TheadvertisingquackwhoweariesWithtalesofcountlesscures，Histeeth，I’veenacted，ShallallbeextractedByterrifiedamateurs:
　　Themusic—hallsingerattendsaseriesOfmassesandfuguesand"ops"
　　ByBach，interwovenWithSpohrandBeethoven，AtclassicalMondayPops:
　　ThebilliardsharpwhomanyonecatchesHisdoom’sextremelyhard—
　　He’smadetodwellInadungeoncellOnaspotthat’salwaysbarred;
　　AndthereheplaysextravagantmatchesInfitlessfinger—stalls，OnaclothuntrueWithatwistedcue，Andellipticalbilliardballs！
　　MyobjectallsublimeIshallachieveintime—
　　Toletthepunishmentfitthecrime—
　　Thepunishmentfitthecrime;
　　AndmakeeachprisonerpentUnwillinglyrepresentAsourceofinnocentmerriment，Ofinnocentmerriment！
　　Ballad:WillowWaly！
　　[HE。]PRITHEE，prettymaiden—prithee，tellmetrue（Hey，butI’mdoleful，willow，willowwaly！）
　　Haveyoue’eralovera—danglingafteryou？
　　Hey，willowwalyO！
　　IwouldfaindiscoverIfyouhavealover？
　　Hey，willowwalyO！
　　[SHE。]Gentlesir，myheartisfrolicsomeandfree—
　　（Hey，buthe’sdoleful，willow，willowwaly！）
　　NobodyIcareforcomesa—courtingme—
　　Hey，willowwalyO！
　　NobodyIcareforComesa—courting—therefore，Hey，willowwalyO！
　　[HE。]Prithee，prettymaiden，willyoumarryme？
　　（Hey，butI’mhopeful，willow，willowwaly！）
　　Imaysay，atonce，I’mamanofpropertee—
　　Hey，willowwalyO！
　　Money，Idespiseit，Butmanypeopleprizeit，Hey，willowwalyO！
　　[SHE。]Gentlesir，althoughtomarryIdesign—
　　（Hey，buthe’shopeful，willow，willowwaly！）
　　AsyetIdonotknowyou，andsoImustdecline。
　　Hey，willowwalyO！
　　Toothermaidensgoyou—
　　AsyetIdonotknowyou，Hey，willowwalyO！
　　Ballad:LifeIsLovelyAllTheYearWhenthebudsareblossoming，Smilingwelcometothespring，Loverschooseaweddingday—
　　LifeisloveinmerryMay！
　　Springisgreen—Fallalla！
　　Summer’srose—Fallalla！
　　ItissadwhenSummergoes，Falla！
　　Autumn’sgold—Fallalla！
　　Winter’sgrey—Fallalla！
　　Winterstillisfaraway—
　　Falla！
　　LeavesinAutumnfadeandfall;
　　Winteristheendofall。
　　Springandsummerteemwithglee:
　　Springandsummer，then，forme！
　　Falla！
　　IntheSpring—timeseedissown:
　　IntheSummergrassismown:
　　IntheAutumnyoumayreap:
　　Winteristhetimeforsleep。
　　Springishope—Fallalla！
　　Summer’sjoy—Fallalla！
　　SpringandSummernevercloy，Falla！
　　Autumn，toil—Fallalla！
　　Winter，rest—Fallalla！
　　Winter，afterall，isbest—
　　Falla！
　　Springandsummerpleasureyou，Autumn，ay，andwinter，too—
　　Everyseasonhasitscheer;
　　Lifeislovelyalltheyear！
　　Falla！
　　Ballad:TheUsher’sChargeNow，Jurymen，hearmyadvice—
　　AllkindsofvulgarprejudiceIprayyousetaside:
　　Withsternjudicialframeofmind—
　　Frombiasfreeofeverykind，Thistrialmustbetried！
　　Oh，listentotheplaintiff’scase:
　　Observethefeaturesofherface—
　　Thebroken—heartedbride！
　　Condolewithherdistressofmind—
　　Frombiasfreeofeverykind，Thistrialmustbetried！
　　Andwhenamidtheplaintiff’sshrieks，Theruffianlydefendantspeaks—
　　Upontheotherside;
　　WhatHEmaysayyouneednotmind—
　　Frombiasfreeofeverykind，Thistrialmustbetried！
　　Ballad:TheGreatOakTreeTheregrewalittleflower’Neathagreatoaktree:
　　Whenthetempest’gantolowerLittleheededshe:
　　Noneedhadshetocower，Forshedreadednotitspower—
　　ShewashappyinthebowerOfhergreatoaktree！
　　Singhey，Lackaday！
　　LetthetearsfallfreeFortheprettylittleflowerandthegreatoaktree！
