VI
1
Piersonwentbacktohisstudy,andwrotetoGratian。
"Ifyoucangetleaveforafewdays,mydear,Iwantyouathome。I
amtroubledaboutNollie。Eversincethatdisasterhappenedtohershehasbeengettingpaler;andto—dayshefainted。Shewon’tseeadoctor,butperhapsyoucouldgethertoseeGeorge。Ifyoucomeup,hewillsurelybeabletorunuptousforadayortwo。Ifnot,youmusttakeherdowntohimatthesea。IhavejustseenthenewsofyoursecondcousinCharliePierson’sdeath;hewaskilledinoneofthelastattacksontheSomme;hewasnephewofmycousinLeilawhom,asyouknow,Noelseeseverydayatherhospital。BertramhastheD。S。O。Ihavebeenlesshard—pressedlately;LauderhasbeenhomeonleaveandhastakensomeServicesforme。Andnowthecolderweatherhascome,Iamfeelingmuchfresher。Tryyourbesttocome。
Iamseriouslyconcernedforourbelovedchild。
"Youraffectionatefather"EDWARDPIERSON。"
Gratianansweredthatshecouldgetweek—endleave,andwouldcomeonFriday。Hemetheratthestation,andtheydrovethencestraighttothehospital,topickupNoel。Leilacametotheminthewaiting—
room,andPierson,thinkingtheywouldtalkmorefreelyaboutNoel’shealthifheleftthem,alone,wentintotherecreationroom,andstoodwatchingagameofbagatellebetweentwoconvalescents。Whenhereturnedtothelittlesitting—roomtheywerestillstandingbythehearth,talkinginlowvoices。Gratianmustsurelyhavebeenstoopingoverthefire,forherfacewasred,almostswollen,andhereyeslookedasifshehadscorchedthem。
Leilasaidlightly:
"Well,Edward,aren’tthemendelightful?Whenarewegoingtoanotherconcerttogether?"
She,too,wasflushedandlookingalmostyoung。
"Ah!Ifwecoulddothethingswewantto。
"That’sverypretty,Edward;butyoushould,youknow——foratonic。"
Heshookhisheadandsmiled。
"You’reatemptress,Leila。WillyouletNollieknow,please,thatwecantakeherbackwithus?Canyouletheroffto—morrow?"
"Foraslongasyoulike;shewantsarest。I’vebeentalkingtoGratian。Weoughtn’ttohavelethergoonafterashocklikethat——myfault,I’mafraid。Ithoughtthatworkmightbebest。"
PiersonwasconsciousofGratianwalkingpasthimoutoftheroom。
HeheldouthishandtoLeila,andfollowed。Asmallnoiseoccurredbehindhimsuchasawomanmakeswhenshehasputafootthroughherownskirt,orhasotherpowerfulcausefordismay。ThenhesawNoelinthehall,andwasvaguelyawareofbeingthecentreofatriangleofwomenwhoseeyeswereplayingcatch—glance。Hisdaughterskissedeachother;andhebecameseatedbetweentheminthetaxi。Themostunobservantofmen,hepartedfromtheminthehallwithouthavingperceivedanythingexceptthattheywererathersilent;and,goingtohisstudy,hetookupaLifeofSirThomasMore。TherewasapassagethereinwhichheitchedtoshowGeorgeLaird,whowascomingupthatevening。
GratianandNoelhadmountedthestairswithlipstightset,andeyesaverted;bothwereverypale。WhentheyreachedthedoorofGratian’sroomtheroomwhichhadbeentheirmother’s——Noelwasforpassingon,butGratiancaughtherbythearm,andsaid:"Comein。"
Thefirewasburningbrightlyinthere,andthetwosistersstoodinfrontofit,oneoneachside,theirhandsclutchingthemantel—
shelf,staringattheflames。AtlastNoelputonehandinfrontofhereyes,andsaid:
"Iaskedhertotellyou。"
Gratianmadethemovementofonewhoisgrippedbytwostrongemotions,andlongstosurrendertooneortotheother。
"It’stoohorrible,"wasallshesaid。
Noelturnedtowardsthedoor。
"Stop,Nollie!"
