`AsforLoerke，thereisathousandtimesmoreinhimthaninaGerald。
　　Geraldissolimited，thereisadeadendtohim。Hewouldgrindonattheoldmillsforever。Andreally，thereisnocornbetweenthemillstonesanymore。Theygrindonandon，whenthereisnothingtogrind——sayingthesamethings，believingthesamethings，actingthesamethings。Oh，myGod，itwouldwearoutthepatienceofastone。
　　`Idon'tworshipLoerke，butatanyrate，heisafreeindividual。Heisnotstiffwithconceitofhisownmaleness。Heisnotgrindingdutifullyattheoldmills。OhGod，whenIthinkofGerald，andhiswork——thoseofficesatBeldover，andthemines——itmakesmyheartsick。WhathaveItodowithit——andhimthinkinghecanbealovertoawoman！Onemightaswellaskitofaself—satisfiedlamp—post。Thesemen，withtheireternaljobs——andtheireternalmillsofGodthatkeepongrindingatnothing！
　　Itistooboring，justboring。HoweverdidIcometotakehimseriouslyatall！
　　`AtleastinDresden，onewillhaveone'sbacktoitall。Andtherewillbeamusingthingstodo。Itwillbeamusingtogototheseeurythmicdisplays，andtheGermanopera，theGermantheatre。ItwillbeamusingtotakepartinGermanBohemianlife。AndLoerkeisanartist，heisafreeindividual。Onewillescapefromsomuch，thatisthechiefthing，escapesomuchhideousboringrepetitionofvulgaractions，vulgarphrases，vulgarpostures。Idon'tdeludemyselfthatIshallfindanelixiroflifeinDresden。IknowIshan't。ButIshallgetawayfrompeoplewhohavetheirownhomesandtheirownchildrenandtheirownacquaintancesandtheirownthisandtheirownthat。Ishallbeamongpeoplewhodon'townthingsandwhohaven'tgotahomeandadomesticservantinthebackground，whohaven'tgotastandingandastatusandadegreeandacircleoffriendsofthesame。OhGod，thewheelswithinwheelsofpeople，itmakesone'sheadticklikeaclock，withaverymadnessofdeadmechanicalmonotonyandmeaninglessness。HowIhatelife，howIhateit。HowIhatetheGeralds，thattheycanofferonenothingelse。
　　`Shortlands！——Heavens！Thinkoflivingthere，oneweek，thenthenext，andthenthethird——
　　`No，Iwon'tthinkofit——itistoomuch。'
　　Andshebrokeoff，reallyterrified，reallyunabletobearanymore。
　　Thethoughtofthemechanicalsuccessionofdayfollowingday，dayfollowingday，adinfinitum，wasoneofthethingsthatmadeherheartpalpitatewitharealapproachofmadness。Theterriblebondageofthistick—tackoftime，thistwitchingofthehandsoftheclock，thiseternalrepetitionofhoursanddays——ohGod，itwastooawfultocontemplate。Andtherewasnoescapefromit，noescape。
　　ShealmostwishedGeraldwerewithhertosaveherfromtheterrorofherownthoughts。Oh，howshesuffered，lyingtherealone，confrontedbytheterribleclock，withitseternaltick—tack。Alllife，allliferesolveditselfintothis:tick—tack，tick—tack，tick—tack;thenthestrikingofthehour;thenthetick—tack，tick—tack，andthetwitchingoftheclock—fingers。
　　Geraldcouldnotsaveherfromit。He，hisbody，hismotion，hislife——itwasthesameticking，thesametwitchingacrossthedial，ahorriblemechanicaltwitchingforwardoverthefaceofthehours。Whatwerehiskisses，hisembraces。Shecouldheartheirtick—tack，tick—tack。
　　Ha——ha——shelaughedtoherself，sofrightenedthatshewastryingtolaughitoff——ha——ha，howmaddeningitwas，tobesure，tobesure！
　　Then，withafleetingself—consciousmotion，shewonderedifshewouldbeverymuchsurprised，onrisinginthemorning，torealisethatherhairhadturnedwhite。Shehadfeltitturningwhitesooften，undertheintolerableburdenofherthoughts，undhersensations。Yetthereitremained，brownasever，andthereshewasherself，lookingapictureofhealth。
　　Perhapsshewashealthy。Perhapsitwasonlyherunabateablehealththatlefthersoexposedtothetruth。Ifsheweresicklyshewouldhaveherillusions，imaginations。Asitwas，therewasnoescape。Shemustalwaysseeandknowandneverescape。Shecouldneverescape。Thereshewas，placedbeforetheclock—faceoflife。Andifsheturnedroundasinarailwaystation，tolookatthebookstall，stillshecouldsee，withherveryspine，shecouldseetheclock，alwaysthegreatwhiteclock—face。Invainsheflutteredtheleavesofbooks，ormadestatuettesinclay。Sheknewshewasnotreallyreading。Shewasnotreallyworking。Shewaswatchingthefingerstwitchacrosstheeternal，mechanical，monotonousclock—faceoftime。Sheneverreallylived，sheonlywatched。Indeed，shewaslikealittle，twelve—hourclock，vis—a—viswiththeenormousclockofeternity——thereshewas，likeDignityandImpudence，orImpudenceandDignity。
