首页 >出版文学> Eugene Pickering>第6章
  sometimestheyboredmefearfully。Butyouweresuchaverycuriouscaseof——whatshallIcallit?——ofsincerity,thatIdeterminedtotakegoodandbadtogether。Iwantedtomakeyoucommityourselfunmistakably。Ishouldhavepreferrednottobringyoutothisplace;butthattoowasnecessary。OfcourseIcan’tmarryyou;I
  candobetter。Socanyou,forthatmatter;thankyourfateforit。
  Youhavethoughtwondersofmeforamonth,butyourgood—humourwouldn’tlast。Iamtoooldandtoowise;youaretooyoungandtoofoolish。ItseemstomethatIhavebeenverygoodtoyou;Ihaveentertainedyoutothetopofyourbent,and,exceptperhapsthatI
  amalittlebrusquejustnow,youhavenothingtocomplainof。I
  wouldhaveletyoudownmoregentlyifIcouldhavetakenanothermonthtoit;butcircumstanceshaveforcedmyhand。Abuseme,curseme,ifyoulike。Iwillmakeeveryallowance!"Pickeringlistenedtoallthisintentlyenoughtoperceivethat,asifbysomesuddennaturalcataclysm,thegroundhadbrokenawayathisfeet,andthathemustrecoil。Heturnedawayindumbamazement。"Idon’tknowhowIseemedtobetakingit,"hesaid,"butsheseemedreallytodesire—
  —Idon’tknowwhy——somethinginthewayofreproachandvituperation。
  ButIcouldn’t,inthatway,haveutteredasyllable。Iwassickened;Iwantedtogetawayintotheair——toshakeheroffandcometomysenses。’Haveyounothing,nothing,nothingtosay?’shecried,asifsheweredisappointed,whileIstoodwithmyhandonthedoor。’Haven’tItreatedyoutotalkenough?’IbelievedIanswered。
  ’Youwillwritetomethen,whenyougethome?’’Ithinknot,’saidI。’Sixmonthshence,Ifancy,youwillcomeandseeme!’’Never!’
  saidI。’That’saconfessionofstupidity,’sheanswered。’Itmeansthat,evenonreflection,youwillneverunderstandthephilosophyofmyconduct。’Theword’philosophy’seemedsostrangethatIverilybelieveIsmiled。’Ihavegivenyouallthatyougaveme,’shewenton。’Yourpassionwasanaffairofthehead。’’Ionlywishyouhadtoldmesoonerthatyouconsidereditso!’Iexclaimed。AndIwentmyway。ThenextdayIcamedowntheRhine。Isatalldayontheboat,notknowingwhereIwasgoing,wheretogetoff。Iwasinakindofagueofterror;itseemedtomeIhadseensomethinginfernal。AtlastIsawthecathedraltowershereloomingoverthecity。Theyseemedtosaysomethingtome,andwhentheboatstopped,Icameashore。Ihavebeenhereaweek。Ihavenotsleptatnight——
  andyetithasbeenaweekofrest!"
  Itseemedtomethathewasinafairwaytorecover,andthathisownphilosophy,iflefttotakeitstime,wasadequatetotheoccasion。AfterhisstorywasoncetoldIreferredtohisgrievancebutonce——thatevening,later,aswewereabouttoseparateforthenight。"SuffermetosaythattherewassometruthinHERaccountofyourrelations,"Isaid。"Youwereusingherintellectually,andallthewhile,withoutyourknowingit,shewasusingyou。Itwasdiamondcutdiamond。Herneedswerethemoresuperficial,andshegottiredofthegamefirst。"Hefrownedandturneduneasilyaway,butwithoutcontradictingme。Iwaitedafewmoments,toseeifhewouldremember,beforeweparted,thathehadaclaimtomakeuponme。Butheseemedtohaveforgottenit。
  Thenextdaywestrolledaboutthepicturesqueoldcity,andofcourse,beforelong,wentintothecathedral。Pickeringsaidlittle;
  heseemedintentuponhisownthoughts。Hesatdownbesideapillarnearachapel,infrontofagorgeouswindow,and,leavinghimtohismeditations,Iwanderedthroughthechurch。WhenIcamebackIsawhehadsomethingtosay。ButbeforehehadspokenIlaidmyhandonhisshoulderandlookedathimwithasignificantsmile。Heslowlybenthisheadanddroppedhiseyes,withamixtureofassentandhumility。Idrewforthfromwhereithadlainuntouchedforamonththeletterhehadgivenmetokeep,placeditsilentlyonhisknee,andlefthimtodealwithitalone。
  HalfanhourlaterIreturnedtothesameplace,buthehadgone,andoneofthesacristans,hoveringaboutandseeingmelookingforPickering,saidhethoughthehadleftthechurch。Ifoundhiminhisgloomychamberattheinn,pacingslowlyupanddown。IshoulddoubtlesshavebeenatalosstosayjustwhateffectIexpectedtheletterfromSmyrnatoproduce;buthisactualaspectsurprisedme。
  Hewasflushed,excited,atrifleirritated。
  "Evidently,"Isaid,"youhavereadyourletter。"
  "ItisproperIshouldtellyouwhatisinit,"heanswered。"WhenI
  gaveittoyouamonthago,Ididmyfriendsinjustice。"
  "Youcalledita’summons,’Iremember。"
  "Iwasagreatfool!It’sarelease!"