Noelstoppedwithherhandonthedoorknob。"Idon’twanttobeforgivenandsympathisedwith。Ijustwanttobeletalone。"
"Howcanyoubeletalone?"
ThetideofmiserysurgedupinNoel,andshecriedoutpassionately:
"Ihatesympathyfrompeoplewhocan’tunderstand。Idon’twantanyone’s。Icanalwaysgoaway,andlosemyself。"
Thewords"can’tunderstand"gaveGratianashock。
"Icanunderstand,"shesaid。
"Youcan’t;youneversawhim。Youneversaw——"herlipsquiveredsothatshehadtostopandbitethem,tokeepbackarushoftears。
"Besidesyouwouldneverhavedoneityourself。"
Gratianwenttowardsher,butstopped,andsatdownonthebed。Itwastrue。Shewouldneverhavedoneitherself;itwasjustthatwhich,forallherlongingtohelphersister,icedherloveandsympathy。Howterrible,wretched,humiliating!Herownsister,heronlysister,inthepositionofallthosepoor,badlybroughtupgirls,whoforgotthemselves!Andherfather——theirfather!Tillthatmomentshehadhardlythoughtofhim,toopreoccupiedbytheshocktoherownpride。Theword:"Dad!"wasforcedfromher。
Noelshuddered。
"Thatboy!"saidGratiansuddenly;"Ican’tforgivehim。Ifyoudidn’tknow——hedid。Itwas——itwas——"ShestoppedatthesightofNoel’sface。
"Ididknow,"shesaid。"ItwasI。Hewasmyhusband,asmuchasyoursis。Ifyousayawordagainsthim,I’llneverspeaktoyouagain:I’mglad,andyouwouldbe,ifyouweregoingtohaveone。
What’sthedifference,exceptthatyou’vehadluck,andI——haven’t。"
Herlipsquiveredagain,andshewassilent。
Gratianstaredupather。ShehadalongingforGeorge——toknowwhathethoughtandfelt。
"DoyoumindifItellGeorge?"shesaid。
Noelshookherhead。,"No!notnow。Tellanybody。"AndsuddenlythemiserybehindthemaskofherfacewentstraighttoGratian’sheart。
Shegotupandputherarmsroundhersister。
"Nolliedear,don’tlooklikethat!"
Noelsufferedtheembracewithoutresponse,butwhenitwasover,wenttoherownroom。
Gratianstayed,sorry,soreandvexed,uncertain,anxious。Herpridewasdeeplywounded,herhearttorn;shewasangrywithherself。Whycouldn’tshehavebeenmoresympathetic?Andyet,nowthatNoelwasnolongerthere,sheagaincondemnedthedead。Whathehaddonewasunpardonable。Nolliewassuch——achild!Hehadcommittedsacrilege。
IfonlyGeorgewouldcome,andshecouldtalkitalloutwithhim!
She,whohadmarriedforloveandknownpassion,hadinsightenoughtofeelthatNoel’slovehadbeendeep——sofarasanything,ofcourse,couldbedeepinsuchachild。Gratianwasatthematureageoftwenty。Buttohaveforgottenherselflikethat!Andthisboy!
Ifshehadknownhim,thatfeelingmighthavebeenmitigatedbythepersonalelement,soimportanttoallhumanjudgment;butneverhavingseenhim,shethoughtofhisconductas"caddish。"Andsheknewthatthiswas,andwouldbe,thetroublebetweenherandhersister。Howevershemightdisguiseit,Noelwouldfeelthatjudgmentunderneath。
Shestrippedoffhernurse’sgarb,putonaneveningfrock,andfidgetedabouttheroom。Anythingratherthangodownandseeherfatheragainbeforeshemust。This,whichhadhappened,wasbeyondwordsterribleforhim;shedreadedthetalkwithhimaboutNoel’shealthwhichwouldhavetocome。Shecouldsaynothing,ofcourse,untilNoelwished;and,verytruthfulbynature,theidea,ofhavingtoactaliedistressedher。
Shewentdownatlast,andfoundthembothinthedrawing—roomalready;Noelinafrillyeveningfrock,sittingbythefirewithherchinonherhand,whileherfatherwasreadingoutthewarnewsfromtheeveningpaper。Atsightofthatcool,dainty,girlishfigurebroodingoverthefire,andofherfather’swornface,thetragedyofthisbusinessthrustitselfonherwithredoubledforce。PoorDad!
