Thatmorning’sbreakfastpassedheavilyoff。Mr。Tupmanwasnotinaconditiontorise，aftertheunwonteddissipationofthepreviousnight。
Mr。Snodgrassappearedtolabourunderapoeticaldepressionofspirits。
andevenMr。Pickwickevincedanunusualattachmenttosilenceandsoda-water。
Mr。Winkleeagerlywatchedhisopportunity：itwasnotlongwanting。Mr。
Snodgrassproposedavisittothecastle，andasMr。Winklewastheonlyothermemberofthepartydisposedtowalk，theywentouttogether。
Snodgrass，saidMr。Winkle，whentheyhadturnedoutofthepublicstreet，Snodgrass，mydearfellow，canIrelyuponyoursecrecy？Ashesaidthis，hemostdevoutlyandearnestlyhopedhecouldnot。
Youcan，repliedMr。Snodgrass。Hearmeswear——
No，no，interruptedWinkle，terrifiedattheideaofhiscompanion’sunconsciouslypledginghimselfnottogiveinformation。don’tswear，don’tswear。it’squiteunnecessary。
Mr。Snodgrassdroppedthehandwhichhehad，inthespiritofpoesy，raisedtowardsthecloudsashemadetheaboveappeal，andassumedanattitudeofattention。
Iwantyourassistance，mydearfellow，inanaffairofhonour，saidMr。Winkle。
Youshallhaveit，repliedMr。Snodgrass，claspinghisfriend’shand。
WithaDoctor——DoctorSlammer，oftheNinety-seventh，saidMr。Winkle，wishingtomakethematterappearassolemnaspossible。anaffairwithanofficer，secondedbyanotherofficer，atsunsetthisevening，inalonelyfieldbeyondFortPitt。
Iwillattendyou，saidMr。Snodgrass。
Hewasastonished，butbynomeansdismayed。Itisextraordinaryhowcoolanypartybuttheprincipalcanbeinsuchcases。Mr。Winklehadforgottenthis。Hehadjudgedofhisfriend’sfeelingsbyhisown。
Theconsequencesmaybedreadful，saidMr。Winkle。
Ihopenot，saidMr。Snodgrass。
TheDoctor，Ibelieve，isaverygoodshot，saidMr。Winkle。
Mostofthesemilitarymenare，observedMr。Snodgrass，calmly。butsoareyou，an’tyou？
Mr。Winklerepliedintheaffirmative。andperceivingthathehadnotalarmedhiscompanionsufficiently，changedhisground。
Snodgrass，hesaid，inavoicetremulouswithemotion，ifIfall，youwillfindinapacketwhichIshallplaceinyourhandsanoteformy——formyfather。
Thisattackwasafailurealso。Mr。Snodgrasswasaffected，butheundertookthedeliveryofthenoteasreadilyasifhehadbeenaTwopennyPostman。
IfIfall，saidMr。Winkle，oriftheDoctorfalls，you，mydearfriend，willbetriedasanaccessorybeforethefact。ShallIinvolvemyfriendintransportation——possiblyforlife！
Mr。Snodgrasswincedalittleatthis，buthisheroismwasinvincible。
Inthecauseoffriendship，heferventlyexclaimed，Iwouldbravealldangers。
HowMr。Winklecursedhiscompanion’sdevotedfriendshipinternally，astheywalkedsilentlyalong，sidebyside，forsomeminutes，eachimmersedinhisownmeditations！Themorningwaswearingaway。hegrewdesperate。
Snodgrass，hesaid，stoppingsuddenly，donotletmebebaulkedinthismatter——donotgiveinformationtothelocalauthorities——donotobtaintheassistanceofseveralpeaceofficers，totakeeithermeorDoctorSlammer，oftheNinety-seventhRegiment，atpresentquarteredinChathamBarracks，intocustody，andthuspreventthisduel——Isay，donot。
Mr。Snodgrassseizedhisfriend’shandwarmly，asheenthusiasticallyreplied，Notforworlds！
AthrillpassedoverMr。Winkle’sframeastheconvictionthathehadnothingtohopefromhisfriend’sfears，andthathewasdestinedtobecomeananimatedtarget，rushedforciblyuponhim。
ThestateofthecasehavingbeenformallyexplainedtoMr。Snodgrass，andacaseofsatisfactionpistols，withthesatisfactoryaccompanimentsofpowder，ball，andcaps，havingbeenhiredfromamanufacturerinRochester，thetwofriendsreturnedtotheirinn。Mr。Winkletoruminateontheapproachingstruggle，andMr。Snodgrasstoarrangetheweaponsofwar，andputthemintoproperorderforimmediateuse。
Itwasadullandheavyeveningwhentheyagainsalliedforthontheirawkwarderrand。Mr。Winklewasmuffledupinahugecloaktoescapeobservation，andMr。Snodgrassboreunderhistheinstrumentsofdestruction。
Haveyougoteverything？saidMrWinkle，inanagitatedtone。
Ev’rything，repliedMr。Snodgrass。plentyofammunition，incasetheshotsdon’ttakeeffect。There’saquarterofapoundofpowderinthecase，andIhavegottwonewspapersinmypocketfortheloadings。
Thesewereinstancesoffriendshipforwhichanymanmightreasonablyfeelmostgrateful。Thepresumptionis，thatthegratitudeofMr。Winklewastoopowerfulforutterance，ashesaidnothing，butcontinuedtowalkon——ratherslowly。
Weareinexcellenttime，saidMr。Snodgrass，astheyclimbedthefenceofthefirstfield。thesunisjustgoingdown。Mr。Winklelookedupatthedecliningorb，andpainfullythoughtoftheprobabilityofhisgoingdownhimself，beforelong。
There’stheofficer，exclaimedMr。Winkle，afterafewminutes’walking。
Where？saidMr。Snodgrass。
There——thegentlemaninthebluecloak。Mr。Snodgrasslookedinthedirectionindicatedbytheforefingerofhisfriend，andobservedafigure，muffledup，ashehaddescribed。Theofficerevincedhisconsciousnessoftheirpresencebyslightlybeckoningwithhishand。andthetwofriendsfollowedhimatalittledistance，ashewalkedaway。
Theeveninggrewmoredulleverymoment，andamelancholywindsoundedthroughthedesertedfields，likeadistantgiantwhistlingforhishouse-dog。
ThesadnessofthesceneimpartedasombretingetothefeelingsofMr。
Winkle。Hestartedastheypassedtheangleofthetrench——itlookedlikeacolossalgrave。
Theofficerturnedsuddenlyfromthepath，andafterclimbingapaling，andscalingahedge，enteredasecludedfield。Twogentlemenwerewaitinginit。onewasalittlefatman，withblackhair。andtheother——aportlypersonageinabraidedsurtout——wassittingwithperfectequanimityonacamp-stool。
Theotherparty，andasurgeon，Isuppose，saidMr。Snodgrass。takeadropofbrandy。Mr。Winkleseizedthewickerbottlewhichhisfriendproffered，andtookalengthenedpullattheexhilaratingliquid。
Myfriend，sir，Mr。Snodgrass，saidMr。Winkle，astheofficerapproached。
DoctorSlammer’sfriendbowed，andproducedacasesimilartowhichMr。
Snodgrasscarried。
Wehavenothingfarthertosay，sir，Ithink，hecoldlyremarked，asheopenedthecase。anapologyhasbeenresolutelydeclined。
Nothing，sir，saidMr。Snodgrass，whobegantofeelratheruncomfortablehimself。
Willyoustepforward？saidtheofficer。
Certainly，repliedMr。Snodgrass。Thegroundwasmeasured，andpreliminariesarranged。
Youwillfindthesebetterthanyourown，saidtheoppositesecond，producinghispistols。Yousawmeloadthem。Doyouobjecttousethem？
Certainlynot，repliedMr。Snodgrass。Theofferrelievedhimfromconsiderableembarrassment，forhispreviousnotionsofloadingapistolwererathervagueandundefined。
Wemayplaceourmen，then，Ithink，observedtheofficer，withasmuchindifferenceasiftheprincipalswerechess-men，andthesecondsplayers。
Ithinkwemay，repliedMr。Snodgrass。whowouldhaveassentedtoanyproposition，becauseheknewnothingaboutthematter。TheofficercrosstoDoctorSlammer，andMr。SnodgrasswentuptoMr。Winkle。
It’sallready，hesaid，offeringthepistol。Givemeyourcloak。
Youhavegotthepacket，mydearfellow，saidpoorWinkle。
Allright，saidMr。Snodgrass。Besteady，andwinghim。
ItoccurredtoMr。Winklethatthisadvicewasverylikethatwhichbystandersinvariablygivetothesmallestboyinastreetfight，namely，Goin，andwin：——anadmirablethingtorecommend，ifyouonlyknowhowtodoit。Hetookoffhiscloak，however，insilence——italwaystookalongtimetoundo，thatcloak——andacceptedthepistol。Thesecondsretired，thegentlemanonthecamp-stooldidthesame，andthebelligerentsapproachedeachother。