　　Thepicturepleasedher。Didn'therfacereallylooklikeaclockdial——ratherroundishandoftenpale，andimpassive。Shewouldhavegotuptolook，inthemirror，butthethoughtofthesightofherownface，thatwaslikeatwelve—hourclock—dial，filledherwithsuchdeepterror，thatshehastenedtothinkofsomethingelse。
　　Oh，whywasn'tsomebodykindtoher？Whywasn'ttheresomebodywhowouldtakeherintheirarms，andholdhertotheirbreast，andgiveherrest，pure，deep，healingrest。Oh，whywasn'ttheresomebodytotakeherintheirarmsandfoldhersafeandperfect，forsleep。Shewantedsomuchthisperfectenfoldedsleep。Shelayalwayssounsheathedinsleep。Shewouldliealwaysunsheathedinsleep，unrelieved，unsaved。Oh，howcouldshebearit，thisendlessunrelief，thiseternalunrelief。
　　Gerald！Couldhefoldherinhisarmsandsheatheherinsleep？Ha！
　　Heneededputtingtosleephimself——poorGerald。Thatwasallheneeded。
　　Whatdidhedo，hemadetheburdenforhergreater，theburdenofhersleepwasthemoreintolerable，whenhewasthere。Hewasanaddedwearinessuponherunripeningnights，herunfruitfulslumbers。Perhapshegotsomereposefromher。Perhapshedid。Perhapsthiswaswhathewasalwaysdoggingherfor，likeachildthatisfamished，cryingforthebreast。Perhapsthiswasthesecretofhispassion，hisforeverunquencheddesireforher——thatheneededhertoputhimtosleep，togivehimrepose。
　　Whatthen！Wasshehismother？Hadsheaskedforachild，whomshemustnursethroughthenights，forherlover。Shedespisedhim，shedespisedhim，shehardenedherheart。Aninfantcryinginthenight，thisDonJuan。
　　Ooh，buthowshehatedtheinfantcryinginthenight。Shewouldmurderitgladly。Shewouldstifleitandburyit，asHettySorrelldid。NodoubtHettySorrell'sinfantcriedinthenight——nodoubtArthurDonnithorne'sinfantwould。Ha——theArthurDonnithornes，theGeraldsofthisworld。
　　Somanlybyday，yetallthewhile，suchacryingofinfantsinthenight。
　　Letthemturnintomechanisms，letthem。Letthembecomeinstruments，puremachines，purewills，thatworklikeclock—work，inperpetualrepetition。
　　Letthembethis，letthembetakenupentirelyintheirwork，letthembeperfectpartsofagreatmachine，havingaslumberofconstantrepetition。
　　LetGeraldmanagehisfirm。Therehewouldbesatisfied，assatisfiedasawheelbarrowthatgoesbackwardsandforwardsalongaplankallday——
　　shehadseenit。
　　Thewheel—barrow——theonehumblewheel——theunitofthefirm。Thenthecart，withtwowheels;thenthetruck，withfour;thenthedonkey—engine，witheight，thenthewinding—engine，withsixteen，andsoon，tillitcametotheminer，withathousandwheels，andthentheelectrician，withthreethousand，andtheundergroundmanager，withtwentythousand，andthegeneralmanagerwithahundredthousandlittlewheelsworkingawaytocompletehismake—up，andthenGerald，withamillionwheelsandcogsandaxles。
　　PoorGerald，suchalotoflittlewheelstohismake—up！Hewasmoreintricatethanachronometer—watch。Butohheavens，whatweariness！Whatweariness，Godabove！Achronometer—watch——abeetle——hersoulfaintedwithutterennui，fromthethought。Somanywheelstocountandconsiderandcalculate！Enough，enough——therewasanendtoman'scapacityforcomplications，even。Orperhapstherewasnoend。
　　MeanwhileGeraldsatinhisroom，reading。WhenGudrunwasgone，hewasleftstupefiedwitharresteddesire。Hesatonthesideofthebedforanhour，stupefied，littlestrandsofconsciousnessappearingandreappearing。
　　Buthedidnotmove，foralongtimeheremainedinert，hisheaddroppedonhisbreast。
　　Thenhelookedupandrealisedthathewasgoingtobed。Hewascold。
　　Soonhewaslyingdowninthedark。
　　Butwhathecouldnotbearwasthedarkness。Thesoliddarknessconfrontinghimdrovehimmad。Soherose，andmadealight。Heremainedseatedforawhile，staringinfront。HedidnotthinkofGudrun，hedidnotthinkofanything。
　　Thensuddenlyhewentdownstairsforabook。Hehadallhislifebeeninterrorofthenightsthatshouldcome，whenhecouldnotsleep。Heknewthatthiswouldbetoomuchforhim，tohavetofacenightsofsleeplessnessandofhorrifiedwatchingthehours。
　　Sohesatforhoursinbed，likeastatue，reading。Hismind，hardandacute，readonrapidly，hisbodyunderstoodnothing。Inastateofrigidunconsciousness，hereadonthroughthenight，tillmorning，when，wearyanddisgustedinspirit，disgustedmostofallwithhimself，hesleptfortwohours。
　　Thenhegotup，hardandfullofenergy。Gudrunscarcelyspoketohim，exceptatcoffeewhenshesaid:
　　`Ishallbeleavingtomorrow。'
　　`WewillgotogetherasfarasInnsbruck，forappearance'ssake？'heasked。
　　`Perhaps，'shesaid。
