Inearnest，theyhavereasontorequireaveryfavourablebelieffromtheirpatients;and，indeed，itoughttobeaveryeasyone，toswallowthingssohardtobebelieved。Platosaidverywell，thatphysiciansweretheonlymenwhomightlieatpleasure，sinceourhealthdependsuponthevanityandfalsityoftheirpromises。
　　AEsop，amostexcellentauthor，andofwhomfewmendiscoverallthegraces，pleasantlyrepresentstousthetyrannicalauthorityphysiciansusurpoverpoorcreatures，weakenedandsubduedbysicknessandfear，whenhetellsus，thatasickperson，beingaskedbyhisphysicianwhatoperationhefoundofthepotionhehadgivenhim:"Ihavesweatedverymuch，"saysthesickman。"That’sgood，"saysthephysician。Anothertime，havingaskedhowhefelthimselfafterhisphysic:"Ihavebeenverycold，andhavehadagreatshiveringuponme，"saidhe。"Thatisgood，"repliedthephysician。Afterthethirdpotion，heaskedhimagainhowhedid:"Why，Ifindmyselfswollenandpuffedup，"saidhe，"asifIhadadropsy。"Thatisverywell，"saidthephysician。Oneofhisservantscomingpresentlyaftertoinquirehowhefelthimself，"Truly，friend，"saidhe，"withbeingtoowellIamabouttodie。"
　　TherewasamorejustlawinEgypt，bywhichthephysician，forthethreefirstdays，wastotakechargeofhispatientatthepatient’sownriskandcost;but，thosethreedaysbeingpast，itwastobeathisown。Forwhatreasonisitthattheirpatron，AEsculapius，shouldbestruckwiththunderforrestoringHippolitusfromdeathtolife:
　　"NamPateromnipotens，aliquemindignatusabumbrisMortaleminfernisadluminasurgerevitae，Ipserepertoremmedicinaetalis，etartisFulminePhoebigenamStygiasdetrusitadundas;"
　　["ThentheAlmightyFather，offendedthatanymortalshouldrisetothelightoflifefromtheinfernalshades，struckthesonofPhoebuswithhisforkedlightningtotheStygianlake。"
　　——AEneid，vii。770。]
　　andhisfollowersbepardoned，whosendsomanysoulsfromlifetodeath？
　　Aphysician，boastingtoNicoclesthathisartwasofgreatauthority:
　　"Itisso，indeed，"saidNicocles，"thatcanwithimpunitykillsomanypeople。"
　　Astowhatremains，hadIbeenoftheircounsel，Iwouldhaverenderedmydisciplinemoresacredandmysterious;theybegunwell，buttheyhavenotendedso。Itwasagoodbeginningtomakegodsanddemonstheauthorsoftheirscience，andtohaveusedapeculiarwayofspeakingandwriting，notwithstandingthatphilosophyconcludesitfollytopersuadeamantohisowngoodbyanunintelligibleway:"Utsiquismedicusimperet，utsumat:"
　　"Terrigenam，herbigradam，domiportam，sanguinecassam。"
　　["Describingitbytheepithetsofananimaltrailingwithitsslimeovertheherbage，withoutbloodorbones，andcarryingitshouseuponitsback，meaningsimplyasnail。"——Coste]
　　Itwasagoodruleintheirart，andthataccompaniesallothervain，fantastic，andsupernaturalarts，thatthepatient’sbeliefshouldprepossessthemwithgoodhopeandassuranceoftheireffectsandoperation:aruletheyholdtothatdegree，astomaintainthatthemostinexpertandignorantphysicianismoreproperforapatientwhohasconfidenceinhim，thanthemostlearnedandexperiencedwhomheisnotsoacquaintedwith。Nay，eventheverychoiceofmostoftheirdrugsisinsomesortmysteriousanddivine;theleftfootofatortoise，theurineofalizard，thedungofanelephant，theliverofamole，blooddrawnfromundertherightwingofawhitepigeon;andforuswhohavethestone（soscornfullytheyuseusinourmiseries）theexcrementofratsbeatentopowder，andsuchliketrashandfoolerieswhichrathercarryafaceofmagicalenchantmentthanofanysolidscience。Iomittheoddnumberoftheirpills，thedestinationofcertaindaysandfeastsoftheyear，thesuperstitionofgatheringtheirsimplesatcertainhours，andthatsoaustereandverywisecountenanceandcarriagewhichPlinyhimselfsomuchderides。Buttheyhave，asIsaid，failedinthattheyhavenotaddedtothisfinebeginningthemakingtheirmeetingsandconsultationsmorereligiousandsecret，wherenoprofanepersonshouldhaveadmission，nomorethaninthesecretceremoniesofAEsculapius;forbythereasonofthisitfallsoutthattheirirresolution，theweaknessoftheirarguments，divinationsandfoundations，thesharpnessoftheirdisputes，fullofhatred，jealousy，andself—consideration，comingtobediscoveredbyeveryone，amanmustbemarvellouslyblindnottoseethatherunsaverygreathazardintheirhands。Whoeversawonephysicianapproveofanother’sprescription，withouttakingsomethingaway，oraddingsomethingtoit？bywhichtheysufficientlybetraytheirtricks，andmakeitmanifesttousthattheythereinmoreconsidertheirownreputation，andconsequentlytheirprofit，thantheirpatient’sinterest。
