首页 >出版文学> Saint’s Progress>第8章
  VI
  1
  Piersonwentbacktohisstudy,andwrotetoGratian。
  "Ifyoucangetleaveforafewdays,mydear,Iwantyouathome。I
  amtroubledaboutNollie。Eversincethatdisasterhappenedtohershehasbeengettingpaler;andto—dayshefainted。Shewon’tseeadoctor,butperhapsyoucouldgethertoseeGeorge。Ifyoucomeup,hewillsurelybeabletorunuptousforadayortwo。Ifnot,youmusttakeherdowntohimatthesea。IhavejustseenthenewsofyoursecondcousinCharliePierson’sdeath;hewaskilledinoneofthelastattacksontheSomme;hewasnephewofmycousinLeilawhom,asyouknow,Noelseeseverydayatherhospital。BertramhastheD。S。O。Ihavebeenlesshard—pressedlately;LauderhasbeenhomeonleaveandhastakensomeServicesforme。Andnowthecolderweatherhascome,Iamfeelingmuchfresher。Tryyourbesttocome。
  Iamseriouslyconcernedforourbelovedchild。
  "Youraffectionatefather"EDWARDPIERSON。"
  Gratianansweredthatshecouldgetweek—endleave,andwouldcomeonFriday。Hemetheratthestation,andtheydrovethencestraighttothehospital,topickupNoel。Leilacametotheminthewaiting—
  room,andPierson,thinkingtheywouldtalkmorefreelyaboutNoel’shealthifheleftthem,alone,wentintotherecreationroom,andstoodwatchingagameofbagatellebetweentwoconvalescents。Whenhereturnedtothelittlesitting—roomtheywerestillstandingbythehearth,talkinginlowvoices。Gratianmustsurelyhavebeenstoopingoverthefire,forherfacewasred,almostswollen,andhereyeslookedasifshehadscorchedthem。
  Leilasaidlightly:
  "Well,Edward,aren’tthemendelightful?Whenarewegoingtoanotherconcerttogether?"
  She,too,wasflushedandlookingalmostyoung。
  "Ah!Ifwecoulddothethingswewantto。
  "That’sverypretty,Edward;butyoushould,youknow——foratonic。"
  Heshookhisheadandsmiled。
  "You’reatemptress,Leila。WillyouletNollieknow,please,thatwecantakeherbackwithus?Canyouletheroffto—morrow?"
  "Foraslongasyoulike;shewantsarest。I’vebeentalkingtoGratian。Weoughtn’ttohavelethergoonafterashocklikethat——myfault,I’mafraid。Ithoughtthatworkmightbebest。"
  PiersonwasconsciousofGratianwalkingpasthimoutoftheroom。
  HeheldouthishandtoLeila,andfollowed。Asmallnoiseoccurredbehindhimsuchasawomanmakeswhenshehasputafootthroughherownskirt,orhasotherpowerfulcausefordismay。ThenhesawNoelinthehall,andwasvaguelyawareofbeingthecentreofatriangleofwomenwhoseeyeswereplayingcatch—glance。Hisdaughterskissedeachother;andhebecameseatedbetweentheminthetaxi。Themostunobservantofmen,hepartedfromtheminthehallwithouthavingperceivedanythingexceptthattheywererathersilent;and,goingtohisstudy,hetookupaLifeofSirThomasMore。TherewasapassagethereinwhichheitchedtoshowGeorgeLaird,whowascomingupthatevening。
  GratianandNoelhadmountedthestairswithlipstightset,andeyesaverted;bothwereverypale。WhentheyreachedthedoorofGratian’sroomtheroomwhichhadbeentheirmother’s——Noelwasforpassingon,butGratiancaughtherbythearm,andsaid:"Comein。"
  Thefirewasburningbrightlyinthere,andthetwosistersstoodinfrontofit,oneoneachside,theirhandsclutchingthemantel—
  shelf,staringattheflames。AtlastNoelputonehandinfrontofhereyes,andsaid:
  "Iaskedhertotellyou。"
  Gratianmadethemovementofonewhoisgrippedbytwostrongemotions,andlongstosurrendertooneortotheother。
  "It’stoohorrible,"wasallshesaid。
  Noelturnedtowardsthedoor。
  "Stop,Nollie!"
