhausted——Quankomustereduplastremainingstrength——bowledmeout——hadabath，andwentouttodinner。
　　Andwhatbecameofwhat’s-his-name，sir？inquiredanoldgentleman。
　　Blazo？
　　No——theothergentleman。
　　QuankoSamba？
　　Yes，sir。
　　PoorQuanko——neverrecoveredit——bowledon，onmyaccount——bowledoff，onhisown——died，sir。Herethestrangerburiedhiscountenanceinabrownjug，butwhethertohidehisemotionorimbibeitscontents，wecannotdistinctlyaffirm。Weonlyknowthathepausedsuddenly，drewalonganddeepbreath，andlookedanxiouslyon，astwooftheprincipalmembersoftheDingleyDellclubapproachedMr。Pickwick，andsaid——
　　WeareabouttopartakeofaplaindinnerattheBlueLion，sir。wehopeyouandyourfriendswilljoinus。
　　Ofcourse，saidMr。Wardle，amongourfriendsweincludeMr。
　　andhelookedtowardsthestranger。
　　Jingle，saidthatversatilegentleman，takingthehintatonce。Jingle——AlfredJingle，Esq。，ofNoHall，Nowhere。
　　Ishallbeveryhappy，Iamsure，saidMr。Pickwick。
　　SoshallI，saidMr。AlfredJingle，drawingonearmthroughMr。Pickwick’s，andanotherthroughMr。Wardle’s，ashewhisperedconfidentiallyintheearoftheformergentleman：——
　　Devilishgooddinner——cold，butcapital——peepedintotheroomthismorning——fowlsandpies，andallthatsortofthing——pleasantfellowsthese——wellbehaved，too——very。
　　Therebeingnofurtherpreliminariestoarrange，thecompanystraggledintothetowninlittleknotsoftwosandthrees。andwithinaquarterofanhourwereallseatedinthegreatroomoftheBlueLionInn，Muggleton——Mr。
　　Dumkinsactingaschairman，andMr。Luffeyofficiatingasvice。
　　Therewasavastdealoftalkingandrattlingofknivesandforks，andplates：agreatrunningaboutofthreeponderousheadedwaiters，andarapiddisappearanceofthesubstantialviandsonthetable。toeachandeveryofwhichitemofconfusion，thefacetiousMr。Jinglelenttheaidofhalf-a-dozenordinarymenatleast。Wheneverybodyhadeatenasmuchaspossible，theclothwasremoved，bottles，glasses，anddessertwereplacedonthetable。andthewaiterswithdrewtoclearaway，orinotherwords，toappropriatetotheirownprivateuseandemolumentwhateverremnantsoftheeatablesanddrinkablestheycouldcontrivetolaytheirhandson。
　　Amidstthegeneralhumofmirthandconversationthatensued，therewasalittlemanwithapuffySay-nothing-to-me，-or-I’ll-contradict-yousortofcountenance，whoremainedveryquiet。occasionallylookingroundhimwhentheconversationslackened，asifhecontemplatedputtinginsomethingveryweighty。andnowandthenburstingintoashortcoughofinexpressiblegrandeur。Atlength，duringamomentofcomparativesilence，thelittlemancalledoutinaveryloud，solemnvoice，——
　　Mr。Luffey！
　　Everybodywashushedintoaprofoundstillnessastheindividualaddressed，replied——
　　Sir！
　　Iwishtoaddressafewwordstoyou，sir，ifyouwillentreatthegentlementofilltheirglasses。
　　Mr。Jingleutteredapatronisinghear，hear，whichwasrespondedtobytheremainderofthecompany：andtheglasseshavingbeenfilledtheVice-Presidentassumedanairofwisdominastateofprofoundattention，andsaid——
　　Mr。Staple。
　　Sir，saidthelittleman，rising，IwishtoaddresswhatIhavetosaytoyouandnottoourworthychairman，becauseourworthychairmanisinsomemeasure——Imaysayinagreatdegree——thesubjectofwhatI
　　havetosay，orImaysay——to——
　　State，suggestedMr。Jingle——
　　Yes，tostate，saidthelittleman。Ithankmyhonourablefriend，ifhewillallowmetocallhimso——four`hears，’andonecertainlyfromMr。Jingle——forthesuggestion。Sir，IamaDeller——aDingleyDellercheers。
　　IcannotlayclaimtothehonourofforminganiteminthepopulationofMuggleton。nor，sir，Iwillfranklyadmit，doIcovetthathonour：andIwilltellyouwhy，sir——hear。toMuggletonIwillreadilyconcedeallthosehonoursanddistinctionstowhichitcanfairlylayclaim——theyaretoonumerousandtoowellknowntorequireaidorrecapitulationfromme。