　　Shesaid`Perhaps'betweenthesipsofhercoffee。Andthesoundofhertakingherbreathintheword，wasnauseoustohim。Herosequicklytobeawayfromher。
　　Hewentandmadearrangementsforthedepartureonthemorrow。Then，takingsomefood，hesetoutforthedayontheskis。Perhaps，hesaidtotheWirt，hewouldgouptotheMarienhutte，perhapstothevillagebelow。
　　ToGudrunthisdaywasfullofapromiselikespring。Shefeltanapproachingrelease，anewfountainofliferisingupinher。Itgaveherpleasuretodawdlethroughherpacking，itgaveherpleasuretodipintobooks，totryonherdifferentgarments，tolookatherselfintheglass。Shefeltanewleaseoflifewascomeuponher，andshewashappylikeachild，veryattractiveandbeautifultoeverybody，withhersoft，luxuriantfigure，andherhappiness。Yetunderneathwasdeathitself。
　　IntheafternoonshehadtogooutwithLoerke。Hertomorrowwasperfectlyvaguebeforeher。Thiswaswhatgaveherpleasure。ShemightbegoingtoEnglandwithGerald，shemightbegoingtoDresdenwithLoerke，shemightbegoingtoMunich，toagirl—friendshehadthere。Anythingmightcometopassonthemorrow。Andtodaywasthewhite，snowyiridescentthresholdofallpossibility。Allpossibility——thatwasthecharmtoher，thelovely，iridescent，indefinitecharm，——pureillusionAllpossibility——becausedeathwasinevitable，andnothingwaspossiblebutdeath。
　　Shedidnotwantthingstomaterialise，totakeanydefiniteshape。
　　Shewanted，suddenly，atonemomentofthejourneytomorrow，tobewaftedintoanutterlynewcourse，bysomeutterlyunforeseenevent，ormotion。
　　Sothat，althoughshewantedtogooutwithLoerkeforthelasttimeintothesnow，shedidnotwanttobeseriousorbusinesslike。
　　AndLoerkewasnotaseriousfigure。Inhisbrownvelvetcap，thatmadehisheadasroundasachestnut，withthebrown—velvetflapslooseandwildoverhisears，andawispofelf—like，thinblackhairblowingabovehisfull，elf—likedarkeyes，theshiny，transparentbrownskincrinklingupintooddgrimacesonhissmall—featuredface，helookedanoddlittleboy—man，abat。Butinhisfigure，inthegreenylodensuit，helookedchetifandpuny，stillstrangelydifferentfromtherest。
　　Hehadtakenalittletoboggan，forthetwoofthem，andtheytrudgedbetweentheblindingslopesofsnow，thatburnedtheirnowhardeningfaces，laughinginanendlesssequenceofquipsandjestsandpolyglotfancies。
　　Thefanciesweretherealitytobothofthem，theywerebothsohappy，tossingaboutthelittlecolouredballsofverbalhumourandwhimsicality。
　　Theirnaturesseemedtosparkleinfullinterplay，theywereenjoyingapuregame。Andtheywantedtokeepitonthelevelofagame，theirrelationship:suchafinegame。
　　Loerkedidnottakethetoboganningveryseriously。Heputnofireandintensityintoit，asGeralddid。WhichpleasedGudrun。Shewasweary，ohsowearyofGerald'sgrippedintensityofphysicalmotion。Loerkeletthesledgegowildly，andgaily，likeaflyingleaf，andwhen，atabend，hepitchedbothherandhimoutintothesnow，heonlywaitedforthembothtopickthemselvesupunhurtoffthekeenwhiteground，tobelaughingandpertasapixie。Sheknewhewouldbemakingironical，playfulremarksashewanderedinhell——ifhewereinthehumour。Andthatpleasedherimmensely。Itseemedlikearisingabovethedrearinessofactuality，themonotonyofcontingencies。
　　Theyplayedtillthesunwentdown，inpureamusement，carelessandtimeless。Then，asthelittlesledgetwirledriskilytorestatthebottomoftheslope，`Wait！'hesaidsuddenly，andheproducedfromsomewherealargethermosflask，apacketofKeks，andabottleofSchnapps。
　　`OhLoerke，'shecried。`Whataninspiration！Whatacombledejoieindeed！WhatistheSchnapps？'
　　Helookedatit，andlaughed。
　　`Heidelbeer！'hesaid。
　　`No！Fromthebilberriesunderthesnow。Doesn'titlookasifitweredistilledfromsnow。Canyou——'shesniffed，andsniffedatthebottle——`canyousmellbilberries？Isn'titwonderful？Itisexactlyasifonecouldsmellthemthroughthesnow。'
　　Shestampedherfootlightlyontheground。Hekneeleddownandwhistled，andputhiseartothesnow。Ashedidsohisblackeyestwinkledup。
　　`Ha！Ha！'shelaughed，warmedbythewhimsicalwayinwhichhemockedatherverbalextravagances。Hewasalwaysteasingher，mockingherways。
　　Butasheinhismockerywasevenmoreabsurdthansheinherextravagances，whatcouldonedobutlaughandfeelliberated。
　　Shecouldfeeltheirvoices，hersandhis，ringingsilverylikebellsinthefrozen，motionlessairofthefirsttwilight。Howperfectitwas，howveryperfectitwas，thissilveryisolationandinterplay。