  Noelstoppedwithherhandonthedoorknob。"Idon’twanttobeforgivenandsympathisedwith。Ijustwanttobeletalone。"
  "Howcanyoubeletalone?"
  ThetideofmiserysurgedupinNoel,andshecriedoutpassionately:
  "Ihatesympathyfrompeoplewhocan’tunderstand。Idon’twantanyone’s。Icanalwaysgoaway,andlosemyself。"
  Thewords"can’tunderstand"gaveGratianashock。
  "Icanunderstand,"shesaid。
  "Youcan’t;youneversawhim。Youneversaw——"herlipsquiveredsothatshehadtostopandbitethem,tokeepbackarushoftears。
  "Besidesyouwouldneverhavedoneityourself。"
  Gratianwenttowardsher,butstopped,andsatdownonthebed。Itwastrue。Shewouldneverhavedoneitherself;itwasjustthatwhich,forallherlongingtohelphersister,icedherloveandsympathy。Howterrible,wretched,humiliating!Herownsister,heronlysister,inthepositionofallthosepoor,badlybroughtupgirls,whoforgotthemselves!Andherfather——theirfather!Tillthatmomentshehadhardlythoughtofhim,toopreoccupiedbytheshocktoherownpride。Theword:"Dad!"wasforcedfromher。
  Noelshuddered。
  "Thatboy!"saidGratiansuddenly;"Ican’tforgivehim。Ifyoudidn’tknow——hedid。Itwas——itwas——"ShestoppedatthesightofNoel’sface。
  "Ididknow,"shesaid。"ItwasI。Hewasmyhusband,asmuchasyoursis。Ifyousayawordagainsthim,I’llneverspeaktoyouagain:I’mglad,andyouwouldbe,ifyouweregoingtohaveone。
  What’sthedifference,exceptthatyou’vehadluck,andI——haven’t。"
  Herlipsquiveredagain,andshewassilent。
  Gratianstaredupather。ShehadalongingforGeorge——toknowwhathethoughtandfelt。
  "DoyoumindifItellGeorge?"shesaid。
  Noelshookherhead。,"No!notnow。Tellanybody。"AndsuddenlythemiserybehindthemaskofherfacewentstraighttoGratian’sheart。
  Shegotupandputherarmsroundhersister。
  "Nolliedear,don’tlooklikethat!"
  Noelsufferedtheembracewithoutresponse,butwhenitwasover,wenttoherownroom。
  Gratianstayed,sorry,soreandvexed,uncertain,anxious。Herpridewasdeeplywounded,herhearttorn;shewasangrywithherself。Whycouldn’tshehavebeenmoresympathetic?Andyet,nowthatNoelwasnolongerthere,sheagaincondemnedthedead。Whathehaddonewasunpardonable。Nolliewassuch——achild!Hehadcommittedsacrilege。
  IfonlyGeorgewouldcome,andshecouldtalkitalloutwithhim!
  She,whohadmarriedforloveandknownpassion,hadinsightenoughtofeelthatNoel’slovehadbeendeep——sofarasanything,ofcourse,couldbedeepinsuchachild。Gratianwasatthematureageoftwenty。Buttohaveforgottenherselflikethat!Andthisboy!
  Ifshehadknownhim,thatfeelingmighthavebeenmitigatedbythepersonalelement,soimportanttoallhumanjudgment;butneverhavingseenhim,shethoughtofhisconductas"caddish。"Andsheknewthatthiswas,andwouldbe,thetroublebetweenherandhersister。Howevershemightdisguiseit,Noelwouldfeelthatjudgmentunderneath。
  Shestrippedoffhernurse’sgarb,putonaneveningfrock,andfidgetedabouttheroom。Anythingratherthangodownandseeherfatheragainbeforeshemust。This,whichhadhappened,wasbeyondwordsterribleforhim;shedreadedthetalkwithhimaboutNoel’shealthwhichwouldhavetocome。Shecouldsaynothing,ofcourse,untilNoelwished;and,verytruthfulbynature,theidea,ofhavingtoactaliedistressedher。
  Shewentdownatlast,andfoundthembothinthedrawing—roomalready;Noelinafrillyeveningfrock,sittingbythefirewithherchinonherhand,whileherfatherwasreadingoutthewarnewsfromtheeveningpaper。Atsightofthatcool,dainty,girlishfigurebroodingoverthefire,andofherfather’swornface,thetragedyofthisbusinessthrustitselfonherwithredoubledforce。PoorDad!