　　Hewasamuchwisermanoftheirtribe，whoofoldgaveitasarule，thatonlyonephysicianshouldundertakeasickperson;forifhedonothingtopurpose，onesingleman’sdefaultcanbringnogreatscandalupontheartofmedicine;and，onthecontrary，theglorywillbegreatifhehappentohavesuccess;whereas，whentherearemany，theyateveryturnbringadisreputeupontheircalling，forasmuchastheyoftenerdohurtthangood。Theyoughttobesatisfiedwiththeperpetualdisagreementwhichisfoundintheopinionsoftheprincipalmastersandancientauthorsofthisscience，whichisonlyknowntomenwellread，withoutdiscoveringtothevulgarthecontroversiesandvariousjudgmentswhichtheystillnourishandcontinueamongstthemselves。
　　Willyouhaveoneexampleoftheancientcontroversyinphysic？
　　Herophiluslodgestheoriginalcauseofalldiseasesinthehumours;
　　Erasistratus，inthebloodofthearteries;Asclepiades，intheinvisibleatomsofthepores;Alcmaeon，intheexuberanceordefectofourbodilystrength;Diocles，intheinequalityoftheelementsofwhichthebodyiscomposed，andinthequalityoftheairwebreathe;Strato，intheabundance，crudity，andcorruptionofthenourishmentwetake;andHippocrateslodgesitinthespirits。Thereisacertainfriendoftheirs，——[Celsus，PrefacetotheFirstBook。]——whomtheyknowbetterthanI，whodeclaresuponthissubject，"thatthemostimportantscienceinpracticeamongstus，asthatwhichisintrustedwithourhealthandconservation，is，byillluck，themostuncertain，themostperplexed，andagitatedwiththegreatestmutations。"Thereisnogreatdangerinourmistakingtheheightofthesun，orthefractionofsomeastronomicalsupputation;buthere，whereourwholebeingisconcerned，’tisnotwisdomtoabandonourselvestothemercyoftheagitationofsomanycontrarywinds。
　　BeforethePeloponnesianwartherewasnogreattalkofthisscience。
　　Hippocratesbroughtitintorepute;whateverheestablished，Chrysippusoverthrew;afterthat，Erasistratus，Aristotle’sgrandson，overthrewwhatChrysippushadwritten;afterthese，theEmpiricsstartedup，whotookaquitecontrarywaytotheancientsinthemanagementofthisart;whenthecreditofthesebeganalittletodecay，Herophilussetanothersortofpracticeonfoot，whichAsclepiadesinturnstoodupagainst，andoverthrew;then，intheirturn，theopinionsfirstofThemiso，andthenofMusa，andafterthatthoseofVectiusValens，aphysicianfamousthroughtheintelligencehehadwithMessalina，cameinvogue;theempireofphysicinNero’stimewasestablishedinThessalus，whoabolishedandcondemnedallthathadbeenheldtillhistime;thisman’sdoctrinewasrefutedbyCrinasofMarseilles，whofirstbroughtallmedicinaloperationsundertheEphemeridesandmotionsofthestars，andreducedeating，sleeping，anddrinkingtohoursthatweremostpleasingtoMercuryandthemoon;hisauthoritywassoonaftersupplantedbyCharinus，aphysicianofthesamecityofMarseilles，amanwhonotonlycontrovertedalltheancientmethodsofphysic，butmoreovertheusageofhotbaths，thathadbeengenerallyandforsomanyagesincommonuse;hemademenbatheincoldwater，eveninwinter，andplungedhissickpatientsinthenaturalwatersofstreams。NoRomantillPliny’stimehadevervouchsafedtopractisephysic;thatofficewasonlyperformedbyGreeksandforeigners，as’tisnowamongstusFrench，bythosewhosputterLatin;for，asaverygreatphysiciansays，wedonoteasilyacceptthemedicineweunderstand，nomorethanwedothedrugsweourselvesgather。Ifthenationswhencewefetchourguaiacum，sarsaparilla，andChinawood，havephysicians，howgreatavaluemustweimagine，bythesamerecommendationofstrangeness，rarity，anddearpurchase，dotheysetuponourcabbageandparsley？forwhowoulddaretocontemnthingssofarfetched，andsoughtoutatthehazardofsolonganddangerousavoyage？
　　Sincetheseancientmutationsinphysic，therehavebeeninfiniteothersdowntoourowntimes，and，forthemostpart，mutationsentireanduniversal，asthose，forexample，producedbyParacelsus，Fioravanti，andArgentier;forthey，asIamtold，notonlyalteronerecipe，butthewholecontextureandrulesofthebodyofphysic，accusingallothersofignoranceandimpositionwhohavepractisedbeforethem。Atthisrate，inwhataconditionthepoorpatientmustbe，Ileaveyoutojudge。
　　Ifwewereevenassuredthat，whentheymakeamistake，thatmistakeoftheirswoulddousnoharm，thoughitdidusnogood，itwereareasonablebargaintoventurethemakingourselvesbetterwithoutanydangerofbeingmadeworse。AEsoptellsastory，thatonewhohadboughtaMoriscoslave，believingthathisblackcomplexionhadarrivedbyaccidentandtheillusageofhisformermaster，causedhimtoenterwithgreatcareintoacourseofbathsandpotions:ithappenedthattheMoorwasnothingamendedinhistawnycomplexion，buthewhollylosthisformerhealth。Howoftendoweseephysiciansimputethedeathoftheirpatientstooneanother？Irememberthatsomeyearsagotherewasanepidemicaldisease，verydangerousandforthemostpartmortal，thatragedinthetownsaboutus:thestormbeingoverwhichhadsweptawayaninfinitenumberofmen，oneofthemostfamousphysiciansofallthecountry，presentlyafterpublishedabookuponthatsubject，wherein，uponbetterthoughts，heconfessesthatthelettingbloodinthatdiseasewastheprincipalcauseofsomanymishaps。