PoorNollie!Awful!ThenNoelturned,andgavealittleshakeofherhead,andhereyessaid,almostasplainlyaslipscouldhavesaidit:’Silence!’Gratiannodded,andcameforwardtothefire。
Andsobeganoneofthosecalm,domesticevenings,whichcoversometimessuchdepthsofheartache。
2
Noelstayedupuntilherfatherwenttobed,thenwentupstairsatonce。Shehadevidentlydeterminedthattheyshouldnottalkabouther。Gratiansatonalone,waitingforherhusband!Itwasnearlymidnightwhenhecame,andshedidnottellhimthefamilynewstillnextmorning。Hereceiveditwithacuriouslittlegrunt。Gratiansawhiseyescontract,astheymighthave,perhaps,lookingatsomebadandcomplicatedwound,andthenstaresteadilyattheceiling。
Thoughtheyhadbeenmarriedoverayear,shedidnotyetknowwhathethoughtaboutmanythings,andshewaitedwithaqueersinkingatherheart。Thisskeletoninthefamilycupboardwasatestofhisaffectionforherself,atestofthequalityofthemanshehadmarried。Hedidnotspeakforalittle,andheranxietygrew。Thenhishandsoughthers,andgaveitahardsqueeze。
"PoorlittleNollie!ThisisacaseforMarkTapleyism。Butcheerup,Gracie!We’llgetherthroughsomehow。"
"Butfather!It’simpossibletokeepitfromhim,andimpossibletotellhim!OhGeorge!Ineverknewwhatfamilypridewastillnow。
It’sincredible。Thatwretchedboy!"
"’Demortuis。’Come,Gracie!Inthemidstofdeathweareinlife!
Nolliewasaplumblittleidiot。Butit’sthewar——thewar!Yourfathermustgetusedtoit;it’sararechanceforhisChristianity。"
"Dadwillbeassweetasanything——that’swhatmakesitsohorrible!"
GeorgeLairdredoubledhissqueeze。"Quiteright!Theold—fashionedfathercouldlethimselfgo。Butneedheknow?WecangetherawayfromLondon,andlateron,wemustmanagesomehow。Ifhedoeshear,wemustmakehimfeelthatNolliewas’doingherbit。’"
Gratianwithdrewherhand。"Don’t!"shesaidinamuffledvoice。
GeorgeLairdturnedandlookedather。Hewasgreatlyupsethimself,realisingperhapsmoretrulythanhisyoungwifetheviolenceofthisdisaster;hewasquitecapable,too,offeelinghowdeeplyshewasstirredandhurt;but,abornpragmatist,confrontinglifealwaysintheexperimentalspirit,hewasimpatientofthe:"Howawful!"
attitude。Andthisstreakofherfather’sascetictraditionalisminGratianalwaysrousedinhimawishtobreakitup。Ifshehadnotbeenhiswifehewouldhaveadmittedatoncethathemightjustaswelltryandalterthebone—formationofherhead,asbreakdownsuchafundamentaltraitofcharacter,but,beinghiswife,henaturallyconsideredalterationaspossibleasputtinganewstaircaseinahouse,orthrowingtworoomsintoone。And,takingherinhisarms,hesaid:"Iknow;butit’llallcomeright,ifweputagoodfaceonit。ShallItalktoNollie?"