　　But，sir，whilewerememberthatMuggletonhasgivenbirthtoaDumkinsandaPodder，letusneverforgetthatDingleyDellcanboastaLuffeyandaStruggles。Vociferouscheering。Letmenotbeconsideredaswishingtodetractfromthemeritsoftheformergentlemen。Sir，Ienvythemtheluxuryoftheirownfeelingsonthisoccasion。Cheers。Everygentlemanwhohearsme，isprobablyacquaintedwiththereplymadebyanindividual，who——touseanordinaryfigureofspeech——`hungout’inatub，totheemperorAlexander：——`IfIwerenotDiogenes，’saidhe，`IwouldbeAlexander。’
　　Icanwellimaginethesegentlementosay，`IfIwerenotDumkinsIwouldbeLuffey。ifIwerenotPodderIwouldbeStruggles。’Enthusiasm。But，gentlemenofMuggleton，isitincricketalonethatyourfellow-townsmenstandpre-eminent？HaveyouneverheardofDumkinsanddetermination？HaveyouneverbeentaughttoassociatePodderwithproperty？Greatapplause。
　　Haveyounever，whenstrugglingforyourrights，yourliberties，andyourprivileges，beenreduced，ifonlyforaninstant，tomisgivinganddespair？
　　Andwhenyouhavebeenthusdepressed，hasnotthenameofDumkinslaidafreshwithinyourbreastthefirewhichhadjustgoneout。andhasnotawordfromthatman，lighteditagainasbrightlyasifithadneverexpired？
　　Greatcheering。Gentlemen，Ibegtosurroundwitharichhaloofenthusiasticcheeringtheunitednamesof`DumkinsandPodder。’
　　Herethelittlemanceased，andherethecompanycommencedaraisingofvoices，andthumpingoftables，whichlastedwithlittleintermissionduringtheremainderoftheevening。Othertoastsweredrunk。Mr。LuffeyandMr。Struggles，Mr。PickwickandMr。Jingle，were，eachinhisturn，thesubjectofunqualifiedeulogium。andeachinduecoursereturnedthanksforthehonour。
　　Enthusiasticasweareinthenoblecausetowhichwehavedevotedourselves，weshouldhavefeltasensationofpridewhichwecannotexpress，andaconsciousnessofhavingdonesomethingtomeritimmortalityofwhichwearenowdeprived，couldwehavelaidthefaintestoutlineoftheseaddressesbeforeourardentreaders。Mr。Snodgrass，asusual，tookagreatmassofnotes，whichwouldnodoubthaveaffordedmostusefulandvaluableinformation，hadnottheburningeloquenceofthewordsorthefeverishinfluenceofthewinemadethatgentleman’shandsoextremelyunsteady，astorenderhiswritingnearlyunintelligible，andhisstylewhollyso。Bydintofpatientinvestigation，wehavebeenenabledtotracesomecharactersbearingafaintresemblancetothenamesofthespeakers。andwecanalsodiscernanentryofasongsupposedtohavebeensungbyMr。Jingle，inwhichthewordsbowlsparklingrubybrightandwinearefrequentlyrepeatedatshortintervals。Wefancytoo，thatwecandiscernattheveryendofthenotes，someindistinctreferencetobroiledbones。andthenthewordscoldwithoutoccur。butasanyhypothesiswecouldfounduponthemmustnecessarilyrestuponmereconjecture，wearenotdisposedtoindulgeinanyofthespeculationstowhichtheymaygiverise。
　　WewillthereforereturntoMr。Tupman：merelyaddingthatwithinsomefewminutesbeforetwelveo’clockthatnight，theconvocationofworthiesofDingleyDellandMuggletonwereheardtosing，withgreatfeelingandemphasis，thebeautifulandpatheticnationalairofWewon’tgohome’tillmorning，Wewon’tgohome’tillmorning，Wewon’tgohome’tillmorning，’Tilldaylightdothappear。
　　[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter8[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERVIIISTRONGLYILLUSTRATIVEOFTHEPOSITION，THATTHECOURSE
　　OFTRUELOVEISNOTARAILWAY
　　THEquietseclusionofDingleyDell，thepresenceofsomanyofthegentlersex，andthesolicitudeandanxietytheyevincedinhisbehalfwereallfavourabletothegrowthanddevelopmentofthosesofterfeelingswhichnaturehadimplanteddeepinthebosomofMr。TracyTupman，andwhichnowappeareddestinedtocentreinonelovelyobject。