  "Fromyourengagement?"
  "Fromeverything!Theletter,ofcourse,isfromMr。Vernor。Hedesirestoletmeknowattheearliestmomentthathisdaughter,informedforthefirsttimeaweekbeforeofwhathadbeenexpectedofher,positivelyrefusestobeboundbythecontractortoassenttomybeingbound。Shehadbeengivenaweektoreflect,andhadspentitininconsolabletears。Shehadresistedeveryformofpersuasion!fromcompulsion,writesMr。Vernor,henaturallyshrinks。
  Theyoungladyconsidersthearrangement’horrible。’Afteracceptingherdutiescutanddriedallherlife,shepretendsatlasttohaveatasteofherown。IconfessIamsurprised;Ihadbeengiventobelievethatshewasstupidlysubmissive,andwouldremainsototheendofthechapter。Notabitofit。Shehasinsistedonmybeingformallydismissed,andherfatherintimatesthatincaseofnon—
  complianceshethreatenshimwithanattackofbrainfever。Mr。
  Vernorcondoleswithmehandsomely,andletsmeknowthattheyounglady’sattitudehasbeenagreatshocktohisnerves。HeaddsthathewillnotaggravatesuchregretasImaydohimthehonourtoentertain,byanyallusionstohisdaughter’scharmsandtothemagnitudeofmyloss,andheconcludeswiththehopethat,forthecomfortofallconcerned,Imayalreadyhaveamusedmyfancywithother’views。’Heremindsmeinapostscriptthat,inspiteofthispainfuloccurrence,thesonofhismostvaluedfriendwillalwaysbeawelcomevisitorathishouse。Iamfree,heobserves;Ihavemylifebeforeme;herecommendsanextensivecourseoftravel。ShouldmywanderingsleadmetotheEast,hehopesthatnofalseembarrassmentwilldetermefrompresentingmyselfatSmyrna。Hecanpromisemeatleastafriendlyreception。It’saverypoliteletter。"
  Politeastheletterwas,Pickeringseemedtofindnogreatexhilarationinhavingthisfamousburdensohandsomelyliftedfromhisspirit。Hebegantobroodoverhisliberationinamannerwhichyoumighthavedeemedpropertoarenewedsenseofbondage。"Badnews,"hehadcalledhisletteroriginally;andyet,nowthatitscontentsprovedtobeinflatcontradictiontohisforeboding,therewasnoimpulsivevoicetoreversetheformulaanddeclarethenewswasgood。Thewingsofimpulseinthepoorfellowhadoflatebeenterriblyclipped。Itwasanobviousreflection,ofcourse,thatifhehadnotbeensostifflycertainofthematteramonthbefore,andhadgonethroughtheformofbreakingMr。Vernor’sseal,hemighthaveescapedthepurgatoryofMadameBlumenthal’ssub—acidblandishments。ButIlefthimtomoraliseinprivate;Ihadnodesire,asthephraseis,torubitin。Mythoughts,moreover,werefollowinganothertrain;Iwassayingtomyselfthatiftothosegentlegracesofwhichheryoungvisagehadofferedtomyfancythebloomingpromise,MissVernoraddedinthisstrikingmeasurethecapacityformagnanimousaction,theamendmenttomyfriend’scareerhadbeenlesshappythantheroughdraught。Presently,turningabout,Isawhimlookingattheyounglady’sphotograph。"Ofcourse,now,"hesaid,"Ihavenorighttokeepit!"AndbeforeIcouldaskforanotherglimpseofit,hehadthrustitintothefire。
  "Iamsorrytobesayingitjustnow,"Iobservedafterawhile,"butIshouldn’twonderifMissVernorwereacharmingcreature。"
  "Goandfindout,"heanswered,gloomily。"Thecoastisclear。Mypartistoforgether,"hepresentlyadded。"Itoughtnottobehard。Butdon’tyouthink,"hewentonsuddenly,"thatforapoorfellowwhoaskednothingoffortunebutleavetositdowninaquietcorner,ithasbeenratheracruelpushingabout?"