Mr。Winklewasalwaysremarkableforextremehumanity。Itisconjecturedthathisunwillingnesstohurtafellow-creatureintentionallywasthecauseofhisshuttinghiseyeswhenhearrivedatthefatalspot。andthatthecircumstanceofhiseyesbeingclosed，preventedhisobservingtheveryextraordinaryandunaccountabledemeanourofDoctorSlammer。Thatgentlemanstarted，stared，retreated，rubbedhiseyes，staredagain。and，finally，shoutedStop，stop！
What’sallthis？saidDoctorSlammer，ashisfriendandMr。Snodgrasscamerunningup。That’snottheman。
Nottheman！saidDr。Slammer’ssecond。
Nottheman！saidMr。Snodgrass。
Nottheman！saidthegentlemanwiththecamp-stoolinhishand。
Certainlynot，repliedthelittleDoctor。That’snotthepersonwhoinsultedmelastnight。
Veryextraordinary！exclaimedtheofficer。
Very，saidthegentlemanwiththecamp-stool。Theonlyquestionis，whetherthegentleman，beingontheground，mustnotbeconsidered，asamatterofform，tobetheindividualwhoinsultedourfriend，DoctorSlammer，yesterdayevening，whetherheisreallythatindividualornot：
andhavingdeliveredthissuggestion，withaverysageandmysteriousair，themanwiththecamp-stooltookalargepinchofsnuff，andlookedprofoundlyround，withtheairofanauthorityinsuchmatters。
NowMr。Winklehadopenedhiseyes，andhisearstoo，whenheheardhisadversarycalloutforacessationofhostilities。andperceivingbywhathehadafterwardssaid，thattherewas，beyondallquestion，somemistakeinthematter，heatonceforesawtheincreaseofreputationheshouldinevitablyacquirebyconcealingtherealmotiveofhiscomingout：
hethereforesteppedboldlyforward，andsaid——
Iamnottheperson。Iknowit。
Then，that，saidthemanwiththecamp-stool，isanaffronttoDr。
Slammer，andasufficientreasonforproceedingimmediately。
Praybequiet，Payne，saidtheDoctor’ssecond。Whydidyounotcommunicatethisfacttomethismorning，sir？
Tobesure——tobesure，saidthemanwiththecamp-stool，indignantly。
Ientreatyoutobequiet，Payne，saidtheother。MayIrepeatmyquestion，sir？
Because，sir，repliedMr。Winkle，whohadhadtimetodeliberateuponhisanswer，because，sir，youdescribedanintoxicatedandungentlemanlypersonaswearingacoatwhichIhavethehonour，notonlytowear，buttohaveinvented——theproposeduniform，sir，ofthePickwickClubinLondon。
ThehonourofthatuniformIfeelboundtomaintain，andItherefore，withoutinquiry，acceptedthechallengewhichyouofferedme。
Mydearsir，saidthegood-humouredlittleDoctor，advancingwithextendedhand，Ihonouryourgallantry。Permitmetosay，sir，thatI
highlyadmireyourconduct，andextremelyregrethavingcausedyoutheinconvenienceofthismeeting，tonopurpose。
Ibegyouwon’tmentionit，sir，saidMr。Winkle。
Ishallfeelproudofyouracquaintance，sir，saidthelittleDoctor。
Itwillaffordmethegreatestpleasuretoknowyou，sir，repliedMr。Winkle。ThereupontheDoctorandMr。Winkleshookhands，andthenMr。
WinkleandLieutenantTappletontheDoctor’ssecond，andthenMr。Winkleandthemanwiththecamp-stool，and，finally，Mr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrass——thelast-namedgentlemaninanexcessofadmirationatthenobleconductofhisheroicfriend。
Ithinkwemayadjourn，saidLieutenantTappleton。
Certainly，addedtheDoctor。
Unless，interposedthemanwiththecamp-stool，unlessMr。Winklefeelshimselfaggrievedbythechallenge。inwhichcase，Isubmit，hehasarighttosatisfaction。
Mr。Winkle，withgreatself-denial，expressedhimselfquitesatisfiedalready。
Orpossibly，saidthemanwiththecamp-stool，thegentleman’ssecondmayfeelhimselfaffrontedwithsomeobservationswhichfellfrommeatanearlierperiodofthismeeting：ifso，Ishallbehappytogivehimsatisfactionimmediately。
Mr。Snodgrasshastilyprofessedhimselfverymuchobligedwiththehandsomeofferofthegentlemanwhohadspokenlast，whichhewasonlyinducedtodeclinebyhisentirecontentmentwiththewholeproceedings。Thetwosecondsadjustedthecases，andthewholepartyleftthegroundinamuchmorelivelymannerthantheyhadproceedtoit。
Doyouremainlonghere？inquiredDr。SlammerofMr。Winkle，astheywalkedonmostamicablytogether。
Ithinkweshallleaveherethedayafterto-morrow，wasthereply。
ItrustIshallhavethepleasureofseeingyouandyourfriendatmyrooms，andofspendingapleasanteveningwithyou，afterthisawkwardmistake，saidthelittleDoctor。areyoudisengagedthisevening？
Wehavesomefriendshere，repliedMr。Winkle，andIshouldnotliketoleavethemto-night。PerhapsyouandyourfriendwilljoinusattheBull。
Withgreatpleasure，saidthelittleDoctor。willteno’clockbetoolatetolookinforhalf-an-hour？
Ohdear，no，saidMr。Winkle。Ishallbemosthappytointroduceyoutomyfriends，Mr。PickwickandMr。Tupman。
Itwillgivemegreatpleasure，Iamsure，repliedDoctorSlammer，littlesuspectingwhoMr。Tupmanwas。
Youwillbesuretocome？saidMr。Snodgrass。
Oh，certainly。
Bythistimetheyhadreachedtheroad。Cordialfarewellswereexchanged，andthepartyseparated。DoctorSlammerandhisfriendsrepairedtothebarracks，andMr。Winkle。accompaniedbyhisfriendMr。Snodgrass，returnedtotheirinn。1AremarkableinstanceofthepropheticforceofMr。Jingle’simagination。thisdialogueoccurringintheyear1827，andtheRevolutionin1830。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter3[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERIIIANEWACQUAINTANCE。THESTROLLER’STALE。ADISAGREEABLE
INTERRUPTION，ANDANUNPLEASANTENCOUNTER
MR。PICKWICKhadfeltsomeapprehensionsinconsequenceoftheunusualabsenceofhistwofriends，whichtheirmysteriousbehaviourduringthewholemorninghadbynomeanstendedtodiminish。Itwas，therefore，withmorethanordinarypleasurethatherosetogreetthemwhentheyagainentered。andwithmorethanordinaryinterestthatheinquiredwhathadoccurredtodetainthemfromhissociety。
Inreplytohisquestionsonthispoint，Mr。Snodgrasswasabouttoofferanhistoricalaccountofthecircumstancesjustnowdetailed，whenhewassuddenlycheckedbyobservingthattherewerepresent，notonlyMr。Tupmanandtheirstage-coachcompanionoftheprecedingday，butanotherstrangerofequallysingularappearance。Itwasacare-wornlookingman，whosesallowface，anddeeplysunkeneyes，wererenderedstillmorestrikingthannaturehadmadethem，bythestraightblackhairwhichhunginmatteddisorderhalfwaydownhisface。Hiseyeswerealmostunnaturallybrightandpiercing。hischeek-boneswerehighandprominent。andhisjawsweresolongandlank，thatanobserverwouldhavesupposedthathewasdrawingthefleshofhisfacein，foramoment，bysomecontractionofthemuscles，ifhishalf-openedmouthandimmovableexpressionhadnotannouncedthatitwashisordinaryappearance。Roundhisneckheworeagreenshawl，withthelargeendsstragglingoverhischest，andmakingtheirappearanceoccasionallybeneaththewornbutton-holesofhisoldwaistcoat。Hisuppergarmentwasalongblacksurtout。andbelowitheworewidedrabtrousers，andlargeboots，runningrapidlytoseed。
Itwasonthisuncouth-lookingpersonthatMr。Winkle’seyerested，anditwastowardshimthatMr。Pickwickextendedhishand，whenhesaidAfriendofourfriend’shere。Wediscoveredthismorningthatourfriendwasconnectedwiththetheatreinthisplace，thoughheisnotdesiroustohaveitgenerallyknown，andthisgentlemanisamemberofthesameprofession。Hewasabouttofavouruswithalittleanecdoteconnectedwithit，whenyouentered。