Moreover，theirauthorsholdthatthereisnophysicthathasnotsomethinghurtfulinit。Andifeventhoseofthebestoperationinsomemeasureoffendus，whatmustthosedothataretotallymisapplied？Formyownpart，thoughtherewerenothingelseinthecase，Iamofopinion，thattothosewholoathethetasteofphysic，itmustneedsbeadangerousandprejudicialendeavourtoforceitdownatsoincommodiousatime，andwithsomuchaversion，andbelievethatitmarvellouslydistempersasickpersonatatimewhenhehassomuchneedofrepose。Andmoreover，ifwebutconsidertheoccasionsuponwhichtheyusuallygroundthecauseofourdiseases，theyaresolightandnice，thatIthenceconcludeaverylittleerrorinthedispensationoftheirdrugsmaydoagreatdealofmischief。Now，ifthemistakeofaphysicianbesodangerous，weareinbutascurvycondition;
　　foritisalmostimpossiblebuthemustoftenfallintothosemistakes:
　　hehadneedoftoomanyparts，considerations，andcircumstances，rightlytolevelhisdesign:hemustknowthesickperson’scomplexion，histemperament，hishumours，inclinations，actions，nay，hisverythoughtsandimaginations;hemustbeassuredoftheexternalcircumstances，ofthenatureoftheplace，thequalityoftheairandseason，thesituationoftheplanets，andtheirinfluences:hemustknowinthedisease，thecauses，prognostics，affections，andcriticaldays;inthedrugs，theweight，thepowerofworking，thecountry，figure，age，anddispensation，andhemustknowhowrightlytoproportionandmixthemtogether，tobegetajustandperfectsymmetry;whereiniftherebetheleasterror，ifamongstsomanyspringstherebebutanyoneoutoforder，’tisenoughtodestroyus。Godknowswithhowgreatdifficultymostofthesethingsaretobeunderstood:for（forexample）howshallthephysicianfindoutthetruesignofthedisease，everydiseasebeingcapableofaninfinitenumberofindications？Howmanydoubtsandcontroversieshavetheyamongstthemselvesupontheinterpretationofurines？otherwise，whenceshouldthecontinualdebatesweseeamongstthemabouttheknowledgeofthediseaseproceed？howcouldweexcusetheerrortheysooftfallinto，oftakingfoxformarten？InthediseasesIhavehad，thoughtherewereeversolittledifficultyinthecase，Ineverfoundthreeofoneopinion:whichIinstance，becauseIlovetointroduceexampleswhereinI
　　ammyselfconcerned。
　　AgentlemanatPariswaslatelycutforthestonebyorderofthephysicians，inwhosebladder，beingaccordinglysocut，therewasfoundnomorestonethaninthepalmofhishand;andinthesameplaceabishop，whowasmyparticularfriend，havingbeenearnestlypressedbythemajorityofthephysicianswhomheconsulted，tosufferhimselftobecut，towhichalso，upontheirword，Iusedmyinteresttopersuadehim，whenhewasdeadandopened，itappearedthathehadnomaladybutinthekidneys。Theyareleastexcusableforanyerrorinthisdisease，byreasonthatitisinsomesortpalpable;and’tisthencethatIconcludesurgerytobemuchmorecertain，byreasonthatitseesandfeelswhatitdoes，andsogoeslessuponconjecture;whereasthephysicianshaveno’speculummatricis’，bywhichtoexamineourbrains，lungs，andliver。
　　Eventheverypromisesofphysicareincredibleinthemselves;for，havingtoprovideagainstdiversandcontraryaccidentsthatoftenafflictusatoneandthesametime，andthathavealmostanecessaryrelation，astheheatoftheliverandthecoldnessofthestomach，theywillneedspersuadeus，thatoftheiringredientsonewillheatthestomachandtheotherwillcooltheliver:onehasitscommissiontogodirectlytothekidneys，nay，eventothebladder，withoutscatteringitsoperationsbytheway，andistoretainitspowerandvirtuethroughallthoseturnsandmeanders，eventotheplacetotheserviceofwhichitisdesigned，byitsownoccultpropertythiswilldry—thebrain;thatwillmoistenthelungs。Ofallthisbundleofthingshavingmixedupapotion，isitnotakindofmadnesstoimagineortohopethatthesedifferingvirtuesshouldseparatethemselvesfromoneanotherinthismixtureandconfusion，toperformsomanyvariouserrands？Ishouldverymuchfearthattheywouldeitherloseorchangetheirtickets，anddisturboneanother’squarters。Andwhocanimaginebutthat，inthisliquidconfusion，thesefacultiesmustcorrupt，confound，andspoiloneanother？Andisnotthedangerstillmorewhenthemakingupofthismedicineisentrustedtotheskillandfidelityofstillanother，towhosemercyweagainabandonourlives？