Gratianassented,fromthedesiretobeabletosaytoherfather:
"Georgeisseeingher!"andsostaytheneedforadiscussion。Butthewholethingseemedtohermoreandmoreacalamitywhichnothingcouldlessenorsmoothaway。
GeorgeLairdhadplentyofcoolcourage,invaluableinmenwhohavetoinflictaswellastoalleviatepain,buthedidnotlikehismission"alittlebit"ashewouldhavesaid;andheproposedawalkbecausehedreadedascene。Noelacceptedforthesamereason。ShelikedGeorge,andwiththedisinteresteddetachmentofasister—in—
law,andtheshrewdnessofextremeyouth,knewhimperhapsbetterthandidhiswife。Shewassure,atallevents,ofbeingneithercondemnednorsympathisedwith。
Theymighthavegone,ofcourse,inanydirection,butchosetomakefortheCity。Suchdeepdecisionsaresubconscious。Theysought,nodoubt,adry,unemotionalregion;orperhapsonewhereGeorge,whowasinuniform,mightresthisarmfromtheautomatic—toygamewhichthemilitaryplay。TheyhadreachedCheapsidebeforehewasconscioustothefullofthebizarrenatureofthiswalkwithhisprettyyoungsister—in—lawamongallthebustling,black—coatedmobofmoney—makers。’Iwishthedevilwehadn’tcomeout!’hethought;
’itwouldhavebeeneasierindoors,afterall。’
Heclearedhisthroat,however,andsqueezingherarmgently,began:
"Gratian’stoldme,Nollie。Thegreatthingistokeepyourspiritup,andnotworry。"
"Isupposeyoucouldn’tcureme。"
Thewords,inthatdelicatespurningvoice,absolutelystaggeredGeorge;buthesaidquickly:
"Outofthequestion,Nollie;impossible!Whatareyouthinkingof?"
"Daddy。"
Thewords:"D——nDaddy!"rosetohisteeth;hebitthemoff,andsaid:"Blesshim!Weshallhavetoseetoallthat。Doyoureallywanttokeepitfromhim?Itmustbeonewayortheother;nouseconcealingit,ifit’stocomeoutlater。"
"No。"
Hestolealookather。Shewasgazingstraightbeforeher。Howdamnablyyoungshewas,howpretty!Alumpcameupinhisthroat。
"Ishouldn’tdoanythingyet,"hesaid;"tooearly。Lateron,ifyou’dlikemetotellhim。Butthat’sentirelyuptoyou,mydear;
heneedneverknow。"
"No。"
Hecouldnotfollowherthought。Thenshesaid:
"GratiancondemnsCyril。Don’tlether。Iwon’thavehimbadlythoughtof。Itwasmydoing。Iwantedtomakesureofhim。"
Georgeansweredstoutly:
"Gracie’supset,ofcourse,butshe’llsoonbeallright。Youmustn’tletitcomebetweenyou。Thethingyou’vegottokeepsteadilybeforeyouisthatlife’sahugewideadaptablething。Lookatallthesepeople!There’shardlyoneofthemwhohasn’tgotnow,orhasn’thad,somepersonaldifficultyortroublebeforethemasbigasyoursalmost;biggerperhaps。Andheretheyareaslivelyasfleas。That’swhatmakesthefascinationoflife——thejollyironyofitall。ItwoulddoyougoodtohaveaturninFrance,andseeyourselfinproportiontothewhole。"Hefeltherfingerssuddenlyslipunderhisarm,andwentonwithgreaterconfidence:
"Life’sgoingtobetheimportantthinginthefuture,Nollie;notcomfortandcloisteredvirtueandsecurity;butliving,andpressuretothesquareinch。Doyoutwig?Alltheoldhard—and—fasttraditionsanddragsonlifeareinthemelting—pot。Death’sboilingtheirbones,andthey’llmakeexcellentstockforthenewsoup。Whenyoupruneanddockthings,thesapflowsquicker。Regretsandrepiningsandrepressionsaregoingoutoffashion;weshallhavenotimeorusefortheminthefuture。You’regoingtomakelife——well,that’ssomethingtobethankfulfor,anyway。You’vekeptCyrilMorlandalive。And——well,youknow,we’veallbeenborn;someofusproperly,andsomeimproperly,andthereisn’taha’porthofdifferenceinthevalueofthearticle,orthetroubleofbringingitintotheworld。Thecheerieryouarethebetteryourchildwillbe,andthat’sallyou’vegottothinkabout。Youneedn’tbegintotroubleatallforanothercoupleofmonths,atleast;afterthat,justletusknowwhereyou’dliketogo,andI’llarrangeitsomehow。"
Shelookedroundathim,andunderthatyoung,clear,broodinggazehehadthesuddenuncomfortablefeelingofhavingspokenlikeacharlatan。Hadhereallytouchedtheheartofthematter?Whatgoodwerehisgeneralitiestothisyoung,fastidiouslynurturedgirl,broughtuptotellthetruth,byafathersoold—fashionedanddevoted,whomsheloved?ItwasGeorge’snature,too,todespisewords;andtheconditionsofhislifetheselasttwoyearshadgivenhimasortofhorrorofthosewhoactbytalking。Hefeltinclinedtosay:’Don’tpaytheslightestattentiontome;it’sallhumbug;
whatwillbewillbe,andthere’sanendofit:
Thenshesaidquietly:
"ShallItellDaddyornot?"