Lotsofanecdote，saidthegreen-coatedstrangerofthedaybefore，advancingtoMr。Winkleandspeakinginalowandconfidentialtone。Rumfellow——doestheheavybusiness——noactor——strangeman——allsortsofmiseries——DismalJemmy，wecallhimonthecircuit。Mr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrasspolitelywelcomedthegentleman，elegantlydesignatedasDismalJemmy。andcallingforbrandyandwater，inimitationoftheremainderofthecompany，seatedthemselvesatthetable。
Now，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，willyouobligeusbyproceedingwithwhatyouweregoingtorelate？
Thedismalindividualtookadirtyrollofpaperfromhispocket，andturningtoMr。Snodgrass，whohadjusttakenouthisnote-book，saidinahollowvoiceperfectlyinkeepingwithhisoutwardman——Areyouthepoet？
I——Idoalittleinthatway，repliedMr。Snodgrass，rathertakenabackbytheabruptnessofthequestion。
Ah！poetrymakeslifewhatlightsandmusicdothestage——striptheoneofitsfalseembellishments，andtheotherofitsillusions，andwhatisthererealineithertoliveorcarefor？
Verytrue，sir，repliedMr。Snodgrass。
Tobebeforethefootlights，continuedthedismalman，islikesittingatagrandcourtshow，andadmiringthesilkendressesofthegaudythrong——tobebehindthemistobethepeoplewhomakethatfinery，uncaredforandunknown，andlefttosinkorswim，tostarveorlive，asfortunewillsit。
Certainly，saidMr。Snodgrass：forthesunkeneyeofthedismalmanrestedonhim，andhefeltitnecessarytosaysomething。
Goon，Jemmy，saidtheSpanishtraveller，likeblack-eyedSusan——allintheDowns——nocroaking——speakout——looklively。
Willyoumakeanotherglassbeforeyoubegin，sir？saidMr。Pickwick。
Thedismalmantookthehint，andhavingmixedaglassofbrandyandwater，andslowlyswallowedhalfofit，openedtherollofpaperandproceeded，partlytoread，andpartlytorelate，thefollowingincident，whichwefindrecordedontheTransactionsoftheclubasTheStroller’sTale。
THESTROLLER’STALE
ThereisnothingofthemarvellousinwhatIamgoingtorelate，saidthedismalman。thereisnothingevenuncommoninit。Wantandsicknessaretoocommoninmanystationsoflife，todeservemorenoticethanisusuallybestowedonthemostordinaryvicissitudesofhumannature。Ihavethrownthesefewnotestogether，becausethesubjectofthemwaswellknowntomeformanyyears。Itracedhisprogressdownwards，stepbystep，untilatlasthereachedthatexcessofdestitutionfromwhichheneverroseagain。
ThemanofwhomIspeakwasalowpantomimeactor。and，likemanypeopleofhisclass，anhabitualdrunkard。Inhisbetterdays，beforehehadbecomeenfeebledbydissipationandemaciatedbydisease，hehadbeeninthereceiptofagoodsalary，which，ifhehadbeencarefulandprudent，hemighthavecontinuedtoreceiveforsomeyears——notmany。becausethesemeneitherdieearly，or，byunnaturallytaxingtheirbodilyenergies，lose，prematurely，thosephysicalpowersonwhichalonetheycandependforsubsistence。Hisbesettingsingainedsofastuponhim，however，thatitwasfoundimpossibletoemployhiminthesituationsinwhichhereallywasusefultothetheatre。
Thepublic-househadafascinationforhimwhichhecouldnotresist。Neglecteddiseaseandhopelesspovertywereascertaintobehisportionasdeathitself，ifheperseveredinthesamecourse。yethedidpersevere，andtheresultmaybeguessed。Hecouldobtainnoengagement，andhewantedbread。
Everybodywhoisatallacquaintedwiththeatricalmattersknowswhatahostofshabby，poverty-strickenmenhangaboutthestageofalargeestablishment——notregularlyengagedactors，butballetpeople，processionmen，tumblers，andsoforth，whoaretakenonduringtherunofapantomime，oranEasterpiece，andarethendischarged，untiltheproductionofsomeheavyspectacleoccasionsanewdemandfortheirservices。Tothismodeoflifethemanwascompelledtoresort。andtakingthechaireverynight，atsomelowtheatricalhouse，atonceputhiminpossessionofafewmoreshillingsweekly，andenabledhimtogratifyhisoldpropensity。Eventhisresourceshortlyfailedhim。hisirregularitiesweretoogreattoadmitofhisearningthewretchedpittancehemightthushaveprocured，andhewasactuallyreducedtoastateborderingonstarvation，onlyprocuringatrifleoccasionallybyborrowingitofsomeoldcompanion，orbyobtaininganappearanceatoneorotherofthecommonestoftheminortheatres。andwhenhedidearnanything，itwasspentintheoldway。
Aboutthistime，andwhenhehadbeenexistingforupwardsofayearnooneknewhow，IhadashortengagementatoneofthetheatresontheSurreysideofthewater，andhereIsawthismanwhomIhadlostsightofforsometime。forIhadbeentravellingintheprovinces，andhehadbeenskulkinginthelanesandalleysofLondon。Iwasdressedtoleavethehouse，andwascrossingthestageonmywayout，whenhetappedmeontheshoulder。NevershallIforgettherepulsivesightthatmetmyeyewhenIturnedround。Hewasdressedforthepantomime，inalltheabsurdityofaclown’scostume。ThespectralfiguresintheDanceofDeath，themostfrightfulshapesthattheablestpaintereverportrayedoncanvas，neverpresentedanappearancehalfsoghastly。Hisbloatedbodyandshrunkenlegs——theirdeformityenhancedahundredfoldbythefantasticdress——theglassyeyes，contrastingfearfullywiththethickwhitepaintwithwhichthefacewasbesmeared。thegrotesquelyornamentedhead，tremblingwithparalysis，andthelong，skinnyhands，rubbedwithwhitechalk——allgavehimahideousandunnaturalappearance，ofwhichnodescriptioncouldconveyanadequateidea，andwhich，tothisday，Ishuddertothinkof。Hisvoicewashollowandtremulous，ashetookmeaside，andinbrokenwordsrecountedalongcatalogueofsicknessandprivations，terminatingasusualwithanurgentrequestfortheloanofatriflingsumofmoney。Iputafewshillingsinhishand，andasIturnedawayIheardtheroaroflaughterwhichfollowedhisfirsttumbleontothestage。
Afewnightsafterwards，aboyputadirtyscrapofpaperinmyhand，onwhichwerescrawledafewwordsinpencil，intimatingthatthemanwasdangerouslyill，andbeggingme，aftertheperformance，toseehimathislodginginsomestreet——Iforgetthenameofitnow——atnogreatdistancefromthetheatre。Ipromisedtocomply，assoonasIcouldgetaway。and，afterthecurtainfell，salliedforthonmymelancholyerrand。
Itwaslate，forIhadbeenplayinginthelastpiece。andasitwasabenefitnight，theperformanceshadbeenprotractedtoanunusuallength。
Itwasadarkcoldnight，withachilldampwind，whichblewtherainheavilyagainstthewindowsandhousefronts。Poolsofwaterhadcollectedinthenarrowandlittle-frequentedstreets，andasmanyofthethinly-scatteredoil-lampshadbeenblownoutbytheviolenceofthewind，thewalkwasnotonlyacomfortless，butmostuncertainone。Ihadfortunatelytakentherightcourse，however，andsucceeded，afteralittledifficulty，infindingthehousetowhichIhadbeendirected——acoal-shed，withonestoryaboveit，inthebackroomofwhichlaytheobjectofmysearch。
Awretched-lookingwoman，theman’swife，metmeonthestairs，and，tellingmethathehadjustfallenintoakindofdoze，ledmesoftlyin，andplacedachairformeatthebedside。Thesickmanwaslyingwithhisfaceturnedtowardsthewall。andashetooknoheedofmypresence，I
hadleisuretoobservetheplaceinwhichIfoundmyself。