　　Whenshefoundthathewasfickle，Wasthatgreatoaktree，Shewasinaprettypickle，Asshewellmightbe—
　　Buthisgallantriesweremickle，ForDeathfollowedwithhissickle，AndhertearsbegantotrickleForhergreatoaktree！
　　Singhey，Lackaday！
　　LetthetearsfallfreeFortheprettylittleflowerandthegreatoaktree！
　　Saidshe，"Helovedmenever，Didthatgreatoaktree，ButI’mneitherrichnorclever，Andsowhyshouldhe？
　　Butthoughfateourfortunessever，TobeconstantI’llendeavour，Ay，foreverandforever，Tomygreatoaktree！"
　　Singhey，Lackaday！
　　LetthetearsfallfreeFortheprettylittleflowerandthegreatoaktree！
　　Ballad:KingGoodheartTherelivedaKing，asI’vebeentoldInthewonder—workingdaysofold，Whenheartsweretwiceasgoodasgold，Andtwentytimesasmellow。
　　Goodtempertriumphedinhisface，AndinhishearthefoundaplaceForalltheerringhumanraceAndeverywretchedfellow。
　　WhenhehadRhenishwinetodrinkItmadehimverysadtothinkThatsome，atjunketoratjink，Mustbecontentwithtoddy:
　　Hewishedallmenasrichashe（Andhewasrichasrichcouldbe），SotothetopofeverytreePromotedeverybody。
　　Ambassadorscroppeduplikehay，PrimeMinistersandsuchastheyGrewlikeasparagusinMay，AndDukeswerethreeapenny:
　　LordChancellorswerecheapassprats，AndBishopsintheirshovelhatsWereplentifulastabbycats—
　　Ifpossible，toomany。
　　OneverysideField—Marshalsgleamed，SmallbeerwereLords—Lieutenantsdeemed，WithAdmiralstheoceanteemed，Allroundhiswidedominions;
　　AndPartyLeadersyoumightmeetIntwosandthreesineverystreetMaintaining，withnolittleheat，Theirvariousopinions。
　　ThatKing，althoughnoonedenies，Hisheartwasofabnormalsize，Yethe’dhaveactedotherwiseIfhehadbeenacuter。
　　Theendiseasilyforetold，WheneveryblessedthingyouholdIsmadeofsilver，orofgold，Youlongforsimplepewter。
　　WhenyouhavenothingelsetowearButclothofgoldandsatinsrare，Forclothofgoldyouceasetocare—
　　Upgoesthepriceofshoddy:
　　Inshort，whoeveryoumaybe，Tothisconclusionyou’llagree，Wheneveryoneissomebody，Thennoone’sanybody！
　　Ballad:SleepOn！
　　Fearnounlicensedentry，Heednobombastictalk，WhileguardstheBritishSentryPallMallandBirdcageWalk。
　　LetEuropeanthundersOccasionnoalarms，ThoughdiplomaticblundersMaycauseacry"Toarms！"
　　Sleepon，yepalecivilians;
　　Allthunder—cloudsdefy:
　　OnEurope’scountlessmillionsTheSentrykeepshiseye！
　　Shouldforeign—bornrapscallionsInLondondaretoshowTheirovergrownbattalions，BesureI’llletyouknow。
　　ShouldRussiansorNorwegiansPolluteourfavouredclimeWithroughbarbariclegions，I’llmentionitintime。
　　Sosleepinpeace，civilians，TheContinentdefy;
　　WhileonitscountlessmillionsTheSentrykeepshiseye！
　　Ballad:TheLove—SickBoyWhenfirstmyold，oldloveIknew，Mybosomwelledwithjoy;
　　MyrichesatherfeetIthrew;
　　Iwasalove—sickboy！
　　NotermsseemedtooextravagantUponhertoemploy—
　　Iusedtomope，andsigh，andpant，Justlikealove—sickboy！
　　Butjoyincessantpallsthesense;
　　Andloveunchangedwillcloy，AndshebecameaboreintenseUntoherlove—sickboy？
　　Withfitfulglimmerburntmyflame，AndIgrewcoldandcoy，Atlast，onemorning，IbecameAnother’slove—sickboy！
　　Ballad:PoetryEverywhereWhattimethepoethathhymnedThewrithingmaid，lithe—limbed，Quiveringonamaranthineasphodel，Howcanhepaintherwoes，Knowing，aswellheknows，Thatallcanbesetrightwithcalomel？