　　Theyoungladieswerepretty，theirmannerswinning，theirdispositionsunexceptionable。buttherewasadignityintheair，atouch-me-not-ishnessinthewalk，amajestyintheeyeofthespinsteraunt，towhich，attheirtimeoflife，theycouldlaynoclaim，whichdistinguishedherfromanyfemaleonwhomMr。Tupmanhadevergazed。Thattherewassomethingkindredintheirnature，somethingcongenialintheirsouls，somethingmysteriouslysympatheticintheirbosoms，wasevident。HernamewasthefirstthatrosetoMr。Tupman’slipsashelaywoundedonthegrass。andherhystericlaughterwasthefirstsoundthatfelluponhisearwhenhewassupportedtothehouse。Buthadheragitationarisenfromanamiableandfemininesensibilitywhichwouldhavebeenequallyirrepressibleinanycase。orhaditbeencalledforthbyamoreardentandpassionatefeeling，whichhe，ofallmenliving，couldaloneawaken？Thesewerethedoubtswhichrackedhisbrainashelayextendedonthesofa：thesewerethedoubtswhichhedeterminedshouldbeatonceandforeverresolved。
　　Itwasevening。IsabellaandEmilyhadstrolledoutwithMr。Trundle。
　　thedeafoldladyhadfallenasleepinherchair。thesnoringofthefatboy，penetratedinalowandmonotonoussoundfromthedistantkitchen。
　　thebuxomservantswereloungingattheside-door，enjoyingthepleasantnessofthehour，andthedelightsofaflirtation，onfirstprinciples，withcertainunwieldyanimalsattachedtothefarm。andtheresattheinterestingpair，uncaredforbyall，caringfornone，anddreamingonlyofthemselves。
　　theretheysat，inshort，likeapairofcarefully-foldedkid-gloves——boundupineachother。
　　Ihaveforgottenmyflowers，saidthespinsteraunt。
　　Waterthemnow，saidMr。Tupmaninaccentsofpersuasion。
　　Youwilltakecoldintheeveningair，urgedthespinsteraunt，affectionately。
　　No，no，saidMr。Tupmanrising。itwilldomegood。Letmeaccompanyyou。
　　Theladypausedtoadjusttheslinginwhichtheleftarmoftheyouthwasplaced，andtakinghisrightarmledhimtothegarden。
　　Therewasaboweratthefurtherend，withhoneysuckle，jessamine，andcreepingplants——oneofthosesweetretreatswhichhumanemenerectfortheaccommodationofspiders。
　　Thespinsteraunttookupalargewatering-potwhichlayinonecorner，andwasabouttoleavethearbour。Mr。Tupmandetainedher，anddrewhertoaseatbesidehim。
　　MissWardle！saidhe。
　　Thespinsteraunttrembled，tillsomepebbleswhichhadaccidentallyfoundtheirwayintothelargewatering-potshooklikeaninfant’srattle。
　　Mr。Wardle，saidMr。Tupman，youareanangel。
　　Mr。Tupman！exclaimedRachael，blushingasredasthewatering-potitself。
　　Nay，saidtheeloquentPickwickian——Iknowitbuttoowell。
　　Allwomenareangelstheysay，murmuredthelady，playfully。
　　Thenwhatcanyoube。ortowhat，withoutpresumption，canI
　　compareyou？repliedMr。Tupman。Wherewasthewomaneverseenwhoresembledyou？WhereelsecouldIhopetofindsorareacombinationofexcellenceandbeauty？WhereelsecouldIseekto——Oh！HereMr。Tupmanpaused，andpressedthehandwhichclaspedthehandleofthehappywatering-pot。
　　Theladyturnedasideherhead。Menaresuchdeceivers，shesoftlywhispered。
　　Theyare，theyare，ejaculatedMr。Tupman。butnotallmen。Therelivesatleastonebeingwhocanneverchange——onebeingwhowouldbecontenttodevotehiswholeexistencetoyourhappiness——wholivesbutinyoureyes——whobreathesbutinyoursmiles——whobearstheheavyburdenoflifeitselfonlyforyou。
　　Couldsuchanindividualbefound，saidthelady——
　　Buthecanbefound，saidtheardentMr。Tupman，interposing。
　　Heisfound。Heishere，MissWardle。Anderetheladywasawareofhisintention，Mr。Tupmanhadsunkuponhiskneesatherfeet。
　　Mr。Tupman，rise，saidRachael。
　　Never！wasthevalorousreply。Oh，Rachael！——Heseizedherpassivehand，andthewatering-potfelltothegroundashepressedittohislips——Oh，Rachael！sayyouloveme。
　　Mr。Tupman，saidthespinsteraunt，withavertedhead——Icanhardlyspeakthewords。but——but——youarenotwhollyindifferenttome。
　　Mr。Tupmannosoonerheardthisavowal，thanheproceededtodowhathisenthusiasticemotionsprompted，andwhat，foraughtweknowforwearebutlittleacquaintedwithsuchmatters，peoplesocircumstancedalwaysdo。Hejumpedup，and，throwinghisarmroundtheneckofthespinsteraunt，imprinteduponherlipsnumerouskisses，whichafteradueshowofstrugglingandresistance，shereceivedsopassively，thatthereisnotellinghowmanymoreMr。Tupmanmighthavebestowed，iftheladyhadnotgivenaveryunaffectedstartandexclaimedinanaffrightedtone——