Hewaslyingonanoldbedstead，whichturnedupduringtheday。Thetatteredremainsofacheckedcurtainweredrawnroundthebed’shead，toexcludethewind，whichhowevermadeitswayintothecomfortlessroomthroughthenumerouschinksinthedoor，andblewittoandfroeveryinstant。
Therewasalowcinderfireinarustyunfixedgrate。andanoldthree-corneredstainedtable，withsomemedicinebottles，abrokenglass，andafewotherdomesticarticles，wasdrawnoutbeforeit。Alittlechildwassleepingonatemporarybedwhichhadbeenmadeforitonthefloor，andthewomansatonachairbyitsside。Therewereacoupleofshelves，withafewplatesandcupsandsaucers：andapairofstageshoesandacoupleoffoilshungbeneaththem。Withtheexceptionoflittleheapsofragsandbundleswhichhadbeencarelesslythrownintothecornersoftheroom，theseweretheonlythingsintheapartment。
Ihadhadtimetonotetheselittleparticulars，andtomarktheheavybreathingandfeverishstartingsofthesickman，beforehewasawareofmypresence。Inhisrestlessattemptstoprocuresomeeasyresting-placeforhishead，hetossedhishandoutofthebed，anditfellonmine。Hestartedup，andstaredeagerlyinmyface。
`Mr。Hutley，John，’saidhiswife。`Mr。Hutley，thatyousentforto-night，youknow。’
`Ah！’saidtheinvalid，passinghishandacrosshisforehead。`Hutley——Hutley——letmesee。’Heseemedendeavouringtocollecthisthoughtsforafewseconds，andthengraspingmetightlybythewristsaid，`Don’tleaveme——don’tleaveme，oldfellow。She’llmurderme。Iknowshewill。’
`Hashebeenlongso？’saidI，addressinghisweepingwife。
`Sinceyesterdaynight，’shereplied。`John，John，don’tyouknowme？’
`Don’tlethercomenearme，’saidtheman，withashudder，asshestoppedoverhim。`Driveheraway。Ican’tbearhernearme。’Hestaredwildlyather，withalookofdeadlyapprehension，andthenwhisperedinmyear，`Ibeather，Jem。Ibeatheryesterday，andmanytimesbefore。
Ihavestarvedherandtheboytoo。andnowIamweakandhelpless，Jem，she’llmurdermeforit。Iknowshewill。Ifyou’dseenhercry，asIhave，you’dknowittoo。Keepheroff。’Herelaxedhisgrasp，andsankbackexhaustedonthepillow。
Iknewbuttoowellwhatallthismeant。IfIcouldhaveentertainedanydoubtofit，foraninstant，oneglanceofthewoman’spalefaceandwastedformwouldhavesufficientlyexplainedtherealstateofthecase。
`Youhadbetterstandaside，’saidItothepoorcreature。`Youcandohimnogood。Perhapshewillbecalmer，ifhedoesnotseeyou。’Sheretiredoutoftheman’ssight。Heopenedhiseyes，afterafewseconds，andlookedanxiouslyround。
`Isshegone？’heeagerlyinquired。
`Yes——yes，’saidI。`sheshallnothurtyou。’
`I’lltellyouwhat，Jem，’saidtheman，inalowvoice，`shedoeshurtme。There’ssomethinginhereyeswakessuchadreadfulfearinmyheart，thatitdrivesmemad。Alllastnight，herlargestaringeyesandpalefacewereclosetomine。whereverIturned，theyturned。andwheneverIstartedupfrommysleep，shewasatthebedsidelookingatme。’Hedrewmeclosertohim，ashesaidinadeep，alarmedwhisper——`Jem，shemustbeanevilspirit——adevil！Hush！Iknowsheis。Ifshehadbeenawomanshewouldhavediedlongago。Nowomancouldhavebornewhatshehas。’
Isickenedatthethoughtofthelongcourseofcrueltyandneglectwhichmusthaveoccurredtoproducesuchanimpressiononsuchaman。I
couldsaynothinginreply。forwhocouldofferhope，orconsolation，totheabjectbeingbeforeme？
Isatthereforupwardsoftwohours，duringwhichtimehetossedabout，murmuringexclamationsofpainorimpatience，restlesslythrowinghisarmshereandthere，andturningconstantlyfromsidetoside。Atlengthhefellintothatstateofpartialunconsciousness，inwhichthemindwandersuneasilyfromscenetoscene，andfromplacetoplace，withoutthecontrolofreason，butstillwithoutbeingabletodivestitselfofanindescribablesenseofpresentsuffering。Findingfromhisincoherentwanderingsthatthiswasthecase，andknowingthatinallprobabilitythefeverwouldnotgrowimmediatelyworse，Ilefthim，promisinghismiserablewifethatIwouldrepeatmyvisitnextevening，and，ifnecessary，situpwiththepatientduringthenight。
Ikeptmypromise。Thelastfour-and-twentyhourshadproducedafrightfulalteration。Theeyes，thoughdeeplysunkandheavy，shonewithalustrefrightfultobehold。Thelipswereparched，andcrackedinmanyplaces：
thedryhardskinglowedwithaburningheat，andtherewasanalmostunearthlyairofwildanxietyintheman’sface，indicatingevenmorestronglytheravagesofthedisease。Thefeverwasatitsheight。
ItooktheseatIhadoccupiedthenightbefore，andthereIsatforhours，listeningtosoundswhichmuststrikedeeptotheheartofthemostcallousamonghumanbeings——theawfulravingsofadyingman。FromwhatIhadheardofthemedicalattendant’sopinion，Iknewtherewasnohopeforhim：Iwassittingbyhisdeath-bed。Isawthewastedlimbs，whichafewhoursbeforehadbeendistortedfortheamusementofaboisterousgallery，writhingunderthetorturesofaburningfever——Iheardtheclown’sshrilllaugh，blendingwiththelowmurmuringsofthedyingman。
Itisatouchingthingtohearthemindrevertingtotheordinaryoccupationsandpursuitsofhealth，whenthebodyliesbeforeyouweakandhelpless。
butwhenthoseoccupationsareofacharacterthemoststronglyopposedtoanythingweassociatewithgraveorsolemnideas，theimpressionproducedisinfinitelymorepowerful。Thetheatre，andthepublic-house，werethechiefthemesofthewretchedman’swanderings。Itwasevening，hefancied。
hehadaparttoplaythatnight。itwaslate，andhemustleavehomeinstantly。
Whydidtheyholdhim，andpreventhisgoing？——heshouldlosethemoney——hemustgo。No！theywouldnotlethim。Hehidhisfaceinhisburninghands，andfeeblybemoanedhisownweakness，andthecrueltyofhispersecutors。
Ashortpause，andheshoutedoutafewdoggrelrhymes——thelasthehadeverlearnt。Heroseinbed，drewuphiswitheredlimbs，androlledaboutinuncouthpositions。hewasacting——hewasatthetheatre。Aminute’ssilence，andhemurmuredtheburdenofsomeroaringsong。Hehadreachedtheoldhouseatlast：howhottheroomwas。Hehadbeenill，veryill，buthewaswellnow，andhappy。Filluphisglass。Whowasthat，thatdasheditfromhislips？
Itwasthesamepersecutorthathadfollowedhimbefore。Hefellbackuponhispillowandmoanedaloud。Ashortperiodofoblivion，andhewaswanderingthroughatediousmazeoflow-archedrooms——solow，sometimes，thathemustcreepuponhishandsandkneestomakehiswayalong。itwascloseanddark，andeverywayheturned，someobstacleimpededhisprogress。
Therewasinsectstoo，hideouscrawlingthingswitheyesthatstareduponhim，andfilledtheveryairaround：glisteninghorriblyamidstthethickdarknessoftheplace。Thewallsandceilingwerealivewithreptiles——thevaultexpandedtoanenormoussize——frightfulfiguresflittedtoandfro——andthefacesofmenheknew，renderedhideousbygibingandmouthing，peeredoutfromamongthem。theyweresearinghimwithheatedirons，andbindinghisheadwithcordstillthebloodstarted。andhestruggledmadlyforlife。
Atthecloseofoneoftheseparoxysms，whenIhadwithgreatdifficultyheldhimdowninhisbed，hesankintowhatappearedtobeaslumber。Overpoweredwithwatchingandexertion，Ihadclosedmyeyesforafewminutes，whenIfeltaviolentclutchonmyshoulder。Iawokeinstantly。Hehadraisedhimselfup，soastoseathimselfinbed——adreadfulchangehadcomeoverhisface，butconsciousnesshadreturned，forheevidentlyknewme。Thechildwhohadbeenlongsincedisturbedbyhisravings，rosefromitslittlebed，andrantowardsitsfather，screamingwithfright——themotherhastilycaughtitinherarms，lestheshouldinjureitintheviolenceofhisinsanity。but，terrifiedbythealterationofhisfeatures，stoodtransfixedbythebed-side。Hegraspedmyshoulderconvulsively，and，strikinghisbreastwiththeotherhand，madeadesperateattempttoarticulate。Itwasunavailing——heextendedhisarmtowardsthem，andmadeanotherviolenteffort。Therewasarattlingnoiseinthethroat——aglareoftheeye——ashortstifledgroan——andhefellback——dead！