　　Aswehavedoubletandbreeches—makers，distincttrades，toclotheus，andaresomuchthebetterfitted，seeingthateachofthemmeddlesonlywithhisownbusiness，andhaslesstotroublehisheadwiththanthetailorwhoundertakesall;andasinmatterofdiet，greatpersons，fortheirbetterconvenience，andtotheendtheymaybebetterserved，havecooksforthedifferentoffices，thisforsoupsandpotages，thatforroasting，insteadofwhichifonecookshouldundertakethewholeservice，hecouldnotsowellperformit;soalsoastothecureofourmaladies。TheEgyptianshadreasontorejectthisgeneraltradeofphysician，andtodividetheprofession:toeachdisease，toeachpartofthebody，itsparticularworkman;forthatpartwasmoreproperlyandwithlessconfusioncaredfor，seeingthepersonlookedtonothingelse。
　　Oursarenotawarethathewhoprovidesforall，providesfornothing;
　　andthattheentiregovernmentofthismicrocosmismorethantheyareabletoundertake。Whilsttheywereafraidofstoppingadysentery，lesttheyshouldputthepatientintoafever，theykilledmeafriend，——[EstiennedelaBoetie。]——whowasworthmorethanthewholeofthem。
　　Theycounterpoisetheirowndivinationswiththepresentevils;andbecausetheywillnotcurethebraintotheprejudiceofthestomach，theyinjurebothwiththeirdissentientandtumultuarydrugs。
　　Astothevarietyandweaknessoftherationaleofthisart，theyaremoremanifestinitthaninanyotherart;aperitivemedicinesareproperforamansubjecttothestone，byreasonthatopeninganddilatingthepassagestheyhelpforwardtheslimymatterwhereofgravelandstoneareengendered，andconveythatdownwardwhichbeginstohardenandgatherinthereins;aperitivethingsaredangerousforamansubjecttothestone，byreasonthat，openinganddilatingthepassages，theyhelpforwardthematterpropertocreatethegraveltowardthereins，whichbytheirownpropensionbeingapttoseizeit，’tisnottobeimaginedbutthatagreatdealofwhathasbeenconveyedthithermustremainbehind;
　　moreover，ifthemedicinehappentomeetwithanythingtoolargetobecarriedthroughallthenarrowpassagesitmustpasstobeexpelled，thatobstruction，whateveritis，beingstirredbytheseaperitivethingsandthrownintothosenarrowpassages，comingtostopthem，willoccasionacertainandmostpainfuldeath。Theyhavethelikeuniformityinthecounselstheygiveusfortheregimenoflife:itisgoodtomakewateroften;forweexperimentallyseethat，inlettingitlielonginthebladder，wegiveittimetosettlethesediment，whichwillconcreteintoastone;itisgoodnottomakewateroften，fortheheavyexcrementsitcarriesalongwithitwillnotbevoidedwithoutviolence，asweseebyexperiencethatatorrentthatrunswithforcewashesthegrounditrollsovermuchcleanerthanthecourseofaslowandtardystream;so，itisgoodtohaveoftentodowithwomen，forthatopensthepassagesandhelpstoevacuategravel;itisalsoveryilltohaveoftentodowithwomen，becauseitheats，tires，andweakensthereins。Itisgoodtobathefrequentlyinhotwater，forasmuchasthatrelaxesandmollifiestheplaceswherethegravelandstonelie;itisalsoillbyreasonthatthisapplicationofexternalheathelpsthereinstobake，harden，andpetrifythemattersodisposed。Forthosewhoaretakingbathsitismosthealthful。Toeatlittleatnight，totheendthatthewaterstheyaretodrinkthenextmorningmayhaveabetteroperationuponanemptystomach;ontheotherhand，itisbettertoeatlittleatdinner，thatithindernottheoperationofthewaters，whileitisnotyetperfect，andnottooppressthestomachsosoonaftertheotherlabour，butleavetheofficeofdigestiontothenight，whichwillmuchbetterperformitthantheday，whenthebodyandsoulareinperpetualmovingandaction。Thusdotheyjuggleandtrifleinalltheirdiscoursesatourexpense;andtheycouldnotgivemeonepropositionagainstwhichIshouldnotknowhowtoraiseacontraryofequalforce。Letthem，then，nolongerexclaimagainstthosewhointhistroubleofsicknesssufferthemselvestobegentlyguidedbytheirownappetiteandtheadviceofnature，andcommitthemselvestothecommonfortune。
　　IhaveseeninmytravelsalmostallthefamousbathsofChristendom，andforsomeyearspasthavebeguntomakeuseofthemmyself:forIlookuponbathingasgenerallywholesome，andbelievethatwesuffernolittleinconveniencesinourhealthbyhavingleftoffthecustomthatwasgenerallyobserved，informertimes，almostbyallnations，andisyetinmany，ofbathingeveryday;andIcannotimaginebutthatwearemuchtheworseby，havingourlimbscrustedandourporesstoppedwithdirt。Andastothedrinkingofthem，fortunehasinthefirstplacerenderedthemnotatallunacceptabletomytaste;andsecondly，theyarenaturalandsimple，whichatleastcarrynodangerwiththem，thoughtheymaydousnogood，ofwhichtheinfinitecrowdofpeopleofallsortsandcomplexionswhorepairthitherItaketobeasufficientwarranty;andalthoughIhavenotthereobservedanyextraordinaryandmiraculouseffects，butthatonthecontrary，havingmorenarrowlythanordinaryinquiredintoit，Ihavefoundallthereportsofsuchoperationsthathavebeenspreadabroadinthoseplacesill—groundedandfalse，andthosethatbelievethem（aspeoplearewillingtobegulledinwhattheydesire）deceivedinthem，yetIhaveseldomknownanywhohavebeenmadeworsebythosewaters，andamancannothonestlydenybutthattheybegetabetterappetite，helpdigestion，anddoinsomesortreviveus，ifwedonotgotoolateandintooweakacondition，whichIwoulddissuadeeveryonefromdoing。