　　Shesippedthehotcoffee，whosefragranceflewaroundthemlikebeesmurmuringaroundflowers，inthesnowyair，shedranktinysipsoftheHeidelbeerwasser，sheatethecold，sweet，creamywafers。Howgoodeverythingwas！Howperfecteverythingtastedandsmelledandsounded，hereinthisutterstillnessofsnowandfallingtwilight。
　　`Youaregoingawaytomorrow？'hisvoicecameatlast。
　　`Yes。'
　　Therewasapause，whentheeveningseemedtoriseinitssilent，ringingpallorinfinitelyhigh，totheinfinitewhichwasnearathand。
　　`Wohin？'
　　Thatwasthequestion——wohin？Whither？Wohin？Whatalovelyword！Sheneverwanteditanswered。Letitchimeforever。
　　`Idon'tknow，'shesaid，smilingathim。
　　Hecaughtthesmilefromher。
　　`Oneneverdoes，'hesaid。
　　`Oneneverdoes，'sherepeated。
　　Therewasasilence，whereinheatebiscuitsrapidly，asarabbiteatsleaves。
　　`But，'helaughed，`wherewillyoutakeaticketto？'
　　`Ohheaven！'shecried。`Onemusttakeaticket。'
　　Herewasablow。Shesawherselfatthewicket，attherailwaystation。
　　Thenarelievingthoughtcametoher。Shebreathedfreely。
　　`Butoneneedn'tgo，'shecried。
　　`Certainlynot，'hesaid。
　　`Imeanoneneedn'tgowhereone'sticketsays。'
　　Thatstruckhim。Onemighttakeaticket，soasnottotraveltothedestinationitindicated。Onemightbreakoff，andavoidthedestination。
　　Apointlocated。Thatwasanidea！
　　`ThentakeatickettoLondon，'hesaid。`Oneshouldnevergothere。'
　　`Right，'sheanswered。
　　Hepouredalittlecoffeeintoatincan。
　　`Youwon'ttellmewhereyouwillgo？'heasked。
　　`Reallyandtruly，'shesaid，`Idon'tknow。Itdependswhichwaythewindblows。'
　　Helookedatherquizzically，thenhepurseduphislips，likeZephyrus，blowingacrossthesnow。
　　`ItgoestowardsGermany，'hesaid。
　　`Ibelieveso，'shelaughed。
　　Suddenly，theywereawareofavaguewhitefigurenearthem。ItwasGerald。Gudrun'sheartleaptinsuddenterror，profoundterror。Sherosetoherfeet。
　　`Theytoldmewhereyouwere，'cameGerald'svoice，likeajudgmentinthewhitishairoftwilight。
　　`Maria！Youcomelikeaghost，'exclaimedLoerke。
　　Geralddidnotanswer。Hispresencewasunnaturalandghostlytothem。
　　Loerkeshooktheflask——thenhehelditinvertedoverthesnow。Onlyafewbrowndropstrickledout。
　　`Allgone！'hesaid。
　　ToGerald，thesmallish，oddfigureoftheGermanwasdistinctandobjective，asifseenthroughfieldglasses。Andhedislikedthesmallfigureexceedingly，hewanteditremoved。
　　ThenLoerkerattledtheboxwhichheldthebiscuits。
　　`Biscuitstherearestill，'hesaid。
　　Andreachingfromhisseatedpostureinthesledge，hehandedthemtoGudrun。Shefumbled，andtookone。HewouldhaveheldthemtoGerald，butGeraldsodefinitelydidnotwanttobeofferedabiscuit，thatLoerke，rathervaguely，puttheboxaside。Thenhetookupthesmallbottle，andheldittothelight。
　　`AlsothereissomeSchnapps，'hesaidtohimself。
　　Thensuddenly，heelevatedthebattlegallantlyintheair，astrange，grotesquefigureleaningtowardsGudrun，andsaid:
　　`GnadigesFraulein，'hesaid，`wohl——'
　　Therewasacrack，thebottlewasflying，Loerkehadstartedback，thethreestoodquiveringinviolentemotion。
　　LoerketurnedtoGerald，adevilishleeronhisbright—skinnedface。
　　`Welldone！'hesaid，inasatiricaldemoniacfrenzy。`C'estlesport，sansdoute。'
　　Thenextinstanthewassittingludicrouslyinthesnow，Gerald'sfisthavingrungagainstthesideofhishead。ButLoerkepulledhimselftogether，rose，quivering，lookingfullatGerald，hisbodyweakandfurtive，buthiseyesdemoniacalwithsatire。
　　`Viveleheros，vive——'
　　Butheflinched，as，inablackflashGerald'sfistcameuponhim，bangedintotheothersideofhishead，andsenthimasidelikeabrokenstraw。
　　ButGudrunmovedforward。Sheraisedherclenchedhandhigh，andbroughtitdown，withagreatdownwardstrokeontothefaceandontothebreastofGerald。
　　Agreatastonishmentburstuponhim，asiftheairhadbroken。Wide，widehissoulopened，inwonder，feelingthepain。Thenitlaughed，turning，withstronghandsoutstretched，atlasttotaketheappleofhisdesire。
　　Atlasthecouldfinishhisdesire。
　　HetookthethroatofGudrunbetweenhishands，thatwerehardandindomitablypowerful。Andherthroatwasbeautifully，sobeautifullysoft，savethat，within，hecouldfeeltheslipperychordsofherlife。Andthishecrushed，thishecouldcrush。Whatbliss！Ohwhatbliss，atlast，whatsatisfaction，atlast！Thepurezestofsatisfactionfilledhissoul。Hewaswatchingtheunconsciousnesscomeuntoherswollenface，watchingtheeyesrollback。Howuglyshewas！Whatafulfilment，whatasatisfaction！Howgoodthiswas，ohhowgooditwas，whataGod—givengratification，atlast！