　　Mr。Tupman，weareobserved！——wearediscovered！
　　Mr。Tupmanlookedround。Therewasthefatboy，perfectlymotionless，withhislargecirculareyesstaringintothearbour，butwithouttheslightestexpressiononhisfacethatthemostexpertphysiognomistcouldhavereferredtoastonishment，curiosity，oranyotherknownpassionthatagitatesthehumanbreast。Mr。Tupmangazedonthefatboy，andthefatboystaredathim。andthelongerMr。Tupmanobservedtheuttervacancyofthefatboy’scountenance，themoreconvincedhebecamethatheeitherdidnotknow，ordidnotunderstand，anythingthathadbeengoingforward。Underthisimpression，hesaidwithgreatfirmness——
　　Whatdoyouwanthere，sir？
　　Supper’sready，sir，wasthepromptreply。
　　Haveyoujustcomehere，sir？inquiredMr。Tupman，withapiercinglook。
　　Just，repliedthefatboy。
　　Mr。Tupmanlookedathimveryhardagain。buttherewasnotawinkinhiseye，oracurveinhisface。
　　Mr。Tupmantookthearmofthespinsteraunt，andwalkedtowardsthehouse。thefatboyfollowedbehind。
　　Heknowsnothingofwhathashappened，hewhispered。
　　Nothing，saidthespinsteraunt。
　　Therewasasoundbehindthem，asofanimperfectlysuppressedchuckle。
　　Mr。Tupmanturnedsharplyround。No。itcouldnothavebeenthefatboy。
　　therewasnotagleamofmirth，oranythingbutfeedinginhiswholevisage。
　　Hemusthavebeenfastasleep，whisperedMr。Tupman。
　　Ihavenottheleastdoubtofit，repliedthespinsteraunt。
　　Theybothlaughedheartily。
　　Mr。Tupmanwaswrong。Thefatboy，foronce，hadnotbeenfastasleep。
　　Hewasawake——wideawake——towhathadbeengoingforward。
　　Thesupperpassedoffwithoutanyattemptatageneralconversation。
　　Theoldladyhadgonetobed。IsabellaWardledevotedherselfexclusivelytoMr。Trundle。thespinster’sattentionswerereservedforMr。Tupman。
　　andEmily’sthoughtsappearedtobeengrossedbysomedistantobject——possiblytheywerewiththeabsentSnodgrass。
　　Eleven——twelve——oneo’clockhadstruck，andthegentlemenhadnotarrived。
　　Consternationsatoneveryface。Couldtheyhavebeenwaylaidandrobbed？
　　Shouldtheysendmenandlanternsineverydirectionbywhichtheycouldbesupposedlikelytohavetravelledhome？orshouldthey——Hark！theretheywere。Whatcouldhavemadethemsolate？Astrangevoice，too！Towhomcoulditbelong？Theyrushedintothekitchenwhitherthetruantshadrepaired，andatonceobtainedrathermorethanaglimmeringoftherealstateofthecase。
　　Mr。Pickwick，withhishandsinhispocketsandhishatcockedcompletelyoverhislefteye，wasleaningagainstthedresser，shakinghisheadfromsidetoside，andproducingaconstantsuccessionoftheblandestandmostbenevolentsmileswithoutbeingmovedthereuntobyanydiscerniblecauseorpretencewhatsoever。oldMr。Wardle，withahighly-inflamedcountenance，wasgraspingthehandofastrangegentlemanmutteringprotestationsofeternalfriendship。Mr。Winkle，supportinghimselfbytheeight-dayclock，wasfeeblyinvokingdestructionupontheheadofanymemberofthefamilywhoshouldsuggesttheproprietyofhisretiringforthenight。andMr。
　　Snodgrasshadsunkintoachair，withanexpressionofthemostabjectandhopelessmiserythatthehumanmindcanimagine，portrayedineverylineamentofhisexpressiveface。
　　Isanythingthematter？inquiredthethreeladies。
　　Nothingthematter，repliedMr。Pickwick。We——we’re——allright——I
　　say，Wardle，we’reallright，an’twe？
　　Ishouldthinkso，repliedthejollyhost——Mydears，here’smyfriend，Mr。Jingle——Mr。Pickwick’sfriend，Mr。Jingle，come’pon——littlevisit。
　　IsanythingthematterwithMr。Snodgrass，sir？inquiredEmily，withgreatanxiety。
　　Nothingthematter，ma’am，repliedthestranger。Cricketdinner——gloriousparty——capitalsongs——oldport——claret——good——verygood——wine，ma’am——wine。
　　Itwasn’tthewine，murmuredMr。Snodgrass，inabrokenvoice。Itwasthesalmon。Somehoworother，itneveristhewine，inthesecases。