Hewantedtosay:"No,"butsomehowcouldn’t。Afterall,thestraightforwardcoursewasprobablythebest。Forthiswouldhavetobealifelongconcealment。Itwasimpossibletoconcealathingforever;soonerorlaterhewouldfindout。Butthedoctorroseupinhim,andhesaid:
"Don’tgotomeettrouble,Nollie;it’llbetimeenoughintwomonths。Thentellhim,orletme。"
Sheshookherhead。"No;Iwill,ifitistobedone。"
Heputhishandonhers,withinhisarm,andgaveitasqueeze。
"WhatshallIdotillthen?"sheasked。
"Takeaweek’scompleterest,andthengoonwhereyouare。"
Noelwassilentaminute,thensaid:"Yes;Iwill。"
Theyspokenomoreonthesubject,andGeorgeexertedhimselftotalkabouthospitalexperiences,andthatphenomenon,theBritishsoldier。
Butjustbeforetheyreachedhomehesaid:
"Lookhere,Nollie!Ifyou’renotashamedofyourself,noonewillbeashamedofyou。Ifyouputashesonyourownhead,yourfellow—
beingswill,assistyou;forofsuchistheircharity。"
And,receivinganotherofthoseclear,broodinglooks,heleftherwiththethought:’Alonelychild!’
VII
Noelwentbacktoherhospitalafteraweek’srest。Georgehaddonemoreforherthanhesuspected,forhissaying:"Life’sahugewideadaptablething!"hadstuckinhermind。Diditmatterwhathappenedtoher?Andsheusedtolookintothefacesofthepeopleshemet,andwonderwhatwasabsorbingthem。Whatsecretgriefsandjoysweretheycarryingaboutwiththem?Thelonelinessofherownlifenowforcedhertothisspeculationconcerningothers,forshewasextraordinarilylonely;GratianandGeorgewerebackatwork,herfathermustbekeptatbay;withLeilashefeltillatease,fortheconfessionhadhurtherpride;andfamilyfriendsandacquaintancesofallsortssheshunnedliketheplague。TheonlypersonshedidnotsucceedinavoidingwasJimmyFort,whocameinoneeveningafterdinner,bringingheralargebunchofhothouseviolets。Butthen,hedidnotseemtomatter——toonewanacquaintance,toodetached。
Somethinghesaidmadeherawarethathehadheardofherloss,andthatthevioletswereatokenofsympathy。Heseemedawfullykindthatevening,tellingher"talesofAraby,"andsayingnothingwhichwouldshockherfather。Itwaswonderfultobeamanandrollabouttheworldashehad,andseealllife,andqueerplaces,andpeople——Chinamen,andGauchos,andBoers,andMexicans。Itgaveherakindofthirst。Andshelikedtowatchhisbrown,humorousface;whichseemedmadeofdriedleather。Itgaveherthefeelingthatlifeandexperiencewereallthatmattered,doingandseeingthings;itmadeherowntroubleseemsmaller;lessimportant。Shesqueezedhishandwhenshesaidgoodnight:"Thankyouformyvioletsandforcoming;
itwasawfullykindofyou!IwishIcouldhaveadventures!"Andheanswered:"Youwill,mydearfairyprincess!"Hesaiditqueerlyandverykindly。
FairyPrincess!Whatafunnythingtocallher!Ifhehadonlyknown!