　　Hewasunconsciousofherfightingandstruggling。Thestrugglingwasherreciprocallustfulpassioninthisembrace，themoreviolentitbecame，thegreaterthefrenzyofdelight，tillthezenithwasreached，thecrisis，thestrugglewasoverborne，hermovementbecamesofter，appeased。
　　Loerkerousedhimselfonthesnow，toodazedandhurttogetup。Onlyhiseyeswereconscious。
　　`Monsieur！'hesaid，inhisthin，rousedvoice:`Quandvousaurezfini——'
　　ArevulsionofcontemptanddisgustcameoverGerald'ssoul。Thedisgustwenttotheverybottomofhim，anausea。Ah，whatwashedoing，towhatdepthswashelettinghimselfgo！Asifhecaredaboutherenoughtokillher，tohaveherlifeonhishands！
　　Aweaknessranoverhisbody，aterriblerelaxing，athaw，adecayofstrength。Withoutknowing，hehadletgohisgrip，andGudrunhadfallentoherknees。Musthesee，mustheknow？
　　Afearfulweaknesspossessedhim，hisjointswereturnedtowater。Hedrifted，asonawind，veered，andwentdriftingaway。
　　`Ididn'twantit，really，'wasthelastconfessionofdisgustinhissoul，ashedrifteduptheslope，weak，finished，onlysheeringoffunconsciouslyfromanyfurthercontact。`I'vehadenough——Iwanttogotosleep。I'vehadenough。'Hewassunkunderasenseofnausea。
　　Hewasweak，buthedidnotwanttorest，hewantedtogoonandon，totheend。Neveragaintostay，tillhecametotheend，thatwasallthedesirethatremainedtohim。Sohedriftedonandon，unconsciousandweak，notthinkingofanything，solongashecouldkeepinaction。
　　Thetwilightspreadaweird，unearthlylightoverhead，bluish—roseincolour，thecoldbluenightsankonthesnow。Inthevalleybelow，behind，inthegreatbedofsnow，weretwosmallfigures:Gudrundroppedonherknees，likeoneexecuted，andLoerkesittingproppedupnearher。Thatwasall。
　　Geraldstumbledonuptheslopeofsnow，inthebluishdarkness，alwaysclimbing，alwaysunconsciouslyclimbing，wearythoughhewas。Onhisleftwasasteepslopewithblackrocksandfallenmassesofrockandveinsofsnowslashinginandabouttheblacknessofrock，veinsofsnowslashingvaguelyinandabouttheblacknessofrock。Yettherewasnosound，allthismadenonoise。
　　Toaddtohisdifficulty，asmallbrightmoonshonebrilliantlyjustahead，ontheright，apainfulbrilliantthingthatwasalwaysthere，unremitting，fromwhichtherewasnoescape。Hewantedsotocometotheend——hehadhadenough。Yethedidnotsleep。
　　Hesurgedpainfullyup，sometimeshavingtocrossaslopeofblackrock，thatwasblownbareofsnow。Herehewasafraidoffalling，verymuchafraidoffalling。Andhighuphere，onthecrest，movedawindthatalmostoverpoweredhimwithasleep—heavyiciness。Onlyitwasnothere，theend，andhemuststillgoon。Hisindefinitenauseawouldnotlethimstay。
　　Havinggainedoneridge，hesawthevagueshadowofsomethinghigherinfront。Alwayshigher，alwayshigher。Heknewhewasfollowingthetracktowardsthesummitoftheslopes，wherewasthemarienhutte，andthedescentontheotherside。Buthewasnotreallyconscious。Heonlywantedtogoon，togoonwhilsthecould，tomove，tokeepgoing，thatwasall，tokeepgoing，untilitwasfinished。Hehadlostallhissenseofplace。
　　Andyetintheremaininginstinctoflife，hisfeetsoughtthetrackwheretheskishadgone。
　　Heslithereddownasheersnowslope。Thatfrightenedhim。Hehadnoalpenstock，nothing。Buthavingcomesafelytorest，hebegantowalkon，intheilluminateddarkness。Itwasascoldassleep。Hewasbetweentworidges，inahollow。Soheswerved。Shouldheclimbtheotherridge，orwanderalongthehollow？Howfrailthethreadofhisbeingwasstretched！
　　Hewouldperhapsclimbtheridge。Thesnowwasfirmandsimple。Hewentalong。Therewassomethingstandingoutofthesnow。Heapproached，withdimmestcuriosity。
　　Itwasahalf—buriedCrucifix，alittleChristunderalittleslopinghood，atthetopofapole。Hesheeredaway。Somebodywasgoingtomurderhim。Hehadagreatdreadofbeingmurdered。Butitwasadreadwhichstoodoutsidehim，likehisownghost。
　　Yetwhybeafraid？Itwasboundtohappen。Tobemurdered！Helookedroundinterroratthesnow，therocking，pale，shadowyslopesoftheupperworld。Hewasboundtobemurdered，hecouldseeit。Thiswasthemomentwhenthedeathwasuplifted，andtherewasnoescape。
　　LordJesus，wasitthenboundtobe——LordJesus！Hecouldfeeltheblowdescending，heknewhewasmurdered。Vaguelywanderingforward，hishandsliftedasiftofeelwhatwouldhappen，hewaswaitingforthemomentwhenhewouldstop，whenitwouldcease。Itwasnotoveryet。
　　Hehadcometothehollowbasinofsnow，surroundedbysheerslopesandprecipices，outofwhichroseatrackthatbroughtonetothetopofthemountain。Buthewanderedunconsciously，tillheslippedandfelldown，andashefellsomethingbrokeinhissoul，andimmediatelyhewenttosleep。