　　Whenfromthepoet’splinthTheamorouscolocynthYearnsforthealoe，faintwithrapturousthrills，HowcanhehymntheirthroesKnowing，aswellheknows，Thattheyareonlyuncompoundedpills？
　　Isit，andcanitbe，Naturehaththisdecree，Nothingpoeticintheworldshalldwell？
　　OrthatinallherworksSomethingpoeticlurks，Evenincolocynthandcalomel？
　　Ballad:HeLoves！
　　Heloves！IfinthebygoneyearsThineeyeshaveevershedTears—bitter，unavailingtears，Foroneuntimelydead—
　　IfintheeventideoflifeSadthoughtsofherarise，ThenletthememoryofthywifePleadformyboy—hedies！
　　Hedies！IffondlylaidasideInsomeoldcabinet，Memorialsofthylong—deadbrideLie，dearlytreasuredyet，Thenletherhallowedbridaldress—
　　Herlittledaintygloves—
　　Herwitheredflowers—herfadedtress—
　　Pleadformyboy—heloves！
　　Ballad:TrueDiffidenceMyboy，youmaytakeitfromme，ThatofalltheafflictionsaccurstWithwhichaman’ssaddledAndhamperedandaddled，Adiffidentnature’stheworst。
　　Thoughcleverasclevercanbe—
　　ACrichtonofearlyromance—
　　Youmuststiritandstumpit，Andblowyourowntrumpet，Or，trustme，youhaven’tachance。
　　Nowtake，forexample，MYcase:
　　I’veabrightintellectualbrain—
　　InallLondoncityThere’snoonesowitty—
　　I’vethoughtsoagainandagain。
　　I’veahighlyintelligentface—
　　Myfeaturescannotbedenied—
　　But，whateverItry，sir，Ifailin—andwhy，sir？
　　I’mmodestypersonified！
　　Asapoet，I’mtenderandquaint—
　　I’vepassionandfervourandgrace—
　　FromOvidandHoraceToSwinburneandMorris，Theyallofthemtakeabackplace。
　　ThenIsingandIplayandIpaint;
　　ThoughnoneareaccomplishedasI，Tosaysoweretreason:
　　Youaskmethereason？
　　I’mdiffident，modest，andshy！
　　Ballad:TheTangledSkeinTrywelife—long，wecanneverStraightenoutlife’stangledskein，Whyshouldwe，invainendeavour，Guessandguessandguessagain？
　　Life’sapuddingfullofplumsCare’sacankerthatbenumbs。
　　WhereforewasteourelocutionOnimpossiblesolution？
　　Life’sapleasantinstitution，Letustakeitasitcomes！
　　Setasidethedullenigma，Weshallguessitalltoosoon;
　　Failurebringsnokindofstigma—
　　Dancewetoanothertune！
　　Stringthelyreandfillthecup，Lestonsorrowweshouldsup;
　　HopandskiptoFancy’sfiddle，Handsacrossanddownthemiddle—
　　Life’sperhapstheonlyriddleThatweshrinkfromgivingup！
　　Ballad:MyLadyBedeckedinfashiontrim，Witheverycurla—quiver;
　　Orleaping，lightoflimb，O’errivuletandriver;
　　Orskippingo’ertheleaOndaffodilanddaisy;
　　Orstretchedbeneathatree，Alllanguishingandlazy;
　　Whateverbehermood—
　　BeshedemurelyprudeOrlanguishinglylazy—
　　Myladydrivesmecrazy！
　　Invainherheartiswooed，Whateverbehermood！
　　WhatprofitshouldIgainSupposeshelovedmedearly？
　　HercoldnessturnsmybrainToVERGEofmadnessmerely。
　　Herkiss—though，Heavenknows，Todreamofitweretreason—
　　Wouldtend，asIsuppose，Toutterlossofreason！
　　Mystateisnotamiss;
　　IwouldnothaveakissWhich，inoroutofseason，Mighttendtolossofreason:
　　Whatprofitinsuchbliss？
　　Afigforsuchakiss！
　　Ballad:OneAgainstTheWorldIt’smyopinion—thoughIownInthinkingsoI’mquitealone—
　　InsomerespectsI’mbutafright。
　　YOUlikemyfeatures，Isuppose？
　　I’Mdisappointedwithmynose:
　　Someraveaboutit—perhapsthey’reright。
　　Myfigurejustsetsoffafit;
　　Butwhentheysayit’sexquisite（AndtheyDOsayso），that’stoostrong。