Theyhavenotthevirtuetoraisemenfromdesperateandinveteratediseases，buttheymayhelpsomelightindisposition，orpreventsomethreateningalteration。Hewhodoesnotbringalongwithhimsomuchcheerfulnessastoenjoythepleasureofthecompanyhewilltheremeet，andofthewalksandexercisestowhichtheamenityofthoseplacesinviteus，willdoubtlesslosethebestandsurestpartoftheireffect。ForthisreasonIhavehithertochosentogotothoseofthemostpleasantsituation，wheretherewasthebestconveniencyoflodging，provision，andcompany，asthebathsofBagneresinFrance，thoseofPlombieresonthefrontiersofGermanyandLorraine，thoseofBadeninSwitzerland，thoseofLuccainTuscany，andespeciallythoseofDellaVilla，whichIhavethemostandatvariousseasonsfrequented。
　　Everynationhasparticularopinionstouchingtheiruse，andparticularrulesandmethodsinusingthem;andallofthem，accordingtowhatI
　　haveseen，almostwithlikeeffect。DrinkingthemisnotatallreceivedinGermany;theGermansbatheforalldiseases，andwillliedabblinginthewateralmostfromsuntosun;inItaly，wheretheydrinkninedays，theybatheatleastthirty，andcommonlydrinkthewatermixedwithsomeotherdrugstomakeitworkthebetter。Hereweareorderedtowalktodigestit;therewearekeptinbedaftertakingittillitbewroughtoff，ourstomachsandfeethavingcontinuallyhotclothsappliedtothemallthewhile;andastheGermanshaveaparticularpracticegenerallytousecuppingandscarificationinthebath，sotheItalianshavetheir’doccie’，whicharecertainlittlestreamsofthishotwaterbroughtthroughpipes，andwiththesebatheanhourinthemorning，andasmuchintheafternoon，foramonthtogether，eitherthehead，stomach，oranyotherpartwheretheevillies。Thereareinfiniteothervarietiesofcustomsineverycountry，orratherthereisnomannerofresemblancetooneanother。BythisyoumayseethatthislittlepartofphysictowhichIhaveonlysubmitted，thoughtheleastdependinguponartofallothers，hasyetagreatshareoftheconfusionanduncertaintyeverywhereelsemanifestintheprofession。
　　Thepoetsputwhattheywouldsaywithgreateremphasisandgrace;
　　witnessthesetwoepigrams:
　　"AlconhesternosignumJovisattigit:ille，Quamvismarmoreus，vimpatiturmedici。
　　Eccehodie，jussustransferriexaeedevetusta，Effertur，quamvissitDeusatquelapis。"
　　["AlconyesterdaytouchedJove’sstatue;he，althoughmarble，sufferstheforceofthephysician:to—dayorderedtobetransferredfromtheoldtemple，whereitstood，itiscarriedout，althoughitbeagodandastone。"——Ausonius，Ep。，74。
　　andtheother:
　　"Lotusnobiscumest，hilariscoenavit;etidemInventusmaneestmortuusAndragoras。
　　Tamsubitaemortiscausam，Faustine，requiris？
　　InsomnismedicumvideratHermocratem:"
　　["Andragorasbathedwithus，suppedgaily，andinthemorningthesamewasfounddead。Dostthouask，Faustinus，thecauseofthissosuddendeath？InhisdreamshehadseenthephysicianHermocrates。"
　　——Martial，vi。53。]
　　uponwhichIwillrelatetwostories。
　　TheBarondeCaupeneinChalosseandIhavebetwixtustheadvowsonofabeneficeofgreatextent，atthefootofourmountains，calledLahontan。
　　Itiswiththeinhabitantsofthisangle，as’tissaidofthoseoftheVald’Angrougne;theylivedapeculiarsortoflife，theirfashions，clothes，andmannersdistinctfromotherpeople;ruledandgovernedbycertainparticularlawsandusages，receivedfromfathertoson，towhichtheysubmitted，withoutotherconstraintthanthereverencetocustom。
　　Thislittlestatehadcontinuedfromallantiquityinsohappyacondition，thatnoneighbouringjudgewaseverputtothetroubleofinquiringintotheirdoings;noadvocatewaseverretainedtogivethemcounsel，nostrangerevercalledintocomposetheirdifferences;norwaseveranyofthemseentogoa—begging。Theyavoidedallalliancesandtrafficwiththeouterworld，thattheymightnotcorruptthepurityoftheirowngovernment;till，astheysay，oneofthem，inthememoryofman，havingamindspurredonwithanobleambition，tookitintohishead，tobringhisnameintocreditandreputation，tomakeoneofhissonssomethingmorethanordinary，andhavingputhimtolearntowriteinaneighbouringtown，madehimatlastabravevillagenotary。Thisfellow，havingacquiredsuchdignity，begantodisdaintheirancientcustoms，andtobuzzintothepeople’searsthepompoftheotherpartsofthenation;thefirstprankheplayedwastoadviseafriendofhis，whomsomebodyhadoffendedbysawingoffthehornsofoneofhisgoats，tomakehiscomplainttotheroyaljudgesthereabout，andsohewentonfromonetoanother，tillhehadspoiledandconfoundedall。