ItwouldaffordusthehighestgratificationtobeenabledtorecordMr。Pickwick’sopinionoftheforegoinganecdote。Wehavelittledoubtthatweshouldhavebeenenabledtopresentittoourreaders，butforamostunfortunateoccurrence。
Mr。Pickwickhadreplacedonthetabletheglasswhich，duringthelastfewsentencesofthetale，hehadretainedinhishand，andhadjustmadeuphismindtospeak——indeed，wehavetheauthorityofMr。Snodgrass’snote-bookforstating，thathehadactuallyopenedhismouth——whenthewaiterenteredtheroom，andsaid——
Somegentlemen，sir。
IthasbeenconjecturedthatMr。Pickwickwasonthepointofdeliveringsomeremarkswhichwouldhaveenlightenedtheworld，ifnottheThames，whenhewasthusinterrupted：forhegazedsternlyonthewaiter’scountenance，andthenlookedroundonthecompanygenerally，asifseekingforinformationrelativetothenew-comers。
Oh！saidMr。Winkle，rising，somefriendsofmine——showthemin。
Verypleasantfellows，addedMr。Winkle，afterthewaiterhadretired——Officersofthe97th，whoseacquaintanceImaderatheroddlythismorning。Youwilllikethemverymuch。
Mr。Pickwick’sequanimitywasatoncerestored。Thewaiterreturned，andusheredthreegentlemenintotheroom。
LieutenantTappleton，saidMr。Winkle，LieutenantTappleton，Mr。
Pickwick——DoctorPayne，Mr。Pickwick——Mr。Snodgrass，youhaveseenbefore：
myfriendMr。Tupman，DoctorPayne——Dr。Slammer，Mr。Pickwick——Mr。Tupman，DoctorSlam——
HereMr。Winklesuddenlypaused。forstrongemotionwasvisibleonthecountenancebothofMr。Tupman，andtheDoctor。
Ihavemetthisgentlemanbefore，saidtheDoctor，withmarkedemphasis。
Indeed！saidMr。Winkle。
And——andthatperson，too，ifIamnotmistaken，saidtheDoctor，bestowingascrutinisingglanceonthegreen-coatedstranger。IthinkIgavethatpersonaverypressinginvitationlastnight，whichhethoughtpropertodecline。SayingwhichtheDoctorscowledmagnanimouslyonthestranger，andwhisperedhisfriendLieutenantTappleton。
Youdon’tsayso，saidthatgentleman，attheconclusionofthewhisper。
Ido，indeed，repliedDoctorSlammer。
Youareboundtokickhimonthespot，murmuredtheownerofthecamp-stoolwithgreatimportance。
Dobequiet，Payne，interposedtheLieutenant。Willyouallowmetoaskyou，sir，hesaid，addressingMr。Pickwick，whowasconsiderablymystifiedbythisveryunpoliteby-play，willyouallowmetoaskyou，sir，whetherthatpersonbelongstoyourparty？
No，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick，heisaguestofours。
Heisamemberofyourclub，orIammistaken？saidtheLieutenant，inquiringly。
Certainlynot，respondedMr。Pickwick。
Andneverwearsyourclub-button？saidtheLieutenant。
No——never！repliedtheastonishedMr。Pickwick。
LieutenantTappletonturnedroundtohisfriendDoctorSlammer，withascarcelyperceptibleshrugoftheshoulder，asifimplyingsomedoubtoftheaccuracyofhisrecollection。ThelittleDoctorlookedwrathful，butconfounded。andMr。PaynegazedwithaferociousaspectonthebeamingcountenanceoftheunconsciousPickwick。
Sir，saidtheDoctor，suddenlyaddressingMr。Tupman，inatonewhichmadethatgentlemanstartasperceptiblyasifapinhadbeencunninglyinsertedinthecalfofhisleg，youwereattheballherelastnight！
Mr。Tupmangaspedafaintaffirmative，lookingveryhardatMr。Pickwickallthewhile。
Thatpersonwasyourcompanion，saidtheDoctor，pointingtothestillunmovedstranger。
Mr。Tupmanadmittedthefact。
Now，sir，saidtheDoctortothestranger，Iaskyouonceagain，inthepresenceofthesegentlemen，whetheryouchoosetogivemeyourcard，andtoreceivethetreatmentofagentleman。orwhetheryouimposeuponmethenecessityofpersonallychastisingyouonthespot？
Stay，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，Ireallycannotallowthismattertogoanyfurtherwithoutsomeexplanation。Tupman，recountthecircumstances。
Mr。Tupman，thussolemnlyadjured，statedthecaseinafewwords。touchedslightlyontheborrowingofthecoat。expatiatedlargelyonitshavingbeendoneafterdinner。woundupwithalittlepenitenceonhisownaccount。
andleftthestrangertoclearhimselfashebestcould。
Hewasapparentlyabouttoproceedtodoso，whenLieutenantTappleton，whohadbeeneyeinghimwithgreatcuriosity，saidwithconsiderablescorn——Haven’tIseenyouatthetheatre，sir？
Certainly，repliedtheunabashedstranger。
Heisastrollingactor，saidtheLieutenant，contemptuously。turningtoDr。Slammer——HeactsinthepiecethattheOfficersofthe52ndgetupattheRochesterTheatreto-morrownight。Youcannotproceedinthisaffair，Slammer——impossible！
Quite！saidthedignifiedPayne。
Sorrytohaveplacedyouinthisdisagreeablesituation，saidLieutenantTappleton，addressingMr。Pickwick。allowmetosuggest，thatthebestwayofavoidingarecurrenceofsuchscenesinfuture，willbetobemoreselectinthechoiceofyourcompanions。Goodevening，sir！andtheLieutenantbouncedoutoftheroom。
Andallowmetosay，sir，saidtheirascibleDoctorPayne，thatifIhadbeenTappleton，orifIhadbeenSlammer，Iwouldhavepulledyournose，sir，andthenoseofeverymaninthiscompany。Iwould，sir，everyman。Payneismyname，sir——DoctorPayneofthe43rd。Goodevening，sir。Havingconcludedthisspeech，andutteredthethreelastwordsinaloudkey，hestalkedmajesticallyafterhisfriend，closelyfollowedbyDoctorSlammer，whosaidnothing，butcontendedhimselfbywitheringthecompanywithalook。
RisingrageandextremebewildermenthadswelledthenoblebreastofMr。Pickwick，almosttotheburstingofhiswaistcoat，duringthedeliveryoftheabovedefiance。Hestoodtransfixedtothespot，gazingonvacancy。
Theclosingofthedoorrecalledhimtohimself。Herushedforwardwithfuryinhislooks，andfireinhiseye。Hishandwasuponthelockofthedoor。inanotherinstantitwouldhavebeenonthethroatofDr。Payneofthe43rd，hadnotMr。Snodgrassseizedhisreveredleaderbythecoattail，anddraggedhimbackwards。
Restrainhim，criedMr。Snodgrass，Winkle，Tupman——hemustnotperilhisdistinguishedlifeinsuchacauseasthis。
Letmego，saidMr。Pickwick。
Holdhimtight，shoutedMr。Snodgrass。andbytheunitedeffortsofthewholecompany，Mr。Pickwickwasforcedintoanarm-chair。
Leavehimalone，saidthegreen-coatedstranger——brandyandwater——jollyoldgentleman——lotsofpluck——swallowthis——ah！——capitalstuff。Havingpreviouslytestedthevirtuesofabumper，whichhadbeenmixedbythedismalman，thestrangerappliedtheglasstoMr。Pickwick’smouth。andtheremainderofitscontentsrapidlydisappeared。
Therewasashortpause。thebrandyandwaterhaddoneitswork。theamiablecountenanceofMr。Pickwickwasfastrecoveringitscustomaryexpression。
Theyarenotworthyournotice，saidthedismalman。
Youareright，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick，theyarenot。Iamashamedtohavebeenbetrayedintothiswarmthoffeeling。Drawyourchairuptothetable，sir。