　　WomenInLove:Chapter31CHAPTERXXXIExeuntWHENTHEYbroughtthebodyhome，thenextmorning，Gudrunwasshutupinherroom。Fromherwindowshesawmencomingalongwithaburden，overthesnow。Shesatstillandlettheminutesgoby。
　　Therecameatapatherdoor。Sheopened。Therestoodawoman，sayingsoftly，oh，fartooreverently:
　　`Theyhavefoundhim，madam！'
　　`Ilestmort？'
　　`Yes——hoursago。'
　　Gudrundidnotknowwhattosay。Whatshouldshesay？Whatshouldshefeel？Whatshouldshedo？Whatdidtheyexpectofher？Shewascoldlyataloss。
　　`Thankyou，'shesaid，andsheshutthedoorofherroom。Thewomanwentawaymortified。Notaword，notatear——ha！Gudrunwascold，acoldwoman。
　　Gudrunsatoninherroom，herfacepaleandimpassive。Whatwasshetodo？Shecouldnotweepandmakeascene。Shecouldnotalterherself。
　　Shesatmotionless，hidingfrompeople。Heronemotivewastoavoidactualcontactwithevents。SheonlywroteoutalongtelegramtoUrsulaandBirkin。
　　Intheafternoon，however，sherosesuddenlytolookforLoerke。SheglancedwithapprehensionatthedooroftheroomthathadbeenGerald's。
　　Notforworldswouldsheenterthere。
　　ShefoundLoerkesittingaloneinthelounge。Shewentstraightuptohim。
　　`Itisn'ttrue，isit？'shesaid。
　　Helookedupather。Asmallsmileofmiserytwistedhisface。Heshruggedhisshoulders。
　　`True？'heechoed。
　　`Wehaven'tkilledhim？'sheasked。
　　Hedislikedhercomingtohiminsuchamanner。Heraisedhisshoulderswearily。
　　`Ithashappened，'hesaid。
　　Shelookedathim。Hesatcrushedandfrustratedforthetimebeing，quiteasemotionlessandbarrenasherself。MyGod！thiswasabarrentragedy，barren，barren。
　　ShereturnedtoherroomtowaitforUrsulaandBirkin。Shewantedtogetaway，onlytogetaway。Shecouldnotthinkorfeeluntilshehadgotaway，tillshewasloosedfromthisposition。
　　Thedaypassed，thenextdaycame。Sheheardthesledge，sawUrsulaandBirkinalight，andsheshrankfromthesealso。
　　Ursulacamestraightuptoher。
　　`Gudrun！'shecried，thetearsrunningdownhercheeks。Andshetookhersisterinherarms。GudrunhidherfaceonUrsula'sshoulder，butstillshecouldnotescapethecolddevilofironythatfrozehersoul。
　　`Ha，ha！'shethought，`thisistherightbehaviour。'
　　Butshecouldnotweep，andthesightofhercold，pale，impassivefacesoonstoppedthefountainofUrsula'stears。Inafewmoments，thesistershadnothingtosaytoeachother。
　　`Wasitveryviletobedraggedbackhereagain？'Gudrunaskedatlength。
　　Ursulalookedupinsomebewilderment。
　　`Ineverthoughtofit，'shesaid。
　　`Ifeltabeast，fetchingyou，'saidGudrun。`ButIsimplycouldn'tseepeople。Thatistoomuchforme。'
　　`Yes，'saidUrsula，chilled。
　　Birkintappedandentered。Hisfacewaswhiteandexpressionless。Sheknewheknew。Hegaveherhishand，saying:
　　`Theendofthistrip，atanyrate。'
　　Gudrunglancedathim，afraid。
　　Therewassilencebetweenthethreeofthem，nothingtobesaid。AtlengthUrsulaaskedinasmallvoice:
　　`Haveyouseenhim？'
　　HelookedbackatUrsulawithahard，coldlook，anddidnottroubletoanswer。
　　`Haveyouseenhim？'sherepeated。
　　`Ihave，'hesaid，coldly。
　　ThenhelookedatGudrun。
　　`Haveyoudoneanything？'hesaid。
　　`Nothing，'shereplied，`nothing。'
　　Sheshrankincolddisgustfrommakinganystatement。
　　`LoerkesaysthatGeraldcametoyou，whenyouweresittingonthesledgeatthebottomoftheRudelbahn，thatyouhadwords，andGeraldwalkedaway。
　　Whatwerethewordsabout？Ihadbetterknow，sothatIcansatisfytheauthorities，ifnecessary。'
　　Gudrunlookedupathim，white，childlike，mutewithtrouble。
　　`Thereweren'tevenanywords，'shesaid。`HeknockedLoerkedownandstunnedhim，hehalfstrangledme，thenhewentaway。'
　　Toherselfshewassaying:
　　`Aprettylittlesampleoftheeternaltriangle！'Andsheturnedironicallyaway，becausesheknewthatthefighthadbeenbetweenGeraldandherselfandthatthepresenceofthethirdpartywasamerecontingency——aninevitablecontingencyperhaps，butacontingencynonetheless。Butletthemhaveitasanexampleoftheeternaltriangle，thetrinityofhate。Itwouldbesimplerforthem。
　　Birkinwentaway，hismannercoldandabstracted。Butsheknewhewoulddothingsforher，nevertheless，hewouldseeherthrough。Shesmiledslightlytoherself，withcontempt。Lethimdothework，sincehewassoextremelygoodatlookingafterotherpeople。
　　BirkinwentagaintoGerald。Hehadlovedhim。Andyethefeltchieflydisgustattheinertbodylyingthere。Itwassoinert，socoldlydead，acarcase，Birkin'sbowelsseemedtoturntoice。HehadtostandandlookatthefrozendeadbodythathadbeenGerald。