Inthetailofthiscorruption，theysay，therehappenedanother，andofworseconsequence，bymeansofaphysician，who，fallinginlovewithoneoftheirdaughters，hadamindtomarryherandtoliveamongstthem。Thismanfirstofallbegantoteachthemthenamesoffevers，colds，andimposthumes;theseatoftheheart，liver，andintestines，asciencetillthenutterlyunknowntothem;andinsteadofgarlic，withwhichtheywerewonttocureallmannerofdiseases，howpainfulorextremesoever，hetaughtthem，thoughitwerebutforacoughoranylittlecold，totakestrangemixtures，andbegantomakeatradenotonlyoftheirhealth，butoftheirlives。Theysweartillthentheyneverperceivedtheeveningairtobeoffensivetothehead;thattodrinkwhentheywerehotwashurtful，andthatthewindsofautumnweremoreunwholesomethanthoseofspring;that，sincethisuseofphysic，theyfindthemselvesoppressedwithalegionofunaccustomeddiseases，andthattheyperceiveageneraldecayintheirancientvigour，andtheirlivesarecutshorterbythehalf。Thisisthefirstofmystories。
　　Theotheris，thatbeforeIwasafflictedwiththestone，hearingthatthebloodofahe—goatwaswithmanyinverygreatesteem，andlookeduponasacelestialmannaraineddownupontheselatteragesforthegoodandpreservationofthelivesofmen，andhavinghearditspokenofbymenofunderstandingforanadmirabledrug，andofinfallibleoperation;
　　I，whohaveeverthoughtmyselfsubjecttoalltheaccidentsthatcanbefallothermen，hadamind，inmyperfecthealth，tofurnishmyselfwiththismiracle，andthereforegaveordertohaveagoatfedathomeaccordingtotherecipe:forhemustbetakeninthehottestmonthofallsummer，andmustonlyhaveaperitiveherbsgivenhimtoeat，andwhitewinetodrink。Icamehomebychancetheverydayhewastobekilled;
　　andsomeonecameandtoldmethatthecookhadfoundtwoorthreegreatballsinhispaunch，thatrattledagainstoneanotheramongstwhathehadeaten。Iwascurioustohaveallhisentrailsbroughtbeforeme，where，havingcausedtheskinthatenclosedthemtobecut，theretumbledoutthreegreatlumps，aslightassponges，sothattheyappearedtobehollow，butastotherest，hardandfirmwithout，andspottedandmixedalloverwithvariousdeadcolours;onewasperfectlyround，andofthebignessofanordinaryball;theothertwosomethingless，ofanimperfectroundness，asseemingnottobearrivedattheir，fullgrowth。
　　Ifind，byinquiryofpeopleaccustomedtoopentheseanimals，thatitisarareandunusualaccident。’Tislikelythesearestonesofthesamenaturewithoursandifso，itmustneedsbeaveryvainhopeinthosewhohavethestone，toextracttheircurefromthebloodofabeastthatwashimselfabouttodieofthesamedisease。Fortosaythattheblooddoesnotparticipateofthiscontagion，anddoesnotthencealteritswontedvirtue，itisrathertobebelievedthatnothingisengenderedinabodybutbytheconspiracyandcommunicationofalltheparts:thewholemassworkstogether，thoughonepartcontributesmoretotheworkthananother，accordingtothediversityofoperations;whereforeitisverylikelythattherewassomepetrifyingqualityinallthepartsofthisgoat。Itwasnotsomuchforfearofthefuture，andformyself，thatIwascuriousinthisexperiment，butbecauseitfallsoutinmine，asitdoesinmanyotherfamilies，thatthewomenstoreupsuchlittletrumperiesfortheserviceofthepeople，usingthesamerecipeinfiftyseveraldiseases，andsucharecipeastheywillnottakethemselves，andyettriumphwhentheyhappentobesuccessful。
　　Astowhatremains，Ihonourphysicians，notaccordingtothepreceptfortheirnecessity（fortothispassagemaybeopposedanotheroftheprophetreprovingKingAsaforhavingrecoursetoaphysician），butforthemselves，havingknownmanyverygoodmenofthatprofession，andmostworthytobebeloved。Idonotattackthem;’tistheirartIinveighagainst，anddonotmuchblamethemformakingtheiradvantageofourfolly，formostmendothesame。Manycallings，bothofgreaterandoflessdignitythantheirs，havenootherfoundationorsupportthanpublicabuse。WhenIamsickIsendforthemiftheybenear，onlytohavetheircompany，andpaythemasothersdo。Igivethemleavetocommandmetokeepmyselfwarm，becauseInaturallylovetodoit，andtoappointleeksorlettuceformybroth;toordermewhitewineorclaret;andsoastoallotherthings，whichareindifferenttomypalateandcustom。
　　IknowverywellthatIdonothingfortheminsodoing，becausesharpnessandstrangenessareincidentsoftheveryessenceofphysic。
　　LycurgusorderedwineforthesickSpartans。Why？becausetheyabominatedthedrinkingitwhentheywerewell;asagentleman，aneighbourofmine，takesitasanexcellentmedicineinhisfever，becausenaturallyhemortallyhatesthetasteofit。Howmanydoweseeamongstthemofmyhumour，whodespisetakingphysicthemselves，aremenofaliberaldiet，andliveaquitecontrarysortoflifetowhattheyprescribeothers？Whatisthisbutflatlytoabuseoursimplicity？fortheirownlivesandhealtharenolessdeartothemthanoursaretous，andconsequentlytheywouldaccommodatetheirpracticetotheirrules，iftheydidnotthemselvesknowhowfalsetheseare。