  Cruelindeed,Ideclared,andhecertainlyhadtherighttodemandacleanpageonthebookoffateandafreshstart。Mr。Vernor’sadvicewassound;heshouldamusehimselfwithalongjourney。Ifitwouldbeanycomforttohim,Iwouldgowithhimonhisway。
  Pickeringassentedwithoutenthusiasm;hehadtheembarrassedlookofamanwho,havinggonetosomecosttomakeagoodappearanceinadrawing—room,shouldfindthedoorsuddenlyslammedinhisface。Westartedonourjourney,however,andlittlebylittlehisenthusiasmreturned。Hewastoocapableofenjoyingfinethingstoremainpermanentlyirresponsive,andafterafortnightspentamongpicturesandmonumentsandantiquities,IfeltthatIwasseeinghimforthefirsttimeinhisbestandhealthiestmood。Hehadhadafever,andthenhehadhadachill;thependulumhadswungrightandleftinamannerrathertryingtothemachine;butnow,atlast,itwasworkingbacktoaneven,naturalbeat。HerecoveredinameasurethegenerouseloquencewithwhichhehadfannedhisflameatHomburg,andtalkedaboutthingswithsomethingofthesamepassionatefreshness。
  OnedaywhenIwaslaidupattheinnatBrugeswithalamefoot,hecamehomeandtreatedmetoarhapsodyaboutacertainmeek—facedvirginofHansMemling,whichseemedtomesoundersensethanhiscomplimentstoMadameBlumenthal。Hehadhisdulldaysandhissombremoods——hoursofirresistibleretrospect;butIletthemcomeandgowithoutremonstrance,becauseIfanciedtheyalwayslefthimatriflemorealertandresolute。Oneevening,however,hesathanginghisheadinsodolefulafashionthatItookthebullbythehornsandtoldhimhehadbythistimesurelypaidhisdebttopenitence,andthatheowedittohimselftobanishthatwomanforeverfromhisthoughts。
  Helookedup,staring;andthenwithadeepblush——"Thatwoman?"hesaid。"IwasnotthinkingofMadameBlumenthal!"
  AfterthisIgaveanotherconstructiontohismelancholy。Takinghimwithhishopesandfears,attheendofsixweeksofactiveobservationandkeensensation,Pickeringwasasfineafellowasneedbe。WemadeourwaydowntoItalyandspentafortnightatVenice。TheresomethinghappenedwhichIhadbeenconfidentlyexpecting;Ihadsaidtomyselfthatitwasmerelyaquestionoftime。WehadpassedthedayatTorcello,andcamefloatingbackintheglowofthesunset,withmeasuredoar—strokes。"Iamwellontheway,"Pickeringsaid;"IthinkIwillgo!"
  Wehadnotspokenforanhour,andInaturallyaskedhim,Where?HisanswerwasdelayedbyourgettingintothePiazzetta。Isteppedashorefirstandthenturnedtohelphim。Ashetookmyhandhemetmyeyes,consciously,anditcame。"ToSmyrna!"
  Acoupleofdayslaterhestarted。IhadriskedtheconjecturethatMissVernorwasacharmingcreature,andsixmonthsafterwardshewrotemethatIwasright。