　　IhopeI’mnotwhatpeoplecallOpinionated！Afterall，I’mbutagoose，andmaybewrong！
　　WhencharmsenthralThere’ssomeexcuseFormeasuresstrong;
　　AndafterallI’mbutagoose，Andmaybewrong！
　　Myteethareveryneat，nodoubt;
　　ButafteralltheyMAYfallout:
　　Ithinktheywill—somethinktheywon’t。
　　Myhandsaresmall，asyoumaysee，Butnotassmallastheymightbe，Atleast，Ithinkso—othersdon’t。
　　Butthere，agirlmaypreachandprateFrommorningsixtoeveningeight，Andneverstoptodine，Whenalltheworld，althoughmisled，Isquiteagreedonanyhead—
　　Anditisquiteagreedonmine！
　　Allsaidanddone，It’slittleI
　　Againstathrong。
　　I’monlyone，AndpossiblyImaybewrong！
　　Ballad:PutAPennyInTheSlotIfmyaction’sstiffandcrude，Donotlaugh，becauseit’srude。
　　Ifmygesturespromiselarks，Donotmakeunkindremarks。
　　ClockworkfiguresmaybefoundEverywhereandallaround。
　　Tentoone，ifIbutknew，Youareclockworkfigurestoo。
　　Andthemottoofthelot，"Putapennyintheslot！"
　　Usurer，formoneylent，Makingouthiscentpercent—
　　Widowplumpormaidenrare，Deafanddumbtosuitor’sprayer—
　　Taxcollectors，whominvainYouimploreto"callagain"—
　　Cautiousvoter，whomyoufindSlowinmakinguphismind—
　　Ifyou’dmovethemonthespot，Putapennyintheslot！
　　Blandreportersinthecourts，Whosuppresspolicereports—
　　Sheriff’syeoman，peninfist，Makingoutajurylist—
　　Sternpolicemen，tallandspare，Actingall"uponthesquare"—
　　（Whichinwordsthatplainerfall，Meansthatyoucansquarethemall）—
　　Ifyouwanttomovethelot，Putapennyintheslot！
　　Ballad:GoodLittleGirlsAlthoughofnativemaidsthecream，We’rebroughtupontheEnglishscheme—
　　ThebestofallForgreatandsmallWhomodestyadore。
　　ForEnglishgirlsaregoodasgold，Extremelymodest（sowe’retold），Demurelycoy—divinelycold—
　　Andwearethat—andmore。
　　Topleasepapa，whoarguesthus—
　　Allgirlsshouldmouldthemselvesonus，Becauseweare，Byfurlongsfar，Thebestofallthebunch;
　　WeshowourselvestoloudapplauseFromtentofourwithoutapause—
　　WhichisanawkwardtimebecauseItcutsintoourlunch。
　　Oh，maidsofhighandlowdegree，Whosesocialcodeisratherfree，PleaselookatusandyouwillseeWhatgoodyoungladiesoughttobe！
　　Andaswestand，likeclockworktoys，AlecturerpapaemploysTopuffandpraiseOurmodestwaysAndguilelesscharacter—
　　Ourwell—knownblush—ourdowncasteyes—
　　Ourfamouslookofmildsurprise（Whichcompetitionstilldefies）—
　　Ourcelebrated"Sir！！！"
　　ThenallthecrowdtakedownourlooksInpocketmemorandumbooks。
　　Todiagnose，OurmodestposeThekodaksdotheirbest:
　　IfevidenceyouwouldpossessOfwhatismaidenbashfulness，Youonlyneedabuttonpress—
　　AndWEdoalltherest。
　　Ballad:LifeFirstyou’reborn—andI’llbeboundyouFindadozenstrangersroundyou。
　　"Hallo，"criesthenew—bornbaby，"Where’smyparents？whichmaytheybe？"
　　Awkwardsilence—noreply—
　　Puzzledbabywonderswhy！
　　Fatherrises，bowspolitely—
　　Mothersmiles（butnottoobrightly）—
　　Doctormumbleslikeadumbthing—
　　Nurseisbusymixingsomething。—
　　EverysymptomtendstoshowYou’redecidedlyDETROP—
　　Ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！he！ho！ho！
　　Time’steetotum，Ifyouspinit，GiveitsquotumOnceaminute:
　　I’llgobailYouhitthenail，AndifyoufailThedeuceisinit！
　　Yougrowup，andyoudiscoverWhatitistobealover。
　　Someyoungladyisselected—
　　Poor，perhaps，butwell—connected，Whomyouhail（forLoveisblindAstheQueenofFairy—kind。