　　Hadn’ttheybettergotobed，ma’am？inquiredEmma。Twooftheboyswillcarrythegentlemenup-stairs。
　　Iwon’tgotobed，saidMr。Winkle，firmly。
　　Nolivingboyshallcarryme，saidMr。Pickwick，stoutly——andhewentonsmilingasbefore。
　　Hurrah！gaspedMr。Winkle，faintly。
　　Hurrah！echoedMr。Pickwick，takingoffhishatanddashingitonthefloor，andinsanelycastinghisspectaclesintothemiddleofthekitchen——Atthishumorousfeathelaughedoutright。
　　Let’s——have——’nother——bottle，criedMr。Winkle，commencinginaveryloudkey，andendinginaveryfaintone。Hisheaddroppeduponhisbreast。
　　and，mutteringhisinvincibledeterminationnottogotohisbed，andasanguinaryregretthathehadnotdoneforoldTupmaninthemorning，hefellfastasleep。inwhichconditionhewasbornetohisapartmentbytwoyounggiantsunderthepersonalsuperintendenceofthefatboy，towhoseprotectingcareMr。Snodgrassshortlyafterwardsconfidedhisownperson。Mr。PickwickacceptedtheprofferedarmofMr。Tupmanandquietlydisappeared，smilingmorethanever。andMr。Wardle，aftertakingasaffectionatealeaveofthewholefamilyasifhewereorderedforimmediateexecution，consignedtoMr。Trundlethehonourofconveyinghimupstairs，andretired，withaveryfutileattempttolookimpressivelysolemnanddignified。
　　Whatashockingscene！saidthespinsteraunt。
　　Dis——gusting！ejaculatedboththeyoungladies。
　　Dreadful——dreadful！saidJingle，lookingverygrave：hewasaboutabottleandahalfaheadofanyofhiscompanions。Horridspectacle——very！
　　Whataniceman！whisperedthespinsteraunttoMr。Tupman。
　　Good-looking，too！whisperedEmilyWardle。
　　Oh，decidedly，observedthespinsteraunt。
　　Mr。TupmanthoughtofthewidowatRochester：andhismindwastroubled。
　　Thesucceedinghalf-hour’sconversationwasnotofanaturetocalmhisperturbedspirit。Thenewvisitorwasverytalkative，andthenumberofhisanecdoteswasonlytotheexceededbytheextentofhispoliteness。
　　Mr。TupmanfeltthatasJingle’spopularityincreased，heTupmanretiredfurtherintotheshade。Hislaughterwasforced——hismerrimentfeigned。
　　andwhenatlasthelaidhisachingtemplesbetweenthesheets，hethought，withhorriddelight，onthesatisfactionitwouldaffordhimtohaveJingle’sheadatthatmomentbetweenthefeatherbedandthemattress。
　　Theindefatigablestrangerrosebetimesnextmorning，and，althoughhiscompanionsremainedinbedoverpoweredwiththedissipationofthepreviousnight，exertedhimselfmostsuccessfullytopromotethehilarityofthebreakfast-table。Sosuccessfulwerehisefforts，thateventhedeafoldladyinsistedonhavingoneortwoofhisbestjokesretailedthroughthetrumpet。andevenshecondescendedtoobservetothespinsteraunt，thathemeaningJinglewasanimpudentyoungfellow：asentimentinwhichallherrelationsthenandtherepresentthoroughlycoincided。
　　Itwastheoldlady’shabitonthefinesummermorningstorepairtothearbourinwhichMr。Tupmanhadalreadysignalisedhimself，informandmannerfollowing：first，thefatboyfetchedfromapegbehindtheoldlady’sbed-roomdoor，acloseblacksatinbonnet，awarmcottonshawl，andathickstickwithacapacioushandle。andtheoldladyhavingputonthebonnetandshawlatherleisure，wouldleanonehandonthestickandtheotheronthefatboy’sshoulder，andwalkleisurelytothearbour，wherethefatboywouldleavehertoenjoythefreshairforthespaceofhalfanhour。attheexpirationofwhichtimehewouldreturnandreconducthertothehouse。
　　Theoldladywasverypreciseandveryparticular。andasthisceremonyhadbeenobservedforthreesuccessivesummerswithouttheslightestdeviationfromtheaccustomedform，shewasnotalittlesurprisedonthisparticularmorning，toseethefatboy，insteadofleavingthearbour，walkafewpacesoutofit，lookcarefullyroundhimineverydirection，andreturntowardsherwithgreatstealthandanairofthemostprofoundmystery。