  PoorNollie!Awful!ThenNoelturned,andgavealittleshakeofherhead,andhereyessaid,almostasplainlyaslipscouldhavesaidit:’Silence!’Gratiannodded,andcameforwardtothefire。
  Andsobeganoneofthosecalm,domesticevenings,whichcoversometimessuchdepthsofheartache。
  2
  Noelstayedupuntilherfatherwenttobed,thenwentupstairsatonce。Shehadevidentlydeterminedthattheyshouldnottalkabouther。Gratiansatonalone,waitingforherhusband!Itwasnearlymidnightwhenhecame,andshedidnottellhimthefamilynewstillnextmorning。Hereceiveditwithacuriouslittlegrunt。Gratiansawhiseyescontract,astheymighthave,perhaps,lookingatsomebadandcomplicatedwound,andthenstaresteadilyattheceiling。
  Thoughtheyhadbeenmarriedoverayear,shedidnotyetknowwhathethoughtaboutmanythings,andshewaitedwithaqueersinkingatherheart。Thisskeletoninthefamilycupboardwasatestofhisaffectionforherself,atestofthequalityofthemanshehadmarried。Hedidnotspeakforalittle,andheranxietygrew。Thenhishandsoughthers,andgaveitahardsqueeze。
  "PoorlittleNollie!ThisisacaseforMarkTapleyism。Butcheerup,Gracie!We’llgetherthroughsomehow。"
  "Butfather!It’simpossibletokeepitfromhim,andimpossibletotellhim!OhGeorge!Ineverknewwhatfamilypridewastillnow。
  It’sincredible。Thatwretchedboy!"
  "’Demortuis。’Come,Gracie!Inthemidstofdeathweareinlife!
  Nolliewasaplumblittleidiot。Butit’sthewar——thewar!Yourfathermustgetusedtoit;it’sararechanceforhisChristianity。"
  "Dadwillbeassweetasanything——that’swhatmakesitsohorrible!"
  GeorgeLairdredoubledhissqueeze。"Quiteright!Theold—fashionedfathercouldlethimselfgo。Butneedheknow?WecangetherawayfromLondon,andlateron,wemustmanagesomehow。Ifhedoeshear,wemustmakehimfeelthatNolliewas’doingherbit。’"
  Gratianwithdrewherhand。"Don’t!"shesaidinamuffledvoice。
  GeorgeLairdturnedandlookedather。Hewasgreatlyupsethimself,realisingperhapsmoretrulythanhisyoungwifetheviolenceofthisdisaster;hewasquitecapable,too,offeelinghowdeeplyshewasstirredandhurt;but,abornpragmatist,confrontinglifealwaysintheexperimentalspirit,hewasimpatientofthe:"Howawful!"
  attitude。Andthisstreakofherfather’sascetictraditionalisminGratianalwaysrousedinhimawishtobreakitup。Ifshehadnotbeenhiswifehewouldhaveadmittedatoncethathemightjustaswelltryandalterthebone—formationofherhead,asbreakdownsuchafundamentaltraitofcharacter,but,beinghiswife,henaturallyconsideredalterationaspossibleasputtinganewstaircaseinahouse,orthrowingtworoomsintoone。And,takingherinhisarms,hesaid:"Iknow;butit’llallcomeright,ifweputagoodfaceonit。ShallItalktoNollie?"