Therewerenotmanyadventurestobehadinthoseregionswhereshewashedup。Notmuch"wideandadaptablelife"totakeherthoughtsoffherself。Butonherjourneystoandfromthehospitalshehadmorethanoneoddlittleexperience。Onemorningshenoticedapoorlydressedwomanwitharedandswollenface,flappingalongRegentStreetlikeawoundedbird,andbitingstrangelyatherhand。
Hearinghergroan,Noelaskedherwhatthematterwas。Thewomanheldoutthehand。"Oh!"shemoaned,"Iwasscrubbin’thefloorandIgotthisgreatneedlestuckthroughmy’and,andit’sbrokeoff,andIcan’tgetitout。Oh!Oh!"Shebitattheneedle—end,notquitevisible,butalmostwithinreachofteeth,andsuddenlywentverywhite。Indismay,Noelputanarmroundher,andturnedherintoafinechemist’sshop。Severalladieswereinthere,buyingperfumes,andtheylookedwithacerbityatthisdisordereddirtyfemaleenteringamongthem。Noelwentuptoamanbehindthecounter。"Pleasegivemesomethingquick,forthispoorwoman,I
thinkshe’sgoingtofaint。She’srunaneedlethroughherhand,andcan’tgetitout。"Themangaveher"somethingquick,"andNoelpushedpasttwoofthedamesbacktowherethewomanwassitting。
Shewasstillobstinatelybitingatherhand,andsuddenlyherchinflewup,andthere,betweenherteeth,wastheneedle。Shetookitfromthemwithherotherhand,stuckitproudlyinthefrontofherdress,andouttumbledthewords:"Oh!there——I’vegotit!"
Whenshehadswallowedthedraught,shelookedroundher,bewildered,andsaid:
"Thankyoukindly,miss!"andshuffledout。Noelpaidforthedraught,andfollowed;and,behindher,theshiningshopseemedtoexhaleaperfumedbreathofrelief。
"Youcan’tgobacktowork,"shesaidtothewoman。"Wheredoyoulive?"
"’Ornsey,miss。"
"Youmusttakea’busandgostraighthome,andputyourhandatonceintoweakCondy’sfluidandwater。It’sswelling。Here’sfiveshillings。"
"Yes,miss;thankyou,miss,I’msure。It’sverykindofyou。Itdoesachecruel。"
"Ifit’snotbetterthisafternoon,youmustgotoadoctor。
Promise!"
"Oh,dear,yes。’Ere’smy’bus。Thankyoukindly,miss。"
Noelsawherborneaway,stillsuckingatherdirtyswollenhand。
Shewalkedoninaglowofloveforthepoorwoman,andhatefortheladiesinthechemist’sshop,andforgotherowntroubletillshehadalmostreachedthehospital。
AnotherNovemberday,aSaturday,leavingearly,shewalkedtoHydePark。Theplane—treeswerejustattheheightoftheirspottedbeauty。Few——veryfew—yellowleavesstillhung;andtheslenderprettytreesseemedrejoicingintheirfreedomfromsummerfoliage。
Alltheirdelicateboughsandtwigswereshakinganddancinginthewind;andtheirrain—washedleopard—likebodieshadalitheun—Englishgaiety。Noelpasseddowntheirline,andseatedherselfonabench。Closeby,anartistwaspainting。Hiseaselwasonlysomethreeyardsawayfromher,andshecouldseethepicture;avistaoftheParkLanehousesthrough,thegayplane—treescreen。Hewasatallman,aboutforty,evidentlyforeign,withathin,long,oval,beardlessface,highbrow,largegreyeyeswhichlookedasifhesufferedfromheadachesandlivedmuchwithinhimself。Hecastmanyglancesather,and,pursuantofhernewinterestin"life"shewatchedhimdiscreetly;alittlestartledhowever,when,takingoffhisbroad—brimmedsquashhat,hesaidinabrokenaccent:
"ForgivemethelibertyItake,mademoiselle,butwouldyousoverykindlyallowmetomakeasketchofyousittingthere?Iworkveryquick。Ibegyouwillletme。IamBelgian,andhavenomanners,yousee。"Andhesmiled。
"Ifyoulike,"saidNoel。
"Ithankyouverymuch:"
Heshiftedhiseasel,andbegantodraw。Shefeltflattered,andalittlefluttered。Hewassopale,andhadacurious,half—fedlook,whichmovedher。
"HaveyoubeenlonginEngland?"shesaidpresently。
"Eversincethefirstmonthsofthewar。"
"Doyoulikeit?"