　　Theoldladywastimorous——mostoldladiesare——andherfirstimpressionwasthatthebloatedladwasabouttodohersomegrievousbodilyharmwiththeviewofpossessinghimselfofherloosecoin。Shewouldhavecriedforassistance，butageandinfirmityhadlongagodeprivedherofthepowerofscreaming。she，therefore，watchedhismotionswithfeelingsofintenseterror，whichwereinnodegreediminishedbyhiscomingcloseuptoher，andshoutinginherearinanagitated，andasitseemedtoher，athreateningtone——
　　Missus！
　　NowitsohappenedthatMr。Jinglewaswalkinginthegardenclosetothearbouratthismoment。HetooheardtheshoutofMissus，andstoppedtohearmore。Therewerethreereasonsforhisdoingso。Inthefirstplace，hewasidleandcurious。secondly，hewasbynomeansscrupulous。thirdly，andlastly，hewasconcealedfromviewbysomefloweringshrubs。Sotherehestood，andtherehelistened。
　　Missus！shoutedthefatboy。
　　Well，Joe，saidthetremblingoldlady。I’msureIhavebeenagoodmistresstoyou，Joe。Youhaveinvariablybeentreatedverykindly。Youhaveneverhadtoomuchtodo。andyouhavealwayshadenoughtoeat。
　　Thislastwasanappealtothefatboy’smostsensitivefeelings。Heseemedtouched，ashereplied，emphatically——
　　IknowsIhas。
　　Thenwhatcanyouwanttodonow？saidtheoldlady，gainingcourage。
　　Iwantstomakeyourfleshcreep，repliedtheboy。
　　Thissoundedlikeaverybloodthirstymodeofshowingone’sgratitude。
　　andastheoldladydidnotpreciselyunderstandtheprocessbywhichsucharesultwastobeattained，allherformerhorrorsreturned。
　　WhatdoyouthinkIseeinthisveryarbourlastnight？inquiredtheboy。
　　Blessus！What？exclaimedtheoldlady，alarmedatthesolemnmannerofthecorpulentyouth。
　　Thestrangegentleman——himashadhisarmhurt——akissin’andhuggin’——
　　Who，Joe？Noneoftheservants，Ihope。
　　Worserthanthat，roaredthefatboy，intheoldlady’sear。
　　Notoneofmygrand-da’aters？
　　Worserthanthat。
　　Worsethanthat，Joe！saidtheoldlady，whohadthoughtthistheextremelimitofhumanatrocity。Whowasit，Joe？Iinsistuponknowing。
　　Thefatboylookedcautiouslyround，andhavingconcludedhissurvey，shoutedintheoldlady’sear：
　　MissRachael。
　　What！saidtheoldlady，inashrilltone。Speaklouder。
　　MissRachael，roaredthefatboy。
　　Myda’ater！
　　Thetrainofnodswhichthefatboygavebywayofassentcommunicatedablanc-mange-likemotiontohisfatcheeks。
　　Andshesufferedhim！exclaimedtheoldlady。
　　Agrinstoleoverthefatboy’sfeaturesashesaid：
　　Iseeherakissin’ofhimagin。
　　IfMr。Jingle，fromhisplaceofconcealment，couldhavebeheldtheexpressionwhichtheoldlady’sfaceassumedatthiscommunication，theprobabilityisthatasuddenburstoflaughterwouldhavebetrayedhisclosevicinitytothesummer-house。Helistenedattentively。Fragmentsofangrysentencessuchas，Withoutmypermission！——Athertimeoflife——Miserableold’oomanlikeme——MighthavewaitedtillIwasdead，andsoforth，reachedhisears。andthenheheardtheheelsofthefatboy’sbootscrunchingthegravel，asheretiredandlefttheoldladyalone。
　　Itwasaremarkablecoincidenceperhaps，butitwasneverthelessafact，thatMr。JinglewithinfiveminutesafterhisarrivalatManorFarmontheprecedingnight，hadinwardlyresolvedtolaysiegetotheheartofthespinsteraunt，withoutdelay。Hehadobservationenoughtosee，thathisoff-handmannerwasbynomeansdisagreeabletothefairobjectofhisattack。andhehadmorethanastrongsuspicionthatshepossessedthatmostdesirableofallrequisites，asmallindependence。Theimperativenecessityofoustinghisrivalbysomemeansorother，flashedquicklyuponhim，andheimmediatelyresolvedtoadoptcertainproceedingstendingtothatendandobject，withoutamoment’sdelay。Fieldingtellsusthatmanisfire，andwomantow，andthePrinceofDarknesssetsalightto’em。Mr。Jingleknewthatyoungmen，tospinsteraunts，areaslightedgastogunpowder，andhedeterminedtoessaytheeffectofanexplosionwithoutlossoftime。
　　Fullofreflectionsuponthisimportantdecision，hecreptfromhisplaceofconcealment，and，undercoveroftheshrubsbeforementioned，approachedthehouse。Fortuneseemeddeterminedtofavourhisdesign。Mr。