Thedismalmanreadilycomplied：acirclewasagainformedroundthetable，andharmonyoncemoreprevailed。Somelingeringirritabilityappearedtofindaresting-placeinMr。Winkle’sbosom，occasionedpossiblybythetemporaryabstractionofhiscoat——thoughitisscarcelyreasonabletosupposethatsoslightacircumstancecanhaveexcitedevenapassingfeelingofangerinaPickwickianbreast。Withthisexception，theirgoodhumourwascompletelyrestored。andtheeveningconcludedwiththeconvivialitywithwhichithadbegun。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter4[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERIVAFIELDDAYANDBIVOUAC。MORENEWFRIENDS。ANINVITATION
TOTHECOUNTRY
MANYauthorsentertain，notonlyafoolish，butareallydishonestobjectiontoacknowledgethesourcesfromwhencetheyderivemuchvaluableinformation。Wehavenosuchfeeling。Wearemerelyendeavouringtodischarge，inanuprightmanner，theresponsibledutiesofoureditorialfunctions。andwhateverambitionwemighthavefeltunderothercircumstancestolayclaimtotheauthorshipoftheseadvantures，aregardfortruthforbidsustodomorethanclaimthemeritoftheirjudiciousarrangementandimpartialnarration。ThePickwickPapersareourNewRiverHead。andwemaybecomparedtotheNewRiverCompany。Thelaboursofothershaveraisedforusanimmensereservoirofimportantfacts。Wemerelylaythemon，andcommunicatethem，inaclearandgentlestream，throughthemediumofthesenumbers，toaworldthirstingforPickwickianknowledge。
Actinginthisspirit，andresolutelyproceedingonourdeterminationtoavowourobligationstotheauthoritieswehaveconsulted，wefranklysay，thattothenote-bookofMr。Snodgrassareweindebtedfortheparticularsrecordedinthis，andthesucceedingchapter——particularswhich，nowthatwehavedisburdenedourconscience，weshallproceedtodetailwithoutfurthercomment。
ThewholepopulationofRochesterandtheadjoiningtownsrosefromtheirbedsatanearlyhourofthefollowingmorning，inastateoftheutmostbustleandexcitement。AgrandreviewwastotakeplaceupontheLines。Themanoeuvresofhalf-a-dozenregimentsweretobeinspectedbytheeagleeyeofthecommander-in-chief。temporaryfortificationshadbeenerected，thecitadelwastobeattackedandtaken，andaminewastobesprung。
Mr。Pickwickwas，asourreadersmayhavegatheredfromtheslightextractwegavefromhisdescriptionofChatham，anenthusiasticadmirerofthearmy。Nothingcouldhavebeenmoredelightfultohim——nothingcouldhaveharmonisedsowellwiththepeculiarfeelingofeachofhiscompanions——asthissight。Accordinglytheyweresoona-foot，andwalkinginthedirectionofthesceneofaction，towardswhichcrowdsofpeoplewerealreadypouringfromavarietyofquarters。
TheappearanceofeverythingontheLinesdenotedthattheapproachingceremonywasoneoftheutmostgrandeurandimportance。Thereweresentriespostedtokeepthegroundforthetroops，andservantsonthebatterieskeepingplacesfortheladies，andsergeantsrunningtoandfro，withvellum-coveredbooksundertheirarms，andColonelBulder，infullmilitaryuniform，onhorseback，gallopingfirsttooneplaceandthentoanother，andbackinghishorseamongthepeople，andprancing，andcurvetting，andshoutinginamostalarmingmanner，andmakinghimselfveryhoarseinthevoice，andveryredintheface，withoutanyassignablecauseorreasonwhatever。
Officerswererunningbackwardsandforwards，firstcommunicatingwithColonelBulder，andthenorderingthesergeants，andthenrunningawayaltogether。andeventheveryprivatesthemselveslookedfrombehindtheirglazedstockswithanairofmysterioussolemnity，whichsufficientlybespokethespecialnatureoftheoccasion。
Mr。Pickwickandhisthreecompanionsstationedthemselvesinthefrontrankofthecrowd，andpatientlyawaitedthecommencementoftheproceedings。
Thethrongwasincreasingeverymoment。andtheeffortstheywerecompelledtomake，toretainthepositiontheyhadgained，sufficientlyoccupiedtheirattentionduringthetwohoursthatensued。Atonetimetherewasasuddenpressurefrombehind。andthenMr。Pickwickwasjerkedforwaardforseveralyards，withadegreeofspeedandelasticityhighlyinconsistentwiththegeneralgrvityofhisdemeanour。atanothermomenttherewasarequesttokeepbackfromthefront，andthenthebutt-endofamusketwaseitherdroppeduponMr。Pickwick’stoe，toremindhimofthedemand，orthrustintohischest，toensureitsbeingcompliedwith。Thensomefacetiousgentlemanontheleft，afterpressingsidewaysinabody，andsqueezingMr。Snodgrassintotheverylastextremeofhumantorture，wouldrequesttoknowverehevosashovin’to。andwhenMr。Winklehaddoneexpressinghisexcessiveindignationatwitnessingthisunprovokedassault，somepersonbehindwouldknockhishatoverhiseyes，andbegthefavourofhisputtinghisheadinhispocket。These，andotherpracticalwitticisms，coupledwiththeunaccountableabsenceofMr。Tupmanwhohadsuddenlydisappeared，andwasnowheretobefound，renderedtheirsituationuponthewholerathermoreuncomfortablethanpleasingordesirable。
Atlengththatlowroarofmanyvoicesranthroughthecrowd，whichusuallyannouncesthearrivalofwhatevertheyhavebeenwaitingfor。Alleyeswereturnedinthedirectionofthesally-port。Afewmomentsofeagerexpectation，andcolourswereseenflutteringgailyintheair，armsglistenedbrightlyinthesun，columnaftercolumnpouredontotheplain。Thetroopshaltedandformed。thewordofcommandrungthroughtheline，therewasageneralclashofmusketsasarmswerepresented。andthecommander-in-chief，attendedbyColonelBulderandnumerousofficers，canteredtothefront。
Themilitarybandsstruckupalltogether。thehorsesstoodupontwolegseach，canteredbackwards，andwhiskedtheirtailsaboutinalldirections：
thedogsbarked，themobscreamed，thetroopsrecovered，andnothingwastobeseenoneitherside，asfarastheeyecouldreach，butalongperspectiveofredcoatsandwhitetrousers，fixedandmotionless。
Mr。Pickwickhadbeensofullyoccupiedinfallingabout，anddisentanglinghimself，miraculously，frombetweenthelegsofhorses，thathehadnotenjoyedsufficientleisuretoobservethescenebeforehim，untilitassumedtheappearancewehavejustdescribed。Whenhewasatlastenabledtostandfirmlyonhislegs，hisgratificationanddelightwereunbounded。
Cananythingbefinerormoredelightful？heinquiredofMr。Winkle。
Nothing，repliedthatgentleman，whohadhadashortmanstandingoneachofhisfeetforthequarterofanhourimmediatelypreceding。
Itisindeedanobleandabrilliantsight，saidMr。Snodgrass，inwhosebosomablazeofpoetrywasrapidlyburstingforth，toseethegallantdefendersoftheircountrydrawnupinbrilliantarraybeforeitspeacefulcitizens。theirfacesbeaming——notwithwarlikeferocity，butwithcivilisedgentleness。theireyesflashing——notwiththerudefireofrapineorrevenge，butwiththesoftlightofhumanityandintelligence。
Mr。Pickwickfullyenteredintothespiritofthiseulogium，buthecouldnotexactlyre-echoitsterms。forthesoftlightofintelligenceburntratherfeeblyintheeyesofthewarriors，inasmuchasthecommandeyesfronthadbeengiven，andallthespectatorsawbeforehimwasseveralthousandpairsofoptics，staringstraightforward，whollydivestedofanyexpressionwhatever。
Weareinacapitalsituationnow，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingroundhim。Thecrowdhadgraduallydispersedintheirimmediatevicinity，andtheywerenearlyalone。
Capital！echoedbothMr。SnodgrassandMr。Winkle。
Whataretheydoingnow？inquiredMr。Pickwick，adjustinghisspectacles。
I——I——ratherthink，saidMr。Winkle，changingcolour——Iratherthinkthey’regoingtofire。
Nonsense，saidMr。Pickwick，hastily。