　　Thoughshe’splain—perhapsunsightly，Makesherfaceup—lacestightly，InherformyourfancytracesAllthegiftsofallthegraces。
　　Rivalsnonethemaidenwoo，Soyoutakeherandshetakesyou！
　　Ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！
　　Jokebeginning，Neverceases，TillyourinningTimereleases;
　　OnyourwayYoublindlystray，AnddaybydayThejokeincreases！
　　Tenyearslater—Timeprogresses—
　　Soursyourtemper—thinsyourtresses;
　　Fancy，then，herchainrelaxes;
　　Ratesarefactsandsoaretaxes。
　　FairyQueen’snolongeryoung—
　　FairyQueenhassuchatongue！
　　Twinshaveprobablyintruded—
　　Quiteunbidden—justasyoudid;
　　They’reasourceofcareandtrouble—
　　Justasyouwere—onlydouble。
　　Comesatlastthefinalstroke—
　　Timehashadhislittlejoke！
　　Ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！
　　Dailydriven（Wifeasdrover）
　　Illyou’vethriven—
　　Ne’erinclover:
　　Lastly，whenThreescoreandten（Andnottillthen），Thejokeisover！
　　Ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！ho！
　　Then—andthenThejokeisover！
　　Ballad:LimitedLiabilitySomesevenmenformanAssociation（Ifpossible，allPeersandBaronets），TheystartoffwithapublicdeclarationTowhatextenttheymeantopaytheirdebts。
　　That’scalledtheirCapital:iftheyarewaryTheywillnotquoteitatasumimmense。
　　Thefigure’simmaterial—itmayvaryFromeighteenmilliondowntoeighteenpence。
　　Ishouldputitratherlow;
　　ThegoodsenseofdoingsoWillbeevidentatoncetoanydebtor。
　　Whenit’slefttoyoutosayWhatamountyoumeantopay，Why，theloweryoucanputitat，thebetter。
　　Theythenproceedtotradewithallwho’lltrust’em，Quiteirrespectiveoftheircapital（It’sshady，butit’ssanctifiedbycustom）;
　　Bank，Railway，Loan，orPanamaCanal。
　　Youcan’tembarkontradingtootremendous—
　　It’sstrictlyfair，andbasedoncommonsense—
　　Ifyousucceed，yourprofitsarestupendous—
　　Andifyoufail，popgoesyoureighteenpence。
　　Makethemoney—spinnerspin！
　　Foryouonlystandtowin，Andyou’llneverwithdishonestybetwitted。
　　Fornobodycanknow，Toamillionorso，Towhatextentyourcapital’scommitted！
　　Ifyoucometogrief，andcreditorsarecraving（FornothingthatisplannedbymortalheadIscertaininthisValeofSorrow—savingThatone’sLiabilityisLimited），—
　　Doyousupposethatsignifiesperdition？
　　Ifsoyou’rebutamonetarydunce—
　　YoumerelyfileaWinding—UpPetition，AndstartanotherCompanyatonce！
　　ThoughaRothschildyoumaybeInyourowncapacity，AsaCompanyyou’vecometouttersorrow—
　　ButtheLiquidatorssay，"Nevermind—youneedn’tpay，"
　　SoyoustartanotherCompanyto—morrow！
　　Ballad:AnglicisedUtopiaSocietyhasquiteforsakenallherwickedcourses，Whichemptiesourpolicecourts，andabolishesdivorces。
　　（DivorceisnearlyobsoleteinEngland。）
　　Notoleranceweshowtoundeservingrankandsplendour;
　　Forthehigherhispositionis，thegreatertheoffender。
　　（That’samaximthatisprevalentinEngland。）
　　NoPeeressatourDrawing—RoombeforethePresencepassesWhowouldn’tbeacceptedbythelower—middleclasses;
　　Eachshadydame，whateverbeherrank，isbowedoutneatly。
　　Inshort，thishappycountryhasbeenAnglicisedcompletely！
　　ItreallyissurprisingWhatathoroughAnglicisingWe’vebroughtabout—Utopia’squiteanotherland;
　　Inherenterprisingmovements，SheisEngland—withimprovements，Whichwedutifullyoffertoourmother—land！