　　Tupmanandtherestofthegentlemenleftthegardenbythesidegatejustasheobtainedaviewofit。andtheyoungladies，heknew，hadwalkedoutalone，soonafterbreakfast。Thecoastwasclear。
　　Thebreakfast-parlourdoorwaspartiallyopen。Hepeepedin。Thespinsterauntwasknitting。Hecoughed。shelookedupandsmiled。HesitationformednopartofMr。AlfredJingle’scharacter。Helaidhisfingeronhislipsmysteriously，walkedin，andclosedthedoor。
　　MissWardle，saidMr。Jingle，withaffectedearnestness，forgiveintrusion——shortacquaintance——notimeforceremony——alldiscovered。
　　Sir！saidthespinsteraunt，ratherastonishedbytheunexpectedapparitionandsomewhatdoubtfulofMr。Jingle’ssanity。
　　Hush！saidMr。Jingle，inastagewhisper——largeboy——dumplingface——roundeyes——rascal！Hereheshookhisheadexpressively，andthespinsteraunttrembledwithagitation。
　　IpresumeyoualludetoJoseph，sir？saidthelady，makinganefforttoappearcomposed。
　　Yes，ma’am——damnthatJoe！——treacherousdog，Joe——toldtheoldlady——oldladyfurious——wild——raving——arbour——Tupman——kissingandhugging——allthatsortofthing——eh，ma’am——eh？
　　Mr。Jingle，saidthespinsteraunt，ifyoucomehere，sir，toinsultme——
　　Notatall——bynomeans，repliedtheunabashedMr。Jingle——overheardthetale——cametowarnyouofyourdanger——tendermyservices——preventthehubbub。Nevermind——thinkitaninsult——leavetheroom——andheturned，asiftocarrythethreatintoexecution。
　　WhatshallIdo！saidthepoorspinster，burstingintotears。
　　Mybrotherwillbefurious。
　　Ofcoursehewill，saidMr。Jingle，pausing——outrageous。
　　Oh，Mr。Jingle，whatcanIsay！exclaimedthespinsteraunt，inanotherfloodofdespair。
　　Sayhedreamit，repliedMr。Jingle，coolly。
　　Arayofcomfortdartedacrossthemindofthespinsterauntatthissuggestion。Mr。Jingleperceivedit，andfolloweduphisadvantage。
　　Pooh，pooh！——nothingmoreeasy——blackguardboy——lovelywoman——fatboyhorsewhipped——youbelieved——endofthematter——allcomfortable。
　　Whethertheprobabilityofescapingfromtheconsequencesofthisill-timeddiscoverywasdelightfultothespinster’sfeelings，orwhetherthehearingherselfdescribedasalovelywomansoftenedtheasperityofhergrief，weknownot。Sheblushedslightly，andcastagratefullookonMr。Jingle。
　　Thatinsinuatinggentlemansigheddeeply，fixedhiseyesonthespinsteraunt’sfaceforacoupleofminutes，startedmelodramatically，andsuddenlywithdrewthem。
　　Youseemunhappy，Mr。Jingle，saidthelady，inaplaintivevoice。
　　MayIshowmygratitudeforyourkindinterference，byinquiringintothecause，withaview，ifpossible，toitsremoval？
　　Ha！exclaimedMr。Jingle，withanotherstart——removal！removemyunhappiness，andyourlovebestoweduponamanwhoisinsensibletotheblessing——whoevennowcontemplatesadesignupontheaffectionsofthenieceofthecreaturewho——butno。heismyfriend。Iwillnotexposehisvices。MissWardle——farewell！Attheconclusionofthisaddress，themostconsecutivehewaseverknowntoutter，Mr。Jingleappliedtohiseyestheremnantofahandkerchiefbeforenoticed，andturnedtowardsthedoor。
　　Stay，Mr。Jingle！saidthespinsterauntemphatically。YouhavemadeanallusiontoMr。Tupman——explainit。
　　Never！exclaimedJingle，withaprofessionali。e。theatrical
　　air。Never！and，bywayofshowingthathehadnodesiretobequestionedfurther，hedrewachairclosetothatofthespinsterauntandsatdown。
　　Mr。Jingle，saidtheaunt，Ientreat——Iimploreyou，ifthereisanydreadfulmysteryconnectedwithMr。Tupman，revealit。
　　CanI，saidMr。Jingle，fixinghiseyesontheaunt’sface——canI
　　see——lovelycreature——sacrificedattheshrine——heartlessavarice！Heappearedtobestrugglingwithvariousconflictingemotionsforafewseconds，andthensaidinalowdeepvoice——
　　Tupmanonlywantsyourmoney。
　　Thewretch！exclaimedthespinster，withenergeticindignation。Mr。
　　Jingle’sdoubtswereresolved。Shehadmoney。
　　Morethanthat，saidJingle——lovesanother。
　　Another！ejaculatedthespinster。Who？
　　Shortgirl——blackeyes——nieceEmily。
　　Therewasapause。