　　Itwasthefrozencarcaseofadeadmale。Birkinrememberedarabbitwhichhehadoncefoundfrozenlikeaboardonthesnow。Ithadbeenrigidlikeadriedboardwhenhepickeditup。AndnowthiswasGerald，stiffasaboard，curledupasifforsleep，yetwiththehorriblehardnesssomehowevident。Itfilledhimwithhorror。Theroommustbemadewarm，thebodymustbethawed。Thelimbswouldbreaklikeglassorlikewoodiftheyhadtobestraightened。
　　Hereachedandtouchedthedeadface。Andthesharp，heavybruiseoficebruisedhislivingbowels。Hewonderedifhehimselfwerefreezingtoo，freezingfromtheinside。Intheshortblondmoustachethelife—breathwasfrozenintoablockofice，beneaththesilentnostrils。AndthiswasGerald！
　　Againhetouchedthesharp，almostglitteringfairhairofthefrozenbody。Itwasicy—cold，hairicy—cold，almostvenomous。Birkin'sheartbegantofreeze。HehadlovedGerald。Nowhelookedattheshapely，strange—colouredface，withthesmall，fine，pinchednoseandthemanlycheeks，sawitfrozenlikeanice—pebble——yethehadlovedit。Whatwasonetothinkorfeel？
　　Hisbrainwasbeginningtofreeze，hisbloodwasturningtoice—water。
　　Socold，socold，aheavy，bruisingcoldpressingonhisarmsfromoutside，andaheaviercoldcongealingwithinhim，inhisheartandinhisbowels。
　　Hewentoverthesnowslopes，toseewherethedeathhadbeen。Atlasthecametothegreatshallowamongtheprecipicesandslopes，nearthesummitofthepass。Itwasagreyday，thethirddayofgreynessandstillness。
　　Allwaswhite，icy，pallid，saveforthescoringofblackrocksthatjuttedlikerootssometimes，andsometimeswereinnakedfaces。Inthedistanceaslopesheereddownfromapeak，withmanyblackrock—slides。
　　Itwaslikeashallowpotlyingamongthestoneandsnowoftheupperworld。InthispotGeraldhadgonetosleep。Atthefarend，theguideshaddrivenironstakesdeepintothesnow—wall，sothat，bymeansofthegreatropeattached，theycouldhaulthemselvesupthemassivesnow—front，outontothejaggedsummitofthepass，nakedtoheaven，wheretheMarienhuttehidamongthenakedrocks。Roundabout，spiked，slashedsnow—peaksprickedtheheaven。
　　Geraldmighthavefoundthisrope。Hemighthavehauledhimselfuptothecrest。HemighthaveheardthedogsintheMarienhutte，andfoundshelter。
　　Hemighthavegoneon，downthesteep，steepfallofthesouth—side，downintothedarkvalleywithitspines，ontothegreatImperialroadleadingsouthtoItaly。
　　Hemight！Andwhatthen？TheImperialroad！Thesouth？Italy？Whatthen？
　　Wasitawayout？Itwasonlyawayinagain。Birkinstoodhighinthepainfulair，lookingatthepeaks，andthewaysouth。Wasitanygoodgoingsouth，toItaly？Downtheold，oldImperialroad？
　　Heturnedaway。Eithertheheartwouldbreak，orceasetocare。Bestceasetocare。Whateverthemysterywhichhasbroughtforthmanandtheuniverse，itisanon—humanmystery，ithasitsowngreatends，manisnotthecriterion。Bestleaveitalltothevast，creative，non—humanmystery。
　　Beststrivewithoneselfonly，notwiththeuniverse。
　　`Godcannotdowithoutman。'ItwasasayingofsomegreatFrenchreligiousteacher。Butsurelythisisfalse。Godcandowithoutman。Godcoulddowithouttheichthyosauriandthemastodon。Thesemonstersfailedcreativelytodevelop，soGod，thecreativemystery，dispensedwiththem。Inthesamewaythemysterycoulddispensewithman，shouldhetoofailcreativelytochangeanddevelop。Theeternalcreativemysterycoulddisposeofman，andreplacehimwithafinercreatedbeing。Justasthehorsehastakentheplaceofthemastodon。
　　ItwasveryconsolingtoBirkin，tothinkthis。Ifhumanityranintoaculdesacandexpendeditself，thetimelesscreativemysterywouldbringforthsomeotherbeing，finer，morewonderful，somenew，morelovelyrace，tocarryontheembodimentofcreation。Thegamewasneverup。Themysteryofcreationwasfathomless，infallible，inexhaustible，forever。Racescameandwent，speciespassedaway，butevernewspeciesarose，morelovely，orequallylovely，alwayssurpassingwonder。Thefountain—headwasincorruptibleandunsearchable。Ithadnolimits。Itcouldbringforthmiracles，createutternewracesandnewspecies，initsownhour，newformsofconsciousness，newformsofbody，newunitsofbeing。Tobemanwasasnothingcomparedtothepossibilitiesofthecreativemystery。Tohaveone'spulsebeatingdirectfromthemystery，thiswasperfection，unutterablesatisfaction。Humanorinhumanmatterednothing。Theperfectpulsethrobbedwithindescribablebeing，miraculousunbornspecies。
　　BirkinwenthomeagaintoGerald。Hewentintotheroom，andsatdownonthebed。Dead，deadandcold！ImperialCaesardead，andturnedtoclayWouldstopaholetokeepthewindaway。