　　Ourcitywehavebeautified—we’vedoneitwilly—nilly—
　　Andallthatisn’tBelgraveSquareisStrandandPiccadilly。
　　（Theyhaven’tanyslummeriesinEngland。）
　　Wehavesolvedthelabourquestionwithdiscriminationpolished，Sopovertyisobsoleteandhungerisabolished—
　　（TheyaregoingtoabolishitinEngland。）
　　TheChamberlainournativestagehaspurged，beyondaquestion，Of"risky"situationandindelicatesuggestion;
　　Nopieceistoleratedifit’scostumedindiscreetly—
　　Inshort，thishappycountryhasbeenAnglicisedcompletely！
　　ItreallyissurprisingWhatathoroughAnglicisingWe’vebroughtabout—Utopia’squiteanotherland;
　　Inherenterprisingmovements，SheisEngland—withimprovements，Whichwedutifullyoffertoourmother—land！
　　OurPeeragewe’veremodelledonanintellectualbasis，Whichcertainlyisroughonourhereditaryraces—
　　（TheyaregoingtoremodelitinEngland。）
　　TheBrewersandtheCottonLordsnolongerseekadmission，AndLiteraryMeritmeetswithproperrecognition—
　　（AsLiteraryMeritdoesinEngland！）
　　WhoknowsbutwemaycountamongourintellectualchickensLikethemanEarlofThackerayandp’rapsaDukeofDickens—
　　LordFildesandViscountMillais（whentheycome）we’llwelcomesweetly—
　　Andthen，thishappycountrywillbeAnglicisedcompletely！
　　ItreallyissurprisingWhatathoroughAnglicisingWe’vebroughtabout—Utopia’squiteanotherland;
　　Inherenterprisingmovements，SheisEngland—withimprovements，Whichwedutifullyoffertoourmother—land！
　　Ballad:AnEnglishGirlAwonderfuljoyoureyestobless，Inhermagnificentcomeliness，IsanEnglishgirlofelevenstonetwo，Andfivefootteninherdancingshoe！
　　Shefollowsthehounds，andonshepounds—
　　The"field"tailsoffandthemuffsdiminish—
　　Overthehedgesandbrooksshebounds—
　　Straightasacrow，fromfindtofinish。
　　Atcricket，herkinwillloseorwin—
　　Sheandhermaids，ongrassandclover，Elevenmaidsout—elevenmaidsin—
　　（Andperhapsanoccasional"maidenover"）。
　　Gosearchtheworldandsearchthesea，ThencomeyouhomeandsingwithmeThere’snosuchgoldandnosuchpearlAsabrightandbeautifulEnglishgirl！
　　Withaten—milespinshestretchesherlimbs，Shegolfs，shepunts，sherows，sheswims—
　　Sheplays，shesings，shedances，too，Fromtenoreleventillallisblue！
　　Atballordrum，tillsmallhourscome（Chaperon’sfanconcealsheryawning），She’llwaltzawaylikeateetotum，Andnevergohometilldaylight’sdawning。
　　Lawntennismayshareherfavoursfair—
　　Hereyesa—danceandhercheeksa—glowing—
　　Downcomesherhair，butwhatdoesshecare？
　　It’sallherownandit’sworththeshowing！
　　Gosearchtheworldandsearchthesea，ThencomeyouhomeandsingwithmeThere’snosuchgoldandnosuchpearlAsabrightandbeautifulEnglishgirl！
　　Hersoulissweetastheoceanair，Forpruderyknowsnohaventhere;
　　Tofindmock—modesty，pleaseapplyTotheconsciousblushandthedowncasteye。
　　Richinthethingscontentmentbrings，Ineverypureenjoymentwealthy，Blitheasabeautifulbirdshesings，Forbodyandmindarehaleandhealthy。
　　Hereyestheythrillwithrightgoodwill—
　　Herheartislightasafloatingfeather—
　　AspureandbrightasthemountainrillThatleapsandlaughsintheHighlandheather！
　　Gosearchtheworldandsearchthesea，ThencomeyouhomeandsingwithmeThere’snosuchgoldandnosuchpearlAsabrightandbeautifulEnglishgirl！
　　Ballad:AManager’sPerplexitiesWereIakinginverytruth，Andhadason—aguilelessyouth—
　　Inprobablesuccession;