  Gratianassented,fromthedesiretobeabletosaytoherfather:
  "Georgeisseeingher!"andsostaytheneedforadiscussion。Butthewholethingseemedtohermoreandmoreacalamitywhichnothingcouldlessenorsmoothaway。
  GeorgeLairdhadplentyofcoolcourage,invaluableinmenwhohavetoinflictaswellastoalleviatepain,buthedidnotlikehismission"alittlebit"ashewouldhavesaid;andheproposedawalkbecausehedreadedascene。Noelacceptedforthesamereason。ShelikedGeorge,andwiththedisinteresteddetachmentofasister—in—
  law,andtheshrewdnessofextremeyouth,knewhimperhapsbetterthandidhiswife。Shewassure,atallevents,ofbeingneithercondemnednorsympathisedwith。
  Theymighthavegone,ofcourse,inanydirection,butchosetomakefortheCity。Suchdeepdecisionsaresubconscious。Theysought,nodoubt,adry,unemotionalregion;orperhapsonewhereGeorge,whowasinuniform,mightresthisarmfromtheautomatic—toygamewhichthemilitaryplay。TheyhadreachedCheapsidebeforehewasconscioustothefullofthebizarrenatureofthiswalkwithhisprettyyoungsister—in—lawamongallthebustling,black—coatedmobofmoney—makers。’Iwishthedevilwehadn’tcomeout!’hethought;
  ’itwouldhavebeeneasierindoors,afterall。’
  Heclearedhisthroat,however,andsqueezingherarmgently,began:
  "Gratian’stoldme,Nollie。Thegreatthingistokeepyourspiritup,andnotworry。"
  "Isupposeyoucouldn’tcureme。"
  Thewords,inthatdelicatespurningvoice,absolutelystaggeredGeorge;buthesaidquickly:
  "Outofthequestion,Nollie;impossible!Whatareyouthinkingof?"
  "Daddy。"
  Thewords:"D——nDaddy!"rosetohisteeth;hebitthemoff,andsaid:"Blesshim!Weshallhavetoseetoallthat。Doyoureallywanttokeepitfromhim?Itmustbeonewayortheother;nouseconcealingit,ifit’stocomeoutlater。"
  "No。"
  Hestolealookather。Shewasgazingstraightbeforeher。Howdamnablyyoungshewas,howpretty!Alumpcameupinhisthroat。
  "Ishouldn’tdoanythingyet,"hesaid;"tooearly。Lateron,ifyou’dlikemetotellhim。Butthat’sentirelyuptoyou,mydear;
  heneedneverknow。"
  "No。"
  Hecouldnotfollowherthought。Thenshesaid:
  "GratiancondemnsCyril。Don’tlether。Iwon’thavehimbadlythoughtof。Itwasmydoing。Iwantedtomakesureofhim。"
  Georgeansweredstoutly:
  "Gracie’supset,ofcourse,butshe’llsoonbeallright。Youmustn’tletitcomebetweenyou。Thethingyou’vegottokeepsteadilybeforeyouisthatlife’sahugewideadaptablething。Lookatallthesepeople!There’shardlyoneofthemwhohasn’tgotnow,orhasn’thad,somepersonaldifficultyortroublebeforethemasbigasyoursalmost;biggerperhaps。Andheretheyareaslivelyasfleas。That’swhatmakesthefascinationoflife——thejollyironyofitall。ItwoulddoyougoodtohaveaturninFrance,andseeyourselfinproportiontothewhole。"Hefeltherfingerssuddenlyslipunderhisarm,andwentonwithgreaterconfidence:
  "Life’sgoingtobetheimportantthinginthefuture,Nollie;notcomfortandcloisteredvirtueandsecurity;butliving,andpressuretothesquareinch。Doyoutwig?Alltheoldhard—and—fasttraditionsanddragsonlifeareinthemelting—pot。Death’sboilingtheirbones,andthey’llmakeexcellentstockforthenewsoup。Whenyoupruneanddockthings,thesapflowsquicker。Regretsandrepiningsandrepressionsaregoingoutoffashion;weshallhavenotimeorusefortheminthefuture。You’regoingtomakelife——well,that’ssomethingtobethankfulfor,anyway。You’vekeptCyrilMorlandalive。And——well,youknow,we’veallbeenborn;someofusproperly,andsomeimproperly,andthereisn’taha’porthofdifferenceinthevalueofthearticle,orthetroubleofbringingitintotheworld。Thecheerieryouarethebetteryourchildwillbe,andthat’sallyou’vegottothinkabout。Youneedn’tbegintotroubleatallforanothercoupleofmonths,atleast;afterthat,justletusknowwhereyou’dliketogo,andI’llarrangeitsomehow。"