I——I——reallythinktheyare，urgedMr。Snodgrass，somewhatalarmed。
Impossible，repliedMr。Pickwick。Hehadhardlyutteredtheword，whenthewholehalf-dozenregimentslevelledtheirmusketsasiftheyhadbutonecommonobject，andthatobjectthePickwickians，andburstforthwiththemostawfulandtremendousdischargethatevershooktheearthtoitscentre，oranelderlygentlemanoffhis。
Itwasinthistryingsituation，exposedtoagallingfireofblankcartridges，andharassedbytheoperationsofthemilitary，afreshbodyofwhomhadbeguntofallinontheoppositeside，thatMr。Pickwickdisplayedthatperfectcoolnessandself-possession，whicharetheindispensableaccompanimentsofagreatmind。HeseizedMr。Winklebythearm，andplacinghimselfbetweenthatgentlemanandMr。Snodgrass，earnestlybesoughtthemtorememberthatbeyondthepossibilityofbeingrendereddeafbythenoise，therewasnoimmediatedangertobeapprehendedfromthefiring。
But——but——supposesomeofthemenshouldhappentohaveballcartridgesbymistake，remonstratedMr。Winkle，pallidatthesuppositionhewashimselfconjuringup。Iheardsomethingwhistlethroughtheairjustnow——sosharp。closetomyear。
Wehadbetterthrowourselvesonourfaces，hadn’twe？saidMr。Snodgrass。
No，no——it’sovernow，saidMr。Pickwick。Hislipmightquiver，andhischeekmightblanch，butnoexpressionoffearorconcernescapedthelipsofthatimmortalman。
Mr。Pickwickwasright：thefiringceased。buthehadscarcelytimetocongratulatehimselfontheaccuracyofhisopinion，whenaquickmovementwasvisibleintheline：thehoarseshoutofthewordofcommandranalongit，andbeforeeitherofthepartycouldformaguessatthemeaningofthisnewmanoeuvre，thewholeofthehalf-dozenregiments，withfixedbayonets，chargedatdoublequicktimedownupontheveryspotonwhichMr。Pickwickandhisfriendswerestationed。
Manisbutmortal：andthereisapointbeyondwhichhumancouragecannotextend。Mr。Pickwickgazedthroughhisspectaclesforaninstantontheadvancingmass，andthenfairlyturnedhisbackand——wewillnotsayfled。
firstly，becauseitisanignobleterm，and，secondly，becauseMr。Pickwick’sfigurewasbynomeansadaptedforthatmodeofretreat——hetrottedaway，atasquickarateashislegswouldconveyhim。soquickly，indeed，thathedidnotperceivetheawkwardnessofhissituation，tothefullextent，untiltoolate。
Theoppositetroops，whosefalling-inhadperplexedMr。
Pickwickafewsecondsbefore，weredrawnuptorepelthemimicattackoftheshambesiegersofthecitadel。andtheconsequencewasthatMr。
Pickwickandhistwocompanionsfoundthemselvessuddenlyinclosedbetweentwolinesofgreatlength，theoneadvancingatarapidpace，andtheotherfirmlywaitingthecollisioninhostilearray。
Hoi！shoutedtheofficersoftheadvancingline。
Getoutoftheway！criedtheofficersofthestationaryone。
Wherearewetogoto？screamedtheagitatedPickwickians。
Hoi——hoi——hoi！wastheonlyreply。Therewasamomentofintensebewilderment，aheavytrampoffootsteps，aviolentconcussion，asmotheredlaugh。thehalf-dozenregimentswerehalfathousandyardsoff，andthesolesofMr。
Pickwick’sbootswereelevatedinair。
Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklehadeachperformedacompulsorysomersetwithremarkableagility，whenthefirstobjectthatmettheeyesofthelatterashesatontheground，staunchingwithayellowsilkhandkerchiefthestreamoflifewhichissuedfromhisnose，washisveneratedleaderatsomedistanceoff，runningafterhisownhat，whichwasgambolingplayfullyawayinperspective。
Thereareveryfewmomentsinaman’sexistencewhenheexperiencessomuchludicrousdistress，ormeetswithsolittlecharitablecommiseration，aswhenheisinpursuitofhisownhat。Avastdealofcoolness，andapeculiardegreeofjudgment，arerequisiteincatchingahat。Amanmustnotbeprecipitate，orherunsoverit。hemustnotrushintotheoppositeextreme，orhelosesitaltogether。Thebestwayis，tokeepgentlyupwiththeobjectofpursuit，tobewaryandcautious，towatchyouropportunitywell，getgraduallybeforeit，thenmakearapiddive，seizeitbythecrown，andstickitfirmlyonyourhead：smilingpleasantlyallthetime，asifyouthoughtitasgoodajokeasanybodyelse。
Therewasafinegentlewind，andMr。Pickwick’shatrolledsportivelybeforeit。Thewindpuffed，andMr。Pickwickpuffed，andthehatrolledoverandoverasmerrilyasalivelyporpoiseinastrongtide。andonitmighthaverolled，farbeyondMr。Pickwick’sreach，hadnotitscoursebeenprovidentiallystopped，justasthatgentlemanwasonthepointofresigningittoitsfate。
Mr。Pickwick，wesay，wascompletelyexhausted，andabouttogiveupthechase，whenthehatwasblownwithsomeviolenceagainstthewheelofacarriage，whichwasdrawnupinalinewithhalf-a-dozenothervehiclesonthespottowhichhisstepshadbeendirected。Mr。Pickwick，perceivinghisadvantage，dartedbrisklyforward，securedhisproperty，planteditonhishead，andpausedtotakebreath。Hehadnotbeenstationaryhalfaminute，whenheheardhisownnameeagerlypronouncedbyavoice，whichheatoncerecognisedasMr。Tupman’s，and，lookingupwards，hebeheldasightwhichfilledhimwithsurpriseandpleasure。
Inanopenbarouche，thehorsesofwhichhadbeentakenout，thebettertoaccommodateittothecrowdedplace，stoodastoutoldgentleman，inabluecoatandbrightbuttons，corduroybreechesandtop-boots，twoyoungladiesinscarfsandfeathers，ayounggentlemanapparentlyenamouredofoneoftheyoungladiesinscarfsandfeathers，aladyofdoubtfulage，probablytheauntoftheaforesaid，andMr。Tupman，aseasyandunconcernedasifhehadbelongedtothefamilyfromthefirstmomentsofhisinfancy。
Fastenedupbehindthebarouchewasahamperofspaciousdimensions——oneofthosehamperswhichalwaysawakensinacontemplativemindassociationsconnectedwithcoldfowls，tongues，andbottlesofwine——andontheboxsatafatandred-facedboy，inastateofsomnolency，whomnospeculativeobservercouldhaveregardedforaninstantwithoutsettingdownastheofficialdispenserofthecontentsofthebefore-mentionedhamper，whenthepropertimefortheirconsumptionshouldarrive。
Mr。Pickwickhadbestowedahastyglanceontheseinterestingobjects，whenhewasagaingreetedbyhisfaithfuldisciple。
Pickwick——Pickwick，saidMr。Tupman：comeuphere。Makehaste。
Comealong，sir。Pray，comeup，saidthestoutgentleman。Joe！——damnthatboy，he’sgonetosleepagain——Joe，letdownthesteps。Thefatboyrolledslowlyoffthebox，letdownthesteps，andheldthecarriagedoorinvitinglyopen。Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklecameupatthemoment。
Roomforyouall，gentlemen，saidthestoutman。Twoinside，andoneout。Joe，makeroomforoneofthesegentlemenonthebox。Now，sir，comealong。andthestoutgentlemanextendedhisarm，andpulledfirstMr。Pickwick，andthenMr。Snodgrass，intothebarouchebymainforce。
Mr。Winklemountedtothebox，thefatboywaddledtothesameperch，andfellfastasleepinstantly。
Well，gentlemen，saidthestoutman，verygladtoseeyou。Knowyouverywell，gentlemen，thoughyoumayn’trememberme。Ispentsomeev’ninsatyourclublastwinter——pickedupmyfriendMr。Tupmanherethismorning，andverygladIwastoseehim。Well，sir，andhowareyou？Youdolookuncommonwell，tobesure。
Mr。Pickwickacknowledgedthecompliment，andcordiallyshookhandswiththestoutgentlemaninthetopboots。
Well，andhowareyou，sir？saidthestoutgentleman，addressingMr。