　　Now，iftherewereoneindividualinthewholeworld，ofwhomthespinsterauntentertainedamortalanddeeply-rootedjealousy，itwasthisidenticalniece。Thecolourrushedoverherfaceandneck，andshetossedherheadinsilencewithanairofineffablecontempt。Atlast，bitingherthinlips，andbridlingup，shesaid——
　　Itcan’tbe。Iwon’tbelieveit。
　　Watch’em，saidJingle。
　　Iwill，saidtheaunt。
　　Watchhislooks。
　　Iwill。
　　Hiswhispers。
　　Iwill。
　　He’llsitnextherattable。
　　Lethim。
　　He’llflatterher。
　　Lethim。
　　He’llpayhereverypossibleattention。
　　Lethim。
　　Andhe’llcutyou。
　　Cutme！screamedthespinsteraunt。Hecutme——willhe！andshetrembledwithrageanddisappointment。
　　Youwillconvinceyourself？saidJingle。
　　Iwill。
　　You’llshowyourspirit？
　　Iwill。
　　You’llnothavehimafterwards？
　　Never。
　　You’lltakesomebodyelse？
　　Yes。
　　Youshall。
　　Mr。Jinglefellonhisknees，remainedthereuponforfiveminutesthereafter：
　　androsetheacceptedloverofthespinsteraunt：conditionallyuponMr。
　　Tupman’sperjurybeingmadeclearandmanifest。
　　TheburdenofprooflaywithMr。AlfredJingle。andheproducedhisevidencethatverydayatdinner。Thespinsterauntcouldhardlybelievehereyes。Mr。TracyTupmanwasestablishedatEmily’sside，ogling，whispering，andsmiling，inoppositiontoMr。Snodgrass。Notaword，notalook，notaglance，didhebestowuponhisheart’sprideoftheeveningbefore。
　　Damnthatboy！thoughtoldMr。Wardletohimself——Hehadheardthestoryfromhismother。Damnthatboy！Hemusthavebeenasleep。
　　It’sallimagination。
　　Traitor！thoughtthespinsteraunt。DearMr。Jinglewasnotdeceivingme。Ugh！howIhatethewretch！
　　ThefollowingconversationmayservetoexplaintoourreadersthisapparentlyunaccountablealterationofdeportmentonthepartofMr。TracyTupman。
　　Thetimewasevening。thescenethegarden。Thereweretwofigureswalkinginasidepath。onewasrathershortandstout。theotherrathertallandslim。TheywereMr。TupmanandMr。Jingle。Thestoutfigurecommencedthedialogue。
　　HowdidIdoit？heinquired。
　　Splendid——capital——couldn’tactbettermyself——youmustrepeatthepartto-morrow——everyevening，tillfurthernotice。
　　DoesRachaelstillwishit？
　　Ofcourse——shedon’tlikeit——butmustbedone——avertsuspicion——afraidofherbrother——saysthere’snohelpforit——onlyafewdaysmore——whenoldfolksblinded——crownyourhappiness。
　　Anymessage？
　　Love——bestlove——kindestregards——unalterableaffection。CanIsayanythingforyou？
　　Mydearfellow，repliedtheunsuspiciousMr。Tupman，ferventlygraspinghisfriend’shand——carrymybestlove——sayhowhardIfindittodissemble——sayanythingthat’skind。butaddhowsensibleIamofthenecessityofthesuggestionshemadetome，throughyou，thismorning。SayIapplaudherwisdomandadmireherdiscretion。
　　Iwill。Anythingmore？
　　Nothing。onlyaddhowardentlyIlongforthetimewhenImaycallhermine，andalldissimulationmaybeunnecessary。
　　Certainly，certainly。Anythingmore？
　　Oh，myfriend！saidpoorMr。Tupman，againgraspingthehandofhiscompanion，receivemywarmestthanksforyourdisinterestedkindness。
　　andforgivemeifIhaveever，eveninthought，doneyoutheinjusticeofsupposingthatyoucouldstandinmyway。Mydearfriend，canIeverrepayyou？
　　Don’ttalkofit，repliedMr。Jingle。Hestoppedshort，asifsuddenlyrecollectingsomething，andsaid——By-the-bye——can’tsparetenpounds，canyou？——veryparticularpurpose——payyouinthreedays。
　　IdaresayIcan，repliedMr。Tupman，inthefulnessofhisheart。
　　Threedays，yousay？
　　Onlythreedays——alloverthen——nomoredifficulties。
　　Mr。Tupmancountedthemoneyintohiscompanion’shand，andhedroppeditpiecebypieceintohispocket，astheywalkedtowardsthehouse。
　　Becareful，saidMr。Jingle——notalook。
　　Notawink，saidMr。Tupman。
　　Notasyllable。
　　Notawhisper。
　　Allyourattentionstotheniece——ratherrude，thanotherwise，totheaunt——onlywayofdeceivingtheoldones。
　　I’lltakecare，saidMr。Tupmanaloud。
　　AndI’lltakecare，saidMr。Jingleinternally。andtheyenteredthehouse。