  Shelookedroundathim,andunderthatyoung,clear,broodinggazehehadthesuddenuncomfortablefeelingofhavingspokenlikeacharlatan。Hadhereallytouchedtheheartofthematter?Whatgoodwerehisgeneralitiestothisyoung,fastidiouslynurturedgirl,broughtuptotellthetruth,byafathersoold—fashionedanddevoted,whomsheloved?ItwasGeorge’snature,too,todespisewords;andtheconditionsofhislifetheselasttwoyearshadgivenhimasortofhorrorofthosewhoactbytalking。Hefeltinclinedtosay:’Don’tpaytheslightestattentiontome;it’sallhumbug;
  whatwillbewillbe,andthere’sanendofit:
  Thenshesaidquietly:
  "ShallItellDaddyornot?"
  Hewantedtosay:"No,"butsomehowcouldn’t。Afterall,thestraightforwardcoursewasprobablythebest。Forthiswouldhavetobealifelongconcealment。Itwasimpossibletoconcealathingforever;soonerorlaterhewouldfindout。Butthedoctorroseupinhim,andhesaid:
  "Don’tgotomeettrouble,Nollie;it’llbetimeenoughintwomonths。Thentellhim,orletme。"
  Sheshookherhead。"No;Iwill,ifitistobedone。"
  Heputhishandonhers,withinhisarm,andgaveitasqueeze。
  "WhatshallIdotillthen?"sheasked。
  "Takeaweek’scompleterest,andthengoonwhereyouare。"
  Noelwassilentaminute,thensaid:"Yes;Iwill。"
  Theyspokenomoreonthesubject,andGeorgeexertedhimselftotalkabouthospitalexperiences,andthatphenomenon,theBritishsoldier。
  Butjustbeforetheyreachedhomehesaid:
  "Lookhere,Nollie!Ifyou’renotashamedofyourself,noonewillbeashamedofyou。Ifyouputashesonyourownhead,yourfellow—
  beingswill,assistyou;forofsuchistheircharity。"
  And,receivinganotherofthoseclear,broodinglooks,heleftherwiththethought:’Alonelychild!’
  VII
  Noelwentbacktoherhospitalafteraweek’srest。Georgehaddonemoreforherthanhesuspected,forhissaying:"Life’sahugewideadaptablething!"hadstuckinhermind。Diditmatterwhathappenedtoher?Andsheusedtolookintothefacesofthepeopleshemet,andwonderwhatwasabsorbingthem。Whatsecretgriefsandjoysweretheycarryingaboutwiththem?Thelonelinessofherownlifenowforcedhertothisspeculationconcerningothers,forshewasextraordinarilylonely;GratianandGeorgewerebackatwork,herfathermustbekeptatbay;withLeilashefeltillatease,fortheconfessionhadhurtherpride;andfamilyfriendsandacquaintancesofallsortssheshunnedliketheplague。TheonlypersonshedidnotsucceedinavoidingwasJimmyFort,whocameinoneeveningafterdinner,bringingheralargebunchofhothouseviolets。Butthen,hedidnotseemtomatter——toonewanacquaintance,toodetached。
  Somethinghesaidmadeherawarethathehadheardofherloss,andthatthevioletswereatokenofsympathy。Heseemedawfullykindthatevening,tellingher"talesofAraby,"andsayingnothingwhichwouldshockherfather。Itwaswonderfultobeamanandrollabouttheworldashehad,andseealllife,andqueerplaces,andpeople——Chinamen,andGauchos,andBoers,andMexicans。Itgaveherakindofthirst。Andshelikedtowatchhisbrown,humorousface;whichseemedmadeofdriedleather。Itgaveherthefeelingthatlifeandexperiencewereallthatmattered,doingandseeingthings;itmadeherowntroubleseemsmaller;lessimportant。Shesqueezedhishandwhenshesaidgoodnight:"Thankyouformyvioletsandforcoming;
  itwasawfullykindofyou!IwishIcouldhaveadventures!"Andheanswered:"Youwill,mydearfairyprincess!"Hesaiditqueerlyandverykindly。
  FairyPrincess!Whatafunnythingtocallher!Ifhehadonlyknown!