　　’Tisthefearofdeathandofpain，impatienceofdisease，andaviolentandindiscreetdesireofapresentcure，thatsoblindus:’tispurecowardicethatmakesourbeliefsopliableandeasytobeimposedupon:
　　andyetmostmendonotsomuchbelieveastheyacquiesceandpermit;forIhearthemfindfaultandcomplainaswellaswe;buttheyresolveatlast，"WhatshouldIdothen？"Asifimpatiencewereofitselfabetterremedythanpatience。Isthereanyoneofthosewhohavesufferedthemselvestobepersuadedintothismiserablesubjection，whodoesnotequallysurrenderhimselftoallsortsofimpostures？whodoesnotgiveuphimselftothemercyofwhoeverhastheimpudencetopromisehimacure？TheBabylonianscarriedtheirsickintothepublicsquare;thephysicianwasthepeople:everyonewhopassedbybeinginhumanityandcivilityobligedtoinquireoftheircondition，gavesomeadviceaccordingtohisownexperience。"Wedolittlebetter;thereisnotsosimpleawoman，whosegossipsanddrencheswedonotmakeuseof:andaccordingtomyhumour，ifIweretotakephysic，Iwouldsoonerchoosetotaketheirsthananyother，becauseatleast，iftheydonogood，theywilldonoharm。WhatHomerandPlatosaidoftheEgyptians，thattheywereallphysicians，maybesaidofallnations;thereisnotamanamongstanyofthemwhodoesnotboastofsomerarerecipe，andwhowillnotventureituponhisneighbour，ifhewilllethim。Iwastheotherdayinacompanywhereone，Iknownotwho，ofmyfraternitybroughtusintelligenceofanewsortofpillsmadeupofahundredandoddingredients:itmadeusverymerry，andwasasingularconsolation，forwhatrockcouldwithstandsogreatabattery？AndyetIhearfromthosewhohavemadetrialofit，thattheleastatomofgraveldeignednottostirfort。
　　IcannottakemyhandfromthepaperbeforeIhaveaddedawordconcerningtheassurancetheygiveusofthecertaintyoftheirdrugs，fromtheexperimentstheyhavemade。
　　Thegreatestpart，Ishouldsayabovetwo—thirdsofthemedicinalvirtues，consistinthequintessenceoroccultpropertyofsimples，ofwhichwecanhavenootherinstructionthanuseandcustom;forquintessenceisnootherthanaqualityofwhichwecannotbyourreasonfindoutthecause。Insuchproofs，thosetheypretendtohaveacquiredbytheinspirationofsomedaemon，Iamcontenttoreceive（forImeddlenotwithmiracles）;andalsotheproofswhicharedrawnfromthingsthat，uponsomeotheraccount，oftenfallintouseamongstus;asifinthewool，wherewithwearewonttoclotheourselves，therehasaccidentallysomeoccultdesiccativepropertybeenfoundoutofcuringkibedheels，orasifintheradishweeatforfoodtherehasbeenfoundoutsomeaperitiveoperation。Galenreports，thatamanhappenedtobecuredofaleprosybydrinkingwineoutofavesselintowhichaviperhadcreptbychance。Inthisexamplewefindthemeansandaverylikelyguideandconducttothisexperience，aswealsodointhosethatphysicianspretendtohavebeendirectedtobytheexampleofsomebeasts。Butinmostoftheirotherexperimentswhereintheyaffirmtheyhavebeenconductedbyfortune，andtohavehadnootherguidethanchance，Ifindtheprogressofthisinformationincredible。Supposemanlookingroundabouthimupontheinfinitenumberofthings，plants，animals，metals;
　　Idonotknowwherehewouldbeginhistrial;andthoughhisfirstfancyshouldfixhimuponanelk’shorn，whereintheremustbeaverypliantandeasybelief，hewillyetfindhimselfasperplexedinhissecondoperation。Therearesomanymaladiesandsomanycircumstancespresentedtohim，thatbeforehecanattainthecertaintyofthepointtowhichtheperfectionofhisexperienceshouldarrive，humansensewillbeattheendofitslesson:andbeforehecan，amongstthisinfinityofthings，findoutwhatthishornis;amongstsomanydiseases，whatisepilepsy;themanycomplexionsinamelancholyperson;themanyseasonsinwinter;themanynationsintheFrench;themanyagesinage;themanycelestialmutationsintheconjunctionofVenusandSaturn;themanypartsinman’sbody，nay，inafinger;andbeing，inallthis，directedneitherbyargument，conjecture，example，nordivineinspirations，butmerelybythesolemotionoffortune，itmustbebyaperfectlyartificial，regularandmethodicalfortune。Andafterthecureisperformed，howcanheassurehimselfthatitwasnotbecausethediseasehadarrivedatitsperiodoraneffectofchance？ortheoperationofsomethingelsethathehadeaten，drunk，ortouchedthatday？orbyvirtueofhisgrandmother’sprayers？And，moreover，hadthisexperimentbeenperfect，howmanytimeswasitrepeated，andthislongbead—rollofhaps，andconcurrencesstrunganewbychancetoconcludeacertainrule？