　　TherewasnoresponsefromthatwhichhadbeenGerald。Strange，congealed，icysubstance——nomore。Nomore！
　　Terriblyweary，Birkinwentaway，abouttheday'sbusiness。Hediditallquietly，withoutbother。Torant，torave，tobetragic，tomakesituations——itwasalltoolate。Bestbequiet，andbearone'ssoulinpatienceandinfullness。
　　Butwhenhewentinagain，atevening，tolookatGeraldbetweenthecandles，becauseofhisheart'shunger，suddenlyhisheartcontracted，hisowncandleallbutfellfromhishand，as，withastrangewhimperingcry，thetearsbrokeout。Hesatdowninachair，shakenbyasuddenaccess。
　　Ursulawhohadfollowedhim，recoiledaghastfromhim，ashesatwithsunkenheadandbodyconvulsivelyshaken，makingastrange，horriblesoundoftears。
　　`Ididn'twantittobelikethis——Ididn'twantittobelikethis，'
　　hecriedtohimself。UrsulacouldbutthinkoftheKaiser's:`Ichhabeasnichtgewollt。'ShelookedalmostwithhorroronBirkin。
　　Suddenlyhewassilent。Buthesatwithhisheaddropped，tohidehisface。Thenfurtivelyhewipedhisfacewithhisfingers。Thensuddenlyheliftedhishead，andlookedstraightatUrsula，withdark，almostvengefuleyes。
　　`Heshouldhavelovedme，'hesaid。`Iofferedhim。'
　　She，afraid，white，withmutelipsanswered:
　　`Whatdifferencewouldithavemade！'
　　`Itwould！'hesaid。`Itwould。'
　　Heforgother，andturnedtolookatGerald。Withheadoddlylifted，likeamanwhodrawshisheadbackfromaninsult，halfhaughtily，hewatchedthecold，mute，materialface。Ithadabluishcast。Itsentashaftlikeicethroughtheheartofthelivingman。Cold，mute，material！BirkinrememberedhowonceGeraldhadclutchedhishand，withawarm，momentaneousgripoffinallove。Foronesecond——thenletgoagain，letgoforever。Ifhehadkepttruetothatclasp，deathwouldnothavemattered。Thosewhodie，anddyingstillcanlove，stillbelieve，donotdie。Theylivestillinthebeloved。GeraldmightstillhavebeenlivinginthespiritwithBirkin，evenafterdeath。Hemighthavelivedwithhisfriend，afurtherlife。
　　Butnowhewasdead，likeclay，likebluish，corruptibleice。Birkinlookedatthepalefingers，theinertmass。Herememberedadeadstallionhehadseen:adeadmassofmaleness，repugnant。Herememberedalsothebeautifulfaceofonewhomhehadloved，andwhohaddiedstillhavingthefaithtoyieldtothemystery。Thatdeadfacewasbeautiful，noonecouldcallitcold，mute，material。Noonecouldrememberitwithoutgainingfaithinthemystery，withoutthesoul'swarmingwithnew，deeplife—trust。
　　AndGerald！Thedenier！Helefttheheartcold，frozen，hardlyabletobeat。Gerald'sfatherhadlookedwistful，tobreaktheheart:butnotthislastterriblelookofcold，muteMatter。Birkinwatchedandwatched。
　　Ursulastoodasidewatchingthelivingmanstareatthefrozenfaceofthedeadman。Bothfaceswereunmovedandunmoving。Thecandle—flamesflickeredinthefrozenair，intheintensesilence。
　　`Haven'tyouseenenough？'shesaid。
　　Hegotup。
　　`It'sabitterthingtome，'hesaid。
　　`What——thathe'sdead？'shesaid。
　　Hiseyesjustmethers。Hedidnotanswer。
　　`You'vegotme，'shesaid。
　　Hesmiledandkissedher。
　　`IfIdie，'hesaid，`you'llknowIhaven'tleftyou。'
　　`Andme？'shecried。
　　`Andyouwon'thaveleftme，'hesaid。`Weshan'thaveanyneedtodespair，indeath。'
　　Shetookholdofhishand。
　　`ButneedyoudespairoverGerald？'shesaid。
　　`Yes，'heanswered。
　　Theywentaway。GeraldwastakentoEngland，tobeburied。BirkinandUrsulaaccompaniedthebody，alongwithoneofGerald'sbrothers。ItwastheCrichbrothersandsisterswhoinsistedontheburialinEngland。BirkinwantedtoleavethedeadmanintheAlps，nearthesnow。Butthefamilywasstrident，loudlyinsistent。
　　GudrunwenttoDresden。Shewrotenoparticularsofherself。UrsulastayedattheMillwithBirkinforaweekortwo。Theywerebothveryquiet。
　　`DidyouneedGerald？'sheaskedoneevening。
　　`Yes，'hesaid。
　　`Aren'tIenoughforyou？'sheasked。
　　`No，'hesaid。`Youareenoughforme，asfarasawomanisconcerned。
　　Youareallwomentome。ButIwantedamanfriend，aseternalasyouandIareeternal。'
　　`Whyaren'tIenough？'shesaid。`Youareenoughforme。Idon'twantanybodyelsebutyou。Whyisn'titthesamewithyou？'
　　`Havingyou，Icanliveallmylifewithoutanybodyelse，anyothersheerintimacy。Buttomakeitcomplete，reallyhappy，Iwantedeternalunionwithamantoo:anotherkindoflove，'hesaid。
　　`Idon'tbelieveit，'shesaid。`It'sanobstinacy，atheory，aperversity。'
　　`Well——'hesaid。
　　`Youcan'thavetwokindsoflove。Whyshouldyou！'
　　ItseemsasifIcan't，'hesaid。`YetIwantedit。'
　　`Youcan'thaveit，becauseit'sfalse，impossible，'shesaid。
　　`Idon'tbelievethat，'heanswered。