  Therewerenotmanyadventurestobehadinthoseregionswhereshewashedup。Notmuch"wideandadaptablelife"totakeherthoughtsoffherself。Butonherjourneystoandfromthehospitalshehadmorethanoneoddlittleexperience。Onemorningshenoticedapoorlydressedwomanwitharedandswollenface,flappingalongRegentStreetlikeawoundedbird,andbitingstrangelyatherhand。
  Hearinghergroan,Noelaskedherwhatthematterwas。Thewomanheldoutthehand。"Oh!"shemoaned,"Iwasscrubbin’thefloorandIgotthisgreatneedlestuckthroughmy’and,andit’sbrokeoff,andIcan’tgetitout。Oh!Oh!"Shebitattheneedle—end,notquitevisible,butalmostwithinreachofteeth,andsuddenlywentverywhite。Indismay,Noelputanarmroundher,andturnedherintoafinechemist’sshop。Severalladieswereinthere,buyingperfumes,andtheylookedwithacerbityatthisdisordereddirtyfemaleenteringamongthem。Noelwentuptoamanbehindthecounter。"Pleasegivemesomethingquick,forthispoorwoman,I
  thinkshe’sgoingtofaint。She’srunaneedlethroughherhand,andcan’tgetitout。"Themangaveher"somethingquick,"andNoelpushedpasttwoofthedamesbacktowherethewomanwassitting。
  Shewasstillobstinatelybitingatherhand,andsuddenlyherchinflewup,andthere,betweenherteeth,wastheneedle。Shetookitfromthemwithherotherhand,stuckitproudlyinthefrontofherdress,andouttumbledthewords:"Oh!there——I’vegotit!"
  Whenshehadswallowedthedraught,shelookedroundher,bewildered,andsaid:
  "Thankyoukindly,miss!"andshuffledout。Noelpaidforthedraught,andfollowed;and,behindher,theshiningshopseemedtoexhaleaperfumedbreathofrelief。
  "Youcan’tgobacktowork,"shesaidtothewoman。"Wheredoyoulive?"
  "’Ornsey,miss。"
  "Youmusttakea’busandgostraighthome,andputyourhandatonceintoweakCondy’sfluidandwater。It’sswelling。Here’sfiveshillings。"
  "Yes,miss;thankyou,miss,I’msure。It’sverykindofyou。Itdoesachecruel。"
  "Ifit’snotbetterthisafternoon,youmustgotoadoctor。
  Promise!"
  "Oh,dear,yes。’Ere’smy’bus。Thankyoukindly,miss。"
  Noelsawherborneaway,stillsuckingatherdirtyswollenhand。
  Shewalkedoninaglowofloveforthepoorwoman,andhatefortheladiesinthechemist’sshop,andforgotherowntroubletillshehadalmostreachedthehospital。
  AnotherNovemberday,aSaturday,leavingearly,shewalkedtoHydePark。Theplane—treeswerejustattheheightoftheirspottedbeauty。Few——veryfew—yellowleavesstillhung;andtheslenderprettytreesseemedrejoicingintheirfreedomfromsummerfoliage。
  Alltheirdelicateboughsandtwigswereshakinganddancinginthewind;andtheirrain—washedleopard—likebodieshadalitheun—Englishgaiety。Noelpasseddowntheirline,andseatedherselfonabench。Closeby,anartistwaspainting。Hiseaselwasonlysomethreeyardsawayfromher,andshecouldseethepicture;avistaoftheParkLanehousesthrough,thegayplane—treescreen。Hewasatallman,aboutforty,evidentlyforeign,withathin,long,oval,beardlessface,highbrow,largegreyeyeswhichlookedasifhesufferedfromheadachesandlivedmuchwithinhimself。Hecastmanyglancesather,and,pursuantofhernewinterestin"life"shewatchedhimdiscreetly;alittlestartledhowever,when,takingoffhisbroad—brimmedsquashhat,hesaidinabrokenaccent:
  "ForgivemethelibertyItake,mademoiselle,butwouldyousoverykindlyallowmetomakeasketchofyousittingthere?Iworkveryquick。Ibegyouwillletme。IamBelgian,andhavenomanners,yousee。"Andhesmiled。
  "Ifyoulike,"saidNoel。
  "Ithankyouverymuch:"
  Heshiftedhiseasel,andbegantodraw。Shefeltflattered,andalittlefluttered。Hewassopale,andhadacurious,half—fedlook,whichmovedher。
  "HaveyoubeenlonginEngland?"shesaidpresently。
  "Eversincethefirstmonthsofthewar。"
  "Doyoulikeit?"