"Iwasveryhomesickatfirst。ButIliveinmypictures;therearewonderfulthingsinLondon。"
"Whydidyouwanttosketchme?"
Thepaintersmiledagain。"Mademoiselle,youthissomysterious。
ThoseyoungtreesIhavebeenpaintingmeansomuchmorethantheoldbigtrees。Youreyesareseeingthingsthathavenotyethappened。
ThereisFateinthem,andalookofdefendingusothersfromseeingit。Wehavenotsuchfacesinmycountry;wearesimpler;wedonotdefendourexpressions。TheEnglishareverymysterious。Wearelikechildrentothem。Yetinsomewaysyouarelikechildrentous。
Youarenotpeopleoftheworldatall。YouEnglishhavebeengoodtous,butyoudonotlikeus。"
"AndIsupposeyoudonotlikeus,either?"
Hesmiledagain,andshenoticedhowwhitehisteethwere。
"Well,notverymuch。TheEnglishdothingsfromduty,buttheirheartstheykeeptothemselves。AndtheirArt——well,thatisreallyamusing!"
"Idon’tknowmuchaboutArt,"Noelmurmured。
"Itistheworldtome,"saidthepainter,andwassilent,drawingwithincreasedpaceandpassion。
"Itissodifficulttogetsubjects,"heremarkedabruptly。"I
cannotaffordtopaymodels,andtheyarenotfondofmepaintingoutofdoors。IfIhadalwaysasubjectlikeyou!You——youhaveagrief,haveyounot?"
Atthatstartlinglittlequestion,Noellookedup,frowning。
"Everybodyhas,now。"
Thepaintergraspedhischin;hiseyeshadsuddenlybecometragical。
"Yes,"hesaid,"everybody。Tragedyisdailybread。Ihavelostmyfamily;theyareinBelgium。HowtheyliveIdonotknow。"
"I’msorry;verysorry,too,ifwearen’tnicetoyou,here。Weoughttobe。"
Heshruggedhisshoulders。"Whatwouldyouhave?Wearedifferent。
Thatisunpardonable。Anartistisalwayslonely,too;hehasaskinfewerthanotherpeople,andheseesthingsthattheydonot。Peopledonotlikeyoutobedifferent。Ifeverinyourlifeyouactdifferentlyfromothers,youwillfinditso,mademoiselle。"
Noelfeltherselfflushing。Washereadinghersecret?Hiseyeshadsuchapeculiar,secondsightedlook。
"Haveyounearlyfinished?"sheasked。
"No,mademoiselle;Icouldgoonforhours;butIdonotwishtokeepyou。Itiscoldforyou,sittingthere。"
Noelgotup。"MayIlook?"
"Certainly。"
Shedidnotquiterecogniseherself——whodoes?——butshesawafacewhichaffectedheroddly,ofagirllookingatsomethingwhichwas,andyetwasnot,infrontofher。
"MynameisLavendie,"thepaintersaid;"mywifeandIlivehere,"
第8章