　　Andwhentheruleisconcluded，bywhom，Iprayyou？Ofsomanymillions，therearebutthreemenwhotakeuponthemtorecordtheirexperiments:mustfortuneneedsjusthitoneofthese？Whatifanother，andahundredothers，havemadecontraryexperiments？Wemight，peradventure，havesomelightinthis，wereallthejudgmentsandargumentsofmenknowntous;butthatthreewitnesses，threedoctors，shouldlorditoverallmankind，isagainstreason:itwerenecessarythathumannatureshouldhavedeputedandchosenthemout，andthattheyweredeclaredourcomptrollersbyexpressprocuration:
　　"TOMADAMEDEDURAS。
　　——[MargueritedeGrammont，widowofJeandeDurfort，SeigneurdeDuras，whowaskillednearLeghorn，leavingnoposterity。Montaigneseemstohavebeenontermsofconsiderableintimacywithher，andtohavetenderedhersomeverywholesomeandfrankadviceinregardtoherrelationswithHenryIV。]——
　　MADAME，——Thelasttimeyouhonouredmewithavisit，youfoundmeatworkuponthischapter，andasthesetriflesmayonedayfallintoyourhands，Iwouldalsothattheytestifyinhowgreathonourtheauthorwilltakeanyfavouryoushallpleasetoshowthem。Youwilltherefindthesameairandmienyouhaveobservedinhisconversation;andthoughIcouldhaveborrowedsomebetterormorefavourablegarbthanmyown，Iwouldnothavedoneit:forIrequirenothingmoreofthesewritings，buttopresentmetoyourmemorysuchasInaturallyam。Thesameconditionsandfacultiesyouhavebeenpleasedtofrequentandreceivewithmuchmorehonourandcourtesythantheydeserve，Iwouldputtogether（butwithoutalterationorchange）inonesolidbody，thatmayperadventurecontinuesomeyears，orsomedays，afterIamgone;whereyoumayfindthemagainwhenyoushallpleasetorefreshyourmemory，withoutputtingyoutoanygreatertrouble;neitheraretheyworthit。Idesireyoushouldcontinuethefavourofyourfriendshiptome，bythesamequalitiesbywhichitwasacquired。
　　"Iamnotatallambitiousthatanyoneshouldloveandesteemmemoredeadthanliving。ThehumourofTiberiusisridiculous，butyetcommon，whowasmoresolicitoustoextendhisrenowntoposteritythantorenderhimselfacceptabletomenofhisowntime。IfIwereoneofthosetowhomtheworldcouldowecommendation，Iwouldgiveoutofitone—halftohavetheotherinhand;lettheirpraisescomequickandcrowdingaboutme，morethickthanlong，morefullthandurable;andletthemcease，inGod’sname，withmyownknowledgeofthem，andwhenthesweetsoundcannolongerpiercemyears。Itwereanidlehumourtoessay，nowthatIamabouttoforsakethecommerceofmen，tooffermyselftothembyanewrecommendation。ImakenoaccountofthegoodsIcouldnotemployintheserviceofmylife。SuchasIam，Iwillbeelsewherethaninpaper:myartandindustryhavebeeneverdirectedtorendermyselfgoodforsomething;mystudies，toteachmetodo，andnottowrite。Ihavemadeitmywholebusinesstoframemylife:thishasbeenmytradeandmywork;Iamlessawriterofbooksthananythingelse。Ihavecovetedunderstandingfortheserviceofmypresentandrealconveniences，andnottolayupastockformyposterity。Hewhohasanythingofvalueinhim，lethimmakeitappearinhisconduct，inhisordinarydiscourses，inhiscourtships，andhisquarrels:inplay，inbed，attable，inthemanagementofhisaffairs，inhiseconomics。ThosewhomIseemakegoodbooksinillbreeches，shouldfirsthavemendedtheirbreeches，iftheywouldhavebeenruledbyme。AskaSpartanwhetherhehadratherbeagoodoratororagoodsoldier:andifIwasaskedthesamequestion，I
　　wouldratherchoosetobeagoodcook，hadInotonealreadytoserveme。
　　MyGod！Madame，howshouldIhatesucharecommendationofbeingacleverfellowatwriting，andanassandaninanityineverythingelse！
　　YetIhadratherbeafoolbothhereandtherethantohavemadesoillachoicewhereintoemploymytalent。AndIamsofarfromexpectingtogainanynewreputationbythesefollies，thatIshallthinkIcomeoffprettywellifIlosenothingbythemofthatlittleIhadbefore。Forbesidesthatthisdeadandmutepaintingwilltakefrommynaturalbeing，ithasnoresemblancetomybettercondition，butismuchlapsedfrommyformervigourandcheerfulness，growingfadedandwithered:Iamtowardsthebottomofthebarrel，whichbeginstotasteofthelees。
　　"Astotherest，Madame，Ishouldnothavedaredtomakesoboldwiththemysteriesofphysic，consideringtheesteemthatyouandsomanyothershaveofit，hadInothadencouragementfromtheirownauthors。IthinkthereareoftheseamongtheoldLatinwritersbuttwo，PlinyandCelsusiftheseeverfallintoyourhands，youwillfindthattheyspeakmuchmorerudelyoftheirartthanIdo;Ibutpinchit，theycutitsthroat。
　　Pliny，amongstotherthings，twitsthemwiththis，thatwhentheyareattheendoftheirrope，theyhaveaprettydevicetosavethemselves，byrecommendingtheirpatients，whomtheyhaveteasedandtormentedwiththeirdrugsanddietstonopurpose，sometovowsandmiracles，otherstothehotbaths。（Benotangry，Madame;hespeaksnotofthoseinourparts，whichareundertheprotectionofyourhouse，andallGramontins。）