  "Iwasveryhomesickatfirst。ButIliveinmypictures;therearewonderfulthingsinLondon。"
  "Whydidyouwanttosketchme?"
  Thepaintersmiledagain。"Mademoiselle,youthissomysterious。
  ThoseyoungtreesIhavebeenpaintingmeansomuchmorethantheoldbigtrees。Youreyesareseeingthingsthathavenotyethappened。
  ThereisFateinthem,andalookofdefendingusothersfromseeingit。Wehavenotsuchfacesinmycountry;wearesimpler;wedonotdefendourexpressions。TheEnglishareverymysterious。Wearelikechildrentothem。Yetinsomewaysyouarelikechildrentous。
  Youarenotpeopleoftheworldatall。YouEnglishhavebeengoodtous,butyoudonotlikeus。"
  "AndIsupposeyoudonotlikeus,either?"
  Hesmiledagain,andshenoticedhowwhitehisteethwere。
  "Well,notverymuch。TheEnglishdothingsfromduty,buttheirheartstheykeeptothemselves。AndtheirArt——well,thatisreallyamusing!"
  "Idon’tknowmuchaboutArt,"Noelmurmured。
  "Itistheworldtome,"saidthepainter,andwassilent,drawingwithincreasedpaceandpassion。
  "Itissodifficulttogetsubjects,"heremarkedabruptly。"I
  cannotaffordtopaymodels,andtheyarenotfondofmepaintingoutofdoors。IfIhadalwaysasubjectlikeyou!You——youhaveagrief,haveyounot?"
  Atthatstartlinglittlequestion,Noellookedup,frowning。
  "Everybodyhas,now。"
  Thepaintergraspedhischin;hiseyeshadsuddenlybecometragical。
  "Yes,"hesaid,"everybody。Tragedyisdailybread。Ihavelostmyfamily;theyareinBelgium。HowtheyliveIdonotknow。"
  "I’msorry;verysorry,too,ifwearen’tnicetoyou,here。Weoughttobe。"
  Heshruggedhisshoulders。"Whatwouldyouhave?Wearedifferent。
  Thatisunpardonable。Anartistisalwayslonely,too;hehasaskinfewerthanotherpeople,andheseesthingsthattheydonot。Peopledonotlikeyoutobedifferent。Ifeverinyourlifeyouactdifferentlyfromothers,youwillfinditso,mademoiselle。"
  Noelfeltherselfflushing。Washereadinghersecret?Hiseyeshadsuchapeculiar,secondsightedlook。
  "Haveyounearlyfinished?"sheasked。
  "No,mademoiselle;Icouldgoonforhours;butIdonotwishtokeepyou。Itiscoldforyou,sittingthere。"
  Noelgotup。"MayIlook?"
  "Certainly。"
  Shedidnotquiterecogniseherself——whodoes?——butshesawafacewhichaffectedheroddly,ofagirllookingatsomethingwhichwas,andyetwasnot,infrontofher。
  "MynameisLavendie,"thepaintersaid;"mywifeandIlivehere,"