Snodgrasswithpaternalanxiety。Charming，eh？Well，that’sright——that’sright。Andhowareyou，sirtoMr。Winkle？Well，Iamgladtohearyousayyouarewell。verygladIam，tobesure。Mydaughters，gentlemen——mygalstheseare。andthat’smysister，MissRachaelWardle。She’saMiss，sheis。andyetshean’taMiss——eh，sir，eh？AndthestoutgentlemanplayfullyinsertedhiselbowbetweentheribsofMr。Pickwick，andlaughedveryheartily。
Lor，brother！saidMissWardle，withadeprecatingsmile。
True，true，saidthestoutgentleman。noonecandenyit。Gentlemen，Ibegyourpardon。thisismyfriendMr。Trundle。Andnowyouallknoweachother，let’sbecomfortableandhappy，andseewhat’sgoingforward。
that’swhatIsay。Sothestoutgentlemanputonhisspectacles，andMr。
Pickwickpulledouthisglass，andeverybodystoodupinthecarriage，andlookedoversomebodyelse’sshoulderattheevolutionsofthemilitary。
Astoundingevolutionstheywere，onerankfiringovertheheadsofanotherrank，andthenrunningaway。andthentheotherrankfiringovertheheadsofanotherrank，andrunningawayintheirturn。andthenformingsquares，withofficersinthecentre。andthendescendingthetrenchononesidewithscalingladders，andascendingitontheotheragainbythesamemeans。
andknockingdownbarricadesofbaskets，andbehavinginthemostgallantmannerpossible。Thentherewassucharammingdownofthecontentsofenormousgunsonthebattery，withinstrumentslikemagnifiedmops。suchapreparationbeforetheywereletoff，andsuchanawfulnoisewhentheydidgo，thattheairresoundedwiththescreamsofladies。TheyoungMissWardlesweresofrightened，thatMr。Trundlewasactuallyobligedtoholdoneofthemupinthecarriage，whileMr。Snodgrasssupportedtheother，andMr。Wardle’ssistersufferedundersuchadreadfulstateofnervousalarm，thatMr。Tupmanfounditindispensablynecessarytoputhisarmroundherwaist，tokeepherupatall。Everybodywasexcited，exceptthefatboy，andhesleptassoundlyasiftheroaringofcannonwerehisordinarylullaby。
Joe，Joe！saidthestoutgentleman，whenthecitadelwastaken，andthebesiegersandbesiegedsatdowntodinner。Damnthatboy，he’sgonetosleepagain。Begoodenoughtopinchhim，sir——intheleg，ifyouplease。
nothingelsewakeshim——thankyou。Undothehamper，Joe。
Thefatboy，whohadbeeneffectuallyrousedbythecompressionofaportionofhislegbetweenthefingerandthumbofMr。Winkle，rolledofftheboxonceagain，andproceededtounpackthehamper，withmoreexpeditionthancouldhavebeenexpectedfromhispreviousinactivity。
Now，wemustsitclose，saidthestoutgentleman。Afteragreatmanyjokesaboutsqueezingtheladies’sleeves，andavastquantityofblushingatsundryjocoseproposals，thattheladiesshouldsitinthegentlemen’slaps，thewholepartywerestoweddowninthebarouche。andthestoutgentlemanproceededtohandthethingsfromthefatboywhohadmountedupbehindforthepurposeintothecarriage。
Now，Joe，knivesandforks。Theknivesandforkswerehandedin，andtheladiesandgentlemeninside，andMr。Winkleonthebox，wereeachfurnishedwiththoseusefulinstruments。
Plates，Joe，plates。Asimilarprocessemployedinthedistributionofthecrockery。
Now，Joe，thefowls。Damnthatboy。he’sgonetosleepagain。Joe！
Joe！Sundrytapsontheheadwithastick，andthefatboy，withsomedifficulty，rousedfromhislethargy。Come，handintheeatables。
Therewassomethinginthesoundofthelastwordwhichrousedtheunctuousboy。Hejumpedup：andtheleadeneyes，whichtwinkledbehindhismountainouscheeks，leeredhorriblyuponthefoodasheunpackeditfromthebasket。
Nowmakehaste，saidMr。Wardle。forthefatboywashangingfondlyoveracapon，whichheseemedwhollyunabletopartwith。Theboysigheddeeply，and，bestowinganardentgazeuponitsplumpness，unwillinglyconsignedittohismaster。
That’sright——looksharp。Nowthetongue——nowthepigeon-pie。Takecareofthatvealandham——mindthelobsters——takethesaladoutofthecloth——givemethedressing。SuchwerethehurriedorderswhichissuedfromthelipsofMr。Wardle，ashehandedinthedifferentarticlesdescribed，andplaceddishesineverybody’shands，andoneverybody’sknees，inendlessnumber。
Nowan’tthiscapital？inquiredthatjollypersonage，whentheworkofdestructionhadcommenced。
Capital！saidMr。Winkle，whowascarvingafowlonthebox。
Glassofwine？
Withthegreatestpleasure。
You’dbetterhaveabottletoyourself，upthere，hadn’tyou？
You’reverygood。
Joe！
Yes，sir。Hewasn’tasleepthistime，havingjustsucceededinabstractingavealpatty。
Bottleofwinetothegentlemanonthebox。Gladtoseeyou，sir。
Thank’ee。Mr。Winkleemptiedhisglass，andplacedthebottleonthecoach-box，byhisside。
Willyoupermitmetohavethepleasure，sir？saidMr。TrundletoMr。Winkle。
Withgreatpleasure，repliedMr。WinkletoMr。Trundle：andthenthetwogentlementookwine，afterwhichtheytookaglassofwineround，ladiesandall。
HowdearEmilyisflirtingwiththestrangergentleman，whisperedthespinsteraunt，withtruespinster-aunt-likeenvy，toherbrotherMr。
Wardle。
Oh！Idon’tknow，saidthejollyoldgentleman。allverynatural，Idaresay——nothingunusual。Mr。Pickwick，somewine，sir？Mr。Pickwick，whohadbeendeeplyinvestigatingtheinteriorofthepigeon-pie，readilyassented。
Emily，mydear，saidthespinsteraunt，withapatronisingair，don’ttalksoloud，love。
Lor’，aunt！
Auntandthelittleoldgentlemanwanttohaveitalltothemselves，Ithink，whisperedMissIsabellaWardletohersisterEmily。Theyoungladieslaughedveryheartily，andtheoldonetriedtolookamiable，butcouldn’tmanageit。
Younggirlshavesuchspirits，saidMissWardletoMr。Tupman，withanairofgentlecommiseration，asifanimalspiritswerecontraband，andtheirpossessionwithoutapermit，ahighcrimeandmisdemeanour。
Oh，theyhave，repliedMr。Tupman，notexactlymakingthesortofreplythatwasexpectedfromhim。It’squitedelightful。
Hem！saidMissWardle，ratherdubiously。
Willyoupermitme，saidMr。Tupman，inhisblandestmanner，touchingtheenchantingRachael’swristwithonehand，andgentlyelevatingthebottlewiththeother。Willyoupermitme？
Oh，sir！Mr。Tupmanlookedmostimpressive。andRachaelexpressedherfearthatmoregunsweregoingoff，inwhichcase，ofcourse，shewouldhaverequiredsupportagain。
Doyouthinkmydearniecespretty？whisperedtheiraffectionateaunttoMr。Tupman。
Ishould，iftheirauntwasn’there，repliedthereadyPickwickian，withapassionateglance。
Oh，younaughtyman——butreally，iftheircomplexionswerealittlelittlebetter，don’tyouthinktheywouldbenice-lookinggirls——bycandle-light？
Yes。Ithinktheywould。saidMr。Tupman，withanairofindifference。
Oh，youquiz——Iknowwhatyouweregoingtosay。
What？inquiredMr。Tupman，whohadnotpreciselymadeuphismindtosayanythingatall。
Youweregoingtosay，thatIsabelstoops——Iknowyouwere——youmenaresuchobservers。Well，soshedoes。itcan’tbedenied。and，certainly，ifthereisonethingmorethananotherthatmakesagirllookugly，itisstooping。Ioftentellher，thatwhenshegetsalittleolder，she’llbequitefrightful。Well，youareaquiz！
Mr。Tupmanhadnoobjectiontoearningthereputationatsocheaparate：sohelookedveryknowing，andsmiledmysteriously。
Whatasarcasticsmile，saidtheadmiringRachael：IdeclareI’mquiteafraidofyou。
Afraidofme！
Oh，youcan’tdisguiseanythingfromme——Iknowwhatthatsmilemeans，verywell。
What？saidMr。Tupman，whohadnottheslightestnotionhimself。
Youmean，saidtheamiableaunt，sinkinghervoicestilllower——Youmean，thatyoudon’tthinkIsabella’sstoopingisasbadasEmily’sboldness。
Well，sheisbold！Youcannotthinkhowwretcheditmakesmesometimes。